Papa Twilight

by ThePinkedWonder

Rating: everyone
Tags: Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, Random, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy
Length: 5269

Pinkie Pie laid an egg. Twilight Sparkle, the egg's father, was very confused about everything.

Princess Twilight Sparkle had learned Pinkie Pie could break physics and her biology whenever she felt like breaking them. So, when Pinkie claimed that she had laid an egg, Twilight could have accepted it was possible with only moderate but short-term confusion.

However, the additional claim that Twilight, a mare, was somehow the egg's father broke even Pinkie Pie logic. As well as breaking the alicorn herself.

Special thanks to TheHardie-Boy for proofreading chapter 2!

Published 2023-07-11 16:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-08-02 14:51:04 UTC

Chapter 1: Yes, Twilight, you are the father!

Pinkie Pie usually possessed some level of control over herself whenever she got excited. She just didn’t always feel like reining herself in.

But this time, oh no. Until she got at least some of it out of her system, nothing could have suppressed her unbridled happiness back, not even Pinkie herself.

“EEEEEEEEEE!! I’M A MOTHER!! EEEEEEEEE!!”

Yes, that’s right. Pinkie had become a mother. Her body curled tight into a ball, she bounced across Ponyville, ricocheting off one building after another, albeit harmlessly to both herself and the buildings. A grin that even Equestria’s death would struggle to erase hogged the new mother’s face. Ponies covered their ears to block at least some of Pinkie’s relentless screaming–not that it helped much.

A magenta magical bubble surrounded Pinkie in mid-air and muffed her cheering, somewhat, though she still sprang about inside the bubble. Whether Pinkie was even aware she was trapped inside a magical bubble, even as it slowly descended to the ground, is up for debate.

Princess Twilight Sparkle, her horn glowing magenta, trotted up to the bubble encompassing the pinballing mare. Spike followed her from behind, and both of them held their throbbing heads from Pinkie’s previous hayraine-inducing screaming.

“I’m a mother! Eeeeee!”

“Wow, she must be excited for some of her voice to get through your soundproof barrier, Twi,” Spike said.

“No kidding. This has never happened before, but at least it’s strong enough to keep her inside.” Twilight shook her head. She scowled at the still-squealing/bouncing Pinkie and shouted, “Pinkie, can you calm down for just five seconds?!”

“Okay,” Pinkie calmly said as she halted her bouncing. The barrier surrounding her vanished to whatever magic from canceled spells is dumped.

Twilight started, “Now–”

“EEEEEEE!!”

In a poof of magic, Pinkie’s mouth vanished.

Spike commented, “Well, at least she stopped screaming for five seconds and is still standing in one spot.”

“Pinkie, that wasn’t what I meant! What’s going on with you?!”

Pinkie pointed a hoof toward where her mouth once was.

“Oh, right,” Twilight’s cheeks sheepishly reddened. “Even you can’t talk without a mouth.”

Pinkie’s mouth poofed back onto her face.

“Now can you tell me, and without screaming this time?”

“I’m going to be a mother! Isn’t it exciting?!”

“Wow, really?” Twilight asked as she smiled. She hugged Pinkie and said, “Congratulations, Pinkie! I didn’t even know you had a boyfriend, but you shouldn’t literally bounce around for your growing foal’s sake.”

Spike asked, “Why did you keep your boyfriend a secret from us anyway? Is it anypony we know?”

“Hehe, silly Twilight and Spike.” Pinkie petted Twilight’s head in borderline pity. “I don’t have a boyfriend. You know I wouldn’t be able to hide something so big from two of my bestest friends ever.”

“Oh.” Twilight let Pinkie go. She bashfully rubbed the back of her neck. “Well, I’m not one to judge ponies for having, uh, one-night stands–”

“Oh, no no no!” Pinkie clarified while waving her forehooves as further nos. “I don’t need to have….you know to lay eggs.”

“Uh, what?” Twilight and Spike asked in unison.

“I said, ‘I don’t need to have…you know to lay eggs’.”

“Uh, what?” Twilight repeated in a deeper, more deadpan voice.

Spike asked, “I’m scared to ask, but who’s the father?”

“I’ll give you a hint: she’s a stress-prone, book-loving, quesadilla-fearing alicorn who secretly writes romance novels.”

