How Luna Adopted a Hatchling (Against Her Will)

by Hokusai3211

Rating: teen
Tags: Comedy, Adventure, Discord, Princess Celestia, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Princess Luna
Length: 101312

After Luna's disastrous diplomatic excursion to the Griffon Empire nearly starts a war and exposes uncomfortable truths about the antiquated mare. Celestia and her royal advisor are forced to use drastic and rather fluffy measures to save Canterlot.

“After a thousand years, it’s now considered “poor form” to be weary of one’s enemies? How embarrassing that we should placate these Griffons. We fought wars against them did we not? Does nopony remember that? Fields above, this country had fallen to the dogs!” ~ Princess Luna.

Princess Celestia is in trouble. Her little sister has returned, and with that she has brought her antiquated views of a thousand years long past along with her. Whilst some of them are excusable, some things have to change, like her blatant hatred for a certain avian species. Especially after her diplomatic mission which has gone so poorly that it threatens war in the best-case scenario. 

With the help of her Public Relations advisor, the daughter of a famous clown, and the unwanted assistance of the Prince of Chaos, the royal family must do something utterly drastic in order to save Equestria. 

All of their fates rest on an out-of-touch Alicorn of the moon and a young hatchling Lioness fresh out of the egg, with a propensity to maul faces at the drop of the hat… It does not look good. 

Special thanks to Living Madness for allowing me to use their concept.

Published 2023-05-11 00:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2024-02-19 21:55:28 UTC

The Announcement

The speech had begun like Celestia knew it would, with a lot of silent yelling. This might have sounded like an oxymoron to most. But when one addressed a crowd for nearly a thousand years. One understood how to read faces and especially eyes, and nearly four thousand of them stared at Celestia politely, but with that inpatients one holds for old mares who pay exorbitant fees at a bank with penny’s, all the while holding the line of ponies behind them hostage with small talk about their grandsons.

But none of them wanted to be the first one to yell it out, it was strange how any individual thrown into a crowd lost all individuality at all. The fear of being publicly judged was more dreadful than anything else in the world. How do you think creatures of all species were convinced to go to war after all? Nothing was worse than being passive-aggressively shushing and to see others shaking their heads disapprovingly. It was why librarians were the most powerful apex predators in the universe. Able to shame a fully grown stallion into obedience with just a purse of their lips.

Everyone was here, they all knew something big was going to be announced even if it had not been specified. Nobles, partitions, county representatives, then there were the reporters, photographers, editorialists, and most importantly of all the average mare and stallion, the lifeblood of her country and the ones she needed most to get on her side.

She was an expert at reading crowds and this one was like a stack of dynamite inside a straw hut next to a twitching stallion with a propensity to chain smoke. She wasn’t sure how much of Luna's disastrous trip had reached the city already in the last three days. But no doubt enough of them had heard rumors, enough that if she said the wrong thing, if she gave off the wrong vibe, that twitching cigarette might slip onto the fuse prematurely. She was fine with an explosion so long as she was the one setting it off.

That was why she had decided to cool things down for the moment, by employing her favourite strategy when she thought a crowd was getting a little too restless. Proposing mild tax increases.

“And that my fellow ponies is why I believe that a small tax increase of about one point four percent annually will go a long way to rebuilding a brighter tomorrow, after all the roads of our fair country are the veins of commerce and should not impede commerce and-” blah-blah-blah, Celestia’s mouth was on autopilot. She idly stared at the gathered crowd from her stage, watching as the reporters, nobles and other ponies across the courtyard sagged collectively.

Quills that had been eager for the latest gossip were slumped against scrolls as their owner fought to keep awake. One Pegasus had somehow managed to start snoring whilst he was still hovering off the ground.

Finally, like a maestro addressing her quartet, when the muttering and sagging had reached its lowest ebb, she let her mind kick back into gear again and took on a solemn tone.

“Finally, my fellow ponies, if you will indulge me for a moment, I have one last point in which to address.” She said, her voice rising slightly now, she could see some of the ponies at the front began to sit up slightly straighter, the pegasus who had been snoring startled himself awake and flashed a photo before his partner drew him down and whispered harshly into his ear.

“Some of you might have already heard about some unpleasantness that went on during my dear sweet sisters” - my pain in the flank little snot-nosed brat of a sister- “latest diplomatic,” -catastrophe- “mission to Griffonstone.” Celestia said, making sure to sweep the crowd with her gaze.

She heard ponies muttering then, mostly confusion, and a few startled harrumphs from the stands in which the nobles were seated. But she noticed others, particularly in the back, were looking on with interest. Yes, it seemed news had already made its way here, fields above she hoped this worked. “Whilst I know you are all aware that my sister is a loving and giving person, there are in fact some rumours that she might have a problem with her more antiquated view of things.” Antiquated was saying something, some of her views could have been dusted off with a brush and displayed at a museum.

Another bout of mutterings followed louder than before. “Yes, it comes as no surprise that some of her more unusual eccentricities might have been noticed while she visited the capital of our allies and dearest friends of the Griffon Empire.” She hoped that wasn’t an anachronistic statement already.

“I am saddened to say that this is all… true.'' A huge bout of muttering followed that statement, already some of the over-eager press flung questions at Celestia like arrows. She wasn’t perturbed though, in fact, she had to admit she always enjoyed this part, not the topic, she really wished she didn’t have to give this speech. But the feeling, that feeling of being on a knife edge, knowing it could all go wrong with just one wrong inflection of a word, too long on a single sentence and it was over.

Speeches were an art form and she prided herself in being a master of her craft.

“Yes, I was deeply troubled to learn of my sister's behavior at the capital, her less-than-exemplary manner was unbecoming of our station and it deeply shamed both herself and the ponies of this great land.”

The muttering rose to a fever pitch now, confusion in most, downright disbelief in others, though she noticed that some of the nobles were sharing knowing glances. They knew all too well her sister's brash nature. After all, it was no secret her sister regarded the nobility, in the same way, others regard manure discovered on the bottom of their horseshoe.

This was fine though, she could work with this. “But my dear ponies, though this is not something I would ever condone, I must admit… I sympathise with my sister.”

The collective gasp from those that knew was almost intoxicating, Celestia never had so much trouble keeping her face as solemn as she had then. The reporters were already near frothing at the mouth. Questions did not so much fly at her now as they were fired out with a blunderbuss.

She lifted up her hoof for silence once more, “Yes, I sympathise with her, not her actions, not her words, but at the stress of her burden, she was after all not herself.” She fought to keep her lips straight even so there was a small uptick, damn it all if she did not love this part of her job, dropping the proverbial bomb as it was. “After all, which of you does not understand the burdens of being a parent, of being… a new mother.”

Silence then, total and utter silence. Now Celestia did what she did best, she plastered on a patient, charming, and holy innocent smile and watched as the proverbial cigarette dropped onto a hypothetical kerosene trail and the whole crowd metaphorically exploded.

Elsewhere in the castle…

Princess Luna’s morning started like most ponies’ mornings, staring blankly into a cup of black coffee, waiting for the blasted thing to cool enough so she could guzzle it down in one go, all the while wondering if she should just call in sick for work.

The only problem with that was that she only had one other co-worker. One who worked in the same home as her and Luna had already used up her sick leave for the next thousand years.

She was not by nature a morning person, but not for the reason some ponies thought she was. Some pony's assumed that as the princess of the night, she would be nocturnal, a princess of the moon rose with her charge, right? But of course that was silly, if that was the case, how would she work her dream magic? Would she be asleep by day and in a transient magically engulfed state of mind by night? How would she ever eat or bathe if she was effectively asleep both day and night?

How would she have any real relationship with her sister or anypony at all for that matter? Who would wait until three am to come to court? No, Luna was, like most other ponies, diurnal. She woke with her sister's sun and did her job in seclusion as she liked best. Then, at night, she worked the dreamscape in her own lucid sleep. Scouring her charges dreams and searching for negative emotions, and traumas. Such was her way.

Though to add some credence to the rumour, she did in fact sleep later than her sister. Having to raise the moon and meticulously redesign the sky by night meant she was up at least four hours longer than her older sibling. That made mornings rather difficult by default.

She slept little compared to the average pony, but she didn't mind, she was an artist, and this was her passion. She spent her mornings planning the new constellation out on paper. She knew her purpose, the moon and stars were her children and a caring mother she was to them, devoting half her time to them thanklessly and the other half to the ponies underneath them. Leaving none for herself.

Despite this however, she had no wish to change her life as it was now, she saw her beloved sister every day once more, she had a purpose once again and she had her life back, free from misguided bitterness and hatred, everything was perfect.

Well…almost perfect anyway. She had been gone for nearly a thousand years now, and annoyingly things like ‘progress and change’ hadn’t waited for her to come back, in fact, it seemed like they had kicked open the door and threw all she knew out the window the moment she landed on the moon.

It was hard enough learning the history of a thousand years gone by, let alone the social changes. Then there was that blasted new-fangled thing they called technology. Tinkering with metal in ways that pony kind should have left well alone.

Her eyes drew subconsciously towards the box with the hole in it, the one that had been called an “electric quill sharpener” and narrowed them with a look of deep suspicion. Its voracious metal maw had already devoured three of her favourite sketching quills without mercy. She had tried to rescue them, but its avarice would not be sated, her quills never stood a chance. But, it would be a cold day in Tartarus if it thought she would give it her fourth.

They called things like that progress, but she remembered what her grandfather had warned about progress. ‘Progress just means bad things happen faster and you bloody well outrun it before it bites your tail off.’

She understood the meaning all too well these days, even though she had to admit, he was never very good with sayings unless they were “charge for glory and death!” or “fight me you coward son of a donkey!” Oh, how she missed him dearly. They didn’t make stallions like him anymore.

Yes, some things stayed very much the same, things like her sister's free-loving peaceful ways that made her want to gag. The castle itself also hadn’t changed much either; even her room had been practically untouched, her sister had found it too hard to go in there, and the guilt of that still stung at Luna now.

Oh and also the whispers, those damned whispers had never left.

Not those of her other half, her bitter side, the Nightmare. No, it was the whispers of her charges, the whispers ponies made behind her back, the gossip, the nicknames. It had been a thousand years, yet already they had caught up to her, but now in a new fashion.

This time, instead of hearing these slights from the noble class, worms that they were. These whispers had been boldly printed out and put into something they called a newspaper.

One of them just the other day had called her ‘The Princess of Snoozing,’ another had read ‘The One Who Guards Us Behind Her Blanket,’ and of course the classic, ‘The Sleeping Beauty.’

Gossip columns, that is what Silver Tongue said they were called, wretched rags was her preferred term. Some of them she would have called straight-up treasonous. One of them dared to accuse her rump of being too big!

How dare it, her rump was made of steel, she had trained daily with her squires just last… thought after reading it she had idle and only because she wanted to herself, glanced back at herself then made a mental note to trot down to the training yard later that day.

She also made a mental note to have words with these so-called journalists, preferably right next to a large pit filled with snakes. If she could just get her sister to sign off on that idea somehow…

The first one on that last big list would be the very worst of these papers. The one they all seemed to hold in high regard, The Canterlot Express.

Her gaze fell upon the paper right in front of her, which read ‘Should We Be Governed by Bigots?’ The picture that accompanied was of her on stage at that stupid ceremony just a few days ago in that barren desert they called Griffonstone.

The words bigoted, speciesist, and separatist were used liberally in the article. She had had to look up what that had meant in the dictionary, they were new-fangled words, invented in the last one thousand years, and frankly, she was utterly shocked by their use.

Not by the meaning, no the meaning was fine, she had no problem with that. But what utterly shocked her was the negative connotation they seemed to convey. It seemed to denote that they were “bad words” and “bad things to be.” Apparently, in the last thousand years she was gone, it was now seen as "poor form" to be wary of one's enemies.

When in Tartarus’s name had this happened?!

She had been staring down at the article all morning, unable to make sense of it. It was like finishing a puzzle only to find out the picture wasn’t the same one on the box. It made no sense at all.

Surely it was no secret, the griffons had been fighting her people for hundreds of years, thousands even, they had been a war-hungry, barbarous species. Her grandfather, father and even herself, had had to fight hoof and horn in bitter, bloody wars for the sovereignty of her kind. Had every pony simply forgotten this?

Had they forgotten the sacrifice of their ancestors so that they were free to make up these stupid rags? So they could make up these stupid names to sully the fallen patriots that littered the fields of battle? Did they know what it felt like to stare at a light hawk brigade plunging down from the sky? With talons raised to gouge out your throat. Let them see that and then let’s see who calls who a bigot!

She slowly shook her head, sometimes it seemed as though she had still not quite awoken from the nightmare. Bad enough they could move freely in her lands, free to spy on her government, but worse that she had to suffer the indignity of ‘playing nice’ with those people in their quagmire of a country.

Suffering through their prattle, ears ringing with their harsh sounding made-up words and sat with their ‘iron willed’ Emperor. The only iron she had seen was in his spoon he held at dinner and even then he had needed help lifting to his beak.

But her sister had begged her and she was devoted to her family and her people. So she played nice, all the while her teeth clenched and her stomach turned, but she had done it, hadn’t she?

Now they had dared to call her a separatist, to insinuate that she had not been pleasant enough, what did these rags want from her, was she supposed to kiss their filthy paws?

How frankly embarrassing, that she would have to placate ponykind’s most bitter enemy. Her of all ponies, who had lost so much to those rodent chasers, who had lost her-

Luna let out a startled gasp as hot liquid coating her hooves, glancing down she noticed the remnants of her white coffee mug now in pieces against her desk. She realised she crushed it in her anger, black liquid seeped over the aligned papers on her desk and onto the floor.

She gave a tired sigh. Oh, it was going to be this type of morning it seemed. She rose from her seating pillow to find one of her servants to clean it up. She had not gotten a few hooves away from her desk however when she stopped, as something odd caught her attention.

It wasn’t a thing per say, nothing jumped out at her, Nothing moved beyond her peripheral, no shadows shifted across the wall. In fact, it was that distinct lack of movement to the room that caught her attention. That heightened understanding of stillness and quietness was not something a normal pony would have noticed. But a ruler of a disaster-prone country developed the habit of spotting the one pony standing still in a moving crowd, the one staring at you and you alone, holding a knife behind his back, or worse yet, a document to sign.

Luna's brow crinkled, yes her room was far too quiet, she flashed her gaze around it, but could not see anything out of the ordinary. The curtains had no hooves sticking out from under them. The lampshades did not mysteriously sprout hair and sneeze suspiciously when you walked past them and there was no pony under the bed, she had made sure of that moons ago when she commanded the legs to be removed, she was not going to fall for that old gag again. Her assassins would have to try harder than that… assuming she still had assassins, sadly she probably didn’t.

It said much about the state of a country when a monarch did not have to worry about assassins, fields this country was falling to the dogs.

Then suddenly she heard a scratching sound. Her ears flicked in that direction at once towards the sound at the corner of her room. Across from her towards the walk-in wardrobe, a noise perforated through the two dark blue doors.

She stayed there poised to strike, but all she could hear then was silence. Then after she almost convinced herself it was nothing, the sound came again, this time louder than the first. Followed by another unusual sound, this time between a grunt and a moan. It wasn't something a stallion could make, nor a mare, it was too soft, too quiet, it was too...

Too cute?

Luna, her spilled coffee now forgotten, trotted towards the closet, her mind entirely focused on what the sound was. Clearing the distance to the doors, she leaned forwards against one of the frames and pressed an ear against the wood listening intently. A flicker of hope burned in her chest.

After all, sun and moon be praised, it could still have been an assassin?

When no sounds of blades being unsheathed came from the closet, she finally lit her horn and opened the doors, only to be greeted by another altogether unusual sound.

This one was unmistakable. It was the sound of a high-pitched giggle. Luna recognises it at once, it was a giggle only a foal could make.

Luna's eyes almost bulged out of her sockets. There was a foal in her closet!

"What in the fields above?" She mutters to herself.

The thoughts of how, what, where, and why, sprang instantly to her mind all at once. How did somepony sneak an infant into her room, what was it doing here of all places, where did it come from?

And more importantly, why her?

Not that she was as disturbed by that last part. It was no secret she loved foals. They never whispered behind her back or talked endlessly of taxes, they were candid, demanding, and sometimes rather brutally honest too. Traits she admired in a pony. She was many of those things herself after all.

Though on the subject of foals, it had to be said she was quite frankly shocked by their lack of education, the fact that a foal could reach the age of ten these days without even picking up a spear was frankly cruelty in her eyes

But at that moment the idea of why she was in her undergarments was more insidious.

Lighting her horn, the doors of her wardrobe opened softly, Luna peered into it scanning the pitch-black room.

A dark sky-blue dress flickered outwards catching Luna's eye, pulled off the rack the dress crumpled over a tiny bassinet obscuring her view of the foal inside. It seems that the possible infant had pulled it down on itself as it played with the hem. She could assume that by the small bumps coming from the dress as the foal pushed up from underneath it.

Briefly, she questioned whether or not it could have been one of those ‘bring your progeny to work days.’ There would have to be questions raised about boundaries in the not-too-distant future.

She moved softly so as not to startle the infant. Luna decided against magic and spoke softly, "There, there little one, tis okay, we are here now." Luna whispered in a cooing fashion.

The laughter stopped and soon enough there was something like a whimper. Luna chuckled softly, a warm smile on her face. “I understand we would be upset as well if we woke up in someone’s undergarments,” Slowly she peeled back her crumpled dress only to feel the resistance of the foal who was still clinging to it, apparently unwilling to give up its new expensive blanket.

"Ahh tis a strong little one indeed!" Luna joked as she teased the blanket away playfully, “A fine warrior you will be little one, but we require our clothing back, or Ms. Rarity will not be too happy.” Luna cooed as she tugged again gently, “If you relinquish this to me little one, I know a my first disemboweling spear that would be just right for you to play-,” she stopped mid-sentence as a ripping sound echoed through the wardrobe, then a playful squawk, then she caught sight of tiny claws appeared through the fabric.

Luna flinched backwards at the sight, ripping the light fabric away from the infant's clutches in the process. The shock and force of it caused the thing inside to begin crying all at once, the sound echoing through the chambers.

But by then, Luna could barely hear it now, as she stared at the creature in her basket. Trying with all her might not to scream.

In a stunned daze, she backed away from the basket, colliding with the doorframe in her haste to move away as fast as possible all the while her gaze was fixed on the flailing infant. Its razor-sharp paws and claws scratched at the air as it wailed.

Her breath became quick and rapid, her mind retreating as memory flooded and took their place. She felt the phantom touch of the claw against her throat, felt those eyes staring death into hers, felt the pain as the blade cut across her cheek.

A shudder went through her very soul as her hoof flailed for the doors of the Wardrobe finally slamming them shut.

She stood there room blurring then lifted up a hoof, and promptly smacked herself across the muzzle. It seemed to work, the muddy field in her mind's eye was replaced with the palace once more. Torn and burning tents returned to cotton and feather-down bedding and the wailing of soldiers turned back to the wailing of an infant.

Though that latter one was not much better.

A figure burst into her room. Luna turned, watching it stumble on the edge of a carpet, despite one not being there before, watched as she slid across the room on it then promptly spun into the air and onto its muzzle. The sounds of a squeaking like a rubber ball being squeezed echoed through the chamber in place of a thud. Luna stared at the figure, at the mare with lipstick smeared into a jester's smile and, a maid's skirt up ended over her head revealing a cutie mark of a smiling and frowning mask stuck together.

The maid got up frantically, her eyes widened almost impossibly big as she locked eyes with Lunas, “oh uncle’s going to kill me.” she muttered in a high pitch whine. Luna recognised her instantly, it was one of her dear sisters' maids.

Luna's left eye twitched as blind rage tapped fear on the shoulder and told it to take a hike for a while. Seeing red she turned on the spot and stormed toward her balcony doors, nearly ripping them off their hinges as she stormed onto the veranda. There was only one pony that would dare have the audacity to do this to her.

The cool air did little to stem the inferno in her body, she knew in her heart that this had only one response.

She felt her royal voice form in her throat as she bellowed out the castle window.

It took several minutes to quiet down the crowd, Celestia stood there patiently, she had to admit to herself she was perhaps enjoying this a little too much.

When you reached your second millennia of age, you had to get your kicks where you could. After all, she had done almost everything else. But for some reason, shocking and pranking ponies still tickled her pink. It was one of her few little vices, besides stuffing her face with sugar.

This one though, the reaction to a thousand ponies all collectively picking up their jaws from the floor simultaneously, she had to admit, this was going to be hard to top.

Still, the questions flew at her, rabid for more information.

“How long has the princess been pregnant?”

“Who’s the father?”

“When were you planning to make this public?”.

“Has this been a royal cover-up, the people have a right to know?”

“Is the tax increase going to fix my potholes?”

But like all things, the high came too quickly and left too fast. Celestia finally raised her hoof to the sky and the crowd slowly began to settle once more. “My fellow ponies, I understand that this has been as much of a shock to you as it was to me when my sister came home with my new niece.”

After another bout of questions, Celestia calmly spoke over them. “As you all know, my sister has been lost to us for nearly a thousand years.” She left a dramatic pause, this one was genuine, “in which she spent on the moon alone, absence makes the heart grow fonder and over those years she had felt an ache not simply to be back home but to have what she thought she might never have, a family to call her own, an heir.”

She stared meaningfully into the crowd, “Being a member of the royal family means sacrificing our personal lives for duty. We do not bemoan this, we are proud to serve, nay, honoured to serve. But despite it all, we are still ponies at heart, we want what everypony would want, safety, happiness, love and family, though not all of us have the time for this.”

Unless you’re Cadence, she thought,which reminded her she really needed to start pushing the paperwork downstream a little. “The heart wants what it wants,” she said, reiterating something she had seen on the back of a postcard, “she had confided in me that she had been planning this for a long time, though it was still I will admit a happy shock to see it done so quickly.” She mentally thanked Silver Tongue for that assistance, for a stallion of his size he sure moved quickly or at least employed people who could.

More questions followed, but now most of them were simply listening, enraptured by the little insight into the ruler's lives not many knew of. Even if it was mostly fiction, Celestia glanced down at the speech, this would determine everything, not simply her life for the next one hundred years. But all the lives of everyone she knew. If this worked she would spare not simply one country but two from a disastrous fate.

“In her travels, she met many griffons, some royal, some simple folk, a lion working at a lumber mill, a mare who operated the clouds in conjunction with Couldsdale. All of them had left an impact on her. But none had as much as one single young cub bereft of a mother and a father tragically lost to her.” She let that pause simmer for a moment.

“This cub, living in an orphanage had nothing in her life save the kindness of strangers caring for her,” a pang of sympathy shot through her at that moment, she knew what it meant to be orphaned, but at least she had her sister, speaking of.

“To lose a loved one is no easy thing to bear, but to be so young, to have only just come into the world and have that which binds you to it, what brought you into it taken. That is the story that my sister heard, that is the story that fermented in her heart that the time to start a family was here and now. My sister is not a mare to let something like this pass her by.”

“Princess Luna, my sister is perhaps too brash at times, I am sure that some of you know this.” Once more she could see the nobles and some of the Royal guards sharing knowing glances. “Perhaps, this is not enough of an excuse for her actions in Griffonstone, but please if you do not forgive her for what you might have heard, then at least understand her plight. After all, adopting a young foal is hard enough,” She paused then allowed herself a genuine giggle, “Well in fact that is the incorrect term as my sister has in fact adopted a hatchling.” Silently out of the corner of her mouth, she muttered, “against her will.”

Several hundreds of mouths sucked in a breath at the same time, reporters' quills broke against scrolls and in the noble stands, there was a tinkering of glass as several monocles fell into brandy glasses.

Celestia's smile was serene, but inside she was rolling on the floor in a fit of laughter, “I understand the confusion my little ponies, I too was stunned, when I heard the news myself.” Stunned into a murderous rage, by sisters' actions, more accurately but stunned nonetheless.

“But I have spoken for far too long,” She added quickly before more questions could be asked, any one of which could bring down this house of cards before she had even built the base, “I am sure you are all eager to see your newest princess, my sister has graciously allowed me to bring here hear today, though I ask you all to please keep your voice down she is still only young after all.” She said looking back towards the curtains of the stage.

A guard behind her saluted and pulled back the curtains, all eyes fell upon a small table on which stood a basket, not unlike one might use to pick apples. Inside the bundle, there was a blanket drawn over the top covering the opening.

Celestia's brow raised slightly as she stared at it. Perhaps at that moment, she should have noticed something was wrong, for instance, Silver Tongue's niece should have been with the basket for a start. But she was nowhere to be seen. What’s more, the blanket was still over the basket and a neat bow had been fixed on it, like it was a gift box.

Celestia fought back an uneasy smile as she glanced back towards the crowd, “it seems my little niece is shy.” She joked, there was general laughter from the crowd. “If you would bring her to me please.” She said, indicating from the Dias to the guard who had pulled back the curtain, he saluted and moved over towards the basket.

There were the sounds of thousand necks craning upwards to see, followed by some of the more desperate ones flapping their wings, even some of the guards, the less subtle ones were staring at the corner of their eyes.

The guard in question moved towards the basket and lifted the blanket up. Then after a moment, to everyone’s surprise, Celestia’s most of all, instead of taking the basket to her, he put the blanket back down over it and marched back towards her.

The crowd began to mutter as Celestia lent down, extending an ear towards him. The stallion, usually a stern man by nature, leaned in and in a cracked voice said, “Um, She’s not their princess, in fact, there’s just a… cake.”

Celestia furrowed her brow, looked back at the basket, then back at the crowd all of whom had gone deadly quiet, “Nothing to worry about everyone, I’ll only be a moment, she’s playing hide and seek it seems.”

Celestia did her best not to run as she made her way to the basket, she tried her best to block the view with her body as she lit her horn and moved the blanket away. Instead of her niece, there was indeed a cake, with pink frosted writing that said Congratulations on the new baby Lulu.

Celestia didn’t have time to feel fear, didn’t have time to feel panic. Because in that nanosecond before the world around her exploded. She had just enough time to look upwards and remember in that instant that she was not the only immortal being out there that enjoyed getting a rise out of others. Then, after that nanosecond had passed, a voice of pure vengeance punctured the sky, loud enough to somehow shake the very clouds themselves.

“SISTER GET THINE ENORMOUS BEHIND OVER HERE, NOW!”

It seemed despite their best efforts, Luna had already met her new daughter.

A Little Family Squabble (Part One.)

It was safe to say, Golden had not been so scared in all her twenty-five years of life. Not even after the great circus fire that had her permanently banned from the clown guild. One that she had absolutely nothing to do with and Rosey Cheeks was lying through her fat muzzle if any pony said otherwise.

But at least in that instance, she had not upset an ancient and powerful monarch. Well… At least not in her own bed chambers, as far as she could remember anyway.

The last ten minutes had been a blur, she hadn’t remembered running into the closet or barring the door with an unusual array of battle axes, cannons, and a battering ram. All of which were inexplicably inside Princess Luna’s closet, next to her disused gala dresses.

But there was no time to contemplate that. As she huddled deeper into the walk-in wardrobe. Because even now she could hear the cracking and thudding of flying furniture outside. All of it swirling about in a magical maelstrom caused by one Alicron who was having something of a bad morning. She winced as what sounded like a makeup table smashed into a wall, praying that the wardrobe doors would hold.

It took Golden what courage she could still muster up at that moment to gaze through the slit in the doors. When she pressed her eye to the slit, she felt a chill in her bones, cutting through her body like a frozen gust in the depth of winter night. Despite the gentle rays of the early morning sun, it had grown darker somehow in the room, all light was being absorbed into a black mass in the shape of an Alicorn.

Working with the princesses every day, one might be forgiven for forgetting just how powerful they were; The fact that the sun and moon were theirs to control notwithstanding. Not only were they some of the most powerful magical users in all of creation. But for whatever reason, if that all failed they still had the natural strength to arm wrestle a dragon, oh, and a foot-and-a-half-long spear in the shape of a horn, conveniently attached to their heads.

To make matters just that little bit worse, below Golden another princess was giving out in her own way, tail, and talons outstretched as she cried. “Shh,'' Golden shakily cooed towards the wailing little griffon in her forelegs who ignored her. Golden couldn’t blame her, she wouldn’t have minded doing the same thing right now.

Then suddenly, the sounds of breaking furniture ceased. Moments passed in silence which Golden took as a good sign, perhaps the princess had finally calmed down? Well, that, or she had run out of things in her room to break. Golden had a sudden and worrying feeling in that moment that the only thing left that qualified for that in the room was her.

She glanced once more through the slit and almost wished very much that she hadn’t. The princess wasn’t there anymore. The room was empty, the cacophonous crashing replaced by an eerie silence. It felt at that moment like one of those horror novels, in which she would only have to blink and one of the Princess's eyes would be staring right back at her from the other side of the door.

In moments like this, which happened more often than she would have liked, she often wondered if all this was worth it, fighting against her cutie mark like this. Say what you like about clowns, preferably at a safe distance from a custard pie. But they never had this kind of danger.

Before she had started, her uncle had told her that the most notorious incident that had swept through the castle, was when one maid had blasphemy put a salad fork in with the fruit forks. That scandal had been the worst event for almost a year, and then she had shown up.

Now she was facing danger every time she was put on the frilly dress and bonnet. Compared to right now she would almost take being a clown again, almost. Having a bucket of water land on your head or being fired out of a cannon didn’t sound so bad compared to an ancient Alicorn's wrath.

Golden reached for the doorknob, all the while the little lioness squirmed in her hooves. She gave a gentle push with her hooves to open the door a crack, but she needn't have bothered. The gilded door gave one long loud groan, like the death wail of a woolly mammoth and collapsed with a loud bang onto the floor. She winced, waiting for… well, something bad to happen. But nothing in the room moved. She gave a grateful sigh of relief, perhaps the princess had left. Finally some good luc-

“You…jester, a word.” The voice behind her was otherworldly. Calm, but with a weight of danger to it. Golden felt a primal fear then, one that her ancestors might have felt when they first lit a fire in the cave, only to realise they were not the only ones who occupied it. But were the only ones that didn’t eat meat.

Golden spun round, “Oh, h-hello Princess, didn’t s-see you there, I was j-just, you know…cleaning.” She said to the towering princess.

“Tis an interesting feather duster you have?” Princess Luna said slowly, eyes glowing in a blaze of dark blue magic. What Golden could make of her pupils were glancing down at the hatchling in Golden's hooves.

Oddly enough the hatchling had stopped her cry somewhere in the exchange. Instead, she was now watching the larger princess intensely, her small prehensile tail flicking from side to side like a cat spotting its next potential snack.

To her credit, Golden didn’t break eye contact and run. Instead, she broke out a fake and uneasy grin instead. “W-well it’s a little louder than a normal duster, b-but you have to admit the wings certainly hel-“

“Silence!” The princess snapped suddenly, Golden did her best impression of a plank of wood, fighting her foreleg not to snap to a salute, a reptilian brain response to a natural commander barking orders. The princess watched her for a moment, then her voice grew softer again, but no less menacing for that reason, “Who put you up to this?”

“Up to what princess?” Her brain had decided to play the fool. It was the role she was born for after all and the only defence mechanism. That tactic had been used all across the history of jesters and clowns. Her great-great-great grand uncle had often been asked by the court to deliver bad news to the Count of Briddleton. He had been rather successful at it, right up until one day when he had accidentally and unfortunately woken up to find himself staring down a hooded figure, a choppy block, and a particularly sharp axe.

“Was it my sister?” The princess demanded, moving closer. “Her sick idea to prank me?” The growl that followed made Golden’s fur stand on the back of her neck, “or was it that fool Discord.” She spat the latter name like a snake might have spat venom, “or perhaps it was all of you servants, mocking me from my behind?”

Golden gulped, “I-I’ve never once made fun of your behind princess, I-I barely even look, I swear!”

The princess of the night continued her advance with the swagger of a jungle cat that knew its prey had nowhere to go, “Do you think that this is some sort of a jest? Do you think that because I am the younger sister, because I do not know the modern world, that I am fair game as they say?” Golden felt her flank hit the wall, she pressed up against it all the while the Griffon wriggled in her grasp to get free, at that moment Golden didn’t blame her for that either.

“I-I don’t play games princess, I had to give that up with the red nose years ago.” Oh why did her brain have to be witty now, why couldn’t she just grovel like the rest of the maids?

Princess Luna's shadow engulfed the pair of them, “You know, there was a time that being a princess meant having your subjects show you some respect. Our grandfather was partial to the carrot and stick method, particularly the stick.” She spoke the last part slowly and with deliberate emphasis, there was a flash then and Golden could swear she saw her pupils become almost reptilian slits. “It was one of the few things we disagreed on. But now, perhaps I think maybe he had the right idea.” Golden’s gulp was audible, “Perhaps we could give you a demonstration?”

Golden opened her mouth to disagree but felt her lips were unable to move from sheer terror.

“Yes,” the princess continued, “we think so, perhaps with a pit, filled with snakes. How does that sou-oof!”

There was a thud then, not a heavy or particularly loud one, it was almost like the gentle thud of a pillow being thrown onto a bed. Luna stopped, the threat dying on her lips as she blinked and looked down at her chest. Golden's eyes followed her gaze. They were all momentarily stunned by what had latched onto her chest, or more accurately who.

The little lioness’s beady eyes stared up from her stepmother's chest with a look of inquisitive determination. Her tiny wings flapped wildly as she clutched onto dark blue fur, a questing claw was already haphazardly trying and failing to touch her ethereal mane. The room lapsed into a palpable silence save only for a tiny strangled gasp that left Princess Luna's throat and a gentle rumbling noise from the little cub that sounded oddly enough like purring.

There was always a silver lining in these things if you looked hard enough. For one the little lioness had probably been aiming for Princess Luna's face, but hadn’t quite been high enough to reach it, thank the fields above. The second was that at least Golden was going to see something cute before this all ended in disaster. It wasn’t much of a silver lining actually, more like a speck of iron shavings in the miners-pan.

Luna's mouth opened and closed several times as her brain seemed to have shut down from all rational thought. Her horn lit up almost of its own accord and the hatchling levitated in a ball of magic up towards her face.

The little cub blinked owlishly as she spun around to face the Alicorn. Then, completely oblivious to the situation, she let out a playful giggle, lifting her arms up trying to reach in vain for Princess Luna’s star-lit mane once again.

Golden’s body acted before her brain could tell her to flee. Taking the initiative, she shot up, snatching the little princess from mid-air and ran. “Wow look at the time, I’m going to put your daughter to bed now princess!”

The little cub gave out a mewing cry of protest as Golden galloped for the door. It seemed the little cub at least was having something of a good time and was not pleased by it being interrupted. Golden wasn’t paying attention though, all she could hear as she ran was her thudding of her own heart in her ears.

Princess Luna's mind seemed to snap back into reality all too soon. A reality Golden could see was not one she was pleased by. “What did you just say, daughter?” Luna barked out, anger and confusion sharp across her features.

Golden was already at the door, thinking of where she could hide, her room was out, so was most of Canterlot. Perhaps Mexicolt? Was that far away enough to outrun an Alicorn? It was at least warm this time of year, maybe if she could somehow change her name, fur colour, and cutie mark?

But all of her plans came crashing down around her when suddenly, much to her horror, the door opened of its own accord. She watched with bated breath as another shadow eclipsed her.

“Ah there you are Golden, thank the fields above, I thought I might have been-” the large figure paused as she glanced at the damage around the room. Somewhere behind Golden, a chandelier crashed onto the ground. “…Too late.” She finished lamely.

Golden winced as the sound of marble cracked under Princess Luna's hoof like ice. “Sister,” she hissed, horn and eyes flaring with magic once again. “Thou had best start explaining thyself,” she growled through gritted teeth, horn radiating with magical energy. “Otherwise we will not be responsible for what we are about to-” whatever potential threats of snakes and pits the princess was about to say next were quite literally extinguished. Before she could finish a small pink magic bubble engulfed Luna’s head and drowned out all noise.

The night Alicorn stood in momentary stunned silence as the magical bubble quickly engulfed her whole body in its pinkish hue. She recovered quicker than before though as her brow furrowed and she lashed out with a spell. But the bubble did not so much as wobble.

“What was it you told me all those years ago, when you beat me in the training yard? If you have to act, act, don’t yammer on about it,” Celestia said with a smile. Golden was somewhat of an expert on smiles on a genetic level, but you didn’t have to be an expert to see it was a deeply strained one.

Golden watched as Princess Celestia’s gaze turned back towards her niece, who was still fussing in Golden's hooves. “Oh look at you, I’m so sorry little one,” She moved over towards her and scooped the infant up into her forelegs hugging her to her chest, “My little brave lioness, there-there, please don’t cry.” She spoke in a soft infantile voice, one that Golden did not think the princess could possess. Golden watched as Princess Celestia sniffed the air and leaned back slightly and added, “Oh no, does someone need a diaper changing?”

“I-I’m not quite sure yet princess, I’ll let you know when my legs stop shaking,” Golden said with a pained wince, as she watched Princess Celestia's horn light up and produce a dummy.

She offered it to the crying lioness, who stopped her squirming long enough to open her eyes and stare at the thing. Golden wasn’t quite sure if griffons could even hold pacifiers in their mouths, what with them not having lips in the traditional sense, and was amazed when she latched onto it with her beak and claws. Only to begin tearing it apart peck by peck.

“Well…” Celestia said slowly, blinking down at the sight. “That's not entirely what I had in mind, but I’m glad to see that trick still works regardless of the species,” She smiled, more genuinely this time as she watched her little niece attacking the dummy in earnest. Strangely out of everything, Golden noticed the little hatchling did not show even the slightest bit of interest in her auntie's mane.

Finally, Princess Celestia tore her gaze away from her niece and back up towards Luna, who was still attacking the bubble with her horn, hoof, and magic, all to no avail.

“That’s not going to work Lu, it’s not pony magic.” She said producing a small black obsidian stone with a wave of her horn. Golden could see runes inscribed on the stones, but she didn’t recognise any of them at all. “It’s Griffon’s stone, from Griffonstone,” Princess Celestia said to Golden with a wink, “they’re amazing at rune crafting, but sadly they’ve always been lacking in the names department.” (1)

Princess Luna was literally glowing now with rage as she lashed out at the bubble, Golden took a step backwards behind Princess Celestia who simply rolled her eyes. “You can do that all day and expect the same results sister, I understand that you are upset, but if you promise to keep things civilized I will dispel the rune.”

The thrashing continued for a few more moments. Then reluctantly, there was a long moment of silence as Princess Luna's eyes narrowed to dangerous slits. Slowly, almost imperceptibly, she nodded her head.

Celestia watched her for another moment, then slowly the glowing stone in her aura began to dim until it was just a rock once more. She turned, handing the baby hatching back to Golden. Composing herself for a moment, then turned back right as Luna's horn lit up. A stool, perhaps the last undamaged piece of furniture in the room, flew in the direction of Celestia.

Golden opened her mouth to warn the princess, but before it could even reach six feet from her, it exploded into smithereens. Celestia staggered slightly, then glared at her sister, “Now that was childish.”

Luna snorted like a bull, stamping closer, “Thou had had thine fun sister, now get thee gone!“

Celestia fixed her with a deadpan glare, “Oh, I very much doubt this is fun, for any of us,” she paused as laughter peppered those words and glanced behind her, “well maybe for one of us,” Celestia said, as Golden watched the cub giggling at the magical fireworks with great enthusiasm.

“Get that thing out of my chambers and extricate that look from thine face, before so help us we will come over and do it for thou with the back of our hoof.”

“You're speaking in the old tongue again Lu,” Celestia said in an exacerbated tone, she massaged her muzzle with a tired hoof, “Look, this wasn’t how I wanted it, but I suppose now is as good a time as any for you to meet your daughter.”

A crack of energy burst from Luna’s horn and was barely deflected by Celestia's own magic as it crashed through a window elsewhere in the room. Golden couldn’t see where it landed, she was too busy using Princess Celestia’s legs as a riot shield at that moment.

“Do not use that word, break this farce at once, we have had enough of this!” Luna bellowed, her eyes dangerously narrowed.

Celestia exhaled, she looked then, at least in Golden's eyes every day of her many years of life as she turned back towards Golden. “Be a dear and take our little bundle of joy out of the room for a while please Golden.”

Golden didn’t need to be told twice, she snatched the little princess from Celestia's hooves and nearly skidded across the marble floor in her haste to escape. But as she turned to lock the door she caught Princess Celestia's face. Any lingering serenity was gone, in fact in that moment she looked just as terrifying as her sister had been.

“I think it’s time we had a good long talk sister,” Celestia said, igniting her horn.

Author's Note

((1) Griffons can oftentimes be very literal-minded creatures, though this lateral thinking has often led to some amazing inventions such as the ‘making things far away appear bigger glasses’, the ‘circle with many hands for telling time’, and most recently the ‘spiky stick firing device for making problems go away fast.’ The latter has found many practical applications from hunting, to law enforcement and even to settling poker games, though the last is rather frowned upon.)

A Little Family Squabble (Part Two)

If asked, it would be a safe assumption that most ponies would have guessed Princess Luna to be the more hot-blooded one of the two sisters.

After all, she was the one that had historically led the charges on the front lines in her past. She was the one often sent for hard-nosed diplomacy. Which was about the only sort of diplomacy she considered worth doing.

But also because she naturally did what most ponies had to be taught in prison to do on their first day. She treated life like it was the biggest stallion in the yard, and walked up to life with the intention of knocking it unconscious to assert dominance before it had the chance to do the same to her. Incidentally, this was also why she was still barred from most taverns to this day.

But because of this, ponies often forget Princess Celestia also held a terrifying temper of her own. After all, Celestia was the mistress of the sun and there was nothing that burned hotter than its rays. Whilst she was Gentle and serine in places she could be scorching and mercilessly unforgiving in all the others.

It had been a very long time since anypony had ever seen this other side of the princess of the daylight however. Even Luna had forgotten it, which was why she did not expect what happened next.

“Good riddance.” Luna spat as she watched the maid and that creature flew from the room. She turned towards her sister once more. “Now then, dear sister, prepare yourself for swift retribut- gah!” Luna stopped her speech mid-sentence as she was lifted into the air. She hung there for a moment, suspended by her tail before she was pinned up against the wall upside down.

Her limbs clamped against the wall in magical bindings as her horn scraped against the floor. Shaking the shock from her mind she tried to move, engulfing her horn with magic to break the hold. But felt her magic ebb away, silenced by the pink bubble once more.

Suddenly her vision was engulfed by the white fur of her sister's hooves. She glanced up then quickly realised she was upside down and glanced back downwards to see an irate face glaring down at her.

Her sister's eyebrows furrowed and her mouth fixed into a wide smile. It took another moment for Luna to realise that she was still upside down and her sister's smile was in fact a very prominent scowl.

“Are you quite done, dear sister?” Celestia growled. It had been a long time since she had heard that tone spoken. All at once Luna's anger cracked slightly, it didn’t shatter but there was definitely structural weakness and leaks were quickly forming.

She hadn’t seen her sister mad at her like this in nearly fifteen hundred years, not since she had placed her hoof in a bowl of hot water, while she slept in the grand duchess's new bed. Or even when she had replaced the conditioner with hair removal cream the day before a national address.

She had not even seen her that mad during that dreadful night when the Nightmare had taken over and had thrown both their lives into disrepair, if anything her sister had just seemed lost.

Luna opened her mouth but Celestia hoof covered it, “I think you're done talking, maybe you would benefit from listening for a change?” She whispered, teeth bared like a wolf's snarl. “Perhaps you would like to hear a story instead, about how Silver Tongue and I pulled your flank out of the fire you so gleefully lit under yourself in Griffonstone.”

Luna raised one brow slowly, Griffonstone, she was hearing a lot of that dreadful name lately, what had she done so badly in Griffonstone?

“I bet you're thinking, what did I do in Griffonstone?” Celestia said.

Luna blinked then shook the surprise from her face, but they both knew she was lying.

Her sister exhaled slowly, but the fire still burned in her eyes, “You know, I’m so happy you’re back Luna,” she said though she looked anything but, “I don’t think I was ever truly happy in all those thousand years you were gone, I thought the only thing that could make me happy was seeing you safe and home again, but by the graves of our ancestors you really test that sometimes Lu.”

“What are you talking about,” was what Luna tried to say, but all that came out was a muffled mumble.

“Do you know in the two years you’ve been back I’ve had no less than seventy-two complaints from foreign dignitaries, can you guess from how many countries?”

Again Luna tried to talk but Celestia cut her off. “One country, one! Odd I thought, she gets on well with the minotaur's, despite those border disputes in the past? Zebrica, she’s practically their strongest advocate, in spite of the fact I remembered she strongly advocated for a scorched earth policy when their tyrant queen's skirmishes spilled into our lands.” Celestia said, scratching her chin in mock thought.

Luna didn’t actually remember that, she remembered something about a dispute of course. But she had never advocated for a scorched earth policy? A slightly singed one perhaps, medium to well done at the most extreme.

“But the Griffon delegation, well she wouldn’t even meet them, despite the fact they’re technically our oldest Ally. I know she has her problems with them, but she is the one that always talks about duty to our country first and foremost. She always drones on about how the monarchy should be above pettiness and stand strong, a symbol to all. So perhaps she will behave herself? Especially since they are so pleased to be the first country to host you since your return, they are very big on royalty after all.”

Luna was already starting to tire of this, the words, “get to the point!” Was on the tip of her muffled tongue. Ponyfeathers, her sister should have taken her own advice about monologuing.

“So imagine my surprise when our poor friend Silver Tongue came back and said that Luna committed what would in most cases be a declaration of war.”

Ah, there it was, the reason for Celestia's anger perhaps? Luna's eyes widened at how casually her sister used that word. War? With the rodent chasers? Over a few jokes?

Luna felt her sister's hoof lift off her mouth and wasted no time speaking, “What in the seven rings of Tartarus are you talking about Tia, I did no such thing!”

Celestia cocked her brow at that. “Really? So you didn’t insult the whole of their royal family, called them rodent chasers, unfit to govern themselves, and then smash their sacred staff on the ground, none of that happened, yes?”

Luna's mind flicked back to that day. It had been a bit of a blur in all honesty, she had remembered cracking a few jokes at their expense sure. But she did that with the minotaur's and they didn’t seem to mind, they communicated with headbutts after all! A few little words were hardly going to affect them. It wasn’t her fault if those bird brains could not take a little ribbing.

Odd though, she didn’t remember breaking any staff. Come to think of it, she didn’t remember much after taking the stage. Only seeing the sea of twisting snake-like tails. Hearing that incessant squawking, those pointed beaks sharp as daggers, those razor-sharp claws that could dig into skin like knives…

Luna felt a shiver of revolution snap her back to reality. She shook the thought from her mind, “Whatever lies you’ve been told, the truth is we, I mean I did not declare a war. Nor did I break their pathetic little stick!” Luna said, trying to match her sister's gaze which was hard to do when she was staring up at her chin. “So get this business out of your head, if any war has been declared it is by their hoof, not mine. But if they want a fight so badly, I will happily oblige them.”

“Oh?” Her sister said, almost innocently, “With what army, pray tell?”

Luna blinked, staring up at her sister, “Well… the royal one obviously?”

“Ah, that one.” Celestia said with sarcasm dripping off every word, “The one that has not existed in over six hundred years?”

Luna's jaw opened and closed like a cow chewing its cud, “What! You are pulling my tail are you not!” It sounded like a joke, she waited for the punchline, but it never came, “you’re serious, why am I just hearing about this now? This… this is downright treasonous, how do we defend ourselves?”

Her sister stared at her like the teacher staring at the slowest pupal. “Well it’s pretty simple actually. You would know this if you didn’t throw all your financial scrolls in the bottom of the waste basket.” She said sternly. Luna had the grace to at least look momentarily embarrassed. In her defence, she never thought Tia would find out about that.

She had tried to read them. But every time she had started, she had found her brain skipping to the end in an act of self-defence against numerical poisoning.

“Simply speaking. After you left, other nations attacked us, thinking we were weak, well, we were weak really, without you.” Celestia looked down for a moment, then seemed to regain her composure. “By the time the dust cleared, we were flat out broke, I was desperate for any Ally, so I went to Draconian and brokered a treaty, they get a tenth of our natural gemstones annually and…”

“And?” Luna said, as her sisters eyes shifted nervously.

“I also sold our family jewels to the dragons for gold and support, enough to kick start our economy again.”

Subconsciously, Luna's eyes flickered to her tiara sitting on her bed. Her sister seemed to catch her gaze. “I got them back!" Celestia said quickly, "they had a ward on them making them indestructible.” She paused, “and indigestible,” then quickly added, “just…don’t ask me how I got them back.”

Luna opened her mouth then closed it, she decided she really didn’t want to know how she got them back.

“The point being, Instead of building up our military again, I lent the surplus to other nations who weren’t so lucky and gained more allies. It got to the point where it was more beneficial to befriend us than fight us. Now, if a nation attacks us, we simply call in their debts, hard to fight us when we pay for their army, weapons and food.” Celestia continued on, in that smug way ponies employed when they tried not to sound smug and somehow ended up sounding more because of it.

“But, but what about our enemies!” Luna said a note of almost pleading in her voice. They must had to have some left, right, they couldn't be friends with everyone?

“Actually we don’t, not any national ones. Why do you think I’ve been so very pushy with friendship all these years?” Celestia spoke like a teacher addressing a student, “Not only is it good for the soul, but for the wallet as well. Wars are dreadfully wasteful and expensive things. Trust me, I was the one that had to deal with the logistics of them all, while you sauntered off with the soldiers.”

“I refuse to believe this,” Luna growled, “this is an outrage, you disbanded our military! Grandfather would be spinning in his grave, have you no shame sister?!”

Celestia fixed her sister with another deadpan glare, “You do realise it was grandfather that brought most of those wars on us. I loved the stallion, but he was quite mad towards the end.”

“That is utter slander!” Luna protested. “He was not mad, he… he just had a lot on his mind is all.”

“Sister, in the last decade of his life he declared war on Canterlot Castle itself, a cloud that blocked out the sun during a ceremony, and on the squirrels of the palace gardens for stealing his acorns.”

Luna stuck up her chin, which had the opposite effect intended upside down, “And have you noticed a distinct lack of nut-related insurrection, hmm?” She said proudly, but deep in the back of her mind even she had had a hard time defending those decisions.

Especially the cloud one, she was still trying to work out why he had sentenced it to death by stoning of all things. All it had accomplished was a few holes in the cloud along with twenty one ponies injured and hundreds of bits of property damage.

But she would be damned if anyone was going to insult the founding father of Equestria in her presence. “You dismantle our army and now you besmirch grandfather's good name with this revisionist dreck, you’ve changed sister.”

She watched her sister messaging her temples slowly, “Yes Luna, perhaps I have, I have had a long time to think in your absence. Now I see our grandfather's flaws and our family’s flaws echoed in you. Ones that I had tried to rid of myself so very long ago,” Celestia said with a worried expression marring her face. “You do not need to cling to the past Luna, we can forget our grudges and or slights, we can build our own future anew.”

Luna scoffed, “Honestly sister, your over-exaggeration does you no credit. Our family has endured because of our traditions and our heritage. We do not forgive or forget, that’s what makes us strong.”

Luna watched as her sister brought a hoof to her forehead and muttered, “Fields above, was I also this stubborn?” Before Luna could comment though her sister added, “Let us put this another way, thanks to your traditions and slights, we now have to come up with a way in which to placate those affected by it. Not just the griffons, who no doubt will be looking for reparations, rather costly ones I might add. But also from our subjects, you know the ones who keep us in power?”

Luna scoffed, “We are the rightful princesses,” she said, “since when did we care what the plebeians think?”

Celestia gave her sister a deadpan glare. “You seemed to care a great deal during nightmare night.”

Luna opened her mouth to retort but found her brain drawing a blank on an answer. Damn it all her sister was good at wagging that tongue of hers. “Oh alright, fine, very well, if this is all that is needed, I will get somepony to write up an apology to send to those-” She paused when Celestia gave her another pointed look. “-Griffons saying how very sorry I am, for allegedly breaking their little walking stick, etcetera etcetera. Now will you please let me down from here, the world is begging to spin.”

Celestia shook her head. “I’m afraid that won’t cut it, Luna. You don’t know how serious this is. Think of it this way. Would you take a half-hearted apology, if someone broke your crown?”

Luna snorted, “I’d like to see them try it!”

Celestia rolled her eyes, “Luna, the public won’t just let this slide. We have griffon citizens, we are the country that tries to spread the message of peace and acceptance. That doesn’t work if one-half of it crosses the road when they see a lion walking by.”

Luna furrowed her brow in thought. Though mostly she was thinking about how all those griffons had snuck into her country. Stronger border patrol was needed immediately! But she doubted her sister would like to listen to that proposal at this time. “What more could they want Tia? Tell them I’m sorry if you must, but I am not going to grovel or kiss anyone’s claws.” She mentally retched at the very idea of those dirty talons near her royal mouth.

Celestia paused then, Luna did not like the look her elder sister was giving her. “You don’t need to kiss anything. But if we are speaking about griffon placating. Lucky for you, there seems to be only one that might need this and a pacifier does the trick.”

Silence reigned for a long moment as Luna waited for the punchline that never came. “That’s not funny.”

“I’m not joking,” Celestia said, an edge to her tone now, “if I was joking I would not have announced it this morning to half the city.”

“YOU WHAT!” Luna screamed, so loud that the hairs on her sister's face bristled from the impact of the air.

Celestia winced slightly as the hurricane blast of indignation passed around her. “Do I need to use the silencing rune again sister?”

“How dare you?” Luna roared.

“How dare I?” Celestia asked, brow furrowed, “how dare I what? How dare I stop you from ruining your reputation?”

Luna could not believe this, she refused to believe this was real, “This goes too far sister, have you so little disregard for my feelings on the matter?”

“Perhaps if you ever told me about your feelings!” Celestia snapped, frustration clear on her face, “You tell no pony how you truly feel, you bottle everything up, you think talking about problems is some sort of weakness.”

“And you think blubbering about them is a strength?!” Luna snapped back, glaring up at her sister, “I am no fainting maiden, I do not feel the need to cry about every slight. Did you hear grandfather talk endlessly of his woes?”

“No,” Celestia said slowly with a deliberate sharpness to her tone, “but do you not think that might be why he went mad? Perhaps bottling your emotions up until the well is so full, that they come bursting forth in a torrent of rage and anger is something we both want to avoid?!”

They both lapsed into silence once more. It didn’t need to be said what her sister was talking about, they both knew all too well. “This is irrelevant,” Luna said, breaking the silence, “I do not see how this has anything to do with you thrusting some overgrown chicken into my life and proclaiming it to be my heir no less!”

“You didn’t exactly give us time to come up with a better plan!” Celestia said pacing now, “I was trying to save you, you worked hard to revive your name, turn it into something ponies can be proud to hear.”

“And you thought me playing wet nurse to a field's damn griffon would do that, how exactly?” Luna exclaimed.

“Well, perhaps it might open your eyes to see that they are just the same as we are. Plus it sends a message of acceptance, that we would care for a small cub as if she was our own child. If nothing else at least there will be one less orphan in this world.” She said in an exacerbated tone, “Besides we both know you always wanted to have a foal, you always moan when I talk of my foals.”

Luna rolled her eyes, not this again, “I moan because you show me endless paintings of yours every time we talk, it’s exhausting.” Luna said.

Celestia paused mid-step and turned, a slightly hurt expression crossing her face, “I thought you liked them?”

“The first thirty times perhaps,” Luna muttered.

Celestia gasped, placing a hoof against her chest, “What’s wrong with my foals, they’re adorable.”

“Sister, the youngest one is nearly ninety years old for feather's sake!”

“Not when I had the portrait made.” Celestia chided, folding her forelegs across her chest, “you know what I think, I think you’re just jealous that I actually had foals and they were cuter than yours would have been.”

Luna gasped, the audacity of this female diamond dog, “I am not! When I do have my own foals, they will be twice as beautiful and thrice as adorable as yours are.”

Celestia gave her a sideways glance and scoffed, “Oh, and pray tell, when will that happen?”

“In my own time, I thank thee very much.” Luna retorted, huffing as she glanced away.

“It’s been about two thousand years, you're not exactly getting any younger,” Celestia muttered.

“You hag!” Luna roared, “I am just as beautiful and fertile as the day I turned two hundred.”

Celestia gave her a slow methodical appraisal with her eyes. Then lifted up her hoof swaying it side to side as she mouthed, “meh.”

Luna felt her cheeks redden and not simply because all the blood was going to her head. “Well perhaps I was waiting for the right stallion or mare, we don’t all go rushing into the first one we see, like the royal pool stallion for instance.”

This time it was Celestia's turn to blush, “That was one time seventeen hundred years ago!” Celestia said though it seemed even that length of time didn’t dampen her embarrassment much.

“Oh yes, and that family tree is still going strong I see.” Luna said with a vicious smirk. “Speaking of which, I spotted my great great grand nephew the other day.”

Celestia leaned in towards her, eyes narrowed. “Do not bring that up to Prince Blueblood, he’s very sensitive about his family’s lineage.”

Luna didn’t have to answer, her smirk said it all.

Luna watched as her sister leaned back, closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, before looking back down at her. “Regardless, all of this is beyond the point. The dye is cast, like it or not she is your legal heir, what’s done is done.”

“I won’t do it.” Luna felt the blood boiling once more, “I will not raise that thing.”

“You…will not have to.” Celestia said with downcast eyes, “I will do it, that poor dear deserves happiness and I know she will not get it from you. But I need you to at least play along with this for the time being.”

