It was an afternoon of fucking about the house like any other when there was a knock on the door. Aria's best guess was that Sonata ordered another pizza. There was never anyone that showed up for her, and Adagio hadn't mentioned anything about a date.
“Sonata the pizza's here!” Aria shouted from her place on the couch. She had been there for three hours now with a leg slung over the back of the couch watching whatever came on TV.
“I didn't order a pizza!” Aria heard Sonata shout. And judging by the fact she didn't say anything else, she wasn't going to get the door. She probably already forgot about it. If Sonata didn't care about something it slipped from her mind as easily as it came in.
There was another knock on the door. With a groan Aria slid from the couch. She grumbled under her breath, she had gotten so comfortable on the couch that she was ready to be a bitch to anyone not worth her time. And with a speech being built in her mind for the poor soul who was knocking she opened the door.
“Oh good you're home!” The lady at the door said before Aria was able to start yelling. The lady shoved a kid no taller than her knee past the doorway. “I know this is sudden but I need someone to watch her and you girls are the only trustworthy neighbors around here.”
“Hey!” Aria shouted after the kid who had dashed into the house with impressive speed with it's little legs.
“Again I'm sorry about this, here.” The woman shoved a handful of bills into Aria's hand. “I'll be back in the morning, again I'm sorry.”
And she was off. Aria was stunned by the interaction that couldn't have lasted even half a minute. She looked at the money that was placed in her hand. It was hundreds in various bills. Aria was fascinated by the money in her hand and how it got there, almost forgetting the lady that had placed it there. A thud alerted Aria's attention away from the money she had started counting. The cry from the toddler made her worried about what her sisters were going to do.
She found the kid just around the corner, kissing the wall of all things. The sight was enough that Aria felt her shoulders grow heavy with a sigh. It wouldn't be a terrible thing if she just dumped it in a dumpster would it?
“What was that?” Sonata yelled down from her room.
“Nothing Idiot!” Aria yelled back. She didn't know how Sonata would react, either she would try to eat the kid or drop it. Aria wasn't about to get them run out of town again on another murder charge, they had finally gotten good cable.
Adagio hadn't yelled at her so the best guess was that she was still out doing whatever it is she did. Aria didn't bother to pry into her sisters life in this town, it was always a different story anyway.
“Alright Brat,” Aria said, pulling the toddler away from the wall. “We're going to watch TV, and be quiet. Until your mom gets home.” Aria felt like that was a lie. She had babysit a few times for spare money, hating every time she had to do it. She had never been given that much money for doing it. Something about the stack of bills in her hand worried her that the mom might have had some more, permanent solution in mind.
Aria was impressed by how easily the kid took to being quiet. She was still irritated by how the kid wouldn't sit still. It took to running around, still being quiet, and on occasion doing squats at the edge of the couch trying to get a laugh out of Aria.
Aria couldn't relax with the little diaper wearing kid running around. She was nervous that at any moment Sonata would come down and see it or Adagio would come home and start yelling. She didn't have a headache and didn't feel one coming on but if Adagio started yelling then she would get one, she was sure of that.
The thought hit Aria with a groan of laziness, they didn't have diapers in the house. She would need to go out and get some. At least that way she could have the excuse that she might be trying to earn money on the side.
“Hey kid.” Aria whispered, getting it's attention. “You got a name?”
“Rinboodsh.” It said, the long syllables coming out slurred.
“Can't even say your own name.” Aria groaned. “Well you aren't going to change yourself either. Let's go.”
Aria picked up her keys and led the kid to the door by the hand. She noticed the tag on the kids shirt flipped and went to fix it. Noticing something, she pulled the shirt up a little more to see inside the fabric. Inside the name “Rainbow Dash” had been written.
“So It's Rainbow Dash.” Aria scoffed. “That's a really stupid name kid.”
“Why isn't it working?!” Rainbow dash cried as she slumped in front of the TV.
“Because you aren't believing it strong enough, try again.” Aria goaded from the couch. She was irritated more than anything, and seeing this kid cry and break down over something so stupid was the only good thing she could look forward to seeing today. “Really focus this time.”
Wiping the snot from her face, Rainbow dash got up and got into position again. Holding her hands behind her and covering an invisible ball. Her entire body flexing harder than any of them ever have before. “Ka-” Rainbow dash started. “Me-Ha-Me-” Aria covered her ears. “HAAAAAAAAAAA!” Rainbow thrust her arms forward with as much enthusiasm as she could muster.
Aria watched the show as Rainbow opened her eyes, finding the TV in front of her still intact, no energy orbs in her hands, and her hair still rainbow and not floating gold. Rainbow fell to her knees, and started to cry again.