Yes, those hints were what you thought they were, even the romance one. As would happen to anyone/anypony who is normal, Twilight and Spike gasped as their pupils shrank.

“WHAT?! You mean Twilight?!”

“That is utterly impossible for multiple reasons!” The first-ever alicorn father(?) stepped onto a small, conveniently nearby box filled with bars of soap. She cleared her throat and raised her head in a lecturing fashion. “One: ponies can’t lay eggs. Two: I’m a mare, so I am biologically incapable of fatherhood.”

Spike stared down at box under Twilight’s hooves and asked, “Uh, Twi? Why are you standing–”

“I like standing on boxes of soap when I gave impromptu lectures, but there’s rarely one around when I do.”

“Huh? And you call Pinkie ‘random’?”

“Spike, my own random habits aren’t important right now! Anyway, Pinkie, three: even if I had male reproductive organs, the closest we’ve ever come to…that, was when I nuzzled you to cheer you up last month.” Twilight hopped off her box and shoved a hoof into Pinkie’s chest, “And four: you agreed to never speak of how I write romance novels in secret! What if Rainbow hears about it?!”

“Four: oops, I forgot. Sorry!” Twilight backed her hoof off Pinkie and Pinkie said, “Two: of course it’s possible for you to be my egg’s father! One: the Pie family can lay eggs.” Pinkie leaned her head to one of Twilight’s ears and whispered, “And in case you forgot, I’m a Pie.”

“Gee, thanks for reminding me,” Twilight snarked with her eyes squinted. “I completely forgot.”

“You’re welcome.” Pinkie pulled her head away from Twilight’s ear. “And three: all a Pie needs to lay eggs is to be nuzzled by a pony they are close with who isn’t related to them, and you met every requirement. Therefore, since I laid the egg, it makes me mama and you daddy.”

Twilight and Spike audibly blinked twice, the news to end all news loading into their brains. Once said news had 100% loaded, the adoptive brother-sister duo erupted in hearty laughter.

“Okay, I have no idea how, but Twilight’s a dad! Ha ha ha! I can’t wait to tell Shining Armor!”

“Don’t be silly, Spike; this is just a joke! Ha ha ha, a mare being a father! She almost had me!”

“It’s not a joke, soon-to-be-dad! If you don’t believe me, I can show you my, I mean, our egg in my room.”

The laughing from Twilight’s mouth took a sudden sick day. “Wait, you’re not joking? But I told you that–”

“Heh heh, Twi? Instead of you ranting about how this can’t be possible, let’s just go with Pinkie and see this egg.”

At Sugarcube Corner…

With Pinkie Pie leading the way while hopping, Pinkie, Twilight, and Spike walked or hopped up the stairs in Sugarcube Corner and into Pinkie’s bedroom.

In the middle of the bedroom lay a nest holding a pillow, which in turn cradled a lavender egg. A gray unicorn stallion wearing a white jacket stood beside it, levitating a sheet of paper in his magic.

“See?” Pinkie motioned to her egg. “It even takes after you!”

Her mouth agape, Twilight stumbled in a stance-like pace toward the nest and egg. She circled the egg, her gaze not straying from it.

“Whoa, Pinkie was serious,” Spike said as he stepped forward and peeked at the new egg, even as Twilight continued her circular pace of disbelief. “There’s really an egg here.”

“This…just can’t be possible, and this egg is somehow mine too?” Twilight’s pacing slowed to a full stop and she faced the watching doctor. “Doctor, did Pinkie truly lay this egg?”

“I didn’t see her lay it, but paternity tests compatible with eggs confirmed that it is indeed Ms. Pie’s egg. Furthermore, its color perfectly matching your coat color is too improbable to be a coincidence, so it appears you may be its father as she claims.”

The alicorn alternated between staring at her egg and the doctor. “No…no…this can’t be. How? HOW?! Even Pinkie Pie logic can’t explain how I could father an egg just by nuzzling Pinkie?! I even only did it once!”

