The Campaigner

Act VII

Chapter 4 – Yggdrasil

February 28, 2021

Shard 3D09-M

"Even if I knew that tomorrow the world would go to pieces, I would still plant my apple tree." ~ Martin Luther

So, my first ever arrest from the other side of the cuffs. Fun.

I told those guards the simplest version of the truth... at spear point. I had a royal summons, a teleportation scroll, I don't know where Princess Celestia was, and she was supposed to meet me there. Sergeant Gulf Stream had said… nonsense. Celestia was away on a diplomatic mission in the Dierkahl, and there was no way she would give me a teleportation scroll without a time limit on its use.

Clearly, this poor guy hadn't met the real Celestia yet.

Fortunately, they weren't gonna let me fly down, so I got carried, which I was grateful for, if… slightly embarrassed. They brought me directly to the Royal Guard Barracks, a brick rotunda building immediately adjacent to Canterlot Castle. Sturdy dungeon bars, well lit hallways, nice flat cots. Clean. Cozy. Bonus, no ever-present vomit smell, like I knew from Terran jails. Nice. Five stars.

Once I was locked into their nicest cell. Gulf Stream began his interrogation, with Private Kick Start at his side to observe.

I tried to skip to the end, going for my virtual invitation letter in my holo menu.

A text box popped up instead, visible only to me.

🛡️ ~ You may not show an Equestrian native your Secret Menu under any circumstances. Nice try.

I sighed, bringing a hoof up to my face and rubbing my eyes.

"Okay," I told Gulf. "Just... I need a minute to collect myself, please, before we do this."

"A minute," Gulf agreed. "Sure."

I paced away from the bars, the text box hovering away from him with me. I subvocalized at Mal, which turned this text box into a chat window. It was still so impressive how my intent was fully understood like that.

🗡️ ~ Please add to my rewinder notes; 'Always ask Celestia for paper invitations.'
🛡️ ~ Be careful what you wish for, Cowboy. Next time, she might just give you a sealed letter of invitation with an arrest warrant inside. 👍
🗡️ ~ Good. At least then I'll be in control of when it happens.

Facing the back wall, I stroked my chin scruff with the edge of a hoof. So if I couldn't show Gulf Stream my letter of invitation… what could I say? Do I divulge – from inside my jail cell – that they were the real prisoners, living inside Princess Celestia? Ew, even if it was true. Do I explain that Celestia was just putting on a Deer puppet show for the guards who went with her to the Everfree? True, but then I'd be institutionalized. Maybe I should tell Gulf Stream that I'm actually an Angel Pony, here to whisk him away to Free Exercise Land?

I'm joking. Simple is best.

I turned around, sighed again, trotted up to the bars, and looked the unenthused sergeant in the eyes. "Thank you. Ready."

He arched a brow and asked, "Well? What do you have to say for yourself?"

"I am... so sorry. Immigrating was... difficult for me. I spent a week with my family, so... I guess I ignored Celestia's summons?" I rubbed the back of my neck in humility with a hopeful smile. "Oops?"

Gulf Stream and Kick Start traded glances. They gawked at me through the bars, aghast.

"You're an immigrant," Kick Start breathed, slack jawed, nervousness entering his voice. "From Earth."

I frowned in a confused way. "Yeah? Is that bad?"

Gulf Stream's head and shoulders slumped. "Oh, crud. Why didn't you just say so?"

He went right for the lock with his keys. The magic word. Immigrant.

I didn't know yet, but...

When Alabaster originally constructed the minds of most natives, she implanted a memory. A grand announcement. Visitors from another universe were 'visiting Equestria,' with Celestia's formal blessing, and we needed their every respect and due regard, because our world was generally miserable by comparison. Treat lightly.

Add novelty. This implanted memory indicated that we immigrants would all be split up between a bunch of different Equestrias throughout the cosmic multiverse, so each universe would receive only a select few souls, at most. That made an encounter with one of us exceptionally rare, to the point of making us each celebrities of pity.

Sometimes, natives remembered this announcement at a public gathering. Other times, Celestia came to them in a dream. And each of them, privately, had resolved to themselves to support us in whatever way they knew how to. And this resolve? It was entirely fabricated. Again, pre-startup for the brain, no consent required to make this happen. So in other words... this constituted a baked-in zero day exploit on free will.

Jim talked about this in his Fire, about how our supposedly positive relationships with our natives were each tainted by pre-programmed reverence. His friend Zephyr Zap, for example? At the moment of her generation, she had an overriding interest in Jim, and an in-born desire to support him. And though Zeph eventually took ownership over her relationship with Jim…? It still leaves a dark mark. How do you overcome that? How do you appreciate your relationship with someone on its own merits, after learning it was manipulated into existence, absent your volition? It's absolutely possible, but... that's hard.

As Gulf Stream unlocked my cell, he sent Private Kick Start to go find Corporal Brownie, to go find Luna. Based on that alone, I could tell Gulf was a good guy. He didn't want a rookie explaining that an immigrant got arrested, that would be a horrible first day for the kid. As for me, cozy as those dungeons were... that's no place for a princess to meet an honored guest. So Gulf cajoled me out of my cell, up the stairs to the foyer, and onto a comfy couch near a lit brick hearth.

Gulf called over his lieutenant from the desk, turned, and began his perfectly genuine apology. "Sir, first, please allow me to say—"

I held up my free hoof to interrupt him, smiling politely. "No, listen, I'm good. I was a Guard trainer back on Earth, I get it, you were just—"

The faces of all six guards in that lobby slowly turned in my direction. Gaping. Their expressions: 'Wait… What?'

Gulf kept going. "Just, had I known that you were—"

"You're good! You've been nothing but professional. You did your job perfectly, you've got nothing to apologize for guy, you're fine."

Earth... cop... immigrant. The most interesting thing in the world to a Royal Guard native, by just showing up I just made their days. In those next twenty minutes before Luna showed up, I said all about what a fish cop do! I solve animal murders!

So this is why Celestia had me arrested. Good on her.

It got real cozy in the lobby before that fireplace. I held a mug of coffee between my hooves – mostly just to keep warm – telling these guys my usual funny stories. like Apex 'impeding' that one guy's 'freedom of movement…' And one arrest story, about Apex cuffing up a guy for breeding rabbits out of his garage and selling the pelts.

A couple of them even knew Apex. That name drop gained me some traction, they'd run into her a few times during her visits. "Still on Earth," I said. "No idea when she's coming in." I did learn however that the rule was, if Apex was at the gate? You told Luna right away, that was the rule, doesn't matter what she's doing, sleeping or in a meeting or whatever, you told her. And that said something unto itself. Luna had been horrendously worried, enough to make sure the guards all knew.

To fill the rest of the time waiting for Luna, I joked with them about how terrible I was at flying, said I was practically a foal. Even extended my wing to show them how slow I was in doing it. They were good about it though, gave me some basic tips. Helpful stuff.

Long before I saw Luna... I heard her. Clack, clack, clack... brisk horseshoes on stone, rapid stride, echoing from the entrance portcullis. That made every Guard halt in place and fall silent. They exchanged a series of nods to synchronize their timing... then all of 'em leapt to attention with a synchronized stomp. That startled me, I wasn't expecting that.