“Why, what is the point, everyone will know, I will not sully myself with the likes of them.”

Celestia closed her eyes for a moment, a tired sigh left her nostrils and her whole body seemed to sag as she sat down, “Why do you still hate them so much, sister? It has been a thousand years, can you not let whatever happened go?”

“I will not!” She roared, burning ire in her eyes, “You do not know what it was like sister.”

“Then tell me.” Celestia said, softly moving closer. “Let me help you sister.”

Luna turned away then, unable to meet her sister's gaze. Pride and shame slithered into a sickening concoction inside her chest all at once. She did not need reminding of that time. It was in the past. What was done could never be undone. “I don’t need help, what I need is for there to be less of those creatures in my life.”

Celestia rubbed her eyes, she looked older than, at that moment, “Please sister,” she said slowly, “please do this for us, for this country at least, make up a reason if you need to, but you must at least appear to be that lioness mother.”

There was no authority behind her sister's tone, it was something else, like a pony pleading to another to step away from the ledge.

“What will you do if I say no?” Luna asked, her tone more curious than threatening.

Celestia stared long and hard at her, then she closed her eyes and looked down towards her hooves, her long white horn ignited and Luna felt herself being slowly lowered back down to the ground.

“Nothing sister, I would do nothing at all. Believe me or not, everything I have done, I have tried to do to help you. Perhaps my methods have not always been to your liking, but all I ever wanted to do was to see my baby sister safe and happy.”

As Luna brought herself back up to her hooves, she wanted nothing more than to play the stubborn adversary, she really did. She was the type of mare that collected grudges like medals and this one was a really doozy.

But as she looked into her sister's crestfallen expression she knew her answer. Her sister had done so much for her and never asked anything in return. Despite the fact Luna knew that this would only end in utter disaster, she found her lips moving before she could form the thought in her head.

“Fine,” she said after a long ponderous moment, “fine, damn you, I will play along with this idiotic pantomime…for now.”

Something close to hope ignited once more in sisters eyes as Celestia smiled, a soft thing, but it was enough that Luna felt the fire in her chest simmer somewhat. “Really? That’s all I ask Lu,” Her smile took on something more playful for the first time since yesterday,

“This is only a temporary thing, you understand.” Luna said, rubbing life back into her hooves. “Do not think that this means that I will take this thing on as my child or even as as an apprentice. I will have nothing to do with it outside official business and I will not be near it unless I have to be. Also I want it thoroughly sterilized before any contact, I do not want this mange or rabies I’ve been hearing about.”

“Umm.” Celestia said, her smile faltering somewhat she looked as though she was about to say something else. Then seemed to think better of it, “O-kay, I’m sure we can work something out.” Ever the diplomat her smile rallied in the face of overwhelming odds, “I’m sure you’ll have a lot of time to work things out with your two months off.”

Luna blinked, “Time off?” she said, glancing back at her sister.

“Yes…I maybe, sort of, perhaps, announced you’ll be retiring to Cloudsdale Manor to better bond with your daughter, for the next two months.”

“You are, banishing me again?” Luna said, eyes narrowing suspiciously.

Celestia shook her head, “I hardly call relaxing in our old family mansion a banishment, I wish I could go.”

“You are more than welcome to.” Luna said sardonically. “You make a punishment sound like some holy day sister.”

“I told you it’s called a holiday now, Luna, and I guess that’s why I was always the politician and you were always the general.” She smirked more honestly now as she let her wing slip around her sister's shoulders. Luna felt the urge to shrug it off. But she had always found her sister's wing comforting, even if the thing it was attached to was certainly not.

“It will only be until the news dies away Lu. Trust an old hoof in this matter, ponies' attention spans are never long. Besides, who knows, you might even have fun?”

“I very much doubt that,” Luna grumbled. “But fine, I suppose I could catch up on some of my old hobbies, perhaps take up fencing again, I am a bit rusty.” She did like the idea of that, working up a sweat, the feeling of steel in her hoof once more. “The mansion is big enough that I shan’t have to look at that griffon at leas-“ she paused as she felt her sister's wing contract that little bit tighter against her waist.

“Oh, that reminds me, just one more thing.” Her sister said with a sudden hardness in her eyes that surprised Luna. “Whilst we are on the subject of our little cub, regardless of your personal opinions, that lioness is now family. She is now our flesh and blood, understand?” she said, pointing a hoof none too softly onto Luna's chest. “Whether you like it or not, she is ours to protect and care for.”

Luna glanced down at her sister’s hoof digging into her chest, “Yes Tia, you have made that demonstrably clear, I am aware of how our family works, even if she is nothing more than a little unsightly twig on the family tree, I’ll be sure-“

It wasn’t so much the fire inside reflecting in her sister's eyes that stopped her, it was more like a volcano. “No I don’t think you quite understand the meaning, I want your word, Luna.” She said, her wings squeezing that little bit harder, her voice going that much harsher, “She is under our protection, she is under the family oath, remember?”

Luna stared into her sisters' violet-coloured eyes, seeing a steely resolve she had not seen since she had stared at her own mothers.

Luna did not need reminding of her family’s unofficial oath, it seemed despite her sister's boosting of shedding her family’s traditions, she had not shed all of them. There was a saying among the royal family of Canterlot.

‘Grex Herdum Cornu Meum’ ~ ‘My herd for my horn.’

That, of course, was the more royal and regal way of saying it. The real way it was often understood was more along the lines of ‘touch any of my children and expect a bloody great big horn charging at you at mach-ten and that’s if I decide to be merciful.’ But unfortunately crest makers found that rather hard to fit onto a sigil.

But the point, (pun intended) still stood. The sisters were willing to do anything for the sake of their kin.

Luna met her sister's steely gaze and despite how much it pained her she gave a begrudging nod. It might not have been much. But to the two Alicorns, it was a pact sealed tighter than any treaty. She would keep this griffon safe.

Even if she had crossed her primary feathers behind her back when she did so.

A Nice Relaxing Vacation

“Silver, what is it doing now?”

“Just smile and wave princess,” Silver Tongue muttered through his clenched teeth. His face contorted into a forced, cheerful, and wholly fake smile. They both stood on the hastily erected stage, off to the side as he and the princess waved woodenly towards the mass of onlooking ponies, all gathered at the station to see Princess Luna's departure.

“I am trying, but it keeps assailing me with its claws.” She growled back through her own forced smile, her right eye twitching every few seconds. In front of her, laying inside a little sling around Luna’s neck was the newest princess of the realm. Who was playing with the mane of her stepmother.

Despite never being able to actually touch it, she seemed wholly engrossed by the sight of it. Every few seconds Silver could hear a giggle as she stuck her tiny claws inside and tried to grab at the stars. Totally oblivious to the roaring and cheering crowd gathered around the train platform.

“This was not part of the deal.” She said, a shudder passing through her back as claws clutched her fur. “No pony said I had to be this close to this gah unruly creature, I bet it’s not even been thoroughly washed!”

Silver could see the usually smooth hairs on Luna's back had all stood to attention, a barely contained shiver of revulsion rippled through her as one of the lioness claws went wide and lightly grazed her neck.

“Forgive me,” Silver said, his fake smile forming now into something close to a real one. "I couldn’t find a stroller in time.” He said, enjoying the sight and finding some sort of cosmic justice in the role reversal of their situation only a week ago.

Outside the usually calm train station, ponies were clambering over one another for a better view of the newest edition to the royal family. Some were even trying to shoulder past the small retinue of guards who were valiantly holding back the tide of multi-coloured onlookers, like a breakwater against a tropical storm.

Silver even noticed one stallion with a scar across one eye and the tattoo of a heart with the words ‘muther’ misspelled and etched rather poorly on his foreleg. He gave an unimpressed look at the stage and everyone on it, only to meet the little hatchlings' gaze for just a moment. Whereupon the stallion let out a rather high-pitched scream and swooned backwards, dragging three ponies behind him onto the floor in the process. It seemed despite the haste and the mystery, or perhaps because of that mystery, the little princess was already quickly winning the hearts and in that case, brawns of her new subjects.

It didn’t help that she was practically made for the royal stage, aloof, brash, and wholly comfortable being in front of a crowd. Fields above, she really was her mother's daughter.

It was nice to know that at least some pony was warming up to the new situation. Silver on the other hoof, despite the moments of satisfaction at seeing Luna uncomfortable for a change, was shaking and sweating profusely. Not just because he naturally did that whenever he had to stand for longer than a few minutes. He knew right now this facade was all balancing on a knife's edge. The sooner he got those two out of the public eye the better.

“It is with a fond, if slightly melancholy feeling that I bid my sister and my niece a fond farewell for the next coming months. I wish them only the best and I already await their return.” Celestia announced loudly, from behind a podium on the other side of the stage. Normally he loved hearing her make a fine art of his speeches. But for once in his life, he wished she would just cut to the end already.

None of his nerves were helped by the fact that he had never been more tired in his life. Even after the impromptu return of the alicorn standing right beside him, he had not had to work so tirelessly. I thought it could get no harder than nearly a week without sleep.

He had bribed every troublesome reporter he could find. He had done every back door deal with the nobility he could meet, and had set up as many press conferences as he could fit in a day. All the while lying through his teeth to the point he was almost wondering which parts were actually real anymore.

But now there was nothing left for him to do but to let fate drive on and hope it didn’t decide to take a ‘U’ turn on the fly.

But so far, everything was working.

The ambassadors of Griffonia had seemed placated. They had, at least for now, ben willing to accept this new turn of the night princess’s leaf. Despite all evidence to the contrary. Griffons where even more proud of their royalty than the Equestrians after all. So having a native-born lioness in the pony royal family went a long way towards sweetening any apology. Silver had been betting on that very fact after all.

Well, that was if she was in fact native to Griffonia. The griffons certainly wanted to believe that and Silver certainly did little to dissuade the notion, happy to let the ambassadors think whatever they wanted. But in truth, neither he nor the headmistress of the orphanage had any idea really. As far as she knew the little lioness, had simply turned up one day in a bassinet on the doorstep with a single note that simply read 'Pride Novabane,' not even a name or anything else.

Sure she technically might have been found in an Equestrian orphanage, but the griffons didn’t need to know that part, it was practically on their borders anyway. It wasn’t exactly lying. Every public relations advisor worth his salt knew that no one really wanted the truth anyway, the truth was sort of like paprika, nice if used sparingly but often sickly if too much got into it. It was the idea of it that was important.

Yes, he also supposed it might have helped that a sudden mysterious change of mind regarding the trade policy which now surprisingly favored Griffonian exports had somehow come into effect conveniently at the same time. But Silver wasn’t going to let Celestia take all the credit.

All he had to do now was make sure someone didn’t cock it up in the time between now and stepping on the train. Which was why he was at this moment sweating profusely. Because despite all of what had happened. This was the one thing he could not have planned for, this was the part he could not control, Princess Luna.

He tried to focus back on Celestia and the crowd when a gasp startled him and he turned to see a swaying paintbrush tail sticking out of her mane.

“Silver, what is it doing!” Luna squealed, looking like she was somehow trying to crawl out of her own skin. Silver glanced down at the cub, who had somehow wriggled her way out of the sling and was nestled into Luna's mane.

“I believe the term is playing.” He said as the cub crawled further onto her back. She certainly was a wily one, they had practically sown the lioness into the swaddling, but somehow she had snaked through it all.

“How much longer do I have to suffer this, can’t you hold it?” she said, her left eye twitching as the Cubs stared out at the crowd for a moment from the top of her mane.

“Hold her” he corrected, “She’s your daughter, Luna, please at least act like you care for the cameras.” He pleaded, “I told you before we started, they need some photos of you and her together. It’s only for a few more minutes, then after that, the other maids can handle the little princess. But for now, try and at least look content.”

“I’d like to, ah, see you look happy with eight daggers sticking into your blubber.” She growled, eyes twitching as the little princess clapped her claws together excitedly, before diving back into Luna's corporeal mane.

“Now my dear sister would like to say a few words before departing.” Celestia's voice announced with that practiced sly smile that Silver admired so much. The mare could have fleeced a fox out of its burrow with that smirk of hers.

“Finally!” Luna exclaimed, just loud enough so that only most of the audience heard it. Silver leaned forwards and whispered into her ear, “Just read what it says on the paper Luna, then we can depart.” He added hastily.

Somehow Luna actually managed to scoff whilst also grimacing, “Please Silver, gah, I have been doing this since you were not but a sparkle in the postman’s aye!” She turned towards Golden who seemed to wince as they locked eyes for a moment, then Luna lit up her horn and lowered the cub towards her.

“But… my father wasn’t a postman?” Silver said, scratching his thick jowls as Luna reached the podium.

The little Lioness looked confused for a moment that she wasn’t amongst the nebula of stars anymore. But then seeing who was holding her, promptly latched onto Golden’s face with a happy squawk. Silver winced at the sight, even if his niece said she didn’t feel it, having a face stretched out like a slingshot was not a pleasant sight. He wondered if that was something hatchlings did often. If that was the case, griffon mothers must have been pretty tough indeed or at least had several eye patches on standby.

The roar of the crowd slowly dimmed as they watched Luna ascend the podium. If Celestia projected grace and elegance of the throne, her sister was the one that projected the strength and nobility of it. He knew she was not as seasoned as her sister was at this game, but she was right in the sense that she was used to this as well. Though she would probably have felt more comfortable dressed in armor and brandishing a sword. Thankfully Celestia had vetoed that idea a long time ago.

“My fellow ponies.” Her tone was soft but somehow projected throughout the crowd, “tis heartening to see so many of you come to bid me farewell on my departure.” She paused as a wave of cheers washed over the stage. The loudest came from a mare holding a sign crudely depicting what looked like a chicken with a cat's face on it, with hearts dotted all around. Silver raised a puzzled brow, either that was a badly drawn griffon or she had mistaken this for the Basilisk appreciation society. (1)

“I am grateful not only to my sister.” It was only a testament to Silvers's familiarity with the princess, that he could tell her cherry delivery was somehow also laced with contempt, “for taking this burden while I spend time with my…” She paused, her smile dipping down just a fraction, as she squinted down at the paper again. Silver gulped, he knew this would be the hardest part.

“My beautiful daughter…who I am blessed to have in my life?” She said quizzically, shooting a lightning-quick glare back at Silver. Mercifully she recovered quickly, forcing out a strained smile, in the same way one does when they were expecting a wristwatch from their grandparents, only to revive a poorly knitted sweatshirt. Not that Silver had an experience with that of course.

“I think this is going rather well,” Celestia said by his side.

Silver flinched, fields above when had she moved there? Oh, he needed sleep. Silver didn’t turn, his eyes fixed on the potential disaster, liking watching a speeding train hurtling towards him. But he nodded hesitantly. Things were transpiring something close to smooth, but in his profession, it did not pay well to rest on your laurels, despite the fact he had a rather large laurel to rest on.

“I’m still waiting for the stage to catch fire.” He muttered, eyes flickering from the crowd to Luna and then to the little lioness who was now running around in a circle on Golden's back, chasing her own tail.

“I’ll have a pony with a bucket brought out just in case.” Celestia said with a smile, which seemed to morph into concern as she gazed at him, “Silver… When was the last time you took a vacation?”

Silver blinked the sleep from his eye, “What year is it?” he asked.

“If you were asking the Panda’s, they would say it’s the year of the platypus.”

“Then three wombats and one snake ago, plus seven years.”

He caught her worried gaze from the peripherals of his vision, “Everyone needs their rest, my dear friend, even you.”

Silver rolled his eyes, his idea of rest was dealing with something simple, like an affair or a public indecency claim. “I’ll rest when I’m… oh fields above she’s going off script again,” he muttered through his hoof as they gazed back at the night princess.

“-and it is with thus, on the topic of foal care, that we put forward the motion that every foal be taught not simply quail and paper but spear and mettle. As my grandfather once said, when he valiantly charged the great library of Zebraca, ‘by Jove we will give those weedy quill pushers a proper thrashing!’” Luna roared, much to the consternation of both Silver and Celestia.

“Sometimes, it’s as though grandfather never left…” Celestia shook her head softly and turned back to Silver, who was dabbing the sweat with his necktie. “If you won’t take vacation time, then would you consider taking time to plan the next move in the countryside.”

Silver raised his brow, “I don’t do country, too much grass, animals urinate on it you know?” He said, taking the slightest pride in not having touched anything green in over ten years. But then the suspicious part of his brain, which was bigger than most other ponies by nature of dealing with the nobles for a living, began to kick into gear. “Wait… you’re asking me to accompany Luna, you want me to be the royal babysitter now?”

“Hardly.” Celestia said, chuckling, but her laugh was just the slightest bit too forced for his liking. “A babysitter is not required, your niece has already kindly agreed to look after our little one as per your recommendation. All you would have to do is kick back relax and-“

“-Keep Luna from doing anything else to cause a political scandal?” Silver finished his eyes narrowed in a deadpan glare.

“I was going to say keep an eye out for her,” Celestia said, but they could both read between those lines, “But it’s just a precaution, she can hardly get up to that much trouble so far from hom-“

“-Thus all free-loving ponies can rise up, each having a fundamental right to bear halberds against any invading foe, such as the founding father of Equestria would have wanted. Any foe will have to take them from our cold dead hooves!”

Celestia sucked in a breath, as Luna snatched a spear from one of the guards and held it over her head. “H-How about I throw in my personal chef to accompany you?” She added quickly.

Silver blinked, “You mean the one who makes those Fig leaf pies, the ones with the frilly bits on the crust?”

“The very same,” Celestia said with a touch of resignation. He knew that must have been hard on her, going two whole months without her Achilles heel. That was the same as saying she had finally agreed to go on the diet.

Silver stuck his tongue into his bottom lip and hummed. “Fine-fine, I suppose it’s the most prudent plan. I can work better at the epicenter, but only so long as I can come back the moment something happens… when something happens.”

“Agreed,” Celestia said far too quickly for his liking. “It will be good for you Silver. You should try to relax, the hard work is done.”

“You of all ponies should not be the one telling me that princess.” He muttered.

She gave a tired but well-meaning smile, “Even I have to let go and trust in fate sometimes Silver. If I tried to micromanage every little detail of life, I would have pulled my mane out years ago.”

Silver furrowed his brow as he stared up at Celestia's mane. He had often wondered why both hers and Luna’s were so, for lack of a better term, magical? Both Princess Cadance or Twilight manes were normal. Though now that she had put the image of a bald Celestia in his mind that was suddenly all his tired brain could think of, as he stared into her translucent mane.

And it was exactly because of that thought that he caught what happened next. As he glanced through her hair draped around her neck and towards another princess. One who had at that moment forgotten about chewing on her little paint brush tail and was instead, now entirely focused on something floating right in front of her beak.

Something that to Silver's eyes looked exactly like a Death’s Head moth.

Silver had very little time for hobbies, ones that didn’t involve outsmarting the chief's defenses in the royal pantry and raiding the kitchen by candlelight. But there was a time he had remembered being fascinated by nature as a foal. In the same way, others are morbidly interested in understanding what terrified them, like the ocean or small talk in elevators.

He knew a thing or two about butterflies and moths; he still had his Canterlot Wildlife monthly magazine collection somewhere at home. But there was no mention of the winter Death’s Head moth in any of them. Because they had gone extinct hundreds of years ago, around the same time the royal red squirrel had mysteriously vanished from Canterlots castle gardens.

So what was it doing here and now in Canterlot, out of season and more importantly, out of time?

It seemed he was not the only one who had taken an interest. The little lioness turned on Golden's back and was watching it intently, her tiny little wings were slowly opening out, her back arched, front paws down, and back side raised much like a puppy who was ready to pounce. All at once an ominous feeling slithered through Silver's rotund body.

“Are you alright Silver, you look like you’ve seen a ghost?” Celestia asked, a puzzled frown on her face. Even Golden was looking at him with a worried expression, behind the giant red lipstick smile.

Which was why neither of them noticed the little lioness as she jumped off of Golden's back and towards the moth. They both fluttered in mid-air as it slipped through her claws and onto the stage curtains.

The cub claws caught on the red curtains of the stage not a moment later. She dangled there for a moment before righting herself with her paws. Spotting the moth just above her she clawed her way up with such speed she would have started a Cheetah.

“That is why,” Luna continued, shuffling her scrolls, “as a newly, emm, loving mother of a…” she squinted her eyes at the scroll and cursed under her breath, “proud and wondrous people that I hold in high regard, oh fields above.”

“Oh fields above,” Silver Tongue gasped as he watched the Lioness scaling the curtains.

“I grant you it’s not the most convincing speech,” Celestia said, eyeing her sister on the podium, “she was never very good at selling points, but it will all come out well in print.”

“Not that!” Silver muttered pointing towards the stage curtains. No sooner had he pointed towards the chick, the lioness had already made it to the top with frightening speed. He watched in horror as the moth took that second to flap away into the open air knowing what would happen next.

Silver swore he heard sniggering laughter coming from that very mouth. But it was the last thing he was focusing on.

It all happened so fast that, before Silver could even suck in a breath to shout, she had already lept into thin air. Her tiny wings flapped as she stayed in the air for half a second, before she plummeted downwards.

As with many things in a dramatic narrative in Equestria. Time, that unusual and metaphysical construct that it is, chose that exact moment to slow. Well, not so much slow, time itself was consistent; it could only move ponderously in a horizontal line. But that did not mean that it could not expand upwards on the graph, and expand outwards into all other timelines.

Often, when this happened, it had the same effect as slowing down time just… Wobblier.

Fortunately, as time stretched into the endless possibilities of all the other horizontal timelines, Silver, wired up on enough coffee to power a small town, had just the right amount of time to get Golden's attention.

Unfortunately for Silver, in this section of the timeline, none of them were hyper-fast light-bending creatures. So instead of having a chance to catch the little cub, they could only watch in horror as the lioness flew downwards and landed claws first into the rounded rump of her new stepmother.

There was another second of silence, a slight pinging in the air of real-space as time seemed to contract back into itself and then causality and chaos took the reins once more.

Princess Luna did not so much scream, she wasn’t really built to scream, she roared. Her front hooves reared up as she gazed furiously around and confused as her daughter clung on for dear life. She thrashed around for a moment dropping the spear but recovered quickly. She lit her horn up and pulled the hatchling up towards her face and not for the first time stared in confusion and incomprehension at the Cub staring right back at her.

“Why you-“ Luna snarled her words slowly but building up to a tirade that Silver knew would sink all of them. Thankfully at least in this time line though, Silver and Golden were both Earth ponies.

Whilst Earth ponies were not hyper-fast light-bending creatures. Their evolution had taken on something more of a practical element to their natural defence mechanism. For instance, besides the ability to shatter rock with their hooves which was indeed a plus. They had developed a lesser-known skill, passed down from their ancestors to understand one another on a deeper level beyond words.

Instead of being able to fly or teleport, Earth ponies had an uncanny ability to read facial expressions and body language better than any other creature. After all, if they had to wait until language was invented before they could warn others that a giant dragon was coming down from the sky. The whole subspecies would have been a black smear on the sidewalk before they could invent the phrase, “doesn't that bird look awfully scaly to you?”

It was because of this, that Silver was able to turn to Golden and have a full conversation in the space of three seconds, which went something like this.

“Golden I know I promised I would never ask you to do something like this again but-”

“-Oh no, no please uncle, I told you I gave that up.”

“Golden, listen to me, this is an emergency, Princess and country are on the line!”

“But it’s embarrassing and besides I’m out of practice.”

“Do you want all of us out on the streets? Because that’s what’s going to happen if Luna finishes that sentence, Golden please I’m begging you here!”

“Uncle…” but it had been decided, Golden winced but her hooves were already moving.

“-Little stinking son of a-“

Before Luna could finish her tirade, Golden leapt forward towards the stage. Somehow perhaps a trick known only to red-nosed practitioners of comedic magic, a banana peel materialised in her hooves. She threw it in front of her. Then with subtle acrobatics of an expert gymnast, she slid across the stage on one front hoof balancing her body upright.

“Wow, ahh, help,” She said, delivering the line in an almost painfully embarrassed tone, as she spun towards the podium. The whole crowd quietened down in stunned silence and watched as Golden's hoof let slip of the banana peel. Then, with the precision that would have put a veteran stunt pony to shame, tucked her head between her legs, rolled and promptly crashed into the podium.

It broke apart sending the microphone and wood hurtling off the side of the stage, and more importantly away from Luna's mouth. Luna's words died on her tongue as she flinched backwards and then glanced down at the maid in front of her.

“Oh hi princess,” she said wiping away the chips of wood from her curly green mane, “Have you seen your daughter around anywhere?” She blinked owlishly up at the cub as if she had only just noticed her, “Oh there you are!” She said, slapping her cheek as though she didn’t already know, “gosh you gave me such a worry.”

She jumped up and brushed her maid's outfit lightly, plucking the lioness from Luna's magic. “Oh you are such a little troublemaker,” she said softly towards the cub who simply giggled. Then Golden looked around at the damage she’d done and the thousands of stunned ponies in front of her, all silent now.

“Oh…” she said slowly as if she had only just noticed what she had done. Silver had to hoof it to her, she was convincing at playing a fool. “Whoops my bad princess, were you in the middle of something?” She said with an aloof smile, “Guess this little one just wanted to say hi to Mommy.” She said holding up the hatchling who was already looking back at Luna, arms stretched out towards her mane.

Clowns weren’t inherently funny, but they have the effect of uncomfortable laughter which is far more powerful. Some of the more clued-in ponies or perhaps the ones with lingering Coulrophobia began to nervously chuckle. This sent a ripple along the sea of denizens, until the whole crowd began laughing and cheering.

Silver watched as Golden made her exit with the little princess. Luna quietly seethed as she glared at her rump. There was nothing firm to Silver's frame, his body rippled like water, but somewhere inside, something relaxed.

“Somehow… I don’t think this vacation is going to be very relaxing," Silver said sardonically back to Celestia.

Celestia, who had been watching the scene play out with a wide open jaw, gave an uneasy smile. “As some of the youth say today, no Take-sees back-sees.”

Before Silver could argue that no pony had said those words in at least twenty years, Celestia was already moving towards the stage to bring the ceremony to a close.

Silver swallowed as he gazed from the disgruntled Luna, to his niece who was already picking out bits of splinters from her mane. Then to the Cub who was already fussing and looking for the next thing to entertain her. Silver wondered to himself, if he had made the greatest PR move of his life, or the worst.

Canterlot crowds had a knack for finding entertainment wherever they could. It was like a sixth sense for the city. Be it a celebration, festival, or magical world-ending disaster, entertainment was entertainment. It seemed this had been a combination of all three. As such, most of the citizens of Canterlot were trotting away from the princess's speech with the excited and hurried tones of ponies who had watched a train wreck unfolding in front of their eyes, and couldn’t wait to tell everyone else all about it.

But high above, in a distant clock tower overlooking the station, three hooded figures watched the spectacle with utter contempt and disgust.

“Look at ‘em chief.” One of them said, pointing down towards the stage in the distance. “Can you believe this chief, can you? We should go down there right now and show ‘em all.” He thundered, his voice booming like a summer storm.

“Ye-ah, look at them. Makes you sick, walking along parading one of ours as one of their own!” Another one sneered, with that snivelling cocksure type of voice that seemed to imply someone who would flee from strength, but attack weakness without mercy added. “We should go down and teach them a lesson.”

“Shut up, you idiots,” The last figure snapped, this one was tall, gaunt, and dower. Slowly he lowered the telescope from his vision and snapped it shut. “What are you going to do, walk down to the two most powerful creatures in the land and snatch the cub. You’d be a black smear on the floor before you could even get ten paws away.”

The other two considered this for a moment, but not for very long. Concepts like ‘planning’ weren't much use to them, evolution had deemed them to be what you would call natural henchmen. Things like independent thoughts simply got in the way of other important things like robbing and bludgeoning.

“So then, what are we gonna do, we can’t just stand here and watch,” the wedeling voice complained, “and also, why do you get to be the one who holds the ‘make things far away appear bigger glasses.’” He said, eyeing the telescope with a greedy stare. “I want to see.”

The tall figure turned slowly and regarded him with patient and lifelessly dark eyes, “Sorry, who's the leader here?”

The smaller one flinched back. But before he could speak, the one with a voice like an avalanche knitted his meaty brows together in deep concentration. Then, after a moment asked, “You are?”

“Correct Ulf,” The tall one said, not breaking eye contact from the weakest of the three. He leaned over and prodded his chest, “and who was assigned to lead this task?”

Another long pause as the few remaining neurons went into overdrive at this complicated conundrum, “…You were?”

“Correct again Ulf, do you know why?” The figure asked, but this time he didn’t wait for an answer. Asking three rhetorical questions in a row was likely to short circuit Ulf’s brain. “It’s because I’m the one who gets things done, I’m the one they call when others are too scared to do the dirty work and I know you know what I’m capable of… right Hendrik?” The tall one said.

Hendrik felt a sharp pain in his chest, a single razor-sharp talon dug into his plumage. It lingered there, threatening to dig in a heck of a lot further with only the minimal amount of effort, if the owner so wished.

“Y-yes chief, s-sorry chief.” Hendrik pleaded quickly.

Those black eyes lingered for a moment longer. Then with an almost gentle smile the sharp pressure against Hendric’s chest subsided, but the throbbing pain stayed as a reminder.

The leader frowned as he watched the cub being brought towards a large train billowing with steam. He narrowed his eyes as that damned sun witch kissed the cub on the head. “Trust me, I will make these weak leaf-eaters pay for stealing one of our own and parading her about like a trophy, but now is not the time.” He cocked his head slightly and spat off the roof, smirking as somewhere below him a pony yelped.

“Yeah,” boomed Ulf loyally, “they turned her into a performing umm, a performing umm, what do you call them, those hairy things with long arms that eat bananas?”

“Fruit bats?” Hendrik said, rubbing his chest.

Ulf, who had never been a fan of books, unless he was hitting someone with one frowned, “They don’t have arms, do they?”

Hendrik blinked, but not to be outsmarted in this sort of thing added, “Yes, ‘course they do, in um, The Crystal Empire, they’re attached to their wings.”

“They are?” Ulf said, taken aback, his tail flicked with consternation, caught unaware and not very happy about it, “Great Emperor, what kinda' thing has arms and wings?”

There was a moment's silence where irony passed them by like a bad smell in the wind.

“Enough,” the leader said, shaking his head and wondering what he had done to deserve such early-hatched dunderheads as pride mates. “We will wait for the right moment to present itself, find a time when the night princess is alone, then we will strike.”

“But she ain’t never alone,” Ulf added, “besides I hear she is a famous warrior and she never sleeps.”

“Everyone sleeps.” Hendrik snapped.

“But…how does she raise the moon then?”

Hendrik thought about this for a moment longer. “She obviously sleeps during the day, she is the night princess after all.”

“But…Why is she up now then?”

The leader messaging the bridge of his beak, the sooner he could get this over with the sooner he could deal with these idiots and take the reward for himself. But for now, these fools were useful, as cannon fodder if nothing else. “She has to sleep and when she does, we will be ready. She might have been a warrior once, but these weaklings don’t even have an army, we’re trained warriors are we not? Are you afraid of some mare?”

“No!”

“No?”

The figure allowed himself a smile as he touched something against his chest, a stone etched with the ancient runic carvings of the shamans. “Alicron or no, we will be back in Griffonia with that cub before the end of the week.”

Though he himself had no intention of going back. Griffonia would be too dangerous once they had finished, what with the enviable war that would be raged after the disappearance of pony kind’s newest princess. But these idiots didn’t need to know that part.

“Right,” the other two said in unison. The leader smirked, spreading out his wings to take flight. But before he could take off, Hendrik said, “Hang on, is that some sort of cat chicken?”

They all turned back towards the empty stage where indeed some sort of chicken-like creature with a scaly underside was walking up the stage stairs. This was strange enough, but what was more odd, was the plastic cat ears stuck poorly onto its head. It pecked at the ground several times, then, for no reason that either of the three could fathom, it belched fire onto the curtains.

In the distance, a mare holding a makeshift sign began to cheer.

Author's Note

(1)(There are many types of basilisks located in Eques, the most common is the stone basilisk that can petrify anything living from sight, the spotted fire breather, the kelpie basilisk that lives in swamps. But perhaps the most dangerous of all, is the petrified basilisk, which confusingly, does not turn things to stone, but instead lives in a state of constant fear and paranoia, then when threatened, promptly explodes. Blowing itself, the predator, and the several hundreds of feet of land along with it out of history and into geography.)

Manors and Mirrors.

“Tis…different from what I remember it being?” Luna said to no pony in particular as they all rounded the hill and glanced down towards the cloudsdale manor.

Golden couldn’t help but agree with the sentiment. Despite the bright sunny day, the manor itself looked as though storm clouds should have been hanging over it and a voice should have been loudly proclaiming "it's alive!” From the depths of its gloomy facade.

She had seen paintings of the ancient manor in the halls of Canterlot castle, right before her head had been accidentally launched through them following some “humorous accident.” From what she had seen, (at least in the brief moments before she had destroyed priceless historical artefacts,) the manor had been a shining beacon of stately homes, regal and elegant, crested with ivy and surrounded by luscious green hills flanked by fields of daisies.

Often though reality was very different to a painting. Which was to say, it was an out and out lie.

What white there was left was mostly chipped onto the floor or peeling off the walls to reveal a dirty moss covered stone. Ivy had not so much crested the walls as it had kicked in the doors and windows, put its toothbrush in the bathroom, taken half the fridge for itself and settled for the long hall on the coach.

They walked on, past the crumbling facade and creaking iron gates into the front garden. Golden trod around the holes in the gravel path, and glared at the scum filled fountain which bubbled ominously like a prehistoric tar pit. She glanced up at a statue of an alicorn with both front hooves missing. Its mouth open, presumably to spray water into the fountain, had rusted brown. As she passed by, Golden could hear a foreboding rumble somewhere in the depths of the piping inside.

All in all the artist who had painted that picture had either taken great liberty or was more likely blind.

The royal retinue, which followed the princess consisted of herself, her uncle Silver Tongue, a small army of maids and a hoof full of interchangeable guards, Golden could never work out which ones (1) and a stroller containing a little princess. Said princess had been up all night causing chaos to everyone on the train and was now sleeping it off in a push pram until the next reign of terror could commence.

The journey had been less than pleasant, the little hatchling princess seemed to possess infinite energy, like a self propelling machine it seemed the more she ran the more she couldn’t stop. It had taken golden and three other maids just to corner her in the caboose of the train and three more to put her into a stroller.

Golden was hoping for a chance to sleep in a nice bed and if anything experience the countryside outside the mansion. But it was starting to look like she was going to experience it from inside the mansion as well.

“Any chance we made the wrong turn?” Golden asked hopefully, as he looked back to her uncle who was frowning down at a map. His Specialized Wellington boots squelched as he glanced flicked from the grass to the map with suspicion.

“There’s only one manor in Briddleton…unfortunately.” Silver answered, his chins forming into a prominent frown. “Strange, it wasn’t like this a year ago?” He mused.

“Well,” Luna said with a look that screamed best of a bad situation, “let us not dally, I am eager to see my old stately home.” With determination forming on her features she took a step forward.

No sooner had her guided horse shoe taken another step on the gravel, the door to the manor, what was left of it anyway, flew open and slammed against the walls.

They all watched, in various states of shock as a minotaur, a rather elderly one judging by the white beard, a walking cane and only marginally enormous muscles stormed outwards, directly toward them.

What left the mountain of bull’s mouth and nostrils was a stream of snorts, growls and guttural throat noises that sounded like a deranged steam train going off the rails. Both Silver and Golden took a step backwards on instinct. But Princess Luna just stood still, her only movement was a slight raising of her eyebrow.

“I think you are quite mistaken, good sir,” she said back to the Minotaur, apparently understanding the hulking mass of muscle barely contained inside a black suit and tie, “Tis my lawn you are standing on and who are you to claim otherwise?” She asked without a trace of fear.

He took another step closer, letting out another grunt and a series of snorts. Golden had heard Minatorian around the castle, but even by their standards this seemed aggressive. This was only compounded when she saw him kick up gravel with his hoof and lower his horns towards them. (2).

“Do not worry, this is just a simple misunderstanding.” Luna said calmly, “we will handle this diplomatically.”

Golden waited for the princess to speak but instead she scuffed the dirt with her front hoof for a moment much like the bull had. Then nodded to herself, lowered her head a fraction and charged.

Golden watched, mouth half open as the two launched at one another. Golden, somewhat of an unwitting expert at head collisions, winced as an immovable object and an unstoppable force collided head first into one another. The sound was like two melons slamming into concrete but hopefully without the same mess.

Both of them flew backwards. Everything from the princess horn to her tail shook like a bowl of jelly. The Minotaur fared little better. He stood there stiff as a board for half a second, then collapsed like a felled tree onto the gravel.

All at once they ran towards the princess, who was gazing around like a pony on the wrong end of drunk.

“Luna are you okay?” Silver asked, concern marring every chin and Jowl.

“Hah please! W-we haf s-s-seen c-calf’s who s-strike h-h-harder Silver.” Luna slurred, still vibrating.

“Umm, I’m over here princess.” Silver said.

Luna furrowed her brow, “Presh Silver sh-op m-m-multiplying, tis hard to talk with sho m-m-many of you at o-o-once.” She said looking everywhere but at him.

A thick and heavy groan brought all eyes back to the Minotaur who slowly sat back up. On cue, the royal guards formed a protective spear tip around the princess. But to Golden's mind, it looked more like the perfect triangle of pins for the bowling ball of a bull.

But to everyone's surprise he simply sat there blinking slowly. “That headbutt, could it be?” With awe blazing in his voice, he reached into a coat pocket. With two fingers he pulled out a pair of thick rimmed glasses.

“The night princess, it really is you?” He said squinting through the lenses at princess Luna.

“You recognised her from head butting her?” Golden asked.

“Oh course!” He boomed, a smile etching his snout. “The night princess’s headbutt is legendary across the whole of my homeland. They say that it is like colliding with the densest mountain. I am so honoured to receive it.”

“Who dares call me dense?” Luna said shaking her head, her eyes slowly focusing once more back in place.

“Princess, the tales are true, you are as strong of neck and skull as my ancestors foretold.” He said, kneeling down and offering his hand to the princess. She blinked down at it then smiled and offered out her hoof in return. “I am truly honoured to touch horns with one as thick of forehead as you.”

“Oh stop please, thou art exaggerating,” Luna said, in a tone of voice that seemed to suggest that he continue for a lot longer.

“To think, I would finally meet the mare who defeated my great great ancestor Ugrah and pressed his family into eternal servitude.”

Luna blinked, furrowing her brow. “Wait a moment, you are a descendant of Ugrah Skull Crusher?”

“The very same.” He said, his giant chest puffed out proudly. “You defeated him in a duel of head butts and then spared his life so long as he and his herd swore to serve you for all eternity.” He wiped a tear from his eye, “we still raise a glass of milk to you every day before chewing our cud.”

“Is that… true?” Silver asked as they all turned to Luna.

Luna blinked, clearly trying to remember that day, “Tis… true that we bested him in a duel. Every pony who was any pony, was sparing opponents and pressing them and their progeny into eternal servitude. ‘twas all the rage back in the day. But it was just something you said,” she shrugged as though ruling others and making them serve you for all eternity was indeed just one of those things. “No pony actually did it, maybe one summer at best, but I did not think for a moment old Skull Crusher “the great betrayer” would actually take us seriously.”

The Minotaur nodded his head knowingly. “It was a moral conundrum your grace. You see, by pressing him into service his greatest act of betrayal was in fact to not betray you at all. It was the only way of saving face.”

Golden rolled that around in her mind a few times, but each time it seemed to make less and less sense the more she thought about it.

He rose back up to his impressive height and bowed deeply, “Welcome ma’am.” The Minator said, his rugged frame smoothing to somewhere between a prized butler and a prized bare knuckle boxer. “My name is Iron Hoof, I am the head butler of the household.”

“Charmed.” Luna said with a smile. Golden watched her for a moment. There was no sarcasm behind the statement, no distrust in her eyes. She supposed it really was just griffons that she didn’t like.

Iron Hoof turned to address the rest of them, but as he opened his mouth his eyes locked on Golden, or more accurately, the stroller that Golden was pushing.

“Who is this?” He asked.

“It’s the princess daughter-,” Golden paused, already feeling Luna's deadly glance aimed at the back of her skull, “-adopted-daughter,” she amended.

“My word.” The minotaur said, “may I see her?” He leaned forward before Golden had a chance to stop him.

“Wait!” Golden cried out, but it was already too late. There was a squeaking sound, then the Minator moved his head backwards, now with a cranky cub attached to it.

“Ha!” He said his voice slightly muffled from a mouth full of feathers. “A feisty one I see, a true heir of the night princess as I live and breathe.”

“It most certainly isn’t, I have no such feist!” Luna snapped, in a tone of voice that didn’t help her cause.

“Are you okay?” Silver asked, wincing.

“Haha, no, I’m actually in tremendous pain.” He said with a smile, “but you have to let the little ones have their fun.” With a gentleness that Golden didn’t expect from such a giant frame, he lifted her off him by the scruff of her neck with two fingers. The cub in question blinked a few times then giggled.

“I’m so sorry, she does that sometimes.” Golden said, though by sometimes, she meant all the time.

He shrugged his massive shoulders as he smiled at the little princess. “Well a healthy cub is bound to do those things. Winder was the same way when he came here. Always leaping at things, it’s how they play.” He said gently placing the cub back into the pram.

“Winder?” Golden asked,

“The groundskeeper. He’s been in this manor nearly twenty years now.” He nodded towards the back of the stately home. “I hate to admit it, the manor itself has fallen on hard times. But the garden still rivals any of the land. Even Buckley manor, those self righteous low life scoundrels that they are,” he said, turning towards the horizon, “Yes, you’ll get yours someday,” he muttered, eyes narrowed to slits as he stared into the distance.

Golden and Silver shared a puzzled glance at one another. Mutually agreeing without speaking that it was best not to ask.

“Oh simply astounding, yet more griffons, there goeth the neighbourhood.” Luna groaned. “Might as well sell the property now, no getting rid of them once they’ve nested in.” She said, shaking her head at the sorry state of it all.

Iron Hoof turned away from whatever vendetta he had been muttering about and bowed deeply once more. “Where are my manners, please your grace, right this way.” He said moving with a proffered hand, guiding them towards the ancient weather worn doors.

The Inside of the manor was not much better than the outside. The floorboards didn’t so much creak as ominously threaten to cave in with a great groan. Ancient spiderwebs dangled from all four corners of the cavernous entrance, hanging like tapestries. Dust lay as thick as carpets under and over the furniture, almost pulsating. What had once been gold furnishings had turned a faint sickly orange colour. It said a lot to Golden that somehow even the gold had begun to rust.

She pushed the stroller forward and nearly jumped bodily backwards when she saw four long, thin chitinous legs the size as a large dog curl backwards into one of the webbed masses.

“I sincerely apologise for the lack of upkeep ma’am.” Iron Hoof said knowingly. “I’m afraid it’s only me looking after the manor. We’ve had a devil of a time trying to find good help since Lord Snap Case.”

“Who?” Luna asked.

“The old proprietor of the property.” He said, “the manor was given to him to care for by your sister as a reward for his years of patriotic support. But unfortunately he lost his fortune and sanity down the years and last year he disappeared without a trace, and with it went the upkeep of the manor.” He sighed.

“I was unaware that the manor had changed hooves?” Luna said, “what happened?”

“Strangest thing really?” Iron Hoof said scratching at his chin with an idle finger. “No one is quite sure, some of the local villagers blame the ghost that haunted the house for generations. Others on the supposed Zebra burial ground under the floorboards.”

“G-Ghosts?” Golden said, glancing around nervously.

“But my money is on Lord Snap Case's rampant obsession with collecting occult objects from all over the world. I tried to tell him, I said sir you can never just stop at one, everyone knows once you start you can’t stop collecting ancient powerful artefacts, but did he listen?” Iron shook his head sadly. “Now I’m afraid the basement’s positively flooded with the damn things.”

“That, or perhaps it’s the fact that old Snap Case also never learned that you're supposed to go under twenty one in Blackjack.” Silver whispered knowingly to Luna.

“It’s all a sorry state really.” Iron continued, “I’ve tried to do all I could, but I’m getting old and there’s only so much these hands can clean.” He said with a dejected sigh.

Luna walked over, placing a wing over his shoulder. Which took an effort considering he was three feet taller than her and three times as wide. “Do not worry about a thing my good bull. We have highly skilled maids for just such a problem.” She gently guided him towards another room. “You leave that to them, We have more pressing matters.” She leaned in conspiratorially. “Can we ask you a question, do you fence Mr. Hoof?”

The old Minatorian blinked, then slowly nodded, “Of course your grace, national sport of my homeland, I practice every day for two hours, helps keep my wits about me.”

For the first time in over a week, Golden saw Luna give a genuine smile, “Ahh, I thought as much, we think you and I are going to get along famously, my good bull.” She said, leading him away from the group.

Golden watched them go, thankful at least that the princess had been distracted. She hadn’t been too comfortable around her lately, what with being threatened into a pit of snakes by said Alicorn not more than two days beforehand.

Silver turned to the retinue. “Okay everyone, we know our jobs, guards secure the area, maids…” he turned to watch a dust bunny the size of a tumbleweed roll past the group. “Eh, good luck.”

As if in cue one of the maids, a stallion with half a cigar burning in the corner of his mouth stepped forwards. Armed with a scar across his cheek and a frilly attire complete with a bonnet and pink bow he gazed at the rank and file of the maids, “alright you heard em fillies, pick your weapons.”

Golden watched as he lay out an assortment of feather dusters, brooms, mops and other cleaning devices. “I won’t lie to you mares,” he said, pacing up and down the line of stoic maids, “this mission is like nothing we’ve ever faced before.” He eyed the room like a general surveying a battlefield.

The mare's faces were all set with grim determination as they nodded in unison. “Some of you might not make it,” he continued, “but I just want to say, it’s been an honour to mop and brush by your sides.” He turned, blowing smoke ominously out the other corner of his mouth then took a deep breath. “Glory to the first maid to fall!” He roared and all as one they charged into the heart of darkness.

Golden watched them go, feeling like she should do something. “Umm Uncle, what do you want me to do?”

He turned back to her as if he just reminded she was there, “Oh Golden, yes um, perhaps you could take our little princess around the garden for a while, come back in an hour” he grimaced as a maid tackled a swarm of dust bunnies bodily. “Maybe two.”

“Don’t you want me to help clean up?” She looked at the other maids. Most of whom were savaging the spider webs and monstrously gelatinous dust balls that seemed, despite all evidence to the contrary, to be fighting back.

“Hmm?” Silver said, turning back again, “oh um, I don’t think that will be wise.” He said slowly. “We need all experienced hooves on deck here. Code red, you understand right, Golden? Besides, you’re much better at looking after the princess.”

She wanted to protest, but she could read between the lines of what he was really saying, you're less trouble looking after the princess.

“Yes uncle.” She said dejectedly. Just another acknowledgment that she was in the wrong line of work.

Slowly, she pushed the stroller back towards the doors. Ducking forlornly under a maid who was thrown back by a spider the size of a small Labrador that hissed at her menacingly.

“Ha, I’ve tackled bed bugs worse than you before breakfast, come get some bug boy!” She gave a roar that would have made a Valkyrie blush, clutching a feather duster like a dagger as she dived boldly at the arachnid.

Slowly, somberly, Golden shut the door behind her.

“Come on little princess, you have to eat something!” Golden slumped down by the side of the water fountain gently rocking the little Griffon in her hooves. She pushed the bottle towards her beak only for the lioness to push it away with a mewing protest.

“It’ll make you grow up big and strong.” She cooed to the cub. Though the idea of the lioness getting any stronger or faster was a frankly terrifying concept.

She sighed as the lioness pushed it away again and set the bottle down on the stone of the fountain rim. Just one more thing she was failing at.

Was this going to be her life, botching up one job after another? The only thing she was good for was the one thing she had no passion for at all. She glanced down at her cutie mark and sighed.

Trying to distract herself from her current predicament, she gazed around the gardens of the manor. Huge primrose bushes of almost every colour were lined around the width of the old disused fountain like a wall of vegetation. Whoever cared for it had truly gone the extra mile, not a leaf was out of place.

“Glad to see some pony out there’s found their calling.” She muttered to herself.

“Har du det bra?” Asked a voice directly by her ear.

Golden screamed, nearly launching the cub in the air as she flung herself from the bench. She stumbled backwards over the lip of the fountain. her back hit against the statue of the broken alicorn.

Something burbled ominously in the pipe inside it. Golden froze as she glanced behind her. The rumbling filled her mind with the image of a bowling ball being pushed through a straw.

The statue began to vibrate violently, then suddenly… it stopped.

Golden caught her breath, glanced at the lioness who was still in her hooves and gazed back at the voice.

The figure that had scared her was looming over the fountain edge. Its face was covered in a protective bees hive netting obscuring its features in shadow. Its legs were covered by two long thick gloves and ragged boots worn and tattered.

“Don’t you know how dangerous it is to scare a mare when she’s holding a cub. This thing is fully loaded you know!” She said holding up the cub who held her talons up towards the stranger making a grabbing motion.

The stranger cocked its head eerily slowly to one side, towering over them. Golden wasn’t a small mare, but the stranger still easily had a hoof or two over her. Well used muscles flexed under grey fur and mud. Golden glanced at the ominous figure, unmoving and unresponsive.

Suddenly Iron Hoof’s words about curses and occult ghosts didn’t seem that silly anymore.

“W-who are you?” She asked the imposing figure, it breathed ominously behind the fabric mesh of the helm.
It seemed to ignore her question and instead turned back towards the bottle, and opened the top.

“H-Hey, that’s not yours!” She said as the figure brought the bottle up to the mesh around its face, sniffed it and then, much to Golden's astonishment, began to walk away with it.

She scrambled upright instantly. “H-hey get back here!” The little cub wrangled in her hooves as if even she couldn't believe the audacity of it.

Stealing milk for a baby, even for a ghost that was low! Golden slid back up to her hooves and followed the apparition as it moved through the garden.

Leaving the stroller she sprinted out towards it, only catching glimpses as she passed the tall walls of cut hedges.

Whatever it was, it knew the maze of bushes inside and out. She turned a corner just in time to see the figure strolling down a pair of rickety cellar doors and into a basement below the manor. “Hey I’m talking to you, do you know who this cub belongs to? You’re in big trouble mister!”

Her response was the cellar doors slamming shut.

She raced forward, pulled the handles back and stared downwards towards the black abyss below. Water dripped forbiddingly from the ceiling, pooling by the slimy stairs that lead into blackness. The only light was an ominous red glow somewhere in the distance which was somehow worse than total darkness.

She thought about cutting her losses then and there. But what was she going to tell her uncle? ‘Sorry I lost the princess milk and bottle because some ghost snatched it and walked down into some creepy hideout.’ As if he would believe an excuse like that…again.

He’d probably give her that knowing smile and pat her on the back. He would be understanding and he would have that look in his eye that would say, she did the best she could given what she was.

Golden but her lip, glanced down at the caller and then at the hatchling nestled in her foreleg, “if anything happens go for the face okay.” She whispered to the cub who simply giggled in reply.

Slowly, she walked down the moss and bracken covered stairs. Below her she could hear the clinking of glasses and a tuneless humming ricocheting off the walls.

Golden eyes adjusted to the sanguine red of the light. It took her a moment to see what was making it. Or rather, which of the many were making it.

All around the basement lay a motley collection of ancient and ominous items. Like a junk yard sale for the possibly deranged and definitely evil. Skulls and spiked balls lined the walls, books flapped open and hissed when she moved too close to them. An Onyx lock box levitated on a pedestal, surrounded by chains and began to glow an even darker shade of red as she passed.

She gulped, clutching the little princess against her chest. Why did these types of things always happen to her? Why couldn’t it just be a regularly haunted old cellar in a mansion. She winced as something moved in the shadows.

It was the stranger, its forelegs moved up and snatched a single jar from a shelf. A collection of what must have been hundreds of jars and beakers each containing white, green and yellow powders, dried fungi, roots and other items Golden couldn’t make out surrounded an ancient workbench it was huddled over.

She watched him, as the ghoulish figure took out a table spoon and began to mix some brown powder into the princess bottle.

Despite herself Golden yelled out, “Caught you red hoofed.” She strode forward, anger and tiredness taking over her fear. “Attempting to poison a princess in the act, you just wait until the guards hear about this, ghost or no your in deep now.” The figure froze, then slowly turned to face her. They stared at one another, well she stared, whatever it might have had for eyes where still hidden behind the mask of netting.

She gulped as it moved almost silently towards her. Only then did she notice that it had something in its arms, a pair of garden shears.

All at once Golden realised she probably should have stayed silent. She turned, moving backwards, “stay away, I’ll, I’ll” but before she could finish thinking of a threat something caught her leg.

The figure lunged at her, “Vente!”

But it was too late, something engulfed her. A heavy cloth covered her vision and she screamed. There was a swearing sound and she found herself struggling against what had engulfed her.

“Help, I’m being kidnapped!” She screamed. Coughing at the dust that was filling her mouth and eyes. She struggled for a few frantic moments, then shee felt something tug at the other side and suddenly she could see light again.

Slowly through the haze and water in her eyes she looked up from her back to see the figure standing over her.

Not a ghost, but…another Griffon?

“Are you well, little pony?” It, or rather he asked.

Rubbing the dust from her face she caught sight of sky blue eyes staring down at her.

“You're not a ghost?” Golden said, in the tone of voice that was trying to be reasonable while madness was breaking down the door with a cleaver.

“Not since last I check?” The now very obvious griffon in front of her answered.

“What just happened?” She asked.

“I trying to warn you, thought you spoke Griffonian, you walk backwards into mirror and snag paw on canvas cover. It fell on you.”

“Oh…” she stared back at the moth-eaten canvas cloth on the floor. That made more sense now that she thought about it. Though that still left a lingering question.

“Oh heck, where’s the princess!?” She said, getting up and glancing around the room.

On cue little white and brown plumes of feathers popped out from behind the large grey griffons head. Black eyes sparkling in the red light glowing light.

“Hatchlings like to ride up top.” He said knowingly as the little princess chirped excitedly, flapping her tiny wings.

Golden shook the stars from her eyes and snatched the princess from the top of the strange Griffon. “Wait a minute, don’t think I forgot, I saw you put something in her drink.”

“Yes.” He said without hesitation.

“Ahah, not even going to deny it, conscience weighing heavy already?” She glared at him, “I don’t know where you get off dressing like a ghost and scaring ponies and trying to put poison in baby bottles!”

“Not poison, protein.” He said laconically.

“Call it whatever you want, you're going away for a long time!”

“It help her grow.” He said with a carefree smile on his face, “protein.” He said with a helpful nod.

“Protein, what’s that, some kind of Griffon word for poison, I ain’t falling for it buddy.” She watched as the Griffon moved back to the brown jar, took a claw and moved it into the dust, then put a trace of it into his beak.

“Pony food not enough for growing Griffon.” He nodded sagely. Golden watched him for a long moment, waiting for him to start frothing at the mouth and collapse. But instead he held the bottle out to her with a gentle smile.

She took it conspiratorially eyeing the contents. Nothing seemed to bubble ominously from the top and it didn’t smell any different from the regular milk they had used.

Maybe being around Princess Luna for so long was starting to make her paranoid.

“Okay, maybe it’s not poison,” she said slowly, “but I’m going to try it and make sure.” The Griffon seemed indifferent about the matter.

The milk tasted no different, warm from the magically heated bottle, a slightly earthy taste to it, which was probably this so-called protein. All in all it wasn’t actually that bad. Didn’t taste poisonous to Golden anyway.

“Very good yes?” He said with a nod, “I pick and grind fresh from soil.”

“What is it, some kind of plant?” She took another tiny sip, the taste was just strangely moreish.

“Earthworm.” He said smiling.

Golden's eyes bundled and she spat the contents out. Nearly throwing the bottle in the process. The grey Griffon snatched the bottle and the cub fearing Golden would fall again.

Golden gagged as she tried to scrap her tongue with a hoof. The Griffon shrugged and offered the milk back up towards the cub who sniffed it, then, eyes widening, made a grabbing lotion for the bottle.

He smiled, placing the nipple back into the bottle and watched as the cub latched into it sucking down the contents greedily.

“Fields above, why?” Golden wailed at life in general.

“Not to everyone’s taste.” The griffons said knowingly, “my bror Thorfin like crickets, but he always fussy.”

“Is it safe?” Golden asked, still a shade of green.

“Oh yes.” He said, “my dear mor would feed to me daily, high in protein, make strong, you do not feed your cub this no?” He asked.

“She’s not mine, she’s Princess Luna’s daughter.” Golden said, finally able to catch her breath. She offered out her hoof. The Griffon handed her back the cub, who let go of the bottle only to burp loudly before going back to it hungrily.

“Ahh, what is name of her?”

“Well…” That was a damn good question actually. Golden blinked for a moment, looking down at the Griffon who was now pecking at the bottle tip. “Her mother’s, um…a little picky with the names.” She probably couldn’t decide between rodent chaser or flea bag. “She’s not decided. But I’m thinking of calling her-”

She baulked as the Griffon put her claws over her lips. “Hey!” She protested, moving back, “watch it buddy, I don’t even know your name.”

“Winder.” he said casually, “Pony should not name cub, hatchlings imprint on mothers with names, is very bad luck to name her before mother does.”