Aria laughed her way into the next room as Rainbow came to the realization that cartoons weren't real. And she was never going to be a Super Saiyan.
“Fuck.” Rainbow Dash repeated.
“Good.” Adagio said. “Now when someone is being mean to you, you just tell them, Fuck you. Got it?” Adagio held a smile on her face as she taught Rainbow the right things to say. She hated Rainbow Dash, she wasn't going to tell Rainbow that though. Hundreds of years taught her that being mean to kids outright could get her jail time and it was so boring doing the whole prison break routine.
“Thanks Aunt Adagio.” Rainbow said.
Adagio also hated being called Aunt, it made her feel old somehow despite her actual age. It also reminded her she wasn't the one responsible for molding this child into a psychopathic murderer she could read about in the papers one day. But this was fun too. All she had to do was wait.
And wait Adagio did, it took a few days, but her seeds bore fruit.
It started with a call on the house phone, Sonata handing the phone to Aria. And then came the sweet siren song of an outraged siren. Adagio laughed to herself as she heard Aria's stomps over to her room.
“Why did you tell Rainbow Dash to say that?” Aria screamed.
“A little swear isn't going to hurt anything. She'll just be in trouble for a little while.” Adagio defended. “You don't like her that much anyway what do you care if she gets in trouble?”
“A little swear?” Aria said through gritted teeth.
Adagio sat up. “Yeah, just a little swear. She did say, Fuck you, right?”
Aria laughed. “I don't think telling her teacher he's only mad because no one wants to fuck his pencil dick is a little swear.”
“What?”
“You didn't tell her that?”
“No, I only told her to say Fuck you.”
Aria and Adagio were quiet just to think. Both in speculation and awe of the gall Rainbow Dash had. After a minute they both shared glances with each other.
Aria turned to leave Adagio's room and called out, “Sonata!”
“So your mom isn't helping you at all?” Fluttershy asked.
“No.” Rainbow Dash answered. “But she's never helped me with anything anyway, she knows I can do things on my own.”
“That doesn't sound,” Fluttershy started to say.
“But that's alright since I'm going to the same High School as you anyway. I just gotta get enough money to pay for it.” Rainbow Dash said.
Rainbow Dash started kicking a ball at her feet, then bouncing it onto her head while she talked. Truth be told, she was a little mad at her mom for not paying for tuition. She was only a kid and couldn't get a real job. Sure she had another two years before it mattered, but that just meant she had to start working on it soon if she wanted to go to high school. And she needed to. Canterlot High was home to the WonderBolts, the best high school soccer team in the state. And the Canterlot University was home to the WonderColts, the best college team in the state. So on and so forth. She was only in the WonderFoals now by sheer luck.
“Yeah, I'm not too sure how I'm going to get the money though. Ten thousand bucks.”
“That's so much.” Fluttershy said, sticking a lollipop in her mouth.
“Someone's gonna think you smoke with how often you eat those you know.” Rainbow Dash pointed out.
“It's just candy.” Fluttershy defended. “Pinkie Pie gives me so much. Um, a lot of it comes from her hair.”
“I've seen.” Rainbow Dash pretended to vomit.
“So do we have a deal?” Celestia said from behind her desk. Her tall frame casting a domineering aura around the rest of the room. In the dark, Rainbow could swear that her hair was waving despite there being no wind.
There was another in the room, off to the side, a smile on his face. Rainbow had a feeling that even thought it was Celestia talking to her, that the guy with white and black hair was the one with the power here.
The deal was simple. She helps the janitor staff over the summer, and during a bit of the school year, she plays for almost every sports team, she keeps her grades up, and she stops getting into fights. And all of this in exchange for her tuition being paid for in full by Celestia. That didn't feel like the truth, but she wasn't going to argue. No matter how sure she was that the man in the corner, pretending to be a janitor, could throw that money at her and never miss it.
“It's a deal.” Rainbow Dash said.
“Good choice.” The man in the corner said, stepping forward and reaching his hand out.
Not thinking, Rainbow went to shake his hand. She was almost blasted out of her seat by the shock she got from the buzzer in his hand.
“Discord.” Celestia groaned.
“It's a classic.” He said, removing the buzzer from his hand.
“You're dismissed Rainbow. I'll be calling your mom and aunts so they know what you need to be doing. Have a good day.” Celestia walked over and opened the door for her.
Turning around after the door was closed she saw her reflection. That buzzer had done more than just shock her, her hair was standing straight up at sharp points. The rainbow in her hair in an almost perfect separation.
