Mares Want Me, Fish Fear Me

by RunicTreetops

Rating: everyone
Tags: Fluttershy, Comedy, Random, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Rainbow Dash
Length: 3175

Twilight and her friends are always saying things like "Please, Anon, help us save Equestria!" I just wanna fish for Celestia's sake!

You've been waiting all month for this. A day off. A trip to your secret spot in the Everfree Forest. Nothing but you, the fish, and your cider. Truly, there is nothing more you could ask for.

So why do Twilight and friends have to bother you so much?!

Published 2023-05-06 21:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-05-06 21:50:01 UTC

Mares Want Me, Fish Fear Me

Let's see. Hat? Check. Fishing rod? Check. Tackle box? Check. Chair? Check. Cooler stuffed with cider?

...Ah, there it is. Yup, it's gonna be a good day.

You haven't had a day like this in a long time. You don't get a whole lot of days off here in Equestria. Even when you don't have to work, being friends with six chaotic, colorful ponies notorious for saving the world and spreading friendship means that your free time tends to get filled with antics that would be fitting for a Saturday morning cartoon. But you've been planning for today for nearly a month. They all know your plans.

Just you, your secret fishing spot in the Everfree Forest, your cider, and beautiful, beautiful tranquility.

They all Pinkie Promised. Twilight isn't going to need you to help with some magical debacle. Rarity isn't going to ask you to model some new bipedal designs she's been working on. Rainbow Dash and Applejack aren't about to ask you to help judge their competitions or something silly like that. Even Pinkie Pie (begrudgingly) agreed to not invite you to any sort of party.

Fluttershy didn't have to make any promises. She doesn't exactly approve of you potentially hurting any fish though, so she got some help from Twilight to design a special type of hook that doesn't actually harm the fish at all. You don't know how it works, probably magic or something, but you also aren't complaining if it gives her peace of mind. You were going to catch and release, anyway, so it's a win-win for everyone. A sweet girl, that Fluttershy.

With the necessities in tow, you make your way across Ponyville. It's very quiet, seeing as the sun has not yet risen. Your boots are already growing damp from the dew collecting on the grass, and the birds are pretty much the only other creatures giving you company. It's a far cry from the usual noisy and chaotic state the town is usually in. It's nice.

Just as you start to see the treeline of the Everfree Forest, you hear the sudden sound of hooves hitting the dirt behind you, approaching rapidly. With a sigh, you turn around, getting a good view of Pinkie Pie literally grinding to a halt just shy of your feet.

"Good morning, Nonny!"

"Uh, hi, Pinkie. No offense, but I thought I asked to be left alone today."

"Technically I only promised to not invite you to a party, but even then I wasn't really planning on interrupting you. Twilight sent me to come get you!"

"Why?"

"Oh, because Ponyville is about to be attacked, silly! A weird watery monster thingy is making its way here right now!"

"...A weird, watery monster thingy?"

"Yup! And Twilight says we could use all the help we can get!"

You consider the circumstances for a moment. As terrifying as that news really should be, this is more or less a weekly occurrence in Ponyville. You sigh before coming to a decision.

"Well, tell Twilight that this is help you can't get. I trust that you guys will be able to handle it. I am going fishing, and nothing else today can stop me from doing that."

"R-really?" Pinkie seems legitimately shocked by your response.

"Really really."

"U-um, okay, I guess I'll go tell her the bad news. Good luck with the fishing, Nonny!"

And with that, she takes off at a blink-and-you'll-miss-it speed. With a single amused chuckle, you turn back around and make your way into the forest.

The Everfree Forest is known for being quite dangerous, but you don't really care. All it takes is a little know-how to navigate the dense trees in a manner that is both safe and efficient. Besides, the whole "dangerous reputation" thing mostly comes from ponies being so adverse to not being in control of nature. Sure, there is the occasional timberwolf or cragadile, but for the most part, it's really not that bad. After a ten-minute hike through the woods, you finally come across your destination.