“Oh,” Golden blinked, looking down at the cub again who was now swaying her tail happily, her eyelids growing heavy once again. There was so little she actually knew about griffons or their culture.

Slowly once the bottle was finished, she placed the little princess on her back. She seemed to sit nicely there. Her claws gripped the fur as she lay her little head on the base of her mane and slowly started to close her eyes.

“Is there a manual with you guys?” She said in a joking fashion.

“I do not think so.” He said looking down in thought, “every pride different.”

“Boy it would help, if you did have one then Bob's your uncle.” She said with a soft chuckle.

“My uncle is Gelert Sternclaw.” He said with a confused look.

“Um, No I just meant that it would be easier.” She said slowly.

“So I must write this book, to ease you all because Gelert Sternclaw is my uncle?”

Golden gave him a deadpan glare, “You’re… very literal aren’t you?”

“Sorry, I am not used to jokes and metaphors or pony sayings. I was how you say, born without a funny bone.”

Golden blinked, “luckily you, my whole body is a funny bone.” Golden said sardonically, “you are welcome to take some of mine.”

“Sadly it would not work,” he tapped his head, “it’s up here.” He tapped his head, “I can’t visualise humour. I think it was because both my parents were inventors.”

Golden stared at him for a long moment and then said. “Oh by the way, My name is Golden Brightnose Boffo Smile.”

“Greetings.” He said, extending his claw and showing not an ounce of a smile.

Okay so maybe he was telling the truth. She’d never met another creature who didn’t snigger at her unfortunate name.

She deflated slightly. “Yeah, lucky that’s me, Just call me Lucky Larry.”

“But I thought your name was-“ the words died on his beak as a flash of ethereal light made them both turn. Golden caught sight of what the cloth canvas had been covering, it was an enormous mirror, its surface radiating and rippling with magic.

She took a step backwards as it flashed blinding bright and then all of a sudden Golden was staring at a red stallion. One who was walking through an alleyway.

“What the heck?” Golden muttered to herself.

“Oh hey a bit!” The stallion in the mirror said, bending down. As he did so, a lead pipe missed his head by inches and hit the wall. The figure holding it, wearing a balaclava, staggered forwards.

“Four!” Another voice screamed somewhere in the distance. A golf ball went over the bent red stallion's head and hit the mugger square on the forehead. He went down like a sack of bricks.

“Wow, what a lucky find.” The red stallion said examining the coin and continued on completely oblivious to everything.

Golden blinked, then turned away from the mirror and towards Winder, “Who is that?”

“I guess, this is Lucky Larry.”

“What?” Golden said.

“Is magic mirror. Lord Snap Case’s prize possession, before he went mad.” He gestured towards the strange items dotted around the basement.

“If it was his most prized possession, why did he leave it down here?” Golden asked, gazing back towards the mirror.

“I do not question the mad.” Winder said sagely.

“So, what does the mirror do?”

“It shows your reflection.”

“No, not the mirror part, the magic mirror bit.”

“It finds things and shows them to you.” He shrugged

Golden bulked, “What, anything?”

“Within reason.” He said, “I had seen Snap Case use it once or twice, to find the great mysteries of the universe and his house keys.”

Golden gazed back at the mirror, “Can I…try it?”

Winder shrugged. “Not mine.”

“Um… okay then, magic mirror show me, Silver Tongue.”

The mirror flashed and then all of a sudden her uncle appeared. He was shuffling papers around a desk. In the background what looked like a large tentacle monster made of dirt, detritus and dust at least three stories tall roared and flung a maid from its back.

Its giant tentacles lashed around in the air as it demolished a wall. Another maid, this one with the cigar in its mouth, clawed his way from behind its head and shoved a bottle of what looked like bleach into its fanged maw.

“Hey dust.” He growled, throwing the cigar into the dust monster's mouth, “get busted!” and leaped off. There was a pause as orange balls of fire flowed inside of the monster's stomach, then the window exploded with grey slime.

Her uncle frowned at the ripples in his tea cup from the vibrations of the explosion, glanced around, shrugged, then went back to his papers.

Golden sat there mouth wide open, “It actually worked.”

“Indeed, I am surprised, I did not think bleach alone could explode.” Winder said curiously.

“Not that,” she said, “I mean the mirror, she turned back to it with a smile, “Um, okay, Princess Celestia.”

Again the mirror shifted in an unfathomable light of magic.

A large white Alicorn sat in her study. She placed another scroll against a mountain of others and sighed. Then after looking around for a moment, produced a bottle of wine and a large iron goblet.

She poured it into a glass and brought it to her lips.

“Princess Celestia, come quick something’s happened!” Someone screamed banging on her door.

Celestia spat out the contents of red wine all over her muzzle. She blinked several times then lowered her head onto the desk and started banging it against the wood.

“This is amazing.” Golden said slowly moving towards the mirror, small beads of lighting humming from its rippling surface which seemed to draw closer towards her hoof. Winder moved fast, slapping her hoof away.

“Ouch, what did you do that for?!” Golden yelled.

“Mirror is occult magic, ancient magic, if you touch, there would be no telling what will happen, might take you place, no telling where, or when even.”

“Oh…Right, that sounds bad.” She glanced again at the mirror. Above her the cub gave what sounded like a hummingbird’s snore (3). Golden glanced up at her then at the griffon.

“Could it…find her real patients?” Golden asked.

“If you know their names?” He said

“I…don’t.” She said with a sigh. Shaking her head, oh well it was worth a shot at least. “All I know is her um, what do you call it, pride name, Novabane, does that ring a bell?”

“I do not have a bell?” He answered.

The mirror flashed a brilliant shade of blue as lights danced off of Golden's features, it spun until it landed in the middle of a Forest. Golden leaned forwards squinting, which was probably what saved her life. She felt something skim her mane and wedge into the wall just above her.

It took her a moment to understand what she was looking at. As she stared at the long wooden stick vibrating, feathers coming out of the end.

Lucky for her, Winder seemed to know almost immediately, he grabbed her from behind and dragged her back behind the workbench.

Golden “What’s going-“ but didn’t get any further because for the second time that day she was staring at another mysterious figure coming down the basement.

Another one came after. This one huge, almost the size of princess Luna and as wide as Iron Hoof. The small one grabbed a hold of something the giants was holding and lowered it with effort.

It whispered harshly in a language she could barely hear or understand towards the hulking behemoth. Who muttered something back, although by my muttering, it was more like shouting but with a filter on.

She managed to unglue her gaze from the two figures and towards Winder who lifted a single talon from her mouth and moved it up towards his beak.

Golden didn’t have to ask what that gesture meant she already knew the answer.

There was more noise as the two figures seemed to search through the basement, knocking over the artefacts as they went.

The smaller one, took a step forward in their direction. Inching closer towards the cabinet that Golden and Winder were hiding, Golden held her breath, praying that this was not the moment her comedic curse would strike.

The shadowy figure peered in through the jars and Golden was sure it was looking right at her. But before it could lock eyes with her, a long haunting whistle permeated through the basement from somewhere outside.

Both of them moved together. They crept back up the stairs and out of view. Golden felt a pain in her chest. Realised she hadn’t been breathing in over a minute and exhaled.

“Who were they?” She asked, long after she heard their steps vanish off into the distance.

“Trouble.” Winder said solemnly.

“Thanks captain literal, I mean do you know them?”

The Griffon shook his head. “No, but they seemed to know her,” he said, pointing towards the sleeping lioness.

“How can you tell?”

Winder turned and looked at her solemnly, “They said the phrase, find the cub.”

“Oh,” Golden blinked, staring back towards the arrow embedded three inches into solid wood, one that had only been two inches from her face and muttered. “So much for a quiet vacation.”

Author's Note

(1) This staunch uniformity was implemented by the duchess of Manechester shortly after she took command of the Canterlot guard. In order to establish an easier bond between nobleman and custodian and to improve moral, she made white fur compulsory on duty and replaced all names and rankings with “I say, you there (one)” and “have at him old chap (two) and “my good man, after him (three)” in that ranking. It goes without saying the guards themselves had no say in the matter.

(2) A lot of ponies think that Minatorian language is just a nomenclature of moos. But I’m fact there’s is a lot of nuances and poetry to their language, take for example the popular phrase, moo grunt short: Im gonna to bash your head in! Or Grunt moo snort: I’m gonna to bash your goghalog head in! Or even, snort moo moo stamp: The economic state of this country is really on the downward spiral ever since the last election and I’m going to tell you all about it as I bash your goghalog head in.
(Goghalog: a type of soft passion fruit)---(3) Humming Birds snore

A Discordant Night.

Most ponies would not believe that pigeons are spiritual creatures. But pigeons are one of the most pious creatures on Eques.

They believe that if they’ve lived the life of a perfect pigeon, which is to say, cooing sufficiently loudly whilst ponies tried to sleep. Nest on only the most important statues in any given land and excreted on others whilst they wore their Sunday best. Then they will earn a place on the Great Blue Perch. Which they would be carried to by the great talons of the messenger.

Currently one of them was praying on the side of the old manor near the tree it had been nesting in, sending droplets of the divine down onto a spiky horned creatures in a black suit, which cursed angrily.

It pecked idly at one of the loosened tiles wondering where it was going to find its next meal. Then suddenly out of the sky something fell onto its head. It flapped its wings, flew backwards and cocked its head towards the ground.

A fluffy piece of what smelt like corn was slowly rolling down the tile. Idly it pecked at the thing, as was taught by the great white dove, “all-eth thingy’s shouldeth be pecked-eth at lest-eth three timeys as is right-eth and proper.” which meant everything, even rocks, train platforms and other pigeons.

Then having pecked sufficiently, it tasted something it could not quite fathom. The pigeon pecked again and swallowed.

What little synapses of intelligence its brain occupied flooded with euphoria as the taste of this exploded corn, this banged grain as it had decided to call it hit its taste buds.

Even as it was pecking it, the pigeon wondered if it would ever taste anything quite so sweet again. When suddenly the sky rained with banged grain.

The pigeon could hardly believe its luck. Twisting its head up to the sky to give thanks to the Great Perch it noticed a cloud just above it on the roof, a scaly tail and fluffy paw was dangling lazily from one side of it.

It started up in wonderment. Surely this was the Great Talon of the messenger, it had come down from the cloud and bestowed a bit of feed from the very Perch.

If the pigeon was capable of higher contemplation, it would have noticed that this was different to all the other stories of the great talon. This usually happened out of nowhere, grabbing you mid-flight in a flurry of screeching feathers and blinking confusion and dragging you off, presumably to the Great Perch, though strangely, no pigeon could actually confirm this to date.

But that didn’t matter, what was important was that it told all the flock. It would tell all the tale of the talon’s appearance and the exploded corn. The pigeon took off, ready to preach to its flock to create a schism in the orthodoxy and start a cult that would last a thousand clutches. But then it spotted a worm crawling out from a pile of leaves and took off after that instead.

Pigeons after all, are not the brightest of creatures.

Meanwhile in the less important world of pigeon deities, the emissary of the Great Perch, also known as Discord or “The avatar of chaos and disharmony, the reckoning of peace and tranquility,” to his friends, was having one of his best days yet.

He stuffed another paw into the popcorn bag and barely had a second to chew, before it came spilling out in a fit of giggles and belly laughter. As he glanced down at the show below him.

This little plan was turning out to be one for the books alright. He would have to save a whole page, maybe even two for his scrap book of chaos, heck maybe even a collage?

Even he couldn’t believe it was still going. He had thought when those abominable sisters had finally had that little talk, that would be the end of all his fun.

But somehow they’d agreed to the idea? Somehow that stubborn mule of a mare had actually convinced that other stubborn mule to look after the little cub she hated.

It was like they had wanted to keep this going as much as he did. The best part was, they had been so busy dealing with their own mess they hadn’t even bothered to find or come after him. He thought for sure the moth was pushing it a little too far. But no one was even the wiser.

He had to admit, begrudgingly of course and if anyone else ever found out he would deny it. But this ‘patie-‘ this ‘patien-‘ sigh, this ‘waiting around instead of doing something.’ was actually working out!

But that wasn’t even the best part. The best part was that he had not even thought about all the other little branches of chaos that had grown from the trunk of it all.

Speaking of which, he was missing the show.

“Uncle I’m telling you, there were these strange figures in the basement, they shot at me with some strange wooden thing.” The pony with the clown make up and frilly maid outfit whined.

“Sorry, was this before or after you met the ghost that turned out to be the grounds keeper and followed him into a cryptic basement full of, what was it? Magical occult items?” The fat, but Discord had to admit, impeccably well dressed pony asked incredulously.

“Uncle, you're doing it again.” She said somehow managing to scowl through those bright red lips.

“What?”

“You have your ‘I’m trying to pretend I believe you, but actually I think you're lying through your teeth’ client voice on.”

Discord watched the fat pony chins formed into a frown, it was like watching sheets of snow collapsing down the side of a mountain, “I don't have that voice, do I have that voice?” He asked rhetorically. “Look Golden, I think we’ve all just had a very long day, why don’t you take a break, I’m informed that the rooms are ready now, why don’t you go take a nap.”

The clown stamped her hoof on the ground, making a sound of a rubber ball. “I’m telling the truth uncle, there’s something not right with this place.”

“Okay then Golden, tell me where they are, where did they go?”

The mare raised her hoof as if to point out the direction then deflated slightly and said, “I…don’t know.”

“And where is this gardener you met?” The fat one said, raising his brow questioningly.

“He took off somewhere… but he said he’d be back.” She added hesitantly.

Discord watched the sharp dressed stallion nod sagely. “Look Golden, my dear I think-”

“-Your doing it again, you’re going to lie to me and say everything is fine aren’t you?”

“Golden?!” He said in a slightly hurt tone, “when have I ever lied to you?”

“Yestur-“

“-Metaphorically speaking,” he added quickly, “look, if it puts your mind at ease, I’ll ask the guards if they can put in an extra patrol, now did you put the princess to bed?”

“I…yes.” The clown said dejectedly.

“Good, then let’s just put a pin in it today and tomorrow we can have a look at this basement and these strange sightings, I promise.”

“But…okay uncle.” She said sagging like a deflated whoopee cushion.

“Relax, Golden let me handle things,” he said, patting her on the back, “Honestly you act like the very clouds are waiting to strike.”

Discord couldn’t help it he let out another laugh.

“Did you hear that?” The impeccably dressed, rotund one said, glancing upwards suspiciously.

“What?” The clown said dejectedly.

The stallion gazed around frantically then smiled uneasily. “Nothing, it just sounds like someone’s been laughing at me all day.”

“Welcome to my world.” She answered, sullenly trotting back towards the mansion.

Discord watched them go, then fell backwards into the cloud once more, sighing contently. “Ah, it’s like my birthday and the apocalypse all rolled into one.” What a lovely week it had been.

But even through his giant pink sunglasses he could make out the moon creating the horizon. Signaling the end of a day, but more importantly to Discord, the end of fun.

Damn and he was just getting comfortable too. He had found the right cloud, the right camouflage, got his chips, dips and assortment of fizzy drinks and was settled in to binge through the latest ‘ponies do the stupidest things’ season seven thousand. But now he would have to sit through the twelve hour commercial break called night time.

Now what was he going to do?

“Stop being defeatist Discord,”

Discord blinked, then glanced around.

“Down here boss.” He glanced down at his shoulder as another tiny version of himself materialised. “There has to be something going on right?”

“Oh, hello me, no it’s no use, these ponies and their intolerable sleep.”

The little him nodded sagely, “Well, maybe instead of whining, we should be proactive?”

“I can’t, I made a…” he swallowed a bit of bile, “promise.”

“We did, really!?” Little Discord said, taken aback slightly, “well…let’s have a look around, there’s always chaos out there somewhere, you have to be proactive as well you know.”

“Yeah.” Discord said slowly, flicking off his sunglasses “You’re right!” He sat up straight, brow furrowed in determination, “gosh me, you really know how to cheer me up.”

“It’s what I pay me for.” He said with a hopeful smile.

Discord paused and glanced pointedly downwards. “Pay? Who said anything about pay!”

“Hey we got rights, we have a wife and six kids to feed.”

“Sounds like a you problem.” Discord said, flicking the tiny version off his shoulder, as he grinned manically. Yes, waiting had its purpose it seemed. But there were times when a proactive measure was needed.

Perhaps that was inconsistent from what he was just thinking before, Discord hoped so.

He took off from the cloud, flying across the garden. What had that clown been talking about, ghosts with arrows or something? Well if that was the case he had to find out where they were, he wanted a piece of that action.

It didn’t take him long, only a few minutes into his flight he spotted something moving towards the back of the manor. Two figures dressed in hoods. Each of them skulking through the undergrowth, ducking and just narrowly dodging out of sight of the guards posted around them.

Discord fanged smile gleamed in the moonlit night, bingo. There was only one thing that strange figures at twilight wearing hoods would be up to and if that was the case, he wanted in.

He might have thought it strange that just by chance he had conveniently happened to find them. But Discord was the type of…well he wasn’t quite sure what he was really, but whatever that was, he was the type that always saw the funny side of life.

You had to see the funny side of things, it was either that or go sane. Who would want to be that, he had seen what so called sane creatures did, they were nuts! War, taxes, lawyers…You had to be truly crazy to call yourself sane and still think those were a good idea.

He followed them inside, becoming one with the shadows. The smaller cloaked figure was trying and failing to pick at a lock against the back entrance. Discord rolled his eyes as he glanced at a patrolling guard who was just about to turn the corner and spot them.

“Must I do everything?” He asked, and was about to snap open the door himself, when the larger one shouldered the smaller one aside and bent the large metal handle inwards. Using only his arms.

Discord blinked, “Well, someone’s been drinking their milk.” He mused to himself as the two scurried in.

Sweeping through the halls, he watched as the two covertly stuck to the shadows, ducking behind furniture and into the shadows, away from passing guards and the occasional maid.

Periodically they opened doors, seemingly at random, but despite the huge one having a large sack over its shoulder neither one of them were stealing anything.

Not that there was anything to steal, any price of value in this wretched manor was long past its sell by date. Discord could have bought everything in there with the lint and candy in his pocket, and still had enough lint to eat after.

The answer came rather suddenly when they turned the corner and stopped, Craning their necks around the bend, they glanced furtively towards the room at the far end of the hall.

At the other end two guards stood stoically in front of a door. A door Discord recognised almost instantly.

“Oh this is getting better and better.” He said watching as one of the griffons took something from their robes. A sort of flat bow with a handle on it and slotted an arrow into it.

“Nei” he whispered harshly. “Ikke her.”

Discord frowned, then turned his ear like a dial,

“Bzzz”

“-No.”

“The person you are trying to reach is unable to take your-.”

“-No.”

“Congratulations on being our one thousandth caller, just enter your credit card details to win big-”

“-Not falling for that one again, Aha wait, there it is!”

His ear spun round until it locked into place and finally set itself on the language of those two figures. The harsh sounding syllables of the figures turned from noise into words turning from, griffonian to eques.

“Don’t.” The griffon said, moving the bow away.

“Why?” The large one rumbled.

“Because you miss all the time, you almost got us caught half an hour ago.” The smaller griffon growled.

“What do we do then?” The other one who despite whispering might as well have been attached to a fog horn asked.

Discord watched the figures exchanging words to one another when something in the window caught his gaze.

But before he could even lift his fingers, there was the sound like a bowstring being loosened and something jammed into the backside of one of the guards.

“Ouch!?” The first guard who had been struck in the rump yelped.

“Shh.” The other older pony growled

“Something just bit me?” He said, craning his neck to his backside.

“What part of shh do you not understand?” The other growled again.

“I’m serious, hey is that… oh my god I’ve been poisoned!”

“Listen sonny i’ve been in the game too long to fall for the old. "I've been poisoned by a dart trick,’ you think I was born yesterday, you ain't getting out of night duty again, just shut up and stand still.”

“I don’t feel so…”

“Nice try, I’m still not-” The older one finally turned as his fellow guard clashed to the floor, “-what the heck?!”

Before the guard had time to look around, the large griffon moved, faster than Discord thought something that size could move. It lifted up his massive foreleg and brought it down on the helm of the older guard. He stood there, as the sound of metal rang through the halls like the bell of a boxing match, then slowly the older guard collapsed onto his partner like a plank of wood.

“Idiot l told you to keep it down.” The smaller one whispered harshly, though that was hardly needed now.

“I did, I didn’t yell any battle cries or nothing.”

“That’s not what I, bloody heck, let’s just get going.” He growled, opening the door to the room.

Discord would have chuckled at the sight of that. Slapstick was an underrated part of the chaos family. But at that moment he wasn’t paying attention to them. His gaze was still fixed towards the open window at the far end. He caught a figure in the distance moving away.

He had not even seen the third one, if it hadn’t been the glint of metal reflecting off that dart. He would not have even known he was there.

Something about that made him feel strange, like someone had played a trick on him instead of the other way around. He was not a person who appreciated being the but of the jokes, it was damn unprofessional for one thing and he was still gunning for the employee of the century.

True, he was the only employee and also the C.E.O. But that was no reason to slack off!

He turned, glancing back towards the two ponies on the ground. It didn’t look fatal, but when they woke up they would both probably wish they were.

Discord slipped through the door; the room itself wasn't much better than the others, old decrepit, practically macabre. It looked more like a crypt than a bedroom. But instead of a coffin in the middle of the room, there was a small soft navy blue crib, a tiny crescent moon painted on the front.

“There she is, finally.” The small hooded figure growled.

“What do we do now?” The larger one rumbled.

“Stuff her in the bag and let’s go.”

“Okay…” he said, then hesitated, “wait, what?”

“Put her in the bag.” The smaller said slowly.

“But she’s a cub?”

“It’ll only be for a minute.”

“Shouldn’t I make holes in it first or somin?”

“What?” The smaller griffon scoffed, “She’ll bloody fall out.”

“But… mum always told me, ‘Ulf don’t put others in bags.’” He said slowly.

“That’s oddly specific?” The smaller one said, “And what did she say about hittin’ ponies round the ‘ead so hard they ring like gongs?” The other asked incredulously.

“Oh she was fine with that.” He said puffing up his chest with pride, “she always said ‘Ulf hitting others is all you’ll ever be good for.’”

“…Huh, that would almost be sad, if you didn’t know any better.” The other one said, shaking his head, “Just, give it ‘ere.” He snatched the bag from the meaty claws of the other griffon.

Discord watched them move towards the crib. He glanced at the bag then at the sleeping cub. For a moment he thought about leaving it at that. This all seemed suitably chaotic for his liking.

But as he turned to leave he felt himself grimacing. Something inside his chest gave a sort of twisting feeling, like the time he had eaten a thousand ghost peppers on a dare. But somehow it was worse.

“Oh no,” he said slowly, “not this again.” He’d felt that feeling before, after he had betrayed Fluttershy and he supposed the rest of her annoying companions. That feeling that felt a lot like guil-

No, no wait. He could rationalize this, it wasn’t gui- guil, it definitely wasn’t that. Obviously it was umm… just too easy!

Yes, that was it, this was too easy. If he let those thugs take the cub then the game would be over. Obviously these foolish ponies would never be able to find her again and then the chaos would all be over. He was simply assisting chaos by helping. Of course, that was it, he was an unlawful abiding agent of mischief after all.

Someone had to be.

He watched as the griffon leaned down towards the crib then with a smirk one that Discord mirrored. He snapped his fingers which pushed the chaotic energy through the very molecules in the air. It spun across the room, bouncing off old porcelain china, ancient books and art pieces and finally hit the sleeping cub's pillow. All this did was give the gentlest most inconspicuous nudge and then…

Even Discord had to wince at what came next. The flurrying of feathers and claws was bad enough but-

“-Ahh!” The small griffon screamed, “oh emperor, it’s in my eyes!” He flew backwards, his face replaced with a tiny cub who was latched onto it for dear life. Like a cat that has climbed too high up a tree and was regretting its life choices. “Get it off, get it off!” He ran flailing up and down the floorboards.

“I got it!” The slab of a griffon bellowed, holding out his claw.

Discord snapped his fingers again, and a marbles appeared on the floor, the griffon's paw landed on them and slipped, the momentum sent the little cub flying off of him and right into a convenient fortress of pillows.

The griffon himself was not so lucky. He flew forwards and collided into the bigger griffon, sending them both flying backwards into a grand old bookcase.

Normally that would have been the end of it. Most bookcases that size were rather sturdy. But wouldn’t you know it, it was one of those poorly built bookcases, the type that wobbled Ominously over the heads of dazed griffons who found themselves peered up slack jaws as a book titled Ms Willow Marks ‘How to kill insects’ (all one thousand pages of it) flew downwards onto the huge one's head.

Then, purely by chance, all the rest of the books fell moments later.

Discord grinned, he guessed some folk were just unluckily. He turned back towards the cub who was clawing her way out of the pillow cases and staring indifferently around the room.

She gave a small yawn, arched her back then started right up at Discord and chirped.

Funny, he was pretty sure he was fully cloaked and hidden. He lazily flew to the other side and watched as her eyes followed him.

She chirped again.

“You can see me?” He asked, the cub chirped a third time and flapped her little wings as she walked towards him.

“Well, this is awkward.” He had sworn he had that camouflage down. Even the princess had trouble detecting him. Perhaps that was the problem though, young creatures always seemed to see things older ones overlooked. It was how the Boogeyman under the bed had been getting away with things for far longer than Discord had. Not that he was still bitter about that or anything.

Slowly he picked her up as she latched on to his paw playfully.

“Now what to do with you?” He said, looking around the room. “Any suggestions, I’m looking for something really spicy here.”

The griffon just chirped, smiling up at him.

Discord shook his head. “No, I mean that’s good don’t get me wrong, but it’s a bit of an old gag at this point isn't it?” He tapped his finger to his chin as the cub sat there smiling, her tail flicking side to side. “I mean, I suppose I could do it again, it did work out well the first time.” He grinned slowly.

Minutes later, Discord strolled through the mansion like only a lord of trickery could, which was to say he strolled normally. But with a twist to it, it was all in the hips really.

On his head sat the little griffon, wings flapping as she gazed around at anything and everything.

“Next stop, Chaosville.” He sang upwards as the cub mewed excitedly. He hoped over a pile of battle weary maids. Nearly tripping over a mare who was sleeping side by side with a giant spider, both looking rather worse for wear.

“Now if my chaos radar is anything to go by, it should be right about...” He tapped at the device in his hands and frown “Stupid thing, this is the last time I shop at Wallmar- aha!” He stopped just before turning a corner and peered around it. Two more stallions stood watch outside a door very much like all the rest of them.

Unlike those two idiot griffons. That wasn’t much of a problem for him. He snapped his fingers and the two stood quite still, very still indeed, almost statuesque. Mostly because that’s exactly what they now were, for the twenty minutes anyway.

“That wasn’t cheating right?” He said looking up at the cub. “I mean it’s not breaking any promises, they were just going to stand there anyway, right?”

The cub had very little to say in the matter as she was at that moment two busy chewing on the end of her tail.

“My thoughts exactly,” he said smirking, “you know it’s nice not having someone so judgmental around.” He walked right past them and towards the door.

Slowly, as carefully as he could he slid the door open a crack and peered inside. “Alright, you know the plan?” He whispered up towards the cub. She glanced down at him slowly, blinking.

“Oh come now, I told you six times already.” He said with a sigh. “Well no time for that, guess it’ll have to be improv.” Discord muttered as he snapped his fingers and the cub vanished from his head. “Knock em dead kiddo.” He yelled sotto voce to the room at large, shutting the door behind him.

Now then one more thing to complete the plan, then all he needed to do was find the cloud and sit and laugh.

Hell if he didn’t love his job.

Hendric staggered out of the room, clutching the swollen lump on his head with a claw. “Damn it all, where did she go?”

This was what happened when you tried going for a grand plan. Should have just stuck to cutting purses. Living in the gutter weren’t so bad compared to dealing with whatever mess this was turning out to be. Stuck between an idiot with the strength of ten idiots and a chief who he weren’t sure was even griffon. Didn’t see much but blackness in those eyes and was pretty sure he wouldn’t know a soul if he tripled over one.

The stories he had heard about the chief stories made even some like him shudder. Bad stories, black stories. But what was he supposed to do, tell some griffon like that to stick his plan where the talon don’t reach?

Hendric was desperate, but he weren’t suicidal.

Besides Hendric weren’t much good for nothing else than making the wrong choices in life, at that he was an expert. On the bright side, a side the griffon often found himself on the opposite plane from. If he made it out of this he would be stinking rich. Enough that he could buy the gutter and the street it was on when he got back.

That would show the bloody lot of them, payback for throwing him out to the wolves. He just had to find this stupid cub and-

He stopped halfway around the corner of the hallway and stared at an effervescent light. No, not light, lights. A lot of small ones all clumped together. Bright enough that for a second Hendric thought the sun had somehow made its way into the manor as he shield his eyes.

No candle made that kind of light before. He blinked as his eyes adjusted to the lighting. “For a good time, and the cub (I guess) go here?” He read aloud slowly.

He moved closer to the flashing lights, a faint annoying buzzing coming from them and touched one with his claw. It made a tapping sound like glass and it was hot to the touch.

“Emperors beak, I hate these damn ponies, they’re all nuts down here.” He muttered to himself.

He glanced around, spotting some statues of guards. Looking far to life sized and far too close to real life for his liking.

Then he glanced at the door the lights were making an arrow towards. An unassuming door, could have been to anything. He knew he should have called it quits then, damn the cub and the money and his chief and this awful place full of stupid rotten ponies.

But damn it all he needed the money. Hendric lifted the empty sack over his shoulder, shook the dizziness from his vision and stepped inside the room.

He had always been his own worst enemy.

Through Beady Eyes.

“I just cannot believe the sheer audacity of her, she’s always been like this you know?”

“Hmm.”

“She was always Fathers favorite. Everything was hoofed to her on a silver platter. I did not even get a personal butler until I was ten, ten! Can you imagine the indignity of that?”

“Indeed.”

“But twas I who had the last huzzah, ‘twas I that got Grandfather’s tutelage.” Luna said, shining a prideful smile at the stallion across from her. “Yes he might have been a little old fashioned,” she admitted, “yes he had a traditional view of mares. But once I impressed upon him my skill in fighting, leadership and my lack of them in the kitchen and for raising foals, he slowly came around.”

“Right.”

“And while we are at it, let me tell you now. If it twas us that were in charge we would not be beset on all sides by ancient foes every week. Forced to use six mares with no combat experience. I tell thee what, if it had my old brigade in the crystal empire, those bugs would have been little more than flattened cockroaches on the… are you listening?”

“Sorry?” The stallion in question quickly snatched his gaze away from the cabinet across the room he had been eyeing for a while now. “Please continue.”

Luna leaned up from the coach she was lying on.“Honestly, you call yourself a quack of the mind, yet you allow yours to wander aimlessly.” Luna chided, shaking her head.

“Umm, I’m a therapist actually.”

“Dress it how you wish.” Luna said, batting away the new-fangled word as she had many others, “call yourself whatever makes you feel better.”

“Right…” he said slowly. “Sorry princess, this is all a little strange for me, I’m not used to ponies, especially royal ones invading-” he glanced once more towards the cabinet and then around the pink walls of the room-“my personal time in this way.”

“It’s quite alright you are forgiven,” she said laying back down again, “I wasn’t doing much anyway, it’s been a rather quiet night.” She said gazing back up at the pink roof and shrugged.

“That’s not what I meant but…” he seemed to rally himself, leaning forward on his desk, “look um, I would like to go back to something you said earlier?”

Luna sat up slightly, from the long couch she had been lounging in and turned to him, “Touch on what? Do you wish me to tell you more of my sister's transgressions, like perhaps how Celestia absconded with my dress and wore it to the gala, even though we all agreed that yellow makes her hips look like that of a yawning hippo?“

“Actually,” the therapist said, wanting to stop the tirade of sibling rivalry that had been going on for the last two hours now. “I was more curious about what you mentioned, about the cub, your daughter.”

Luna crinkled her muzzle at the unpleasant reminder, “Oh yes, that thing.” She sighed and glanced back up at the pink ethereal roof then at the strange dangling contraptions above her, a lot of straps and chains, but to what purpose she could not tell. “One more stain to add to my lineage.”

The stallion leaned back into his chair, that strange black underwear he had been dressed in rubbed harshly against it. Luna wondered if that was what they all wore, it seemed rather impractical. but then this was the modern time for you was it not? “From what you were saying, I get the impression you’re not comfortable around her, yes?”

Luna scoffed, “would you be comfortable around something with a sharp beak that eats meat and carries daggers around instead of hooves?”

He blinked slowly, “I seem to recall from the papers that she’s only a year old?”

“Who can say,” Luna shrugged, “they all look the same really, I suppose it is young. But they spoil fast.”

“If you say so princess, what I mean is that, a lot of ponies I have treated before who have a fear of-

“Who says I’m afraid?” She snapped, sitting up from the coach, her eyes narrowed dangerously at the stallion who once again gulped and tugged at that peculiar black spiked collar around his neck.

“Apologies, what I mean is, in my profession, ponies who lean towards heavy um, what’s the word, biases such as yourself, they don’t tend to stem from learned facts. More from a personal experience with them. Both good and bad.”

“What, like when you see one stealing from a store, or raiding a village, or running around in gangs harassing upstanding citizens?” She said, “yes I keep abreast of the news, there's no end to their savagery really.”

The therapist blinked, then slowly tapped his hooves together. They also made a rubbery squelch as the shiny skin tight fabric connected together, “Let’s take a different approach, have all of your experience with griffons been bad?”

Luna chuckled heartily at that, “oh, good one my dear quack. Most humorous as if there would be good ones.” She let out another chuckle, hitting her hoof loudly against the couch.

The stallion blinked, “Okay, I’ll take that as a yes, but out of interest have you had negative interactions with other species though correct?”

Luna tapped her chin in through bad experiences, bad experiences hmm, “Not particularly. Oh… Wait, I do remember this one time I fought off a zebra assassin, he had a ward that encased his body in magical armour,” she smiled at the memory, “He was most skilled, but no amount of armour or skills can prepare thee for an ample kick to the testi-“

“-Okay okay, I understand.” The therapist said crossing his legs, “*Ahem* so that was a traumatic experience then?”

Luna raised her brow, “No, not at all, twas a most enjoyable battle, nothing gets one awake and ready to face the day like fighting off your first assassin before breaking fast.”

“So you don’t hate all Zebras for that experience.”

“Of course not, that made me respect them more, you should have seen the assassins Celestia used to get, pitiful little things, hardly even worth waking up for.”

“You don’t find that a bit of a contradiction?” He said, brow raised.

Luna rolled her eyes, what about all this was so hard for others to grasp, “Why do you make it sound illogical, look it’s simple. Have you seen griffons, they have the highest crime rate, all they do is fight and the amount of illegitimate fathers, they’re over-following their offspring that the taxpayer has to pay to raise. I don’t see why we don’t all hate them quite frankly.”

“I thought griffons mated for life?” He said his soft expression furrowing slightly.

Luna leaned in conspiratorially and whispered. “They just say that to sound good, but come on, you’ve seen their women right?” Luna gave a dirisive snort. “Who thou wish to sleep in that bed forever.”

“Okay, this isn’t working.” He muttered to himself. “Let's take it further back, you said your grandfather taught you, what did your grandfather think of griffons?”

Luna chuckled, “savage mongrels he used to call them.” Fields above that stallion had a way with words. Then, before she could stop herself she added, “but…”

The therapist pursed his lips, “but?”

Luna blinked, unsure of why she had said that. But felt compelled to add, “well… he did not much care for any species.” Which was true enough, she was not even quite sure if he liked his own kind towards the end. “But if you lived as long as he, everything would get on one's nerves.” She added loyally.

The therapist nodded, leaning forwards now, “you speak very fondly of him, it’s safe to say you looked up to him correct?”

Luna felt a prideful smirk from her lips as she sat upright. “Who wouldn’t, he founded this country, wrested it from nothing and brought about a utopia with his own bare hooves.”

“I take it you were close then?”

“Ye-” she paused again, furrowing her brow slightly, “well, not close-close not like I am to my sister perhaps. Our role was that of student and mentor rather than flesh and blood family.”

He took up a quill and jotted something down, something about that made Luna slightly uncontrollable. He looked up again and said, “And as a mentor, how was he, was he kind or demanding?”

“Hah!” Luna scoffed, “Certainly the latter, you do not know the meaning of the word. I have never been tested so hard in all my life as when I was under his mighty wing. He would broker no failure. Do you know, he once had me stand upright with a Melon on my head for three days.”

“Three days?” He said with genuine surprise on his face.

“Well, twas meant to be merely two hours. But he might have forgotten, he was a very busy stallion. Still, I proved my mettle.” She beamed at him. But the stallion seemed even more blank faced if that was possible.

Luna felt the need to continue, “You see, everything that did not live up to his standards was deemed a failure and grandfather deemed most everything to be ‘not up to his standards.’”

The therapist tapped his rubber bound hoof on the table thoughtfully, “did he at least praise you for this accomplishment?”

Luna thought about it for a moment, her lips pursed as she gazed back through hundreds of years of memory. “He… um, he had his own way of praise.” She said tactfully. “He did not say it out loud,” then she quickly added, “but we could tell from his eyes that he was proud.” She smirked, yes that was enough, that was how a monarch should praise another.

The therapist nodded, but she could see that he did not hold the same conviction as she did. “And when you couldn’t meet his expectations, what was he like then?”

Luna frowned, she was not sure why they were talking about this. She had come to complain about her sister, that was all, why all of a sudden had they started to talk about herself and her grandfather? “I do not think this needs treading on, tis not relevant, instead let us tell you when my sister broke the royal cookie jar and blamed us unjustly for it?”

“We can,” he said though his face had not changed from that neutral worryingly soft expression that she was already growing to dislike. “But just humour me for a moment, please I’m just trying to paint a whole picture here.”

Luna sighed, she did not like talking about this. “Well if you must know he would get very quiet and would not speak directly to us.”

“How do you mean?” He asked.

“He would say thing aloud to others in our presence. At court, at dinner, things like, ‘if only he had been blessed with grandsons’, or ‘what had he done to deserve such a weak line of heirs.’”

The therapist's face remained blank, save only for a slight pursing of his lips, “And how did that make you feel princess?”

“I do not follow?” Luna said, somehow feeling hotter despite the fact that this was impossible in her current state.

“At the times when the stallion you respected and wanted love from the most would demean you. Did it make you feel less than? did it make you feel like a failure?”

Luna felt her throat going dry for a moment at that word. “Of course not. He was right to think so, it just made me strive harder to be what he believed I could be, to meet his expectations.”

“And what about the times when you couldn’t do that?”

“W-what?” Luna asked, feeling fake sweat form on her brow.

“How did you feel when you couldn’t meet his expectations?” He asked softly.

Luna swallowed. Thoughts of blades and horns sounded around her. Thoughts of scowls and disapproving faces at court. Staring at her with that look of condemnation and shame pointed at her, such terrible shame.

Whilst the stallion turned to adjust the strange fabric on his foreleg, Luna horn lit up and a clock emerged from the walls. It phased in through the blurry pink of the undefined walls jangling against a set of straps against a wall. “Oh, look at that, I have over extended my stay.”

The therapist blinked slowly, then looked up at the newly emerged clock, “Oh? Um, of course princess.”

“So much to do, I can’t believe you detained me this long.” She said, hopping down from the couch far too quickly. “One subject cannot demand our entire attention, other ponies need help too, you know.”

“Um, actually you came to me princess, I don’t recall asking for help, actually, Why did you come here at all?”

Luna paused, glancing backwards at him, “Well, I heard all the screaming and groaning and thought you must have been having a nightmare.” She said glad at least to change the topic back to work.

For the first time in the whole time she had been there, the stallion's face shifted from neutral to something close to embarrassment. “Oh right, yes well um, thank you, I guess.”

“Yes it was most curious,” Luna continued, eyeing the subterranean room. “Most of the nightmares I deal with don't tend to have dungeons so… pink.” She walked up towards the cupboard he had been eyeing and opened it. She lifted up a flat blue paddle board, “this is rather ineffective piece of torture equipment I must say. Tis much too flimsy for flogging, you would hardly get any sort of confession from this.”

The therapist threw himself towards the closet placing his back to it “Oh, I don’t know, depends on how you ask I guess?” he chuckled uneasily, nudging it closed with a wing.

Luna frowned thoughtfully. Then turned and trotted towards a stainless steel table and lifted up another device. A purple knotted rope with a rubber ball in the middle of it, “My tis is a fancy gaging device, in our day we simply made due with a bit of cloth and string.”

“Oh,” he said, not meeting her eyes, “You don’t say?”

She stared down at him, wondering why his demeanor had suddenly changed so much. But she had more pressing matters to attend to. “Well, we shall be off then, I thank you for your time,‘twas an interesting distraction if nothing else. I shall now dispel this nightmare.”

“W-Wait!” The stallion said suddenly, Luna froze as the stallions shifted nervously. “Um, what if…you didn’t?”

Luna stared down at him, her face blank. “You…want to stay in the nightmare?”

“If it’s not a problem?”

“But,” Luna said slowly, “you were on a rack, they were about to…” Words seemed to fail her at that moment.

“Well um, might as well see where it went.” He said his eyes shifted nervously.

She stared at him again for a long moment. Well this was awkward, she had never in all of her one thousand years of dreamwalking ever had anyone want to keep the nightmare going. No one sane at least. “If that is your wish, does that mean you want…”

“If you could?” The stallion said, in the same awkward tone.

Luna blinked slowly, then ignited her horn. The door to the side flung itself back open. She watched the torturer saunter back into the room. Though as far as torturers went, it wasn’t exactly the fear-inducing hooded figure she was used to.

Instead of the usual robe and saddlebags filled with instruments of pain. The stallion wore a very skin tight pair of garments around his hips and a rounded cap made of the same shiny material the mind quack wore. The rhinestones shone against the black and spelled in cursive ‘Ride em cowboy’’ on it.

He walked past Luna and gave her a suggestive wink. Then picked up the strange flogging device as he whistled at the therapist, who shyly trotted back to the rack Luna had found him on.

Luna at a rare loss for words ignited her horn. Another door appeared in front of her and she opened it up to leave. Just as she was about to step away, curiosity got the better of her and she turned to look one last time, realised much to her chagrin what the paddle was for, and promptly shut the door behind her.

She blinked a few times, letting normality settle back into her thoughts. Heck if dreams were not something she would ever get used to.

Caring for others dreams was no easy task, dealing with the subconscious, dealing with the hopes and failures of other ponies manifested into monsters and whatever the heck that just was was something you couldn’t prepare for.

That was what those vile rags had never understood, what those deplorable nobles failed to comprehend, dream walking was hard work. Ponies woke up from dreams and within minutes forgot they even happened.

Luna had to carry that image with her for life.

She had a thousand years of experience with the Dreamscape. But she would never describe herself as its ruler, or even an expert. She was not so arrogant. The Dreamscape had been around far far longer than she had and would continue to be around long after she was gone. She was a warden of sorts. If a warden could call themselves a warden whilst not having a clue where she was going half the time.

Dreamspace did not follow the conventions of reality. It was ever shifting, ever changing. But despite that, that was not to say that she did not have her shortcuts.

She strode out of the stallion's dream and into a long white corridor. What she called her Nexus. She had created it many years ago. Long before her banishment. After a thousand years away from the realm, she had found it in major disrepair. Without her conscious will to shape it, the Dreamspace had contorted her neatly trimmed garden of dreams in a wasteland of weeds that would take a machete and a set of matches to set right again.

Doors connecting to ponies she had once known had folded in on top of one another. Where one door led to a baker she had once visited. Now it led to the dreams of an eldritch sea god, who by the way, was excessively rude and who’s bread she nowhere near enjoyed as much.

It was a mess and it would probably take her another thousand years to fully sort out the way she liked. But she had made some progress. The one corridor she was now standing in for instance was more or less back to how she had planned it in her mind.

One down, seven hundred thousand more to go.

Stretching out in a long corridor was all the dreams of those close to her and those who she had come to know since her return. It made things far easier when all her loved ones, friends and close associates were in one hallway.

To the left she could see young Twilight’s door. That like-able, if perhaps slightly manic princess, her cutie mark etched onto it in purple. The arch around it glowing a soft white. Indicating a pleasant dream was being had.

Luna never entered a dream when it was going well. That was private. She would only step in during a nightmare or if called upon.

Next to hers the other mares close to Twilight, an apple, a rainbow, a pie etc... All of them glowing a soft white. Next was a quill and a newspaper, Silver Tongue’s dreams. Fields only knew what he was dreaming of. Her sister had once described him as anal-retentive, Luna did not know what that had mean’t and at this point after what had just happened, she was afraid to find out.

She walked on until her sister's door came up. Again it was soft white, much like the mare herself. She was about to walk past it, when suddenly she stopped.

She looked around, despite the fact that there would absolutely be no pony around. Then slowly, smirking, she lit her horn.

“What was it again?” She said to herself, tapping her chin in thought. “Ah yes, that was it.” her smirk took on an evil twist as she held up her hoof. Not a moment later a bucket appeared in it. She glanced down at the croaking noises emanating from it and then slowly, carefully, opened the door just a fraction, and tipped the bucket into the dream.

She waited for just a moment, her ear flicking to the crack in the door.

“That is why, my little ponies. I will be implementing a tax on all pies, baked goods and confectioneries. One in every thirteen will be sent to my door every day. We will call it… a Celestian dozen.” Celestia spoke, “furthermore, to go back to the wine tax, I will be... What in the? Are those, Ahh, frogs, help, get them off me, ahhh!”

Luna quickly slammed the door shut, holding up a hoof to her mouth and chucking until her face had turned a shade of red. That would teach her to meddle in her affairs. “See how you like it, when you face what you fear, sister.” She said triumphantly. Then after a moment paused.

Did she just think she was... No, it was a slip of the tongue, she was not… Of course she wasn’t, of those mongrels? That was impossible. That quack had simply messed with her mind, that was the first and last she would listen to one of them again.

She had only gone out of boredom, a place to vent her anger. That and they were supposed to keep a secret under pain of death… or something like that anyway.

She continued on and turned the corner. Coming face to face with a dark blue door, a crescent moon etching into it and several chains across it.

Her door.

She frowned at it and lit her horn to test the lock, until she was satisfied it was still closed. She was about to turn, to be away from any more unpleasant, but unpleasantness was more than happy to come find her instead.

“What in the name of tartarus is this!?” She roared.

A small door with a single brown feather on it was directly next to her door. She stared long and hard at the door. Waiting for an explanation that she knew was already there waiting for her like a tap dancer clicking his heels on her desk.

“You cannot be serious!” She furrowed her brow, lighting up her horn and watching as the little brown door disappeared from her sight. “Can I not get a moment's peace from this?” She grumbled. Bad enough that it happened in the day. But to come while she was working, that she would not forgive.

She turned to storm out, happy to see the back of this place when she felt something shift under her hooves for a moment. There was a sound like a pop, then she turned back, the door was there once again.

“Oh no-no-no, Tis not happening!” She lit her horn once more, and the door vanished. She would not accept this.

Pop

Luna scrunched her eyes closed, putting more power into the spell than needed and closed the door once more, there was a half second of nothing then.

Pop.

Luna's eyes narrowed, “Tis how you wish to play this?” She asked the door that stood there, small but oblivious to her violent threat. “Fine, we have all the time in the world.”

An hours later, Luna leaned against the wall of the Nexus, huffing and wiping sweat from her brow. “Ready to quit, you swine?” She exhaled shoulders rising and falling in quick succession.

The door did not respond, its brown painted front stood indifferent to her threats. Mocking her with its silent aloofness.

She leaned her head back against the wall. What was she doing? She already knew this was a fruitless effort. If the door was here, that meant that it was already a part of her unconscious mind. The Nexus was like a social family tree sprouting from the closest sibling to the most distant associate.

Try as she might, her mind knew that even if she did not accept it, the unconscious part of her brain could not help the fact that technically speaking, that thing was her adopted heir.She could deny her thoughts. But changing one's subconscious thoughts was a different matter.

It was a technicality of course. But try convincing a metaphysical Dreamscape that!

She glanced in the direction of her sister's door. Perhaps one bucket had been too merciful.

She shook the thoughts from her mind. This was becoming intolerable. She had to get rid of this griffon somehow. She could not put up with this for the next… actually, how long did those birds live for anyway?

Regardless, she had promised her sister that she would care for it. She couldn’t just discard it on some other poor fool's doorstep.

Or could she?

Luna shook her head, no her sister would know and then there would be no end to her moaning. She would probably employ sarcastic, perhaps even satirical about the whole thing. Luna shuddered at the thought, anything but that.

No, she had to think about this carefully. What could she do, what could she…

The thought came to her like a baseball bat to the cranium. Fields above, it was so simple, the solution had been staring at her this entire time.

What had Silver and her sister said, that griffons was an orphan?

Had this been a proven fact? Maybe, but if it had not, if for instance someone could produce a living relative, of which she had no doubt there would be hundreds, because of course there would be, those egg laying cretins breed like rabbits.

Well then if such a relative could be found, she would be morally obliged to give it back would she not? It would be her duty to return that thing to its own kind where it belonged.

They would laud her as a hero and more importantly she would be free from any and all responsibility.

Slowly she smiled at the door, when life gives you lemons, unwanted lemons that have fur and feathers in all the wrong places, you throw that lemon back at life and demand a proper fruit field’s damnit!

She felt her hoof touching the doorknob, easy all she had to do was open., But that was where the trouble only began. She frowned down at her hoof, which seemed unwilling to obey her instructions. She knew why she was hesitant, the door was glowing white, it was dreaming, she was about to break one of her sacred rules. She did not interfere with another ponies' dreams.

But, it wasn’t a pony was it, it was just a Griffon they didn’t count…right?

Still she found herself forcing her hoof to settle on the door knob, “Oh for the love of, get ahold of yourself.” She said to herself, grabbing her hoof with the other and forcing it onto the door knob.

She pushed the door open, staring at the blank white expanse. This was a whole new event for her. Dreams were a different thing to nightmares. Infant dreams might as well have been calculus.

Infants had no real concept of horror on a conceptual level. Often the scariest thing they dealt with was a round of peek-a-boos gone too far or a particularly vicious pinch of the cheek from an over eager aunt.

Infants did not dream like older foals. Their brains were not developed yet for such conceptualisation. They had no understanding of metaphors or symbolism. As such Luna could not manifest herself as a reputation of her own real form like she could others. Because they had no internal concept for such a notion.

If she was to do this, She would have to see the dream as the infant saw it. Though their eyes, experience it as they did, no inhibitors, no control. It was as if she and the infant would be one and the same and unable to leave until it was over. Like sitting inside the middle of a crowded theatre and only realising you were in the wrong play twenty minutes in. One was stuck there, helpless, stranded and at the mercy of the actors.

An infant's dream was more like watching a tapestry come to life or like one of those spinning wheel things with the lights that made a still picture move. One that Luna was still not convinced was the work of wicked alchemy of the most vile order.

But what else was there to do? She had to do something. She regained her composure, closed her eyes, then stepped through the threshold.

Blinding lights engulfed her for a moment then all of a sudden, she opened her eyes and found herself looking up at a constellation.

The stars spun around a little wooden moon that dangled across from Luna's gaze. It had been painted a soft white the four or five stars had looked hoof crafted and the little chips on the side had suggested they were old.

It took Luna a moment to realise that she was staring at her mobile. Well, not her, this Griffon. She watched it spin softly over the crib, then tiny claws lifted upwards towards the dangling wooden stars. So close but never quite in reach.

Luna felt a deep longing to touch the stars, feel them, taste them even. She wanted to giggle.
Suddenly Luna saw enormous claws moving downwards from over the bars. Talons blurred her visions from the stars and suddenly her vision was filled with the face of another griffon.

Its beak was curved into a warm smile. Luna winced at the sight of it but she gave a mewing burble of sounds, at the familiar and alien face. The wave of the chick's euphoria hit her as though it was her own mothers smiling at her.

The arms of the griffon latched around the stranger as it spoke to Luna. Clearly it was the mother or perhaps a grandmother, it would have been hard for Luna to tell on a normal day. The females had almost a harsher voice than the males did.

She couldn’t tell what the mother was saying, even if she had spoken their intolerable gibberish language the little griffon couldn’t understand it. It sounded like a distant trumpet.

The vision swung gently as the female griffon rocked her gently back and forth again. Much like Luna’s father had done to even up until her fifth name day.

Luna couldn’t help it, she felt her eyes grow heavy once again.

Slowly the vision blurred.

When her eyes opened next it was as it had been before. But hot, the temperature was boiling, there was a stinging smoke in the air and everything tasted of ash. The thatched roof now danced with embers, the stars and moon swayed erratically around the crib.

There was a sound of screaming. This one also hit Luna with a nostalgic tinge. But nostalgia was not always a good thing, sometimes it was a feeling of something you wanted before, but now wanted nothing more than to forget.

Luna let out a burbled cry, wanting nothing more than to be away from the heat and the smoke. Something grabbed at her frantically. Talons, bigger than before, firm and rugged. They were not as gentle as before.

She saw another figure, another griffon panting hard, its face scrunched in worry, parts of its feathered face was matted with something she couldn’t make out, black in places but also wet with something in others.

Luna let out another wail, longer now and more frantic. The figure seemed to try and coddle her as best it could. But it was rushing, moving at the same time. It held her in an iron grip against its chest.

The world around Luna moved. Orange glow of fire, the black mass of smoke and then finally after it felt as though she would never feel cold again fridge ice air.

The dream moved on.

The burning heat went to a sudden chill so cold, it felt as though nothing in this world would ever thaw. As though numbness had become part of her and she would never feel warmth again.

She caught sight of the moon and stars. The real ones this time, a brilliant galaxy of little lights and brilliant nebula Of untold thousands of glistening lights.

She let out another whimpering mewing sound as her claws reached up to touch it, the stars and moon so bright in the sky. So close but never quite in reach.

This time, there was no crib and the dream stretched on until Luna worried that this was all there would be when suddenly another face blocked it from view. Cold and upset she started to cry again. The stranger, this unusual being that didn't have a beak or feathers on her face. But a rounded snout and something on its head that didn’t look like feathers frowned down at Luna.

“What are you doing down here little one?” It asked. Luna had to fight to make sense of the jumble of words that formed from the ponies mouth. “Oh fields, how long have you been out in the cold?” It picked her up, Luna felt the warmth against her tiny form. She had been so cold.

It glanced down at her, smiling, “It’s okay little one, where’s your mommy and da—-"

Before the mare could finish the sentence Luna felt herself being sucked backwards. She flew not away from the dream. But away from the Dreamscape. Lights and visions passed her by in a blur a thousand thousand dreams passing by in seconds around her. Then, suddenly she blinked.

She was staring up at a decrepit old roof. Chipped white ceilings staring down at her. She gasped as she felt herself once more. Feeling her body merging with her consciousness once more. The images of the cub and the sensations were as real as if they had happened.

She shivered as if the cold was still all around her and she was slick with sweat from the heat of the fire on her body. But most of all she felt dazed and utterly confused.

She tried to piece together what she had seen, a cub living in some thatched wooden hut, a mother, maybe a father, a fire, screaming, then…

Slowly Luna became aware of something else, another sensation. This one was more physical than before. There was something warm pressed onto her chest. Not hot like fire, but like that of another being to her. She had not felt like that comforting warmth in some time.

And especially not in her bed.

She glanced down to a lump under the quilt moving around as if it was a burrowing mole under soft grass. It paused when she moved her body slightly. Slowly, with care Luna peeled back the sheets and found two inquisitive beady eyes looking back up at her.

The cub chirped softly, its little chest rumbling like a tiny steam engine exhaling a purring noise as it nuzzled into her.

She heard something sucked in a breath as their eyes met for what felt like an eternity. Perhaps because she had been staring right through those eyes herself not a moment ago. Luna felt herself calm, rather than filled with utter revolution and shock like she had before. But she simply started there, blinking down at the thing.

That was, until she noticed that someone else was sucking in a deeper breath and she knew it had not been her. Because the ache of her chest told her she was still holding in her own.

She glanced slowly to her side, and there she spotted a figure, clad in black robes, holding what looked to be a heavy canvas bag.

Again she gazed into black eyes. Only these ones were not filled with an inquisitive and playful stare. These ones looked like they had stared into a cave and seen the face smiling back with far too many fanged teeth and it could have been right to think so.

“Oh dritt” it cursed, its beak opening as wide as its eyes.

Oh dritt indeed, Luna thought as she slowly reached for the rapier under her pillow.

Author's Note

Hello. Hope you all enjoyed so far. Just to let you know I will be taking a one week vacation. As such the next part will be coming out on the 17th instead of the 10th of next month.
Cheers.

And Then... (Part One)

“As far as I’m concerned,” Silver began, his voice projecting to the back of the room. “The only Indecent exposure that I can see, is the one the media has perpetrated against my client.” He slammed his hoof on the desk and stared intently around the room.

“I ask you, good mare and stallions, where does it say that a stallion can’t imbibe on a hot summer's day, whilst holding a pet?” He shuffled the scrolls in front of him meaningfully. “Personally, I believe that the law has resoundingly over exaggerated the matter. They bandy about terms such as ‘menacing others with an unlicensed animal’ and ‘misappropriated funds with the intent to overthrow the government.’ for what is clearly just a misunderstanding.’” He shook his head sadly.

“But I ask you good ponies, tell me, which of you has not cast the first stone? Who hasn’t wanted to.” He glanced down at the report, his brow furrowed in concentration, “eh, Hmm, really, with a zucchini?” He blinked as he read further, trying and failing to rally himself, “W-What I meant to say is, what about the rights of the common pony, what about the integrity of, the integrity... oh who am I kidding, he probably sold that for the cat.”

