Wonderful Lies, Fruitful Truths

“I’m back,” Soarin muttered, closing the door. Trenderhoof peaked his head from the kitchen, a loving smile spreading across.

“How did it go? Did you win him back, lover boy?” Trenderhoof joked, playfully wiggling his shoulders.

Soarin brought his hand up to his face, inhaling sharply.

“I messed up.” He admitted. Well, it came out more like a weak whimper than a declaration. Trenderhoof pouted.

“Did something happen?”

Soarin huffed, bringing his arms around his torso.

“I didn’t realize how badly I treated Zephyr. I treated him like an object.” He sniffled. He looked at Trenderhoof with terror-stricken eyes. “What if I start treating you like that?”

Trenderhoof shook his head.

“If you’re that nervous about that, you’ve truly changed.” Trenderhoof opened his arms. “Now come here, you need a hug.”

As much as Soarin didn’t want to admit it, he really did need a hug. He sulked over to Trenderhoof, wrapping his arms around his torso. Soarin sighed, nuzzling into the crook of Trenderhoof’s neck. This was nice.

Soarin pulled away from the hug, staring into Trenderhoof’s eyes. They shined brightly, like amethyst in the sun.

“…You have the same eyes,” Soarin sighed wistfully, placing his hand on Trenderhoof’s cheek.

“Hm?” Trenderhoof hummed.

“You and Zephyr. You both have the same beautiful purple eyes.” Soarin reminisced, rubbing his thumb across his cheek. Trenderhoof leaned into the touch.

“I can stay if you want.” Trenderhoof placed his hand atop Soarins. “It seems like you need it.”

Soarin shook his head, moving away from his loving touch.

“No, no, you go. You have work to do.” Soarin encouraged. “I’ll be fine.”
Trenderhoof frowned.

“Are you sure? We can watch some movies and cuddle. I can cancel right now.” He said, pulling his phone from his pocket. Soarin snatched the phone from his hands.

“No! I’ll…I’ll be fine. I think I just need some time.” Soarin bashfully admitted. Trenderhoof sighed, giving Soarin a pitiful smile.

“Just call if you need anything, okay?” He insisted. Soarin nodded. “See you later. I love you.”

Trenderhoof pecked Soarins lips. It felt like electricity up his spine. Soarin sighed, nearly melting on the spot. Trenderhoof slipped away from Soarin’s grasp, walking out the front door.

Soarin now felt empty. He wanted to be back in Trenderhoof’s arms. But he couldn’t hold him back, could he? Trenderhoof had a life outside of him, after all.

His skin suddenly felt much too hot for his liking. An uncomfortable knot was in his stomach. It felt like he was being watched. Is that how he made Zephyr feel? God, he was terrible.

Soarin looked around the eerily quiet mansion. This was the first time he had been alone. Now that he was alone, the nagging feeling of guilt quickly returned.

What if Trenderhoof was wrong? What if he did ruin his relationship with Trenderhoof? He couldn’t risk another relationship. Soarin felt his hands begin to tremble.

Soarin suddenly felt too hot in his own body. He pulled his shirt over his head, tossing it to the ground. He brought his hand to his chest, feeling it hammer. Soarin’s mind brought him to every point where he was absolutely awful to Zephyr. He kicked off his shoes, wandering into the living room.

His eyes veered over to the plush couch. Maybe a quick nap could get his mind off of things.

Soarin flopped onto the couch, curling up. His hand continued to tremble against his chest, and his breathing became rigid. He squeezed his eyes shut in an attempt to go to sleep.

Soon enough, he drifted to sleep.

Soarin stood somewhere familiar, though he didn’t know where. It felt like his old apartment but…different.

“Sooooariiiin.” Someone called in a sing-song voice. Soarin turned around, seeing Zephyr. His heart sped up.

Zephyr was like an angel, drifting towards Soarin. He wrapped his arms around Soarin’s shoulders, staring at him with the utmost beautiful eyes. He nearly melted under his touch.

“Kiss me…” Zephyr commanded in a sultry voice. Soarin’s lips met Zephyr’s. At first, it felt warm and sweet. Like fireworks went off in his stomach.

“Oh, Soarin.” Zephyr moaned, running his hands through Soarin’s hair.

Soarin felt rage fill his chest, though he didn’t know why. It felt hot as if he had swallowed a bucket filled with lava. He didn’t want to feel this way; he wanted to feel loved. Unfortunately, his body didn’t want to listen.

Soarin gripped Zephyr tighter; it was nearly bone-crushing. Zephyr began to choke and gargle into Soarin’s mouth.

“S-soarin…stop…” He began to plead. Soarin wanted to stop; he really did. But something inside him needed to keep going. His grip only got together.

“Shut up.” Soarin spat out coldly. His breath hitched. He didn’t mean to say that.

Zephyr’s once loving touch soon became painful clawing, trying to get from the all-too-tight grasp. He began to do whatever he could to get released. Zephyr bit, scratched, and clawed, but to no avail.

Soarin squeezed and squeezed until…

Snap

Soarin felt Zephyr's bones crumble under his skin. Zephyr went limp, dropping to the floor. His throat let out a guttural screech.

“You’re a monster!” Zephyr shrieked. “Look at what you’ve done to me! You’ve ruined me!” Zephyr flopped across the floor, clawing at Soarin’s ankles. Soarin opened his mouth trying to say anything, but his throat suddenly felt tight.

“Stop being such a baby.” He scoffed, crossing his arms. No, no, no, no!This isn’t what he wanted to do! Every part of his body wanted to run to Zephyr. He needed to scoop him up and tell him everything was ok.

“Look at me, Soarin. Look at me!” Zephyr begged, pulling himself up on Soarin’s pant leg. Soarin couldn’t look at what he did. He just couldn’t. If he looked, he’d know how much of a monster he was.

Soarin turned on his heels, clenching his fist.

“You need to leave, Zephyr.”

Soarin awoke with a cough, sitting up. He felt like he was choking over his own tongue. He sputtered and coughed, feeling lightheaded.

His dreams were right; he was a terrible, abusive monster. Soarin wrapped his arms around his torso, trying to steady his erratic breathing.

“Just calm down. Calm down, calm down, calm down.” Soarin chanted to himself but to no avail. It felt like his brain was racing a thousand thoughts per second.

Soarin’s eyes darted to his phone. No, no, no, he couldn’t call Trenderhoof. He couldn’t be too overly reliant on him; it would be stifling.

But Trenderhoof said it was okay, didn’t he? And if he never listened to Trenderhoof, then he’d been in the same spot he was in with Zephyr.

Soarin hesitantly put his phone to his ear, letting it ring. It clicked after two rings.

“Hey, Soar! What’s up?” Trenderhoof asked. Soarin withdrew a shaky breath.

“Can you come home?”