The Chemical Re-Mark

"It all started when I was about fifteen, I think. Every other pony in my class was raving about who they'd like to kiss or date or marry, and I wasn't far behind except for success. The closest I came to a real relationship was with this colt named Bottle Cap, who I had a crush on, but I never really worked up the nerve to talk to him before his family moved to Manehattan and he had to change schools.

My friend Macaroon came to console me the day after he did, and she assured me that I'd eventually find out the right pony for me.

If only she knew.

I still hadn't gotten my cutie mark near the end of that school year, so the school sent me, Macaroon and the other late-bloomers at-home aptitude tests. I was going to start work on mine after letting it sit for a day, but the Grand Galloping Gala was coming up, and since the palace was visible from my little sister's school they decided to host their own 'Tiny Galloping Gala' at the same time, for fun, with a whole dress code and everything. So, my little sister needed help with finding and getting a dress for the occasion. Bear with me..."

Cheerilee took a deep breath with a shudder. "So, I decided to get started on her dress even though my test was due way earlier just because she made puppy-dog eyes at me and I was bored out of my mind. So I decided to try my hoof at creating an 'ensemble' out of an old dress I had. But when we tried putting it on, it didn't f-fit, so I had to..."

Starlight pressed herself against the back of her chair as tightly as she could. "Woooooowwww, Cheerilee, that was, uh-"

Cheerilee shook herself and slammed her forehooves against the floor. "Bear with me! I'll get to the important part soon."

"...Okay. So you were saying you had to do what?"

"Cut it. Yes, the dress was too big, and so I decided to cut it, but for that I'd have to m-measure her body."

Starlight, her back straightened to the maximum, resorted to tightening her lips instead as Cheerilee turned back to the chalkboard.

She erased her family and childhood home, and in their stead she drew a smiling flower on top of a hill, basking in the sun's rays.

"I didn't ask her to undress. She just slid off of the dress, and stood in front of the mirror while I brought over the tape to her flank. And while I was behind her, measuring her barrel, a mote of dust landed on her pretty little nose and as she sneezed her tail shot up, and oh dear Celestia, can I ever forgive myself for even thinking it?" She laid down on the floor, sobbing. "What crime did I commit to deserve such punishment?"

If Starlight could bring a hoof to her mouth, she would. "Hey, hey! Cheer up, uhm, miss Cheerilee! That, uhm, situation you described doesn't sound like it came from you! W-who knows, maybe that was just your brain asking 'hey, wouldn't it be fucked up if this happened? Good thing it didn't!'"

Starlight risked a smile when Cheerilee raised her head from her front legs to look her in the eyes, but it slowly withered as she walked right up to her face, a hair away from her muzzle, letting out a sniff.

"I can't forget what happened after that, but the details are a bit fuzzy. She yelped and flinched away from me, and ran away to our parents, or at least that's what I think happened. All I knew is that there was this fire taking control of my body, and I wanted to stoke the flames. So I clambered into the bathroom, and locked the door."

Cheerilee backed away as she realized Starlight could lick the tears right off her cheeks. "After a while, thought came back and hit me on the back of the head. I must've stood there, mouth agape, for either ten or twenty seconds before I decided to try and look at my hoof. There was just the slightest drop of blood on it, almost invisible against my fur, and as soon as I saw it I ran to the skin and pratically began scraping it off."

Cheerilee took a hoof to her mouth and both her and Starlight gagged. "As I finished up, I heard noises outside the room. My sister had gone to get our parents, but she went back halfway through to put something on. They'd followed her yelling back to the corridor just outside the bathroom, and my sister, Celestia save her, was explaining what just happened, and I'll never forget her words.

'She saw my flower!'

It was then that I heard this shimmer, like a star was blinking. The bathroom was bathed in light, and I looked back to see this." She fell down on her haunches, and swatted the three smiling flowers on her flank. "These flowers... I was blind to their meaning at the time."

And thus, I came out of the bathroom, marching to what should have been my doom. But because of my sister's innocence, my parents didn't understand what happened. And when I came out, stamped with proof of my crime, my parents had this look of understanding wash over them. Then they did a little dance in the corridor together, saying 'I can't believe our little Cheerilee's already a mare!' in unison.