Rainbow wasn't too worried about her mom and aunts hearing about her new chores. She could do them no problem, and it wasn't like they were going to pay for high school anyway. Hearing that she had a chance to get in would help them since she wouldn't be home all day. They hadn't even cared enough about it to even take a look at the high school or learn which building it was.
“Maybe we should let her tell us?” Rainbow interrupted Pinkie with a look to Sunset.
“That's just it, I can't put my finger on it, they just acted sort of strange around me.” Sunset said, waving hands for emphasis.
Right as Sunset had finished her explanation the doors to the cafeteria flew open as singing started. Very familiar singing.
No. Rainbow thought to herself as she heard the harmonizing grow louder. There is no fucking way. Rainbow recognized the song, she recognized the voices, if she could just get a better look.
~We've thought of something that is better. Something that changes all the rules.~
Rainbow was out of her seat now, standing with a foot on the table. Her friends were giving her questioning looks now and asking what was wrong but she couldn't focus on them, almost didn't hear them. But her suspicions were correct.
~Why pretend we're all the-
“MOM?!” There was an audible record scratch as the singing stopped and everyone in the cafeteria turned to look at Rainbow dash.
“Dash?!” Aria screamed in shock.
“MOM?!” Rainbow's friends yelled in surprise.
“Aunt Adagio?!” Rainbow screamed.
“Aunt?!” Her friends screamed again.
“Stop repeating me!” Rainbow Dash yelled in her friends faces.
“This is your high school?” Aria yelled as she stomped over to Rainbow Dash.
While many students watched the newcomers, many who could no longer hear the music turned back to eating and chatting like usual. The normal air of the cafeteria returned and they all spoke as normal as they could.
“Everyone, meet my Mom. Mom, Everyone” Rainbow Dash got the introduction out of the way.
“Hi Missus Rainbow Dash's Mom.” Pinkie said.
“Pinkie, please show some class.” Rarity looked Aria up and down, noting her fashion that was punk, stylish, and slim. “She is obviously a lady of style and should be greeted as such.”
“Fuck you too albino.” Aria said to a shocked Rarity. “Fluttershy I know.”
“Moooooom.” Rainbow groaned.
“Want to fill me in on what went wrong?” Adagio asked as she approached the group.
“Turns out my little parasite goes to this high school, and broke a very important rule.” Aria growled. “Never interrupt us while we're singing, It's like the only rule you're actually supposed to follow.”
“I have told you where I go a bajillion times!”
“We are going to leave this cafeteria, and start over. Just pretend you don't know who we are.” Adagio said, grabbing Aria's wrist and walking away. As Aria was dragged away she slit her thumb over her throat, and pointed to Rainbow.
“Well I'm in trouble.” Rainbow said.
“So that was your mom?” Sunset asked. “She looked pretty, young?”
“You can tell me if you found my mom hot Sunset.” Rainbow said, holding her head against the table defeated.
“Well I wasn't going to say anything.” Applejack said. “But I thought the two of them were mighty fine looking.”
“Oh my goddess I was joking!” Rainbow made a retching noise and sat up.
“Is the blue one also you're aunt?” Pinkie asked. “Because she slipped Rarity her phone number while your mom was yelling at you.”
“Oh my goddess.”
“Okay but how old are they?” Sunset asked. “I gave them a tour earlier and they look our age.”
Rainbow groaned. “Ask them and they'll say they're over a thousand years old banished to this world from a land of magical talking ponies. They wont tell me how old they really are.”
Everyone at the table grew quiet. Rainbow felt their eyes on her and started to panic. “What? What?”
“Darling, did you say a land of, talking ponies?”
“Yeah but-” Rainbow's eyes widened. “oh, they were telling the truth.”
“We need to- Rainbow?” Sunset asked.
Rainbow Dash had stood up and had made a ball with her hands, flexing as hard as she could. From everyone's perspective, she looked to be in serious pain.
Author's Note
Look I'm sorry it's not a real story. I'm really out of practice and I thought it would be funny if Rainbow Dash got up at the start of the battle of the bands song and it turned out one of the sirens was her mom. I don't think I captured the comedy of how I imagined it, but also I'm not used to writing any comedy, ever. I am also sorry that the story is like 90% dialogue and barely has anything not dialogue after the first transition. I'm very tired.
This wasn't going to be too difficult right? Just walk in like everything is normal? Or should she avoid them? Hide this little ankle biter for a few days before revealing it, or have them make it so noisy her eardrums bleed?
Aria was having a tough time deciding on what to do. Everything seemed to happen so fast, because it had, and already she was considering just keeping the kid around for almost no reason other than, why the fuck not? Just a few hours ago she had left to go shopping. Her trunk now filled with diapers and powdered milk and whatever it was babies needed. She didn't know what they needed, people on TV mentioned going to classes for this and she had never been to one.