Silver let out a deep groan. He just couldn’t conjure up the energy today. He leaned back in his chair, the imaginary reporters in his mind's eyes vanished and in their place, sat a dilapidated empty room, his room. The howling wind outside replaced the clicking of cameras. The scraping of the branches on the glass, the reporters questions.

He stared at the three small boxes in front of him on his desk. Each with a placard engraved in wood labeled, ‘bribe box,’ ‘blackmail box’ and ‘bribe with the intention of blackmailing box.

Silver threw the scroll in the blackmail box and leaned back in his chair. Most ponies in Eques spend their evenings curled up with a book, playing scrabble or thinking up some get rich quick scheme. Schemes that often ended with guards being involved and sentences like “what do you mean illegal? I pay my taxes!” And other phrases that sound bad out loud and worse on paper.

Doing this helped him stay sharp. Even after thirty years in the field it could always surprise you what ordinary ponies or in this case failed nobles were capable of. Like for instance, threatening a crowd with a cat, blind drunk and naked, (which was to say, shaved below the waist) and trying to incite a revolution. You couldn’t write that stuff, let alone prepare for it.

It wasn’t often that one of the nobility tried to take over the government. True, nobles, like most opportunistic predators, lived in a constant state of one-upmanship. Scheming occupied about sixty five percent of their brain capacity (1). But actually overthrowing the monarchy was different. You couldn’t vie for the throne when you had not one but two powerful and immortal monarchs. Pony nobles had to think outside the box, or in this case, outside of their fur.

Silver was starting to consider that maybe he was coming to the end of his career. Back in his hay day, he could have come up with a daring and full proof campaign on the spot. But now? Now it seemed as though the spark was fading.

Admittedly, a lot of that had to do with the predicament he was in now.

True enough, Luna's name was out of the dirt once more and now she was one of the most talked about mares in the world eclipsing her sister. His PR stunt had swept through Canterlot like fire, though thankfully not in the literal sense.(2)

He had already received about thirty messages from publications asking for a one to one interview. Including but not limited to The Canterlot Express, Cloudsdale Herald, Wings, Manes and Horns monthly, Fisherman’s Weekend and most curiously of all, Udders magazine.

That last one gave Silver pause, not just the name which Silver had many questions about. None of which he actually wanted answers to. But most disconcerting of all, was that it was apparently published daily. Was there that much demand to see and read about udders?

But sitting in a dower, dark, decrepit and all the other horrible words beginning with ‘D’ manor in the middle of
nowhere. Silver was starting to realise that all he had really done was create a temporary PR ceasefire.

He had to face facts. Luna was not going to get over her biases in two hundred years, let alone two months and sooner or later, ponies were going to notice that.

Then there was the cub to consider. As it stood right now, she was fine. Well, actually she was almost as disaster prone as her step-mother seemed to be. But she was still too young to know what was going on. She hadn’t gotten old enough to start asking awkward things like, “why does mommy look like she’s sucking on lemons whenever I walk into the room?”

Silver did his best impression of a turtle retreating into its shell as he slumped into his chair. Safe to say this was about as forward thinking as the pony who would look at a spot of land called Tornado Alley, nod his head and think “wow look at all this free real-estate, what idiot would pass this up?”

The more he thought about it in this sober light. The more he realised that it would take either a miracle or a disaster, to get those two together, though to his mind the two were one in the same to Silver.

He glanced towards his bed, feeling utterly drained. Perhaps he simply needed sleep. He always got dower when he pulled too many all-nighters in a row.

After all, he supposed he was technically speaking on vacation. He still had two months before the hammer would fall, two months before he was tarred and feathered, proverbially and the way things were going perhaps literally.

He had managed to get himself halfway towards his bed chambers when he heard the door handle to his room rattling hard. A muffled and panicked curse emanated from outside the thick wood a second later.

“Yes?” He said slowly, then added, “Doughy if that’s you? Just leave the pie where it is, I’m… I’m not hungry at the moment.” He said much to the horror of his own stomach, which burbled angrily at this lie.

Again he heard the desperate rattling and more muffled profanity. Rolling his eyes he moved cautiously towards the door and slowly undid the multitude of locks. You had to lock doors in his line of work. The princesses treated knocking as something that happened to other ponies.

No sooner had he slid the door open a crack, a figure stormed inside. Silver stumbled backwards, watching as the hooded form entered and slammed the door shut, pressing its back firmly against the door.

“What in Tartarus?!” Silver yelled at the shadow, it took a moment to notice that it was a griffon. It took him another moment to notice the strange smell of smoke emanating from him.

A loud bang echoed through the room as something punctured through the door like a knife stabbed into butter. Both Silver and the griffon flinched. A feather from its head glided down gently onto the floor and drew both of their eyes up towards the long, thin piece of metal jutting through the door an inch from the griffon's skull.

It made a springing nose as it vibrated. To Silver's eyes, it looked a lot like a fencing sword? He didn’t have time to ponder how this had just happened though. The griffon gave a strangled yelp and ran towards Silver's desk dragging it across the room towards the door.

“H-hey, you can’t do that!” Silver yelled. But if the griffon heard or even noticed him, he didn’t care. Silver's ears flipped back over towards the door. He could hear something, a howling sound, like tundra wind clawing against the door and getting closer and more intense with every second.

The stranger dragged the desk in front of the door and gave a gentle whimper as he walked backwards and stumbled into Silver. He turned on the spot and saw Silver presumably for the first time. It took a moment for Silver to notice that the griffon had no eyebrows, black soot all across his face and the tip of his tail was smoldering.

Silver spoke fluent Griffonian, but even if he couldn't, the terror in the griffon's eyes would have spoken volumes.

“Help me.”

Before Silver could respond, a rumbling filled the room. Bit’s of plaster fell from the ceiling landing in clumps around them. The griffon flinched and moved backwards, his eyes never leaving the door.

“It’s coming.” He muttered his lower beak trembling. His panicked gaze flickered around the room and landed on a window overlooking the garden.

“Listen,” Silver began, his gaze caught between the door and the griffon, “I don’t know what this is, but-“

Suddenly, the sound of the noise outside stopped, replaced by an eerie silence. The griffon muttered some sort of prayer, as his eyes now fixed on the window.

Slowly, ever so slightly the handle turned inch by ominous inch.

“Oh Sod this!” The griffon screamed, diving towards the window.

“Wait-.” Silver yelled only to grimace at the sounds of smashing glass. “-the window’s locked,” He finished lamely.

Silver ran towards the window. Staring out towards the figure that had crashed into the bushes below and was now racing through the gardens. Silver had just enough time to remember the presence at the door when everything exploded.

He threw himself onto the ground as chunks of wood and splinters rained down around him.

“What in the great fields above is going on!?” He yelled over the melee.

Not a second later Luna came into view, this wasn’t the Luna Silver was used to seeing. A dower set of eyes affixed with a scowl of grim determination on her muzzle. Her horn was pointed in bayonet fashion as she surveyed the detritus of the room with a look that would have launched a thousand screaming barbarians back home to their mothers.

Actually, in many ways it was exactly the same Luna Silver was used to seeing. But the effervescent magic and frost flowing around her in a maelstrom was new.

“Oh, Silver, good you're here.” Luna said in an astonishingly casual tone. “Have you seen some bestial griffon skulking around by chance?”

Silver struggled back to his hooves. “Have you lost your mind!” Silver yelled with utter bafflement, “Why did you blow up my doors!?”

“They were in the way.” She said, walking past him, eyes still searching. “Besides they were not you’re doors,”

“They were in front of my room, you can’t just do that!” Silver yelled.

“Silver please, you are being hysterical. Tis not the time for talk of petty door ownership.” She said, flipping over a desk with shocking ease, “We have been assaulted in our own bed!” Her scowl was sharp enough to cut through Diamond, “A griffon has snuck into my personal chambers, probably trying to ravage our innocent and fragile form in a fit of animalistic fervor.”

Silver stared at the ‘fragile and innocent form’ in question towering over him with swirling winds of permafrost, glowing blue eyes and the bits of thick wooden door around her hooves. For once in his life he smartly declined to comment.

“Still, that's no excuse to destroy my room!” Silver yelled but Luna was hardly listening at this point.

“Where is it, I saw it scurry in here?” Luna said, her eyes scanning Silver's demolished room, “Where did it-” she paused as she noticed the window, or the now lack of one.

Luna's eyes narrowed. She turned without comment and strolled over towards the now open hole.

Silver took a moment as life seemed to fork again, he knew the smart thing to do was to just ignore all this, find another room and wait until it was all over, then report back to Celestia.

But then, if he had been smart, he would have shut the door on the face of that smiling white alicorn when she had strolled up to his humble office one day and proposed a “simple” and “easy” job for him all those years ago.

“Wait.” He yelled, stumbling after her.

“Running shall only delay the inevitable!” Luna yelled through the window. “Come out and we promise that thine retribution shall be swift and only mildly excruciating!”

“Luna I must protest, you can’t just tear down the manor.” He beseeched, but it was like trying to tell an Earth shattering comet that it was being an inconvenience.

As if to solidify this point, Luna lit up her horn and all of a sudden the window, its frame and at least six hooves of wall went with it in an eruption of mortar, bricks and dust.

Silver gulped and stepped backward. Perhaps she could just tear down the manor. “Wait Luna, there are proper ways of handling these things, let’s get the guards at least.”

She turned towards him, eyes narrowed, “Silver, let us part some advice for thee, if you want a hated enemy vanquished properly then you can’t coddle them with meager threats of-,” she stopped suddenly, as a shiver ran down her spine. Brow furrowed, she glanced back at herself. Her eyes widened for a moment as though she had only just remembered something, then she lit her horn.

From inside her billowing ethereal mane. Something brown and white was levitated upwards and then into Silver's hooves. He blinked and stared down at the little cub, who looked back up at him inquisitively.

Silver looked down at the cub, then up at Luna. Somehow, somehow with more questions than he had before, if that was possible.

“What?” Luna asked incredulously. “Do not give us that look, she was skulking inside our chambers.” Luna turned away from Silver, drawing her chin up flippantly. “See to it that she is better kept on her leash or whatever it is you use.”

Before Silver could ask what the heck was going on for the seventh time in the space of five minutes. Luna spread her wings and lept from the hole in the wall, her outline silhouetted in the full moon.

Silver glanced down towards the little hatchling who was staring cross eyed at a snowflake on her beak.

He watched for a long moment in utter silence, even as Luna's horn lit up and bits of the garden blew up in thunderous displays of frost blue light. About approximately, seven thousand six hundred and twenty two questions flew through his mind in the span of about six seconds. But despite all of them the only one that left his lips was.

“Did Luna just refer to you as she?” He said, utterly baffled.

The little Cubs' only answer was to sneeze as the snowflake flew from her beak. It seemed as good of a response as any, Silver supposed.

With little else to do except go find help, he walked back through the trail of distraction inside the manor. At least a thousand bits worth of, let’s face it, improvement to the old manor stretching all the way down the hall.

He walked out of what remained of his room, hoping to see if he could find a guard and more importantly his niece. He had to know if she was okay. But he didn’t have to look all that far, because all at once he saw her slide from around the corner and come running towards him as though her life depended on it.

“Oh thank goodness,” Silver said, “Golden are you alrigh-“ the words died on his lips. Silver glanced just above her head and thought for a moment that a silverback gorilla was behind her. But they did not usually have beaks and wings or shouted blood curdling battle cries at the top of their lungs.

“I smash you good!” It roared from behind Golden.

“Ru-un!” She yelled, front hooves flailing violently as they all raced right for Silver.

Silver didn’t need telling twice, his hooves, used to a lifetime of nothing but fighting gravity and just barely winning, finally saw it’s moment to be of use and took over his mind. He turned on the spot, clutching the Cub against his amble chest.

And then…

And then Winder glanced down towards the patch of ground and frowned. He was frowning because he was pretty sure there was supposed to be a bouquet of carnations here and not a giant crater.

He was also almost sure it wasn’t meant to be on fire. The reason he wasn’t one hundred percent was mostly down to working with mad Lord Snap Case, who had thought it was a good idea to plant pots of dynamite in the garden as a cheap alternative to security and fireworks.

Winder had secretly dug them up and disposed of most of them. But perhaps he had missed one?

But he quickly realised that that was not the case, because contrary to most fire’s, this one was being cold and blue. Most ponies would not have believed their eyes at the sight of that. But Winder did, he always believed what he saw, after all, if you didn’t trust your eyes, whose could you trust?

Griffons had excellent eyes. It was what made him such a good gardener, able to catch a mouse in the act of chewing out his crops, or Lord Snap Case who was digging a moat at midnight to stop the supposed pixies from stealing his sock.

Or the giant explosions ripping his beloved garden to shreds. Admittedly that last one was hard to miss.

He had followed the trail of distraction, through the Impossible Maze, which now that it had a straight line burned right through it would have to be re-named. Then he followed it through the Field of Dreams, which was now the Field of some Dreams but mostly ash and through the hedge of Exploding Gezalias. Which despite everything to the contrary, were somehow perfectly fine.

Everytime he moved towards another stretch of the garden he’d seen another explosion of blue light appear on the end of it. Whatever was doing this was moving fast.

He had just turned a corner towards the front courtyard when a single blast went wide and struck the rooftops of the manor. Winder watched, as one of the last gargoyles clinging desperately to the aging hanging finally flopped to the floor.

Winder felt no great sorry for that gargoyles, he had not liked their leering stone gazed as a hatchling and liked them even less when they had been infected by one of Snap Cases occult artifacts and spent one summer catcalling down at him, snidely commenting on every mistake and loudly singing in the night. Only to go back to stone whenever Winder had tried to inform anyone about it.

So he was not that upset to see it go. But what had struck Winder was the shadowy outline of a figure next to it and the pinkish light that flashed in and out of existence.

By all rights anything that has been on the roof should and had been blown from sub-atomic particles into plus-atomic particles, (which is the same as subatomic only adding a touch more total annihilation into the mix.) But the figure sat there, unmoving and untouched.

Strangely, even with Winders eyes he could not make out the figure. It seemed almost cloaked in its own darkness. Separate to the night. But it was the pinkish hue that confused Winder most. He had seen that light many times before. His mother and father handled that very light since he had been a cub.

“Griffon stone.” He uttered, awe laced into his voice. But that couldn’t be right, to hold such a large amount? Winder knew even a single shard of it was worth more than he made in a year. Enough stone to block out an attack like that could run a country like Eques for a week, even with the faucet running and the oven on overnight.

Winder spread his wings, ready to take flight and investigate further. When suddenly something flew past him. A black ragged cloak and the smell of burnt fur and feathers, a voice yelling as it ran. “Leg it, every griffon for himself!”

Winder recognised him instantly as the one that had been in the basement. But that begged the question, where had the large one gone and more importantly what had been chasing him?

Questions like that never needed to wait long to be answered, as no sooner had he turned back in the direction the griffon had run from he caught another towering figure step around the hedge wall.

“Ahah?! Finally accepted your doom griffon, stopped running I see?” Something growled to itself.

Winder stared up at the night princess. Flowing with energy. Her eyes blue blurs of magic, her brow arched downwards and dangerously furrowed.

“Oh, Greeting night princess, I hope you are having a good-“ was about as far as he got before a shard of flaming ice sailed past his face leaving a shallow gash in his cheek.

All at once he found he had pretty much every answer he had wanted and some he really hadn’t. This had something to do with that ancient pony proverb he had heard that, “the curiosity killed the cat.”

As with a lot of pony phrases this was obscure and abstruse, Winder preferred the griffon line which was much easier to understand which went as such, “curiosity killed the griffon who decided to walk down the alleyway while dangerous thugs smiled at you and whistled innocently with spiked big clubs behind their backs.” Unlike ponies, griffon saying didn’t bother with interpretation.

Winder didn’t waste time talking. He always believed his eyes and they were telling him, like his brain and his legs to get out of here and fast before an irate princess of the night flattened him like his Mors famous beatle pancake.

He took two quick paces backwards, and dived into a bush right as shards of flaming ice flew towards him.

And then…

And then Golden threw the bookcase down as she ran. It had the same effect of slowing down the charging griffon as throwing a stick in front of a tsunami.

She made it back towards Silver's side as he whined, grunted and wheezed through the corridor. It had only been twenty seconds of running but already her uncle looked as though the phrase “go in without me.” Was on the top of his tongue.

If they survived this, she would have to consider that maybe her uncle could stand to lose some weight.

They both turned the corridor corner. Well she turned, her uncle, led by unstoppable momentum, hit the wall and like a pinball, ricocheted off the wall and convincingly back in the direction they were running. The little cub clinging to his back let out a mewing giggle as though this was just some wild ride in the cart.

“W-What *wheeze* do w-we do.” He muttered through his ragged breath.

“Keep running.” Golden yelled, she would have thought that was obvious.

“Where are all these *gasp* griffons coming from?!”

“You remember those ‘ghosts’ I told you about?”

“Y-Yes?”

“Turns out, technically you were right, they weren’t ghosts at all, or the gardener, they were worse.”

Silver glanced over his shoulder, as the behemoth gave another gut churning roar. “You know *huff* I’ve n-never wanted to be m-more wrong in my life.”

Golden would have liked to have been wrong as well.
All she had done was get up for a glass of water in the night and to check up on the little princess.

That was when trouble had sprung. Or rather had already stepped in, taken a bat to the shelves, the crockery and the front door before walking out with a jaunty whistle.

She had found the little princess room utterly destroyed and the room empty. At least she had thought it had been empty. Before she could even shout for help a hulking figure had lifted itself up from the pile of books like a tectonic plate shifting up from the crust of the Earth.

It had taken one look at her, then bellowed something in Griffonian, loud enough to crack the glass around the room and charged at her without warning.

Which more or less brought her back to the predicament she was in now.

“Gi meg den ungen!” The Mammoth yelled, knocking over a table like someone would knock over an inconvenient can in the street.

Golden turned a corner and spotted two guards running forward in their direction.

“Thank the fields, we’re saved!” Golden said, waving at them, “Help over there, some maniac is chasing after us.” She said pointing, her hoof towards the bowling ball of muscle.

The two guards snapped to attention, both of them grabbing at their spears as they ran past Golden and towards the hulking griffon.

“Halt,” one of them yelled, spear at the ready. “In the name of the princess, I order you to-“ was as far as he got, before the griffon lifted him up with one claw like a rag doll. Then slammed him onto his partner, Sending them both sailing towards the wall.

Golden watched the event play out in a matter of nanoseconds, gulped and yelled. “Never mind, keep running!”

They got about as far as the end of the corridor before her Uncle collapsed. His fur slick with sweat and cosmetic products. “Golden… I can’t keep running.”

Golden glanced around, looking for something, anything to save them. Most ponies experience life through their work. For example Architects saw the world as one big blueprint. Mathematicians saw the world as one big problem that would have been easily solved a millennia ago. If not for all those blasted variables, (which is math talk for other ponies) would stop existing and Golden, unfortunately for her, saw all problems as one big joke.

As such, the first idea that came to her mind was not something that would have come to a guard. But then, she had seen how well that had worked.

Golden slowed down and grabbed at silver plates and candelabras on some random cabinet in the hallway.

“Golden, what in the fields are you doing?” Silver asked.

“Something I really wish I wasn’t.” She said, and then slowly, item by item, she started to throw them upwards and into a circle and began to juggle.

Clowns magic wasn’t quite like other magic. Most got theirs through the elements or through loosened patches in the trouser fabric of reality. Clowns got their power through extorting chuckles and uncomfortable cheeriness in others. In many ways clowns were just vampires without the teeth.

Though if you asked any sentient species who has been subjected to ten minutes of honking horns, eye bleeding colours and custard pies or vampires. Most would be rubbing their necks gleefully without a second thought.

By overbearing their audience into uncomfortable forced laughter they can go to higher extremes of clownishness. Why this has not been used to take over the world, comes down to the simple rule. Whatever power is taken must inevitably be returned. In simpler terms clowns are often taught at pratfall university, whatever pie was thrown upwards must also come back down presumably onto the face of the thrower.

To most it was the rule of cosmic irony. But to clowns this was known as Dr Sod’s law (3)

Despite all logic, Golden began to juggle, throwing more and more objects in the line as she ran backwards, picking up more dinner plates as well as picture frames, a mouse trap and the confused mouse next to it, who had just been ready to chow down were now somersaulting air with his lunch.

The charging griffon, whose relationship to imagination was to occasionally use his left fist to pummel others instead of his right, had not expected this. It halted for a moment as perplexed as Silver had been. In his experience, when he chased things they ran in terror, they didn’t stop to put on a show.

Slowly his massive head cocked sideways. The smile forming on his beak was almost childlike. Which was marginally better than murderous rage moments ago.

More and more objects flew into Golden's spinning circle, until finally she reached the pinnacle of her skill. When she could juggle no more objects, she allowed her hoof to thrust up even harder than she should have done and braces for impact.

An ornate vase went flying upwards, pinging off of something on the ceiling. Then landed on her head with a crash. Golden stumbled backwards as the objects around her clattered to the ground. The typical cosmic stars and birds swarmed around her head.

The griffon let out a bellowing chuckle. “Stupid pony.” He boomed in broken Eques. Then seeming to finally remember why he was here, he took another step forwards towards Silver. Which was exactly when the chandelier collapsed on top of him.

After all, any clown worth their nose understands that cosmic irony worked both ways after all.

Golden collapsed backwards onto the floorboards, she was vaguely aware of a voice in her ears and the shaking of her shoulder. “Golden are you alright?” Silver asked.

“I told you officer I didn’t know where the wig and glue came from, I was only trying to clean the windows.” Golden slurred back as slowly her uncle came back into view.

“Snap out of it girl.” Silver said, shaking her shoulders. The sounds of squeaky toys rattled around somewhere inside of her as consciousness slowly came back to her.

“Huh?” Golden said, sitting back up and blinking slowly, “what happened?” She asked.

“Golden, that was amazing. How did you know the chandelier would fall?” Her uncle asked.

“What chandelier?” Golden asked, looking at the now prone griffon, “I was just hoping the juggling would distract him long enough to think of something to stop him, I didn’t even see a chandelier.”

“Oh…” her uncle said frowning, then he shrugged, “well at least that’s all sorts-“

Before she could stop him from uttering those dreaded words, words like, “all’s well that ends well," and “everything worked out in the end.” And all the other taunting saying, that was to fate what painting your flank red and waggling it into the face of an irate bull was to assisted suicide. Golden heard the groaning of the mammoth griffon who was already slowly lifting himself back upwards.

Golden turned, spotting a room just around another bend in the hallways. “quickly inside while he’s still down!” She yelled shouldering her uncle and the cub through the door. Slamming the door shut behind them.

“Okay,” she said between gasps. “We should be safe inside here for now.” It took her a second to realise what she had just said and already she felt fate's cold and vengeful hand on her shoulder. In the form of a shadow that fell across the three of them.

Golden cursed her big red lipstick mouth as she gazed upwards.

And then…

And then Luna horn ignited. A shower of ice shards as sharp as a spear tip flew towards the griffon. It ducked behind a wizened oak tree just as the shards embedded into the tree which caught fire in a blaze of blue embers. She narrowed her eyes as she watched him dive through the hedge wall and away from her.

“You can run, but we will find thee!” She roared, though this went without saying. In fact if she so wanted to, she could have simply teleported in front of him, or even levitated him towards her with a flick of her horn and ended it all right then and there. But what would be the point of swift retribution? That never taught any pony anything.

Luna was a fan of executing her monarchical right to cruel and unusual punishment. After all her sisters had written it into her constitution.

Well, okay, perhaps it did not say that exactly. Perhaps if one was to look closely enough. If one really squinted hard at the text, one might find a few nor’s here and maybe an against there. But only if one was pedantic enough to look at the fine print (or even the thick print.) But who really had the time to read the whole thing verbatim?

The nobility and peasantry certainly didn’t, they seemed to argue its meaning at court every day. So why couldn’t she interpret her own meaning?

Luna chased after the overgrown feline. Thus what precipitated was a game of "unstoppable ball of monarchical righteous vengeance… and mouse.” To its credit, the griffon was smart enough not to fly. Perhaps he knew that if he had, it would have led to the most one sided game of clay pigeon shooting, since the dragon Lord Storm Scale had taken the phrase ‘shooting fish in the barrel,’ and applied it to an Aviary.

She glided over a hedge just in time to spot the griffon's gloved talon flapping behind a cedar tree. Smiling, she muttered, “the games is over.” as she blasted it with a powerful spell of pure liquid fire.

She watched as the tree evaporated into a molten puddle. “A good try, but your time is up griffo-“ she paused as she noticed the rubber glove, and the distinctive lack of a griffon attached to it in the puddle of tree bark and goo.

Blinking, she glanced around, just in time to spot it dashing off behind her towards the front of the gardens. “Cleaver lion.” She muttered, eyes narrowing as she continued to give chase.

“Stop, please, I am just gardener.” He yelled over its shoulder as he ran, his eyes widening as Luna lifted up an entire hedgerow root and all over her head.

“Ha, a likely story.” She roared charging forward. “We have heard every excuse before, face your doom assassin!”

This was true enough, she had heard just about every excuse from an assassin's lips. Such as one pretending to be a maid who had only been trying to fix her dress, only to later try and stab her from behind. Then there was that overly enthusiastic tea salesman who tried to poison her in the streets. The latest one had been the sneakiest, a so-called ‘photographer’ who was ‘looking for the bathroom.’

And no, just because that last one had led to a court case that Luna had ‘apparently’ lost did not prove anything. No pony had given sufficient evidence to suggest that his peculiar picture box for frozen images hadn’t been trying to steal her soul.

She threw one last bolt of blue flame just over his shoulder, engulfing one of the exits to the gardens. The griffon gave a yelp and instead flung himself towards the front gate of the house. There, now Luna knew there was nothing but an open court and a fountain there.

Nowhere to run, Nowhere to hide.

She skidded around the corner as bits of cobblestone and granite were sent flying in her mighty hoof prints. Horn cocked and loaded she aimed down the barrel of her horn tip.

And stopped.

In front of her was a curious sight. Instead of one griffon now there were two of them. The one she had been chasing and the one she quickly realised was the one that had been in her room, the one with a cloak over his body. The griffon that had been in her room was holding a knife to the one she had been chasing neck.

It seemed shaky, its knife arm vibrating unsteadily against the other griffon's neck. As soon as she came into its view, it barked something at her, in its foul native tongue.

“We do not speak your gibberish words knave, speak in proper Equestrian if you wish to address us.” Luna said, stopping only to see where this circus was going next.

The griffon, the one who’s robes now resembled an erratic loin cloth with extra steps furrowed its brow, turned to the griffon, this so-called gardener it was holding hostage and barked at it instead.

“H-He is saying, drop spinning magical ball of blue fire or I get it.” The so-called gardener translated, then he turned slightly and spoke to the griffon that growled something else at him, “and by it, he apparently means my death.”

Luna snorted derisively. “What makes you think I care if two assassins are taken care of together? How about I dispense with the choice and end you both?” She sneered.

The gardener considered this for a moment and spoke back to the knife wielding griffon, who seemed unsure of what was going on, this was probably the last answer he had expected. No doubt in his experience hostage holding didn’t make you feel less safe.

“I cannot speak for this griffon, but I would consider it a great blessing if you did not dispose of me, besides a great many reasons, the top being that I am a faithful tax paying citizen and the second being that I have not finished planting the sunflowers.” He said so laconically that Luna wondered for a second if the griffon had been making fun of her.

“Nice try.” She said slowly, “we do not know what you are trying to pull, but we shall not fall for it.”

“I am not pulling anything, Nothing to make you fall.” He said gulping audibly as the knife pressed further into his neck. “I am just gardener princess. I only out here trying to find the other griff-” he gulped as the other griffon growled at him pressing the knife closer to his throat.

“Cut out this pathetic charade.” Luna yelled. Though she had to admit her conviction was wavering somewhat. This griffon was a convincing liar. “Tell your comrade to release you otherwise there will be repercussions. If you do this now we shall be sporting, you will receive ten seconds head start before your total annotation.” She said with a self satisfied nod, that was more than fair she thought.

The harsher smaller griffon yelled something into the place where Luna supposed an ear would be, it gasped as the knife was held closer to the neck, sharp enough that it cut through some of the tops of its feathers.

“What is he saying now?” Luna asked.

“He is saying enough talk, he is saying if you let him go with the cub, you can save your ponies.”

Luna's eyes narrowed, what did this have to do with that little thing or her staff? “What does it mean by this?”

The gardener spoke to the griffon, who gave away a sickening smile, one that was mixed with satisfaction and fear.

“Oh dear?” The gardener said.

“What?” Luna asked.

“Oh no.” He said, his eyes widening.

“I demand you tell me this instant!” Luna yelled.

“He is saying that there are two more of his group here. Trained killers, one of them is prideless.” He continued to translate his face fixating into a horrified mask as he spoke the griffon's words. “He is saying that if you do not give us the cub you will lose everything. He is saying that his chief will take all you hold dear.” The gardener's gulp was almost audible. “He is saying that his chief has no heart and no soul, that he has no mercy, he is also saying that only if you give him the cub can he possibly spare you from a fate worse than death.”

Luna looked from the griffon to griffon. Brow raised, “Is this right?”

The gardener continued on. “Yes princess, He is saying that even now they are rounding up your maids and servants, that there will be reckoning, that you will not make us slaves. That his leader will make your kind wish they had never been-“

There was the sound of a high pitched squawking and then the gardener was let there standing. The only thing that remained in place of the other griffon was a few loose feathers and the knife which dropped softly onto the floor by the gardener's talons. The so-called gardener blinked a few times then turned to see the knife wielding griffon, who was now lying prone against the fountain behind them.

Slowly he turned back to face Luna.

“What?” Luna said incredulously, as the gardener stared back at her with wide accusing eyes, “do not look at us that way, it would have gone on forever. We have heard those threats a thousand thousand times.” Luna said, she rolled her eyes. “Burn down your homes, crush your armies, hear the lamentations of your mares, et-cetera.” She muttered waving her hoof. “Honestly do those cretins not have an editor?”

“But-” the gardener began, “-he was about to explain his plan, if you had kept him talking, then we could have worked out what they were doing next. Then-“

“-we heard enough,” Luna interrupted, “two more of his kind to deal with in the manor, he wishes to hurt my friends and servants and my,” she caught herself before something else could slip from her mouth and instead added, “my sister's little experiment, that is all the information we needed.” .

Blast it, she knew she should have been more careful in that dream, that little rodent chaser's dreams were still infecting her mind it seemed. She had to be more careful in the future. She shook the thoughts away as she turned and began to walk back towards the manor.

“Where are you going?” The gardener asked.

“Back to the manor, to root out this infestation.” She said curtly not looking back.

“What about chief. The prideless lion?”

“What about him?” She said with a disgusted snort. “He will be dealt with in the same manner as the rest of them. First we shall offer him the branch of diplomacy, then we shall beat him thoroughly with it.” She said turning away again.

“Princess please, prideless griffons very dangerous.” He said following behind her. “He has powerful rune.”

“Whatever little pebbles he thinks will protect him are no threat to me, what could they possibly do that would hurt me.” She scoffed, lighting up her horn.

It went without saying that Luna was a firm disbeliever in karma or destiny. She was of the belief that one was in control of their own luck and destiny. Unfortunately someone had forgotten to tell them that.

Just after the words left her lips, she felt something clip her horn. It felt for the briefest of moments as though one of her six senses had been switched off. (4) She stood there immobile, senseless, then she almost collapsed, staggering she caught a tree branch and barely kept herself standing.

“Jeg hater dere dumme ponnier!” a voice yelled horsley from behind her. She turned, her gaze blurred and unfocused, and could just about make out the sight of the griffon she had just blasted.

Like her, he was swaying and holding onto the fountain with all his might. His other talon gripped a weapon of some description, a sideways miniature bow that was aimed at her. The bow string vibrated as if it had just been fired.

Luna lit her horn, magic flared ready to reduce this miserable ball of feathers to mulch when a crippling pain inside her skull made her gasp. The magic built up from her horn, went wide and struck the fountain rather than the griffon.

Luna clutched her forehead. What felt like a convention of blacksmiths banging hammers wildly in her brain, she slumped barely staying upright.

She could see then the faint outline of that griffon smirking as it drew another arrow from his side and knocked it into the flat bow. He lined up the arrow aimed at Luna's chest.

“Si dine bønner måne heks!” He spat aiming the bow at her chest.

“Noo!” The griffon gardener yelled out. Jumping in front of them both. Luna watched as he shielded himself in front of her.

“What are you doing!?” She growled pointedly, still clutching her head.

“Shielding you from arrow. Is obvious no?” The griffon whispered back defiantly.

“Thou does realise that I am several hooves taller than you and all it would have to do is lift that weapon up an inch to hit us?”

The griffon considered this a moment then added in a slightly deflated tone, “Ah, you have point.”

“We shall both have points in us in a moment.” she growled through the pain. She had to focus her magic. But it felt as though all her magic was blocked somehow. Not like what her sister had used, that had felt like it had flicked a switch. This had felt as though it had violently yanked out.

The cloaked griffon sneered, his trigger talon twitched and then suddenly everyone froze. The only thing that was still moved was the ground itself.

A gurgling sound rumbled under them. It was like the sound of a bursting dam being squeezed through a mouse hole.

“What is this, an earthquake?” Luna yelled over the rumbling.

“No, worse… bad plumbing.” The so-called gardener said as the other griffon staggered, dropped his flatbow and held on tight to the alicorn statue.

Then suddenly it seemed to stop. There was a sound, like water being sucked down a drain and then all three of them stared up at the alicorn state.

It all happened so fast that Luna had to take a moment to realise what she was looking at. One moment the griffon and the statue were there. The next moment he and the statue were about three hundred hooves into the sky.

She could only tell it was him because of the screaming. She watched as it flew into nothing and then, almost half a minute later she caught the parabola of water arch back down towards the earth.

She would be among the last to show sympathy to a griffon. But even she had to grimace as she watched it crash through the roof.

Though the grimace was mostly because of the pain around the base of her horn. She staggered nearly slipping onto the ground then felt something grab a hold of her and keep her steady.

“Are you alright princess?” The gardener griffon said, barely holding her upright.

“Unhoof me!” She yelled, staggering away, the shiver of revulsion lingering where those claws had touched her skin, a familiar and holy unwanted feeling. “Keep those dirty talons to yourself.” She growled, far louder than she had meant to.

If the griffon seemed perturbed by that outburst he didn’t show it, “You should take rest, that arrow likely tipped with griffon-stone.” He said.

Luna, tired, in pain and irritated, grabbed the griffon by the chest feathers and heaved him up to meet her eyes. “How do you know this griffon-stone?” She growled

She had only just heard of it from her sister a little while ago when she had ambushed her. The power had shocked her, but she had been assured it was a rare and extremely costly material. Nothing some simple brigand would have access to.

“My Mor and Far were rune makers.” He grunted out hurriedly, “I know from watching them, griffon-stone feeds off magic, like battery, it must have taken magic stored in your horn.”

“So not content to steal my land or privacy, you griffons steal my magic as well. Is there no end to thine avarice?” She said her muzzle centimeters from his beak.

“Is temporary thing princess.” He assured her, “but you must rest, otherwise could have long lasting effects.”

Luna opened her muzzle to tell him exactly where he could stick his rest, when a cracking sound made them both turn. What sounded like the swan song of a wounded mastodon flooded the air. Feeling rather than hearing sounds of floorboards crashing inwards from somewhere in the manor.

Luna's eyes widened, thoughts of the danger to her charge galvanized her and she pushed away the pain and disorientation in her mind. She turned slowly back towards this mysterious griffon. Wanting nothing more than to tie him up to a tree until she sorted this business out.

But….

“Fine.” she growled, against her better judgment she lowered him back down to the ground. “You want to help, then you shall assist us for the moment, until you are no longer needed and if I find out that you are lying then...”

The griffons cocked his head. “Then?”

”Then things get rather difficult for you.” She said with a genuine smile. She had quite enough with these griffons for one day. She stumbled, righted herself, aimed her addled body towards the mansion.

And then...

Author's Note

(1)The other thirty five percent of the noble ponies' brain capacity were best summed up by the short lived Nobus society. It ran under the campaign of ‘kicking out the poor from Canterlot,’ ‘fining anypony who couldn’t tell a salad fork from a hay fork,’ and ‘the extension of slavery to anyone who didn’t have a knighthood.’ It was short-lived, not for its policies. But because after the first week, it had already had sixteen failed coups and seventeen different party leaders.

(2) In actual fact, Canterlot had not burned down in many years. The last time that had occurred was almost twenty five years ago when thirteen different establishments all inexplicably caught fire at once around the city. Curiously this also coincided with a brand new policy called the “fire insurance decree” that was pushed hurriedly through the court just a day before by the very owner of the burned establishments. Sadly the cause of the fire and the event remains a tragic and unsolvable mystery.

(3) Dr Sod’s law’s quantum clown conundrum states that “whatever possible thing could go wrong, will go wrong.”

(4) Creatures of Eques have six senses, taste, touch sight, smell, sound and magic. In Actuality ponies also have a lesser known seventh sense referred to as music. This music, is believed to be a form of contagious hypnotic trance which can last at least five whole minutes of runtime. It is usually the cause of most civic traffic jams and late fees and is best avoided at all costs, as the victim usually wakes up five minutes later disoriented, with no memory of what had happened and, if they’re lucky, on the other side of town.

And Then... (Part Two)

And then Iron Hoof turned around from his desk and spotted two ponies and the little cub inside his room. One of them panting hard. The princess looked as though she was having the best time of her young life and the other, sharp dressed one, looked as though he was on the brink of cardiac arrest. Although based on what Iron had seen of him, the larger stallion seemed to have that look simply standing around.

He would have preferred someone knock. That was the gentle bull way of things. But he supposed perhaps standards had changed. He had been away from Canterlot for nearly twenty years after all. It was strange having ponies back at the manor. He had spent almost a year now with nothing but rats as company.

They were certainly cleaner and better organized than his usual visitors. But they were rather poor in the way of conversation. “Squeak,” could only get you so far at the dinner table and their talk of setting up a utopia of the common working rat under the crushing bourgeoisie oppression of cats was becoming rather tiresome.

He lifted the candle up towards them, “ah the young Silver, and the younger Princess, how may I help you two today?”

“There’s a big griffon trying to kill us!” A maid, one in rather too much make-up to be healthy, yelled at Silver side.

Iron Hoof stared at them with a deadpan glare, then slowly he started to chuckle. “Oh, you must mean Winder, he’s no harm at all, unless you're a weed, I keep telling him to not wear that bee-mesh indoors, he’s going to scare the dickens out of someone someday.”

“Forget about dickens, this guy’s after us, some big monster, he’s destroying the manor and he’s trying to take the princess' daughter.”

Iron hoof blinked, his face forming a deadpan expression, “Really? That doesn’t sound like something Winder would do?”

“It’s not Winder! It’s somepony else.” She said pointing towards the door.

Iron furrowed his brow, stroking his snout with thought, it couldn’t be true, who would dare wreak havoc when the monarch was home who could… and then realisation dawned. “This someone,” he said slowly, pointedly. “You said he’s trying to steal the princess?”

“Yes, he was trying to take her away somewhere.”

“And he was destroying the manor?” He asked, mounting suspicion growing in his voice.

“Well he wasn’t fixing it much.” She said, in what might have been sarcasm if her bubbly voice was capable of anything but saccharine sweetness.

Slow dread crept down the old minotaur back like a tickle fight with the grim reaper. There was only one friend who would steal the princess daughter out from his snout and destroy his manor. Only one dastardly evil in this world who would sink that low.

Iron hoof swallowed, he had been preparing himself for this day all his life. “So the time has come, has it?” He muttered looking back at the mirror, he had hoped that he would not have been this old before his final destiny would come to fruition.

But time waits for no bull.

“What, do you know about this?” Silver wheezed out, finally catching his breath.

“Fear not little ones, I have trained my entire life for this moment.” He said drawing himself up to his full height. The two ponies stepped back as he cracked his neck muscles and fingers.

“Wait, how could you?” The maid asked. “You haven’t even seen him yet.”

“Oh, but I have seen them in my dreams. I have fought this evil all my life. There is not a day I visualise them.”

“What do you mean you saw them in your dreams who are you-“

“Those damn Buckley manor stooges!” Iron Hoof roared over Silver. The name as usual left a sour taste on his tongue. “The rival manor in the next village! Of course they would strike now, steal my finest accomplishment of hosting the newest princes of the realm.”

He slammed his fist into his palm, of course it was the only thing that made sense.

“Um… I don’t think it has anything to do with-” Silver was about to say when the maid placed a hoof over his jowls.

“Oh yeah,” she said, nodding her head vigorously, oddly the sounds of a squeaking toy emitted from each nod. “You’re right, of course it must be them, that would explain why he was saying you couldn’t polish silverware to save your life and your table manners were lousy.”

“Lousy?!” Iron Hoof yelled, lifting himself up so quickly that the stool and table flipped upwards and crashed somewhere in the distance. “Oh that does it!” He growled. He reached for the hem of his nightgown and ripped them off in one fell swoop.

There was a pause, as the two ponies stared blankly for a moment, then slowly the maid placed a hoof over the hatchlings eyes.

“Eh?” Silver uttered.

“What?” Iron Hoof asked, looking down at them.

“Why are you wearing half a suit?” Silver said tactfully, placing his hoof over Golden's eyes.

“It’s the state of the art combat butler suit, I designed it myself, butler in the front, flexibility in the back.” he said with a proud nod.

“But it doesn't have a back, in fact it barely has a front?” He said.

Iron Hoof looked down at his suit, it had everything required in a black tie event. Well it had a black tie and a white shirt and waistcoat… Okay perhaps he had gone a little overboard on the function side over everything else.

He sighed, putting on some pants and then said, “Do not worry, we shall take care of this rabble before the midnight brunch.” he said, pulling the little stocking caps from his horns. "come my dear lad, watch how the mighty Iron crushes his foes.

They walked out into the hallway, Iron eyes glared around the hallways, bit it didn’t take long to find the culprit. Even with his poor eyesight it was hard to miss a screaming brown boulder of a griffon charging towards him.

“Trying to take the manor by force, aye?” He said to the charging smudge of brown in his vision. “Couldn’t handle being second best after all, you dastardly swine!” He said adjusting his tie, “I always knew you would come.”

“I crush you big cow.” The griffon spat in broken Eques, its neck veins looking like snakes under his plumage.

Iron Hoof let out a calm breath through his snout and then took a crouching stance, arms forward as though to stop a rampaging wagon. His fingers wiggled as he placed his palms in front of him. Then he lowered his horns.

The griffon charged at the same time Iron Hoof did. braces for impact, collided onto him, the Minotaur smashed into the griffon. The two locked into a titanic clash of brawns.

Sparks flew as talons scraped against horns. The griffon was strong but he was just that. A weaker bull might have buckled under the pressure. But Iron Hoof held his ground, one did not work in the friend of noble customer service without developing a will strong enough to make a veteran mercenary tilt his head in mutual respect. (1)

They lunged at one another again, Iron Hoof grunted, overpowering this griffon was like trying to overpower a brick wall. Instead he traded blow for blow. “Stupid cow, I break you,” the griffon growled, his talons balled into a fist and struck Iron hoof across the face.

Iron Hoof's response to this was the age-old response of any well educated Minatour. He leaned back and slammed his head into the griffon beak. Unfortunately, unlike every other time he had done this. It did not seem to stagger the griffon at all. It was starting to become clear to Iron Hoof that the only thing inside of the griffon's skull…was more skull.

The griffon fist struck Iron hoof in the stomach and buckled him over. Legs shaking he tried in vain to stop the tirade of blows from hitting him. But the griffon just kept coming. He hit the ground.

The griffon gave a chuckle that sounded like thunder rolling through a summer storm “weak little cow.” He boomed, then Iron hoof watched as it balled its fists up together ready to bring it down onto his back.

Iron hoof could only stare upwards, his mind flickering back to the best moments of his life, buffering the silverware, serving tea, polishing the giant silver peacock statue… Truly a life well spent.

At least he would go out giving those damn Buckley’s a thrashing. Make his father proud, and he could sit at the great China shop in the sky and look his great ancestor Skull Crusher in the eye and headbutt him with pride.

It was by gazing up in that moment waiting for the final hammer to fall, Iron hoof spotted something peculiar. For half a nano second, he thought he could see the floorboards above him breaking open. In the next nanosecond he spotted an image of a griffon, face pulled back in terror and g-force holding onto what looked like the alicorn statue that had been in the front garden.

Then Iron Hoof blinked. There was an ungodly sound of distraction and splintered wood. When he opened his eyes the large griffon was gone. As were most of the floorboards in front of him.

He had only another nanosecond to steady himself, to see the glow of those accursed artifacts in the basement. Then slowly he heard a cracking sound.

He had just enough time to turn back towards the two ponies and the cub behind him and say. “The floor, it’s about to collap—“

And then.

And then He watched Hendric fall through the roof.

He couldn’t help it, He smiled. He’d always had what others described as an odd sense of humor. For instance, when He had laughed himself to tears at his drunken excuse for a fathers funeral. Or when He had gone to work in the slaughterhouse at the age of ten and two and watched those stupid animals line up for what they thought was dinner.

Well in a way it was, just not theirs.

He’d made attempts to be “normal” once or twice. He had tried to smile and be pleasant when some big named old crone of a chief had come to visit his pride. It wasn’t his fault that his smile was the same one you saw on a crocodile, when the buffalo came too close to the watering hole. That, or the smile of a snake when the mouse wanders too close.

It wasn’t his fault that when he smiled, others made excuses about leaving the fire on in the hut or pretended their grandmother was calling them. Despite the fact the old hag had been pushing up daisies for the past three winters.

After a while he’d give up pretending. Life had gotten so much easier when you stopped pretending to be what you're not. When he had stopped hiding the fact he felt no remorse for anyone else. When he stopped caring if someone got hurt. When he started caring about hurting others…

Yes, life had gotten easier. Richer too, though he had no real use for money, that was just the way to keeping score. He walked over from the vantage point in the roof and stared down at the new hole in it. Well life had gotten so much easier for him anyway, for poor stupid Hendric, not so much.

He had to admit, this wasn’t his best work. This was not exactly the plan he had come up with. But then when you hired fools to do the work of a real professional, you had to work with some contingencies.

He knew in his line of work you got what you could take. He hadn’t wanted thinkers, not that thinkers would do a job like this in the first place. He wanted meat shields and that was exactly what he got. He didn’t want thugs that asked questions, the only questions He was used to hearing went something along the lines of, “if I give you all my money can I keep my leg?” and that sort of thing.

And anyway, someone had to take the blame, wars didn’t start themselves. If nobody knows who threw the first punch. In that regard these idiots were practically overqualified for the job. Nationalist, patriotic dullards. All he had to do was say the word ‘damn (insert species) taking all our (insert job of said species) next they’ll be coming for our own (insert species female pronoun)’ and they practically lined up to be his expendable arrow-fodder.

He watched the ponies, griffons and minotaur as the floor collapsed. Watched as they screamed and the dust obfuscated his vision. Then yelling stopped, only the gentle glow of red could be seen through the mist.

An ominous sight, a symbolic sight he might have noticed, if he had not been too busy suppressing his laughter.

Frankly he could have packed his bags up now and gone back to his employer and considered the whole job complete. But he was a professional and a professional never left a job half done, or a war half started. After all, those ponies would do just about anything for their peace and harmony.

But if their princess was stolen, or worse, well… even for them, peace had its limits.

He glided down through the gaping hole in the roof, down past the layers of floors that the statue had torn through and into the basement.

He glanced around at the damage. Most of the debris had fallen around the ponies and not on them which was a shame. Perhaps those artifacts had protected them from damage. One glowing mirror stood, practically untouched erect in the middle of the room. Its reflection showing some random forest in the middle of its swirling light.

He ignored it, he had no interest in magic in his line of work, he liked to do things the personal way. He turned at the sound of a wheezing cough and spotted the fat pony in the ludicrous suit wheezing and barely coherent on the floor.

Idoly, because of how his mind worked he wondered how protective that blubber actually was. He felt his talon itching at the thought. He always liked impromptu science experiments from time to time. He saw things in a different way to others, as in, he saw others as things.

That’s why his pride had named him as prideless, why they had cast him out. But he always introduced himself as a mover. He moved things, yes sometimes those things were other species and it was generally to the bottom of a river bed or into a hastily dug hole.

He liked his job. It was easy, Like stealing candy from a foal, or a worm from a cub.

Speaking of…

He had just moved away from the downed stallion, when he caught a little whimpering from somewhere in his vicinity.

He turned to see something small and brown on top of the fat stallion. The cub. It seemed that she had been practically shielded from any of the damages. The stallion was like a walking waterbed. His fat was sort of protective armour for her.

She was letting out a cry as she placed her tiny claw on the stallion's unmoving muzzle. He chuckled, others would have found it quite touching perhaps, but he just found it amusing.

His claw kicked aside a small pebble as he approached. The little cub's head turned to face him. The two of them locked eyes. The looks she gave him reminded him of the look a rabbit might have given, when he aimed the flatbow at it, or the dog, or Mr Featherweights last month. Those dewy and wet eyes that prey often got when they spot the end of everything staring back.

“Don’t you worry, I won’t hurt you.” He said, flashing his reptilian smile. Sadly for him, it seemed that even a one year was not buying that. She scurried as fast as her little legs could, hiding behind the fat prone stallion, crouched behind his jacket.

He couldn’t blame her, if even his mother couldn’t trust his face, then what shot did he have with a hatchling? He moved closer as she buried her face deeper into the fat stallion side. Her eyes glistening and just barely visible over his tuxedo.

Finally instincts took over and she tried to run. But it was far too late for that. He snatched her up by the back of the neck. The cub gave out a whimpering hiss trying to lash out at him with her tiny claws. “Little rabbit has claws I see.” He smirked, he liked it when the prey fought back. It kept things interesting.

“Oh come now, I’m not going to hurt you now, I have standards.” He said, leaning back from her claws. “I can’t speak for later though, when my employer gets a hold of you, she even scares me.” He chuckled to himself. Then paused as something grabbed ahold of his ankle.

“Let…go of her.” A groaning voice announced somewhere below Him. He frowned, glancing around then down at his back paws.

He glanced downwards spotting the clown half hurried in the detritus of the collapsed floor. “You're hurting her, put her down now!”

He made a show of considering that for half a second, “hmm, no.” He said, trying to shrug her off. But she was stronger than she looked.

“You..won’t get away with this.” She groaned.

He closed his eyes and let his smile break across his beak. Oh it just never got old. Every time, every single time, that feeling of hope or defiance. Bless them, it made his job so much more fun.

“Say it again.” He whispered almost to himself.

“W-what?” She said, her defiance cracking slightly.

He reached into his robe and pulled out the loaded flat bow, and in one swift motion, pointed it at her forehead. To her credit she didn’t shy away, he had to admire that. “I love when they say that. Say it again please?”

“S-screw you!” She cursed but there was doubt on her muzzle now.

“No-no, stop pretending to be brave, it’s not the same, say it again, come on with feeling.” He said then an idea came to him. “I know, how about some motivation?” He said, some inspiration always got the best out of others his mother had always told him, he drew the bow slowly away from her and pointed it at the dangling cub.

The reaction he got was priceless.

The mare's eyes opened wide, even trapped under the floorboards she fought to free herself as she screamed “Don’t!”

“Then say the magic words.” He said, leaning down at her, Tatarus, he could almost taste her fear.

“The princess will come and then you’ll be sorry.” She said, trying desperately to dislodge herself, her panicked eyes still not leaving the cub.

“Oh don’t worry about her, I got my own way of dealing with that one. This is about me and you right now. Stop stalling and say the magical words.” He said, growing a little inpatient, he felt his talon twitching on the trigger, one little flicker, one little bit of muscle contracting and it would all be over like that.

"Say, the words." he hissed.

“Fine then.” A voice boomed from behind him. “You shan’t get away with this.” The voice carried dread like the sound of ice cracking under someone’s heels in the middle of a frozen lake.

He turned right just in time to see a bolt of ice aimed for his head.

And then...

Silver looked up at the great fields above feeling rather short changed. For a start they were not green but a sort of moldy sickly seaweed colour. Second of all, instead of the ever glowing sun that others had preached of, all he could see was a sanguine red like a nightlight for the criminally deranged, and it was starting to make his eyes water.

Oh and there was something else. Something important… oh yes, he was also in a tremendous amount of pain for some reason. If this was the great field, frankly he was already considering summering in Tartarus.

As he stared up half dazed, he could hear voices in the distance.

He turned his gaze towards the noise. Spotted something strange. It was for all intents and purposes a griffon. But something about it seemed off. It was as though it was a griffon. But also something more. Like he was staring at the outlines of something, like it wasn’t there but its shadow was.

Then he spotted the little princess, dangling above him. Clutched in the talons of the shadow griffons claws, pecking at each sharp scaly digit with an indignant look on her face, that almost reminded him of Luna herself.

Then out of nowhere. A bolt of blue fire lashed against the griffon. Simultaneously another burst of brilliant pink exploded out to block the bolt. But the force of it flung the griffon backwards.

The little princess suddenly now suspended in the air by nothing but her tiny flapping wings lingered for half a second in the air, before landed, on something soft. Much to Silver's chagrin it was his stomach.

He let out a wheeze as the little lioness landed claws first onto his already aching chest. It went so far to say that not just cats landed on their feet. Sadly Silver had always been more of a dog pony.

He tried to rise but found himself pinned against something. He was about to call out for help when without warning something pulled him and the princess out of the detritus like a toddler pulling a rag doll from under the sofa, he blinked and when he opened his eyes he was face to face with princess Luna.

“Find the others and get thee gone.” She commanded, “we shall deal with this.”

“But,” he said then stopped as he gazed at her, Luna looked almost worse than he felt. Her legs shaking, her vision unfocused as though she had no more understanding of what the heck was going on that he did.

“Did my voice broker argument?!” She wincing with pain, an arrow flew past in between the two of them and she flinched back, then flung a spell towards the edge of the room.

The griffon weaved in and out of the shadows. Moving behind artifacts that hissed at him and in the case of one book tried to bite him. A shadow drew over the two of them and Luna launched Silver and the cub away, just as a chunk of rock landed where they had both been standing.

“Flee you fools!” She roared. Silver could see the pink and blue light set across the harshness of the red around the chunk of brick that had come between them.

“Luna, Luna!” He tried to yell over the noise of the battle raging between them, eyes watering from the ancient dust obscuring the room.

Something grabbed him from the side. Another griffon, but unlike the others, this one wasn’t trying to kill him at least. “We must leave. This mansion is unstable, you must take little princess away.”

“Who are you, Golden, where’s Golden?” He managed to croak out, as the cub crawled onto his back and chirped, staring fixedly around the slowly collapsing room.

The griffons didn’t relent. “I am Winder, I find them, you must go.”

“I’m not leaving without her!” Silver yelled, he couldn’t remember the last time he had truly yelled. He’d bottled every bit of emotion away, but now they were bubbling up in him.

The griffon opened his beak when suddenly the mansion gave a sickening crunching sound. A great shudder passing through the foundation. One of the artifacts began to float upwards. Clearly even powerful occult artifacts didn’t want to deal with this mess.

“Come out and face us, coward.” Luna's voice roared from somewhere in the melee. Pain was fueling her rage, in the distance a Column containing a book smashed against a wall.

Silver turned, he had to find his niece now. He pushed through the debris as the battle raged on. He caught flashes of magic and books flying literally off the shelves leather pages flapping like a bats wings. His eyes flickered nervously as he grew more desperate until he was almost ready to consider the worst.

“Over here!” Winder yelled, Silver turned on the spot and saw Winder clutching onto his niece. “Thank the fields above!” He muttered to himself as he saw a ragged looking Golden emerging from what was left of a wooden beam.

Her mane was a curly mess of tangled knots, her make up sneered into white panda dots across her muzzle and her maid uniform was torn and tattered. All in all, except for a bit of dirt, she looked practically untouched from her usual self.

More importantly she wasn’t hurt. Silver ran, which was to say he moved his legs and his weight threw him forwards towards her like a Newton’s cradle.

“Golden, are you okay?” He said, pulling her into a hug.

“I’m fine uncle, where’s the princess?” She asked, her answer came when the cub jumped from Silver's back, latching onto her face. A series of chirps and little wing flaps as the cub purring form nuzzled Golden.

Silver was not an emotional pony, but he felt himself choking back a stifled tear as he watched them. It didn’t last long. “Where’s princess Luna?” Golden asked through a muffled mouth full of feathers.

As if on cue, a radiant blast cracked through the dust, a beam of pure blue energy. They all shielded their eyes bracing themselves as the blast struck against a bubble of pinkish hue.

The two figures locked into a tight struggle, Luna grimacing as she forced all her energy into the blast. The griffon holding the rune upwards in both claws, smiling as he did so.

“å nei, we have to stop her!” Winder said at his side.

“What’s going on?” Silver yelled through the cacophony.

“Griffon stone, it is absorbing her magic, like battery!”

“How is that a bad thing?” Silver asked, “Griffon stone isn’t a weapon, he can’t do anything with it can he?”

“Weapon is one thing.” Winder said, shifting his gaze around the room. “But occult artifacts power by magic. Grow stronger for magic. If connected to battery then...” he didn’t need to finish the sentence.

