I’m Sick of Meaning, I Just Want to Hold You
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I’m Sick of Meaning, I Just Want to Hold You
“Just look at them.” Rainbow Dash grunted in disgust, slouching further in her seat and folding her forelegs across her chest.
Across from them, illuminated by the glowing lights that hung above were Twilight and Rarity.
The two giggled, Rarity doing a small bow to lead off. Twilight rolled her eyes and returned the gesture, and the two drew closer together. As a chorus of symphonic instruments flooded the room, they seized the other’s hoof and began to dance.
Rainbow watched their synchronized motions and gave an exaggerated groan. “Look at them! What are they doing, AJ?”
“Dancin’, looks like,” Applejack replied evenly.
“Dancing. What even is dancing,” Rainbow grunted. “They’re just… they’re just throwing their bodies around.”
“Yup, sounds right,” Applejack said idly.
Rainbow waved her hoof in their direction. “It’s just… it’s a waste! You know?”
“Nope.”
“Like, they could be doing literally anything else, and they’re not!” Rainbow huffed, raising her bottle to her lips.
“It’s a party. What do you want ‘em to do?” Applejack groaned. “Y’know what, forget it. When are you gonna actually go and talk to ‘em?”
Rainbow shuddered, eyes going wide as she started coughing violently. It took several slaps to her back from Applejack before she could speak again. “W-What do you mean talk to them?! I can’t just do that!”
“Well sure you can! You got a mouth, don’t ya? You got a voice, and from where I’m sittin’ both of ‘em got ears.”
Rainbow shook her head, small coughs still escaping her as she tried to clear her throat. “W-Well just because I have a mouth doesn’t mean I can, like, say that kind of stuff!”
Applejack let out a harsh laugh. “Girl, that’s straight nonsense and the two of us know it.”
Rainbow sighed, downing another gulp from her bottle. Her gaze drifted out to the assembled crowd on the dancefloor, moving fluidly amongst each other in perfect time. Maybe it was the lights or maybe it was the drinks, but to Rainbow they looked like faceless, formless blobs, pulsing spastically in a dark room.
It reminded her of some strange vile creature in a science-fiction story.
“This is doing my head in,” she muttered, squeezing her eyes shut and touching the mouth of the bottle to her forehead.
In the absence of anything else to do (besides drinking and throwing words at Applejack), Rainbow decided to engage in a cherished activity: playing dead.
She willed herself as still as possible and let the world wash over her in a dull wave of feeling. Rainbow let it all pass, trying not to latch onto a single thing that crossed her body.
Of course, it only barely worked.
Because Rainbow’s body was always restless. Her face and feathers would twitch, her hoof would shake if she held it up in the air for too long. And try as she might, her brain couldn’t help but feast on any and everything that crossed it.
She heard the rapid rising and falling of notes hanging in the air like forbidden fruits. And the chattering of ponies, clinking of glasses, and scuffing of hooves on the floor rang out like cannon shots.
Flying through the air to knock down the walls of paradise.
Rainbow thought that sounded like something out of a Daring Do novel.
“Ugh! Fine! I’ll do it,” Rainbow shot out, unable to sit any longer. She drained the rest of her bottle and trotted forwards, as Applejack gave a monotonous cheer from behind.
Crossing the dance floor felt like navigating a rushing river. Every now and then Rainbow would have to pause or awkwardly sidestep to avoid trampling on another pony’s dress, or a puddle of spilled champagne. She held her breath the entire time, eyeing those around her with a venomous suspicion.
Ahead of her, shining like lighthouse beacons through a storm, danced her destinations like shimmering stars in the night.
And Rainbow drew close like a ship passing in the night.
Rarity leaned over and whispered something into Twilight’s ear, and the two giggled. They pulled back as Rainbow approached and grinned widely.
“Well hello, darling!” Rarity tittered. Rainbow hated tittering. “I was under the impression you had fallen asleep!”
Rainbow grunted. “I’m about to. Are you gonna be done any time soon?”
“Typical Rainbow,” giggled Twilight. “Always in a rush.”
“I’m bored!” Rainbow hoped the music hid the crack in her voice. “And… and so is Applejack!” She gestured vaguely to where her friend was sitting.
Rarity and Twilight looked at each other and laughed again. “Oh, Rainbow,” Rarity said, clicking her tongue.
Rainbow growled, ruffling her feathers. “Look, you two are just wasting your time! You should be… doing something else! This is just stupid. Dancing is stupid.”
Neither Twilight nor Rarity responded, and Rainbow felt her cheeks start to burn.
“I mean… We could die at any second!” Rainbow squeaked. “And you want to waste your time doing this?”
Rarity laughed again. “Well of course! It’s with a pony that I love, what more could I want?”
“Oh, Rarity.” Twilight leaned in and the two nuzzled each other.
“You… I… Ugh!” Rainbow threw her hooves up in despair and trudged off the dancefloor.
She didn’t stop once her hooves hit its edge. She didn’t stop once she had reached the door. In fact, Rainbow only stopped when she was several feet outside of Sugarcube Corner and Fluttershy called her name. “Oh! Are you leaving already Rainbow?”
“Yes! No! I don’t know!” Rainbow cried, stamping a hoof on the ground. “Argh!”