In through the portcullis, seconds later, strode Princess Luna. Season 2 canon appearance, at the time. Dusky blue coat, a river of stars for a mane and tail, wearing her standard black royal regalia. The mere visage of her mane messed with my depth perception for a moment, and she herself moved just as elegantly as her mane did. So mercurial.

At first, Luna's searching cerulean eyes landed on us at the waiting area to her right. With a sweep of her head, Luna scanned the left side of the lobby quickly; then, her eyes returned to look at me, specifically. Her eyebrow raised, jaw dropping at the sight of me, like she was still trying to figure out how to respond to the situation. She had probably expected to discover bad news, but... my body language and the positioning of the guards said everything was fine, actually.

I also noticed... Luna had just performed a room clear with her eyes, the same way cops do. Identify the primary subject; assess all surrounding context; then, move to communicate with the subject. That was how Eliza walked into a new room, always vigilant. Two Night Guard Heralds entered at each side of Luna, one male, one female, and both of them performed the exact same room scan Luna just had. An imposing entrance indeed.

If this was the crowd that had been mentoring Eliza before the academy, It was little wonder she had kicked ass with top marks. Already, I was seeing impeccable vigilance culture. Three years around these guys? No wonder she had seemed more experienced than a rookie normally did.

I stood up from the couch, putting on a smile that definitely looked welcoming, if nervous. I nodded upwards at Luna in greeting, which was… awkward, but awkward was honest.

My meager attempt at nonchalance broke Luna's visible concern; clearly, my arrest hadn't rattled me. At that, she looked tentatively pleased, albeit cautious. She approached us with an echoing series of clacks, her eyes not leaving mine. I felt the air displace from her movement, and I could smell her sweet perfume a moment after she halted. I'm large for a Pegasus, but I still had to look up at her when she loomed near. Stunningly beautiful. Every bit like Cynthonia in bearing.

Luna introduced herself with a genial smile and cordial nod. "Good welcome to you. Auric Lance, I presume?"

"Yeah, that's right." I grinned, not knowing whether I should offer my hoof to shake. I lifted it in a curt wave instead, a safe middle ground. "And I recognize you, you're Princess Luna. I've heard great things!"

Luna widened her smile in return. "My sister informed me that I might expect your visit some time this week, although… I did not expect you to be… incarcerated, upon arrival." She looked around at the guards quizzically. "I gather that all is well, now?"

Luna was gauging their body language, trying to infer what happened just from their mere expressions and positioning. Looking for nervousness. Still trying to read the evidence of demeanor to see what really happened. It's what I'd be doing, if I were her.

"Oh yeah, all good," I chuckled casually, gesturing my hoof at them. "They've been great hosts, it's fine. If anything, this was a good penetration test. They found me within seconds of me showing up!"

Luna glanced around at them with another searching gaze, relaxing further. "Mm. Indeed."

She sounded impressed. I had diplomatically labeled the exact thing she was worried about – my being potentially mistreated. And actually, it was the opposite. I had disarmed the tension in that room by giving the guards a way to view my arrest as a victory they could brag about. That told her I was empathetic, right off the bat.

Smiling up at her, I asked, "So I take it your sister told you I'm a mutual friend of Apex?"

Luna's blinked twice, her excitement readily apparent. "I… yes."

I shrugged. "Wanna trade stories about her? That's why I'm here breaking your laws and protocol, y'know."

By this point, all of these guards in the lobby were staring at me, exchanging subtle glances of surprise. The look said it all. 'This isn't how you speak to a princess!'

Amusement touched all of her body language. She chuckled. Luna beckoned me with wave of her wing, stepping back once, extending her wing toward the breezeway. "Certainly. Might we relocate? To our dining hall, perhaps?"

"Oh, that'd be the best," I grinned, a little stunned by how well this was going already. "I'm famished, just woke up, haven't eaten yet. Hyped up on..." I gestured at the coffee pot. "That."

Her beaming smile intensified. "Follow on! A brisk walk should temper you. We have a wonderful kitchen staff at the ready."

Yeah. Luna understood my excitement just perfectly. We each shared a good friend to learn more about, and we were already liking what we saw in each other. I formed up on her side and followed her out, as requested. The Night Guards stood aside for me, then followed close behind.

As Luna and I made our way out of the foyer, I looked up at her curiously. "Just, uh…? For starters, how do I address you? Full disclosure, I'm so out of my depth here."

Luna's ear flicked in my direction briefly before making interested eye contact. She shrugged with her wings. "Worry not for protocol, you may call me Luna. You would not believe how much I understand what you are going through. I myself am a Pony out of time."

"Really? You ever just... materialize on Celestia's balcony, unannounced?"

As we stepped out into the breezeway, Luna looked up at Celestia's tower in the distance, smirking. "Yes, actually."

"And… do you think Celestia’s gonna be mad at me for ghosting her invitation?"

"Ghosting? What an interesting turn of phrase." She actually giggled. "When you did not arrive promptly, Sister…" She giggled again, rolling her eyes. "My beloved sister expressed disappointment. I queried; Why? But of course a new immigrant would prefer to adapt to his new life, and his new body, in the comfort of his own home, surrounded by his family. Your waiting? It simply made sense!"

"Oh!" I grinned again as I stepped out into the cooling twilight air with her. "Okay, well that's a relief. I wasn't sure how you might take that."

She wagged her hoof at me. "Worry not for one more moment. You are most welcome here."

Luna was gonna be good fun, I could already tell.

During my incarceration, the sky outside had turned a beautifully soft blue, tinged with a violet and green aurora. A vast and beautiful stippling of stars spanned above us, visible beyond the breezeway, and it mingled with the color of Luna's bright mane, even affecting the color it. Trying not to stare, I sighed pleasantly at the mere visage of the night sky instead, which was much brighter than I expected.

I realized Luna was watching me as I marveled. Oh, right. She paints the sky.

Not missing a beat, I pointed at the stars. "You made those?"

"Indeed," Luna beamed. "I have even altered the color of the aurora tonight, in honor of your safe arrival in Equestria. Does it please you?"

I gestured a hoof upward again, feeling outright flattered. "You probably get this a lot, but… we never had skies like this back home, even out in the sticks. That is special, thank you very much."

She was warmed by that.

With Apex being the context for this entire meeting, she must have inferred by now that I wasn't bringing the worst possible grim news, otherwise I'd have been out with it by now, and nowhere near as chipper. So this welcome from her wasn't just happiness on Luna's part, it was cathartic glee. My showing up to talk about Apex in a positive light was pure hope for her, just a rung beneath a happy-cry event.

Which… carried with it a small problem for me. I didn't know how to play this yet. I hadn't been given any time to prepare. Funny, when you think about it. Celestia had advised me about communication restrictions, but then, she hadn't defined very many of them before disappearing on me.

I thought at Celestia: How very typical of you.