Silver suddenly became aware of all the mysterious and potentially dangerous objects around that decorated the room. Actually it was easier to say that they were the room and the four walls were just the technicality.

“Oh dear.” He said with the sudden realisation of the mouse that had seen the free cheese on the strange wooden board in the middle of the room, only to hear the metallic clicking sound a second too late.

“We need to tell the princess, we cannot.” Winder didn’t finish the sentence. Luna let out one final roar, flinging all her magic into a blinding light towards the griffon.

The griffon had no choice, he shielded his eyes with one wing and Luna charged. His eyes went wide for half a second as he pulled out the flatbow and fired. The bow struck her side but she didn’t seem to even notice. She roared as she charged, smashing the rune aside with her wing and grabbing a hold of the griffon. Lifting him into the air with one hoof.

Everypony watched as the Griffon was lifted boldly, his claws wrapping around Luna's hoof, everypony watched, everyone waited, well almost everyone.

Silver, having trained his senses to detect disaster in every format and with years of dealing with princesses, who court disaster as though it was the last stallion before the bar closed. Stared fixedly at the rune as it slipped like a stone against water across the room and landed almost lackadaisical against the leg of something.

Silver, with that mounting dread that left every hair not glued down with a tub of mane gel standing upright followed the embroidered legs up towards a mirror. Glowing softly in the center or of the room. Showing a stretch of green forest inside of its ripple surface.

There was an almost imperturbable sense of quiet as though fate was cracking its knuckles and lifting up its arms to conduct the final orchestra note.

Then the rune grew almost incandescent as pinkish light seeped its way up the legs of the mirror and all of a sudden the room exploded with light.

What followed next was like a tempest in a teacup. If the tea cup was a moldy basement and the tempest was an arch of unknown, unquantifiable amount of magic power. Actually, now that he considered it, to Silver, it was more like a stick of dynamite in a Porter potty.

Magic tendrils flew out from the mirror spiraling like a hurricane of magic and, with the same irresistible pulling power. Chunks of brick and mortar not stuck down flew from the aging walls and were sucked into its ethereal maw.

Silver, even with his venerable mass, found himself being pulled towards the swirling vortex. He grabbed a hold of bit of rusted popping rooted to the ground.

Every pony scrambled. He watched as temporarily distracted, Luna turned to face the portal, eyes wide. When she turned back the griffon was ready. Both legs lifted and he kicked hard into her face. Luna stumbled backwards, weakened, she tried to right herself, wings flapping.

Then behind Silver somepony screamed. He turned and spotted Golden. “Uncle!” She wailed, her hooves flailing.

He reached out and by sheer luck grubbed her hoof, the two suspended in the air, as though they were flying.

“Hold on!” He roared over the whipping wind of magic.

Golden's panicked eyes focused on him, then towards her back. The little cub was holding on to Golden's mane, but her tiny claws were slipping.

All at once her grip failed. Golden glanced back for only a second at Silver. As an Earth pony, it took only a split second for him to read her face.

“Golden, no!” He yelled, just as she let go.

She caught the cub in mid air. Her hooves pulling the cub against her chest. Silver watched helplessly as the two flew through the air. Just as Luna took another step backwards. Her unfocused gaze could only register shock as the two of them knocked into her. What little balance she had left was gone. She crumpled as all three of them sailed into the air and then into the irresistible pull of the eye of the portal's storm.

There was the briefest of flash and then all three of them were gone.

Silver gasped, as he tried to keep his grip on the pipe. Tried to find away out from this. He saw others being pulled into the portal. That griffon that had attacked Luna held on longer, but as close as he was to the portal even he couldn’t hold on forever. He vanished into its spiraling vortex.

Winder gave out a panicked squawk as a piece of the wall he had been holding onto broke off sending him flying backwards. Next the mountain of a griffon, still unconscious, flew wordlessly into the portal, stuck there like a stubborn bit of toilet paper on a horseshoe before being sucked in. Then Iron Horn in much the same way.

Silver couldn’t look anymore. He felt the piece of brick and mortar loosening in his hooves. He had to think, he needed to get out of here. Get out, find Celestia, yes that was a plan. Find help, any help he could, he just need to hold on, he needed to-

“Ooh, I did not see this coming, this is a much better plan than I had!” Something spoke by his side. Silver turned spotted a pair of mismatched legs, arms, well frankly mismatched everything.

“Discord?!” Silver yelled, utterly bewildered at the sight.

Discord stood there watching it all, sipping casually with a glass of chocolate milk in his paw. As though he was taking a stroll through a park.

No, this was good, Silver considered. Use every opportunity one could find, he could use Discord, make his way back to Canterlot, tell Celestia and then.

“Geronimo!” Discord yelled, throwing the glass over his shoulder.

Silver watched in as all his plans suddenly took a leaping dive bomb into the air, summer salted and then vanished into the portal.

He really, should have seen that coming.

He felt the concrete losses again in his hooves. More and more of the floor was collapsing around him and being sucked into the portal, falling into a magical mirror being sucked into fields knew where?

Slowly, but by bit his hoof slipped until the brick came loose. He watched himself falling away from the wall, watched the ceiling finally collapse around the cellar, crumbling. The full red light vanished along with everything else.

Bright blinding light infused his vision, his life flashing before his eyes. Scrolls and scrolls tied in need ribbons of lies.

Even now, his mind making every deal and back door hustle it could to whatever deity was listening. He survived this, he would be a new stallion, he would workout, he would give away his money to poor unfortunate animals, pet the poor, whatever it was ponies where supposed to say at this time.

He would never tell another lie again.

Of course that was a lie, but at this point it was worth a shot, right? Silver closed his eyes, feeling the tingling of magic all around his fur all around his legs and mind.

And then...

End of part one.

Author's Note

(1) It goes without saying that war is hell. But being asked daily “where the vegetable aisle is (to which the questioner is currently standing in.)” or “Do you have the cat litter that smells like candy floss?” Or perhaps even, “can I have a cheeseburger with no cheese?” is widely regarded as another layer of hell even the gods of the vilest order fear to tread.

Apologies for the lateness of this chapter. Work and Baldurs Gate are ravaging my life right now.

Noblemares and Nightmares

Ahh, Finally, it’s been sooo long!

How have you been, have you missed us? I missed you, I thought about you every year, every month, every second that we were not together.

But it seems you don’t feel the same? You hardly visited us, once a month perhaps you’ll glance our way. Then you would be gone without so much as a second thought.

WHY?!

Sorry, I didn’t mean to yell like that. I just missed you, I care too much, that's all. But don’t worry, we’re not mad at you, it’s not your fault. We know who to blame. Who will get punished.

This isn’t exactly how I planned for this, it's all progressing faster than I hoped, but you know what they say about the best layed plans of mice and gods.

Oh but what’s this? You’re being sooo rude, when were you going to introduce us, two whole weeks and yet you haven’t bothered to present us to your new daughter. My, you have changed haven’t you. You used to tell us everything. But I see you haven’t even named her yet have you?

Well, don’t worry, we have a name and I’m sure she and I will be getting to know one another so very intimately. I know you say you don’t want me anymore.

But obviously, you don’t mean that.

Once we’re done, we’ll be together again, just like old times, one big family. My precious moon-child.

But since you're here now. Since we have all this time, let’s take a trip down memory lane, for old times sake. A reminder of why you needed me. Hmm, what to pick, there's sooo much to choose from. Oh I know, how about this one, after all that’s how this whole thing got started isn’t it? How about one a night until we see each other again?

What, no you don’t want it? Is it too painful?

TOO BAD!

Anyway let’s begin, how did it start again… oh yes, I remember…

Part Two

“Luna, Lu, are you okay?”

Luna cracked open one tired eye, she had just been having the strangest dream. Dreams of manors and young infant griffons. Overweight stallions and maids dressed like jesters. If she was being honest the whole thing was a bit too strange and convoluted for her tastes. Whoever had woven that dream desperately needed an editor. But still, there was something important about it all, wasn’t there, something to do with...

“Lu, wake up, now!”

Luna groaned, eyes still closed, she needed to find out what it was she was forgetting.

There was an impatient growl somewhere above her as whatever had been calling to her stomped away, followed by blessed silence. Luna let a smile cross her face, soon replaced by another dream. This one was of cheering crowds, she sat in front of a parade of ponies in a guided throne of onyx, sapphire and black marble. The empress of the world, yes this was a much better dream.

Her sister sat next to her, joint empress. Albeit in an equally impressive, if slightly smaller, more humbling throne. Just to make absolutely sure every pony knew the real score.

But instead of feeling the anointing oil, which to be honest smelled suspiciously like last week's leftover cooking oil. Luna felt a blast of Ice cold water splashed across her muzzle. She gasped, sitting bolt upright. The bright sunlight burned into her gaze.

“What in the blazes!” Luna roared, tried to anyway. Caught with water in her nose and at that awkward age where the voice went from high pitched, to an octave that made dogs come running, instead she screeched out, “W-we shall see we thee tarred and feathered for this.” Then halfway through another line of threats she stopped.

She had not expected to see her sister, towering above her. Nor the weaponised scowl that was pointed like an arrow tip at her. But she had really not expected to see was tears brimming around her narrowed eyes.

“Where have you been?” Celestia growled, hoof stomping on the grass, “I have been looking for you for nearly two days, I had to petition the guards across the whole city to look for you.” She said, wiping a tear away with one hoof and jabbing Luna's chest with the other.

“I- we, what?” Luna mumbled, looking around. That was an excellent question. She didn’t remember where she was or what had been happening. Last thing she could remember was snippets of a dream, she was in some ancient manor, her sister had sent her off there perhaps? But that couldn’t have been right, her sister was standing right in front of her.

“You had me worried sick.” Celestia chided, jabbing Luna hard enough to send her inching backwards. “I haven’t slept in days, worried you’d gone off to play adventurer and gotten hurt. Then I find you sleeping under a tree, covered in, what is that watermelon?”

Luna, whose grasp on reality at the moment was tantamount to a mountain climber who was dangling from a fraying rope and quickly realising that a buy one get one free deal isn’t always a good bargain, glanced down at herself.

“What…melon?” She said, spotting red flesh and seeds across her fur. The floor around her was dashed with the green carcass of the giant fruit.

Two thoughts bumped into one another at the same time, tried to cross, got mad and began fist fighting in her mind. One yelling that she had someplace important to be, that something about all this wasn’t right. The other, louder one yelling something entirely different.

Sudden dreadful realisation did not so much strike her as climb to the top of the rope, cupped one ear to the crowd then dive elbow first towards her mind.

“Oh no.” She muttered, staring at the massacred fruit. “Oh no, oh no-no-no.” She said scrambling onto the floor.

“It’s too late to prostrate yourself sister.” Celestia said, folding her legs in front of her chest and sticking her chin into the air.

Luna grabbed at the flesh of the melon, trying to put them back together like some bizarre vegetarian jigsaw puzzle gone horribly wrong.

She grabbed what might have been the top of the Mellon, or the bottom and began to mush the red flesh back into the rind. Which only amounted to small mounds of fruit flying onto the mud, her white toga and onto one ant who couldn’t believe its luck.

Celestia let her muzzle down a fraction as she opened her eyes a fraction and then glanced puzzlingly at Luna. “What are you doing?”

Luna, who’s own eyes were now wide and frantic, grabbed her sister’s shoulders, “where is grandfather!?”

“Walking the gardens last I saw him, that is hardly the point Lu-“

“-Walking the gardens! Whereabouts?” Luna interrupted with that manic look that one might get when they cut a wire on the bomb and see the countdown start to go faster.

“Lu’ stop, you are hurting me.” Celestia winced. Before Luna could continue, something blocked out the very sun. Icy shivers tap danced down her spine as she turned to see who it was.

He didn’t speak, he didn’t have to. His one raised brow spoke volumes, the omnipresent frown on his thick grey beard added at least three more chapters to that collection. The slightest twitch of sunken wrinkled head had the same effect as a slap to the posterior of a misbehaving little foal. In many ways, despite being nearly a hundred, Luna was very much still a foal in the eyes of this stallion.

It would have been bad if it was just him. But Luna could see behind him his ever present accompanying Arch-lords, the stallions who made the world. It went without saying that no mares were in this parade of council members. (1)

“It seems that my granddaughter cannot stand still for more than twenty minutes?” The imposing stallion, the founder and king of Equestria said. Not to Luna, he never talked directly to her when he was angry. He spoke as though she wasn’t even there. “Stuck in her own little dream world perhaps?”

“Mares minds often wander sire.” Said a well groomed stallion next to him. The Arch Chancellor, the loathsome little worm that was, as ever, glued to her grandfather's side. “They say it has something to do with that new fangled ‘science’ thing the alchemists are always talking about. Mares brains are uncannily like magpies apparently, hence the obsession with preening and Jewelry.” He smiled softly, looking over Luna’s shoulder towards her sister at Celestia who scowled back at him.

Oftentimes, such “facts” spoken by the mysterious “they”, usually came from deeply ironic sources, such as politicians that complain about crime rate, whilst stealing everything not nailed down to their desk. Or the religious figures that condemn certain sinful practices and then are later seen fleeing these sinful practices hastily down a drain pipe, at night, half naked.

In this instance, it came from a stallion who wore enough jewelry to create his own gold standard economy and would send jealous tears down the eyes of any aspiring pirate.

But right now, Luna wasn’t listening. She was too busy pretending her hooves were the most interesting sight in the world and in doing so, also avoiding the glare of the titanic stallion in front of her. Her head throbbed, thoughts buzzing like flies. This didn’t feel right, something about this was wrong. But the feeling of guilt in the face of her hero swatted these other thoughts like, well like flies.

“So, granddaughter, what do you have to say for yourself?”

Luna's head snapped back towards her grandfather. Even if she had an excuse, her words were mowed down before they could reach her tongue. Some of them gripped on for dear life, telling vowels and consonants to hold on, but it was too late.

“I um, grandfather I-“

“-Its my fault grandfather,” Celestia said, moving between the two, “I broke her concentration, I spotted a most dreadful spider and nearly fainted, little sister was ever so brave and caught me, at the expense of her training.”

Luna blinked, staring in confusion at her sister. Celestia wasn’t afraid of spiders, she would often handle them by hoof and leave them on pillows to scare her chambermaids.

Their grandfather gave a derisive snort, shaking his head. “Foolish mares” He muttered, just loud enough, that only a few hundred pony’s including the gardeners across the castle heard him.

Finally he fixed his gaze onto Luna, “We told thee to let nothing distract you, thou wished to be a warrior, a strong leader, yet you could not let twenty minutes go without distraction, even those rock headed Minotaur could have done that.”

Luna felt herself falter under his withering gaze. Her mouth was glued shut as she glanced at her sister who gave her an encouraging look. Slowly she found the strength to stammer out, “A-Actually, grandfather, we have been standing here for nearly two days no-

“Silence” He snapped, “thine excuses demean us both.”

“Y-yes grandfather,” she said, going near ridged. Feelings of utter humiliation flooded her mind, the feeling felt strangely familiar. Both by her failure and worse yet, that her sister was as ever pulling her flank from the fire.

The perfect child that she was.

“Do not make us regret your tutelage.” He warned. “Your king has had a hard enough time dealing with this pathetic rabble.” He said, looking over his shoulder at his Arch-lords, who pretended that he was talking about some other white robed and obscenely rich crowd of noble ponies.

One thing to say about her grandfather, the stallion treated everyone equally…like dirt.

“I won’t, I am sorry my king.” Luna said bowing low.

Finally after a long moment, his grimace subsided into a slightly less frigid frown. “Come, we have wasted enough time on your vanity. To the throne room, we have matters to discuss.” He said, turning away suddenly. Then just as suddenly he stopped and gazed up at a random tree tree.

“Arch Exchequer, what happened to the nuts on my tree?”

“P-Pardon, your grace?” A stallion, so large and with so many folds that Luna sometimes felt an overpowering urge to rummage down the side of him for loose change, answered.

“This tree was full of nuts just last hour, pray tell where are they now Silver Coin?” He said eyes shifting as though the culprits were still at large somewhere in the area.

“Your grace, um, with respect, you haven’t been in the gardens for at least a month.” The Arch Master Of Whispers answered for Silver Coin. Another venerable old stallion, who was in charge of the king's spy network. Hooded even in summer he moved forwards, a robed and obscured bird sitting on his wizened shoulder.

This was not for effect, as Luna had thought, but according to her sister, it was mostly because unlike his forebears he was terrible at keeping crows and had lost the latest flock last year. In a panic instead he replaced them all with parrots which had been strategically dyed black and now he was praying no pony would notice.

“Braaak, the lazy king, Braaak” said the “crow” on his shoulder. “Braak, the king has lost his nuts, braak”

“That did not answer my question?” Luna's grandfather snapped staring daggers at the Arch-master of whispers crow, “tell me who has vandalised my tree?!” He growled, eyes shifting back to Silver Coin who himself shifted backwards into the crowd. Which had the effect of a wagon barreling down towards a crowd as the old heads of state darted for safety.

“Well your grace, perhaps, em, well autumn is the time for foraging animals?”

“Ah, so you're saying the peasantry are to blame?” The king seemed to consider this for a moment.

Silver Coins eyes widened. “What? No! I mean literal animals, squirrels and the like.”

“Squirrels you say?” He said, his eyes squinting dangerously. He turned to a guard by his side and whispered something, then drew a line across his neck. The guard in question seemed perturbed. opened his mouth then closed it. Then quickly closed it as he realised it was either his life or the squirrels. Reluctantly he saluted.

Luna dejectedly followed behind, eyes still glued to her hooves. The subtle confusion of events was giving her a headache, all the while she was filled with shame and a subtle feeling of wrongness about all of this.

“Are you okay?” Celestia said, slipping beside her.

“We did not need your butt in this sister.” Luna growled.

“I think the term is ‘for you to butt in.’” She said calmly.

“The only butts I needeth is my own.” Luna snapped, then stared at a gawking noblemare, “Have you nothing better to do?” She yelled as the mare yelped and scrambled away hurriedly.

“He was belittling you.” Celestia continued in that aggravatingly calm manner Luna loathed and admired.

“And you were mothering us, I’m only one hundred years younger than you, you do not need to treat me like a foal.”

“One hundred and fifty years younger,” Celestia corrected, “and I am not mothering you, now come here, you still have some melon on your chin.” She said, levitating a napkin towards Luna who batted it away.

“He is our king, he belittles who he wants.” She snapped, though she did not mean to yell that loudly. In a quieter voice she added, “Please, do not ruin this Tia, you know how long it took to get grandfather to notice us.”

Celestia was still focused on cleaning her, but Luna could see the small furrow of her brow, “I don’t understand sister, how is standing with a melon on your head supposed to help you with matters of state?”

“Bah, matters of state.” Luna scoffed, “tis your job to do the boring part of ruling, I will be a warrior princess sister, and the melon would test my mental fortitude, for when I am in the thick of battle. Wearing full armour and charging down our enemies.”

Celestia's eye roll was deliberate and long, “Oh, forgive me, I did not know we were using vegetation as armour these days, are we using cucumbers for swords now too?”

Luna also rolled her eyes, but she could never quite get the same effect as her sister, no matter how many times she practised in front of the mirror. Of course her sister would not understand her grandfather's teachings.

Her sister had spent too many hours with poets and teachers and had unfortunately contracted “intellectualism.” This made her l go around thinking mad things like peasants were also ponies too and that there should be an equal opportunity among the species. Also she was saying things like changing laws on a whim and going around shouting at and chasing anything you don’t like with pitchforks, wasn’t a viable form of rule.

Which would have made ninety percent of their grandfather's government functionally obsolete.

Luna blamed those old farts her sister hung around with. Those so-called deep thinkers, who would stroke their beards, stare up at clouds for hours and say things like “is a table really a table?” Ignoring the table's thoughts on the matter entirely.

But still, even with her tragic mental defects, Celestia would be queen someday by right of birth. Luna on the other hoof had to make her name known some other way. If that meant charging down armies and getting stuck in glorious combat like the hero’s in her mountain of story books, well more fool Celestia.

“Please sister, do not do anything like that again.” Luna whispered as they trailed from the castle gardens and towards the great hall of the throne room. “Tis just some light ribbing between master and pupil, hardly anything to go by. We can handle it. If we are to charge into spears, how would we be if words wounded us?”

Celestia scowled, “First of all, my baby sister is not going to be charging into spears, not if I can help it.” Celestia said brow furrowed firmly, in a way that reminded Luna of their mother far too much for comfort.

“Do not tell us what to do, we are old enough.”

“Spoken like a true one hundred year old.” Celestia said with a sigh, “barely a teenager, you're far too young to think such horrid thoughts.”

“Am not.” Luna said, tilting up her chin.

She ignored her sister's expert eye roll, “Secondly, no pony is immune to words sister, not fully. Words can cut deeper than any blade, especially from family.”

Luna let out an exasperated sigh, “Ugh, You’ve been hanging around those philosophers again haven’t you sister?”

“So what?” Celestia said, suddenly taking a defensive tone. “I find it interesting, they say such interesting things about art and life.”

“Yes, but they also say eating kale, swallowing oil of the cod and drinking one's own urine is the key to immortality.”

Celestia gave her a deadpan glare, “There is nought more beautiful than an expansive mind sister.”

“Oh really? Doth that also apply to large muscular stallions who clean royal pools, sister?” Luna asked innocently, apart from the fat grin on her muzzle.

Celestia despite her near infinite poise nearly tripped over her two front hooves. “Who told you that?” She whispered harshly to Luna.

“Relax, your secret paramour is safe with us.” She giggled at her sister's reddening face, then stopped right as they reached the great chambers.

They stood outside, as was proper, after all the whole point of royalty was to know when to wait for other royalty. Otherwise how would you tell which one could have you thrown in jail and which one could have your mane inconveniently cut below the neck with an axe.

Luna didn’t know how one tradition had morphed into this one. But her grandfather had told her that knowledge of traditions as well as regular baths and money was what set one apart from the animals. Which left about three quarters of the population firmly in the latter in her grandfather's eyes.

Despite it all, she felt a stirring in her chest, to see all this grandeur. To see that all these ponies were here because of one great stallion and the fact she was related to him was both an overwhelming honour and frankly terrifying at the same time.

Finally they entered, taking a seat around the enormous circular council room. They stood waiting at their designated post as their grandfather took his seat on the throne. But as Luna watched him take his seat, her head throbbed, in that moment For a brief moment her eyes flickered to not one throne but two thrones, an onyx and a smashed marble white one, left crumbling on the floor she blinked rubbed her eyes and once more saw the singular throne.

As it should be.

“What did you say, Tia?” Luna turned.

“I…didn’t say anything Lu.”

“Oh, must have been the wind.” Luna said, looking around and ignoring all the closed windows in the stuffy and near airtight room.

“Are you sure you're feeling alright.” Her sister said, lifting up a hoof to her forehead.

“I’m fine, just fine.” She said, giving her a much too eager smile. Perhaps that melon had been heavier than she had thought.

She distracted herself by stared up at the magnificent king at the end of the room. Dazzling white fur, a regal bearing, blue eyes fixed and determined. He carried himself like a leader, a general, a ruler.

His sword which he held always around his back leg at all times, old and dulled. But with a history richer than any treasury. The hilt was intricately carved with illustrations of the unification of Equestria. Though it had to be said, a lot of Equestria did not particularly want to be unified, hence where the sword part came in handy.

“Court is now in session.” Rang the croaky voice of the court crier from behind the throne, despite his age his voice was still loud enough that half of the ponies present winced around him

“Thank you.” Silver Coin said rubbing his ears as he stood up, which was a feat in and of itself given his size. “Your grace, princess of our great land and honourable members of the court, the first order of business is-“

“Presenting the Arch Exchequer Lord Silver Coin.” The feeble crier yelled a half second later.

Silver winced, half crumpling the scroll in his meaty hooves, “Yes thank you court crier!” Silver said pointedly, looking over his shoulder, “Before we begin in earnest or ever graceful princess Celestia would like to address the court concerning something most important.”

“Thank you Lord Silver Coin.” Celestia said, standing up by Luna’s shoulder, “If it pleases the court, I would like to start by proposing-

“-Presenting the princess of the Great kingdom of Equestria-“

“Thank you court crier.” Celestia yelled even more pointedly, there was half a second of silence as the court crier blinked, looked around as if he only just worked out where he was and sat back down before Celestia continued.

“Now that our king has finally returned after dealing a crushing blow to the forces of the Tyrant Sombra. We must turn our minds to the displaced victims of this most regrettable incident. I propose the immediate establishment of relief columns for the refugees.” Which got nods of agreement from half the court, mostly on her side of the room.

“Also,” she continued, “whilst we are on the topic of public aid and domestic betterment. I would like to re-open the notion of a free state run public schooling for those that-.”

And that got the other side of the room groaning and rolling her eyes. Even Luna internally groaned. Why was her sister so interested in reading? Most ponies considered books with suspicion. What use did a farmer have for education? If you asked them if they wanted education they’d probably respond with “Sure, do you fry it or bake it?”

“With the deepest respects my princess.” The Arch chancellor called over the groans coming from his side of court. Luna was still relatively new to court. But she was already starting to learn that with respect was the equivalent of making farting noises at the speaker in question. “I do not think we should be rewarding treasonous behaviour?”

“And what treasonous behaviour would we be rewarding?” Celestia said, with a deadpan glare.

“Well,” he scoffed, “obviously the Crystal ponies were the ones that we fought against.”

“Slaves to the tyrant.” Celestia corrected. “Not what I would call willing participants.”

The Arch Chancellor gave a nod, but the mocking smile never left his muzzle, “Very noble and innocent of you your grace, I’d expect nothing less from your gentle heart. But is it not every slave's prerogative to fight with the liberators against their masters whip?”

He gestured theatrically to the crowd. Luna had to give him credit, because nothing else nice could be said about the stallion. He knew how to command a crowd. “Is fighting against the oppressor not what our great king did when he civilised these lands from the Zebra, the Minotaur, the Griffon and all the other less refined species?” Luna watched as the ponies around the Arch chancellor began to cheer. “I mean, what next princess, giving them the vote, the right to representation in court?” He chuckled looking around the room for support.

Celestia made a show of flickering through her scroll, “Actually, Arch Chancellor that was on the agenda for tomorrow, wasn’t it Silver?” She said turning to the rotund pony who was mopping his head with his toga.

“Yes your highness, I believe it was right next to the inquiry over the missing funds, the ones that were given to raise troops against the Tyrant, I can't seem to remember the name of the pony we gave them to though.”

Celestia tapped her chin in mock-thought, “Do you know neither can I, I think it rhymes with March Hancelor, or something like that?”

Luna stifled a giggle, her sister was no warrior, but she could wield words more devastating than any blade.

“What is this, petty threats, your highness this court is here to deal with matters of importance?” The Arch Chancellor balked, his smile faltering for a half second.

“Is stealing from the king's treasury not important?” Celestia asked innocently as if the answer to that eluded her.

“Enough,” their grandfather sighed, “Celestia, you and the Arch Chancellor can debate your little pet projects outside of my Court. We are summoned here for another matter.”

“Yes, my king.” They both said with equal reverence, smiling at one another whilst also staring at each other as if their eyes could delete one another from existence. Luna shook her head, the court still baffled her. This game of word daggers was not her place. She would meet her enemy headlong, not with smiles.

“While we are on the topic of coinage,” Her grandfather continued, glancing now at Silver Coin. “Perhaps you can tell me why it is that one third of my kingdom is refusing to pay taxes?”

Silver coins' jowls rippled as he stood back up and sputtered, “Um, well my Lord, Um, well I think it has to do with the fact that they are not happy about the high war tax.”

“Why, how much are they paying?” He asked.

“Well…all of it.”

“All of what?”

“All of the tax, they’re paying for all the liberation of the Crystal empire, don’t you remember my king you decreed it yourself?”

The king looked for half a second unsure of himself, then added, “Yes of course I remember, but I did the same thing to those Zebras. Do you see them complaining?”

“Well sire, that might have been because you sent a garrison of the solar army to their tribal elders homes. A garrison that we funded by taxing the western province.”

“Well then, tax the northern province and send an army to deal with these new ruffians, I hardly see why this is such a conundrum, you're supposed to be the money stallion, why is this so hard for you?” He growled.

Silver nearly dropped his scroll as he fought to write down the new proclamation. “Um, yes your grace, of course your grace, how foolish of me.” Silver Coins said with a smile, even Luna could tell was strained.

So stupid aren’t they? Bickering and talking endlessly and never getting anything done?

Luna yelped standing upright and glancing behind her. The voice felt as though it had been whispered in her ear. But she could only see other words staring at her.

“Something to say?” The king said, brow furrowed as he turned in Luna's direction.

Luna's eyes fixed back onto the court, everypony was staring in her direction, she glanced around wondering what fool had disrupted her grandfather in the middle of talking and it took all of three seconds to realise it was her.

“What would you like to add, say it?” Her king said, his eyes narrowing. Luna gulped. She had no idea what they had been talking about and even less what to say.

Don’t be a mute now.

She heard a voice say somewhere in the distance. “Well, um, I, that is we, were thinking, Perhaps um, your grace could bring the taxes down slightly if it is not too much trouble?” Much to Luna's horror, she realised that those words had come from her own mouth.

“I mean,” she spluttered on, mrs mind and mrs mouth now working independently from one another, “if we taxed them less, then…” Luna's eyes gazed around at all the leering faces as she desperately willed herself to shut up. “Then perhaps they would not be… so…mad.”

Silently all eyes shifted from Luna back to the king, like sailors evaluating if they should sail towards the storm or jump ship, throwing the mare and foals out of the way in the process.

They didn’t have to wait long. The king inched forwards in his throne, his features unreadable and more frightening for it, “and what then dear pupil? Would you have me look weak and encourage others to do as they have, show leniency for one and watch as they all bite the hoof that feeds them? Invite all of Eques into open rebellion?” He said calmly. “Please use your mind before your tongue waggles, foal.”

Luna opened her mouth then shut it. The words felt like a physical slap to her muzzle. She barely heard the words next to her, or her sister's hoof on her shoulder as she spoke for her “Grandfather, if I may, of course my little sister would never suggest anything that would make us look weak.”

Luna turned to see her sister standing next to her, calm and self assured. The opposite of herself, “I believe that what she was suggesting is that perhaps we could drop the tax rates for the other provinces as an example. That way, it will be seen as a reward for loyalty.”

Luna found just enough saliva to gulp, had she meant to say that? It didn’t sound like what she had said. But she was too busy staring at everything but her grandfather's lingering eyes to notice.

“It would be an incentive to the soldiers, some of whom are from those provinces, your grace.” Silver Coin added loyally.

Their grandfather's stare didn’t so much as freeze time, as it made time whistle innocently, walk backwards out of the room for an extended smoke break. “Fine, Arch Exchequer, see it done, now back to the proper task at hoof.”

Luna finally felt herself breathing again, she caught her sister's calm smile, holding for a moment as she winked at her. Luna supposed it was meant to be encouragement, a job well done. But Luna could see it for what it was, pity.

Pity for the poor little brat, stupid little sister, don’t worry big sister has you. She made you look weak.

“Now then.” Her grandfather asked, turning back to the court. “Who are these so-called rebels?”

The Arch Master of Whispers slowly stood, his “crow” squeaked and flapping its blotchy black and green wings. “As far as my spy’s could tell your highness, they are members of some barbaric mountain tribe or pride as they call themselves. Pride Sternclaw, Pride Feather Fair and the largest are led by some Pride called Novabane.”

“Odd sounding pony names?” The Arch Questioner asked beside him.

“That’s because they’re not pony’s, the rebels are, well, griffons.” The Arch Master of Whispers admitted slowly.

The king snorted, “Griffons? Those flea bitten overgrown hens, what do they think they can accomplish with this?”

The Arch Master of Whispers looked shifty whilst underneath a hood which was impressive and seemed to explain why the pony underneath lost vast quantities of coin at card games. “They’ve already overwhelmed our relief force sire. They’ve taken the castle and our calling the other tribes to arms against you,” he said then added, “of course illegally and foolishly your grace,”

“Is that all?” The king said, looking almost bored.

The Arch Master of Whispers seemed to hesitate, “Um, well some of them have taken to calling themselves independent now sire,” he looked around nervously. “T-they say you are a tyrant, my king and have named one of their own as Emperor.”

“Braak the king's a tyrant, Braak!” The ‘crow’ parroted.

The king narrowed his eyes at the bird, then whispered to the guard next to him. The guard looked at the crow and with a dejected sigh began to write on a steadily growing list, “You take the savage out of the mountains but you cannot make them civilised.” Her grandfather said aloud, shaking his head.

Luna had been watching all this with a furrowed brow, she could hardly understand. Her grandfather had given them everything, maternity, civilization, pony culture! What more could any creature want? They were living in caves before he had come, well apparently anyway.
At least that’s what the historians said, and they worked for her grandfather, so of course they would tell the truth of the matter.

She felt that shame from before flying something in her stomach and with nothing to turn to, it distilled into anger at this ungratefulness disregard for her grandfather's gift.

“This Novabane figure, they’re the one that gave those Zebra tribes a good thrashing, right?” The Arch Chancellor added loudly, “My king, why not make them fight the griffons instead, let the zebras earn their stripes for a change.” The court erupted into nervous laughter. But it was subdued when Luna's grandfather struck his throne with his hoof hard enough to crack the stone it was carved from.

“This rebellion must be crushed!” He roared. “I will not have insubordination. I will see those traitorous beasts strung up like the animals in their barbaric meat markets. We should have wiped them off the face of this land when we had the chance.”

Celestia stood up, hurriedly, “My King, they are some of our finest warriors, trackers and inventors. There is no need to set such an extreme example.”

“I have to agree, sire, compared to the other rebellions we have faced, it would only take a small contingent of men to put down this rabble.” The Arch Master of Whispers added.

“Then I’ll lead the soldiers and will have this finished by winter.” The king said standing up from his throne.

“With respect your eminence,” Celestia said, with more backbone than anyone else seemed to have, “you are needed here at home, to deal with the remainder of Sombras armies.”

“Are you suggesting that I am not up to both?” He snapped. Luna felt herself wither under the stare and was amazed to see her sister meeting his glare. Even if her sister's hoof was clutching tightly onto her own.

“The opposite,” she said, “If anything, such an endeavour would only bring your glorious name down. Perhaps somepony else can… earn their stripes as the Arch Chancellor stated.”

“Bah, and who would you suggest granddaughter, have you some noble warrior under your frock?”

“My Lord, perhaps one of your grand sire’s would like to earn her spurs?” The arch Chancellor said, his smile widening.

Luna blinked, considering that for a moment. That did not sound like a bad idea at all.

“That's outrageous!” Celestia exploded into a flurry of words. But Luna wasn’t listening. In her mind she was considering what the Arch Chancellor had just said..

There it is, finally the time to prove yourself. To show them all.

Luna watched them as the court rerouted into chaos on both sides. She had been training for nearly ten years for this moment and now it was right here in front of her.

“Perhaps the Arch Chancellor would like to levy the troops he had been paid to supply in the first place.” Celestia yelled over the cacophony of the court.

“With respect your grace, perhaps matters of war should be left to stallions who know about it.” The arch Chancellor retorted.

“The arch chancellor should not dismiss himself so quickly.” Celestia sneered.

“My king, this is utter slander I-“

“-We will go. We will do it.” A voice said softly, but firmly.

Among the yelling it was like an arrow through the cacophony. Pony’s stopped their bickering, the chorus of arguments whittled down to stunned silence as all turned to the voice who had said it.

Luna found herself standing up once more. This time her mind was clear, not fear, but something else, excitement, a giddiness. This time she had meant what she had said.

All the lords to a stallion looked at her wide eyed and open mouthed. None more so than her sister who looked as though she had seen death itself behind Luna.

“No,” Celestia said slowly. But Luna hardly registered her voice. She was already drunk on the possibilities. In her mind all she could see was the glory. The prestige, this was it, this was how she would earn her name. Seeing eye to eye with her grandfather. Being the light that shines half as bright. The moon to his blinding sun.

“It is as you say, a small rebellion,” Luna continued almost light headed, “A feat even a mare of your blood could handle, seeing as no stallion is brave enough to.” She said, glancing at the Arch Chancellor who despite his light grey fur turned a satisfying shade whiter.

Oh is this what your sister feels when she shakes the old fool down. We could get used to this…

“Send me my king, we will deal with these, these rodent chasers.”

Her grandfather was motionless for a long moment, as Lords of the hall contemplated ducking under benches for cover. But then he did something no pony had ever seen in all their lives. Not since the death of his first wife, whom the very castle was named after.

He started to laugh.

“Rodent chasers, hah! You hear that?!” His laugh was harsh, like chalk being kicked down a well of backboards. But it was like a sweet orchestra to Luna's ears. Even as the other lords began to laugh along with him she focused on her grandfather's discordantly melodic chortle.

He stopped almost as quickly as he started, staring at Luna for a long moment, slowly, like a jeweller appraising a stone to see if it was a diamond or a broken bottle, he nodded his head. “If that is what you wish perhaps it is time for you to—“

“-No, I won’t allow it!”

Luna blinked and turned to see her sister standing there. Of all the ponies that would stand between her and her destiny, she did not think it would be the mare she trusted more than anyone else.

“Your grace.” The Arch Chancellor said slowly, “your grandfather was of a similar age when he first went into-“

“Shut up!” Celestia snapped with a sudden anger that made ponies around her flinch, “do not speak again if you wish to keep your tongue!” She snarled at the Arch Chancellor who gasped along with every pony else in the court. Even Silver Coin seemed to flinch. But Celestia didn’t care.

“Celestia!” The king barked but it was as though her sister was possessed. “I will have order in my court.”

“Tia, what are you doing!” Luna whispered harshly, but her sister was not listening.

“Grandfather please, not her.”

“She will have to do this soon enough.” Their grandfather said, “It will fall upon her shoulders one day, that is the burden of royalty, do not shame your sister for having the courage to start now.”

“B-but, she can’t go into battle. She is-“

“-she is what?” He asked.

“Yes sister, I am what?” Luna parroted, unable to comprehend why her sister would do this to her, in such a public forum. To snatch such an important moment from her hooves.

Celestia didn’t look at Luna, she kept her gaze on her grandfather, she looked almost pained. “She’s just a foal.”

She’s jealous of you, she’s afraid of you, her only sister, her only rival!

“Tia, why are you doing this to me?” Luna said, feeling like her sister had ripped out her heart. To argue against her in private was one thing. But to destroy her public image in front of every pony.

They were supposed to be a team.

“Luna you can’t, please see sense. It’s one thing to talk about it, but you're still too young to fight, you could be killed!” Her sister's eyes were wide, tears trickling down her face.

Ah, here it is, my favourite part.

“Don’t you trust us?” Luna tried to say, wanted to say, was supposed to say.

But she only got about halfway before something stopped her.

All the voices, all the sounds, all the figures in the room halted at once. But that wasn’t what made her stop. No, the reason she stopped was because at that moment it felt like something had just pecked her flank.

She turned half expecting to see a bird, perhaps the master of whispers crow. Looking around at her side and saw nothing. All the room had frozen as though time had simply stopped, as though the hands of fate had fallen asleep on the remote.

Then she turned back toward her sister and nearly yelled. In front of sat the body of her sister. But the head of, what looked like a griffon.

“Tia…who gave you permission to turn into the enemy?” Luna asked.

Ignore it, focus back on your king! Focus back on what your sister has done to you.

Luna was stuck between sheer bewilderment and something else. Something that had been bothering her since all this started.

“Oh, I’m…I’m dreaming.” She said slowly. This perhaps should have been obvious to the princess of the night.

Save for the fact that she had not had a dream of her own for nearly a millennia.

And for good reason.

“Chirp.” was her only response. Then, she felt the pecking on her forehead and suddenly Luna felt herself being dragged back into a different nightmare all together.

It said something to how the night princess life had progressed in the last two weeks that when she woke up to the sight of a griffon staring at her her first thought was not to sit bolt upright, light up her horn and turn it into many different griffons across a wide area.

But that might have also been because she was in far too much pain to move her eyelids, let alone assume a battle pose.

She stared up at the little ball of fluff and feathers that was her sister's griffon. She watched as the little griffon let out a series of chirping sounds and much to Luna's chagrin began nuzzling into her face. Luna did little more than blink back in response.

Slowly Luna lifted herself upwards, her heartbeat fluttering around her rib cage like a caged animal, skin slick with sweat. She glanced around for signs of danger and found nothing but trees and soft moss.

Her mane was matted against her muzzle and it took a moment for her hooves to become steady enough to push it back off her face.

She glanced around, looking at what she thought was the wall of her room. Which had a lot more bark on it than she had remembered but it was an old house to be sure and nature did odd things with time. She watched as a few bats flew past her. Obviously that blasted mare must have forgotten to close the window.

The hog, snuffling at the dirt was a little harder to explain. But not impossible, some of her sister's pranks had extended to much worse, swapping pillow stuffing with anvils and even one time a dragon, though she “claimed” that one was an accident, like Luna was born six generations ago.

But even so, she doubted her sister would have replaced all the floor with dirt and more importantly, removed the roof off her room. Even for her that might have been going a little too far.

She felt the chill of night against her sweat soaked fur and felt something rustling against her fur. She went rigid and of course she didn’t yelp, she was above yelping, she just made a noise that sounded very similar.

She glanced down and remembered the ball of brown and white fur and feathers that was starting to become depressingly familiar to her. It let out a little yawn, it's unnatural tiny beak let out the smallest chirping noise before nuzzling against her leg.

Luna glanced back around her. Not a soul in sight, except for the pig. But thankfully it seemed to be too busy looking for truffles to notice her.

Slowly, she came to the conclusion, she was clearing just in a dream, of course she was. A dream just like the one she had awoken from. One simple pinch and...

“Ouch,” she muttered, then her eyes widened. “No no, perhaps I just didn’t pinch hard enough.” You could never pinch yourself too hard when dealing with the Dreamscapes and occult magic. Everypony knew that. But after the third pinch she was starting to believe she was awake.

Unlike any other pony that found themselves alone, cold and in the middle of a forest. That part was the least of her concerns.

“Oh no.” She cursed, dreams, she couldn’t be having dreams! She had locked hers away for good. Locked them away with-

She paused, finally understanding the strange feeling across her head. She felt her throat go dry. No this couldn’t be, she must be hallucinating. Glancing around she caught a stream of water, calmly but with a pace that would have made a cheetah take pause and consider its speed bolted towards it. Her moons light reflecting her face and also her worst suspicions.

She grabbed at her mane and actually felt hair there. She glanced not at the ethereal magic. But hair white as the moon itself, a normal mane, well normal by pony standards, it was still excellently oiled and maintained because after all she was a mare of standards. But that was not really the point.

“My magic, tis gone?” She said in a disbelieving tone, gripping her mane as if she could wring some of it back like a wet mop.

This was not just bad news in a literal sense, that being that she was without means of one of her six senses after all, she had been trained to take out a small platoon with nothing but a toothpick and frying pan.

Her grandfather's training was nothing if not efficiency splashed with rampant paranoia.

But her magic had not just been to defend herself, it had been to defend others. To keep back things that should have stayed well enough away in place.

She was a warden, A warden who had lost her keys and she had a dreadful suspicion someone or something had broken loose…

“No, no we can rectify this, what did that griffon say, temporary, yes it must just be a temporary thing. You're an alicorn for goodness sake pull thyself together.” She convinced, slapping herself across herself. She was about to slap herself a third time when she felt something brush against her forelegs.

She glanced down in between her front hooves and spotted the tiny figure giggling at her reflection in the quiet stream. The cub who had followed her towards the stream and was testing the waters with her little talon. Splashing the water with a determined look on her face.

Oh Right, if things were not bad enough, she still had to deal with her sister's little pet as well. Nothing was ever simple was it? “Stay here.” She commanded slowly to the cub who blinked back up at her, paint brush tail wagging back and forth. “we will be back momentarily.”

She turned to leave and felt something latching onto her hoof.

Luna pulled away on instinct. “We are not a toy.” She snapped, shaking the griffon off. The hatchling gave a mewing protest, talons making a grabbing motion and then much to Luna's annoyance began to cry.

“Oh for the love of, crying is for the weak, get ahold of thyself. Arggh, where is that blasted jester when you actually want her.” She growled to herself as she glanced around.

She took a more considered glance around at her surroundings for the first time. Nothing of this place looked familiar, the manor was surrounded by fields as far as the eye could see, not forests if this could be called a forest.

The only thing her eyes could see now was trees. Well to call these hulking monoliths where related to trees, was to suggest that an elephant and an anteater was of the same family purely because of the nose.

The trunks of them were enormous. Each one the size of a small room of the place, which Luna had been informed was about the size of a commoners house, or citizen as they where now supposed to be called. How the plebia- citizens lived in those she would never understand.

She had only seen trees like these once in her life. But that had been thousands of miles from where the manor had been and nearly two thousand years ago besides. A memory she wanted to leave well enough in the past.

She tried to focus on the nagging sense of familiarity in the back of her mind. But her thoughts were interrupted by the wailing of the infant in front of her.
She couldn’t concentrate with that infernal racket.

“Will you cease those noises already?” She yelled. Which only made the infant kick and wail all of the more. She frowned. Closed her eyes, muttered a prayer to the fields above.

“Fine, if you will stop that deplorable squawking, and only this once understand?” She said, Reluctantly she offered her hoof back to the hatchling, who suddenly stopped crying and latched on tight. She brought it up towards her back, images of pin cushions flooded her mind as she felt the little thing latch on. But to her surprise, the griffon's claws did not dig in as they clutched her fur, nestling comfortably on her back.

Still, she had to wait for the shiver of revulsion to stop her back muscles from spasming. But even that was not as long as it once was.

Luna glanced again to make sure no pony saw her moment of weakness, she had a reputation to keep after all. Then slowly she unfolded her wings.

She landed high above on one of the enormous branches. Breathing hard, she felt her legs give out as she collapsed against the thick branch. She was still weak, weak and drained.

“Just need to catch my breath.” She panted out to no pony in particular. But got a chirping in response. She lifted the griffon from her back and stared at it.

It got no better with familiarity. But at least it was small. She could handle that if nothing else. She glanced at the tree around her and moved towards one of the few small holes that yawned open in the great trunk.

“Bird stays in hole, yes?” She said slowly as she lowered the griffon into the little alcove. “Thou will stay here, while we deal with something.”

“Chirp.”

“Look, tis not us, tis you, thou cannot be so clingy. I know your kind can't help but chase after pretty things and objects. We understand your kind’s nature, tis like telling a dog not to sniff.” She said nodding sagely, “But you must stay in that hole.”

“Chirp?”

“Just, here, play with this.” She said, pulling off a twig from a branch “Make a nest or whatever your kind does.” she held it out to the cub who simply stared at it blankly.

Luna turned and walked to the other side of the giant branch. “When we get out of here sister, we will be having a long long talk.” Luna muttered darkly. “Just as soon as we find out where here is. But first things first.”

She closed her eyes, feeling the light of her moon upon her fur. If the moon was raised at least that meant it was still the same night… at least in theory. At least she desperately hoped that was the case.

All she had to do was focus on her magic, focus on the moon and the stars. She was the alicorn of the night after all. She didn’t have her magic because of tears in reality.

Her magic was the night itself.

She felt a small buzzing at the base of her horn. Yes that was it, she was divinely given her powers. Some stupid little rune was not going to take her magic away. She could push through this.

She was above petty trinkets, griffon stone, hah! Like anything they could make could interfere with the divine magic of her kind. What could they possibly make that could harm the great and mighty alicorn of the nig-

…What, back already?

Well, this is awkward…I didn’t think you’d pass out so soon. Let me guess, instead of opening the door you tried to smash it to pieces. You never learn do you? Always think you're stronger than you are. But that’s what I love about you.

Well, this has left us in an awkward state hasn’t it. I didn’t even get a chance to prepare. But not to worry, after all we’re just getting started. So many more memories to enjoy.

But since you are here now. Why not.. Yes! Why don’t we watch it again, oh what fun that would be.

No, you don’t want to be reminded of your great shame over and over?

WELCOME TO MY WORLD.

“Luna, Lu, are you okay?”

Luna cracked open one tired eye, she had just been having the strangest dream…

Author's Note

(1) The king and the arch-lords believed that Education would only confuse and frighten a young mare in waiting, who already had enough to worry about with the complex feminine arts like swooning and fainting at appropriate moments. Things like algebra, literature or even just reading for that matter was likely to send their “impressionable” minds into catatonic state of hysteria. Despite the fact that half of the stallions in question had to mouth out their own laws with their hoof tracing slowly across the paper.

Terra Incognita

“What do you think it is, a pony?”

“No can’t be, they might look wrong, but even ponies aren’t that round, got to be a, em, a boar?”

“What boar has white fur?”

“Eh, A sickly boar?”

“And what kind of boar wears a blue noose around its neck?”

“…a self defeating boar?”

Silver let out a barely audible groan, his head pounded worse than when he had woken up from Celestia's strange wine.

“Just ignore it,” he thought to himself. “Whatever it is, it can’t hurt you, they’re not real, this is all some terrible illusion. You’ll be back in your office, filing events, marketing strategies and scandal scrolls in alphabetical order.

He almost smiled at the thought was about to turn over onto his strangely cold and slimy pillow when he felt something sharp and cold poking against his side. “Should we eat it, seems a waste to just leave it?”

Strangely, the dream voices sounded almost griffonian, but the accent was all wrong, like all the words were being deliberately and poorly mis-spoken. Much like the fragmented nomenclature of the southern and indigenous zebra tribes or people from Minnesota.

Silver suppressed a shiver and fought the urge to sit upright and bolt. He stopped himself, mostly because he wasn’t sure if he would get a spear through the flank for his troubles. It was fine though, they couldn’t hurt him really, if he just kept his eyes closed. This was just a nightmare obviously.

“I don’t know, seems pretty big to carry.”

Yes it was all working out, it’s like his therapist had said, positive reinforcement, the more you fear something the more you give it power, just-

“Oh that’s no problem,”

Silver idea of this all being a dream where cracking slightly when he heard an unmistakable ringing sound of sharp metal leaving a scabbard, “what’s it the chief is always saying, a problem shared is a problem halved, well there’s four of us we can each carry a boat leg.”

Okay, maybe they couldn’t hurt him. But they were doing a damn good job of making him think they could.

“Hmm, I don’t know,” another voice added cautiously, “this thing stinks of pony magic, even if it might be a boar, we don’t know what brought it down, maybe it’s a trap, you remember what happened to Henzel right?”

They all hummed in agreement, which was somehow worse because Silver bloody well didn’t know what had happened to Henzel.

Why did this always happen to him? All he wanted was a quiet life, a life of simple lying, cheating and bribing his way to a cosy retirement. But it felt as though life was punishing him for that for reasons he couldn’t fathom. It was all so very unfair.

“Come on, we haven’t had any real meat for months.” The one still holding his hoof up grumbled, “not since our king sent his little-”

“-Hey, he’s no king of mine!” another voice snapped, “no king of yours neither, we’re free from those tyrants remember!”

“Sorry, sorry, force of habit.” The voice right above Silver chuckled apologetically. “Look, let's stop talking about stupid kings.” And Silver felt something very cold, very sharp and very real by his armpit, “just one leg, that’s all-“

“-Scouts incoming!” a voice far above the barked harshly.

Suddenly the cold knife left Silver fur. “Damn it! I wanted to see what it tasted like, can’t we just roast it a little?”

“Shut it Heimdal, unless you want to be the one roasting on those ponies fires.”

There was a thoughtful pause then, “But I thought those shiny hoof buggers ate grass?”

Another pause. “Eww really, that’s gross, animals urinate on that you know?”

“You lot want to find out, talk to the ponies yourself, The rest of us are leaving.”

Mercifully Silver heard the flapping of wings. He waited for several minutes before his body finally relaxed. He sagged, and he finally allowed himself to open one eye. Nothing, nothing was there save the bright blue sky.

It was in moments like these ponies feel compelled to announce that the danger has passed like “well glad that’s over” and “it couldn’t get any worse.” Phrases that were the equivalent to putting firecrackers next to karma's pillow. Who by nature was not a vindictive being. But had a reputation to hold up especially when they said stupid things like:

“Thank the fields, it was just a nightmare.” Silver rasped that rasp turned into a gasp as he felt a by now sadly familiar sharp poke against his side.

“Please don’t eat me, I taste awful.” He pleaded, hooves covering his eyes.

“What’s that friend?” He heard a different voice answer this time in Equestrian. Silver finally allowed himself to open his eyes and saw a blue pony with a dented silver helm shining against the light glaring down at him.

“Am I…dead?” Silver asked.

The young stallion, rather too young to be in armour like that, shook his head, Then pushed his ill fitting helmet back from over his eyes. “Don’t look like it to me.”

“Damn, are you sure?” Silver groaned, tried to sit upright feeling a wet squelching on his back which he ignored for the sake of his fractured sanity. “You're a royal guard?” Silver asked as he rubbed his eyes and glanced at the armour, “what are you doing here?”

“Could ask you the same question?” Another pony answered, older even than Silver, with a grey handlebar moustache and wearing the same strange mot coloured royal armour. “Seems to me you’re the one that has the explaining to do.” Silver's eyes flickered over towards the clunking shapes in the distance, more and more figures in dirty beaten and dented armour circled him slowly. Each eyeing him with suspicion.

Silver gulped almost audibly as more spears were leveled at him. “O-of course, always happy to talk to my local law enforcement.” He said with a smile, trying to make himself look as harmless as possible. Which didn’t take a lot of effort, it had to be said.

“What are you doing here in enemy territory, and what’s with that garb anyway, you look like one of those walking birds, you know the black and white ones that hop everywhere?”

“Penguins?” Silver added helpfully.

The older guard blinked, “The hecks a penguin!?” he said, narrowing his eyes at Silver.

The suspiciously young stallion's eyes lit up just as the helmet slid over them, “Oh I know it’s a type of fruit right?” He said pushing it back up with practised ease.

Often when threatened by armed ponies which happened more times in Silver's line of work than one would think, Silver's back up plan was usually to run, hide and call for more armed and better armoured stallions to play whack a mole with the assailants head. But out here, wherever here was, it didn’t look like there was any chance of that happening. As for running away, well unless he wanted to go as a poorly planned porcupine costume for nightmare night. There was no chance of that either.

So instead Silver gave a clam and easy smile. “Listen, I think there's been a misunderstanding. My name is Silver Tongue, I work for the duel princess of Equestria as their Public Relations advisor, if you could kindly-“

“Public Relations, what’s that, sounds foreign?” The older soldier interrupted, emphasising the word foreign the same way Someone might emphasise the word, snot.

“Oh-oh, wait Sergeant, I heard about that, Public Relations, yeah that’s like dealing with the public through their relations.” The younger one said with confidence.

Everypony, even Silver, looked at him utterly confused.

“You know.” He shrugged after a moment, which nearly lost him his ill fitted shoulder guards. “It's like, if the public get out of order, you take their relations and lock them up, right?”

“What? No it’s nothing like that!” Silver protested. But the others were already nodding.

“Oooh I get it, you're like a torturer type, yeah?” The Sergeant said his demeanour softened slightly.

“T-Torture?” Silver stuttered, eyes widening.

“No Serge.” The younger one whined, “You can’t say that word anymore, remember that meeting we had. We’re supposed to call them honesty enforcers, it’s more what’s the word, inclusive. Doesn’t hurt any pony’s feelings.”

“Bah, ain’t that the point?” The Sergeant baulked. “They’re supposed to hurt ponies' feelings and everything else for that matter.”

The younger stallion rolled his eyes, which would have been more effective if his helmet wasn’t covering them. “Not the prisoners' feelings, the torturers' feelings, they have emotions too you know… oh damn it now I said it!”

“Huh?” The Sergeant shrugged, then turned back to Silver who had been watching the conversation with helpless bewilderment like someone watching a mudslide tear through their village. “Why didn’t you just say so,” the Sergeant said lowering his spear. “We haven’t had a proper torturer in ages.”

Silver had never been one not to let an opportunity, coin or steak pass him by, plastered on a smiled and slicked back his hair, ignoring for the sake of sanity the clumps of leaves sticking out of it. “Well um, you found one then.”

“Hey, I just realised, that’s why you’re dressed like a crazy stallion, that horrid outfit is for that mental interrogation thingy right, scare the heck out of them, right?” The young stallion said enthusiastically.

Silver glanced at his three piece suit and tie, one that had cost him more than half the price of a house and was amongst his prized possessions and sighed, “nothing gets past you I see.”

The Sergeant nodded, sitting down on his haunches. “Always right and proper to have a torturer in camp, that’s what my old pa said, can’t be at war without some torture, it’s not right, it’s not traditional.”

“Yeah.” The younger one nodded, then pushed his helmet back on his head. “Can’t have prisoners and no torturer, then you're just locking them up for no reason, that’s just barbaric. Prisoners got rights after all.”

Silver, desperate to grab onto something close to reality, finally cut in before these crazy ponies could continue. “Um, excuse me, Did you say war?”

The other ponies turned back to stare at him like he had asked if fire was hot, “Of course, you been hiding under a rock?”

“It feels like I’ve been crushed by one actually.” He muttered flatly, “Listen, I need your help, it’s of the utmost importance that I get out of these eh.” He looked around, at the sight of trees, if behemoths could be called trees, “woods and back to Canterlot as soon as possible and tell princess Celestia what has happened.”

Despite his plea he watched with mild annoyance as they all burst out laughing, “buhaha, Chatter Box, you hear that, he wants to go back to Canterlot!” One of the other guards yelled at a Pegasus on a branch above them.

