Author's Note

Hey welcome, Im back and I know its been a while but school sucks so you know.
but the new chapter is here so please enjoy.

will edit this and make it better and at that point I might unsubmit the chapter then resubmit so sorry if I take the chapter down for a small bit.

73 questions to ask a human

Ok, so first I wake up in some random house, with a bunch of fucking wild animals all looking at me from around the bed I had been sleeping on. And, well, this scares the fuck out of me. I mean, if you wake up in a random bed and you see a goddamn bear looking at you from the corner, you aren't running out of that room?

But of course it wasn't that easy, as when I left the room, I saw three small, horse-looking things. One purple, one yellow, and one green—well, the yellow one could have been cream in color? Whatever, it doesn't matter; what does is that now I am locked in what seemed to be a bathroom with a green horse, who had jumped on me like a fucking cat trying to catch a mouse.

"What!? Let me go, What even are you?!" I said, trying to break free from the hold of this green horse.

The horse thing smiles as it puts its hoof up to my mouth and says, "I will be asking the questions here; also, for what I am, I'm an anthropologist." she said, shushing me.

"What!? That answers nothing?!" But it just ignores me and continues on its tirade, its hooves digging into my chest, threatening to crush a rib. Also, something else that's concerning is the fact that I feel something invisible forcing my hands and legs to the floor. Its horn glows, and a couple of bags are sat next to it on the floor. With a swish of its horn, a notepad and a pencil are levitated out of the bag and are left floating in front of the horse's face. It smiles at me with the stare of a predator about to eat its prey. I gulp down air as I am literally at this thing's mercy.

I could hear knocking and yelling on the other side of the door, but for some reason, as the door would be enveloped in a green glow, the noise from the other side would quiet down. It would look at the door as it was enveloped by this energy and yell, "Twilight, stop yelling; I am in the middle of an interview. Also, I told you I was good at magic; you always seem to forget I went to the same school you did!" It would scoff at the apparent attempts to yell back with a response, but the voices just dimmed even more as the door would be illuminated with what I could only describe as magic. Then, the thing turned its attention back towards me. It’d gasp as the weird stuff on my hands would lift them both into the air.

She would look at my hands with wide eyes, as though they were the most beautiful thing she had ever seen, and she would twist and turn them uneasily, as though she had studied to be the most excruciating chiropractor in the world. I tried to tell her to stop, but the sparkly stuff always made me keep my mouth shut. For what seemed like ten minutes, I just sat there and watched her practically caress my hands while the slight vibrations coming from the bathroom door kept strong. I could hear the green horse cackle slightly as she began to speak.

"So, these are hands?" She would say as her hot breath blew into my hands, making me shiver with discomfort. I could feel my mouth loosening as she either gave me a chance to speak or was distracted by my hands.

"Um, yes? Listen can you please let me g-" I would be cut off as I am forced to shut up again.

"Huh..." she would say as she licked her lips, which was my breaking point. I finally lost my shit and screamed as loudly as I could. I struggled to rock myself back and forth enough to get her off of me. But eventually a loud as hell bang could be heard from the door causing the mint horse to jump and slip and fall off of me.

"Twilight! Are you trying to give me a heart attack!? I'm trying to conduct some serious experiments in here, like, why are you the only one allowed to experiment on ponies!?" The only response was another bang on the door, which caused the door hinge to make a whining noise as if it were in agony. This surprised the horse, and with a swish of its horn, it appears to have attempted to keep the door closed with that sparkly stuff.

BANG
BANG
BANG

In a burst of pink and purple, the door cracked and flew at her, knocking her out. The yellow and purple horses approach the mint one to see if everything is okay, or so I believe, but I didn't think about it since I just knew I needed to go, so I take the risk and ran. So, with my newfound freedom, I stand up and haul my ass out of the cottage, and as I do, I try to cope with the fact that horses can now apparently talk, as well as the fact that I'm the only survivor of a plane crash in a place I don't know, and as far as I can tell, I am fucked. So you could imagine my relief as I see a village in the distance.

I run like the wind, dodging falling tree branches and other hazards, the pain from the crash fading as adrenaline takes over. I cast a quick glance behind me and immediately regret it, as I see the mint horse chasing me and gradually catching up, I quickly face forward and focus on speeding up, my eyes wide with fear.

"HUMAN! COME BACK! I WILL NOT MISS THIS OPPORTUNITY!" I hear the creature yell from behind me, which scares me even more, giving me tunnel vision of the town I'm fleeing to, but as I try to speed up, I lose my balance and land on my chest. Rolling on my back, I prepare to attack as I watch the mint pony slowly walk towards me, then stop and just stand there menacingly.