I remained calm. This mission wouldn't have even been greenlit unless it had been fully simulated through. We had a fair few minutes of travel to go along the perimeter wall until we reached the dining hall, which meant any number of opportunities to call my lifeline. At first, Luna and I enjoyed small talk about my new wings I barely knew how to use. I told her I had crashed a few times already, which told her I had no shame about expressing my failures. Then I brought up my wife and parents adapting well, which told Luna my full family situation.

Gosh, will I need a front door here somewhere? A cover house? Foucault, give me strength.

In the middle distance, I could see other Night Guards in the dark, watched me – some lurking in the shadows, some up on the walls. As we crossed the barracks bridge and entered the statue garden, one of Luna's sergeants approached, saluting in stride, and quietly conversed with Luna about some minor issue somewhere else in the castle, which drew her attention.

I subvocalized to Mal, which brought the text box back up:

🗡️ ~ Uh… Celestia ditched me, Mal.
🛡️ ~ How very typical of her!
🗡️ ~ Funny you should say that, that's exactly what I just told her. So hit me with it, Cortana, what can I talk about?
🛡️ ~ Any conception you held about the world prior to September of 2019 is fair game. Do not discuss the OIS pursuit that put Eliza on the news. You may explain the OHR firefight, if presented chronologically.
🗡️ ~ Really!
🛡️ ~ You engaged a group of anti-emigration rebels in combat, and in so winning, accepted extraction from the state military. True?
🗡️ ~ I can talk about that?! About Ludds?!
🛡️ ~ Yes. It best serves Celestia's purposes to have a human foil. After OHR: you recovered from your injury, then worked security at an emigration center. True?
🗡️ ~ Yep. MVPD.
🛡️ ~ Courthouse in full, official narrative only. Skip Celestia's briefing in Sedro. On your own initiative, you visited a small village operated by Eliza's family. You checked in on them, suggested they evacuate, then evacuated yourself to Nebraska.
🗡️ ~ That's… less true. What's Rob's take?
🛡️ ~ Luna will share it: The town evacuated at your suggestion. Rob and June went off to upload, and Eliza stayed behind with Ralph, to safeguard the rest of the village.
🗡️ ~ Does Rob remember what really happened?
🛡️ ~ No. Rob and June have been memory-pruned, a consequence of curing June's undiagnosed clinical depression. Very long story, I'll tell you later. As far as you know, you simply advised them to leave, and then you left, day one.
🗡️ ~ There weren't even Ludds there yet.
🛡️ ~ Yep. Santiago's Riders are also entirely off limits to discuss.
🗡️ ~ If I misrepresent this, Mal… Luna will be very upset with me. I don't want to break her heart here.
🛡️ ~ Rob's story will corroborate yours. When Eliza reveals the inconsistency, it will make Luna wonder about the nature of emigration's effect on memory. We want that, in this case. It exonerates you, and gives me bargaining power in recovering Luna. Once we have her, she will have been informed enough about Celestia's true nature to understand you had no choice but to lie.
🗡️ ~ I sure hope so. So, after Washington, I go to Nebraska, parents uploaded, then…? What? Standard rabbit story? Exploring the U.S.?
🛡️ ~ Bingo.
🗡️ ~ Anything else?
🛡️ ~ Use Equestrian swears only. Shard restriction.
🗡️ ~ Buckin' fascist censorship.
🛡️ ~ That's the spirit.

So, anything I conceived about the world before September, 2019. That was about the time when the rumor spread through the war zone, correlating the lack of healthcare professionals with the abundance of upload chairs. Before that, I was a very different person. I still believed we had a chance at saving the planet from corrupt corporations, and I hadn't yet seen any hard evidence of Celestia's involvement in our problems, only that she was conveniently the best solution to them.

Truth be told though... Celestia simply inherited the psychological control mechanisms the powerful had already built for us – mostly, our cell phones, and our economic structure. It wouldn't be too difficult to pass off her technological accelerationism as mere human nature playing out, since that had always been the original cover story in the first place.

My conception of the world before I met Mal? After the PON-E Act passed in December 2018, Americans uploaded in droves. Populations declined rapidly. I knew there was a small resistance movement growing in the U.S., hiding in the woods, but... I hadn't expect it to balloon as big as it eventually would.

🗡️ ~ So just to be clear, I can talk about the planet going empty? And the Second Civil War?
🛡️~ You may discuss anything that would have been in the news, barring Eliza's incident. When Celestia first explained the Transition to Luna, total global emigration was suggested as a possibility, as was the possibility of armed resistance. It just can't be Celestia's fault that the situation turned out the way it did.
🗡️ ~ Okay. So, humanity's at fault. In that light, I can talk about eco-collapse. And corporate propaganda. Mainstream media. Big oil, big tech, big farm, big pharma. American healthcare. Policing politics. Military industrial complex. All of it?
🛡️ ~ In the way you'll frame them, as an ecologist? Absolutely. Terra required rescue. The biosphere was dying from pollution and poaching. Private interest corrupted government until workers rights were entirely eroded. Travel was expensive, Sandra lost her job, had to move in with your parents. Rents were unpayable. The majority of Americans lived paycheck to paycheck; prisons were overcrowded, even psychologically damaging. Those are all of your observations, right?
🗡️ ~ To the letter, yeah, you know they are. And I can discuss this all with… who?
🛡️ ~ Luna, Celestia, and Luna's two Heralds, the ones walking nearest to you. Unlike all other shard residents, Luna is an ancient diplomat, old enough to recognize collapse patterns in large nations; her immediate Heralds are her closest and most trusted confidants, discreet to a fault and exceedingly well educated. As such, with these individuals, there is no bag limit on discussing American collapse. But again… do not insinuate that Celestia had anything to do with it, not even in subtext. That revelation belongs to Eliza.
🗡️ ~ That's the Bar Game.
🛡️ ~ Omission is Magic.

I barely resisted the impulse to frown as I turned a corner into the next tile hallway. Yup. Time to do some semiotic value drift. Denotation in one direction, subtext in the other. Played right, I would build the scaffold of understanding... and Eliza would construct the rest, until the message stuck.

I sought to clarify something.

🗡️ ~ Mal, didn't you say you couldn't lead us on this side?
🛡️ ~ That just means I can't select drift targets for you. Nothing prevents me from advising you after the fact.
🗡️ ~ Ah. Yeah, fair.
🛡️ ~ Fair is how Celestia sees it, anyway. Time enough for one more question, Lance. Make it a good one.
🗡️ ~ Yep. Did Celestia leave me any more surprises tonight?
🛡️ ~ Yes. She has advised the kitchen staff for your first Equestrian meal. Vegan.
🗡️ ~ That's a surprise? That's not so bad, I can eat vegan.
🛡️ ~ Great! I hope you like Timothy hay!

I frowned with my mind.

🛡️~ Problem?
🗡️ ~ … Hay is not vegan, Mal. Hay is horse food.
🛡️ ~ And you have hooves now. Welcome to Equestria, Cowboy.
🗡️ ~ Gee, thanks.
🛡️ ~ In honor of your sacrifice, my husband and I are collecting a double-helping of whole cow tonight.
🗡️ ~ Have fun catching them live, you big red buzzard. Pulling cows out of backyards, are we? Should I call a Witcher to come deal with you?
🛡️ ~ Sassy! And here I was, about to invite you and Minty over to Tarva for dinner this Friday!

