The Cowpocalypse

A week has gone by since Flim and Flam installed their first "Milker 9000," and from there, they were now installed all across Canterlot. Shining Armor was quite busy and annoyed as he felt angry and frustrated for having to endure the embarrassing nature of his recent transformation into a cow and overseeing the security of the city. He was trying to keep himself busy, ignoring his bloated body and the massive udders near his nether regions. Everything about his new body was so embarrassing and so gross it took a lot of willpower to ignore everything and just maintain and focus on the paperwork in front of him, chewing on some excess paper to keep his mind from wandering and the growing pressure in his nether regions, chewing on scrap pieces of paper and one of the few ways to keep the stress off of him. He continued onward with his work, going over the various forms in front of him and keeping his focus on his work. Then he heard a knock and a soldier shout, “Captain!”

“Yes, come in!” Shining grumbled, cringing at his southern “cow-like” accent coming from his mouth, and then the door swung open, and a familiar-looking cow came rolling in. She was quite cute, with that luscious grey coat and cute little golden spots on her coat and the spot on her eye; she had big, full udders bouncing as the bovine greeted him. “Good evening, ma-sir!”

Shining Armor rolled his eyes at the idea and grumbled, “To you as well, Sergent; just give me the Evening report, Bucket Bridle.”

“Yes, well, um, as you can imagine, things in Canterlot have been relatively crazy with the number of ponies transformed into cows in the city—there's about two cows to one pony.”

Shining sighed, rubbing his hoof over his face, hearing this statistic worsen over time despite all the cursed milk being disposed of. He said, “Yes, but stop being so vague about the details. What exactly is happening? Have things calmed down?”

“Well, the milking stations set up around the city have been a massive success in alleviating accidents and providing faster milking speeds compared to by hoof. Also, the initiative setting up more “pastures” in the city was a success. This alleviated the eating of things like paper or shrubbery and helped with the overall decor of the city.”

“That’s good. But, let's focus back on the milking stations; we are also monitoring and making sure that these stations are safe?”

“They are, they function well, and we designated soldiers to remove the tanks and divert them across the city to ensure that none of the milk goes to waste.”

Shining was surprised to hear this and cried, “That’s wonderful to hear!”

“Yes, things are going to plan, and even I got milked by one, and my goodness, it was much faster and less embarrassing than getting milked by hoof.”

Shining Armor’s cheeks grew red at the mention of being milked by hoof as he thought about how his mare friend had been milking him since his transformation. It was embarrassing to admit, but he secretly enjoyed it and wondered how a machine could possibly compare it. He shook his head and said, “Well, yes, that’s good to hear as well.”

“However, many in the guard are hesitant to use the machines. I think that if you used one, it can help alleviate the tension.”

Shining Armor reared up and let out a snort as he snapped back, “My guards are not foals; if they're scared, then that’s their problem.”

Bucket let out a sigh as he shifted his weight, trotting closer towards him with his big affectionate eyes peering right at him as he said, “Listen, the princesses, despite hating being cows, are feigning the idea that the transformation isn’t affecting them, and I think that it’s important that you should show that this isn’t affecting you either. It will help with morale and help the others be able to do their duties while like this.”

Shining Armor threw her hooves in the air and let out a loud moooo! “don’t I do that enough! I wobble around, do my job, and keep this castle safe and under control! I'm now in charge of these damn milking machines! Why do I need to act like being a cow is fine!”

Bucket Bridle gave her a sheepish smile and said, “Yes, but it’s clear you're still uncomfortable as a cow, and we need you to be well…comfortable.”

“Of course, I’m not comfortable! I hate being a bucking cow!”

“But again, it’s affecting the morale of everypony else! You need to come show that this hasn’t changed you, and you aren’t going to let this affect your job, and that starts with getting milked! You clearly haven’t all day!”

At the mention of his udders, Shining Armor groaned, looking down at his swollen milk bags sloshing about, the tension was growing stronger by the minute, and then grumbled, “Fine, you make some good points, sergeant.”

“Right, well, first, why don’t we start with that demeanor?” Bucket wobbled around his desk, then nudged him, “You should be more confident.”

“Confident!? I am not going smile and skip around like an idiot.”

Bucket rolled his eyes, “Darling, I’m not asking you to be a smiling buffoon, but I am asking you to try being more approachable and showing your confidence. Like how you were before this happened.”

“Fine,” Shining did his best to do as Bucket said, throwing his head with a painful grin and walking alongside his second in command. As they passed other guards and cleaning staff, such as maids and butlers, he waved a hoof and squeaked a “morning” every now and again to them. Shining Armor made his way to the grand hall. To his surprise, he watched the princesses Celestia and Luna being milked openly in front of a crowd who gathered to watch. They both were just casually talking to each other as they underwent the process, and everypony in the audience seemed to admire their tenacity. Shining felt secondhand embarrassment for the princesses, but it seemed many were looking happier then they were when this all started.