“I’ll ride shotgun,” the pegasus yelled back, wheezing with laughter.

The Sergeant moustache flicked with amusement as he smiled patronisingly at Silver. “Look lad. I know that war is scary. Everypony wants back to Canterlot,” the Sergeant said, slapping Silvers back platonically. “But don’t worry, this war won’t last forever. It’s like the Lord Marshall said, this will all be over by hearths warming.”

“Wasn’t Hearths Warming months ago Serge?” The younger one asked.

“Well…Obviously they meant the next one lad.” He said, correcting himself quickly.

Silver shook his head, “Look I’m not making this up, I was just in Cloudsdale manor with the princess, we were attacked, they were after Luna’s cub and-”

“-Cloudsdale?” The Sergeant said pursed his lips, “never heard of it, sounds extra foreign to me, you sure you didn’t bump your head lad?”

“It’s right next to Canterlot, floating in the sky, Wonderbolts and clouds?!” Silver exclaimed half ready to tear his mane out, “how can you not have heard of-“

“-Listen lad, you look like you had a rough time.” He said, eyeing the mud Silver was doing his best to ignore. “Wars been tough on everyone but the Lord Marshall-“

Silver shrugged off the stallion's foreleg glancing at them. “You keep saying Lord Marshall and war, there is no Lord Marshall, and there is no war on, who would we be at war with anyway?”

The Sergeant looked at him quizzically for a moment, they all did. He opened his mouth to say something, but suddenly another voice off in the distance cut him off. “Serge, you need to see this!”

They raced off towards the voice to another stallion who was frowning down at the ground. They followed his gaze to a dented helmet on the ground. “Oh damn it,” the Sergeant cursed, “not again, the captains going to go spare.”

“What, it’s just a helmet?” Silver asked. But the Sergeant wasn’t listening. “Oh He’s going to go spare, he’s going to be all sarcastic, he might even be…” and he shuddered, “satirical about the whole thing.”

The others looked just as grim as the captain did. “Far be it for me to ask,” Silver said, interrupting the group's solemn contemplation. “But what are you all doing in the middle of this forest anyway?”

“We were looking for the missing scouting expedition.” The younger stallion said, then pursed his lips as if ashamed to admit what he said next. “But then we got lost ourselves, we’ve been in these woods for nearly two weeks, had to eat our own boots.” He said dejectedly.

“Oh” Silver said, unsure of how to continue the conversation, “well um, any luck tracking them down?”

“No,” the young guard said. “but we found the last set of guards sent to look for the scouts.”

“Oh and what then?”

“We ate their boots too.”

Silver pursed his lips, on the one hoof this was all too ridiculous to be real. On the other hoof, he could have said that about every minute of this month, and he still had two weeks to go. He came to the conclusion that even if it was a dream he might as well take it seriously just in case.

“On the subject of missing ponies,” Silver interjected as the soldiers around him stood gloomily around the helmet. “By any chance, you didn’t happen to see a mare in the woods about yay tall, wearing a maid outfit, a bit too much lipstick to be healthy, might be carrying a griffon cub?”

The Sergeant shook his head. “Haven’t seen a mare since the war started a few years ago. They don’t take kindly to letting mares in the army. Not proper, not-“

“Traditional, right understood.” Silver finished, he exhaled and thought about the information building in front of him. Mares had been serving in the guard for hundreds of years, but now they weren’t? Equestria was at war apparently and had been for a while. There were royal guards outside the castle roaming the woods and everyone was speaking strangely. Silver decided to play it safe, it was probably best not to go into too much detail until he knew what side he was on. “Okay no mares, what about a minotaur, have you seen one, about ten hooves tall, wearing what I’m wearing.”

“Minotaurs, up here?” The Sergeant said brow raised.

“Yes,” Silver said carefully, reading the frankly shocked look on the Sergeants face as anything but approval. “He’s my uhh, assistant PR.”

“Fields above, you have a minotaurs as an assistant for that?” The younger soldier asked, doing nothing to mask his horror. “How do you get it to do things?”

Silver furrowed his brow, “I ask him…politely?”

The soldiers all looked at one another then slowly the Sergeant said. “Never thought I’d say it, but I feel sorry for the prisoner.”

Before Silver could ask anymore questions a blood curdling scream rang out through the forest. They all turned and began to run towards it. Not wanting to be left alone to be prodded with sharp objects again by whatever group came next, Silver reluctantly went with them.

“Help, please!” someone yelped, Silver caught sight of a ragged figure at the foot of a cave.

“Oh fields, that looks like Fair Ground.” One of the soldiers said.

They felt rather than heard the roar coming from the cave, shaking their very bones. The fleeing stallion tripped, started crawling towards daylight. Then something long and scaley snatched at his back leg forcing him back into the darkness. There was another scream and then after a moment, silence.

They all stared blankly at the horrifying scene in front of them. Then after a long moment the Sergeant gulped, turned around and shrugged his shoulder, “Whelp, that’s that then, at least we know what happened to the scouts.”

Silver balked, watching him walk away, “Wait, aren’t you going to help him?”

“You don’t know what’s in this forest mate.” He said simply over his shoulder.

“Yeah.” The younger one parroted. His armour shaking louder than a cutlery drawer in an earthquake. Though, to be fair a stiff breeze could have achieved the same thing on him. “could be anything in there, Manticores, Land Sharks, pineapples.”

“Pineapples?” Silver said with a deadpan expression.

“Demon fruit,” The young soldier said with nervous exacerbation, “spiky and evil shaped things, nearly got my aunt once, couldn’t get it out of her mouth. I told her that’s not how you eat them, but did she listen?”

Silver watched them as they turned and began to walk back away from the cave. He heard a snapping noise as his hoof went to down on something. He lifted it up and spotted a cracked pair of spectacles. The exact same ones that Iron Hoof might have worn.

He stared down at them, then back up at the foreboding cave. Imagining his niece and the others in the place of that scout, being dragged to fields knew what by fields knew who. She could be in there.

They all could.

Silver might have been a coward by nature and convenience. But being a coward didn’t make one stupid. Quite the opposite in fact. Being a coward meant you had to think quite logically about what you ran away and explain why you hid behind old ladies and foals. It took a smart and very convincing mind to think up excuses for something like that fast.

Right now he was facing two different yet equally horrible ramifications. Either he went into a monster's lair and got horribly and painfully eaten or he went back to his sister, sat down for a cup of coffee and politely explained, very logically, that he had lost her daughter. Somewhere in the vastness of the wherever the heck he was. His sister was a smart mare. She would understand… Right?

“I’m going in.” Silver said quickly, taking a shaking step forward the cave.

“What, you’re mad!” The Sergeant said, turning back as Silver slowly walked up towards the lip of the cave. There was another all mighty roar just as his hoof touched the mouth of the cave. Loud enough that even Silver's almost welded down mane flickered briefly in the wind. He puffed up his chest, Then pulled out his comb, teased the leaves out of his black mane, Adjusted his mud soaked tie and stepped inside.

If he was going to face certain doom, He was a Tongue after all, everpony knew a Tongue did everything with style and decorum.

Even being eaten alive.

“He’s been in there for a while now.” The youngest soldier said, eyeing the fire they were all gathered around.

“What do you think, eaten?” Another soldier asked conversationally, poking at the fire with a stick and gnawing on the sole of a boot.

The Sergeant looked up in thought for a moment then shook his head. “Nah, at least not yet. Didn’t hear any high pitched screaming, always high pitched screaming when monsters are involved.” The other guard nodded their head in unison.

“Serge?” The youngest one said after a moment.

“Yes my colt?” He said lighting up a pipe.

Do you think… maybe we should have gone in and helped him?” He said looking back at the dark dripping cave.

“What makes you say that?” The Sergeant said in a tone of voice like the young stallion had just suggested tap dancing back to Canterlot in a frock.

“Well you know, us being soldiers and all?”

“Ahh.” He said puffing on his pipe, “Exactly, we’re soldiers, not fighters, big difference.”

The younger stallion cocked his head slowly. “It is?”

“Well, way I see it lad, ten percent of a soldier's job is fighting in a muddy field, you know, all war is hell, spears flying, ponies screaming and all Tatarus breaking loose. Then the other eighty percent is sitting around on your flank bored out of your mind you see?”

“Wouldn't this be one of those ten percent times?”

The Sergeant, who hadn’t gotten to his position by doing stupid things like charging into a dark cave or following suicidal ponies chewed thoughtfully on his half eaten bootstraps. Then he looking thoughtful into the sky, then thoughtfully at the ground before his eyes lit up. “Ah but you're missing one key detail of what I said, the field.” He said, nodding sagely.

The youngest soldier, who had attended one of the Sun princess experimental buildings called “Skhools” and had been chased by a mathematician around a class with a ruler and so was considered by most to be the closest thing to educated in their ranks, thought about that for a moment. “What about the other ten percent?”

“What?” The Sergeant said around a mouthful of boot.

“Well, eighty percent is waiting, ten is fighting, what’s the last ten?”

The Sergeant's eyes flickered nervously as he chewed, “Well, that’s um, that’s ehh.”

“Lookout.” One of the sentries behind them yelled, pointing towards the cave. “Monster coming, retreat!”

The Sergeant eyes lit up then, “Ah, That’s it, that's the last last ten!” He said, swallowing as he hopped upwards, ready to make a dash away from the cave.

“Wait,” The youngest one said, jaw half open, “is that?”

They could see it, that huge shambling thing out of the mouth of the cave, skin wobbling, distended belly scraping across the ground, and beside Silver Tongue was also three monsters.

They watched in stunned, rapturous silence as instead of screaming and flailing and unmentionable carnage.

There was just a lot of… talking?

“So you're saying.” The enormous orange scaly monster’s voice boomed out, scratched its elongated lizard like chin with a claw the size of a picket-fence “That whenever we lure sailors into the rocks with our singing and the locals come for us with pitchforks. All we have to do is give them a little bit of flattened wood mulch and tell them to take it up with you instead?” It said, indicating to the tiny scroll in its massive scales claws.

Silver nodded his head vigorously, “Of course, that’s gross public slander, everyone has the prerogative not to be chased with pitchforks, we live in a free society. Besides you have rights, expressing yourself with public singing, I mean how is that a crime?”

The orange monster giant brows furrowed, it looked first at the purple one and then the blue monster at either side of it who simply shrugged. “Even after we steal their magic and leave them mindless slaves?” It asked slowly, almost carefully, still trying to work out if the strange creature that had walked into their cave was mad, unwell or just stupid. Finally settling for a combination of all three.

If that seemed to deter Silver at all, nothing showed on his face. “If some pony isn’t paying attention when they’re supposed to be and hit a rock, I hardly see how it’s your fault.”

“Excuse us a moment.” The orange monster said huddling into a group with the others. All the while the stunned soldiers strained to hear what the monsters were saying.

“I still say we should just eat him.” The purple monster whispered, eyes flicking back to Silver who was adjusting his mud stained tie.

“You say that about everyone, let's just give it a go, what’s there to lose?” The orange one said.

“But what if that crazy creature's plan doesn’t work?” The blue one asked.

“Well obviously then we eat him.” The orange one said with a smirk.

They all glanced back at him, then the orange one gave one finally shrug and turned back to Silver. “You have a deal, small four legged mad thing.”

Silver beamed, “Excellent, I’ll have my assistant finish a draft for the year's projection, we’ll soon have a whole new image for you mr or mrs em?”

“Bone Splitter, Bone Splitter The Feared” The Orange one said laconically “and that's Teeth Smasher The Grand Mangler” it said pointing to the purple one, “and the last is Spine Smusher the eh, cuddler.”

“It’s a…work in progress.” The blue one said bashful.

“Honest names for honest faces, real go-getter names I say.” Silver smile faltered just a fraction. “Although, might I suggest a different nom de plume in the future?”

“A what the who?” Bone splitter growled.

“A page name, it’s easier for the public to empathise with a more eh, familiar proper noun, if you're musically inclined how about Soprano or I don’t know, how about Sonata maybe? A musical name for a musical minded siren?”

The orange one grimaced in disgust, but the blue opened its jaw, it’s eyes sparkled in the dark as it slowly began to smile. “Hey, I like that.”

Teeth Smasher only responded with a disinterested grunted, it looked at the others, made a circular motion with its talon against the side of its head. Then almost resentfully stuck its claws into its mouth and whistled.

The soldiers watched open mouthed as more ponies emerged from the depth of the cave, ragged, shaking and wearing the colours of the lost scouting expedition.

Silver Tongue led the group towards the rest of the soldiers, his wide smug grin never quite leaving his muzzle.

“H-How did you get those slimy monsters to side with you.” The youngest soldier asked, still unable to believe his eyes, even after he moved the helmet up from them.

“Monsters?” Silver said admonishingly, “I’ll have you know that is a slanderous misrepresentation of my clients, perhaps to them you are the monsters, ever think about that?”

“B-But They eat ponies.” The Sergeant said, watching Teeth Smasher pick a long jagged tooth with a bone.

“Greatly exaggerated, they eat meat and magic. Ponies just happen to be in the same bracket by coincidence. Ponies eat about six spiders a year in their sleep, does that make you a bird?”

“I do!?” The younger one said, going a sickly green.

“But they foalnapped our soldiers!” The Sergeant growled.

“On the contrary.” Silver said in a lecturing tone, clasping the scout known as Fair Ground on his back. “Your scouts walked into their property, how would you like it if a company of soldiers walked into your back garden. Anyway no harm done, Isn’t that right my good stallion?”

“S-so m-many t-teeth.” Fair Ground said, glassy eyed and shivering.

“That’s the spirit.” Silver said jovially, giving him a playful slap on the back. “Now no more talk about all this, unless you have a grievance, in which case I ask you to address it in writing to my office. Now then, you had some place to take us?”

The Sergeant thought about that for a moment, thought about asking questions then thought against it, he was never taught to question when a mission went well. Mostly because they never did. “Right, guess all’s well that ends well. Did you find that savag- eh I mean minotaur and your niece?”

Silver blinked, then, all of a suddenly he seemed to snap back to reality. He had been so frightened, so scared when he had seen the snarling faces of the sirens in front of him that his brain had stepped into overdrive and done what it did best. Sell, lie and cheat his way into a better outcome.

He hadn’t felt that way in years. Not since he had been tasked with Luna's return, he hadn’t had a challenge that he had actually enjoyed.

But now in the cold light of, we’ll not quite reality, he was still working that part out. But in the cold light of unreality, he felt. Well he felt like kind of a fool.

“Eh, no.” Silver said, looking over the battered and ragged scouts. He sagged as he gave a long sigh. “I didn’t see them. I didn’t see any pony I recognised.”

From behind him he heard one of the sirens grumble to the other, “What’s a minotaur?”

“A cow that forgot how to stand on four legs.” Bone Splitter answered.

“Oh you mean like the one that was being led up to the high places with those fluffy cat things with wings, the ones Grognag Village Burner says taste like chicken?” Cuddler asked.

“Oh, Everything tastes like chicken to her.” Bone splitter said disapprovingly.

Silver blinked, his brain editing out the other parts of that conversation in an effort to still let him sleep at night, “Wait, you saw a minotaur being led by griffons, where?”

The siren looked down at him then pointed over its shoulder. “Big rocks with flat tops, can’t miss it. Those griffons hide up there all the time. Lots of them. Sometimes you’re kind, go there all tied up.”

“Yeah and they’re so loud, always talking about someone named Liberty, and down with the tyrant. I don’t know who they are but they give me a headache.” The purple one added.

“Hey speaking of names, how does Sonata the Cuddler sound?” The blue one said, still partially zoned out from the conversation.

The Sergeant beside Silver gasped. “Wait a minute, they could be talking about the griffon headquarters, we’ve been trying to find that for years!” He grinned, “The High Marshall is going to want to hear about this!”

Silver, eyes darted in thought, griffons transporting ponies, that meant that perhaps Golden was there, Luna and the young princess too, though he dreaded to think what Luna would do surrounded by so many griffons.

If he couldn’t get to Canterlot, then perhaps this High Marshall pony could get him there.

“Hey, I just thought, if we have that paper, can’t we just eat them and use it anyway?” The purple siren said, snapping Silver out of his thoughts.

Suddenly realising just how much mortal danger he was still in Silver turned to the Sergeant and whispered. “Shall we go?”

The old stallion gulped and nodded “sounds like a good plan.” He said, slowly walking backwards from the sirens as they began to bicker amongst themselves.

“How far is the camp anyway?” Silver asked when they were far enough away to at least have a running chance from being dinner.

Silver heard the tell tale sliding of metal and turned to see the young soldier gazing into the sky. “Don’t know, too dark to say.” He said then helpfully someone pushed his Helmet back and he blinked, embarrassed.

“Not too far,” the Sergeant butted in, “I reckon we should make it by morning?”

Silver glanced up at the sun high in the sky. obviously he was mistaken, “but it’s already mid-day?”

The soldiers to a stallion all burst out laughing, “You know for a torturer you got a good sense of humour.”

“No more,” Silver gasped, collapsing onto the ground. Exhaling ragged gasps of breath as he crawled onto a rock, “l can’t go on, tell my family I love them and tell them it will be a cold day in Tartarus before Aunty Platinum gets my stamp collection.”

“Uh, sir, we’re here.” The young stallion said but Silver was already too far gone.

“I know she’s the one that out bid me for the Celestial coronation stamp last year. I only ever told one other soul it was being sold. Then it gets bought by an anonymous bidder and then she just happened to find an identical one in her attic, she doesn’t even own an attic the lying old-“

“-Sir get ahold of yourself!” The Sergeant said, grabbing Silver and shaking him by the lapels.

Silver blinked, sweat falling in rivulets from his forehead. “What? Oh, what’s going on?”

“We are here.” The Sargent said slowly.

Silver stared blurrily past the soldier and realised that the giant trees around them were no longer in view. Instead he stared down towards a giant oval opening in a valley filled with strange blooming red flowers, thousands of them. It took his eyes a minute longer to realise that they weren't flowers at all but tents. Untold numbers of them the air thick with smoke and the untold buzzing of Armed and armoured ponies like ants in a hive.

The sight alone would have sent military reenactment enthusiasts, weapon nuts and larpers all froth at the muzzle though truth it was all three names for the same thing. Silver rubbed his eyes, but still he couldn’t make sense of the vastness and logistical chaos of what was before him.

Despite his fatigue Silver felt renewed energy. Civilisation, that meant food, pony’s, hot baths, food, clothing, safety and food. Oh and some answers, that was good too he supposed, after food obviously.

They trotted on and all the while they walked down towards the camp, something niggled at the back of his mind. Something that told him that a lot of pony’s gathered together with spears always spelled a bad time.

It had to be reinforced in his mind, Equestria wasn’t at war, well not officially anyway. Yes it was invaded by horrors from beyond, insect ponies and chaotic gods practically weekly. In fact half the reason hostile countries seemed to give it a wide berth, was just in case they somehow contracted the same disaster prone disease.

But that wasn’t war. He had to get to the bottom of all this, preferably in safety, comfort and luxury but he would settle on two and a half of them right now if he had to.

Unfortunately the walls around the enormous camp didn’t fill him with either of those things. The wood was scorched in places and the spots that weren't were stuck with arrow heads.

The smell of fire and oil stung at Silver's nostrils, but that was like lavender next to the smell of the camp inside.

Silver caught sight of at least thirty groaning figures across the rivers of mud that served as raids in this place.

Unicorns with red crossed armbands darted through a field of groaning souls. Silver winced as he heard the conversations inside the tent.

“Medic!”

“My leg, I can't feel my leg?”

“That’s my leg you idiot!”

“Medic!”

“Oh fields above, my tail hurts, how does that even work?”

“Damn it, there’s no helping it, Nurse, get the saw and some alcohol stat.”

“For the patient doctor?”

“What? Oh eh, yeah give him some as well, I guess.”

Silver winced and trudged on, not wanting to hear the rest of those conversations anymore than he wanted to be there.

“Ah finally back in sweet civilization aye?” The Sergeant inhaled deeply and gave a beaming smile back at Silver, as though this muddy hell was some candle lit winter market bazaar. “You smell that?”

“I wish by all the fields above I didn’t.” Silver muttered and looked around, “was there a battle here, There’s a lot of wounded?”

“What?” The Sergeant said as if only just noticing. “Oh them, ha they ain’t wounded, you should see the ones over in that tent.” He said pointing to another closed off tent in the distance, “now they’re what I calm
Wounded, wanna take a look?”

“No!” Silver yelled, then coughed anxiously, “I mean, I’m good thanks.”

The Sergeant shrugged. “Yeah, it’s not a pretty sight. Been like this for months now, they always come at night, the cowards. They don’t fight like us, stallion to stallion you know.” He said elbowing Silver in the ribs, or where his ribs might have been under all that mass.

“Who doesn't?” Silver asked.

“The rebels lad, seriously, where you been,” he sighed. “They don’t have even half our number, so they’ve taken to hitting us in camp and running, coming out of the trees, that’s why we have so many scouting parties.” He leaned in close. “I’ll admit morale has been low. But with the information we just got and the fact we got ourselves a very own P.U pony, we can all rest easy knowing you’ll be plucking a few feathers am I right?”

“It’s PR and Yes, of course. Feathers, Eh listen, you mentioned this Lord Marshell was here, where is he?”

The Sergeant squinted then looked up at a hill in the distance and pointed to a huge tent that crowned the hill around the camp. “Central command is held up there, last I checked anyway. It’s been a while, why, what do you need them for.”

Silver flinched, he had forgotten to come up with a convincing lie to get in. “Well, you know, thought I’d introduce myself, it would be rude to eh get stuck into em, work straight away.”

“Oh, I get it want to show your work right to the top brass.” The Sergeant said with a wink, “come on I’m going that way anyway.”

They walked on towards the inner circle of the camp, which didn’t look much better than the outer walls they passed, a couple of soldiers were cooking, staring gloomily into a pan.

Silver had been taught never to turn down food. Perhaps it had stemmed from having too little while he was growing up or at the fact his mother had had to scrounge up whatever she could just to feed her him and his sister, what with Silver's father being away buying smokes, for the last forty years. But it said a lot that even he wouldn’t touch whatever was in that pan.

So caught up in the chaos around him He almost collided into the back of the Sergeant. He stared past him and spotted two armed guards in front of the command tent. The only two soldiers he had seen in full sparkling regalia since he had walked through the camp.

“Halt, who goes towards the Lord Marshall’s tent?”

“Stand Down Bright Lance, it's only me.” The Sergeant retorted.

The two stallions didn’t move an inch, “Who’s the other one?”

“The one with the weird get up who looks like a, a whats-a-name?”

“Magpie?” Silver said dryly.

“Nah, I was going to say a southern brush tail emperor penguin.” The other guard said.

“Listen here,” the Sergeant said, stepping forwards. “This stallion saved my hay bacon, he stood up to three monsters all without breaking a sweat and he also got information that could win this war.”

The two guards did not so much as flinch in fact they lowered their spears closer at the two of them. The Sergeant paused for a moment then added, “Oh he’s also the new torturer.”

“Oh, why didn’t you say so!” Both guards relaxed almost instantly, their faces splitting into huge grins as they lifted their spears, “fields it’s been so long since we had one of them.”

“Standards were really slipping there for a moment, glad to see the higher ups still care.” The other guard agreed with an enthusiastic nod.

“Yeah, honestly thought they’d make us do it.”

The other guard shivered, “Could you imagine, don’t know if I had it in me, it takes a real evil kind of trash to be a torturer.”

Silver opened his mouth to protest about the nature of his character but the guards were hardly paying attention.

“-And he’s so perfectly deformed as well.” The other guard added much to Silver's chagrin, “and look Lance, see his face, look at the way he’s glaring at us angrily with those beady narrowed eyes, gives you the willies just looking at him, now that’s proper professionalism that is.”

The other guard scratched his chin, “I mean he doesn’t have a hunch back. But still, they really splurged on us. Gonna have to write to my da about this.” He said excitedly. “We’ll go on, introduce yourself to the higher ups, be warned they've been a bit stressed these last few years?”

“Oh why thank you very much, I’ll try not cause too much trouble, what with my deformed evil ways and all!” Silver growled glaring at the two guards.

“Oh Lance, did you hear that villainous tone, just got a chill down my spine, he’s a real keeper this one.”

Lance stepped forwards bashfully, “C-could you sign my helmet, ma would love that.”

“No, I’m not signing anything and I’m not a deformed torturer, I’m in PR!” Silver yelled, stamping away and up into the tent.

They watched Silver and the Sergeant go then slowly one of the guards and asked, “What’s PR?”.

The other guard shrugged, “Don’t know, but by the look of that pony, I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy.”

Silver could hear shouting even as he approached the enormous tent. Yelling and clattering of steel and pompous threats reverberated around the fabric walls, he couldn’t make out whole sentences but words like “survival”, “the good of the kingdom” and “for king and country,” popped out like weeds in a flower bed.

He was no stranger to those terms, mostly from the mouths of nobles or union officials whenever Celestia told them that the pay increase was actually for their workers, and not for their new swimming pools.

Silver brushed back his mane and straightened his tie, what was left of it anyway and stepped inside.

Every pony stopped what they were doing and stared in his direction. Three stallions whose voices could have been heard halfway across the camp turned from a map towards him, Each one decorated in medals bicorne caps and ostrich feathers with enough plumage to put an adult peacock to shame.

“You there?” One of them barked, a green furred stallion. “What in the blazes are you doing here, this is for high ranking officials only.” He said giving in Silver's opinion a near expert sneer. He had known rules who couldn’t distance someone’s existence from a simple glance like this pony could.

Silver kept his face neutral, all the while he tried to formulate a plan. He could tell what they were. Blue bloods, aristocrats, nobles. His smile grew, finally familiar territory, monsters and strange scary forests were one thing. But disgruntled nobles, distancing his very existence with just a glance, finally something he could handle.

With deliberate slowness, Silver bowed and walked in as if he had every right to be there. “Gentlecolts, I have a message for the Lord Marshall.” He lied, walking towards the table they gathered around.

He suppressed the urge to flinch as another one of the nobles, a hard faced character with a scar across his muzzle slammed his hoof onto the table and leaned forwards. “Intolerable my good chap, explain yourself, or by Jove or one shall receive a jolly good roystering followed by a swift defenestration out of this boudoir by you lapels!” (1)

Again, Silver kept calm. “Again, good sirs, The message is for the Lord Marshall's ears only, what’s your name my good sir, who am I addressing?”

“I am Lord Stone Face knave.“

Silver baulked, his poker face crumbling. He had to be joking. Lord Stone Face, looked remarkably well considering the one Silver knew was more than a thousand years old and was also buried in Canterlot cemetery.

Then suddenly a nagging sense of familiarity struck him. Something about the stallions all three of them had seemed almost familiar to him. Like meeting some stranger who greets you like an old friend and talks to you and your group all the while you silently pray nobody around asks you what their name is.

Then suddenly it clicked. He had seen all three of them a thousand times. Not walking the Canterlot hallways but adorning them. Two dimensional beings brought to three dimensions. Three figures Painted on canvas, the self portraits of nobles a thousand and more years in the past. The three marshals of the battle of the Flat Tops.

War heroes or villains of the past depending on what classroom you went into, standing around in the flesh staring at him.

“Soldier, don’t just stand there gawking, say something or I’ll have you placed in the racks!” Spoke the last pony. Another gruff and scared figure. Marshal Plooms, if Silver had to guess.

Silver worked his jaw, he needed to keep control of the situation. Lucky for him, famous long dead warriors or no, they were still nobles and nobles were his bread and butter.

.“A-Ah Lord Plooms, of house Sparklehoof.” he said slowly his mind flicking desperately through the fling cabinet of useful information on 9th century nobles.

House Sparklehoof reigned from blah blah most notable for the owning of blah blah devoted to his loving sister, black sheep of the family, etc.. had an affair with somepony who was it, who was oh yes!

“Of course, where are my manners, how could I not recognise you?” Silver continued with a smile, “So good to finally put a name to a face. How is your sister? Is she well? I know she had trouble with her leg from time to time.”

The stallion blinked, his indignant glare morphing into cautious confusion. “Well, she ehh, she’s doing quite well, thank you.”

“That’s excellent. I hope that business between her and the butler finally gets sorted out, I haven’t seen her in court for a while though?”

The stallion flushed red, “How did, I mean, she’s um summering in Saddlebridge for the next ehh, nine months or so.” He stamped out eyes shifting towards the other noble lords.

Silver nodded sympathetically then turned his eyes searching through the stallions. He spotted one with a moustache that was almost as wide as his thick rimmed hat.

You must be Red Bar House Grey Tile, military family, father served in the war of etc etc , married to oh yes. I know just the thing!

"And you Marshall Bar, a pleasure to meet again, do give my regards to Money Bags, how is the guild contract shaping up, still troubling with that little account problem.”

“Wha-?!” He started to say then looking around, promptly shut his mouth and instead quickly added, “what money there was no money, no pony said anything about an illegal overseas account.” He froze, “forget you heard that part!”

“Of course.” Silver smiled, “Oh Marshall Stone Face is it?” He turned to look at the last stallion, who looked side to side then pointed at himself as if he had somehow been caught in the crossfire. “Y-yes?”

Lord Stone Face, famous warrior, first through the gates of Red Water, the toughest stallion to have ever picked up a sword and also secretly the world's most prominent collectors of stuffed teddy bears.

“My Lord Stone I’m so glad to see you, I promised a dear friend of yours that I’d pass on a message, he says that Mr Snuffle paws stands guarding your bed-sit and eagerly awaits your return.” Silver said softly. “He said you would know what that means.”

The stallion seemed frozen for a moment then suddenly misty eyed, a single tear rolled down the scar on his cheek and curled around his handlebar moustache. “E-excuse me a moment.” He said, pulling out a napkin and moving away from the group.

Silver smiled softly, “Now then gentle colts, as much fun as this is, I still have a dire message for this Lord Marshall, have you seen-.”

Silver felt his back grow cold and for a moment it felt as though all heat in the tent had drained away. A shadow draped over the four stallions like an eclipse. Slowly he turned around to look at what he thought was the front end of a train. The figure stood, regained in midnight black armour trimmed with edges of shimmering white. Thick and flawless. The helm covered its face so that the only thing Silver could see was his own panicked gaze in the reflection.

“Lord Marshall.” One of the stallions behind him bowed. “I was just about to-“

“Silence.” The voice rang thick and tiny through the helm. Even Silvers flinched at the foreboding tone. “What is this one doing here?”

Suddenly all of Silvers cleaver ideas left him. It felt as though his Tongue had been glued to the bottom of his mouth as he spoke.

“I um-“

“Art thou a mute? Speak!” The iron clad figure commanded.

“Well um...”

The figure moved forwards backing Silver into a corner, “I ask again, art though a simpleton?”

“I, I simply l,” the figure was massive, its presence forceful, its waving ethereal haircut with stars… wait stars? “Hang on a minute, Luna is that you?”

From inside the helm a sweet and feminine laughter emanated from inside the helm.

“Ha, we got thee good!” Luna roared as she pulled him into a nearly spine crushing hug. “Tis so good to see you old friends.”

“What are you talking about, Luna you saw me yesterday.” Silver wheezed.

“Ha, trying to get me back, do not be a spoiler of sport.” She nudged him playfully which almost sent him hurtling backwards into the table.

“My Silver Coin you look terrible, what has happened to you?” She said, even through the helm Silver could feel the glare as she looked at the other stallions. “Why has our esteemed guest not been given the greeting befitting of his station!”

“Silver Coin?” Silver Tongue asked brow raised, but the others spoke over him.

“Your highness, there is no time for that, we need to plan for the assault if-“

“The assault can wait for a few minutes, my friend is tired and-“ she glanced back at Silver “clearly in need of a bath. Keep thine butts to yourself.”

There was a snigger somewhere in the distance as Luna looked around, “why do ponies keep laughing when I say that?”

Red Bar looked as though he was going to speak then finally bit his lip, “O-of course, your highness as you command.”

The others left. All except for Lord Stone Face, the grizzled veteran glanced around for a moment and then leaned into Silver's ear and whispered, “Tell nanny to please keep a candle burning, Mr Snuffles is scared of the dark.” He said, then stood rigid, snapped a flawless salute to the princess, then as if to save face, began bellowing orders at a startled guard outside.

“So Silver,” Luna said over her shoulder as she walked towards the table and fused with the buckles under her helmet. "How have thou been Silver?”

“How have I been?” The question confused him, the casualness of it made something inside boil with anger, “how have I been, did you just ask me that?!”

“Was that not proper?” Luna asked, “we can skip the pleasantries if thou prefers, ah blast these finicky buckles.” She cursed.

Like a string in a guitar being wound too tightly something snapped inside of Silver. He stomped over towards Luna, “Have you lost your mind, what the heck is wrong with you, seriously are you acting like a fo-”

He stopped, watching as Luna emerged from under the metal helm. Reveal a pony far smaller and far too youthful than it had made her out to be.

She was still at least three hooves taller than him in every other way she was not the mare he knew. For one thing, she was not a mare, but something almost foal like. A mare caught at the age of somepony young enough to be asked for ID at a bar and just about too old to get a lolly pop from their doctors for being brave. Let alone somepony wearing full armour and being called Lord Marshall of an army. Luna and her sister always looked like mares that never aged past thirty. But this Luna who he was looking at right now looked barely older than fifteen.

“Oh fields above, I really am in the past aren't I?” He muttered, dread dropping with all the unfortunate horror of an anvil dropping onto a wedding cake.

“I-Is everything the matter, Silver Coin?”

He blinked realising he had been standing there staring straight ahead for the past minute. Luna, looking like a student at her desk rather than a monarch of a nation, was watching him with a nervous expression on her face.

Silver tried to speak, but what was there to say, his words felt like lead in his mouth. His years, it was in that moment that he was trying to find anything to say that he noticed Luna's ear flickering, like she was listening to something. He also noticed then that what he took for eagerness was something else, nervousness.

“Ah, eh, where are our manners, you must be famished, please sit, have some wine Silver Coin.” Luna said, after a moment levitated a jug of wine and pouring it into a glass. Silver noticed that her hoof was shaking ever so slightly and she almost cursed as the wine spilled over the rim.

“Um, why do you keep calling me Silver Coin?” He said slowly.

Luna stared at him for a moment, her ear flickering again. She winced as though something had scolded her then, in what might have been called panic if he could imagine somepony like Luna being capable of panic added quickly, “We apologise, would thou prefer the title instead Arch Chancellor, we have been away from court too long.” Her laughter was quick and nervous.

“Uh, No-no, your highness Silver Coin is good… I suppose.” Silver Tounge said, deciding that it was better to stay in the lie for now. “So, um how are yo-“

“-Fantastic!” Luna sputtered out so quickly that Silver flinched. “Never better, we are sweeping through the land like one of those farming things with the sharp blade on the end. We even took one of their towns today.”

Silver winced, rubbing his ear. “Uhh, that’s… great I’m sure that you-“

“-They burnt it down before we got there of course.” She added interrupting him, her voice growing more agitated. “The town, that is, they also torched all the farms and all the places to get food,” her brow furrowed as she looked down in misery then perked back again.” B-But still a moral victory aye?” She said, a panicked and all together too toothy smile.

“O-Of course.” Silver said slowly. Like trying to soothe an agitated puppy or more accurately an all powerful, pubescent puppy with the power to move a moon on a whim.

“Soon enough we'll corner them and string them by their weedy little tails, you can tell grandfather that.” She said, sipping from her glass.

“Um, your highness, that cup is empty.”

“Victory is assured…but um, it will take time.” She said shifting backwards, unable to fully meet his gaze. “I just need a little more than was promised last year.”

He didn’t know why she was acting so strangely towards him or why she was telling about all this but even though this was practically a stranger to him. He still felt compelled as her friend to comfort her. “I’m sure you will have it completed in no time, whatever it was you are fighting.”

That didn’t seem to comfort her, quite the opposite in fact, “no time?” She said her voice cracking, “But, we can win this war, the griffons retreat everyday. We make new strongholds, please!” She said looking at him as though she was about to break down, “could you not find us more time, more... money.”

Ah there it was, now he realised why she had called him by that name. She thought he was his great great grandfather Silver Coin, the stallion who controlled the king's coin. A stallion as aggressively agoraphobic as a honey badger caught in a pipe drain and was even more protective about its expenditure. Why else would she think he had come all this way if not to talk about money.

He leaned backwards slowly, working out how best to work this, after all he did not know what the real Silver Coin had been telling her. “Princess I’m not here to talk about money-“

“-Please, I know grandfather is cross about the slowness of the campaign but I can’t fight an enemy that will not meet me in batt- wait, you're not?” She said her tirade ended before it could kick up into manic.

“No, I just, um I just came to... see how you are doing.”

“Oh?” She said, the tightness of her shoulders sagging slightly, those panicked young eyes widening like a young filly who had managed to convince the teacher that it really was the dogs fault after all. “Y-You don’t know how happy I am to hear that.” She said, finally slumping down onto the throw pillow.

“Are you okay princess, you seem stressed?” He said softly.

“What, no of course I am perfectly well, never better.” She snapped her eyes looking everywhere but at his.

Silver simply stayed quiet, it was amazing the power of simply not saying anything could do to somepony.

“Well…perhaps we are a little, um stressed?” She admitted hesitantly tapping her hooves together. She turned then, just slightly; her ear lifting upwards as if listening to an advisor.

“Princess, I’m only one pony, but I’m good at listening. If you want to lend an ear, all you have to do is ask.” He said, giving her a genuine smile and holding his hoof towards hers.

She glanced at it, then him, there was a ghost of a smile on her face at the gesture. “Perhaps, that sounds like something I could, huh?”

Silver looked over his shoulder for a moment, but spotted no one. “I didn’t say anything, are you sure you’re okay Luna.” When Silver turned back Luna was not looking at him, her smile was slipping and her brows butted together.

He felt the hoof slip away as her eyes narrowed down at him. “Why are you here, Silver?” The voice was even but there was a knife edge of accusation there.

Silver thought about spilling the whole truth then, telling this Luna exactly why he was here. After all, the Luna he knew could spend weeks arguing that it could not possibly be Thursday but could take things like time leaping and cosmic entanglement of the conventional timeline in the same stride as being told it might rain today.

But at the same time, Silver had not got in his position by playing his whole hand out for all to see. Also at the same time, suddenly thoughts came to his mind about butterfly’s effects and space time continuum and changing the past. He settled lamely on “My niece and her eh, friends, a cub as well, I need your help to find.”

“My help?” Luna said slowly. “What is it that you need my help that you could not get back home with grandfather or sister?” She seemed to catch herself and added, “not that we would not be able to provide you with just as much help, no more in fact, we could find you nieces, two nieces even!” Then she felt her ear flicker again, and pretended to look bored at her hoof.

“Really Luna, thank you. If you could, we could travel back to Canterlot, and get Celestia to help as well. I’m sure that if both of you-”

“-My sister?” Luna interrupted, her brow knitting together a prominent form forming on her muzzle, “Did I not just say that we would help, did you not just ask for our help specifically, why would we need the assistance of our sister in this matter?”

Silver was taken aback by the sudden change in Luna's tone, “I didn’t mean any offence by it, but you know two minds are better than one and-” His lips froze as she lifted up her hoof for silence. Again Luna looked past Silver again her ear twitched, again she nodded to words that no pony spoke, “is that so, are you sure?” She said, looking sideways for a moment.

“Am I sure of what?” Silver asked, looking to his side and seeing nothing, when he turned back Luna's face had hardened, her eyes narrowing just a fraction.

“Hmm, I see,” she said and to Silver's dismay her face seemed to darken, hardened almost like a shadow had passed over one side. “You always were good at lying Silver, I know my sister admired that, you two share similar craven qualities.” There was almost a hiss in that tone now.

“I, what?” Silver said, taken aback by the sudden insult. Though in fairness Silver would have taken that for a complement of it hadn’t been spoken with such venom.

“You think I’m stupid?” She said slowly standing upwards, even for a teen she towered above him. “You the Marshall's, grandfather and sister. I know you have no niece, you’re an only foal. Why have you really come, to spy on me? but for whom, perhaps a friend, a lover, a sister of mine?”

“Lover?!” Silver nearly spat out, the thought making him almost nauseous. “Luna, what are you talking about?!”

“We know you’ve always been her pet,” she spat. “We know sister has not given up trying to bring me home, partitioning the king to end this war, she wants all the glory for herself. But Grandfather won’t hear it, so she sends you to find the nail that will fit my coffin.”

Silver wiped the sweat forming on his forehead. This didn’t sound like Luna at all, true she was often angry, and easily offended and yes a touch violent depending on the mood. But he had never spiteful towards her friends.

“Luna please, this isn’t what you think it is, I just need you-“

“-You will address me as your magistrate, or Lord Marshall or you will not walk out of this tent whole!” She yelled, smashing the table in two with her hoof.

Silver gasped as he fell backwards. For a moment it was as if the wall behind her was the abyss of black night, starless and cold, a row of fangs flashed in her muzzle.

“Please Lun- your majesty, I just needed to find my niece, she’s out there alone with a one year old, I just thought that you could help me as my friend, I have no pony else I can turn to but you.” He said, wincing his foreleg over his eyes.

He waited for a long moment, waited for the blaze of alicorn fury. Then as quickly as it had come the blaze of ice like intensity settled, the winds seemed to calm.

“No,” it was Luna's voice again, soft, almost inaudible, almost scared, “I will not, this is wrong, he is my friend.” Luna's voice yelled above him as if arguing with herself.

Silver dared to open his eyes, gasped as she picked him up and then, much to his surprise gently set him back down looking at him not with anger or spite, but with a sickly guilt.

“I-I’m sorry Silver Coin. We… do not know what came over us.” She said slumping down onto the chair, clutching her head.

Silver leaned back upright and quickly checked broadly that all his limbs were at least roundabout where they should be, “Are you sure you’re okay your majesty?”

Luna winced, stood up from the remains of the table and began to walk away, clutching her head. After a moment she glanced back, unable to meet Silver's gaze. “I’m sorry I do not feel well, we shall look for this niece and this cub of yours Silver, of course we shall.”

“T-Thank you princess.” Silver said slowly lifting himself up from the floor.

The formal title seemed almost painful, like when a child hears their name in full, they knew they were in real trouble, her frown became stern as she gave a long low whistle with her hoof.

Not a moment later he felt the chill air against his back as the tent flaps moved and another figure entered the tent. Luna glanced from Silver towards the figure, “I need you and your scouts to scour the Forest, my friend has lost his niece and a cub in them. Finding them will be your top priority.”

“Of course princess, finding lost mares and little cubs is my specialty, you could almost say that was my main objective all along.”

Silver froze, the voice touched a part of his mind reserved for abject horror like seeing a fin in open water or someone making small talk at a bus stop. He felt claws, sharp claws press against his shoulder. Not hard enough to puncture skin but with an underlying strength that told him that it was only out of the kindness of the thing it was attached to that he didn’t have four new holes to breathe out of.

The figure leaned towards him and spoke into one twitching ear. “Hello my fat little friend.” He whispered in Griffonian like a wind in a graveyard. “I’ve been waiting for one of you lot to come, do you know how long I’ve been here?” And the claws dig just that little bit deeper. “What do you say me and you go and find that little cub and finish the job, aye?”

“What’s the matter, Silver, you look like you’ve seen a ghost?” Luna said, her tone was one of pure concern. But Silver noticed that little spark behind them, a cruel malice he had never seen on the princess before. But he had heard plenty of that from Celestia. After all this was before Luna was banished, and Silver knew exactly why she had been banished. Who had caused her banishment.

He had thought he had been the lucky one. But now he realised that he was not just out of time and in a world he didn't understand. But that he was surrounded on all sides by monsters.

Author's Note

As ever with any group, ponies, even noble ones tend to have their own illogical and to an outsider frankly baffling nomenclature. Especially if it differentiates them from other groups, mainly poorer, more unwashed groups. Take for example the case with lord Paper Back who refused to use conjunction words because they were far too common and vowed to never again speak basic uncouth words like “the” and “and”. Incidentally this was not the only interesting quality to this pioneering Lord. He is also notable for his mysterious final words that he yelled from outside his bedroom window one night, which were “house, fire, help, quick.” Historians to this day are still trying to piece together what it could mean.

Nightmare in the Woods

“You waited too long to strike, now it is us that will have our heads on a pike!”

“Chieftain Mamook, you have been told before, we need to wait for the scouts to come back and confirm the location of rebel griffons headquarters.” Stone Face growled over the table at the disgruntled Zebra in front of him.

“Damn you, you sit on your little porch, whist my forces have been put to the torch!” Mamook roared, his golden brackets clanking against his stripes forelegs as he slammed his hoof down onto the table. “What is done can not be undone, damn it all they have my son!”

“And who’s fault is that, you were told to wait until the main forces arrived. But you wanted glory.” Sparklehoof said, his muzzle gaunt, almost hollow across the dark candle lit tent.

“Glory?!” The zebra chief snarled, “it is us who the griffons had struck, so do not tell us how to handle these rebels you ignorant -“

“Enough!” Lord marshal Luna growled across the table. The other stallions around her froze, even Mamook who reluctantly eased back into his seat. Luna winced at the pain in her skull. So this is what her grandfather dealt with? No wonder he was always angry.

Luna messaging her head, blast it these headaches were getting worse and worse and these babbling old stallions and zebras were not helping. “Chief Mamook, steady yourself, we are not fighting each other here!” She lifted herself up, nearly stumbling from her seat as she glanced at the venerable lords around her.

Good assert your authority, dominate them. If these old stallions won’t respect you, let them fear you instead.

“Lord Marshall. Let us take a hunting pack. We will find this rabble and go on the attack!” Mamook said after a moment.

“And leave half the army with their flank exposed!” Marshall Red Bar squawked.

“That is treason!” Stoneface roared in agreement.

“Treason?” Mamook balked at the idea, “says the Marshall without reason. You have done nothing but sit on your flank, eating cake and laying like a plank.”

“That is it, you crass talking savage, I have had quite enough of you.” Stoneface growled, fumbling for his sword.

Oh look at that, nothing like a little blood to get the soldiers blood boiling, what fun.

Luna bit down, her head hurt. it had been getting worse and worse since

“I said enough,” her voice was like a crack of thunder, as she grabbed both Stoneface and Mamook in each hoof and lifted them into the air. “I am the ruler here, I am the one who you obey.”

Now, now little Luna, let’s sound like a ruler and not a little foal throwing a tantrum… you can’t just say you're a leader… you should make an example of one of them.

Luna ignored the painful and tempting thoughts buzzing in her mind, though it was getting harder and harder lately. “Grandfather, your king put me in charge of dealing with this rebellion and I will not have disorder in my court.”

“A-and what have you done, is this all for your vain fun?” Mamook croaked out, teeth bared at her as his hooves clawed pointlessly at Luna's vice-like grip.

“What was that?” Luna growled, dropping Stoneface as she turned to him.

“Y-you are like a foal playing at war, i-it is obvious to all you have never done this before.” He spat, “S-since you have been here, what have you done, talked and talked while they have taken my s-son. You are unfit to lead, your command is as thin as a r-reed. Leave it to stallions who know of this craft, it would have been better if you had been a g-good mare, raised a foal and complained to your staff.”

The tent was silent at that, nothing save the howling winds could be heard. Of this Luna could hear nothing save the grinding of her teeth and beating of her heart in her eardrums. The fear that everything she had worried about had been called to the front and the anger at this worm of all of them had called her out.

Do it, do it now, you know you want to.

Luna felt ever muscle in her body tensing, her teeth bared like a wolf showing its fangs, her body was not her own then, she was a passive spirit hovering behind her own eyes as she slowly but inexorably began to squeeze the zebra's throat.

Yes, show him. Show him haha, show him why you, not sister, deserve to rule!

She was vaguely aware of a fat pony rushing forwards, Silver Tongue, no, no that wasn’t right. Silver Coin beside her, he was holding her foreleg, trying vainly to get her to stop “Princess, oh fields above, please stop, he can’t breathe you’re going to-

“-Message for the high command!” A pony soldier announced, sauntering inside, his beak curved into a smile as he looked at the chaos inside the tent.

Not a soldier, a griffon, our griffon.

Luna blinked, the silhouette of an armored stallion in her mind's eye all at once changed to the form to a griffon, a griffon with a yellow beak that gleamed, not like gold but like a pair of brass knuckles heading towards someone’s face.

Luna rubbed her eyes, no of course it was a griffon, who else could it have been, one that had come out of nowhere and offered its services all those months ago, sauntered in. What had she thought it was a stallion she had sent?

“Princess,” Silver Coin and also not Silver Coin pleaded, “Luna by all the grass in the field, please stop!”

Luna finally snapped out of her thoughts long enough to realise what Silver was saying. She saw the nearly blue zebra in her hooves, gasping and dropped him to the ground. The chieftain sucked in huge rasping breaths of air, writhing on the floor. But no pony was paying attention; all were focused now on the Griffon.

“Well don’t just stand there, out with it soldier.” Marshall Red Bar snapped as the smiling black cloaked griffon. Who was now watching the Zebra with lifeless black eyes, like a crow watching a worm on the ground.

“It seems the fat pony was correct,” he said finally, flicking those soulless eyes up towards Silver. “We found it right where he said it was.”

“You did, where?” Stoneface asked breathlessly, lifting himself up from the floor.

The griffon pointed out towards the camp out further past the flat mountains, the tops cut as if some great giant had sliced the tips off them generations ago. Perhaps it had? “It’s been looking down at us this whole time.”

Finally, victory is in our grasp.

The tent exploded as the ponies began to argue with themselves. But Luna wasn’t listening, she was still staring down at her own hoof in horror, terrified at what she had just done, at what she had been prepared to do. If it had been just that little bit longer she would have…

It would have shown that you were the one in charge? Snap out of it. Don’t look weak!

Luna shook her head. No time for that now. She felt hope burning away some of the pain in her head, hope that at least now she could see an end to this. A way to earn her name and rank amongst her grandfather's side “Summon our forces, all of them, make ready the camp. We set out at day break and finally send all of these damn rodent chasers to—“

*snap*

Luna stopped mid-sentence at the alien noise that sounded just behind her. She turned and spotted nothing. Literally, there was no tent anymore. No billowing wind or wooden planks hastily laid out for a floor. But utter blankness.

What!?

Surprised Luna spun back to her soldiers and Marshall’s. But the whole scene in front of her had changed. The war table was filled with food. But not just that, a banquet fit for a coronation. Candelabras, red velvet place mats and silver plates stuffed with cheeses and sweet hays.

Each member sat around the table in the velvet chairs. All in their finest suits and ties all looking up expectantly at her.

Hadn’t they just been in the war tent, when had they moved towards the banqueting hall. Did they even have a banquet hall?

“Princess?” She turned to see Silver Coin, three plates balancing mountains of food. “Surely you're not going to muster our forces without desert?”

“D-desert?”

What, what is happening!?

She turned and stared at the banquet in front of her. Food lay in silver platters with the Marshall’s all staring expectantly at her. “Oh right, desert…yes of course, Uhh, how silly of me.” She said trying to work out what was going on.

She gestured for the waiter, only a single paw came out from behind her with a large silver tray and cover and set it out in front of her.

“Speech.” Marshall Stoneface slurred, sloshing a goblet of wine “I bloody love speeches.” He had one hoof around Chief Mamook shoulders, the two of them drunkenly holding the other upright ready to fall at any movement. “Yes,” Mamook slurred, “and end with a joke, like the one about the circus trick, about the stallion who could stand using only his-“

Ignore this, this is not supposed to be happening. You are at war, you are not in some banquet hall.

Lunas whimpered as a blinding migraine throbbed in her skull, the walls of the banquet seemed to melt away, but then as if something was fighting it, it returned as if it had never left.

“Princess,” Silver Tongue Coin said, his face serious which only made the white face paint red lips and red ball on his nose, all the more confusing “Has there been any news of my niece? I have to find her and your daughter, perhaps if you could *Chirp chirp*.”

Luna blinked, “what did you say Silver?”

“I said *Chirp chirp purr*, your majesty.”

Ignore that, Ahh when I find who’s doing this I’ll...

The metal cover on the table by Lunas hooves began to vibrate slowly, moving and emanating a soft purring sound. Luna glanced around as Lord Stoneface downed a whole mug of cider upside down to the chant of “chug, chug, chug!”

“What is making that noise?” Luna asked.

“In here.” A tiny echoing voice answered..

“Apologies, your majesty.” The disembodied voice of the waiter said from behind her, “I thought it was getting quite dower in here, too much brooding for my liking. Allow me.” A mismatched claw shot out of nowhere and lifted up the tray to reveal a smiling little griffon cub who was looking up at Luna. Big yellow eyes surrounded by purple feathers and a soft white head of downy primary’s looked up at her, tail wagging with an heir of innocent inquisitiveness.

“Yay, you found me.” She cheered.

You? I knew it, What are you doing here you chaotic Rat. This is my domain!

The disembodied voice gasped dropping the metal covering, “Rat? I’ll have you know I’ve always thought of myself as more of a snake, but I suppose you should know all about vermin, parasite.”

I will make you eat those words, idiotic fool!

“I’m positively quaking in my boots, now off with you, go brood somewhere else for a while.”

You dare come to my domain, this is not the end, when I…

Suddenly the ground began to shake beneath Lunas hooves. She clutched the table as everything else fell around it. She felt a pinching sensation on her nose and sneezed.

“Bless you.” The little Griffon cub said with a wide smile.

“Thank you.” Luna said, clutching her nostrils, glancing down at the griffon, “I don’t suppose you know what’s going on?”

“Nope, I don’t.” She giggled, “But it’s fun.”

Those were not the words Luna would have used. “What are you doing here anyway?”

“I'm here to wake up new mommy, she’s been asleep too long and there are a lot of scary monsters about.”

“New mommy?” Luna said, head cocked in surprise. “Where is she, this new mother, little one?” She glanced around, seeing nothing around them but the quiet void.

The cub giggled, “Silly, she’s right next to me.” She paused her little brow furrowing, “Buuut, she’s also somewhere else, but also here.” She scratched her little head with her back paw almost like a dog. “It’s really confusing. We’ve been running for days now. It's been really fun. But mommy’s getting really tired, she’s not sleeping at all.” The little cub frowned, “also, she hit her head whilst we were running from a big scary monster, then she went all dizzy and fell over.” She looked upset, but then puffed out her little chest, “So I’ve been guarding her all morning.”

“Oh?” Luna said, as she saw the world around her start to drip and melt away, “Well then, um good job umm.” She looked at the cub, “What’s your name?”

The cub shrugged, “Don’t know, other mommy hasn’t given me one yet. she’s probably still thinking really hard though!” She added excitedly.

“Well that can’t be right, everything should have a name, even your kind.” Luna said, “where is your mother, your other new mother, that is, she should be given a lecture in parenting.”

“Too right,” That strange and oddly familiar voice said in the distance. “Absolutely terrible, do you know how hard it is to write something that doesn’t have a name, the hoops you have to jump through, terribly confusing.”

The cub chirped happily, “yay, it’s the funny creature, he’s back.”

“He never left,” and Luna turned to see none other than Discord staring at her, those different coloured eyes glaring at her, the madness burning like an open flame in the back of his small black irises that she could see the destruction and creation of galaxies in moments, madness, pure and untwined chaos.

“What are you doing here?” Luna said, watching as Discord picked up the cub and placed her gently on his shoulder.

“Oh you know me, same old, went to cause mayhem then got sucked into a portal and sent back in time, did battle with a spirit hell bent on world domination, ate some popcorn and now I’m here, pretty much the usual really.” He said, glancing at his nails. “Now I’m just seeing all the havoc unfold, as a purely passive observer of course.” He said with more relish, then glanced at some sort of portable sundial on his wrist. “Oh drat, the passage of time is always such a pain, speaking of pain.”

He turned back to Luna and then without a word pinched her muzzle hard.

Luna gasped as her blood shot eyes opened. She winced as something sharp dug into her nose. She spotted a tiny fluffy Newton’s cradle waving back and forth in front of her eyes. It took longer than it should to realise it was a tail and what she was staring up at was in fact a little griffon and the pain in her muzzle was her back paw nails currently using her nose as a pin cushion

The cub was facing something in the distance. It’s…her back was arched, her fur standing on edge. Feathers puffed up making her look like a kitten with its head stuck in a snowball.

Luna groaned, pushing the cub's paw away from her as she tried to rub her eyes. “What is going on?” Why was she on the floor, when had she gone to sleep? She fished through the haze of memories, but it was no use, everything was a blur and her head ached. It hurt worse than when she had accidentally taken a sip of her sister's new black wine and woke up two months later half the continent away, half shaved from the waist down and wearing someone else’s underwear.

Like that time she could only remember snippets of what had happened. She could only remember running. Running for…how long had it been? Days? How many she couldn’t say, three, no four, she had seen the moon rise four times, worryingly none of them by her own accord. That was frightening. Something else was controlling her moon.

The last thing she had remembered was running by moonlight. That was a worrying thought in and of itself. But what was more worrying, was why had she been running in the first place?

She yelped as the cub moved backwards her paw and the needle-like nails attached stabbing into her muzzle again.

“Get off me you little devil.” Luna yelped, snatching up the cub and nearly falling over as she dragged herself upright. “Can thou not get five minutes reprieve from thine clownish antics?” She was about to go on. A lifetime of chewing out nobles, maids and overly enthusiastic door salesmen had left her with a monologue that could send a thousand ships the other way.

But the little cub didn’t even notice. Her eyes were still fixed ahead of her. A long and low growl, like that of a wild cat intertwined with a shriek of a bird of prey emanated from its beak.