And those words were more shocking than any bolt of lightning could ever hope to be. They decided to celebrate the occasion by eating out at my favorite place, because Mom and Dad always take the sweet time before ordering the exact same thing, and I remember a waiter angrily asking what I'd like to eat. I stammered and just decided to share a big plate of smiling fried potatoes with my sister.

As the potatoes glared at me for letting them go cold, I happened to spot Macaroon. She was sitting alone at a table, looking about as forlorn as me. She was wearing a black dress that covered most of her body down to her back hooves, and her glasses were held together by tape now. Then, she saw me, and she grinned and ran over.

She gasped when she saw my cutie mark, which I must've decided to show off. 'You got your cutie mark already?! It's SOOOO cute! What's it for?'

'Uh, nothing.' What could I say?

'Come on! I'm sure it isn't that bad. It's probably better than mine...'

I saw an exit and took it. 'Wait, you have a cutie mark now too?! You gotta tell me first!'

'Nuh-uh, I asked first. Tell me!' She reared up then slammed her hooves down on the tile floor, turning a few heads toward us.

Mom came from my left with a devious grin on her face. 'You know, Macaroon, she hasn't actually told us what it means either... maybe she was saving it for dinner!'"

Dad flanked me from the right, pearly white teeth glinting in the incandescent light. 'Ohh, maybe the smiling flowers mean she'll be a dentist like her old man! That's what it is, right, Bug-bear?'

'Sorry, Mr., but it's probably a cutie mark for being a teacher's pet. Those flowers look just like a bouquet she brought to welcome a substitute teacher last week!' Macaroon teased with a gentle smile, unaware of the fact she'd just saved my life.

'I, uh, yeah! Something like that! It looks like that 'cause, uh, because I'm a great teacher! And I want to see my students, uh...'

Lucky me, I wasn't too far off.

'...BLOOM! Yes, like flowers! Right?' My sister finished, and all I could offer as thanks was a nod.

My parents then immediately had me in a bear hug, and my sister and Macaroon joined in not soon after; I didn't actually see them come, but I did hear their cheers get just a bit louder.

Life after that went almost smoothly. As I paraded my flank around in class, I started to truly believe it stood for my future as a teacher. I was absorbed in telling ponies all about it- all about what pedagogy meant to me and how much I loved working with children. In fact, I thought so much of my cutie mark I forgot about Macaroon's entirely.

That was, until we went on a friend's birthday party together and I got to see it for the first time, framed by her leopard-print coat and neon-green leg warmers, and held higher than her own head. It was a bundle of paper, bound in the middle by a blue ribbon. It took some effort to get her to talk about it.

'I've told you already, it's just a lame piece of paper. Why won't you stop bugging me about it?'

'Because I'm really really curious, and you keep dodging the question!' I sped up, and skidded to a stop right in front of her. 'C'mon, girl, my cutie mark is in teaching. Surely yours can't be lamer than that?'

She flinched back as if expecting to be hit. 'I-It can and it is! Look at it this way: society couldn't function without knowledge. Teachers impart knowledge to ponykind. Ergo, society needs teachers. You probably have the most important cutie mark in our class!'

'Okay, sure, it's an important job, but it's not what any foal dreams of becoming when they grow up. Now tell me: are you a reporter, carrying the hottest gossip of Equestria in that paper? Or are you a mailmare, delivering the love letters of princes and queens the world over? Or maybe, even a gifted writer working on her magnum opus! Tell me!'

Macaroon shrunk into herself, and let out a meek sound barely audible over the dance party music. 'I'm a bureaucrat...'

I did understand exactly what she said, which is why I replied with 'What?'

Macaroon's face twisted into itself as she lunged towards me, screaming at the top of her lungs. 'I'M A BUREAUCRAT, CHEERS! All I'm good at is signing my name on a paper! I'm like if a stamp was disgusting to look at! I'm like if a typewriter was meant to bring you down! I'm USELESS, that's what I am!'

She draped herself on top of me and cried into my shoulder until the skin underneath my coat was damp. While she cried, I slowly dragged her away from the party and into the filly's bathroom and away from everypony staring at her.

I decided to lug both of us into a stall and hug her until she stopped crying. 'Y'know,' I began once her sobs turned to sniffling. 'I, uh, I think bureaucracy is pretty important! how would we have, uhm, mayors, or I guess mortgages or whatever without it?'