Bucket Bridle gave his commander another nudge and insisted, “See, the princesses are showing this is normal and something to not be afraid of, and look, everypony here is feeling much more comfortable despite the changes.”

Shining could see what Bucket was saying. The ponies and cows around looked rather confident. As the princesses finished, the maids went over to secure their milk cans and send them away. Princess Luna went off back to catch up on sleep, and Princess Celestia stayed to finish holding court.

Sergent Bucket Bridle then led his Captain to a dozen other soldiers who were now cows, all waiting for him. Shining Armor was still taken aback by the number of cows in front of him and how they casually talked amongst themselves. He still couldn’t believe how so many male soldiers were able to look and be comfortable in their new forms. The strangest part was being of the opposite gender and having these feelings he pushed down or neglected as a stallion. Mainly that being his desire to protect. He thought it was strong before, but now he can’t help but constantly be more vigilant for threats. He seemed to ask soldiers and ponies in general if they were okay for almost no reason. The captain decided to finally embrace those feelings and lead by example as he confidently strode over, and said, “Morning, girls!”

Shining slammed a hoof to his mouth but saw that the rather embarrassing greeting made the others perk up. They were all now waiting for what he would do next as he said, “So, Sergent Bucket Bridle tells me you are all still unsure of these milking machines.”

His fellow soldiers all looked worried at each other, and then one replied, “Yes, they seem so…weird.”

“And gross, I mean, my wife milks me daily, and that’s embarrassing enough.”

Shining Armor sighed, “Girl-“ The former stallion then slammed a hoof to his mouth again.

“Please, it's fine.” His fellow soldiers chimed together.

Shining Armor rolled his eyes being rather peeved he had to humiliate himself to help make his fellow soldiers feel comfortable, but Bucket Bridle's words earlier stirred something inside of him to continue feigning, so he sucked up what left of his pride, and said, “girls, these machines are safe, and I came to show you that they are perfectly fine! So, um, follow me!”

The others did as she asked, and they all went to one of the milk machines in the castle. Shining positioned himself as a maid nearby and came over to assist. She then adjusted the four metallic hoses onto each of his udders. The Captain shivered, feeling the cold latex adjust over his sensitive milk bags. Once the machine started to rumble and began the milking process, Shining cried out, feeling the pressure released from his udders, and he let out a loud moooo! He hated to admit it, but the feeling was so good and felt so wonderful. He turned his head upwards as his tongue lolled out, and he couldn’t help but embrace this newfound sensation. As the machine finished and he felt his udders finally be relieved of all of their contents, he turned to his soldiers and chirped, “See, that wasn’t so bad; now it’s your turn.”

They then all followed his suit, going to the milking machine one by one and taking turns with the machine. As they finished formed up one of the soldier's asked, “Shining be real, can we still be royal guards like this?”

“What, of course, you can! I’m still the Captain, aren't I!?”

“Yes, but we can’t wear our uniforms anymore, and well, doesn’t us needing to be milked make us a liability?”

Shining stomped a hoof on the ground and snapped, “Of course not! In fact, I think we can use this to our advantage! And I will find some kind of uniform that is practical for our current predicament, so please be patient as I figure things out and resume your duties.”

“Yes, mam!” The other cows chimed as they wobbled off. Shining wanted to correct them, but for some reason, being called mam had a nice ring to it, and let it be.

Bucket Bridle waddled over and nudged him once again, then chimed, “See, things aren’t that bad. You were really enjoying being milked, weren’t you?”

Shining’s face was now a beat red. He enjoyed being milked but quickly cried, “Oh, stop, of course not! You know, it just felt good because I hadn’t been milked all day.”

“That explains a lot; how do you expect to do your duties all pent up and filled with milk? You gotta go get that pressure released every now again.”

“I will not!”

“You will, and you need to accept things just as you relayed to your fellow soldiers. Now stop being a stubborn jackass.”

“But I-“

Bucket wasn’t hearing any of it as he started to push the Captain's rear towards the front doors and said, “No butts now, why don’t we you to the milk bar? Princess Celestia and Luna were just recently milked. We should get to it before things get busy!"

“Sure…” Shining grumbled, and he followed his second-in-command to the bar across the way to hopefully forget how he acted. Bucket had a point, working and doing his duties while all filled with milk, which was probably the reason he was acting like such a jerk. He should definitely take his advice and get milked more often, whether he likes it or not.

Shining Armor was now at the “milk bar,” and he was rather surprised at what he saw: a ton of cows and ponies chatting and talking casually as they drank milk of all kinds, some chocolate, strawberry with plates of dishes such as mac n cheese, cheese curds, pizza and various kinds of Fondue. It was rather interesting to see how so many ponies were now embracing their new lives in such a short amount of time. He then sat down with Bucket Bridle with him, blushing as his udders bounced but didn’t feel as achy or painful as they were earlier as he sat across from Bucket with his gold eyes, dark grey coat, and those cute gold spots; he was adorable. Shining quickly shook his head, wondering why he would even think that when a cow came waddling over, “Howdy y’all, what can I get ya.”