I quickly notice that it is quietly muttering to itself in an unintelligible sound, similar to a quiet sqeek. I just stare, hoping to stand my ground. Perhaps I should try to make myself appear bigger? That's what they say you should do with animals like this, right? But soon my prayers would be answered as a flash of purple light would appear in front of as the purple unicorn thing was now in front of me holding its hoof up blocking me from my attacker.

"Lyra, you need to stop! As the Princess of Friendship, I cannot in my right mind allow you to continue acting like this!" As soon as I hear the words "princess of friendship," I become confused. But it's good to know the name of my attacker now, but if what's being said is true, am I technically being saved by royalty? Guess it's best to wait and see.

"No Twilight, finally I can show that my lifelong obsession isn't pointless! I need to learn more about him" Lyra had said. Twilight would sigh and reply.

"What if I helped you interview him? But you have to follow the conditions of doing it inside, allowing the human to stop the interview, and not continuing the interview as you were before, deal?"

"Okay, fine" Lyra said, and then she hurried to the cottage, where I could make out the yellow pony watching us from a distance. After they had both gone inside, thanks to the yellow pony who by the looks of it stated demanding Lyra go inside, and with a stare Lyra ran inside. Then that's when the pony who I know knew was named twilight, Strange name but I decided not to question it.

"You okay?" I heard Twilight say with a sigh.

"Um, Yeah? Mind telling me what that was all about?" I said with clear confusion of the situation I have landed in, causing Twilight to blink then immediately bow down and apologize.

"Oh my Celestia! I need to apologize for her behavior!" After she bowed she got back up and said, "I will explain everything on the way back to the cottage.

"Um okay, I'm not getting trapped in a bathroom again am I?" I say, with a fake chuckle.

"Oh goodness no, heh..." A moment of awkward silence would pass. "Let me just explain on our way back, yeah?"

"Sure, I don't mind as long as I figure out what the fuck is happening." Twilight flinched when she heard my curse word; I would keep this in mind for the future.

Twilight explained to me that the Lyra pony was obsessed with humans because our species was apparently a myth in this world. Which I found strange because unicorns were also considered myths where I came from, and I'm not sure if Lyra was even a unicorn; just because they look like something doesn't mean they're called that. I should probably ask.

"Yes?" Twilight looked ahead, her thoughts seemingly elsewhere.

"Lyra is a unicorn correct?" Twilight looked at me in confusion as I said this.

"Yes? Wait, you came from that metal bird thing right?" Twilight spoke with a strange sense of urgency that I hadn't noticed from her before.

My eyes lit up with excitement, and I responded. "Yes, how did you know that?"

"It fell from the sky and exploded on impact with the ground. But that is beside the point; if you came from the metal, you know where it came from. Are there no unicorns where you're from? Twilight spoke quickly, making it difficult to understand what she was saying.

"Nope, where I come from, unicorns and Pegasi and stuff like that are myths, kinda like how humans are here, like you said." As I said this Twilight used magic to summon a clip board and a quill, and with a few quick strokes of the utensil, the clip board vanished.

I would just look on in amazment as I had never seen anything like it before.

"What?" Twilight would ask.

"What was that?" I would say in both amazement and confusion.

Twilight appeared to nearly pass out when she heard what I had to say. As if what I said was the last thing she would ever think I would say.

"YOU DON'T HAVE MAGIC?!?!" One hair would stand out from the rest of her well-combed hair, and she would snap, her eyes twitching. Which made me jump back in terror. This seemed to shake her out of it, and she began to take deep breaths, She would proceed now that she was much calmer. "Let's go inside shall we?"

I suggest you listen to this for this part.
https://youtu.be/_YMBoDcdRd4?feature=shared

As we entered the cottage, I noticed the yellow mare Twilight had said was named Fluttershy looking sternly at something else; that something appeared to be Lyra, who was on the sofa practically vibrating with the power of a split atom. Lyra attempted to stand when she saw me, but Twilight stopped her and began speaking.

"Remember our deal, you will interview him on his terms okay?" Twilight would say with a stern look.

I just looked at them with caution, but really I just wanted to get this over with. Lyra would nod, with what looked like a non-fake agreement, and stand up with an excited smile as she began speaking.

"I have waited a long time for this!" Lyra would say with a giggle.

"Twilight, will you please get me a whiteboard and marker?" Twilight rolled her eyes as Lyra spoke, and with a swish, a large whiteboard appeared. Lyra would scribble on it while mumbling to herself; when she was finished, the board appeared to have a list of questions about human culture, biology, and, of course, magic; there was also a Venn diagram labeled ponies vs humans. I looked forward in shock, still attempting to mentally prepare for what was about to occur.

"Okay to begin my presentation I have to acknowledge the elephant in the room and say..." she would quickly look over at twilight who was eyeing her with a stern look. "Sorry, I must say sorry, Mr. um...? What is your name, human?"

"Liam" I answered.

I then heard Lyra Squeak and under her breath "Oh my Celestia, a real human name!" Then continue with what she had been trying to say before.