With trees on all sides, the small pond, perhaps forty feet in diameter, is home to many, many species of fish. Since you're not really from this world, most of the fish you've caught here are completely foreign to you, and it just makes the fun of fishing all the more interesting. Plus, there's just enough space between the treeline and the water for you to set everything up.

Minutes later, with everything in place, you finally cast your line. With a contented sigh, you sit back in your chair, make sure the line is ready to go, and just take it all in. While still early, the sun has finally risen. It might be a bit hot today, but the shade provided by the treeline keeps your special spot a comfortable temperature. You reach down into your cooler, retrieving a cider contained therein.

Just as you're about to take a sip, you hear the leaves of a few trees behind you rustle violently, sending several birds flying away. Your peace suddenly disrupted, you're about to stand up and turn around before the source of the disturbance makes itself known to you. Emerging from above the clearing and flying a few feet above the water is the blue blur herself, Rainbow Dash.

"Anon! What are you doing here?!"

"Fishing. I thought that would be obvious."

"Well, yeah, I can see that! WHY are you fishing?! We need your help!"

"Why? Can't the Elements of Harmony do anything?"

"So you DO know about the monster!"

"Well, yeah. Pinkie already bugged me about it."

"And you STILL chose to come here instead?!"

"I already warned you that I was coming here today no matter what. You guys always want me to help save Equestria or whatever, but at the end of the day, it's always you six that actually do anything about it. And sometimes Spike. I've got enough self-awareness to know that I'm a background character in your story. So today, please just leave me alone."

"You're being really frustrating today, you know that?"

"'Help us' this, 'save Equestria' that. I just want to fish for Celestia's sake!"

"ARGH, FINE! BE THAT WAY!"

And with a whoosh that disturbs the water as well as every plant and animal nearby, she takes to the sky once more, barreling towards Ponyville. On one hand, you understand her frustration. On the other, you have fishing to do. After the water calms back down, you reel the line back in before casting it once more. Hopefully that will be the last distraction today.

Now about three ciders deep, you're almost falling asleep in your chair. You have yet to catch anything, but you're still living the dream.

At least, you are until yet another figure descends from above the pond. Lowing your sunglasses just a bit, you see Twilight Sparkle descending much gentler than Rainbow Dash did. You speak up before she gets a chance to.

"Darn it Twilight, this spot is supposed to be secret! How do you all keep finding it?"

"It's really not that hard to find when you can fly, Anon." Okay, yeah, that's fair. "Anon, we really need your help."

"Tut-tut-tut! You Pinkie Promised to not involve me in some magical crisis."

"To be fair, I legitimately don't know the extent to which this monster is magical."

You sigh.

"Well considering this is the third time you guys have asked and you specifically left the fight to come get me, I'm going to assume it isn't going well?"

"No, no it isn't. The Elements did nothing to it, it doesn't listen to Fluttershy, and it's kind of hard to hurt a creature made of water."

"Then what do you expect ME to do about it?"

"Well, it has a little glowing orb inside of it that we can see through the water. We can only assume that it's tied to the creature's ability to keep itself together. Rainbow Dash did a sonic rainboom to try and shoot through the water and grab it, but no dice."

"Look, I'm sorry, but I still don't know how you would need my help."

"Different perspectives are always nice for situations like this. Plus, we're running out of time. It has almost made it all the way to Ponyville, and we don't know how long we're going to be able to keep this up."

"Hmm..."

"Anon, please. It already did a number on Fluttershy, and I don't want anypony else getting hurt!"

You don't know this, but Twilight is lying through her teeth. Fluttershy is just fine, but she knows how fond of her you are.

Feeling a fire ignite somewhere within you, you finally stand up. Is it because Fluttershy is in danger, or is it because you're really, really tired of these mares interrupting your fishing trip? Either way, you reel the line back in and gather your fishing rod. You know no one else is out here to touch it, but you'll be darned if you're going to take any chances of your beloved fishing rod going missing. Adjusting your fishing hat, you turn to Twilight with a huff.