“Evening hun, I would like some of that famous mac n cheese with a Celestia sunshine milkshake.”

The waitress turned to Shining and asked, “And you, hun?”

“I will, um, take a Midnight Luna milkshake with a slice of that hay pizza with extra cheese.”

“Alright!”

As their waiter bounced off, Shining turned his attention to Bucket Bridle and asked, “So, um, you come here often?”

“Oh yes, this place is amazing! The food is all fresh and, of course, made with our milk right here in Canterlot. Isn’t it wonderful that we are all coming together like this? Ponies here were never like this before!"

“It’s a nice feeling, but I can’t help but also feel it is being a bit gross.”

Bucket let out a laugh. " Yes, I can see many thinking that, but trust me, it really isn’t that bad.”

Shining Amor eyed his second in command and asked, “You really have no problem with this at all?”

“Of course not! Have you ever had a bowl of cereal and milk and thought it was gross? Or a baby drinking milk from a bottle? We ate cheese, ice cream, and yogurt all the time as ponies; it’s just natural, hun.”

Shining was a bit taken aback being called “hun,” but they were off duty, so he’ll let it slide for now. Then the food arrived, and his eyes went wide upon seeing what was on his plate. It was the greasiest, cheesiest food he had ever laid eyes on. He couldn’t help but take a small experimental bite of his slice of pizza and pull it with thick and creamy cheese as it melted in his mouth. Shining savored the food as he munched away and let out a little Mooo! Of approval, then cried, “My goodness, that’s delicious.”

“Isn’t!? Go on, try the milkshake. They’re the best here!”

Shining took a few sips of his milkshake, and his eyes went wide at how sweet and creamy it was. He let out one more and cried, “That’s amazing! I never tasted anything like it!”

“I know, right!? Luna’s milk tastes like lavender, huh?”

“Yes, it does! With a hint of mint and chamomile, it is delicious!” Shining chimed back. “Can I try yours?”

“Of course.”

Bucket moved the milkshake across the table, and Shining Armor took a few sips and cried, “Oh wow, that’s sweet!”

“Isn’t!? It’s like a birthday cake blended into a smoothie. It’s just unlike anything I've ever had before.”

“They really are both good, but it’s hard to say who is better considering their entirely different flavors.”

They then chatted and debated about what was more delicious, from the milkshakes to their food, for what felt like hours as they gorged on their food, ordering seconds and thirds. The chefs here must be used to the appetite of their patrons and continue to feed them. The two continued eating until Shining Armor felt like he was about to burst, and then he groaned, “Oh, I'm so full, and my udders are bloated again."

“That’s alright, hun. Come on, let’s get ya milked, and I’ll escort you home, captain.”

Shining Armor instinctively wanted to protest but desperately wanted Bucket to escort him. Was it out of respect, out of a kindship? Maybe it was his nature to enjoy being around his fellow soldier who had been at his side the whole day and helped him overcome his insecurities as a cow. He can only hope he will be there for him until they find a cure and say, “I accept your proposal, Sergeant.” The two then trotted off together to a nearby milking station, silently seeming to just enjoy being in each other’s presence.

The next morning came with Shining Armor waking up feeling much better and feeling ready to tackle whatever the day brought. But first, he once again felt the need to be milked. The former stallion happily trotted downstairs to find his marefriend downstairs and just stared at him with an odd look. Princess Cadance then asked, “Shining, you’re not grumpy today?”

“Grumpy? Why would I be grumpy?” Shining asked as he casually turned around and let his marefriend begin milking him. He just waited patiently, enjoying the tension ease away with every squirt of milk from his udders. Princess Cadance then commented,” Don't take it personally but you seem different today?”

“Different, how?”

“Well, you aren’t so squeamish when I touch your udders, and you seem happier.”

Shining paused, looked at her, and asked, “What on earth makes you think that?”

“You're just not in a mood; that’s all.”

Shining huffed with a swish of his tail and said, “Well, it’s easy for you to say I’m just taking some advice and embracing being a cow.”

Princess Cadance levitated the bucket of milk and said, “I know this has been hard; I’m just proud of you, is all. I was worried this cow thing was making you miserable, and I didn't know how to cheer you up.”

Shining Armor then, for some reason, kissed her on the lips, and they held the embrace for a moment, then said, “Thank you for putting up with me being a jackass for the past few days.”

The princess of love touched a hoof to her cheek, still surprised, then said, “My goodness, what has gotten into you! Seriously, did a changeling kidnap my fiance?"

Shining laughed with a few swishes of his tail, “Nope! Just embracing the new me!” as he shuffled off to the castle and wondered what had gotten into him. Did Bucket Bridle's words affect him that much? Regardless, he had a role to play as the captain of the royal guard and helping ponies and himself move forward with life while being a cow.