"Well, I must say sorry Mr. Liam, because of my actions I may have caused some little problems." She would say with a forced smile, and seeing as it was not helping the awkward tension, she just moved on.

"But there is something you must know about me, and that is that human beings fascinate me, fingers, toes, their tiny noses, brownish hair, and tannish skin. I mean, would it be too much to ask to see the world they're living in? and even though everybody tells me that it's old and fake mythology, I refuse to not try and solve the mystery that I have studied for all my life, that being the study of anthropology! And I am born with the rights to study whatever I please, and with that, I think it's been long enough. Let's get along with the interview, shall we?"

At this point I had sat down and Twilight and Fluttershy were drinking tea while listening to the ponies ramblings, though I have to give it to Lyra she knows what she wants that's for sure. I would nod at Lyra who in turn nodded at me.

"okay, so first what do Humans eat? like y'all eat plants like us or...?" Lyra said starting things off. I was kinda confused why that was her first question but its whatever.

"Um, humans are actually omnivores, meaning they eat meat and plants, though some humans choose to only eat veggies or non-animal products for several reasons." With that Lyra would check of her list, and write in the Venn diagram.

"Next is do humans Have magic?" This time Twilight would answer with no and explain that we had talked on the way in, Lyra nodded but was clearly irritated that she could not hear my answer but she excepted it non the less.

"Do humans only have one language?" To this I would answer no and explain that humans where I come from live in several different places and that different kinds of humans have lived and grown up with different languages. Lyra listened intently and wrote down what I said word for word.

"Do humans communicate with animals or help them with getting ready for waking up from hibernation?" I sat there and confused and stared blankly but eventually said no.

"What? Then how do the animals and stuff live, what's next the weather moves on its own where you are?" she would say with a chuckle but I just stared blankly.

"Wait, where you come from, the weather does move on its own?!" Twilight stood up with wide eyes, and without saying anything, she summoned three clipboards and flipped the whiteboard over to use the other side.

"Okay, sorry Lyra but I need to calculate this." And before anyone could react, the clipboards and whiteboards were already brimming with weather equations and other advanced concepts that I couldn't comprehend.

"Okay, so what your saying is that where you come from the weather does its job on its own without any outside force or action?" With that, I responded yes. Twilight's eye twitched as she quickly began erasing and redoing equations on the clipboard and dry erase board while continuing speaking.

"Uh huh, so where you come from, the thing I've been trying to do with magic for weeks and weeks without sleep, every painstaking hour of research, and every book from Star Swirl the Bearded's work that I studied for this very thing that I've been unable to do for little more than a month has all been for nothing! as where you come from, the weather not only works by itself, as it does in the Everfree forest, but it also works without the use of magic!?" As she finished her rambling, she slammed the marker that had been in her magic into the Whiteboard while slowly turning her head at me with a disturbed expression and her hair in all sorts of wack.

"Liam, do you know how much power it would take to pull something like that off without using magic and still having the weather to do its thing, to even move a moderately sized group of altocumulus clouds?" Twilight would pick up the marker and write a small equation before continuing to speak.

"It would take 10-50 megatons of TNT, which is equivalent to..." And with the marker slightly shaking as she began writing it, the marker slowly gliding across the surface as it wrote the answer, "2.092 x 10+17 joules." When Twilight looked at her conclusion and all the millions of numbers and concepts she had written down, I'm pretty sure she broke, as Fluttershy had to quickly force her to sit down and drink some water.

"She will be fine, this kinda just happens sometimes stress I guess." Fluttershy would say with a shy smile. Lyra who at this point was sitting on the couch holding a pillow up while hiding behind it in fear.

"Remind me never to be alone in the same room as Twilight." Lyra said, causing Twilight to start feeling bad about her behavior; still, she just sat with Fluttershy, taking deep breaths.

"Okay well Im going to continue where I left off." Lyra said standing back up and using magic flipping the board back to her side.

"But I am curious, if it takes so much power to move the clouds, how do they move where your from?"

"Um, the wind." Immediately Twilight was up staring me down.

"The WIND?!" Fluttershy quickly got Twilight again and Lyra continued with her interview.

And the interview continued from there. I tried my hardest to answer each question, which led to a long night of explaining what Christmas is and the different types of wars we as humans have fought; I avoided mentioning a lot of the really bad stuff so as not to scare anyone. We discussed the differences in our various myths and legends; I even explained some of our technology, as well as our government and hierarchy, and while I tried my hardest to answer everything, everything I said was probably heavily simplified, as my simple monkey brain is too smooth to understand complex shit like every branch of government and each one's job or something. And then everything came to an end, and Twilight and Lyra left, saying something about exploring the metal crash site tomorrow. Fluttershy offered to let me stay on the couch, so I agreed and passed out, hoping to return home.

END CHAPTER