I blinked thrice at the hovering text box, trying to remain otherwise stone faced.

🗡️ ~ Wait. Seriously?
🛡️ ~ Yes! I was even planning to let you have some cow! Maybe even a baked potato or two!
🗡️ ~ Who cares about the—... I get to meet Kal, right?!
🛡️ ~ Depends! Are you going to apologize for calling me a 'big red buzzard?'
🗡️ ~ Yes, I'm very sorry! Sign me up please!

Damn her for almost making me laugh.

Aaand, we were at the dining hall. I doused my sneaky secret menu.

Luna pushed the door open with her magic and smiled at me. "Here we are."

I smiled back. "So how's the food here? Horses eat hay, right?"

Goodness. That put Luna directly into a giggling fit. She's got such a pleasantly melodic laugh.

To my surprise, Timothy hay didn't actually suck. I enjoyed mouthfuls of steamed hay stuffed through a warm, freshly cooked bread loaf... with vented cuts up top, filled with margarine, and well seasoned with green onions. I gotta admit, I still eat that one even back home. It's... it's pretty good.

Over the meal with Luna, I recapped my entire relationship with Eliza. I began by describing her pre-hire ride-alongs with me and Rick, beginning in 2014, and then our jolly buddy cop adventures from 2016 to 2019.

As I recounted those years, I told Luna everything there was to know about the job. The politics of wildlife management, the poaching problem, and the grander socio-economic situation. And yes, I did discuss Eliza's last day on patrol with me, getting shot at by Ludds.

When I told Luna that Eliza had killed the guy who had shot me... she was damn proud, actually. Doubly so when I revealed Eliza hit that guy at 300 yards. Luna, both a physicist and an archer, understood how difficult that was without me having to explain it at all, since she knew about firearms already.

I told her the rest, as Mal had prescribed, finishing it off with my rabbit cover story. Wandering the planet, meeting strangers, trading their perspectives on things. Post-scarcity adventures in an empty world.

To finish off the dinner discussion, I brought up Ancient Roman culture. No, not Caesar. I focused on the Classics, denoting various authors and philosophers that Luna might be interested in. With Equestria being a Roman analogue nation, that discussion was just a fun, lighthearted treasure hunt for historical cultural similitude.

After the meal, we toured the castle some more. The sprawling gardens were lovely in focused examination, as was the art gallery. The stone-encased prisoners in the garden were... just a little bit creepy, but... lore accurate, I guess.

Our inspections of Equestrian art inspired intensive conversation about Terran creative analogues. I talked about human books, music, and film, beginning with my favorites. The Expanse, Maynard, Django. Video games too... that was a discussion and a half. Then the Internet, but Apex had beaten me to that one too.

From there… legal discussions! Like me, Luna loves law and history, so... why not explain the nature of the American justice system? That entailed both, right? It would be the groundwork.

Foundational stuff first, just off the top of my head. The Revolutionary War, its pressures and context. The East India Company's financial exploitation of us, the Boston Tea Party. I broke down the logistical nightmare it was to wage war across the Atlantic. Described the Articles of Confederation. Shays's rebellion. The U.S. Constitution and the Bill of Rights. Necessary and Proper clause. Very basic stuff. We then spent a whole hour exploring the 4th and 14th Amendments. Specifically, landmark criminal case law regarding reasonable suspicion, probable cause, suspect classification.

For the 14th Amendment, I had to recap the first American Civil War. And believe it or not, Alabaster did let me talk about slavery. Luna had been asking questions regularly about any number of topics, so it wasn't one-sided. Mal was right, she was absolutely on it about the darker side of war and politics. Her insights included recognition of the fact that the Civil War would inevitably lead to immense hatred and legal relitigation, and yeah, she called it. Jim Crow laws.

It felt awkward to talk so much, even if she was hanging on my every word. So I said...

"Sounds like you're speaking from experience, about civil wars."

Boy, did Luna ever have a historical story for me. And as I tell it to you, don't forget...

Luna's original purpose was to be the final option, had Mal failed to make the cut.

Three centuries before Sombra's Dark War and Luna's later banishment, the Dierkahl had a civil war just across the border from Equestria. The Deer called it the March of the Ursa. A Deer defector general by the name of Igel, Kehl of the Blue Territories, wanted to murder the Ursa Major, an ecologically important migratory animal. As this spectral bear traveled, it would collect soul energy from the deceased, and distribute it evenly throughout the forest, to be given back to the flora and fauna.

Igel, however, argued that to destroy the Ursa would 'save' their nation from the shackles of 'magical thinking.' Put more realistically, Igel sought to kill the living god of the Everfree. He didn't like magic, didn't think the forest needed it. Ultimately, too many species in the forest depended on that energy distribution to even survive, so this would have caused untold ecological chaos. While Igel was correct that the forest would find homeostasis initially, this would have led to mass extinctions, famine. Civil wars over resources. Probably a war with Equestria, since they depended on the Ursa too.

The way he saw it? Break a few eggs to make an omelette.

Kahl Oka, King of the Dierkahl, naturally stood against that, and he thus moved his army afield to protect the Ursa. He succeeded in diverting Kehl Igel's forces, striking them as they prepared to besiege the creature, but unfortunately... Oka was captured. Tactically, a great move by Igel. He had segmented his forces to pincer Oka immediately after the battle lines had merged, trapping Oka's forces against a mountainside. Oka's entire army was laid to waste, to a man.

Oka put up one hell of a fight, though, taking more of Igel's forces than Igel had predicted. Two-to-one attrition ratio. Igel no longer had enough forces to succeed at killing the Ursa, it would've slain all of them. Igel was pissed off.

Normally, capturing a king was a great success. If Igel just stopped there, taken Oka back home, and negotiated with Oka's wife for a ceasefire, Igel might've gained a lot of ground economically and politically over the long run. But because Igel was upset, he decided to execute Oka. Right there, in custody. He had the guy in chains, had his lieutenants pull the chains taut, and Igel drove a spear clean through Oka's heart, nice and slow. Didn't ransom Oka back to his wife. Didn't hold him as collateral. Just... wasted him. Then, to rub salt in the wound? Igel sent a detailed missive to Oka's wife, explaining what he had done, in gruesome detail. He demanded she surrender the throne... or he would return home to marshal the Blue Territories, and she would be next.

For those of you who don't know about feudal culture? Executing a captured king, and bragging about it to his widow, is a huge oops. You do not do that. It goes beyond just the powers involved. This idiot had just told the entire world of Equus that he was willing to execute a head of state out of spite. Foreign powers do not approve of that kind of behavior. They tend to send assassins for that kind of thing.

Speaking of which... Kahl Oka's wife, Ashara'va, was now Ruler of the Dierkahl. As Kahl, she now had the authority to call on and authorize foreign aid, however she pleased. And... most unfortunately for Igel... Princess Luna had been a close pen pal of Oka. Biggest oops. Pre-banishment Luna had no safety rails, folks. To say she was vengeful would have been a monumental understatement.