It worked, since she raised her head to look through me. 'Cheers, Bureaucracy is a body of non-elected governing officials, and a mortgage is a loan given out by a bank or some other financial society. We're nothing like mayors, but at least we're not money lenders either.'

'Really? Well that's- I didn't know that! That's pretty cool. That you know all that stuff, I mean, haha.'

Macaroon let out a half-giggle after me. 'Mom did say knowing these things could be useful someday.' She hugged me tighter, and didn't make a sound for a while after that.

We sat in that grimy stall for anywhere between a few minutes to a few hours before she made a meek attempt at breaking the silence. 'Hey, Cheers?'

'Hm?'

'You... love your parents, right?'

I shifted a bit in my seat, because her weight was starting to hurt. '...Yes?'

'But do they love you back?'

I drew my head back. 'Y-yeah, I'm pretty sure they do, haha!'

She recoiled. But then she went quiet again.

I was getting sore from sitting on a toilet like that. 'So, uhm, are you ready to get back to the party? They're probably wondering where we are right now.'

She sat up, and I rubbed my legs to get blood running through them. Just as I was getting up too, she put a heavy hoof on my shoulder and glared right into my soul.

'I need your help.'

'You- okay, alright. What do you need help with?'

'Escaping.'

'What?'

I didn't press her on the details, and I don't think she would have said anything if I did. I did gather that she needed to get out of Canterlot more than she needed to sleep, though, so I thought I'd help her out. I thought twice about that halfway through actually helping her.

'You sure you want to do this?' I asked, pulling a granola bar out of my backpack and sitting down on the train seat opposite to hers. 'I mean, you won't be able to just go back after-'

Macaroon threw her head forwards to try to hide the spasm on her face. 'Yes, Cheerilee, I am sure. That's why I got on this train in the first place.'

'Wow, okay.' I made a show of opening the map in as fluid of a motion my mouth permitted. 'Anyway, if you don't mind me asking: why'd you choose this little farming village? I thought you had family in Manehattan?'

'Yes, I do have family there, and that's exactly why I can't go there. That's where they'd look first. Meanwhile, you didn't even know this place existed before I told you about it! And besides, this is the kind of remote little place that might genuinely need a bureaucrat. Or at least some pony who completed grade school.'

'Harsh. That's no way to talk about your new super secret villain hideout.'

'I mean it! They don't even have a school here. In fact, I think you should come live with me here because of that!'

'Nuh-uh! I couldn't just leave Canterlot behind. And anyway, the bits we saved up is only enough to feed one filly for a few weeks, and that filly is you. Wait, now that I think about it, how'd you get-'

Macaroon spoke as if she was trying to hold a yell of pain back. 'That's not your problem.' Then, as she heard her own raised voice, 'S-sorry, but I just really don't want to get into it. Thank you for all your help regardless.'

We stared at each other's for a few seconds before I grasped at any chance to change the subject. 'So, uh, real nice of those, uh, pear- no, apple farmers to host you like that.'

I spotted her cracking a minuscle grin just before the train went into a tunnel. ''Nice?' They're only giving me a roof over my head as long as I work for them!' She said it with a roll of her eyes, but the tone of her voice betrayed her gratitude. 'But I want you to know that I'll really miss you. How about you get to know the place? I was serious when I said Ponyville could use a pony like you.'

'...Eh, why not. I did tell my parents I'd bring something back for them; I can't come back with empty hooves now. Maybe I'll ask your hosts for, I don't know, a bucket with a hole in it or somethHRRBR?!'

The train had come out of the end of the tunnel, and as soon as it did I leapt out of my seat towards the lush green world beyond the near window. The train took a sharp curve just after I'd leapt, and thankfully caused me to crash against the carpeted floor instead of the glass window. I scrambled back up no worse for wear and pressed my muzzle against the glass, drinking in the sight like a mare lost in the desert who'd come across an oasis.

Macaroon gently reached a hoof to close my fallen jaw. 'I take it you think the place looks neat?'

I shoved back against the glass just to glare at her. ''Neat?' It's BEAUTIFUL! You gotta send me postcards as often as you can!'

Macaroon looked around frantically as she waved her hooves up and down at me. 'SHHH! The whole train is going to hear you at this rate! We're not supposed to be here, remember?!'