Pinkie’s fluffy mane deflated, its cheerful pink color dimming to a sorrowful gray. Her lips and ears woefully sagged. “Oh, I understand. You just don’t want our foal-to-be. Fine, I’ll be a single–”

“N-n-no!” With a guilt-filled frown, Twilight hurried to Pinkie’s side and laid her hoof onto the mother’s back. “It’s not that, I promise! I even wanted to have foals someday, but I just never expected to get any…this way.”

“Really?” Pinkie’s mane poofed and brightened back to its normal fluffy pink self, along with her typical cheerful grin.

“Really,” Twilight answered with a supportive nod. “If this is our foal growing in our egg, they will have two loving parents: you and me.”

“Just don’t give them too many chores like you do to me.”

Twilight glared down at Spike. “Spike, you know the reason you have so many is that you enjoy it! You remember how you took it when I gave some of your chores to Owlowiscious?”

Spike stared toward the floor and fiddled with his fingers. “You have a point.”

“I know.” Twilight lilted her hoof off Pinkie’s back. “But regardless, this whole thing is too ridiculous to be true. My gut tells me that this egg isn’t what it seems and that I’m not the father.”

“Whatever you say, Dad,” Spike said, complete with a teasing smirk.

Twilight rolled her eyes and groaned. “Anyway, Doctor, can we run a paternity test with my DNA to find out for sure? Ow!”

Three strands of hair yanked from Twilight’s mane and floated toward the doctor as his horn glowed white. “If you wish. I will run each strand of your mane through separate tests, and you are unequivocally the egg’s father if all three tests confirm it. You will receive the results tomorrow.”

The next day, in Princess Twilight’s castle…

Spike and Starlight Glimmer dashed into the castle’s library with the former carrying a letter in one of his hands.

Starlight said, “Twilight, the paternity test results are here.”

“Want me to open it and read it for you?” Spike asked.

“Go ahead,” Twilight answered while lying on a couch. She turned her head away from an open book in front of her and toward Spike and Starlight. “I’m sure it will say I’m not the father.”

Spike ripped open the letter and took a brief read at the newly freed paper. He giggled and showed it to Starlight, who giggled in return.

“Sorry, Dad-to-be,” Starlight said while wearing a smirk, “but this says that you are the father.”

“WHAT?! Let me see that!” Twilight snatched the letter with her magic and floated it to her. It bore only a single sentence: "Yes, Princess Twilight Sparkle, you are the father!"

While Twilight gawked at that paper in stunned silence, Spike and Starlight broke into laughter.

“Ha ha ha! I still can’t believe it!” Starlight held her stomach and let out a couple of wheezes. “Just when I think I’ve seen it all with Pinkie, in comes you being her egg’s dad!”

Spike grasped his stomach and emitted his own wheeze. The impact of him being an uncle refused to register; he had more laughing to do. “Rainbow has called you an ‘egghead’ ever since she met you, and now you're the dad to an egg! Ha ha ha!”

The corners of Twilight’s lips drooped. Her pupils enlarged into a void, blank stare. Her body stiffened.

It was official. Medical professionals had confirmed that somehow, someway, Twilight was the father of Pinkie’s egg. Her. Princess Twilight Sparkle, the Princess of Friendship. A father. A parent.

“I’m…a parent….I’m really a…parent…?”

Spike and Starlight finally exited “laugh at confused alicorns” mode and stopped laughing.

“We’re…gonna leave you alone and hang out by ourselves for a while. I’ll check on you later, and congratulations,” Spike said. He and Starlight strode back toward the door they had entered the library from, but they both turned around with smirks.

“Papa,” both Starlight and Spike said simultaneously.

Author's Note

Safe to say this wasn't what Twilight expected to happen when she gave Pinkie a nuzzle.

Chapter 2: Denial and an egg-pected surprise

One hour after Princess Twilight Sparkle broke from a letter saying she was a father…

Spike strolled into a door of the castle’s library and said, “Hey, Dad of the Year, are…”

“I…am really…” Twilight spoke softly, her dilated pupils still locked in a void, blank stare. Her body remained stiff and motionless.

Spike’s playful smile sagged to a taking-stuff-seriously frown. “Twilight, are you okay?”

“Me…parent…?”

“This is bad. I thought she would have fixed herself by now.” Spike stomped over to the stunned Twilight. He yanked her head down to his face and screamed, “TWILIGHT!! SNAP OUT OF IT!!”

