Take five

by The-Follower-of-Luna

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Thriller, Original Character, Comedy, Random, Violence, Princess Celestia
Length: 1677

A Special Target with a five minute window? I can do it in four, just have the bits ready. Celestia is killable at the end of every year its my job to kill her

The kill of the century, hell the kill for all of history to remember, me the pony that was able to kill the mighty Celestia in her own castle. The catch, I had a five minute window in order to get the kill, for the payment offered, I will do it in four.

Warning its kind of a crack fic.

Published 2023-04-26 16:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-04-26 16:50:01 UTC

I Will do it in Four

Take Five

I will do it in Four.

Princess Celestia is the most powerful creature living on the planet. She commanded one of the strongest nations to rise from the ruin of the freezing eternal winds of the Wendigo threats. She was the raiser of the sun and leader of pony kind and was someone you would never want to be at the tail end of. She held an untold amount of grace and kindness, yet even with all that, her fury was unmatched by all but the gods.

It is this fury that finds her with enemies that wish to see her downfall, yet for all, they tried, they couldn't kill the unkillable; hell, they couldn't even beat her on a bad day. So that left nothing to do but pout at the idea of a fallen pony nation until, one day, a secret of the pony goddess was leaked. A secret that would lead to the downfall of the royal highness once and for all. So they hoped.

To say that I was the best at my job was an understatement; I was the best sharpshooter Equestria had ever seen; I could hit the wings of a fly from a mile away if I wanted to. I would need the time, something this job didn't have much of, but the pay, that, and the bragging rights were worth it. The kill of the century, hell, the kill for all of history to remember, me the pony that was able to kill the mighty Celestia in her own castle. The catch is I had a five-minute window to get the kill; I will do it in four for the payment offered.

My Body was laid out on the hard earthy ground as I found my target between the crosshairs of my scope. I looked at the watch lying next to me, the hands clicking silently and slowly as I read the time 23:54. I had one more minute before I could take the shot of a lifetime. The shot that I had run the numbers for over the last week of laying her out in this crazy-ass forest; seriously, who builds their nation's capital out in the middle of a magical pony-eating forest. I shook my head; that didn't matter now; I had a job, to kill a god; I wasn't going to throw away my only chance at the prize.

The second ticked by before me, each second passing more slowly as I watched the target; she sat at a large table on her personal balcony, a glass of freshly poured tea waiting for her first sip as she stared out of the forest canopy, the clock ticked 23:55, it was time to start, her magic was down.

Celestia could feel all the magic in her evaporate instantly, her once-flowing mane returning to its usual pink as the cosmic power no longer passed through her. She sighed at this, she so enjoyed these five minutes at the end of every year, the only five minutes she could pretend to be normal, or so she liked to think. Every year it was the same, her power faded, and the assassins came out of the woodwork to kill her.

She knew of four this year, she could just hide away and not be seen for these five minutes, to never even give a pony a chance to kill her, but for all the planning that went into these little stunts, she felt it would be wrong to rob them of such a thing. That and she did love to put on a show.

She moved to pick up her tea, her hoof as steady, doing her best not to spill the tea; she gave it a whiff and let a sad tear flow; it smelled of bitter poison, most ponies wouldn't have even noticed, but after you drink the same tea for generations, you can tell when it is tampered with. Oh, she looked forward to the drink, but it was not meant to be. She nodded to herself; it wasn't a bad attempt, all things concerned; after this, she would have to vet her staff again with a great deal of paperwork.

She moved away from the cup, keeping it in her hooves, and looked over the railing to the forest ahead of her; she squinted before moving the cup to her lips, pretending to drink before facking disgust, moving her head from the path of the projectile and placing the cup in its way, with an explosion a waste of tea and a scream, the bullet passed through the cup and hit the invisible zebra behind her.

She turned her head to see if she could see the invisible assailant, only to catch the empty balcony and trail of blood leading to the railing, followed by the sound of a short wheeze, panicked alarm, and a scream. She could only assume the now shot, poison tea-covered assassin had lost their footing and fallen from her tower shame.

She sat pondering if there would be any more uninvited guests with her tonight as she waited in her tower, only for the pleasant surprise of a showing from Luna. Luna looked at the shattered teacup of the trail of blood, sitting across from her sister as if it was all a typical night. “Eventful night, sister of mine,” she asked laxly.

Celestia let out a small, quiet chuckle as magic once more returned to her; with her horn now glowing its staple yellow shine, she repaired the broken teacup, poured herself more tea from the kettle, and took a sip. The poison added a bitter taste but otherwise did not affect the alicorn. “You could say that it has yet to end,” she replied, setting the glass down and, with a slight smirk, teleported away.

To say that I have seen things in my life was an understatement; I have killed many dangerous people that would have skinned me alive for even thinking of killing them, yet they never get the chance, mostly because I don't miss them. I have killed heads of state and magic powerhouses that could end me with a thought, and the only saving grace i have had is a bullet and distance; they died before they knew they were dead, which is why I know I am now wholly fucked, this job doesn't pay enough.

Everything was going to plan until it wasn't; she was supposed to sit there like a good little target; I had had this entire night mapped, designed to the last detail. I even spent the previous week in the stop I was to shoot her from, stalking her whole routine to the second I wouldn't miss.

So there I was, watching her as her magic left, according to plan. She went to drink her tea, according to plan. Taking a sip while looking out into the forest exactly where I was? Creepy coincidence, but mostly to plan. I lined the host that had been planned and pulled the trigger, the massive riffle kicked, and I waited, watching through my scope, counting the 5 seconds of travel time it would take to make it. It all went to hell in those five seconds.

She moved, and I mean she MOVED; never in my life have I seen such speed; in the second I fired the bullet, making contact, she had positioned herself entirely out of the way, moving the teacup into her place and letting it explode with a shower of tea and ceramic splinters and dust. I watched in horror as my bullet missed, I wanted to conform with the intent that it would make in the smooth stone of the floor, yet it never came. Instead, I watched as a large pool of blood formed from nowhere.

I watched with curiosity as the pool trailed over to the edge of the railing and disappeared; I followed, doing my best to keep my scope on the sense; a few moments after falling from the tower, I saw a dead zebra uncloaked and fall from the building, and I thought I had terrible luck.

I returned my scope to the target, seeing if I had time for one more shot, only to watch as two Lunas walled into the room behind her. I watched as each one slightly started the other down until what I could only guess was the real one… Faced hoofed and merely pointed at the door, The other seemed to linger before being covered in a green flame and turned into some kind of giant bug pony, taking a threatening stance at the princess, again Luna just shook her head, blue and black fire spreading out over her and turning the poor creature to dust.

This was when I decided to do the intelligent thing and bug out. I scrambled, packing my items faster than I ever had in my life, this job didn't pay enough to die for, and I, for one, wasn't going to fight the royal sisters when they had their magic. I turned with my bag packed and my legs ready to go as I wanted nothing more than to blot from the area, only to be stopped by a tall, white pony with a flowing rainbow mane.

“Well, hello, my little pony; what are you out here on a night like this.”

I stared at the princess and swallowed a lump “, Oh, shit.”

Luna paced in her study; four assassins, and none of them could do it, hell none of them even made it out alive. Thought to be fair, she gave that dumb changing time to remove itself; she didn't mind getting the job done, she just hatted that it believed the best pony to copy for such a task was her. You had to do it yourself if you wanted to overthrow your sister and take her kingdom. Time to pull up those bootstraps, Luna.