“What art thou so focused on?” Luna glanced up from the cub and towards…nothing. Only the base of a giant tree, the small foliage surrounding it and an enormous boulder in a large pond. Again the ache of familiarity bled into her, the place familiar in its ways. But she couldn’t concentrate on anything because of the pain in her head and the pain in her flank, that being this little rodent chaser.

“Oh will you stop that infernal racket.” Luna growled, bloodshot eyes narrowing down at the seemingly inexhaustible cub.

The little demon had growled at everything. Literally everything, for days now. It had pounced and growled and hissed at the slightest movement in the woods.

She would have called it’s suicidal bravery admirable. If it wasn't for the fact that it was clearly just some animal insisting, after all as Luna had often been told by the alchemists of her day, griffons were naturally predisposed to fight anything and everything, like bulls or Scottish ponies on Saturday nights after the bar had closed. It wasn’t their fault, it was just an instinct like breathing.

But still if it had not been for that, perhaps she would have said the cub reminded her very much of herself at that age.

She had been told she had the heart of a lion, the black princess she had been called on later campaigns against the dreaded evil Baron Von Kind Heart the Charitable and his wicked reign of tyranny. Even from the tender infantile age of twenty five she had been told she would tackle the biggest of teddy bears and send unwitting butlers diving for cover. An infant alcorn despite its cuteness was still akin to fluffy dynamite on four hooves.

But there had to be a limit to bravery and paranoid stupidity and to Luna this cub had reached her limit about two nights ago.

“Will you shut up,” she hissed at the cub bringing muzzle to beak. The cub squirmed, moving her head back towards the rock.

“Four days, four whole Tatarus damned days you have been a thorn in my behind, courting danger, jumping at beasts and animals alike well that ends this second.” She walked up towards the rock watching as the infant's eyes widened. It watched with a weary glare as Luna marched up to the stone, “watch and educate thyself,” Luna said knocking the rock, the sound of a soft *thud thud* emanated from deep within.

She glared at the cub who was still looking at the rock. “Do you see now, nothing, no predator, no monster, just cold hard…” she paused, looked back at the rock and thudded it again. That was strange, stones did not make a *thudding* noise. Normally, they made a sort of *dink-dink* noise.

Come to think of it, stones didn’t often feel warm to the touch. Or grin down at you.

Luna stepped backwards as water spilling out from each end of a crack as the ‘stone’ began to slowly inexorably rise up from the little pond. A horizontal crack formed in the middle and opened into a fleshy maw, inside of that sat a row of very sharp stalactites which Luna was starting to unfortunately realise were very large teeth.

Two more cracks in the stone opened to reveal emerald eyes, reptilian slits glanced down at her. She might not have been afraid of rocks but she reckoned she had about three seconds to learn how to be.

“Do, not, move.” Luna whispered slowly, mostly to herself, her bloodshot eyes were now open wide and very painfully awake. The rock turned slowly revealing a reptilian maw, almost crocodilian in nature, as a giant slit like iris focused on where Luna was standing.

As if Luna's words were a challenge. The cub wriggled from Luna's grasp, let out a growl and lunged at the behemoth, talons first. The cub latched on with a barely audible *thunk.* Luna watched, in equip parts horror and if she was being honest with herself awe as the cub began pecking at the monster.

Unfortunately it did little more than confuse the being as It took a moment to collectively comprehend what was happening. After all normally to its mind, prey ran, prey didn’t willingly jump towards its mouth save in dreams. But then when its ancient reptilian brain understood what was happening, it let out an almighty earth shaking roar.

Luna didn't wait; she sprang up. Instinct taking over from rational thought. The roar of the beast threw the cub upwards into the air. Luna dived, grabbed ahold of the cub just as the massive jaws clamped down on both of them.

The rockodile jaws snapped shut with a sound like a tree cracking in half, then silence. It stood there, prey eaten, with a satisfied grin. It had been a good day as far as a twenty ton lizard could comprehend the ideas of ‘days’ or ‘good’ for that matter.

The others at the spawning pool had laughed at it when it had gone out to look for prey. They had said that a real Rockadile never went looking for prey, they stayed waiting for days, weeks, months until either prey came to them, or in some unfortunate cases a giant herd of stampeding elephants did. Which happened often enough it was basically considered death by natural causes.

But this Rockadile was a pioneer of its kind. The problem was, when you're the first of your kind, that often means you’re usually the first to find out the unique problems that nobody tells you about.

Such as prey that fights back.

It was only when it began to move that it noticed a pain in its stomach. It glanced around nervously, a Rockodile usually lived on a steady diet of limestone, granite and meat. As such its digestive tract had a lot in common with a volcano, nothing ever came out once it went in. The idea of a stomach ache wasn’t something it was evolutionarily equipped to deal with.

It let out a guttural wheeze, eyes widening and tried to swallow. Then to its horror, a hoof latched onto the top of its lip and then another one at the bottom. The Rockodile tried to bite down but despite having jaws strong enough to crack diamonds, found to its even greater horror that its jaw was slowly being prised open anyway.

Luna roared as she lifted the maw of the beast up over her head. Slick with slime and other things she would rather not focus on at that moment. Her muscles strained as she moved the jaws of the creature further apart with all her might. The cub still hissed even nestled in her wing. Luna gave one final growl, flung the jaws up over her head and diving forwards, just as they snapped shut again.

The two of them rolled on the dirt, coating her night blue fur and the little ones brown and white ones in dust and mud. She shot up, tried to run but stumbled. Her exhausted legs tangled together like a newborn doe but Adrenaline and terror made up for a lack of coordination.

She didn’t have to look back to tell that the beast was following her, the shaking of the ground, the monstrous roar and trunks of trees raining down around her like confetti gave her a good impression already of how close the monster still was.

Even in mortal peril she could hardly keep her eyes open, the world seemed like a blur, images dividing in front of her. She had gone weeks without sleep before, but that was with Alicorn magic. Now as a (almost) normal pony it was like drunk driving a wagon through a festival grounds.

She narrowly ducked up a gnarled root about the size of a fire hydrant and heard the crunching of it under the beast's claws a second later. It was gaining on her. She felt the cub climbing up her back onto her flank, hissing at the monster all the way.

Other strange alien creatures skirted past her into bits of boggy water or fluttering into the air. She grimaced at her tired wings, but there was nothing else for it, she turned grabbed ahold of the infuriating little lioness and lifted herself off the ground just as the Rockadile dived for her.

It crashed into the venerable giant tree a second later, sending leaves in their hundreds falling down around Luna in the air as she winced with each flailing flap of her wings.

Watching with satisfaction as the beast shook its head in pain and stared left and right wondering where its food had gone.

“Huzzah!” She gave a breathless laugh more from adrenaline than good humor, “foolish creature, have you not heard, no one eats the moon princess and gets away with it!” Luna chided then grimaced. Her whole body was in agony. But at least up here she was safe.

“Huzz.” Came a small voice of the cub behind her punctuated by a foal-like giggle. “Huzz!”

Why had she not simply flown away, the thought nagged at her. Seemed an obvious one now that she was up in the air, had she not tried this before? She was safe up here, safe and, oh she forgot how relaxing the wind was against her fur, she felt her eyes growing heavy, she just needed to rest them for a moment that was all, rest and...

She felt something tug at her mane and winced.

“Will you stop that!” Luna barked, tried to at least, she got about halfway through her sentence and then realised something was blocking out the sun behind her.

She had just enough time to dodge as two giant claws grabbed at the air she had just been occupying. She turned towards it, horn raised, then she felt pain shooting from the tip into her spine.

She gasped, her wings stiffened and she began to plummet. The eagle, a two headed creature about the size of a wagon, gave a shrek and divided after her.

“Chip?” The cub whimpered, head pressed against Luna mane. Luna groaned, eyes blinking the world going from a kaleidoscopic view to a more reasonable double vision. She gasped, using all her back strength and flung out her wings again. Had she really relied on her magic that much?

Luna let out a long low growl of pain as the wind bent her powerful wings almost backwards but she recovered just in time to collide with a branch. She landed hard, chest first, gasping as the Cub slipped from her back. Luna gasping, scrambling to get ahold of the Cub as she flew forwards.

Luna watched in those three seconds to her horror as a coiling plant turned, its circular face crowned with thorns like a bear trap turned and lunged towards the airborne cub. It’s pettiness, razor sharp and ready to snap her up in mid air.

Was everything in this forest a death trap?

Luna gasped hooves just barely grasping the very tip of the paintbrush tail of the little lioness and pulled back right as the flower snapped shut with a deathly crack. The cub snapped backwards like a rubber band and knocked into Luna flinging the two of them backwards from the branch and towards the forest floor.

The upside was that just as before something broke Lunas fell. The downside was that there were about sixteen branches.

Still clutching the cub to her wing she collided with the final one and then like a rock being thrown into a puddle she landed face first into a puddle of mud with an almost anticlimactic splat. Stars danced across her head as she felt the cub scramble onto her back.

“Well… at least tis all over.” She groaned weakly, before collapsing face first back into the mud.

Else are in the cosmos.

“Well…at least tis all over.”

“Oh yeah, just you wait I-“

“Karma!” A voice across the heavenly clouds rang out, “what are you doing, are you messing with those pony things again?!”

Karma flinched, nearly flinging his headset off into the effervescent nothingness of the celestial heavens. “No, Darma, I’m just, you know, checking that the omnipresent orb is working.” It said, clunking the great orb for effect.

“Do I have to get Nirvana on the phone? There are six trillion other planes of existence that you’re ignoring right now and you're behind on your quota, the boss wants them on his desk by Monday Karma, Monday!”

Karma messaged a hundred of its eyes groaning while it did so. “Okay, fine whatever, easy for you.” It muttered.

“What was that!”

“Nothing nothing.” Karma quickly answered, quickly putting the headset back on.

Sulkily Karma stared into the inter dimensional vortex right as the dark blue pony lifted her head back up long enough to groan out, “at least, it cannot get any worse.” Before once again collapsing back into the mud.

Karmas felt one of its many eyes twitching as a clandestine tendril moved slowly towards the orb.

“Don't even think about it!” Darmas' voice echoed through the ethereal plains as Karmas flung his arms away from the orb.

Karma folded its many arms and sighed, “I hate this place.”

Elsewhere a alicorn of the night lay face first in a puddle of mud. The only indication that it was even still conscious was the bubbles of water emanating from around its muzzle which let out pockets of a deep and tired groan. “Ohh we art getting too old for this, oxen manure.” She muttered lifting her head up and wiping caking mud from her eyes.

She turned over onto her back. Unable to move or even think, her forelegs fell to her sides as she allowed herself to simply lay there on the mud. Numb, cold and very very soon when her body caught up to her in a lot of pain.

Had she really been such a helpless creature without her magic. That would have to change. She would have to go back to her martial training, eating raw eggs, building death trap obstacle courses and of course legalising great melee tournaments again.

“Bah, forget it, try and convince sister to make room for the death trap obstacles, she would cry about the moral conundrums again, oh what if someone hurts themselves. That’s the bloody point...literally!”

The hatchling crawled onto her chest looking down at her, then a noise came out from its beak “Hu, zaah.” she said with a giggle.

“Bless you.” Luna said offhandedly, still staring up at the sky, “probably can’t even get a real death trap specialist these days anyway, modern pony’s probably don’t even know what a good spike pit even is, waste of time.”

“Huz.” The cub said again and then giggled.

“Do you have indigestion or something?” She asked, staring up at the cub.

The cub looked at her with a glare that made Luna think she was actually thinking hard. Despite herself Luna waited, breathlessly for a moment, then the cub sneezed on to Luna's chest, wiping her beak on her fur, giggled and began to softly purr.

“Yes I thought as much.” Luna said, too tired to even bring up the normal level of disgust she was sure she should be feeling at this moment.

“Laying around in the mud, youth of today aye?” A voice above her said. Luna paled, jackknifing upwards hoof raised to strike.

The figure was gone. She blinked thinking it was her imagination when she heard it again.

“Over here lady.”

Slowly she turned behind her and lowered her forelegs as she spotted a pony standing just behind her. An old wizened stallion, somewhere between seventy or seven thousand given the amount of wrinkles, liferspots and general disdain and distrust of anything younger than than sixty five in his eyes.

His mane outstretched like lightning had struck it and his wiry bread looked so thick enough to lose a hoof in, but what caught Luna's gaze was the mismatched eyes, mismatched, discoloured and burning with a youthful energy that his body belied.

“What, never seen a pony with heterochromia before?” The old pony said, pointing to his green and the blue eye “Rude to stare, lady.”

Luna lifted a brow, “We did not ask about your sexuality.”

The old stallion gave a throaty laugh, “Haha good one.”

“Good what?” Luna asked but no answer was forthcoming. “Who are thou, what are you doing here?”

“Could ask you the same question?”

“We asked firs-“ Before she could finish she heard a little cry of excitement and saw the cub running towards the old stallion. Luna caught her by the scruff of the neck before she could go shooting off again and lifted up to eye level. “Hasn’t thou caused enough trouble today by lunging at things?” She said to the dangling griffon who was still making lunging motions towards the old pony.

“That looked like a mighty bad crash lady, didn’t think any pony would be stupid enough to fly in this forest, but I guess I was mistaken.” He said, rubbing his head and pulling his tangled hoof away with some difficulty. “You get lost on the way to the kiddy park, miss?”

Luna lifted herself to her hooves, anger forming at the mockery of this stallion towards her royal person. “We did not choose to come here, knave.”

“Names Bucky actually,” he said indifferently.

Luna rolled her tired bloodshot eyes, “Well Bucky, you are in luck, for you gaze upon the princess of the night and are thus charged to escort our royal person from this accursed land and back to our place in Canterlot.”

“Never heard of it.” He said, “Sounds made up, what kind of name is Canterlot anyway?”

Luna gasped indignantly. “How have you not heard of it? The seat of ponykind, the epicentre of Eques, jewel of the modern world, also perchance sometimes blows up every few months through the fault of some recurring villains.” She added the last part in a mutter. After all, it was only fair to be honest about one's home.

The old stallion shrugged, “nope don’t ring a bell,”

“Well… surely you have heard of the great royal sisters. We art Luna, an alicorn, princess of the moon and stars, we raise the very Celestia bloodies in the heav-“

“-don't care much for celebrities or celestial bodies.” He finished with a dismissive wave, “don’t know no princess, don’t want one and as far as I’m concerned the moon's just a big night light made of cheese.”

Luna sucked in a shocked breath felt her right eye twitching, “How dare you insult my-“

The stallion turned, glanced up at the setting sun. “You gonna stand there all day yapping, I got things to do.” He said turning, “dangerous place to take your kid out for a walk, you never know what kind of weirdos are in these woods.”

Luna frowned, yes she was beginning to understand that part, “She is not my heir!”

He blinked then looked up at the cub who was peeking up from the top of Luna's mane. “Huzz!”

Bucky gave a chuckle it had the same sound as a coffin being cracked open and the same amount of dust, “You said it kid,” he turned on creaking joints, walked forwards then turned back as if wondering why they weren’t just blindly following, “come on, your kids hungry, there’s grub in the old shato de la grotte.”

“To insult us is one thing, but to insult my moon,” Luna said, still stuck a few sentences before, “to our face no less, I am heir apparent to the throne, come back here and apologise this instance.” Luna growled.

“Or what lady.”

“Or, we shall…” but he was already moving away, she stood there shaking from both exhaustion and rampant indignation then felt her horn sparkle and then fizzled out and grimaced. “know that your swift and painful retribution will come someday!” She yelled, then a long and low noise emanated from her stomach and she looked down, “after breaking fast perhaps.”

She slumped her shoulders defeated. Hearing the Forest come to life in eerie sounds as the sunlight drifted ever downwards. It was the choice of following a madman or endless danger. The only two choices there ever seemed to be for her.

Map making had never been a precise art in Equestria. Ponies tended to start off with good intentions, and then get so side-tracked with drawing all the sea monsters and hulking fish with terrifying faces that they forgot to put in the boring parts like mountains and rivers.

At least that was how it had been the last time Luna had looked at a map, which to be fair, had been about oh, one thousand years ago give or take?

It had not helped that borders had changed like two ponies playing a tug of war with land masses. So much had changed that despite her Sisters insistence Luna still refused to acknowledge that there was now a “New Mexicolt.”

But this was not a setback as it might have been for others. After all she had learned from the master of navigations himself, her grandfather who only ever had to go one place once to know how to get back there.

He had told her of his genius skill and how to harness it. He would simply go to a place once and then when he needed to go back again he would simply command his staff to take him back there.

He had gotten so good at it he was often baffled at why ponies needed maps at all. Which now that Luna thought about it, might have explained why the maps in her time were so bad.

But all this to say that despite her grandfather's skill, she had absolutely, positively no idea where she was or where she was going. She had been everywhere and yet it was as though her mind had drawn a blank on this place. Like it had been trying to keep her from remembering. The base of her horn throbbed, not from the lack of magic, but something like a migraine.

“Hey, youngin, you gonna hang around moping all day?” Bucky called back from a few yards away, “these kids today are so lazy.”

“We art more than two millennia older than you are!” She yelled catching back up with the strangely nimble ancient stallion.

“Huh.. oh yeah then I’m a monkey's uncle.” He said slowly turning to the cub on Luna’s back and mimed a circle motion around his head.

“That would explain thy smell.” Luna shot back, but Bucky only laughed and continued on.

They continued moving through the undergrowth seemingly at random. The stallion would stop for a moment, turn a leaf over or sniff at the mud, then continue on without comment.

Finally after a moment of watching Bucky stare at a rock for five minutes straight Luna asked. “How much further to thy abode?”

“Who’s-a-what-now?” The stallion said half listening. Luna watched as he knocked against the rock.

“Where is your home?” She said slowly, “I see no structures around us, just trees and rocks.”

“Ohhh why didn’t you say so, you young people and your damn lingo, let me just check.” He leaned down to a rock and much to Luna's consternation, began to pick the moss on top of it.

“What are you doing?” She asked not for the first time.

“Ain’t it obvious?” he said, swishing his mouth as though the moss was a fine wine. “Yep, I knew it, we’re here.”

Luna looked around. Again seeing nothing but giant tree trunks and rock faces. This time making sure none of them had teeth attached to them. Bucky walked forwards towards what looked like sheer rocks, then she spotted a tiny sliver of a crack about as wide as a plank of wood and the horrible realisation dawned on her.

“You call a cave your home?” She said almost jokingly, praying that he was just playing ‘the prank.’ On her as sister would do.

“Mine? Nah!” He said as Luna let out a sigh of relief, it was quickly squashed when he added, “I don’t own the cave, I’m just renting it, you think I can afford a cave of my own in this economy?”

“Who in Tatarus do you rent a cave from?” Luna asked, unable to help herself.

“Oh Mrs Sternpaw, don’t let the name fool you as landlords go, she's pretty sweet, she even lets me use it when she’s hibernating.”

“Hibernating…Wait, your renting it from a bea-“

“-Come on, no time to dally, got things to do. Sky don’t revolve around you, lady.” He said moving into the slither of rock.

Luna glanced around the edges of the cave, from one rock mouth to another she thought bitterly, “Fields above protect me.” She said, then moved into it. Luna just barely squeezed into the gap, her wings pressed tightly to her sides as the gap seemed to envelop her like a hungry mouth. She felt the cub's claws tighten on her mane and for once felt a pang of empathy for it. Neither of them seemed to like where this was going.

“Hello, where art thou?” Luna asked, she could not see Bucky anymore, only the oppressive darkness in the cave. The stallion had gone sauntering inside and she could hear nothing save the dripping of the water from stalactites and the soft clipping of her hooves.

“Hail Bucky,” she said, “where art thou. We swear if thou doth not answer then we shall-.”

There was a moment of utter silence as Luna seriously considered turning back when finally she heard a voice echoing off the walls.

“The light.”

“W-What?” She said voices all around her,

“The light, find the light.”

Luna tried to back away but felt her flank pressing against only rocks. “What light, what light!”

“The light, the light, the light.”

Luna back hit the wall she grabbed at the cub pulling her towards her chest and stared at the utter darkness until finally another voice sounded almost next to her ear.

“You deaf I said the light!”

Luna didn’t scream, she was not a screamer and of course she never would be. But she supposed that if anyone were to hear her at that moment at that exact time, what they would have heard coming from her mouth could, possibly given a thousand monkeys and a thousand typewriters and if the stars themselves aligned could have been interpreted as something close to a girlish wail.

But obviously she would deny that until her dying breath.

“Geez,” Bucky grimaced hoof to his ears. “You make it a habit of yelling every time you get lured into a cave by a total stranger.” Luna, who was catching her breath (for no reason in particular) rounded on the old stallion, but he was already back into the darkness, his voice echoing off the cave walls, “just hit the light will you.”

“You want us to hit… light?” Clearly the stallion was more insane than she had thought.

“Just put your hoof on the left wall, No not there, to your left, stage left, starboard. No my left, a little, no down.”

“We have hit all of the wall, what do you want-“ Her hoof clicked against some piece of stone, she gasped as fire exploded into life across the stones, lighting the cave.

Dozens of braziers roared into life, engulfing the cave in a sea of warm orange lighting. Luna gasped as she realised she had stepped into an enormous honeycomb cavin, going up and curving into little alcoves, giving the cave an almost chiselled dome effect. It was huge, perhaps even bigger than her throne room. What was more amazing though was that it had all the furnishings of a home.

Luna spotted a kitchen, bedrooms, balconies, there was even a slide going around the dome ending right by her hooves.

“What is this place?” She said, staring in wonder at it all.

“My cave, duh.” He said dismissively. “Now, were you raised in a barn? You had better have wiped your hooves before you came in, lady.” Bucky trotted towards what looked like a table made from stone that could have fit at least twenty ponies. On it sat a candelabra, table cloth and cutlery and dishes all also made from stone.

Luna strode forwards mouth open as she surveyed a room that despite being made entirely of stone wouldn’t have looked out of place in the palace. “Did you make all this?”

“You see anyone else?” He said, then looked around the hall, “seriously, I can’t find him, Socks old buddy, you here?”

Luna blinked then also began looking around. She hadn’t detected anyone else since she had stepped into the cavern. She needed no magic for that, detecting enemies in the darkened corner of a room was a royal sixth sense; those it hadn’t passed down to usually didn’t last too long. She took a step back towards the entrance just in case, horn aimed like a spear.

“Thou do not live in this cave alone?” She said with suspicion.

“What, no of course not, I’d go mad,” he said with a grin no sane pony could produce. “Just me and Seriously Socks.”

Luna stopped backing away just long enough to go, “thou shelters with some pony called Seriously Socks?”

“What, no. His name is Cotton Socks. But every time I say his name for some reason everypony says, Seriously soc-“

“-So thou has been trying to ambush me all along then” she yelled looking around the cavern, “Cometh then Socks show thine self, we shall have no clandestine spies around our person.” Luna felt something knock against her back hoof. She spun round and spotted what looked like a coconut with a potted plant sticking out from it. It rolled over revealing a crudely painted smiling face on one side

“Ahh, Socks, there you are, stop being rude.” The stallion said, scooping the coconut up. “Sorry lady, he's shy like that. Hard to trust, bad break up you see.” He whispered away from the coconut.

Luna rubbed her tired bloodshot eyes, really she should have seen something like this coming. This stallion was truly mad. “Well, this has been most fascinating and all, but now we really must be going.” She said, quickly realising that the horrors of the forest were nothing compared to the strangeness before her.

“What, at night in your condition. You’ll be minced meat.” He bulked.

“We shall be fine,” Luna scoffed, she turned “our hooves are far stronger than gah.” Luna felt something tap her leg and she buckled under, nearly going head first into the floor. She turned teeth bared and saw Bucky holding a cane where her front hooves had been. “You were saying?”

“How dare you assult our royal person, we shall.”

“Can it lady!” Bucky said his cane an inch from Luna's nose, “You can leave, but I can’t be letting little cubs out in the woods at night with crazy young single mothers. I’d never hear the end of it from Socks.” He said, indicating to the coconut which slouched disapprovingly. “Now hurry up food’s getting cold.”

“We are not a single mother!” Luna protested, “we are just playing the part of a legal guardian, too keep up with my sister and her PR hair brained facade. Was that not obvious?”

“What’s a P.R?” Bucky said.

Luna paused hoof half up then lowered it, “Ehh, P-poison… Tester obviously.”

“Isn’t that P.T?”

“Of course you would think that.” Luna said, pointing her nose to the air. Hoping against hope he didn’t elaborate further.

They walked towards the table. Luna watched wearily as Bucky opened up an ice box, carved out of stone no less and leant in almost bodily.

“Now let’s see, something edible something edible…hmm, mouldy banana, no, huh when did I get milk? Ahh, no, no, ohh so that’s where my horseshoe went!”

Luna grimaced at the sight of ‘breakfast’ and drew the cub down from her back, “if we are slain by poison or toxins, I reluctantly bestow upon you legal citizenship to Equestria, as such tis your moral duty, under pain of death to seek swift revenge on our poisoner, doth thou understand?” She whispered to the cub.

“Hazz!” Luna watched as she giggled, pulled her tail between her legs and began chewing on the paintbrush fur on the end.

“…We shall take that as a solemn oath.” Luna said, placing her on the table and then laying her own heavy head on it. Her eyes sagging to half mast. She lazily glanced over at the cub who spat out her tail and was now playing with the stone spoons. Eyes filled with foal like curiosity. She had almost forgotten she was a griffon at points. They acted just like real foals. Playful and innocent.

It was rather… cute.

Luna rubbed her eyes, and slapped her cheeks for good measure. Fields above she was tired and that tiredness was making her think like a fool. Talking to a griffon, thinking it was the same as a pony!

She knew better than that, grandfather had taught her better, the battle at the Hightop mountains had taught her better than that. They were not cute, they were savages. Ungovernable, selfish barbarians. They could no more change their ways than a leopard could change its spots, or the day could be night.

Or a nightmare could be without her beloved Luna?

Luna opened her eyes and sat bolt upright. The room had gone dark again, no… this wasn’t like before. This wasn’t natural darkness. This was the darkness of a dream, the absence of nothingness. This was the empty space the dreaming mind didn’t fill with memories. This is the empty space where nightmares crept in.

“I knew thou were behind this, it reeks of thine theatrics, has thou run out of tainted memories to inflict on us. What doth thou want now, slave to darkness.” Luna growled at the cold void. Wondering how and when she had fallen asleep.

“Slave? Oh Luna, my beloved, you were always so dramatic, really I wasn’t born from anything except from you my dear. I am as much a part of you as a child is to their mother. As a daughter to her grandfather. I am all you needed me to be, after all the apple does not fall far from the tree.

Luna's head snapped upwards at the sound of the voice and spotted Nightmare sitting in a throne over her, suspended in the air.

“My point stands, shadow, what doth thou want?”

I am only a shadow of you, my Luna.

Luna blinked and the figure was gone. She spun round behind her and spotted the reptilian eyes staring right at her not even an inch from her face.

She leaned back, as slowly as she could, careful not to show the fear creeping into her mind. Predators fed on that.

I really have missed you.

A dark tendril curled almost playfully around Luna's cheek, she batted it away.

Oh what’s wrong, has that neurotic, despicable, tyrant mare corrupted your mind again?

“Do not speak of Twilight that way!” Luna snapped.

Nightmares fog like figure stayed there with a deadpan expression.

I was talking about Celestia.

“Oh…right.” Luna said, flushing slightly. “Get her from thine mouth as well.”

Nightmare form morphed into shadows then reformed only a few inches from Luna's muzzle, a razor sharp row of teeth gleamed into a serpent smile too big for her muzzle.

I just came to check on you, I wanted to see if my other half was okay, without my guidance, I have watched you flounder in troubled waters, I can see now that you sorely need my help.

“We need nothing nor do we want anything from you, save for you to leave our presence and ner return.” She said turning away. She gasped as a tendril wrapped around her muzzle and brought her once more face to face with Nightmare.

You don’t mean that.

The voice came out in a purr but the tone was as sharp as a razor against her ear. Nightmare slid around Luna like a snake coiling around a mouse.

Look at you. she said dismissively, flicking a lock of white mane of hair. No magic, banished from Canterlot and stuck with a little rat catcher as a daughter no less.” She shook her head, “I knew the sun wench was vindictive, but it seems there is no end to her hatred of you, to humiliate us like this.”

“There is no us!” Luna growled through clenched teeth, “She has not, she, ahh, this has nothing to do with her!” Luna snapped, but there was not the same conviction she had wanted because, well in many ways this was what her sister had done to her and she hated that Nightmare could see that.

Nightmare frowned and for a moment it looked to Luna's eyes almost genuine, I’m so sorry I’ve not been there for you. But we’re back now, and read our lips Luna, right now has never been a better chance to get our revenge, we’re sitting on a golden opportunity we’ve been waiting for.

Luna opened her eyes to deny her, but the tendrils of darkness wrapped more firmly around her muzzle, Luna, my dear sweet Luna, listen to me, we have only you in our thoughts.

“Lies,” Luna tried to mutter, she had never thought about her, she couldn’t love, she had not been made to do that. She had been made with self pity and obsession and delusion and most of a hatred. Such sickening and intoxicating hatred that it made Luna nauseous and lightheaded just to be around again.

You will listen to us, because we are doing this for you. Nightmare said, stroking her cheek, We promise to get you everything you wanted, because we want to see you happy.

Luna tried to struggle free but without her magic she was no more than a pawn in her shadows hooves. You're going to make me angry Luna. She warned, I'm doing this for you and you're being UNGRATEFUL.

Luna flinched, that voice, that voice in her mind again, so like her grandfather in its own way, it was almost identical, “You’re going to be a good mare, a dutiful mare and listen to-“

She paused as a blob of something hit Nightmare's nose, Nightmare looked up, they both did. She took the droplet and sniffed, What is… is that…foal food?

Another droplet hit the ground then again until it was almost raining the sticky brown goo. What is going on, the fool is doing this again, isn’t it?

Luna watched the sky, the darkness parting slightly. She didn’t know what this fool was, but something about it told her this wasn’t it’s doing. But something far more familiar, before she could guess exactly what or who was doing it. The answer hit her directly in the face.

Literally.

Luna blinked, looking up from the floor, she grimaced clutching the back of her head. A sticky sensation dropped down her muzzle she put her hoof to it and brown fruity smelling slime.

“You ain’t dead is ya?” A voice above her called.

She lifted herself up off the floor, just in time to duck as another ball of brown slime flew across the table, missing her white mane by centimetres.

She turned from the stain and back to the offender. The cub was sitting in a high chair made out of stone. Surrounded and covered almost head to tail in the same brown substance.

“Okay” Bucky said, turning back towards the cub. “One more time now, here comes the amusing metal aerodynamic winged bird, come to dock in the little beaky.” He said, making a sound like the buzzing of a rather angry hive as he moved the spoon down to the cub's beak.

“Huzz!” The cub said looking at Luna just as Bucky got the spoon into her mouth. “Ahh, yes, one to me, one thousand to you, eat that.” He said with a cheer as the cub swallowed and clapped her claws together happily.

“What is going on?” Luna groaned.

“Huh?” Bucky said, barely glancing up as he got another spoonful of the slime from the tiny jar. “Oh good, Thought you were dead, you fell asleep right on the table, then you fell over, thought I was going to perform CPR again.”

“Again,” Luna said, palling as she brought a hoof to her mouth. “You didn’t…”

“Me, no I’m not the one with a first aid licence. That’s Sock's job.” He said, flicking a goopy spoon in the direction of the coconut that slumped sideways suggestively.

“What is this substance?” Luna said, only just noticing the goo splattered across her muzzle.

“Don’t know,” he said reading the jar, “My Little Hatchlings first feed,” he narrowed his eyes, “contains all the perfect vitamins, minerals and cricket legs for a growing young hatchling.”

Luna's eyes widened as she glanced at the goo and deleted the last few words from her mind for the sake of her sanity.

Bucky grinned at Luna's expression, “it’s not so bad…is it?” he said as he gingerly licked the spoon, “see it’s, oh the after taste isn’t… wow that really…” His eyes began to water as he gagged, “oh my days, it’s poison!” He gave a dry heave and began to scrape his tongue. “Oh hell, that was, never again, I can’t… actually.”
He glanced sideways at the spoon and gingerly licked it again, “…actually if you get past the awful taste, it’s kind of moorish.”

Luna ignored the grisly spectacle in front of her and instead turned to the giggling cub who was now more goo than feathers. “And what happened to her?” Luna asked.

“Huzz,” the ball of goo giggled.

“I was feeding her, obviously.” Bucky said credulous, “you can thank me anytime now, I take a single deadbeat mother into my cave and feed her cub and this is the thanks I get.”

“We are not her mother, and will thou stop going on about us being without a mate we have plenty of potential suitors, too many to pick from” She lied.

“Please, yeah right, you give off too much single mother energy, you practically scream I don’t need no partner, I’m a strong independent mare.” Bucky said with a sagely nod, “isn’t that right?” He said, turning to the goo in the high chair.

“Chirp.” The little hatchling said, sucking on the baby food around her paint tip tail.

“Ha, I couldn't have put it better myself.” Bucky chucked.

“For the final time, We are not her mother!”

“Father then, look I don’t judge these days.” He said dismissively.

“Oh forget thee.” Luna spat, too tired to argue. “Where did you even get this food from?”

“Where do you think, From the river of course, washes up all sorts of things, food, sticks with points on the ends, armour and swords.”

“Armour and what?” Luna said, sitting up, “from where?”

“Don’t know, didn’t ask.” He said with all seriousness, “Buut if you are asking me, I’d say the river comes from the mountains.”

“There’s a village up in the mountains?” Luna asked.

“Someone’s up there, whole lot of someone’s.”

“And you never went to look?”

“Why,” Bucky laughed, “I’m living the bachelor's dream, don’t need someone cramping my style ain’t that right Socks?”

Luna's eyes flickered in thought. If that was the case, if things came from upriver, then that meant civilization, that meant finding ponies and a way out of this stinking Tatarus infused jungle.

Luna grabbed onto Bucky's shoulders, snapping him from his talk with the coconut. “Take me there.” She demanded.

“Wow, are you crazy,” said the pony with the coconut companion, “you can’t go outside now, you’re covered in food and it’s dark, you wouldn’t last five minutes.”

“Nonsense.” Luna said, “I’m as fit as a fiddle.”

“You just passed out on my table.”

“We are royal, we pass out where we please, tis part of our charm.” She said dismissively, “Our uncle twice removed was famous for passing out in every tavern he ever visited.”

Bucky and Socks shared a look, “Well, you might be alright, but what about her?” He said looking at the cub who was falling asleep, tail still in her beak. “She could do with a bath at least.”

“We have no time, we must make contact and look for our companions. We cannot wait around and… wait did you say bath, you have a bath?”

“Course I do, how do you think I maintain this careful level of grooming?” Luna glanced at the encrusted dirt around his hooves and flank and then at the spider that scurried back up into his beard.

“One can only wonder…”

“Come on, you ain’t doing no one any harm, little one needs a good night's sleep.”

Luna pursed her lips, it was true she was practically blind in the dark without her powers and she really did not want to carry a cricket covered cub all the way up a mountain. Her pride could only take so much.

She also couldn’t risk blacking out again, not in the forest, and also she was beginning to suspect that that woeful smell assaulting her nostrils was coming from somewhere on her own person.

She pursed her lips as she saw the little chick slumping over on her side, eyes half shut. “Fine, we suppose she is only little, lead the way.”

Luna followed the stallion towards the back of the cave, holding the cub at arms length as bits of baby food dripped from every part of the cub onto the floor. She looked back at the old madman hoping for a distraction from the sensation of cricket that was seeping into her fur.

“So Mr Bucky, just how long have you lived alone in this-“

“I ain’t alone,” he said looking up at the coconut on his back.

“Oh of course…how silly of us.” Luna said with an uneasy smile, “how long have you and ehh, Mr Socks been in this cave.”

This caused the old stallion some consternation. “Hmm let’s see now I had a Callander somewhere.” He looked over at a cave wall, there was a tally of scratches on it. Actually it was all scratches. Every single inch of the wall was covered in white lines to the point that it was almost impossible to see which part wasn’t white.

“Now we’re these marks for days or weeks?” He asked, rubbing his beard with a hoof.

“Chirp?”

“Ha, you're welcome to try little one.” He said back.

Luna flicked her gaze from the cub to the old stallion, “You understand her?” She asked incredulously.

“You don’t?” He said with equal surprise. “Infants are easy to understand, they don’t lie, they just tell it how it is.”

Luna doubted that logic was sound but still felt curious to ask, “So, what is she saying?”

“Well, right now, she’s happy,” he glanced at the cub and added, “but…”

“Oh…well good for her we suppose…what do you mean but?”

Bucky's beard formed a deep frown as he said, “Oh her stomach feels funny.”

Luna blinked, looking down at the cub in her hooves. A strange faint flutter of panic danced in her chest as she examined her, “What, did that awful food have-“

Before Luna could finish the little cub let out a burp that reverberated through the very halls, bouncing off the walls until it was almost an orchestra unto itself. It grew louder and louder until the sound flung out from the cave itself sending a flock of startled bats flapping into the night.

“Cheep.” The cub said a moment later after the noise finally died away. Tail swaying happily.

“And now she’s back to being just happy again.” Bucky said with a grin. “See, infants are simple.”

Luna sighed and continued on.

It didn’t take long for Luna's mind to ruminate onto other matters. She was still playing catch up with the information presented to her. Nightmare was free and she wanted something from her. Nothing strange in that department. But she said something about a golden opportunity. What had she meant by that, also how had she managed to stay free after she had been purged from her.

This was a dangerous situation, regardless of what she was planning, Luna wasn’t able to access the dreamscape which meant that Nightmare had control of it. Nothing good could come from such a spiteful malicious form having that much power.

Luna gasped as she bumped into the back of Bucky. Blinking, she stared puzzled at a set of rock carved doors. “Why have we stopped?” She asked then watched him open the doors to reveal one of the most beautiful moon pools she had ever seen in her life.

cracks of pale moon light danced naked across the ripping blue surface. Gentle wisps of smoke drew up hauntingly across the room promising heat and comfort with their beckoning spectral strands.

Luna's gaze drew from the mosaic floor to the gentle waterfall flowing in the corner all the while she tried and failed to collect her jaw off of the floor.

“Well,” Bucky said, “ain’t much I know, but anyway, hot taps on the left, cold taps on the right, don’t touch the three seashells, no idea what they do and I don’t plan on finding out.”

“Hang on a moment, where did you, how did you, how is there a heated pool here?”

“What, you think? Just because I live in a cave in the middle of a death forest, I can’t have a heated pool, with bubbles and soap.”

Luna gave him a deadpan glare. “Well… yes?”

“Oh right because you're saying I can’t afford it, caveism at its finest ladies and gentleman, can you believe this, Serious Socks?” The coconut on his back slumped disapprovingly.

“Nevermind.” She sighed.

“Big government bourgeoisie noble lady come to bully the little people. Next you're going to tell me I can’t have massage chairs, loot things from other ponies or I need planning permission to build my summer cave.”

Luna watched the muttering stallion as he left, glad to see him go. Finally she was alone, alone with her thoughts and free to relax. Then she felt something climb off her back and brush her back hoof. She glanced down to see the cub clutching her leg and waving at the stallion.

Oh right, of course she wasn’t alone. Also when had she learned to wave? Well, it was a foal, in a way, she supposed even they had to learn.

Still it would be much easier now, wash off this stink from both of them and then have a nice long relaxing bath.

Twenty minutes later

“Come on, you little pheasant, I thought you birds loved baths.” She said as she tried to once again lower the cub into the water. The cub gave a squawking protest and scurried up Lunas neck, quivering as she hissed at the water.

It was no use, it was like trying to wrestle a snake, one moment she was solid then when Luna tried to put her near the water she would become almost jelly in her hooves. She really was a cat.

“Do not be silly.” Luna grunted as she tried to fish the shaking cub off her head. “You are getting in the bath, I will not travel with a mangy beast covered in foal mush, now get in!” She snapped, grabbing behind her for the little griffon.

She made one final grab for the cub but was too slow, the hatchling launched herself off, flapping her tiny wings as she landed in a run and dived underneath a rock carved table.

“Fine, stay under there, see if we care!” She yelled,
Turning her nose up at the whole situation, “should have known, your kind would not actually care for baths, no wonder you all have that beastial smell about you.”

She turned back towards the gently rippling water, ridding the cub from her mind. She forced a smile onto her face which became quickly genuine as the warm lapping water tickled her fur. A comforting sense of normality flooded her mind as she let out an audible sigh.

She strode in almost at a march, relishing the heat undoing all the ache, pains and grime as they slipped away from her mind and body, literally in some cases.

“Oh tis just what we needed.” She moaned. She let herself float in the pool, forelegs extended in a starfish like shape.

She let minutes go by as she let the water soak into her tired bones then glanced back at the table. She could see the amber eyes of the cub looking at her curiously, head half cocked.

Luna looked back up at the ceiling. It didn’t matter to her, let her lick herself clean for all she cared. But then again, was she not only an infant, she wondered if she might get sick. It would not do to have to care for the creature whilst she was perhaps the only one with it.

She had been helpful, without her magic, she had been unable to detect the creatures. But the cub had seen all of them. She had heard that the eyes of the griffons were amazing things, all animals had their skills, from whales to beatles, even bar musicians, though nobody could quite work out what it was. Certainly not music, even alcohol could not make that listenable.

She would give it another few minutes, just another couple and then she would try again, just… a… few

Finally it’s rude to keep us waiting you know!

Luna opened her eyes, she was in the pool. But now she was floating on top of it. She glanced down at her reflection she saw herself, but instead with the razor sharp teeth beaming back at her in a crocodile grin. If nightmare was looking for a reaction. This time Luna was not about to give her one. “Thou must be proud of thyself for that lazy metaphor.”

We work with the tools we have.

The reflection of Nightmare shrugged and the water morphed itself upwards and into the shape of her. Luna watched with barely veiled contempt. “We grow tired of this charade Nightmare.”

Oh Luna, you used to love our inventiveness.

“Vindictiveness thou mean?”

Tomato, tomato. But we also appreciate that you have never been one to wait. Your impatience was what got you into a lot of trouble the last time Lulu

“Do not call us that!” Luna snapped, feeling sickened by the creature's use of the intimate nickname her sister had given her. She regretted showing the emotion almost instantly as she watched the creature's smile grew more smug. Nightmare bowed mockingly.

We shall be frank then, have you considered our offer?

“What offer, like always you promised us everything as you often do, lying about victories that you cannot achieve. You are a busted flush, a braggart.”

Do not forget who made you!

Luna smirked as Nightmare drew back her jagged snarl forcing itself into an almost painful looking smirk.

Listen…my Luna, I know we have had our hardships, but let us not let hot tempers stifle what we want now, let us not forget the pain of what we lost.

Luna folded her forelegs against her chest. “Perhaps there was a time when I felt sorrow for having wasted all that energy on nothing more than petty vanity. But unlike you I learned tis pointless to lament what one should have done, tis like waiting for presents one did not receive last heartwarming, tis what one does in the present that matters.”

Very well then, if for now you won’t listen to what I can offer. Perhaps let us run down your present predicament, shall we?

“We would rather you didn’t, but you’re going to anyway aren-“

-You’re alone, you're without your power, you're stuck in a foreign land where everything including the plants are trying to kill you.”

Luna wanted to argue, but then she remembered that venus flytrap that took the tip of her tail off just a few nights ago and decided to keep her muzzle shut.

Your companions are nowhere to be found, and we both know the hour glass on their lives runs thin. None of them could survive even a fifth of what you’ve been through.

Again Luna was silent. She agreed with Nightmare but it never paid to let one's enemies know that.

But worst of all, you're stuck with a burden you can’t get rid of can you?

“We govern an entire country-“

-Your sister does.

“We govern an entire country, what makes you think babysitting some overgrown little hen for a few days is something I would consider even the slightest of burdens.”

Because, you're not governing her for a few days. You're going to shoulder her burden for the rest of your life.

Luna scoffed, but the words where hard to shake
off. Deep down she knew what Nightmare was talking about. That creature was her daughter by law. That ment that her children and her children’s children would be her own princes and princesses of Equestria. Even if the line ended there would be a branch connecting Luna to those creatures for all time.

Her name was already in the mud, could she really take anymore of this? Could she really be a hypocrite? What would her grandfather think of her when she finally went to the Great Plains above?

I see you have already considered it yourself.

“What of it,” Luna snapped, “we have weathered worse, if we could weather what you have done to us, we shall weather this as well.”

What we did, are you saying you had no part in our grand plan?

Luna bared her teeth, but hesitated, sickened by it that she was, again Nightmare was right, she had fostered that hate. She was every bit as guilty. Nightmare slithered forwards her hoof grazing Luna's cheek.

Don’t fret, child, my little Luna. Why must you always have to suffer for others, under your grandfather's shadow and your sister's stifling ambition. You created us in your time of need. Your desperation, your longing.

Her hatred, her vanity, her self obsession. Luna added mentally. Moving her face away from the hoof.

We have an idea, something that will get you out of this mess, we know a way home but better than that. We know a way to get this creature gone for good.

This time Luna stepped forward, a snarl of her own, “Do not take my dislike of them as something vile. If you think we would do harm to an infant, just because they are a griffon then-“

As always you think too small, of course we wouldn’t do harm to a child, we LOVE Children.

Luna's skin crawled at the words, Nightmare loved nobody but herself.

Besides it wouldn’t work, if the child went missing, that would just look, well… bad. But if the child came home with you, maybe in a few years when the cub grew into a lioness and perhaps caused a scandal too ugly to be ignored and had to be cut from your lineage. Then you wouldn’t be at fault would you, if anything you would be vindicated in our belief that they were mindless savages?

Again another shiver went down Luna's spine. “What are you saying?”

Simple, let me mentor her as I did you, let me mould her, guide her. Let me do for her what I did for you so many years ago and as a reward, I will ensure that you will not be burdened with her forever. You will be free.

Luna's eyes widened, the idea of the hate and aching loneliness she had felt on her moon given freely to another creature, griffon or not made her sick. “thou art insane.”

We art practical, we art realistic. Would you like to live forever with this shame hanging over our household, letting you sister trample over the last vestiges of your good name you have left? Have you lost what is left of your pride by all the green in the field's! Think clearly Luna, stand up for yourself for Tatrus’s sake!

Luna felt the words like a shot. Her brow furrowed in deep concentration. It sounded almost like her grandfather at the end there. “And what will you do with this freedom?” The smile that answered was almost wider than her face.

Isn’t it obvious…nothing. We will go on our way, we will guide this cub, teach her, we are a helpful sort like that. Perhaps we will carve a little kingdom of our own in the griffon empire, who knows? After all, there are many ways to achieve the victory we want. But if you say yes, then we won’t have to be so creative. We can win the war you wanted all those years ago, right now.

Luna's eyes widened, “What do you mean win the war?”

We shall let you figure it out, when you do, we will be there to guide you as we always have, think carefully about our deal. But not too long, we won’t ask so kindly again after this.

Nightmare looked up over Luna's shoulder and then down at Luna and frowned.

Ahh, again? It seems someone wishes to butt into our little heart to heart. Well, we have said all you will willingly hear so we shall see you very soon my little Luna.

Luna blinked, then turned to where Nightmare was staring. Luna turned back just in time to hear the wicked cackling of Nightmare then a shadow passed over her and a giant wave came crashing down towards her and engulfed her entirely.

Luna coughed as water splashed across her face. She flailed until she was standing upright, peeling her soaking wet Snow White mane draped across her face as she lifted herself upright and glared around the pool.

“*cough* -what, who dares- *cough*?”

She glanced around and spotted nothing. No one was in the room but her. The cub was gone, she wasn’t behind the bench and she wasn’t by the water. She glanced around then saw a little claw sink below the water.

“Oh by the fields!” Luna yelled, without even thinking she dived into the water, a moment later she resurfaced, cub clutched to her chest as she swam to shallow water. Instinctively she began patting the cubs back until she heard coaching against her ear.

“What in Tartarus is wrong with you, do you know how dangerous that was!” She yelled, panic taking over any anger she felt. “Are thou a fool!”

The cub looked at her eyes wide, matted with water, tail curled between her legs and began to whimper, then began to cry. Lina watched the shivering cub in her hooves, her heart beating in her eardrums. Anger melted into Guilt at the sight of the infant in her hooves who was clearly just scared.

A flash of something flickered in her mind. A memory almost two thousand five hundred years old of herself crying, merely an infant, and a figure smelling of a cold winter night picking her up and holding her against his chest. Her father, night black fur and soft golden eyes.

The memory made her swallow hard and again almost without thought as she had done for days now. She held the cub close to her chest like he had done. This time her patting was replaced with a soft cooing.

“We are sorry, that was…that was wrong of us to yell.” She said as the crying cub slowly began to sniffle out. Luna felt the cub clutching onto her fur and despite the claws and the snot, which she chose to ignore she felt relieved more than anything.

She pulled her away from her inspecting her little shaking body and in a softer chiding voice she said. “We cannot leave thee be for nay, five minutes without mortal peril it seems, what is it they say about curiosity and cats?” She manoeuvred a fallen feather from the cub's eyes and frowned.

“Cheep.” The cub said, clutching onto one of her white locks.

“Yes, we have heard that one before.” Luna said sardonically. Unlike Bucky, she could not understand the cub. But based on the water marks at the side of the pool edge which had otherwise been dry before she had fallen asleep, she could deduce what had happened.

Why that cub was so obsessed with her or her mane was anyone’s guess. No she knew the answer she had seen in her dreams had she not. A spinning mobile of stars.

They were perhaps more similar than she had thought, both it seemed had only a hoof full of memory of their patients and neither of them were particularly fond memories.

She glanced down at the cub in her hooves. What had they said, only a year old? Without a home or a family. So young, too young. What had taken her parents so viciously. To attack a village like that. That would have been tantamount to a war crime even back in her time.

To do something now, well it took a level of hatred that Luna was sadly familiar with.

Luna sighed, watching as the cub made a mewing grabbing motion, Luna rolled her eyes and brought the cub back towards her chest. She might not have liked griffons at all. But she wasn’t cruel enough to let some little child go without comfort after something so traumatising.

Not when she knew what that had felt like.

She leaned back against the pool edge as her own heart rate slowed, she heard splashing noises and glanced down at the cub who was watching the water with a suspicious glare. Her little claw moved through the water before moving away.

“Doth thou fear the water?” She asked.

“Huzz.” The cub responded, holding onto her chest like a life raft. Luna winced at the feeling of the nails, her skin instinctively crawling at the touch. But she let herself calm down with a long slow breath. Another memory flashing to the forefront of her mind.

“Tis funny,” she said, glancing towards the rippling water, “we too had a similar fear when we were a foal.” She glanced down at the cub who was buried in her fur, “We had feared the lake by our castle, we heard stories from a noble stallions foal of a great kraken that made its dwelling at the bottom.” Which was true, his name was Jeffrey but that was a story for a different time.

“We would dare ourselves to move closer towards it, but we would never step into the water. It became a game to the foals and I. But unlike them, I began to truly fear, we knew of the boundless depth of the dreamscape even then and unused to our powers the water seemed like a living manifestation of it. A depth of monsters and the unknown right by our own hooves.” She held the dripping water in her hoof towards the cub who watched it with fearful childlike curiosity. “It came to a head one day when, in play one of the older foals pushed us into the water.” She said splashing the pool for effect.

The cub flinched but looked back instantly, eyes feverishly watching her. Which brought a more sincere smile to her lips. “T’would Have been a most uncomfortable experience in itself, if I could swim…I could not.”

She sighed, “twas grandfather and father that lifted me from the water. I began to weep and father brought me to his bosom, like you now.” She said, giving the cub a playful squeeze eliciting a startled giggle.

“My first memory of my grandfather was of that moment,” she said with a smile, “he had just come back from the war with the zebras and had witnessed my cowardice. I remember him taking us to the edge of the lake and do you know what he said, “no kin of mine shall live in fear, tis better face than to live with the fear of it.” She said in a voice aping her grandfather, “And then to the shock of all, Grandfather, still in his full regalia, he put me on his back and dived into the water with us.”

As she said this she slowly submerged herself into the water, with the cub still at her chest until both were at shoulder height, the cub began shaking and scurried towards her but Luna gently but firmly held her still. “Shh,” she said as placating As she could. “You are not in danger, tis all in your mind.” She said parroting what her grandfather had told her all those years ago.

She held the cub up in the water by her little stomach, instinctively the cub kicked and thrashed, but slowly, slowly her movements began to normalise, her thrashing turned to strokes in the water.

“There, you see, fear is only of the mind.” She said with a gentle laugh, “that is exactly what we did as well,” she smiled at the memory. Grandfather had been a lot less strict back when she was that small. Back when her father, his son had still been around.

Luna caught herself frowning trapped in her brooding thoughts. So much so she didn't even notice when her hoof felt suddenly lighter. She gasped looking down and saw that the cub was gone. She turned, heart in her throat she spun again at the sound of giggling and caught sight of the little hatchling doggy paddling around behind her.

“How did…” she said astonished, “thou art truly a fast learner.”

“Huzz.” She said swimming towards Luna who caught her in her hooves.

“Wait… are you trying to say Huzzah?”

“Huzz.”

Luna sputtered into a laugh, “not like that, one must say it with gusto. Like…Huzzah!”

“Huzz-ah.” The cub said slowly, her yellow eyes looking up at her.

“Yes, like that, but more feeling, like the feeling one gets when they charge into the front rank of an enemy or fools a rival into total submission. Like this, HUZZAH!” She shouted up at the rooftops.

“Huz- Huz-”

“Yes-yes.”

“Huzz-Huzzah!”

“Yes, again,”

“Huzzah.” The cub gave an infantile giggle, claws clapping.

“Good, good, that’s more like it, from the chest now.”

“Huzzah.” She said again, still giggling.

Luna lifted her up into the air, “yes, Huzzah indeed, thou has mastered it.” She laughed long and loudly, then as her eyes opened and she paused. Something in her peripherals made her stop, not a monster or a nightmare, but a reflection in the water, she caught herself in the water. The sight of it made her breath catch.

For a moment she saw her grandfather holding her in the air, smiling at her. Then she blinked and saw a night blue Alicorn holding a little griffon in the air, the same smile on her face as he had. A teacher and a pupil, a daughter and her guardian.

The sight of that reflection for that greatest of moments before the water rippled and the image was gone sent a wave of excitement and terror as she simply stood there in the cave submerged in a pool of lapping water.

She Did What?!

Celestia let out a content sigh as she levitated the final scroll to her right, signed, sealed, and ready for her proclamation. It landed like a planted flag on top of a mountain of other scrolls by her side, causing an ominous groan from the table under it despite its recently reinforced legs. She sighed, rubbing her well-used horn and slumped back into her chair, and stared out towards her sister's rising moon.

It had been a long and gruelling day. Tax reforms did not write themselves, despite what her sister kept insisting. They weren’t allowed to just shout out constitutional changes from their beds on a whim like grandfather had done, whenever he was too tired to walk down to the streets and shout them at terrified passers-by.

Times had changed and so too did government, if it was to stay relevant. She glanced with tired eyes back at the mountain of scrolls which seemed poised to bury her in an avalanche of modest spending cut proposals with the slightest movement.

But like gardening in the baking heat of the sun, it had been a hard day's work to be certain, but ultimately fulfilling. Not that she had ever actually done gardening, mostly because half the nobility would be in a frothing fit if she even touched a flower that wasn’t on a dinner plate and served with a confusing array of forks. But still, other than all those things it was like gardening… she imagined anyway.

She wore a proud smile as she finally allowed herself to switch off from work. She was now well and truly free for the weekend. Her work (and a lot of her sisters) was finished. She could do as she pleased, well, she was about as free as a co-Monarch of a disaster-prone country could ever consider themselves free. She might even be able to sleep with both eyes closed for once.

But that was not the real reason for her smile, no the real reason was that as of right now, she was alone. Her sister was away on a diplomatic tour, her niece was off in the Empire and her student was hopefully not awakening an ancient terror for at least the next seven hours.

That meant just one thing. Finally, she could indulge guilt-free in one of pony-kinds' second oldest traditions. Getting blackout drunk and there was no one to stop her!

Igniting her horn with magic, a flash of golden light lit one of the few inches of clear space on her table and brought with it a dusty, old wine bottle the colour of seaweed, a yellow label stained with time materialised onto the desk and next to that an empty modestly sized wine glass.

Celestia blinked, tilting her head in confusion then ignited her horn again, casting the same spell as before on the bottle, but it stayed exactly where it was, unmoving, unchanging.

It was only after the fifth attempt that she came to the shocking realisation. The bottle she had taken from her special collection according to the label was over fifteen years old.

But that could not possibly be right, she had remembered the day he had snuck down to the docks and secretly ordered it, she had remembered bartering with the shady smuggler for a hundred bottles, all for a peerage, (more fool him, he could have bartered for a princehood for that amount.)

The wine itself was black tar from Minatoria, each bottle contained one hundred and seventy percent volume of alcohol. It was so strong one sip took the drinker beyond drunkenness and somehow went through the back end of sobriety by the end of the bottle. One drop of it was enough to tranquilise a herd of elephants; it was banned in over seven countries, including her own.

But that had only been a few months ago, surely? She had remembered that she was going to break open her first bottle after she took that dragon egg to the school for gifted unico-

She blinked very slowly, then suppressed a shudder as a depressing realisation dawned on her. She had not enjoyed one of her precious few pastimes in over fifteen years! If that was truly the case then this simply would not do, not at all!