"Fine. Bring me to it."

Finally giving you a smile, Twilight accompanies you as you make your way back out of the Everfree Forest.

Finally arriving at a clearing maybe a quarter of a mile away from Ponyville, you see Applejack, Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, Rarity, and even Fluttershy doing their best to keep this creature distracted. They weren't lying, it does look like it's made of water. Mostly looking like a blob, it also has several watery, tentacle-like appendages acting as arms, legs, and even a few tails. Several glowing green spots in the water seem to make up its eyes, and whether water is capable of actually being sharp or just looking like it is called into question as you look into its makeshift mouth full of watery fangs. And just like Twilight said, floating about in the center of its see-through mass is a glowing purple orb. It looks like it's almost pulsating. Twilight turns to look at you, fatigue clear on her face now that you're close enough to her to see it.

"Well, there it is. Have any ideas?"

The two of you are standing about fifty feet from the creature, though it is slowly approaching as it shrugs off the assault from your five, exhausted-looking friends.

Hey, wait a minute, Fluttershy doesn't look hurt at all!

Still, you don't really have time to address that right now. You weren't making excuses when you asked Twilight what you could do, because you honestly don't know. You're just a human, after all. A human missing out on his fishing trip right now.

...Wait.

Turning to look at Twilight, you speak with a confidence that you weren't expecting from yourself.

"Think you girls can keep it still for a little bit?"

"We can try! Do you have an idea?"

"Maybe, but I make no promises."

With a nod, Twilight flies towards the creature and fills in your friends on what you just asked of her. They all look at you briefly, each with varying amounts of worry on their face, before turning back to the creature.

Twilight and Rarity do their best to use magic to slow it down. While it puts a lot of strain on them, it does seem to work, at least a little bit. Rainbow Dash and Applejack flank the creature, with the former grabbing onto its watery tail, letting her hooves sink in just a bit and then flying backwards will all of her might, while the latter throws a lasso around a different tail and plants her hooves into the ground. Pinkie starts working her way around the creature, shoving various objects into its watery legs to try to weigh it down, while Fluttershy boldly flies right in front of the creature's "face" in an attempt to intimidate it with a Stare™. Their efforts work, as the beast has nearly come to a complete stop.

Well, here goes nothing.

You run up to the creature, fishing rod still in hand. You set out today to do one thing and one thing alone, and that's to fish. You aren't going to let some water monster ruin that.

With a bold hop into the air, you rear your arms back before letting go of the line on your fishing rod, allowing you to cast your hook right into the center of the creature's upwards-facing back. Your friends look at you with complete confusion, but they aren't really in a position to argue. Focusing intently on the position of the hook, you watch as it slowly sinks deeper and deeper into the creature's body.

Thaaaat's it... just a liiiiiitle more...

...

Gotcha!

In a quick movement, you yank the rod back and begin reeling. The creature lets out a terrible cry as you watch the newly hooked orb get slowly pulled through its body. Your friends look in shock and wonder as the creature starts struggling. As the orb moves closer and closer to the edge of its body, it begins losing strength. The tips of its appendages begin to lose their form, turning into regular water that splashes harmlessly against the ground.

Fluttershy moves out of the way as you give the rod one last pull. With a loud popping sound, the orb is freed from its watery containment. As soon as it leaves the beast's body, the creature falls apart. Its green eyes disappear entirely, and in an instant, all of the water seems to go back to normal as it all splashes onto the ground. Where once there was a creature, there is now a harmless puddle.

Reeling the orb in a bit more, you watch as it vanishes entirely from the hook, slowly fading out of existence. Magic is weird.