“Par…ent…?”

“This is even worse than I thought.” He let Twilight’s head rise back to its normal height. He stroked his cheek in thought. An idea that he had hoped to never have to use sprouted in his head. “She’s not going to like it, but I better use it to unbreak her.”

Spike hurried out of the library, down the hallways, and into his bedroom. He dug through his box of comic books and pulled out a case with a glass door buried underneath the books. It contained a long, sharp pin that said in red letters “Emergency Twilight/Starlight-repairing kit” on the glass. He blew a hesitant sigh, then took out the pin, ran back to the library, and stood behind Twilight. The latter was still unmoving while mumbling in disbelief.

“Sorry about this, Twilight, but this will hurt me almost as it will you.” He pulled back his hand holding the pin and…okay, I shouldn’t have to describe how the pointy part of that pin rammed into one of Twilight’s buttcheeks.

“OW!!” she yelled as she sprung up all the way to and bumped her head against the ceiling. “Ow!”

“Whoa. I didn’t know she could jump that high.”

“Hey!” The Princess glared down to Spike, flapping her wings to maintain her spot in the air. “What’s the big idea, Spike?! That hurt!”

“Sorry, but it was the only way to snap you out of that…state you were in.”

“Somehow I doubt that was your only option.” Twilight flew back to the floor. She massaged her head and whined, “Even if you did have no choice, did you really have to stick me in that place of all places?”

“With you that broken, it was either there or in one of your eyes. At least you’re not stuck mumbling about being a father anymore.”

Twilight’s pupils enlarged again. “I…no!” She shook herself and her pupils out of that near-trance. “I can’t be a par–uh, father! I’m too young!”

“Uh, pretty sure it’s not unprecedented for mares to have their first foal when they are–”

“Ooh, I know!” Twilight grinned as an idea candle lit over her head. “I’m going to go see Princess Celestia! She might have an idea!” Twilight zipped out of the library in a lavender blur and a gust of wind. Spike covered his eyes as the wind gust smacked into him.

“Why do I always get cut off whenever I’m about to say Twilight’s age out loud?”

In Canterlot Castle's throne room…

“I see.” Princess Celestia sat up from her throne. She stroked her cheek with a thoughtful hoof. “I have heard rumors of a tiny group of ponies being capable of laying eggs, but I always brushed them aside as something conceived by conspiracy theorists.”

That grin Twilight wore on her entire trip to Canterlot, even earning her stares on the train, melted into a frown. “You believe I’m the father to an egg too?”

“It does sound ridiculous, but it is Pinkie Pie that laid your egg.” Celestia trotted to Twilight and motherly held up her head with a wing. “Besides, don’t you remember how you learned that ‘some things can’t be explained’ not long after you moved to Ponyville? This may well be one of those things.”

“Well, yes, but I…no!” Twilight pulled her head away from Celestia’s wing and paced in circles in defiance–of that egg being hers. “I can’t be a father! My instincts are telling me it’s a mistake, and I remember the lesson I learned about trusting my instincts! You were even there to tell it to me!”

“Um, Twilight? I can see that you’re worried about being a parent, but if–”

“Worried?” Twilight broke from her pacing, her pupils shrinking. She retreated – both physically with hoofsteps and mentally. “Who’s worried? I’m not worried! I just want to learn the truth! I…I’ll go to the Crystal Empire and see Cadance! She’s the Princess of Love, so maybe she’ll have some ideas!” Twilight dashed out of the throne room and out of the castle in a blur and gust of wind. Celestia shielded her eyes from the alicorn-triggered wind smacking into her.

“Hmm. I suppose it was inevitable with how many lessons there were, but a few of the lessons Twilight and her friends learned can contradict each other.”

In the Crystal Palace’s throne room…

“How is he?” Princess Cadance asked a blue unicorn stallion.

“He’s fine,” the stallion said as he smiled in assurance. “Prince Shining might have a broken rib or two, but he should make a full recovery. He was fortunate to have received such timely CPR.”

Cadance blew a deep, relieved sigh. “That’s wonderful news. Please keep me informed if anything changes.”

“Of course, your Highness.” The stallion bowed in respect. His work done, he trotted out of the throne room.