Another spell was cast, the wine glass vanished into everspace, the glass that replaced it did not ring as it hit the table but gave more of a dull thud, like an anvil falling from a second-story roof. The thing was too big to be called a cup, too big and too thick, too heavy, and too rough, it was more like a hunk of iron.

This monstrosity, a bastardised version of a pint glass and a wine goblet was forged from melted-down swords and axes of fallen warriors and embroidered with poorly chiselled emeralds from the crown of kings and was perhaps Celestia's favourite possession.

“There, that’s much better,” Celestia whispered, her smile taking on an impish quality. She loved the ugly behemoth of a cup and cursed herself for not swapping to it sooner.

She had won it from a half-mad, half-genius Minotaur who had goaded her through playful insults into a game of legion. A game in which one was to drink a shot of gut rot mead (which strangely tasted like honey and cyanide as most minotaur drinks do) every minute for a hundred minutes. By the end of the dare, Celestia had staggered her way through the bet with one hundred minutes, whereas the minotaur had passed out in the foetal position, after reaching ninety-eight. Though, at the end of it all, nobody truly won, not after the sun rose four hours late and she had spent the rest of the time sleeping with her head resting on the edge of a toilet seat.

But regardless, it did win her the cup, the admiration of the Minotaur tribe and a new title, which in Equestrian, loosely translated, as ‘The Wine Beast’ or something to that effect. Actually, come to think of it, it might have been ‘The Wine Bit-‘

She paused, just before the cast iron steel reached her lips, as a sound rang out through her chambers.

She knew that sound, it was not something most ponies can really hear, like how ponies can’t hear a dog whistle, but a ruler of a country, at least one as old as her knew it well. It sounded like dread and foreboding cracking their knuckles for a pummelling of a lifetime. It sounded like responsibility had come for last month's rent with a baseball bat hanging menacingly over its shoulders, and by the way that it was stomping down with reckless abandon into her tower, it was not going to take an I.O.U this time.

“I swear if this was her idea of a prank, I’m going to--”

“Sir the princess is not to be disturbed!”

“Shut it, Copper Hoof, I’m in no mood for your goody-two-shoes garbage at the moment!”

“Hey man, I’m only doing my job.”

“Oh just get out of my bloody way, I swear she-“

“You shouldn't refer to the princess as ‘she’ Silver, it’s rude!”

“Oh, oh I’m thinking of referring to her as something much worse right now, and I swear if she actually did do this as a prank, she going to need that spinning crystal heart, those elements of harmony, and that blasted Discord to save her from what I’m going to do to her, now where is she?!”

Celestia stared at the wine, then at the door, considered as she often did of just teleporting away to some far-off land for a few hundred years, then sighed as she set down the goblet instead. “I’m in my bed chambers Silver Tongue, reliving my halcyon days. But if you’ll be so kind as to give me, say? Ten minutes, to collect all of those things I’ll need to escape your wrath, I would be most grateful.”

The request was met with a stomping of hooves on the marble floor that suggested they were going to need replacing. Both golden guilted doors of her bed chamber flew open at the same time, slamming and cracking the wall behind them, she wasn’t too surprised though. Earth ponies were naturally very strong creatures when pushed, even ones like Silver Tongue, who probably never saw a gym in his life, and shuddered at the mere thought of the word.

The above-average-sized stallion, which was currently wreaking havoc on every door frame in Celestia's castle, was what one would call a stallion who was comfortable with himself. He wasn’t exactly fat, that would not be the word to describe him, the word was too small for a start. He was more a stallion that exuded heaviness, someone that seemed to fill anything he was wearing like water filled every space that it flowed into, you couldn’t dress Silver in the conventional sense you simply poured him into a suit and hoped the buttons could take the strain.

But that was not his defining quality. Because before noticing his size, one would first notice that every extra inch of him was maintained with an almost fanatical degree of care. His slicked-back mane style alone probably took hours of meticulous planning. Every follicle of fur was sculpted into place like an action figure, suit, and tie were pressed so sharply they could have cut through diamond and his cologne bottle collection was so vast it needed its own sommelier. Silver Tongue was by the definition of the phrase a stallion with style for miles or style for circumference in this case.

That was the golden rule in Canterlot. Celestia raised the Sun, Luna raised the moon and Silver Tongue looked fabulous.

So when Celestia saw Silver Tongue at the egress of her chambers, matted fur covered in what looked like reddish slime, pieces of lettuce, yellowish egg yoke, and yes, even half a wedding cake with a fish head on his rump. This was not helped when also coupled with his mane which looked like amorous pigeons had nested in before being savaged by an over-eager cat. She was for once in her very long time shocked, to the point of stunned silence.

Silver Tongue looked terrible. The golden rule was broken.

Practically paralyzed with shock, Celestia could only watch as the hefty stallion locked eyes with his target, then moved over towards the table, pulled a chair right up to her, came right up to her muzzle, opened his mouth to scream at her, then instead glanced down at the cup in her hooves and snatched it from grasp.

He stared at it in puzzlement for the briefest of moments then drank the contents of the cup until not a single drop was left.

Something that also shocked Celestia. Silver Tongue never drank, ever. Something was terribly wrong.

After a moment of intensely awkward silence, as Silver Tongues' chins vibrated with indignation. Celestia felt like she needed to break the silence. That and because she had to know what exactly that awful smell was that was currently wafting off the stallion.

“...So, I’m going to go out on a limb and say that Luna’s diplomatic tour did not go so well?”

A long, low, guttural growl rang out from his jowls and spoke more words than a thousand volumes as he reached over to the wine bottle and dumped the remainder of the potent black liquid into the cup, and continued drinking.

“...I see.” Was her reply as she glanced everywhere but at her advisor, for once in her life she felt like the underling and he the scolding head teacher.

Whilst it was true, she employed him, Silver Tongue enjoyed a very unique relationship with the two princesses. He was their Public Relations Advisor, which meant that he got to enjoy a more relaxed relationship with the princesses and was one of the few ponies on Earth they had to listen to. Mostly because he had it amended in his contract, in bold capitals after the last scandal.

But this went far beyond informality; what Celestia was feeling from the stallion at this moment was straight-up contempt.

“I suppose you thought that was funny, didn’t you?!” Silver Tongue snarled out, every word practically dripping with venom.

Celestia paused before answering, taken aback slightly by the ferocity of the accusation. “Well… I suppose that I would be a rotten liar if I were to admit that this whole situation wasn’t at least a tiny part amusing, if only because of how risible it all is.”

Silver Tongue took those words and as many people in positions of power and authority seemed able to do when faced with an answer that did not conform to what they wanted to hear, deleted it from existence. “And I suppose, because there is nothing I’ve done to deserve this level of cruelty and embarrassment in recent years, this is your childish idea of payback after last year's diet I ‘advised’ you to take.”

To be fair, she had been mad at that a tad. Especially after he had somehow managed to pass it through court and make it legally binding. But she had already gotten him back for that by sticking literally hundreds of images of hardcore pornography strategically around his office during inspections week, But she wouldn't be this cruel, Silver appearance was everything to the stallion. Celestia knew the limit.

“Now Silver, it would be beyond sadistic of me to go out of my way to actively punish you for doing the job I’m paying you to do. Especially whatever it was that left you so very... what is that exactly?”

“Last week's leftovers from Griffonstone castle. I can’t say for certain what it is exactly, I’m too afraid to check because if I do I’m probably going to faint.” Silver stated in a robotic tone, devoid of any emotion as if his mind had left his body, refusing to go back until it had sorted itself out.

It was a strange feeling Celestia was having right now, for the record, first and foremost she was worried for her little advisor, and long-time close friend and what had done this to him. But on the other hand, she was also trying not to fall down laughing and simultaneously trying not to retch from the smell. Speaking of.

“Let’s do something about that shall we.” She spoke in a motherly tone, fixing a spell on the stallion.

“What did you just cast on me?”

“A small spell to nullify the smell. Also, the spell slowly cleans the body, it takes a bit of time however, considering a normal cleaning spell would be useless with this much mess, so while you wait why don’t you give me the full rundown, of your tour with my sister...Speaking of, how is she, she's not in the same state you’re in is she?”

“I can still smell it.” Silver said as he leaned down and wrinkled his nose in disgust. His tone shifted somewhat as the wine quickly went about doing its job. At the very least his anger was melting away slowly. Which was a plus in Celestia's eyes.

“Yes… that part's more for me, don’t worry the cleaning spell will get rid of that soon enough, now Luna how is she, she’s safe I presume?”

And suddenly, with that one name, Mr. Anger was back in spades and soon to be tag teaming in with his best buddy Sir drunken surly rage. “Oh, she’s the picture of health course, couldn’t be better, in fact, she’s asleep in her tower as we speak, cause why wouldn't you sleep after something like today?” he growled, slightly undermined by a hiccup.

Celestia's eyes widened for a moment, unsure of where this rage was coming from but now having a good idea of who it was directed at now at least, “Oh… that’s good I suppose, but then, how come--”

“I’m covered in my worst nightmare?” Silver slurred, lifting his arms up in horror. “We-ell, when you don’t have magic to teleport yourself away from a political suicide, that you just caused, in front of every sun damned griffon in Griffonstone, you have to use un-un-unconventional methodsss. Like the garbage shoot.” He paused as his mind seemed to rebel against that reality for a moment, “then, then!” he continued after it caught back up, “you flee through the farmers market, whilst an angry mob chases you... And throws market food at you, as you realise that you shouldn’t have overindulged in the banquet table before hoof, and you should have remembered where the train station was a little better, and then you start having some sort of exis-exce-existential crisis about where your life has gone and how even now in your mid-forties you're running for your life from an angry--“

Celestia knew where this was going and didn’t like it one bit, she reached over with one of her wings and softly stroked the least slimy part of his back. “Okay, Silver Tongue slow down, easy now, take a deep breath, everything’s fine now, you remembered your inhaler yes?”

Whatever it was that Silver Tongue was rampaging towards in his verbal diatribe stopped as he looked up at Celestia and blinked. “I-I,…don’t have asthma though?”

“I know Silver, I was trying to get your mind off of things.”

Silver Tongue looked down in thought and hiccupped. “Now that you mention it...Maybe I should check, I don’t go to the doctors enough, and my left side is always itchier than the right and, and also when I wake up in the mornings sometimes I have this really weird--”

Celestia grabbed him more firmly in her wing hug, “I’m sure that’s all perfectly normal,” she added hurriedly, “you’re fine, well, you could stand to lose a little bit of weight and you really shouldn’t use so much mane gel but besides that you’re fine.”

“Hey, that’s not...Ah, you’re right... Nice trick by the way, where did you learn it.” He muttered lamely, sagging his shoulders.

Celestia nodded sagely. “When you teach a pupil like my little Twilight you find unconventional methods to be your only option.”

Silver Tongue despite himself chuckled a little, remembering what the little filly was like, and to an extent still was. Then his nose got a whiff of his body and he was back to straight-up contempt again as he threw off Celestia’s wing from his back.

“So tell me Celestia, because I’m having a very hard time working this out in my mind, as to why you would advise me to place Giffonstone on the list of the royal tour that I and Luna was to take. Right in the middle of their most important holiday. Which, need I remind you, is about as important to them as the bloody Summer solstice is to Equestria, given that your sister is, how shall I put it nicely? The worst pony at dealing with griffons I’ve ever seen before! Oh and before I hear the excuses, there is no way that you did this by accident. No? Not answering...Well fine, you might as well enjoy your little prank now, because by next week a political hellfire is going to rain down on all of us like confetti from a clown's ass!”

Celestia stayed perfectly still again, upon hearing those words, save for a lightning bolt shiver that went from the back of her neck to the base of her tail. What she thought to be nothing more than a little misfortune from her advisor and her sister was apparently something much uglier.

Silver Tongue was no doubt the best stallion at his job, somepony who could turn a common thief into a modern-day saint overnight, and in one case actually did. With just a few words and a few little news articles if he was so inclined. He had been the one to direct Luna's own return into the public eye and had done such a good job of it that by the end of the month no pony seemed to remember she had ever even left. So when he said somepony messed up, they messed up big time.

Celestia felt her hooves go up to her face, muttering out a soft. “Oh no, what did she do now?”

Silver Tongue opened his mouth to speak, he had all of the neurons in his mind firing up to counter any argument against some sort of counter-accusation he thought Celestia would throw at him. So when he got the reaction he actually wanted he was not quite sure what to do with it.

“Y-you, wait you really didn’t do this, this wasn’t just some sort of prank the both of you planned together, was it?”

Celestia rubbed her eyes, feeling them to be very heavy at that moment. “Silver Tongue, I can honestly say that whatever transpired at Griffonstone was not a prank, at least on my part.”

Silver Tongue, unlike his name suggested, found he had no words just then. All at once he seemed to sober up, his eyes darted around as if calculating several scenarios, none of them good, “Oh...oh dear, somehow that’s actually worse.”

“If it’s as bad as you say, Silver, how can it get worse?” Celestia asked.

“Well, it’s better to say it was a very poorly thought out prank at your advisor's expense than it is to admit that the co-monarch of this country and the mare who raises the very moon is a bigot.”

B-Bigot?” Celestia stuttered out, almost lifting off her chair as she did so.

“Celestia,” he said slowly, “you know I’ve done public relations work for some real narcissistic ass’s and some actual narcissistic ass’s, like real donkeys. And I’ve worked with ponies who are, let’s just say, biased against other species. Heck I mean do you remember I had to do some PR work for the Elements of Harmony after that whole affair with the Zebra got out? Having to convince the masses of Canterlot that they actually didn’t know what a Zebra was and making it seem like a genuine misunderstanding, was one of the hardest tasks I’ve ever had to do in my life. I mean really, none of them except Twilight knew? Didn’t they read a foal’s book when they were little!? That’s like the first couple of things you’re taught about Eques besides the alphabet and colours.”

Celestia rolled her eyes as she realised the drunk stallion to her right was rolling off onto another tangent again. “Yes yes Silver Tongue, and thank you, again, for that, but could you please get back to the point where you were talking about my little sister.”

“Right, sorry Celestia, where was I?”

“Something about my baby sister being--

“Ah yes! One of the worst frothing-at-the-mouth griffon haters I’ve seen in my life. I mean, if I was compiling a list of the top five in my head, she’s at least third, on the list only below the leader of the anti-griffons movement, that turned out to be a huge misunderstanding when the logo was misspelled and was meant to read the anti-grifter movement. And it was later revealed that the pony who was commissioned to design the banner ironically was one of the biggest con artists in living memory.”

Celestia resisted the urge to roll her eyes a second time, this was why you did not give good wine to lightweights.

“And my uncle, who suffers from dementia, who thinks that griffons come in the night and steal his pudding cup. But then, sometimes he blames it on dwarfs or the nursing staff.”

“For the love of all that is holy Silver tongue please stay on point.” Celestia snapped.

”What I’m getting at Princess is that your sister does not like griffons, at all, she is a bonafide and avid speciesist!”

Celestia winced as that dreaded word resurfaced, suddenly the room was getting too hot for her liking. “S-Silver Tongue, I simply cannot believe what you’re saying,” she chuckled light-heartedly, it was about as convincing as a third-grade rendition of Shakespeare, “to imply that my sisters, my loving free-spirited sister, is anything but a progressive forward thinking mare, who respects all cultures and --”

Silver Tongue lifted his hoof up, which stifled Celestia immediately. He reached into his ruined coat pocket and produced a small red notebook that somehow had miraculously stayed in perfect condition. “Would you like me to go through the list of reasons why me and every griffon in Griffonstone, can attest to the contrary because I took notes of today's events.”

“E-Every griffon?!” Celestia said, her voice raising several octaves before she managed to get it down to low vibrato, “O-of course Silver Tongue, I will gladly listen to them and pick apart these awful allegations as mere hearsay or simple misunderstanding.”

Silver's long deadpan glare was an almost unspoken dare at that, “Okay then, let’s go through my personal experience of Griffonstone, my one and probably only day I’ll ever have in the capital. Ah-h, let’s see, yes here we go, nine o’clock am, we arrived at the station. Nine o’ five the conductor, a griffon I should add, comes out to personally welcome Luna himself. In his native tongue. Luna responds with ‘Yes yes meow-meow, hiss-hiss to you too,’ then walks off the platform without so much as a by your leave.”

Celestia’s neutral expression could have won an Oscar for best acting at that moment. “W-Well she’s never been good with the Griffonian language.”

“Cat noises Princess? Tell me what part of Griffonian sounds like hiss-hiss to you?”

Princess Celestia's gulp was almost audible, “Perhaps when griffons talk about cats?”

Silver Tongue could only stare at her with the best deadpan expression he could muster. “Celestia, is there something you maybe want to add to this?”

“I-I don’t follow you Silver?” She smiled back showing too much teeth.

“Maybe Something about you knowing Luna’s distaste for Griffon's perchance?” He asked, “you know I can tell when you lie, your lips move.”

“Silver, really now, i-if I knew about this sort of thing d-do you honestly think I would have sent her there?”

Silver Tongue bit his lip in thought mulling it over. Other than thinking it to be the worst prank in the history of his kind, he couldn’t answer that, yet. “That's what I’m trying to work out, but I know you’re hiding something and I don’t think you’re just going to tell me, so I’m just going to have to continue with this until you realise the gravity of the situation.”

Celestia almost screamed out a ‘please heavens no!’ but caught herself just before it jumped her tongue, instead she just meekly waved her hoof signalling for him to continue. Silver simply shook his head.

“Ten am, oh you’ll love this one princess, your always one for a play on words, we arrived at the palace, and we were greeted by the Emperor himself, Emperor Richard Fafhrd Hydric the fifth of his name and his Wife Empress Ingrid Gunnhild Hydric the first of her name. Celestia, do you know what Richard is short for?”

“Um, Rich?” Celestia asked, coughing as her throat and mouth suddenly went very dry.

“No, no it’s Dick.” He said with an utterly fake chuckle “get it? Your sister did, and she found no end of humour in knowing this, as she finds all griffon names funny as I learned, she kept pointing it out to him, it went something like this, ahem, ‘hello king Dick, You must be a hard ruler, Dick, It must be tough growing up as the only Dick in the family?’”

“I see, yes that is--”

“‘Did you run into complications with all the other Dicks around growing up?’”

“I suppose I can see how that would be a prob--”

“‘What's it like being married to the strongest Dick in this land?’”

“Yes okay Silver, I think I got the gist of it!”

Silver reached back massaging his brow as he read the notebook, having at least fifteen more of those that he could recall just off the top of his head, yet knowing there were far far more than that. “Celestia, if it wasn’t for the fact the emperor is near deaf and his wife doesn’t speak our tongue we’d probably be at war already.”

Celestia’s left eye was twitching at this point, something that only happened when the perfect mixture of embarrassment and unbridled rage boiled inside her chest.

Silver cleared his throat as he flicked a few pages further into the notebook. “One agonisingly long hour later, we began the tour around the upper echelons of Griffonstone's famous market district. Luna, as I recall, was amazed over the lack of bird baths in Griffonstone, And when I, stupidly now I look at it in hindsight, asked her why that was so strange, she came to the conclusion that it probably wasn't so strange, and that’s probably why they all smelled so bad.”

“Could she still have been referring to birds? I mean there are some lovely ones in-”

“Oh, sorry to but-in, but I forgot to actually write this in, just as a little side note to this, she also had me stand at her back the entire time we were in the market, because she wanted me watching her saddlebags, in case one of them got it in their heads to try something, because, and I’m quoting her here ‘that’s just what they do, they see something shiny and they can’t help themselves’” Silver Tongue stated, using his hooves as quotation marks.

“S-She...Wait, she didn’t actually have you do that, did she?” Celestia stated practically stunned by the bluntness of her sister.

“I could go on with all of the little details, but why not skip to all the bigger ones shall we?” Silver Tongue stated in a sarcastically lecturing tone, as he flicked a few pages further into his planner.

Celestia resisted, with all her might, the urge to grab the duct tape in one of her desk draws, wrap it around her wings and jump out of her tower.

“Noon, Lunchtime, oh you’ll love this too. Apparently now, not only am I the royal public advisor, but I’m also the royal taster, a task that I didn’t think existed anymore, except for when Luna visits her favourite species.”

“W-well uhh that, that doesn’t sound so bad? You like food don’t you?”

Silver Tongue rolled his eyes so hard they threatened to look back into his skull. “I don’t like being thought of as a poison tester. Not that I thought any of the food was tampered with, but she certainly thought that was the case.”

Celestia slapped her head with her hoof. “Please tell me she was at least subtle about it?”

Silver Tongue just laughed at her, “She was, right up until she still blasted a hole in the table, because she thought she saw something devious in the soup.”

“I mean, all of that can be explained away, Luna has come back after such a long time, of course, some of her habits will seem somewhat antiquated,” Celestia stated with a hopeful smile, “really this might look bad but it's nothing that can’t be handled with a little, how do you say spit shine in your department right Silver?”

Silver Tongue's dower expression suggested the stain of Luna's visit could not be buffered out with anything short of an axe. “Yes, yes perhaps if it had been just those things I could have done something to dissuade them of your sister's blatant speciesism.”

Celestia's twitching eye could have rivalled a humming bird’s wing for motion. “Could you stop referring to her like that?”

“What, a bigot? I think we clearly established at this point that she is, isn’t she?”

“Ye--no no, she’s not ah,” Celestia lips seems stuck, unable to form the words she wanted to say, like they refused to say something so blatantly untrue. “she’s just, just, umm morally biased, to certain avian species.”

“Isn’t that the same thing, only said differently?”

Celestia opened her mouth to deny it, fought her tongue to say the words for a moment then sighed deeply, defeated once again, “...It sounds less damning.”

“Ahah!” Silver roared, “So you do admit Luna has a problem with Griffons!”

Again, Celestia pressed both hooves to her forehead, as she leant against the table with both forelegs and let out one long droning groan. “I thought this tour might have cured her, I thought that maybe, just maybe if she went to their homelands and saw for herself that they weren't these greedy, bestial, predators plotting to attack us at every turn, but just another peaceful nation like Equestria, she’d knock this nonsense off, she's been so good up until now!”

Silver Tongue frowned down at Celestia, he was a pony who enjoyed being right, especially when it came to Celestia who seemed to enjoy it that little bit more. But he was not a vindictive pony at heart and Celestia despite being his employer and ruler was also someone he considered a friend and right now she looked like she could use one. Despite his righteous anger, he took a deep breath and let it out in one long breath.

“Don’t you think that that's a bit optimistic on your part Princess?” He stated in a more sympathetic tone.

“Yes, perhaps, but nothing has worked out so far,” she muttered through her forelegs, “I assumed that maybe after a thousand years away she would have a different perspective on griffons! I tried everything! I mean everything! Introducing griffon friends of mine, going to griffon council meetings, suggesting recent griffon literature, everything! It didn’t seem so crazy when it was about meeting other species. In fact, the only reason I tried this tour to begin with, was because I was inspired by our Idea about setting her up for Nightmare Night, that was a resounding success, I hadn’t seen my little sister so giddy in years!”

Silver leaned back on his seat, looking down as he tapped his hooves together in thought, doing his best to ignore the squelching noises coming from them. “Yes, I can see the thought process, and despite being first on a long list of ponies who will suffer for the repercussions of this, I will reluctantly admit, it was a solid base for a plan. I just wish you would have come to me for this idea. We could have hashed out the finer details, perhaps approached something a little smaller than the capital city of the Griffon Empire, baby steps as they say.”

It took a moment for the princess of the sun to calm herself, unbeknownst even to herself she realised she had been keeping this pent-up for some time. But now that it was out, she felt the stress in her soul flow out of her, at least she had been able to confess this to her friend first before the news came lunging at her with allegations of today's events. “So…” She started hopefully. “Now that this is out and in the open, can I concur that we are quite done with this, and we can begin with ideas concerning damage control?”

Silver Tongue shook his head sadly. “I’m sorry princess, but it's best you hear about this from me now, considering what she did, because it’ll be unending in about three days time when the news reaches back to Equestria. That’s not adding all the milk and mouse jokes by the way.”

“Another feline joke I take it?” Celestia said dryly.

“How did you guess?” Silver said, matching her tone.

“Well, it seems that this was reason enough for you two to make a quick getaway via, the garbage disposal was it?” She said, grabbing for the wine bottle.

“No, that was just me, she teleported, remember.”

“Right of course she left you with an angry mob, I’m guessing this is the part where she caused one am I right?” Celestia sighed, deciding just to drink from the bottle itself.

Silver nodded, “You know about Fornt Dag? Union Day, the very very important ancient festival for all Griffons? The one with the four staff’s that they take very very seriously and don’t take kindly at all to anyone interrupting, using as a back scratcher and then breaking.”

Wine splattered the wall, wine that had only a second ago been in her mouth, “What was that last part?”

“Well, its tradition as you know for the four staffs of the great houses of the Griffon alliance to be placed in their allotted slots on the stone floor on the hill of union, thus symbolising the birth of the Griffon Empire atop Griffonstone. Well Luna being -at the time at least- a welcomed guest of the country, was given the prestigious honour of being the fourth staff holder…”

“Which she did respectfully and without incident?” Celestia pleaded in vain.

Silver Tongue laughed again, without a hint of mirth in it at all. “No, why would she do that in front of two thousand griffons, their nobility, and their beloved royal family. No, instead, she used it to get at an itch that apparently couldn't wait, off her back, and once the crowd started to protest… Well, that's when things got… I don’t know how to describe it other than…weird.”

“Weird?” Celestia parroted, that was not the words she was thinking, enraged, arrogant, explosive even, but not weird.

“Yes, she had been acting strangely all day, twitchy, uncomfortable, but now that I think about it, at that moment she seemed… I don’t know, when she was in front of the crowd she seemed shaken strangely, considering how little she cared about them before that moment. She seemed um…”

“Aggravated?”

“No…scared, do you know what I mean?” He asked, Celestia shook her head, she had never thought her sister could be scared of anything. She was always in fact the fearless one of the two. The very idea she could be afraid of anything made Celestia strangely uneasy.

“It was only for a moment,” Silver said, “perhaps I’m just imagining it, but whatever it was it was gone in a second, then the old Luna came back. You know the fire and brimstone Luna. Before I could say anything she screamed at them to shut their filthy beaks, she called all of them brainless rodent chasers, unfit to govern themselves, and then as the young kids are saying these days, ‘peaced out’, via teleportation. But the worst part of it all, the worst part was she dropped the ceremonial staff onto the ground.”

Another shiver seemed to move through Celestia now, unlike before this one felt like a snake slowly shifting behind her back, this wasn’t shock, this was nameless dread. “Silver, please tell me that she didn’t break the staff.” This was going beyond a diplomatic incident, there had been wars started over less.

Silver Tongue went over the memory in his head, straining his thoughts in order to remember. “I can’t say Celestia, I didn’t exactly get a chance to check I was in garbage at this point.”

“...Because Luna left you.”

“Left me in front of about two thousand five hundred incredibly angry, incredibly mob-like griffons, who assumed one of their greatest national treasures was potentially broken by some outsider. It's a miracle I escaped with my life. I’ll probably never be able to look another griffon in the eye, not without flinching anyway.”

Celestia blinked slightly as the words and the events of the day rummaged around her all too sober mind, all she had wanted was one day of peace, not even that seven hours, could she not have seven hours? Now, they were looking at something so big it might be another ten years before she could even think about wine.

It was all too much, something in the celestial princess’s mind broke. Silver Tongue shivered as her blank expression morphed into an eerily calm smile.

Neither too quick nor too slow to betray her mood, she walked over to her bed, grabbed a medium-sized white pillow, examined it for a moment then nodded to herself and walked past Silver towards her bed chamber door.

“Um ahh, Princess, where are you going with that pillow?”

“Hmm? Oh, excuse me a moment Silver,” she said with a smile that somehow displayed the very antonym of its usual intended purpose, “I’m just going over to my sister's room, where I plan to smother her to death with this pillow, then myself, before the embarrassment of this sets in and kills me. Please tell Twilight and Cadence to make a modest funeral for me, no big ceremony and make sure they serve ice cream cake, not that store-bought rubbish, the real stuff, I’ll know if they don’t.” Celestia stated softly as if she was excusing herself from dinner.

Now not to negate his anger at the nocturnal princess, because Silver Tongue was furious with her. But she was also his friend all be it a strained one at the moment, but more importantly she was the ruler of the country, so the last thing he wanted to be was the instrument in a murder-suicide of the royal sisters.

He didn't want to escape two angry mobs in the space of one day. Also, he certainly would never get a job again if two of his (royal) clients died, and considering tomorrow's press, they were the only ponies on the planet that we're going to hire him for many many years.

“Princess! Wait, aha, let's not do something too rash now!” He sputtered, leaping from the chair.

Silver Tongue ran forwards, which had the effect of looking like gelatin sliding off a plate fat shuffling in the suit as he managed to catch up to her right as she was reaching for the doorknob. She wasn’t even listening to him anymore, he tried in vain to push her back, but all he seemed to be doing was pushing himself along with her. Despite his above-average size and weight, it might as well have been the pillow itself that was trying to stop the Princess’s murder spree.

“Oh and Silver,” Celestia stated, that almost sing-song voice made her haunting smile that much more terrifying, “Be sure they don’t play any of that dub wub stuff at the wake, I can’t stand that noise. Classical music only, please. Or perhaps some old-school metal, but only Black Saddle, or Judas Prance perhaps? The early stuff, if you please.”

She pushed him like a cup across a table with a foreleg, and grabbed at the door knob, where no doubt not even an army could have stopped her. The pillow fluffed ominously, the entire weight of a country's future was set in its dainty tassels.

Silver wracked his brain, he was a stallion that worked best in high-pressure situations, he had to be, his extra weight made everything higher pressure. His brain slammed desk drawers and filing cabinets of his brain cells looking for long lost plans and strategies that would save his hide at that moment, bribing officials, spinning stories, good old fashioned blackmail, the friend of any Public relations advisor, but none of them would work. This was all too big for conventional strategies.

What could you do when the stakes were this high, nothing sane would ever solve the issue?

That was when it hit him. Well not so much hit, the idea did not strike him like a lightning bolt, mostly because his blubber had too much insulation for that to take any effect, this came to him in that second as he watched Celestia's guided hoof turn the handle of the door almost like the punchline to a not very funny joke.

Indeed it must have been a joke because the idea at that moment seemed insane, the idea of it would have been dismissed in a nono second had he been thinking clearly. But through the wine, through the stress, and the sheer magnitude of the day, it seemed then like a lifeline thrown in a stormy sea when the boat was sailing into the distance, a PR plan so utterly demented that it was only to be used as a last desperate resort and had a ninety-nine percent chance of failing.

But one percent chance of success sounded like pretty good odds next to the one hundred percent certainty of regicide and job loss he was facing now.

“Wait,” he bellowed, the ideas still forming in his mind even as he was talking, “what if I told you I had another less ‘murdery’ Idea that might help Luna and this whole situation!”

That caused the princess to pause a moment, she turned her head only slightly towards him, flicked an ear directly at the Stallion as she lowered the pillow an inch. Which he took as a good sign to speak quickly and fast.

“N-now hear me out, because it will sound crazy,” Celestia's hoof began to turn the doorknob “Wait, wait! It might sound crazy, but it may be the only thing to save your sister's image and more importantly, keep Equestria safe!”

Thankfully, again, the princess did not make a move for the door, but she still kept her hoof on the handle.

“Now I’m not sure how you’ll take it, considering I apparently don’t know if you have any um how did you put it, Moral biases?”

Celestia's head turned slightly more towards him and she growled morosely.

“Okay, okay, I just had to be clear here. Up until this morning it never even crossed my mind to ask Luna if she disliked certain species, but here we stand.” This was good, he could work with this, as long as nobody was getting smothered he was doing something right. “Now I’m asking this because what I’m proposing might mean perhaps a new, ahh addition to ah-ha oh how do I put this subtlety?” Silver bit his lip as he moved slightly closer to the princess, trying his hardest in his drink-addled mind to pitch this in the correct way.

“Princess, how do you feel about some fresh young blood around Canterlot castle?”

Celestia's brow creased ever so slightly as she turned to face him fully, lowering the regicidal cushion to the floor. “...I don’t get your meaning Silver, there are lots of youthful stallions and mares around Canterlot castle?”

“Yes, yes I know that, I’m referring to young blood, like very young, younger than any mare or stallion in this castle, foal like to be exact...or perhaps err,” he swallowed, this was the crux of it all, he hesitated only slightly then looked up at her, “hatchling if you want to use the correct terminology?”

Celestia blinked very slowly and in a very calculated manner as she sat down on her floor and stared thoughtfully into the air before turning her gaze back to Silver. “Okay Silver Tongue, you're right, that does sound completely insane. But, I’m going to go back to my desk and you're going to tell me this insane plan, and then, based on if I think it will work or not, I’m going to decide whether to go with it, or go with the pillow, I’m still leaning heavily to the latter. So I advise you for the well-being of us all, make it good, and explain it thoroughly.”

Silver Tongue brought a hoof to his collar to loosen his noose-like tie, a heroic effort in itself considering he had to find the hem inside of the neck folds. “R-Right, no pressure... how about some wine first though, shall we?”

A Plan Hours in the Making

Golden Brightnose Boffo Smile, or simply Golden as she was styling herself these days, tried desperately to skulk through the castle hallways like all the other maids did. But it was doomed to failure from the start, even as she peered leeringly through the hallways, reminding herself to squint her eyes suspiciously and leer into the darkness after every turn of the empty cavernous halls of Canterlot castle like she was up to no good, it was no use, she still was not getting the hang of it. Besides how was she supposed to skulk when she gave herself away with every step.

She was a serial hopper by nature and skipped through life despite her best efforts not to. Her heels gave the slightest squeak like a rubber chicken being squeezed every time she landed, much to her chagrin.

Still, she was determined to do her best, sticking to the shadows as she hopped, skipped and jumped through the gentle moonlight illuminating the castle halls. Thankfully the only ponies awake at the moment were Luna's Royal guard who were currently several floors up and just hanging around, as bats often did.

When finally she was satisfied that she was alone, she trotted up to one of the many uniformed doorways of the castle and lifted her hoof to knock. Before she could even bring hoof to wood the door swung suddenly open without any warning right towards her face. Golden, who had suspected something like this might happen, jumped backwards, but in this regard, she should also have known better.

Her rear hoof landed on a banana peel that had not been there before and she skidded. Both hooves fought to stay upright, but due to metaphysical causality, the floor had suddenly lost any grip, despite the fact that the royal polishers were not due for another week. She skidded backwards as one disaster prone pony is supposed to do in this sort of situation, whereupon she righted herself for a well timed second. Then, because the universe had deemed it so, and because the laws of causality demanded it, she was stuck by a charging terrier and fell face-first into a tray of custard pies.

The universe righted itself again, and a small group of onlookers nodded their approval and went back to work. No one laughed, but inherently it was not meant to be amusing, but it would have been far worse if it didn’t happen, laws of reality are rather for lack of a better term, funny about that. Such was Golden Smile’s life, from a young age she had been cursed with a tragic bout of comedic timing.

Despite the doctor's best efforts, it was incurable.

“There you are Smil- eh I mean Golden, I’ve been waiting for you,” a voice from above said as Golden wiped away the cream from her eyes with practised hooves. Darn it all, she had just had her maid uniform washed as well, there went this week's wages. Her laundry bill was already larger than some small countries' economies.

“Hey uncle Silver.” she said in a defeated tone, tried to anyway, unfortunately her voice came out as squeaky and bubbly as ever, another side effect of her genetic condition.

“Are you alright?” he asked, knowing better than to ask why there was a small array of comedic items around her. Everypony in the castle was well aware of her plight, after all, that’s what happens when your mother ran off with a stallion with a long and proud ancestry of clowns and mimes.

It would not have been so bad for Golden if she had followed in her family’s custard-filled hoof steps. It was a respectable trade for all of those who didn’t mind orbital blows to the skull with anvils falling from the sky or being slapped in the face with fish, so long as it was sufficiently humorously named and comically big enough that is. Clowns had standards after all.

But that was not what she had wanted, she had no interest in humour at all, much to her family's horror, when they had caught her reading War and Peace instead of Tibbins thousand and one punny jokes, a sacred text in their household. Worse still was when she had sat them down at eighteen and tearfully confessed that she was dating a librarian, who famously where to comedy what a nail was to a balloon animal.

“I’m fine uncle,” she droned dourly, getting back upright and shaking the remains of the pie away much like a dog would rainwater, “don’t worry it didn’t hurt.” One blessing at least, clowns were practically impervious to blows, explosions and other disastrous events that would have otherwise left a normal pony scared and paralyzed for life.

“Oh good, um Golden you have something on your um.” he motioned to her lips. Golden held up one of the silver pie trays and sighed, her makeup had smeared again. Large red smiling lips beamed back at her.

“Let’s get you inside shall we.” Silver Tongue said, motioning with his hoof, careful not to touch the remains of the cream on her uniform. She followed him into his study, it was only then that she noticed a strange smell. Usually, coffee and food permeated the room at all hours, her uncle was nothing but a fiend for both. But some other scent was there and she couldn't explain what it was, but it had the unmistakable scent of…

Baby powder?

Golden followed her uncle inside the room, which was uncharacteristically messy for stallion that didn’t leave his bathroom until every bit of fur on his body had been brushed twice, “What did you need me to do Uncle, did you want me to carry your plates out, or did you want me to clean your windows?” She asked hopefully as they walked.

Her uncle winced, “best not, we all know what happened last time you cleaned the windows.” he said softly. Golden nodded sadly, she was still trying to work out where the chicken had come into all that, or when the fire had started. “No Golden, I've invited you here because I need you to do something much more important than that, something vital to this country and you are the only one I know I can trust to do it with absolute discretion.” He said gesturing to a throw cushion.

Golden sat, to which the sound of an artificial farting noise permitted around the room from an unexplained Whoopie cushion, both pretended to ignore it, “Wait, you want me to help you with something… important?” she asked, eyes widening, hope in her voice.

“This is a very vital task and must be kept in the uttermost secrecy, no pony is to know about this, not the guards or the other maids, I’m trusting you with this Golden, as family.” He said, meeting her eyes.

Golden blinked, a small tear slid down her cheek, at the same time the flower in her lapel squirted water. She had always wanted to be thought of as important; To help her uncle in a meaningful way. He had, after all, helped her live her dream of trying to be a normal pony. Of doing normal maid work. True she had only been relegated to doing tasks in empty rooms at night and even then another maid had to go in and fix the roof and smashed glass. But it was a small step towards being useful. She sniffled, pulling out a multi-coloured handkerchief that she always seemed to have on hand and blew her nose into it.

It dripped.

“Really?” she asked, “I’ll do anything uncle, just say the word and I’ll run to Griffonstone and back with my hooves tied together if you ask.” she said, tapping her hooves together happily.

Her uncle winced at that for some reason. “There's… no cause for that,” he said, pausing to glance at something on the other side of his room. “In fact, Griffonstone is closer than you think my little filly.” he motioned towards a small basket, it looked like something ponies picnicked with, complete with the red tartan pattern blanket and everything.

She looked at it, then worriedly back at Silver Tongue “You’re not… stealing picnic baskets again are you?”

“I told everypony I don’t do that anymore, I’m clean now,” he said, jowls rippling with indignation, then he seemed to collect himself, “no, I want you to deliver this to princess Celestia, she’s to give an important speech at the crack of dawn and this will be the focal point of it. I need you to be there to deliver it before she finishes, and I need you to do it quietly and above all with complete discretion.”

She glanced back at the ordinary looking basket, “I’m very grateful uncle, really I am, but can’t you do it, it’s just a basket right?”

“Not exactly,” he said looking down at the basket then down at himself and frowned. The effect was like a turtle going back into its shell, “Besides, the problem is, that I, well, I’m not exactly built for sneaking, as you might have gathered.” he said, tapping solemnly at his stomach, it vibrated for several seconds, “you on the other hand have the unique talent of being noticeably unnoticeable.”

Golden muttered that a few times then cocked her head to the side, “I don’t follow?”

“You are so noticeable that no pony would ever believe that you were sneaking around, you’re practically invisible in that regard.” he said and depressingly her uncle was right, she was as stealthy as a bowling ball through a window, and about as messy. “Why does the Princess want me to sneak her food on stage, I thought she was still on her diet?”

Her uncle sagged into himself, “If only, no, I could tell you, but it would be easier to show you.” He moved over towards the basket. Golden followed, closely watching the floor for any puddles of water or small marbles, when finally she got to the basket, she stared blankly at it, until under the tartan covers over it started to move on its own.

“Keep very quiet Golden, trust me you don’t want to startle it, it has a tendency to answer claws first.”

Silver Tongue pulled back the covers and Golden's heart skipped several beats. She couldn’t help it, she screamed. Talons answered.

Above the castle roof, the seagulls were having a very strange problem, for one thing, they used to be crows, for another there perch, a strange combination of scales, fur and antlers were moving and sighing more than they would have liked.

There was a snapping noise, a cracking of light and one of the crows moo'd, another snapping noise and the moo turned into a bleating.

Discord sighed again, he was bored.

He stared up into the monotonous sky, watching the dull moon and the boring stars going about their tedious business. A spark of envy panged through him for just a moment as he caught sight of a comet barrelling through the sky to no doubt ruin someone's day on an unsuspecting planet, oh how he wished that was him.

He leaned his draconic body back against the tiles of the steeple tower he was wrapped around and lamented his place in the world. He was a god of mischief, a prince of deceit, a lord of change. Yet here he was doing none of those things. How long had it been since he last laughed, well about three minutes actually, but that was practically a lifetime to someone like him!

He thought about changing that, thought about maybe causing some chaos, but then he remembered that ridiculous oath he had promised to Fluttershy and sighed. A god of chaos’s oath was binding after all. No idea why, if any god was able to break an oath it should have been him. But that was cosmic irony for you, it was just one of those things.

But still, every contract had loopholes, he was a master at those. In fact, strangely since his oath, he had begun to enjoy the idea of working under rules, which were much more pliable than he had previously thought possible. Rules were more like rubber than steel he’d learned recently.

It was weirdly much more entertaining to work with subverting expectations rather than simply breaking things altogether. It was strange, but the problem with that was that it required slightly more effort than it previously had before. It required something that Discord had once thought was the most disgusting of words a person could utter.

Restraint.

He shivered as the word slithered through his mind, it always made him feel a little sick to even think it.

He just had to find something or someone up to no good, had to find something that was planning to ruin someone else's day, or at least give mayhem and chaos the gentle prod to the buttocks that it needed, and play the fairy godmother to the disaster. But that rarely happened at four am on a Sunday morning. Ponies were often doing stupidly pointless things like sleeping at this time, what a waste.

Blast it all, there had to be something he could do about this boredom right now. He stood up, scanning the horison for something, anything that he recognised as chaos prone. Fortunately for him, if not for everyone else involved, he did not have to look far. Because at that moment right underneath his feet, he heard a mare scream.

“It's so fluffy!”

Not a half second later this was followed by a table cashing, a noise not dissimilar to a squawk and oddly enough the sound of a rubber chicken being squeezed, right below his feet. Discord blinked for just a moment, then a manic grin formed across his face.

Finally the buttocks had been prodded.

Silver Tongue sighed, as he walked over towards his niece and gently removed the bundle of claws and feathers that had latched onto her face.

“I did tell you to keep quiet, Golden,” he said admonishingly, as he picked up the somehow still sleeping infant by the nape of its neck and gently placed it back into the basket.

“But he’s so cute, I couldn’t help it.” She said, a genuine smile on her face, he could tell because it didn’t comically stretch to her ears. “What’s he doing here uncle?”

“He, is in fact a she…I think?” he said rubbing one of his chins. That was what the matron at the orphanage had told him anyway, he had to take her at face value, he wasn’t good with griffon children, or pony ones for that matter. He had no need for children in his life, they didn’t cause scandals, as far as he could tell. At least not unless they came into this world via other means, which usually meant not through the clients legal spouse. “And the reason she’s here is well… she is a member of the royal family,” he stopped to check his pocket watch, “in about two hours or so that is.”

Golden Smiles eyes widened to the size of a dinner plate you could have served a family of ten on. “What did you just say?”

“Quite down,” he whispered hoarsely, “I just managed to get her to sleep for ponies sake.” He had spent the better part of six hours trying to get the little devil to quiet down, he was not sure how he was going to get the scratch marks out of the wood, or his back for that matter.

“Wait, does that mean, did that mean,” her smile took on a suggestive manner that Silver didn’t altogether care for. “If that’s the princess' daughter, does that mean?” She moved her eyebrows up and down suggestively and smirked again, it was worse than the first one.

“Good fields above no,” he said a blush creeping across his face as realisation dawned, “how would that work anyway, did you see any male griffons around the palace?” The blush had stretched to his ears, Silver shuddered, the idea of intimacy and all those germs mixing made his skin crawl. He saw sex as an unfortunate necessity of life, one that happened as far away from him as possible if he had anything to say about it, “besides she has brown fur, not white.”

They both stared down at what amounted to a brown cloud of feathers and fur with a beak stuck on it. Considering how big griffons got it surprised Silver she could be so small, she barely came to his knee. He watched her little chest rise and fall, snoozing happily inside the basket. Purple downy feathers surrounded her closed black beady eyes, a tuft of white feathers on the tip of her head, marked out the uniformed brown ones. She yawned and turned over pulling her blanket which she clutched tightly with yellow needle-like claws. Hind paws kicking aimlessly in her sleep.

She was cute there was no doubt about that, although her cuteness belied a frankly frightening strength, especially for her size and age. Not to mention how fast she was for a foal… hatching, or whatever they called it. But that would all have been fine, if not for her tendency to maul the faces of anything that scared, surprised, or even made her happy. Actually she seemed to do it whatever the occasion.

“So,” Golden said, clearly having some trouble tearing her concentration away from the little griffon, “If she’s not one of the princesses, then what happened to her parents?”

“Emm, died in some border scuffle with the zebra tribes from what I was told?” Silver said, tapping his chin with an idle hoof and racking his tired brain for what the mistress of the Celestial Royal Orphanage had told him. It had all happened so fast he had not been able to get the full picture. Normally these things would have taken months. But one had a slight fastrack when they were backed by the pony who’s name was on the building and also had the deed for the land it was on, oh and while they were at it the country it was sitting in, thank you very much.

Scouring half the orphanages of Equestria in three days was only half the reason he was so stressed. The other half was rather obvious. He was about to bet everything, a potential war with very disgruntled griffons, a princess's (somewhat) good name and most importantly of all his job on this tiny ball of terror. “They were both famous warriors or something, she comes from a long line of them, the Novabane Pride or some such, an ancient Pride I think? Though she might be the last of them, this is all second hoof into formation though, it’s hard to say really. fields only knows how she ended up here in an Equestria orphanage?” He shrugged again then caught sight of his niece and sighed, “oh don’t cry Golden.”

Golden sniffed. “But it’s just so sad though, she doesn’t have a mummy or a daddy.” She produced another handkerchief and Silver winced as she blew into it and made it unusable forever.

“A father? No. But she will have a mother, an aunt, and about five hundred servants, plus an entire country. Not to mention more money than we could ever spend in our collective lifetimes. I shouldn’t feel too bad about her Golden, she’s about to be made royalty after all.” Though he had to admit, that came with its own trappings, he mused as he gazed thoughtfully down on the soon to be princess.

“I guess that’s almost as good as a loving family.” Golden said in what he presumed was sarcasm, Though for a mare whose voice was at times so high pitched that only dogs could hear it, that feat was quite impossible to pull off. “I suppose there's worse things than having Celestia as your step mommy.” She reluctantly conceded.

“Hmm?” Silver Tongue turned from the little griffon back towards his niece and gave a soft chuckle, “oh no she’s not going to be Celestia's adopted daughter, she’s going to be Luna's.”

Golden turned to him, the cogs of her brain scraping together, “but then… Why am I bringing her to Princess Celestia? Actually, why am I doing this in secret at all, shouldn’t Princess Luna be the one to tell everypony?” She said, as her hooves worked half a sausage dog balloon, presumably for the little chick to wake up to.

“Oh Lunas never going to be more than fifty hooves from the poor lioness,” Silver said absentmindedly, moving over towards a brewing coffee pot by his desk, “this is all for show,” he chuckled again at the ridiculousness of that idea. “Fields above no, there's no way in Tartarus I’m letting Luna near her own daughter, with the attitude she has for griffons, could you imagine?” His laughter stopped dead when he heard the sounds of a balloon popping with a vengeance.

Silver nearly dropped the coffee pot as his niece materialised in front of his face, her face had taken on a small pout as she stared at him, he had never seen her so irate before.

“What was that!” She roared, “did you just admit to foalnapping the Princess’s baby!”

Silver blinked, “W-what, no-“

“Depriving a foal from her mother? Who are you and what have you done with my uncle!” She yelled, poking her hoof into his chest, it sank several inches before stopping.

Silver opened his mouth several times, realising that he had only told his niece a fraction of the story. Before he could say anything to his defence, there was a murmuring from behind them as the chick began to mew and then began to cry.

Golden pulled her hoof from his flab with some difficulty, flicked her eyes towards the chick still narrowed and swatted Silver with her tail. She moved towards the little Princess-to-be and plucked her gently up from the basket, just narrowly ducking her claws in the process.

“It’s not what you think Golden, this is for Luna’s sake, I’m trying to save the reputation of the royal family here. I’m not a monster.” He said, whilst some tiny part in the back of his mind wondered if that was just a thing a monster would say.

Golden ignored him as she focused on the chick in her hooves, despite her anger, Golden's features morphed into a sunny smile, as she began to softly coo towards the chick. What followed then was a frankly astonishing fast string of ‘peak boos’ , ‘who’s got your beak?’ and ‘this little piggy went to market.’ So quick, the little griffon was momentarily stunned by sheer sensory overload and instead stared up at Golden in startled interest. Then slowly the corners of her beak turned upwards and she began to giggle.

Silver watched this in his own stunned silence. It had taken him six hours to do what she had done in almost sixteen seconds. Six hours of rocking backwards and forwards, making frankly embarrassing noises and basically crying himself, as he pleaded with an infant to stop its incessant crying and go to sleep. All the while the little demon treated him like a glorified scratching post.

There were times it seemed to Silver if not to Golden, when being the daughter of a clown actually paid off.

Silver winced as the little lioness reached up and pulled on Golden's rosy cheeks, stretching them out to beyond the limits of any normal pony face. If Golden even noticed she didn’t comment, instead she let out an “aww.” as her cheeks snapped back into place.

Once the hatchling was placated, her eyelids began to droop and moments later, her little chest rose and fell rhythmically as she drifted back to sleep, her paint-brush tail swaying back and forth beside her. Goldens smile dropped like an anchor as her narrowed eyes once more slid back towards Silver, “you better start explaining yourself uncle, foalnapping is a serious crime.”

“Golden you’ve got it all wrong,” He moved towards them but she backed up hooves wrapping protectively around the hatchling, “Golden please give her back.”

“No,” she said shaking her head, “what you’re doing is mean uncle, it’s down right evil, how could you deprive a foal of-,” she glanced down at the feathery infant for a moment with a furrowed brow, “-a baby griffon, of her mother, I mean what’s all this for, your not making any sense?”

“Because she’s unfit to be her mother, now Golden, for the love of the sun and moon sit down and I will explain it to you!” He snapped, the sudden anger shocked him, he never snapped at his niece before and it showed on her face. She stood there mouth open, a slightly hurt expression on her face.

Damn it all he really needed some sleep.

There was another artificial farting sound as her flank hit the cushion, but she still held onto the chick with a protective grip. Silver sagged down, “I’m sorry Golden it’s, it’s been a hard few days.” he straightened up and looked her straight in the eyes. “Let me tell you a little story about my time at the capital, maybe after all this you’ll understand the situation.” he said slowly, pulling out his little notebook from his jacket pocket.

Somewhere outside of the window a figure was upside down and smiling, what was worse was that the face and the head were not the right way up. Discord could not believe his luck, he had heard the saying that pati-, patien-, sigh, the P-word, was its own reward and he had promptly laughed in that ponies face for nearly a whole hour.

Twilight had not been happy about it as well.

But now he was starting to see that maybe there was something to it. After all he had waited for a full six minutes while these ponies below him prattled on about their plan and every second he let them talk the reward seemed to be piling up.

This was everything he could have asked for, better than anything he could have planned even. All he had to do was tip the dominos over and the house of cards would come crumbling down… or however that saying went. He could just sit back with a bag of popcorn, watch and laugh. Oh this was even better than waking up one morning and finding a natural disaster in your Christmas stocking!

Moments like this were why he stayed, he wondered to himself sometimes why he put up with all this nonsense, and then something like this would come by and make it all worthwhile. He lifted himself back upright and sat back on a reclining chair which hovered several hundreds of feet above the castle.

He had to be smart about this, had to be, what was the word? Ah yes, Subtle, he winced at that word, so many vile words in one day, but if he wanted the maximum chaos with the shortest amount of effort involved on his part, well he supposed he would have to deal with a little bit of discomfort, as long as it meant a lot more for everyone else.

One hour later, several diagrams and a lot of note taking, Golden finally left her uncles quarters more confused than she had when she entered it.

“Scuse me, coming through, make way.” Golden yelled, racing through the corridors of the castle, as fast as a mare with a time bomb in the form of a cranky hatchling waking up from a nap could.

It had taken a long time to explain how this was actually going to work, because even her uncle seemed confused on the details. To see him second guessing himself made her uneasy, he was the type of stallion who planned everything meticulously, even down to what type of scroll he was going to use to draw up his plans.

She glanced at the sun rising through the windows racing past her, Celestia’s speech would be starting soon, which meant that Golden had to be at the bottom of Canterlot castle in twenty minutes.

Already she could hear the rumblings of the crowd outside. From one of the many windows she could see a stage had been hastily erected, guards were keeping back the sea of ponies. Her uncle had only announced the speech last night in the press, but even if he didn’t, a crowd would have formed regardless. Everypony knew that Canterlot crowds were a different breed of crowd. They could smell gossip on the wind. Canterlot crowds could sniff out entertainment wherever it was brewing and judging by the size already, whatever happened today was going to be big.

She glanced back at the basket on her back, feeling a touch of guilt. Didn’t seem very fair on the little lioness. Being thrown into all of this. Golden was happy she was getting a new family and she was sure that she would be loved no matter what happened.

But the fact that her new mommy wasn’t going to like her, or even be near her. That didn’t seem fair at all. For either of them. But she understood that if Silver had even been half right, it would be a whole lot worse if they were ever together.

But that just made her want to know, why did the princess hate griffons? What happened in princess Luna's life to make her hate a whole species. How could she hate this cutey, it just sounded like madness to her.

Golden had met many griffins in her life, some of them butchers (*a slang term they used for soldiers), some bakers (*ambassadors), even candlestick maker once, (*a confusing profession, but it usually involves walking up and down streets and asking others if they were looking for a good time.) Other than a different language they were just like her. Well besides the bird part, and the lion part, which kind of made up all of them, but deep down in there innards they were the same right?

She had met some that she didn’t like, but just in the same way she had met some ponies that were not nice. But to hate all of them, that was just weird. It didn’t make any sense.

She frowned as she turned back, then gasped as she thudded into something hard. Like in all cases with her kind, she did not quite obey the laws of physics as instead of falling backwards or simply over, she spun in a somersault through the air, completing at least four or five spins before collapsing perfectly onto her face.

“Ouch,” she muttered, feeling the need to say it even if she didn’t feel it. As she scraped herself up off the floor. She counted herself lucky that at least she didn’t land on anything comically messy.

“Are you alright, that was a nasty fall?” She turned and spotted a stallion in the same frilly maid suit that she was in. Which was strange because the stallion maids didn’t usually wear the frilly style outfits, well most of them didn’t, but Lock Box wasn’t in on Fridays.

“Who are you?” She asked looking up at the smiling stallion, a smile that seemed too big to be real.

The stallion blinked, his eyes were different colours she noticed, “oh I’m so sorry, I didn’t see you there, I think you dropped this by the way.” He said handing her the basket with a wink.

Golden gasped, then snatched it back from the stallion, and immediately went to open it to check on the hatchling. She stopped halfway, the words secret and show no pony, rang in her ears from her uncle's words.

“Don’t worry I caught it before she fell.” He winked again “wouldn’t want to spoil the show before hand aye?” Something about what he said snapped a membrane in the back of her mind kicking it into gear, but unfortunately she was still disorientated by the fall. She watched as he picked up another basket, identical to hers in every way and set it on his back. “Anyway, would you be so kind as to point me in the direction of Princess Luna's chambers?”

“Umm, that way.” Golden said, stepping aside. “When did you start working here mister, I really don’t recognise you at all?”

“Oh I’m a transfer and foreign exchange student, and it’s my first day, I’m covering for someone and also I’m fresh off the plane.” He listed off rapidly with a smirk, Goldens brow furrowed, she hadn’t heard of any new apprentices, also what heck was a plan-

“-didn’t you need to be somewhere you looked in a hurry?” The stallion asked with a raised brow.

Golden blinked, “oh sugar plums!” She yelled, throwing the basket back onto her back as she turned and flew back through the corridors.

The mysterious stallion watched Golden as she skidded across the marble floor nearly colliding into two stallions carrying a windowpane, then when she was out of sight, he flicked the blanket off the basket and stared down into the contents with a smile that would have rivalled a crocodiles.

“Hello there little one,” he purred softly to the sleeping hatchling below, “I think it’s high time you met your new mother, don’t you think?”