The Kidnapping of Princess Twilight Sparkle

by RunicTreetops

Rating: everyone
Tags: Human, Twilight Sparkle, Anon, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Second Person, Romance, Comedy
Length: 1793

There's something very important you need to accomplish, but to do so, you'll need to kidnap Princess Twilight Sparkle. So... good luck with that.

The princess just finished her last task for the day. Spike is out of the castle on an official errand. You know how to slip by the guards without drawing attention to yourself. Everything is falling into place.

You have business to take care of, but you'll have to do the unthinkable first: You have to kidnap Princess Twilight Sparkle.

Uhh... why?

Published 2023-05-22 21:50:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-05-22 21:50:01 UTC

The Kidnapping of Princess Twilight Sparkle

You breathe carefully and slowly as you remain crouched near the floor, doing everything in your power to be as silent as possible. It's a tight squeeze back here, so you have to ensure that you get into a position you can actually maintain for a long period of time.

Currently, you are alone in the Canterlot Castle throne room. Specifically, you've wedged yourself between the throne itself and the back wall. The natural light pouring into the room from the multitude of stained glass windows means that there is almost nowhere in the room to hide. The small space in which you are crouched is pretty much the only blind spot to those entering the room. If someone was particularly vigilant or knew someone else was in the room in the first place, you would be discovered immediately. Thankfully, you can confirm that this isn't the case once you hear the sound of the grand doors opening and two voices ringing out through the room.

"But Twilight, won't they be mad that I'll be showing up instead of you?"

"Don't worry, Spike, I've already sent them a letter and they understood the circumstances. I know it's been a long time since you've gone to Dodge City, but the sudden news about Prince Rutherford's surprise visit tomorrow morning means that I simply can't afford to leave Canterlot for the next few days. I'm sorry to dump this on you, but I know I can trust you to oversee the festivities in my stead."

"Don't worry, Twilight. It's as good as done! I'll be back before you know it!"

"Wait, you're leaving already? You don't need to catch the train for at least a few more hours."

"I'm going a bit early to, uh, triple check that the festival is being prepared properly! Yeah!"

"Oh? And this has nothing to do with the cave full of rubies that Maud found just outside town the other day?"

"Pffffffft, no! Why would you think that?"

"Hehe, so long as the festival goes okay, feel free to look around. I'll see you in a couple of days!"

"Bye, Twilight!"

After a moment, you hear the large doors close once more. The throne room is quite large and it carries an echo, so the sound of Princess Twilight Sparkle's hooves hitting the floor are hard to miss as she approaches the throne. You do your best to keep your breathing steady. With every step, she draws closer to you. Twilight is an extremely intelligent mare, and the odds of you avoiding detection are slim.

Please don't notice you, please don't notice you, please don't notice you...

The throne that you're crouched against makes the tiniest of noises as the sound of hoofsteps finally goes away. It seems as though she sat down. And it also seems as though she didn't notice you.

So far, so good. Now, you wait.

The sound of parchment being lifted into the air and a quill being used to write on it are the only sounds in the room. Typically, those sounds are so quiet you hardly notice them. Right now, however, they seem to ring in your ears as you do everything in your power to keep yourself from making any noise. You cannot shift your weight whatsoever. You cannot let out a deep breath or let your your nervousness get the better of you. You just have to sit here and wait it out. Once Twilight finishes her paperwork, it will be time to strike.

Your muscles ache as you reach what must be hour three of hiding behind this throne. You want almost nothing more than to just get up, stretch your legs, and let out a deep breath. Almost.

Finally, you hear Twilight let out a contented sigh.

"Finally," she mumbles under her breath.

You hear the faint sound of a spell being cast as she presumably teleports the paperwork to wherever it is supposed to go. The throne creaks just a bit, indicating that she is finally sitting up. It's now or never!

Doing your best to move swiftly, you stand up from behind the throne and take two quick steps to circle around it. Twilight barely has a chance to gasp before you wrap your arms around her. Your left arm grabs at her torso, and you use your elbow and forearm to hold her by said torso against your chest. You use your left hand to cover her mouth and prevent her from making too much noise. Meanwhile, you're using your right arm to ensure that her wings stay tucked against you while holding onto her horn with a tight grip. From your experience, this is the safest and most effective way to grab the princess. It prevents her from using her wings to fly away, it keeps her strong legs from touching the ground, and your grip on her horn means that any attempt at a spell would almost certainly misfire. She struggles in your grasp, her eyes darting around in shock and confusion. She tries to say something, but it sounds like little more than a muffled mess behind your hand. After a moment, she manages to turn her head just enough to lock eyes with her human captor, and although she is still confused and not taking it completely lying down, her struggling does lose much of its energy. With a smile, you begin to awkwardly carry her to the door. She wiggles a bit in your grasp as you lean your head against the large marble entryway. After you confirm that you don't hear anypony outside, you finally exit the throne room, princess in tow.