I fell onto my seat, panting. 'Sorry! Sorry, sorry. It's just that this place is so pretty, but I still have to finish school, but I didn't bring a camera, but my sister-'

'The place isn't going anywhere, Cheers. While you're finishing up in school, think about coming to teach here, mmmmkay?'

I quieted down, and formulated a question for her. 'Macaroon, could you-'

'Shh! Stop! Don't use that name!'

'..Why not?'

'It's the name my parents gave me. It's the name they'll ask around for. I came up with a new name. Do you want to hear it?'

I nodded solemnly.

'Okay, here goes: It's 'John Smith''

I broke into a fit of giggling solemnly.

'SHH!'

'Don't you- heh- 'SHH' me! You're the one that came up with that- hah!- name! I'm- PFFT- certain you can think of something better than the name of a toilet!'

'I'm not good at thinking under pressure, okay?! How about YOU try and come up with something?'

I pressed my back against the back of my seat. 'Okay, okay, okay! Sure, I can do that. Let me think...'

I though of the Macaroon I knew. The Macaroon that comforted me when I couldn't get a date. The Macaroon that saved my flank at that restaurant. The Macaroon that trusted me to help her. The Macaroon that always had a plan. The Macaroon that wouldn't leave anypony behind.

'Mmm.. Mayor Mare..?'

Macaroon's ears turned from the window a moment earlier than the rest of her. 'What was that?'

'Oh, sorry, I'm just thinking about your name aloud.'

'Yes, but what was that you said?'

''Mayor Mare'..?'

'Yes, that one! It's perfect!'

'Very funny, filly.'

'I'm serious! I like it! Who knows, I might be a mayor someday!'

'I don't- don't you have to be born in a town to be mayor there? And you can't just name yourself after your job!'

'Not in itsy-bitsy Ponyville you don't! And tell that to our teacher Chalkboard.'

'I- okay, well, aren't you a tad too young to be elected mayor anyway?'

'I have to start putting my-brand new!- name out there soon to have a chance when I run for it in a few years, 'Popular Vote' and all that. And besides, I could inflate a few details here, dye my hair gray there...'

'..Touche.' I raised a hoof and remembered the question I prepared earlier. 'But please, if you ever do become mayor, can you do me a favor?'

'Hm?'

'I want you to protect these green pastures, this little wonderland. Its ponies and its stories. So I can teach them for the next generation of ponies here. Is that okay?'

Mayor Mare smiled from ear to ear. 'I can do that, yes.'"

"Wow, uhm, that's- that's all pretty cool, Miss Cheerilee," responded Starlight Glimmer after what she thought was the end of her captor's story. "W-what does that have to do with anything, though? 'Cause, uhm, did Maca- ahem, Mayor Mare let you tell this story to anypony or-"

"No, no, no, don't worry about that." Cheerilee punctuated her "no's" by stomping as she walked towards the chalkboard once again. "What matters is, I took her up on her offer."

"...Yes, I knew that." Starlight gestured with her head at Cheerilee, causing the bag to cover her eyes. "Urgh- look, I'm supposed to help Trixie out with a magic show tomorrow afternoon- actually, how much time has it been since you dragged me down here? ...Is it already tomorrow? Am I late?!"

"Wait! There's- there's a clock, hung on the wall behind you. It's n-not late, you're not late, no. I'll try and hurry along anyway. You see-"

"If Trixie gets stood up, because of this, you're a dead mare. But do go on about the greatest secrets of your closest friends," Starlight finished with a glare from beneath the bag, angling her head just to allow Cheerilee to see her seethe.

Cheerilee swallowed dry. "Okay. Erm, as I was saying, I took up her offer to teach in Ponyville. My sister was a wreck as we stood together with Mom and Dad at the train plataform, and she started wailing when we heard its whistle. I said goodbye with a kiss to her forehead, and climbed up into the train." She erased the hill on the chalkboard, and drew a simplistic train in its place. "But while I sat there and traveled, I kept thinking about the fact I'd kissed her. I soon figured I would probably wind up missing my station if I didn't do something about those thoughts, so I walked into the train's bathroom and... got to work again."

"Wait, wait, wait." Starlight threw herself forward, the grating steel against the floor earning a wince from Cheerilee. "This is the second time you've gone to do something in the bathroom after touching your sister, but you haven't actually told me what that was. Tell me what you meant by that."