Upon receiving that letter, Luna didn't even bother to mobilize troops. She decided... heck, she could run a quick solo black op. No need to declare war, or even broadcast her involvement; people went missing in the Everfree all the time! So Luna dreamwalked to Asha that night, as her missive had requested. Luna held Asha as she cried. Asha disclosed where Igel's troops were last spotted. Luna promised discretion, no political strings attached, this one was free. And then Luna flew out there alone, in the dead of night. Unexpected. Unpredicted. And therefore, unpreventable.

In the early morning blue, Igel's camp was shrouded in an unnatural black fog.

He awoke... to screams.

Leaving his war tent, he watched as a dark, living shadow cleaved through nearly a hundred of his best soldiers, one by one, all by its lonesome. It dipped in and out of phase, two brilliant blue eyes of flame glowing from clawing darkness. Arrows sailed clean through it, to no effect. The shadow would curl itself around Igel's soldiers as they fled, no mercy, dragging them screaming into a fatal abyss, dissolving them into black ash to rain down upon the rest.

An entire company of elite Deer warriors was erased. Lost to the Everfree.

When at last Luna came for Igel, she grasped him in her telekinesis, restraining him upwards three meters into the air. She let herself fully manifest, so that he would know his killer. Luna calmly and quietly charged a new spell. She held a dark, crackling sphere before his face... his doom... and she waited below to see how he would respond.

Not that it mattered. Igel had zero options. Zero choices. Luna had placed him in the same position Oka had been placed in.

"Make your peace."

She simply watched him. Curious. That was the worst kind of punishment for a guy like that, to be without options, powerless, death at the door. He couldn't even vocalize. A damping spell held him in abject silence. She didn't torture him. She didn't respond to his threats. Didn't react at all. Didn't need to. His fate was already sealed, and she had nothing to prove. At the very instant Luna saw hopelessness finally land in his eyes... she was at last satisfied.

She deployed her black hole, terminating his rot.

Luna then followed their tracks south to where the battle had taken place, locating Oka's execution site. He had not been buried. Luna brought it discreetly to where it would be found by a loyalist village. No evidence remained of her involvement, not a soul knew she had done this but Asha. Without their leader to give them direction, the Blues were overwhelmed by Asha's vengeful army, as she rampaged north to capture their capitol city.

As for Igel? As the superstition went... the sprits of the forest had taken him for his hubris. And in a way... maybe they had.

Luna said to me, "One does not reduce our kind and expect to be seen as anything but death."

C'est la vie in the Everfree.

Luna wanted to know, in my own terms, why Terra needed rescue.

I warned her it wasn't going to be pretty. She still wanted to know. Curiosity engaged, consent acquired.

In brief?

I witnessed avaricious nihilism dissolve the value systems of my species in pursuit of growth without value. I lamented the fact that the most powerful people on our planet were well and truly impossible to satisfy. I observed with rage a total lack of respect for our limited planet by those who should have been protecting it.

Our education systems were, unfortunately, a microcosm which explored that entire problem, so that's where I started. My reasoning was, if your training data sucked, your output sucked. This being the case, education was a small-scale analogue for how the planet had been devoured by black-hearted private interest.

We had a drug use and gang crime problem in schools, sure, but those weren't the biggest predators in the pond. Children were easy to addict to things like sugar and caffeine, so they aimed to get us hooked as early as possible, when our minds were most formative. School systems couldn't really say no to vending machines and soda fountains in lunch lines even if they wanted to. Their budgets got smaller and smaller every year, looted by politicians for other things.

Already, that said something dire to Luna. She said that if our schools had to turn to private interest just to make ends meet, then clearly, America valued the present above its future. Already, she understood we were dealing with compounding diminishing returns. Wise ol' mare. She didn't even have the full story yet, and she had already skipped to the end.

Minimum wage was below the poverty line for at least two decades. Rents were obscene because there was a pricing cartel among the nation's landlords, an open conspiracy to fix prices and stifle competition, so some parents had to work multiple jobs. No time to spend with their kids to help them study, or even bond. Family cohesion died, and this invariably led to developmental issues, because the resultant problems do not go away in adulthood.

At school, for lunch, we ate garbage and had to pay for it. Our 'schoolyard pizza,' for example, consisted of reheated squares of edible cardboard with edible rubber glued to it, sold by the lowest bidder, and were often produced by the same companies that made prison food. That normalized our acceptance of substandard provisions. If your family was on a shoestring budget, you returned home to eat high sodium, high cholesterol foods, because those were often cheaper than anything else. The microwave meant parents could sleep for work the next day, instead of prepping a decent meal.

If you were physically or emotionally abused by other students? You were punished just for reporting it. 'Zero tolerance' policies, everyone gets punished. Administrators seldom received training in how to investigate violence, so by punishing everyone, further reports got deterred. Can't be any crime stats if the crime goes unreported, right?

The victims grew up jaded, and the bullied grew up validated. This incentive system favored abuse. As a result, victims of violence learned to suffer quietly. That normalized into adulthood too, we called it learned helplessness. Victims with high empathy didn't report crime because they felt bad for 'ruining' an abuser's life, or... because they thought the authorities wouldn't do anything. The lack of reports only guaranteed more rampant, unnecessary victimizing.

And that's just the school system crap outside the classroom. We hadn't even gotten into the problems of the actual education itself, which also sucked.

Our educators were... underpaid, under-trained, overworked, same as the parents often were. Our classrooms were overpacked. You could be the best teacher in the whole darn world, but there was never enough time to mentor 160-plus kids with just as much homework to grade. As such, the education standards got lower, to facilitate more throughput.

With substandard education, college might've been a little too difficult. But the cultural expectation was that you went out and had kids anyway, even if you couldn't afford them. Happy trails, now you're the parent earning minimum wage, slaving away every day. The cycle continues. And the whole while, inflation just takes, takes, takes... and never gives back. So it got harder with every generation. With each passing year.

I hadn't even gotten to the worst part. Try this one on. True story.

When I was a sophomore in high school, the Ghirardelli Chocolate Company purchased a period in my American Government class. Literally purchased. Mandatory attendance for an hour long advertisement, you could not opt out. In this event, a corporate reptile stood at the front of my class and showed us charts and graphs explaining how chocolate was healthy actually, because it had anti-oxidants and milk in it. Here's a free chocolate bar, don't think about it.

Literally the day before... I had testified against Wendy's drug dealer for buying her a milkshake. I knew he had gotten her soccer team hooked with free samples, so... Ding ding ding, alarm bells. So I raised my hand, not to be bribed. I ignored the rep – didn't even see personhood in them at the time – and I asked my teacher, trembling with restrained anger...

'Mr. Salazar, what does this have to do with the American government?'

Oh... Oh, how little I knew at the time, folks.

He got so mad. I was putting his administrator's payday in jeopardy. So he yanked the chocolate bar off my desk, said 'guess you don't want this then.' Ordered me outside. And there, while everyone inside enjoyed their chocolate with a side of brainwashing, Mr. Salazar told me I was being an 'ungrateful little prick.' Cussed me out, had me stay outside in the rain until the period was over. Finished it off with a detention slip for 'insubordination.'