You had all of this planned out already. It isn't wholly abnormal for you to have business in the throne room, so the guards in charge of standing outside of it had no qualms with letting you in there this morning. You had to wait for several hours until Twilight and Spike showed up, but you knew that Spike was going to be sent on that errand. With that knowledge, you waited until Twilight was alone and at her most vulnerable. Thankfully, that time is right now, just before the sun is supposed to set. Not only does she almost always finish her paperwork at this time, but this is also when the Royal Guard in charge of protecting the castle swaps shifts, meaning that you have about a two minute window where there are no guards to notice you kidnapping the princess. Now that you're out of the throne room, you make a left and book it down the large marble halls. If you had gone the other direction, you would have gone near the vast majority of the castle. In this direction, however, the only rooms to be found are Princess Twilight's "personal" rooms, those being a bathroom, a library, and her bedchambers. The latter is your destination, as no one would dare to interrupt you there.

Finally coming upon the surprisingly unassuming door, you awkwardly shift your weight around to get the door open. Thankfully, the fact that ponies have hooves and not hands means that most doors use handles instead of knobs, so it isn't too difficult to get in. Once inside, you carry Twilight to the foot of her bed and gently set her down on it (and by gently, you mean "as gently as you can set down a struggling princess that you just kidnapped," which is to say not even remotely gently).

"A-Anon, what are you DOING?!"

Before you respond, you lean over her with a dastardly smile. She looks worried, right up until you begin to place several quick, light kisses on her soft, exposed belly, causing her fear to melt away and her laughter to fill the silence of the room.

"Kidnapping you. I thought that was pretty obvious."

"That was a kidnapping? No offense, but if that's the best you can do, it's kind of... lackluster."

There is a judgemental weight to her words that you don't fail to notice. She wanted to say something meaner than that, but she's too nice to actually do so.

"I got away with it, didn't I?"

"You could have 'gotten away with it' no matter what you did, the guards wouldn't have cared! Spike probably wouldn't have, either! You're my husband, darn it! You didn't need to go through all that!"

"Where would be the fun in just waltzing in and carrying you away?"

To your surprise, a blush makes its way to Twilight's cheeks as you say that.

"W-well, I wouldn't be opposed to that per se..."

...You're going to have a talk with her about her strange fantasies later, aren't you?

"Come on, Twi, isn't this a much more interesting way to end the day? I planned out the guards' shift change and everything!"

With drooped ears she sighs a deep sigh and shakes her head. Her amused smile grows wider as she comes to terms with the absurdity of your strange, pointless kidnapping plot.

"Sure, Anon. It was definitely more 'interesting' than just... walking to my bedroom."

"I'm sorry, just yesterday you were telling me that the princess life is more monotonous than you were expecting. Would you prefer it if I did something more drastic than a kidnapping? You know, to 'spice up' that routine for ya?"

"To be honest, Nonny, I would prefer you just take me out to dinner."

"Oh, that's already happening. I made reservations and everything."

Her eyes grow wide as she looks even more shocked than when you grabbed her earlier.

"W-wait, really?"

"I bet you thought I forgot what today was, didn't you?"

"N-no! I just..."

You look at her with a cocky grin.

"Don't tell me YOU of all ponies forgot~"

"No! I would never forget our anniversary!"

"Haha! I know you wouldn't."

You take her hooves in your hands and help her up, stealing a kiss from her as you do so.

"I swear, Nonny, you have the weirdest ways of showing you care."

"And you love me for it, right?"

She blushes even deeper and looks at the floor as she smiles.

"...Yeah, I do. It's a part of your charm."

"Hmhm. I love you too, Twi."

She leans forward and embraces you in a warm hug, which you happily return. Today, you successfully kidnapped Princess Twilight Sparkle. Of course, you never really doubted that you would.

You had already stolen her heart, after all.

Author's Note

I challenged myself to write a story in under an hour, and this was the result. Let me know what you think!

As always, I appreciate any and all feedback!