All the while, Princess Twilight stood by wearing a sour frown. Her earlier panic from seeing her brother clinically dead had submitted shamelessly to her current frustration with said brother’s laughing. “I’m glad my CPR revived him, but I still can’t believe Shining laughed so hard about me being a father that his heart stopped beating.”

“Come on, Twilight, let it go,” Cadance scolded with a fed-up sour frown of her own. “I know it was mean, but he was just being a big brother, and I’m sure he’ll apologize later. At any rate, I take it that you finally accepted that Pinkie’s egg is yours?”

“No!” Dread built back up and swirled inside Twilight’s chest. “I said it before: it can’t be true! Surely you have some idea of what is really going on, right? You’re the Princess of Love!”

“Sadly, I do not. Besides, I’m the Princess of Love, not the Princess of Reproduction, so I don’t have any more knowledge of how Pinkie could have laid an egg than you do. If there is no other explanation and paternity tests confirmed you are the father, then–”

“Then I will keep searching for an explanation! I’ll gather up as many books as I can about eggs, genetics, and reproduction! I’m going to solve this mystery! You’ll see!” Twilight zipped out of the throne room in a blur and gust of wind, again.

After performing the obligatory eye-protecting from the short-lived wind, Cadance shook her head toward her throne room’s doors in pity. “I’ve never seen anypony take the news of being a parent this hard. Shining only took two hours to wake up after I told him I was pregnant with Flurry.”

One week later, in Papa Twilight’s library…

With stacks of books on the floor and beside her on her couch, Twilight skimmed through book after book. She moaned or grunted after each failed attempt to explain how she wasn’t the father of Pinkie’s egg.

“No. If it was due to parthenogenesis, she still wouldn’t have laid an egg. Uh…maybe an atavism is the reason? No, even atavisms wouldn't explain why paternity tests claim I’m the father. Uh…”

Rainbow, Spike, and Starlight walked through one of the library’s doors.

“Hey, Pops, what’s up?” Rainbow asked with a smirk.

Pops launched a glare toward Rainbow. “I told you to stop that! I’m not a father! This is just some trick or anomaly I haven’t figured out yet!”

“You’ve been saying that all week,” Spike said. “We all know Pinkie can do things no other pony can do, so maybe she really did lay your egg. If she were messing with us, she would have told us by now.”

“I know Pinkie sometimes does the impossible, but I can’t!” Twilight set down her last book. “I think I can rule out atavisms or even magic being the cause. I better find more books about eggs, genetics, and reproduction to find my answer.”

Starlight glanced at the stacks of books on the floor and on Twilight’s couch. “Are there any left? Didn’t you say earlier that the books with you now were the last ones?”

“I-I’m sure there are some I’ve yet to find.” Twilight pushed herself off her couch. “If I look hard en–”

“Twilight, give it up,” Rainbow said as she rolled her eyes. “You’ve tried everything to prove Pinkie’s egg isn’t yours.”

Pinkie hopped into the library, pushing a foal carriage holding her and Twilight’s egg. “Hi! I know you’re still not ready to believe it, but do you wanna come with me and take our egg for a walk, Twilight?”

“Not now. I’m still trying to see if–”

“And you’ve gotten nowhere!” Starlight Interjected as she flicked her forehooves up in the air. “Look, I know I only have average knowledge of eggs and genetics at best. I don’t even know what an ‘atavism’ is. Is it some kind of food?”

“In short, an atavism is when an organism regains a biological trait they had lost over the course of evolution, due to dormant genes for that trait somehow reactivating,” the egghead dad answered. “It is how an otherwise normal snake can theoretically be naturally born with legs.”

“Oh. Neat. Uh, anyway, as I was saying, if science and your books can’t give another reason and even paternity tests claim the egg is yours, why can’t you just accept it?”

“As I said, Starlight, it must be a mis–”

“All right, I’ve had enough.” Spike marched to Twilight with an uncharacteristically alpha scowl. “Twilight, seriously, I know you can be stubborn, but you didn’t resist this hard to believe Pinkie about her Pinkie Sense.” He crossed his arms and added, “You know what? Maybe she was right when she said you don’t want your egg.”

Twilight shook her head in protest. “No, it’s not that! It’s just…just…” The mare gazed away and looked to the floor.