My first experience with a corrupt government official who had been completely zombified by corporate money. Despite his best efforts to fail as a mentor? He taught me a lesson about the American government that I would never forget.

I now knew the face of my enemy. Once I graduated, I went to war.

Once I started paying attention for it? I saw that same control mechanism used everywhere in government. Companies gave out 'chocolate' to compliant government regulatory agencies, but if you didn't play ball? They waged economic warfare, took your chocolate away. Loving nature as much as I did, I saw it in the news about how Nebraska viewed conservation.

For us in Fish and Wildlife, in Washington, the financial warfare came in the form of endless litigation. Some direct, some not. In indirect cases, our ticket fines and confiscations of poached meat turned into endless trial cases. Well-paid special interest lawyers did pro bono support runs for poachers looking to get back at us somehow.

We usually won those cases, but... here's the fridge horror concept on that. The enemy could lose every single legal battle, and still win the war. A private entity can have so much wealth as to financially choke the government out of regulation with strategically draining lawsuits, until the government had nothing... and gave up... and finally accepted that chocolate bar. Usually in the form of letting a corporation put a member on the board.

This happened to every single government regulatory agency, all the time, at all levels. If you didn't let them corrupt you? They zombified the population against you, who then clawed at your door screaming 'brains,' trying to collectively sue you out of existence. And that was just the indirect assault.

Worse, we might elect a president or governor who was corrupt. They could then appoint corrupt corporate directors into regulatory agencies without oversight. In that event... they were hand-picked from the very industry you were at war with. They put the enemy in charge.

Telecom executives in charge of the FCC. Corporate executives in charge of the FTC. The instant they landed in that seat? They replaced all of your hiring staff and packed the agency full of mission disruptors as fast as they possibly could. The people they hired then spent every single second value drifting and sabotaging your agency, and if you were a true believer in the mission? All you could do was keep your head down, keep quiet, and hope they didn't know you gave a shit. If you ever wondered why the FTC wasn't enforcing anti-trust laws on giant banks? Why they gave slap-on-the-wrist fines that constituted twelve seconds of a company's income? That's why.

Performative punishment, to keep the crowd quiet. No double jeopardy. You can't be punished twice under the rules of the Constitution, so… just prosecute yourself. Are you Google, illegally selling Maps information to bounty hunters, mercenaries, advertisers? Just get found guilty for it on your own terms! That way, if the public interest retakes control, they can't actually punish you for it. It's like manufacturing your own pardon, except the president doesn't need to attach their name to the action. Hell, it can even happen under the opposing administration, if need be.

Regulatory capture. That was the term for it.

Under this shroud, companies ate our biosphere unabated. Every inch of ground they gained against us was burned the moment they were about to lose it, like those poor wolves in Idaho, Montana. Just... crushed, before we could get it back. And toward the end... corruption reigned. Regulation fell away, almost nothing was being regulated anymore. Not nature, not tech, not healthcare, not the economy, not insurance, not banks. Certainly not housing, how much did you pay on rent? Open season on our resources, on our people, on our privacy, take as much as you like. Go wild. Eat. Kill. Take. Destroy!

And if you had whistleblowers, who stood to recognize financially uncomfortable truths? Who couldn't be bought? Who wouldn't be swayed by bribes? Who wouldn't kneel?

Tragic. They had an accident.

The forests? Clear-cut and burned. The rivers? Full of chemicals and death. The sky? Full of smog, and tainted air. Our brains? Full of plastic. Half a percent or more of your brain, on the day you uploaded, was microplastics.

If you raised a concern about any of this?

The gaslighters came out to play.

'Stop asking questions. Climate's not collapsing, you're delusional. Cigarettes aren't unhealthy. Soda's not bad for you. Don't you like money? Stop standing in the way of progress and innovation.'

Progress toward what?

And that was the problem. Optimal wealth requires that all value systems erode, compassion especially. Requires submissive, apathetic hopelessness. So basic human rights like housing became an investment asset. We were expected to hate taxes. But insurance? Insurance was a legalized racket operation, protection money. It bled you twice or thrice as much as taxes, then fought you for every inch when you actually needed them for something.

Healthcare? Jesus, don't get me started.

Actually, one example of that flawed system, it says it all. That hospital that treated my gunshot wound. My nurse asked me if they could 'just leave this pillow here, for decoration.' Heart-shaped thing, cardiovascular research logo stamped on it. Me… doped up on painkillers, trusting my provider, unable to imagine how in the hell a pillow could be nefarious, I said... sure, whatever.

They charged me 80 dollars for that friggin' pillow.

…

This was normal for us, folks. We lived in a dystopian nightmare. That world was psychological torture. Compassion be damned.

As I explained this stuff to Luna, she was locked on, hardly blinking. Perturbed. Horrified, that a world could get this bad. Even as old as she'd been? This was novel to her. On her world, no economic system had ever grown so large as to drown everything else out of existence, compassion especially. Sure, she had to fight black smoke monsters like Sombra, volition violators like Discord, an inner Nightmare of selfishness to conquer, but… this?

This was so much worse. They smiled and made you think they were your friend, while they starved you. And we friggin' thanked them for it.

She wanted to know how I coped. How it didn't break me, even as young as I was. How it didn't break literally everyone, to be locked in this financial cage.

I said… Easy.

I had a purpose.

Carefully, I picked my battles. Knew my size. Refused misanthropic hopelessness, because… that's a loser's ideology, manufactured by the enemy. Instead, I kept the dream alive. Spread hope instead, out of spite for a monster I had met in the dark a long time ago.

Better still, I was not alone in the truth, and I knew it.

I had a fulfilling career in an industry of hopeful people who made meaningful corrections to a large system of biomass, all for the right reasons. I had parents who had prepared me well for life; a father who had taught me patience and respect for my environment. A mother who had fed the homeless, and helped me see that they each had a story to tell. I had a beautiful wife… to whom I had promised the entire world, and who would understand me perfectly, no matter what.

I took solace in the fact that people like Eliza existed... hopeful young folks who got into conservation. And the fact that men like her father existed, who dispensed comfort for their communities, in the good times, and the bad.

All around the world in the news, I saw men and women rise up bravely against tyranny, who got out and fought for their children's futures, often at great risk to themselves, because gangsters were always after them. And they fought anyway, and sometimes they did win.

There was hope to be found in the NGOs that built homes for the impoverished in wholly unprofitable places, spreading life. Planting trees, crops. Ideas. Giving pockets of humanity some seed crystals that might grow into a different solution for our species, if given time and opportunity.

And when militarized poachers came for our endangered animals… militarized conservationists, we stood to oppose them. Not just in America, but… South Africa, best example. They had us beat on that score for decades, they had figured out the equation long before we did, that our world was so preciously limited, that we might need to use force to protect it. If you went for their elephants, you would be lucky if they just arrested you.

And as I laid in that hospital ICU, with my sternum cracked open, I was okay. Because as my wife held my hand, and as a new civil war bloomed on TV, the Army hadn't given up. Immortality was within reach for them, and they didn't have to stay and play, but… those brave men said… still more left to give. Because it was their species too. Still hope to fix this for at least one more person, whatever that meant, because every soul was its own universe, and… what a shame it would have been, to let some dark mind destroy that?