Your friends all take a moment to catch their breath before they let out a cheer. Twilight, after noticing that the orb disappeared, seems to just be happy that the threat has been dealt with. Seeing that you're unscathed, she turns to check on everypony else. While they aren't completely unharmed, having sustained a few scrapes and bruises (And it messed up Rarity's mane! Celestia forbid!), they are fine for the most part. They all gather together, excitedly discussing what just went down.

"Did you SEE how awesome I was?! That thing's tail didn't do a thing to me!" Dash is awfully proud of herself, as usual.

"If you say so, darling. I think Twilight did most of the work."

"Come on, girls, it was a team effort! Besides, it was Anon that really saved the day. Seriously Anon, thank you so much for-"

Twilight and the other mares turn to look at you, but you had already left, fishing rod in tow. You can celebrate later. You have fishing to do!

At this point, it's late in the afternoon. You haven't caught a darn thing in this pond today, but that's alright. After returning to your spot, you found peace and tranquility overtake you once more. In spite of the interruptions, it turned out to be a pretty good day after all. Besides, you certainly didn't expect fishing to be the solution to the monster of the week problem.

You reach down for what would be your fifth cider today. Only one more left after this one.

As you turn back towards the pond, you nearly jump out of your chair as you see somepony gently flying above the water for the third time today. You almost sigh to yourself before stopping. It's Fluttershy, so gentle and quiet that she approached without you even noticing.

"Um, hello, Anon."

"Hi, Flutters. What's going on? Did the monster come back?"

"N-no, you took care of it pretty well, I think."

"Alright, then why are you here? You-" You were about to say that she Pinkie Promised not to bother you, but you forgot that she was the exception to that. "I wasn't expecting you."

"Well, I just wanted to say 'thank you' for earlier. Twilight told me that you were worried about me."

"Getting wild creatures to calm down is sort of your thing. After she said you had gotten hurt, how could I not be worried?" You let out an annoyed huff. "Even if she was lying..."

"But you gave up your fishing trip for that! I would never ask that of you!"

"Look, I love fishing. Obviously I do. But I wouldn't have refused to show up if I thought you all couldn't handle it. I am willing to stop fishing if it means saving you from getting hurt, after all. You mean a lot to me."

A blush makes its way to her cheeks. It's perhaps the cutest thing you've ever seen.

She gently flies towards you, taking a seat on the ground next to your chair.

"Well, thank you again." You turn to her and smile, not really knowing what to say. "So, this is fishing, huh?"

"Yup, this is fishing. There might be a bit more to it, especially if I actually get a bite, but this is the gist of it."

"I've, um, never been fishing. I don't want to see the fishies get hurt. O-oh, but I'm not accusing you or anything!"

"Haha, I know, that's why you had Twilight make this hook for me, right? Guilt-free fishing."

"Hehe, yes, I suppose so."

"...Would you like to join me?"

"O-oh, I wouldn't want to impose. This is your secret spot, after all!"

"Considering you're the third mare today to find it, I don't think it's that secret any more."

"W-well, if you're offering..."

With a smirk, you remove your fishing hat and plop it onto her head. It's a bit big for her, but that just makes it all the more adorable. Over the next few minutes, you teach her how to cast, how to reel, and everything in-between. After a while, she's the one sitting in your chair keeping an eye on the line. She seems excited, giving her an energy that doesn't typically come from someone trying to fish. You can't help but chuckle at the sight.

"Just try to relax, Flutters. That's the whole idea, after all."

"U-um, I'll try. It just seems so... new and exciting!"

You reach down into your cooler, grabbing the last cider and handing it to her. She looks at you, confused.

"Not a fishing trip without any cider."

She gingerly takes the drink from you, a sheepish smile on her face. Returning the smile, you take a seat on the ground next to her.

Maybe having someone else along isn't so bad.

Man, she is ~~better than you~~ really good at fishing.

Author's Note

The mares and I have entered an uneasy alliance against fish.

As always, I appreciate any and all feedback!