“Just, just, what?” Rainbow asked.

“I…ugh, fine!” Twilight shot her head back to her friends. Veins branched throughout her eyes. “I’m afraid that I might fail my foal by not being a good parent! Okay?! Are you all happy now?!”

Pinkie’s, Rainbow’s, Starlight’s, and Spike’s mouths widened. A deafening silence choked the library. Even the books on the floor, couch, and bookshelves seemed unsure of what to do next.

“What?” Spike spoke meekly, feeling to be half of his normal size.

Twilight inhaled a cool, semi-calming breath. Her veins retreated back to de facto invisibility. “I know I can read books on parenting, but I could screw up in so many ways. What if my foal grows up to hate me? What if I’m too careless and get them hurt or worse? What if I do give them too many chores? I just don’t know if I can be a good enough parent, especially with how bad I stress out.” She sat on the floor and wrapped her wings around herself. In a whisper rivaling that of a terrified filly, Twilight added, “I’m scared.”

“Oh, so that’s why you kept refusing to believe Pinkie’s egg is yours too.” Rainbow’s lips drooped to a guilt-filled frown. She facehoofed and said, “I should have known something else was up.”

Pinkie walked to and wrapped her forehooves around Twilight. “Oh, Twilight, why didn’t you tell me you were this scared?”

“Because you looked like your heart was broken when you first thought I didn’t want our foal. Besides lying to myself, I didn’t want you to think I was just trying to get out of being a parent.”

Spike hung his head in shame and remorse. “Now I feel like a big jerk for picking on you by calling you ‘Dad’ or whatever.” He walked to Twilight and Pinkie, and spread his arms around the doubt-filled father. “I’m so sorry, Twi.”

Starlight crept toward and wrapped her forelegs around said dad. “I’m sorry too. You taught me to be there for friends when something might be truly bothering them, not keep teasing them like I was doing to you all week.”

Pinkie, Spike, and Starlight looked over to Rainbow. After a moment to get out any silly “anti-touchy-feely” thoughts, she joined in the touchy-feely group hug. “I’m sorry too. I should have been a better friend.”

“It’s okay guys. With how stubborn I can be, it’s understandable for you to think that was the sole reason.” The friends broke up their hug. “Being a parent could be even harder than being a friend or princess, and even those I sometimes mess up on. I can’t mess up at all on being a parent!”

A poof of magic flashed behind Twilight. As the magic cleared, it revealed Discord, who wrapped his arm around the alicorn. “Aw, Twi-Twi, don’t you know that many first-time parents have those kinds of worries?”

“I guess, but–wait.” Twilight looked up to Discord with a bewildered stare. “Did you call me ‘Twi-Twi’?”

“My new nickname for you isn’t important right now, Daddy Twi-Twi.” Discord lifted his arm off Twilight and flicked one of her ears. “What is important, besides me, is that you aren’t giving yourself enough credit.” Discord snapped his paw. A sign saying “Ms. Clutch” and a hat saying “Twi Cool” poofed on Twilight’s chest and head respectively. “You’ve always come through when it mattered and handled any responsibility you’ve had to take on.”

“Discord’s right. You’ve been more like a mom to me at times than even the mare that raised us. You may not be perfect, but I can still assure you that you would be not just a good parent, but a great parent.”

“I don’t know.” Twilight levitated her new hat and sign off her chest/head.

“But I do!” Pinkie exclaimed. “I mean, look at me; if I think I’m ready to be a parent, then you have to be more, more, more ready! As you said, if it is our foal growing in our egg, they will have two loving parents: you and me.”

“And several aunts and uncles!” Spike said, then gasped. An overdue grin crept on his face. “That’s right! I’m going to be an uncle! I mean, I know I’m Flurry Heart’s uncle, but I hardly ever see her. I’m practically gonna get to help raise this niece or nephew!”

“Maybe you all have a point. Part of me wasn’t sure if I could handle being a princess at first, but it turned out I can.” A confident smirk curled on Twilight’s lips. “Yeah, I got this! Why should being a parent be that much different?”

“And if part of you still isn’t ready,” Starlight said, “you have some more time until the egg hatches.”