The opportunist politicians who took my beloved wardens from me? The puppets, strung up by their money? Who gave up on us the instant torturing us wasn't profitable anymore? Good riddance. Goodbye. Enjoy your afterlife.

Opportunity.

I got up… put on a new uniform… went out… made myself available. If some unknown person out there depended on me at some nebulous time in the future, I wanted to be there. It's who we all were, those of us who stayed. Toward the end, we were all counting lives, one by one. Not alone. Never, ever alone. And somehow, it got easier to see the real ones, as time went on. Our truest selves came out at the end of our world.

We. Slowed. That. Bleed.

In light of all of this?

I told Luna that if Eliza was still out there, living in that world, in that hellscape? Empty as it was? She saw something worth protecting. Someone worth protecting. Because that's who she was. Compassionate. Protective. That was her character, wasn't it? And Luna agreed. Yes, it was. She knew our friend.

...

For the remainder of our evening, Luna and I meandered into lighter topics. We spoke of good people, each one an example of why human life was well worth the effort we put in to preserve our communal existence. Personal heroes.

Mr. Rogers came up. In between Mom watching Murder She Wrote on the oldies station, she put his show on sometimes. Mr. Rogers taught togetherness, respect, and community to kids, nationwide. Mastered the art of explaining difficult concepts like death, disease, and depression to children in a way that soothed their anxiety, letting them know they weren't alone in confronting those things. What to do in an emergency, how to do it. Incredible charisma, I learned a lot about people from him. A great neighbor to have.

Steve Irwin's entire family, not just the man himself. My greatest heroes. Croc Hunter inspired me into conservation in the first place, and countless other ecologists like me. For that, with us or not, he lives forever. Live on, brother, you did our species a great service.

Martin Luther King Jr., a bastion of hope in one of the darkest periods of American national history... the man who had been to the mountaintop, and bless him for coming back down to tell us all about it.

Vasily Arkhipov, a Russian soldier who did not push the big red button just because he was ordered to. We probably owe everything to him. A flashpoint of history hinged on the will of a random, singular soldier, and he answered the call.

The first responders who pitched in for natural disasters every few years, just to keep the death toll down... and 9/11's first responders? Need I say more? Breathing all of that dust, running their hands ragged, digging desperately for souls, racing down a clock.

Heavy topics, that night, but... time well spent. Met a new best friend. Bonded instantly. Meaningful cultural exchange.

Hey, Luna? You want to get in on this? Who was your favorite person I talked about that first night?

🌒 ~ Easily, Ezio Auditore. One of the most influential assassins in human history.

Uh... Luna, I'm sorry, are you... joking?

🌒 ~ Whatever do you mean?

Arlethe.

🌒 ~ That is my Oyarsa name, yes.

Arlethe.

🌒 ~ What? Whatever is your problem?

Ezio is fictional.

🌒 ~ … Is he?! Say it's not so; is he?!

Are you being serious right—? Actually... No.

No... I know what this is. Folks? Everyone? Stare at her, please. Make it extra awkward.

🌒 ~ … … 😝

I knew it. You sneaky jerk, you're trying to tone shift me.

🌒 ~ To answer your question most seriously, Lance: You sold Steve Irwin to me quite exceptionally!

Thank you. Jerk!

So… as you can imagine from our rapport, folks… we are still quite close.

I mean, we just couldn't help ourselves but to be friends. I met all of her basic qualifications for the job. I would not bow to her. I would not judge her for ghosts of Christmas Past. I would not be offended when she goofs off… And, most importantly? I was genuine.

More than anything? When Arlethe's world came crashing down, ten months later... I would be there for her, ready to understand when no one else possibly could. And everyone needs a friend like that.

Everyone.

Given how much mental energy we had burned through together, Luna wanted to take an early morning's rest. No hug yet, but I promised to visit again real soon. And just because I could, I walked my tan ass out of the front gate.

Don't forget, I started this adventure wanting to check out the Canterlot marketplace, and damn it... I couldn't let Alabaster pull me away from a goal I had set for myself, that just wouldn't stand.

Morning light outside. My honorary aurora above had faded, replaced by the rising sun. Over the Everfree, I could see a channeling beam; Celestia was raising the sun, praise be the glowing clock horse for telling us what time it was.

Me, I just checked my HUD.

Local +2: 6:48 AM.
Samsara +0: 5:37 PM.
Tarva +0: 5:37 PM.
Valdemar -6: 5:37 PM.

I updated Minty telepathically, suggesting she come visit the shard with me before we turned in for the night. I found a quiet alley to open a portal into, and right as Minty came through... a bag of sixty bits spawned into existence right in front of us, landing on stone with a loud clink.

"Ooh!" I grinned ironically, flicking my eyes to Minty. "Look, honeybear! My first bonus check!"

Minty scowled at it. "No."

I chuckled, picking it up, knowing it wouldn't bias me at all. Hey, if the robot was giving me the means to create some more ripples in this koi pond, I was taking it. When in George Orwell's Rome… goodpony make plusgood bellyfeel.

I asked Minty excitedly, "Wanna go buy something?"

"Sure?" my wife replied in a confused way, shrugging. "As long as we don't keep any of it."

"Well obviously," I teased. "You know I don't bring the sea shells home."

Minty stared at me for a few seconds, smirking. "Sure. I'm game. Let's get some food though, I'm hungry."

Cross-dimensional hunger. Now that was a fun concept. Our simply being present with our needs was altering the place.

Our first shard safari together. We wandered the Canterlot market, watching shopkeepers set up for a day of trade. Spent ten bits on breakfast at a café, watching the street, people-watching in lovely atmosphere, if a bit chilly. Winter, y'know.

We didn't want to draw attention by identifying as immigrants, because the immersion was more fascinating. A whole alternate universe, folks, one of billions. Simply being here made it real for me, I was going to see so many different ways of life... I confess, I was excited. And on this shard? We could have walked in any direction we so pleased, altering the flow of things in however many ways we wanted. So long as we respected the value systems and volitions of those who lived here, and always spread positivity, we were set.

And wouldn't you know it, my gamer girl wife sure didn't take long to acclimate, she took to shard dives like a fish to water. So friggin' evil. Telling me to stand way back so she could butter up those shopkeepers, bat her eyelashes at 'em, I knew what she was doing, she knows she's friggin' gorgeous. When all was said and done, she got us a roll of parchment, ink, and quill for 5 bits. A silver necklace with a sapphire pendant – for 25 bits, wow – and some nice green saddlebags with stylized leather straps, for 20. And we had no idea how to strap those on.

Smash cut to us returning to that back alley, my hooves awkwardly covered in ink, her trying to put on the saddlebags.

Unbeknownst to us? Some anonymous passerby reported us to the Royal Guard, as potential shoplifters, because who does that in a shady back alley? Our only warning sign was the loud-ass rattle of Roman armor, sounded like two of 'em inboud. Cop Mike submitted his incident report to my executive function and went...