Fluttershy blinked, rocking back and forth in the porch swing Pinkie Pie had installed. (Sugarcube Corner did not have a porch so it sat off to the side, right in front of the main window.)
Rainbow trotted over and flung herself onto the swing. Fluttershy flinched as the swing picked up some momentum and began stroking the cat in her lap faster. “I can’t stand them, Flutters,” Rainbow lamented.
“Rarity and Twilight?” asked Fluttershy.
“Yeah. Ever since they started dating they just… keep wasting time with each other.”
Fluttershy tapped her chin. “Well, I don’t think it’s wasting time. Couples spend time with each other.”
“But… they could die at any second! Like, their horns could fall apart or something and they’re just wasting their bodies on stuff like fancy dates and dancing?!” Rainbow leaned into Fluttershy’s shoulder.
The cat in Fluttershy’s lap gave Rainbow a suspicious look.
“Um… Rainbow, have you… talked with them yet?” Fluttershy asked.
“About what?”
“Well, how you feel.”
Rainbow blinked. “Oh, of course not. I can’t just tell them I really like both of them. That’d be weird.”
Fluttershy and the cat eyed her skeptically. “I think you should,” nudged Fluttershy. “It sounds like you’re jealous.”
“I’m not jealous!” Rainbow protested.
“But you want to go on fancy dates and dance with them?” Fluttershy asked.
“...Maybe a little, but that doesn’t mean I’m jealous! It’s just not okay when they do it without me!”
Fluttershy smiled. “Oh, Rainbow.”
“What?!”
Fluttershy smiled a little bit wider and Rainbow flushed red again.
“Well… I don’t even know how to bring something like this up,” Rainbow sputtered, fluttering her wings again. “I can’t just tellthem.”
“Well–”
“I mean… maybe I could?” Rainbow speculated.
Fluttershy perked up. “I think–”
“You can’t be in the Wonderbolts unless you go up and tell them you want to be a Wonderbolt,” Rainbow continued. “Yeah… you’re right, Fluttershy!”
“I–”
“I should just tell them! How hard could it be!”
Rainbow hopped off the swing, taking a moment to set her hooves as her alcohol-muddled mind began to race.
“How hard could it be?” she slurred.
Fluttershy just watched as Rainbow stumbled back into the building. She meandered over to Applejack, who was squinting at a bottle in her hooves. Applejack took a sip from it and smacked her lips. “Eeyup. Still shit.” She sighed and took a healthy chug from it.
Rainbow seized her own bottle and drained the rest of it. “I’m gonna do it,” she said. “Gonna tell them. Wish me luck!”
“No thanks, I’m good.”
With that, Rainbow once again dove through the dance floor. She braved the dancers as if they were mountains and dipped between their canyons, soaring over rivers of spent champagne. She came to a halt in front of her friends triumphantly.
Rarity and Twilight turned in perfect synchronization, smiling warmly at Rainbow. “Why, our noble and dearest friend returns!” Rarity declared.
“So it would seem,” agreed Twilight. “What can we do for you, Rainbow?”
Rainbow took a deep breath to speak, but the glimmer in Rarity’s eyes and the warmth in Twilight’s smile rushed down her throat and into her stomach. She instantly fell sick and her wings began to twitch.
“I– Uh, you two are… Y’know, I…” Her eyes locked onto Rarity’s shoulders, unable to look at her face without self-destructing. “Those are you have really some nice shoulders!”
Twilight looked at Rarity. Rarity looked at Twilight. Then the two broke out into laughter.
“Why, thank you, dear,” Rarity grinned. “I think that yes, I do have these are some very nice shoulders!”
Twilight smiled brightly. “I think someone’s had a little too much to drink.”
“I haven’t!” Rainbow whined. “If anything I haven’t had enough! Just… Just forget it!”
She turned to leave but came face-to-face with Pinkie Pie. “Did someone want more drinks?!”
“Wha–” Rainbow didn’t get a chance to finish before Pinkie shoved several bottles and cans into her arms.
Pinkie leaned in, a wide grin on her face. “Don’t. Ask. Questions. Just do it!” she screamed before tearing away into the crowd.
Rainbow looked up, and saw Applejack slouched over at her table. When she saw Luna she raised her hoof in a lazy, half-cheer. Then, Rainbow looked to her left and saw Fluttershy with her face pressed against the window. She gave a cheery wave.
Rainbow took a deep breath and let the bottles and cans fall from her forelegs to the floor. She turned around to face the two most important ponies in her life. Rainbow took a deep breath and let her voice carry. “I’m sick of meaning things. I just… I want to kiss you.”
She squeezed her eyes shut and let the silence wash over her.
Then, through the dark, came two laughs in perfect harmony, brighter than anything Rainbow had ever known.
“Why Rainbow! We were wondering how long it would take you to say that,” Rarity laughed.
“I’m proud you finally got the courage,” Twilight added.
“And to answer that…”
Rainbow cracked open an eyelid as she felt two warm pecks on either cheek.
“...I think that should suffice.”
“Darlings, shall we?”
Rainbow grinned as Twilight and Rarity each seized one of her hooves.
And for the rest of the night their bodies moved across the floor, swaying in time to the music.