“You’re right, but I’m ready.” Twilight cheerfully hopped, a wave of excitement pulsing through her. “Hehe, I’m starting to get a little excited over having my own foal! I don’t know how long it will take for the egg to hatch, but I can use this time to start planning–”

“Nah, you have more time than you think; that egg isn’t yours or Pinkie’s,” Discord said matter-of-factly.

“WHAT?!” the ponies and dragon shouted.

“I made Pinkie lay that egg, but it’s fake.” Discord flew over to the egg in Pinkie's foal carriage and poked it. The egg shattered into pieces. “You know that ‘doctor’ who was with Pinkie after she laid her egg?” He teleported back to Twilight, leaned his head to her ear, and whispered, “Spoiler alert: that was me. As for who sent you that letter saying you are the father, also me.”

“But why?! Even your jokes on me always made at least some kind of twisted sense, but this one makes no sense at all!”

Spike asked, “Was it to teach Twilight a lesson and boost her confidence in case she really becomes a parent someday?”

“Sure, let’s go with that.”

The master troll struck again. Twilight scowled, letting out a deep, low growl. The things she put up with since Discord reformed, more or less. “Discord.”

“So I guess that second egg I laid three hours ago in my nest was fake too, huh?”

“WHAT?!” All but Pinkie shouted, Discord included.

Discord snapped his paw. With a poof, he and the others teleported out of the library.

At Sugarcube Corner…

Another poof erupted inside Pinkie’s bedroom, carrying four ponies, a dragon, and draconequus along with it. You know the ones.

ln Pinkie’s nest, a pink egg, dotted with lavender spots, lay peacefully inside. With the exception of Pinkie, the friends’ mouths dropped – literally and to the floor in Discord’s case.

Twilight pointed a hoof toward the new egg. “Pinkie, why didn’t you tell me that you laid another egg?!”

“Because you would have denied it was your egg, so I decided to wait until you were finally ready to believe.” Pinkie chuckled sheepishly. “Eveeeen though you ended up being right all along. Still, I was looking forward to being a mo–”

Discord held his paw in innocence. “It’s not me this time.”

“What do you mean?” Rainbow asked.

“Pinkie was only supposed to lay one egg under my…influence. She laid that second one on her own.”

Twilight huffed. “Nice try, Discord, but you’re not fooling me again.”

“No, I’m serious.” Discord snapped his paw; a box filled with bars of soap poofed under his feet. He laid his paw over his chest. “I swear on Fluttershy’s future grave that I did not make Pinkie lay another egg.”

“Ohh. In that case, first…” The father-after-all(?) smirked at Spike. “Ha! See, Spike? It’s not only me that likes to stand on soap boxes during speeches!” She stared toward her egg as her smirk flipped. “And two, Discord, if you’re not behind this, does it mean Pinkie and I truly do have an egg?”

Discord answered, “It looks like it, Dad.”

A deepening smile eeked onto Pinkie’s lips. Her body vibrated. Each vibration fired with more force than the last. An explosion of elation erupted and the earth pony screeched, “EEEEEEE!! I'M REALLY A MO–”

As Twilight’s horn glowed, a magenta bubble materialized around Pinkie. Unlike the one from a week ago, this one fully muffed her joy-packed screeching.

“So, looks like you’re a father for real after all, Dadlight,” Starlight said with a sly grin.

“In case this is somehow another trick, let’s have some real doctors look over the egg before we get too excited.” Twilight glanced toward the bubble holding Pinkie, who was now bouncing about inside it. “Or before most of us get too excited. But first, a warning. “Twilight’s horn glowed brighter. “The next one to call me any variation of ‘father’ to antagonize me will ‘find out’.”

“Ohhhh. Already preparing to be a protective father, Papa Twilight?” Discord teased.

Outside of Sugar Cube Corner…

A magenta beam of magic fired from a window of the bakery, shooting Discord out with it. The master troll flew across Ponyville and finally crashed down into a box of soap bars so ridiculously conveniently placed, it could only be a contrived coincidence. The box shattered in impact and the liberated soap covered Discord all over.

He slowly raised a paw and gave a thumbs-up. “Totally worth it, boys and girls. I needed a bath anyway.”

Author's Note

RIP soap box.

Now let's see if anyone picked up what "Twi Cool" is a reference to.