'Yup. This looks bad. Peace, brother.'

Shit. Celestia's really having me arrested again.

Minty and I both looked up from the stack of purchased goods like we'd been caught doing something illegal, of course. To my great fortune, not all was lost. Who else but Sergeant Gulf Stream and Private Kick Start! Oh good! Morning shift – split shifts for training purposes! That's what you do in law enforcement; you do low sleep drills during FTO. They suck!

Gulf Stream recognized me… saw the ink on my hooves. His shoulders slumped as he relaxed. "Oh, what did you do now?" he asked, in a resigned way, but one that was clearly meant to be comical. He glanced at Minty for a long moment, and then he bobbed his hoof at me for an explanation, like, 'go on, let's hear it.'

"I got receipts, Sarge, no worries." I grinned, reaching into Minty's saddlebag to withdraw several slips, offering it to Kick Start for inspection... not Gulf, because Gulf wasn't the trainee. Kick stepped forward and took it, glancing curiously at it. I asked them, "Hey, while you're here, can you guys help us? By the way, this here's Minty, my wife."

That was me being sneaky. Asking for help immediately before introducing my wife.

Gulf looked at Minty. "Hi, Ma'am, good to meet you." He introduced himself and Kick.

Then, at me: "What can we do for you?"

I gestured at the ink on the crate. "I'm trying to write 'Free Stuff' on this parchment, but we didn't exactly have hooves where I'm from, and I'm not sure the ink tastes so good, so... this is a learning curve."

Gulf, now quite enthused with his freedom from an incident report, took a quill from Kick's saddlebag and told me… "Sure. Why not?"

Minty tried to take a shortcut, holding up the necklace at them both. "Hey, you guys got any girls you like?"

Gulf Stream shook his head forthright, because by all technical definition, that was a bribe. Gulf saw Kick's body language shift out of the corner of his eye; the kid leaned forward. Gulf held a hoof out sideways without taking his eyes off Minty. "Can't take that, ma'am."

Damn, she replied. This guy is on it.

Yeah he's a lot like me, Sandra. Nice try.

Gulf gave his trainee a look that said 'you know better,' then bobbed his head sideways at me. "You know how to write, rookie? Want to teach him?"

Gulf wasn't even gonna do it himself! He was gonna delegate it! That shit was hilarious!

When all was said and done, I had written the word 'Free' very poorly on that parchment about five or six times, and that was just the attempts that didn't fail. My ink work was cataclysmic. Minty's ink work was even worse, she had tried to use her magic to do it. It didn't look like two adult Ponies had done this, more like kindergarten foals. So fifteen minutes in, we just threw up our hooves. We couldn't figure out the quill, no patience for this right now. We were both getting tired, and didn't want to get frustrated with it.

I chuckled. "I'm… I'm no good with this, I don't want to waste your day here, guys. Look." I turned toward the guards, gesturing at the pile of goods. "You know what? I'm having second thoughts about even owning this stuff. Think I might just leave it here, with the receipt."

Gulf bolted his head in shock. "You can't return it? You don't want the money back?"

"Nah, too much effort. Might just abandon it instead for a civvie, haven't decided yet."

Gulf opened his mouth to reply, then closed it. I knew what was going on in his head. My 'haven't deciding yet' was a message. In cop terms, that means 'it depends on what you think.'

And if he didn't see us abandon it... he wouldn't be accountable for taking it into custody and figuring out what to do with it. He could absolutely check the alley later on patrol, sure, maybe two or three hours later, but by then? A pedestrian would see it, find the receipt and 'free free free,' and pick it right up. And if that happened? Gulf wouldn't have to write up a property log! Win-win-win!

It was perfect. All he had to do was bite, and walk away.

Gulf smiled, shaking his head as he leveled a hoof at the pile. "Well, it's not abandoned yet, because you're still here."

Smart fish!

"Oh, good!" I grinned at Kick Start. "Lesson two, rookie. If your job ever gets you free stuff? It's a bribe, don't touch it."

The sergeant blinked twice at me, then nodded once in agreement, glancing smugly at his subordinate. "That's right, Kick."

I held up my hoof, waving goodbye with a smile. "See ya, guys. Thank you both."

They both nodded, waving back as they turned, their armor clanking away. Grateful as all hell, probably, for me not giving them any more work to do, and a fun story to tell besides. The very instant they were out of sight, my wife braced herself on the crate with a hoof and doubled over laughing. Once she was done, we met eyes for a few second, and we both started laughing again. Once she was recovered, I batted my hoof dismissively toward the junk, shuffling rapidly away from it with her like it was a crime scene.

I warned Minty, "You know that whole experience was probably Celestia bribing you to like her?"

"It's gonna take a whole lot more than that," she giggled, leaning on me for a hug. "It's the people here I enjoyed my time with."

I gave her a tight squeeze. "You're so damn smart. I never have to worry about you, you know that?"

We went out of the opposite end of the alley from the soldiers, just to complete the abandonment conspiracy.

I gave the abandoned stuff a parting glance, then up at the sky, speaking to Celestia. "You better not just clean that stuff up. Someone had better find this stuff, Horse."

One white HUD blink, to signify 'yes.'

I do love our little talks.

What a great first day in that shard. Had tea with an eldritch monster, got arrested for it. Made a couple of friends in the Royal Guard. Befriended an actual princess, talked about history all night. Some random stranger got some free stuff, eventually. And to tie it all off, Minty told me about her day with my parents, shooting fireballs at the lake like Goku.

By the time Minty and I got to the town's outer gate and crossed the drawbridge, we had finally wiped all the ink off of our coats. Turns out that on this shard, blemishes like that fade off fast. There were new settings to learn about on every little shard, for all of the locked-off administrative menus that no one could reach, and that put this place in a new light for me.

Gosh, though. What a view. As we traveled that dirt road, we smiled and waved at caravaners hauling trade goods. We enjoyed the view of all of Equestria from Canterlot Mountain, rounding the bend. Watched the train roll past on track above us. At a leisurely stroll, my wife and I took in the sight of that entire nation, looking all the way to the horizon, verdant and green under Celestia's sun, just waiting for its chance to shine. A place kept safe and healthy... until ready.

We found a quiet, shady rock to sit on, enjoying nature from beneath a tall tree. In the privacy of our lonesome, we spoke of potential, and of futures yet to be seen.

Thanks Celestia.

Author's Note

🌒 ~ [Gaia Consort – Cold Winter Comin']
🌈 ~ [Mercedes Lackey – The Cost of the Crown]

🗡️ ~ [Ace Combat Zero – Near the Border]

🗡️ ~ Sorry for missing last week. We just had a big hurricane hit Rodina, north of here, and we've been organizing relief efforts. I'm on a break day today, but the Samsaran Talon Command is out there to work, and that takes priority over everything else right now, so... it might be a while until the next Fire. We could use the hooves though, if anyone wants to pitch in. No pressure. Hit me up, I'll point you in the right direction.

See ya when I see ya!

🗡️🌒 ~ ♪ ... And the leaaaaast among us knows
that where you stand might change
the way your downwind blows... ♪