Cheerilee slowly turned towards Glimmer. "...What?"

"Don't play dumb."

"I- Starlight, I'm sorry for the way I've treated you, but this doesn't justify joking around right now-"

"I'M joking around? You're the one speaking in riddles!"

Cheerilee winced. "Starlight, p-please don't make me say it out loud..."

"Say WHAT out loud? You've given me no way to puzzle out what you did in there! Did you paint an impressionist painting with your poop or-"

"For the love of CELESTIA, Starlight! I was trying to avoid saying I jilled off to my sister out loud! Couldn't you be any more dense?!"

"...You what? Wait, wait, don't tell me," she added after witnessing the sheer sadness she'd inflicted on Cheerilee. "I, uh, think I heard Rainbow Dash say that sometime..."

Then, at once, Starlight Glimmer's face lit up with recollection.

A moment after, it collapsed in on itself.

"You did WHAT?" Starlight tried to leap away and teleport to Twilight's castle, but only succeeded in falling full-force on her side. "Ow, fuck, I- you- YOU GET AWAY FROM ME!" she snapped at an approaching Cheerilee. "YOU SICK PIECE OF SHIT! FORGET ANY PLANS YOU HAD FOR MY MAGIC, BECAUSE I'D RATHER YOU SPLIT MY SKULL RIGHT HERE AND NOW!"

Cheerilee bit her tongue so hard she tasted blood. "Look, I know I'm a monster, Okay?! I just- I just had no idea I was that bad at the time!"

Starlight paused her furious thrashing to at her. "H- do you seriously- HOW COULD YOU NOT KNOW THAT?!"

"Nopony talked about it. Nopony ever thought about it, including me. I guess I figured that was normal?"

"That doesn't- okay, never mind. I need to know, then: when did you figure out that you belong in Tartarus, then?"

Cheerilee grimaced. "A few years after I moved to Ponyville, me and Mayor Mare were celebrating the anniversary of her running away from home at her house when I noticed she wasn't paying attention to anything. I asked her about it, and after a bit of prodding she confessed to the reason behind that train trip all those years ago. The reason nopony ever came looking for her is because her therapist called the cops on her legal guardians- in fact, the whole thing was the therapist's idea. But the reason he called the cops on them is because they had a legal case to make: her parents were both guilty of owning illict videos of-" Cheerilee gulped "-of foals in sexual situations. Including their own daughter. That's all she managed to tell me before she collapsed in a heap on top of me and began screaming about how much she wants to kill both of her parents. And in that moment- in the most vulnerable my best friend has ever been in her entire life- I caught myself feeling curious about those tapes and I haven't forgiven myself since. And that's why I decided I needed to kidnap you- it didn't matter what happened as long as I did something- anything- about my sickness."

Starlight hid her genuine horror behind an eye-roll. "O-oh, yeah, yeah. Did your, uhm, students- yes, students, begging you to let them go not tip y-ARGH!"

Cheerilee slowly pushed the hoof she put on top of Starlight's chest down as one would go up a step of stairs. "Don't, don't, don't. I k-know I am the single most vile pony you have ever come across. I know I don't deserve the heat of Celestia's sun. You can come with other such truisms for me too, and I'll r-ratify all of them. But I will never allow you to so much as imply I would do such a heinous thing to my very own students when I would first commit treason for them. Do you understand?"

Starlight tugged at her bindings, trying to reach for the hoof pressing down on her sternum. She mouthed a yell, then a curse, then pleading as her ribs ached. She took one look at Cheerilee through tear-filled eyes and feverishedly shook her head up and down.

Cheerilee shifted her weight away from the hoof on Starlight's chest. "Thank you very much, Starlight Glimmer."

As Cheerilee walked away from her, Starlight Glimmer gulped down the gift of air. She thanked each and every pegasus who worked on the weather that day even as her bruised ribs complained from the sudden movement. Her chest raised and lowered a good ten times before she even considered slooowly raising and turning her head to look at Cheerilee again.

"O-okay, okay, you win. I'm sorry. A-about that comment, I mean. Uhm, w-what do you want from me?"

Cheerilee laid down on the ground, legs tucked under her body as her head was level with Starlight. "I need you to fix me."