She would just have to face it. There was no way she could avoid the questions after bringing lots of shopping bags into her room when she almost never went out. No, she just had to Siren up, and face Adagio, and maybe cave so she wouldn't have this responsibility. Goddess she hoped Adagio would force her to take the kid somewhere else.
“Ready Rainbow?” Aria asked the kid at her feet, squatting down in an effort to communicate that this was serious. “You're about to meet my sisters. And I want you to not fuck this up for me. If you fuck this up for me then I might was well lock you in a room with no food or water for a few days.” Aria said in a baby voice, removing any seriousness from the threat.
Instead of giggling like Aria expected, Rainbow just nodded, seeming to fake understanding what she said. It was adorable how much effort the baby was putting into trying to fit in and it made Aria laugh.
“Stupid kid.” Aria said as she stood back up and opened the front door.
“Aria's home!” Sonata called from the living room.
“I can hear the door Sonata, you don't have to tell me.” Adagio yelled from her room.
“No ones come to meet us, so that's good.” Aria said. “Just keep quiet until we get to my room.”
Aria picked up Rainbow awkwardly while holding the grocery bags at her wrist. It hurt, but it was nothing compared to when she had the idea to use wrist weights while gaming, so she kept walking.
They passed Sonata who was casually watching TV with a bowl of popcorn. Aria managed to walk quick enough before Sonata noticed how quiet she was being that she made it into the connected hallway. Her room was at the end, and Adagio's was the first one on the right.
The effort it took to keep her arms stead as she walked was more than she expected. She couldn't drop her arms or else the noise of the bags hitting her hips would alert her sisters that she bought stuff, and was holding a baby. Rainbow still held a stoic look on her face, a strange sight for a baby. She was focused, at least until her short term memory kicked in and made her forget that she had to be quiet.
The bed creaked in Adagio's room, in a mad dash Aria made it to her room, tossed the baby onto the bed like it was canned beans, and put the groceries down so she could go back out and get more.
Aria turned around, took one step, and then the small laughter happened. That little betrayer, was laughing from being thrown. Aria would make her laugh, see if babies liked being thrown from rooftops, maybe she'd get a giggle out of that too.
“Aria?!” Sonata yelled in panic, the sound of her hopping off the couch and running down the hall filled Aria with dread. “Aria are you ok?” Sonata asked as she screeched to a halt at the end of the hall, right outside Aria's room. She should have closed the door, because now Sonata could see the bags of diapers on her floor and the small child on her bed. “Oh my god.”
“It's not what it looks like!” Aria shouted.
“Well what does it look like?” Sonata asked, still flabbergasted. Eyes torn away from the baby just to look at Aria as she gave her explanation which was sure to be entertaining. The house hadn't had any good fights for a while and for once Sonata would like to not be on the losing end.
“Well,” Aria started stumbling, “Obviously it's just, it's well, I don't know, what does it look like?”
“It looks like there's a baby on your bed!”
“Oh yes that, well there's a perfectly good reason I assure you. If I could think of one.” Aria said, noticing the peek of orange hair around the corner.
“What is going on here?!” Adagio's voice roared. Adagio hated fights that didn't involve her, she hated loud ones even more. She hated noise and yet whenever there was a discussion she was the loudest of the three, and never seemed to realize why she got migraines after their fights. “Sonata, would you mind telling me, what the hell is all the yelling about?!” Adagio hadn't come into the room yet, standing just outside in the hallway.
“Well I just, you see, there's an uh, it's,” Sonata stammered.
“Enough, Aria, what's going on here?” Adagio asked.
“Well you see, it's just an, uh,” Aria stammered.
“She just said that.” Adagio said.
Both Sonata and Aria started up again, their voices filling the air as Adagio rolled her eyes and pushed past them both into the room.
“Well well well.” Adagio laughed. It was not the reaction Aria was expecting.
“You aren't mad?” Aria asked, scared by this unexpected laughing Adagio.
“Mad?” Adagio chuckled again before, “OFF ALL THE STUPID THINGS YOU GOOFBALLS HAVE DONE!” Aria sighed with relief, the world was still right.
“Adagio!” Aria yelled, glee in her voice.
“What?!” Adagio yelled back.
“This little brat is gonna be a money maker!” Aria yelled, holding up Rainbow by an arm. Rainbow just dangled there like a corpse. That corpse happened to be giggling with a massive smile. “She outran everyone at the park. We timed it, she ran a mile in like six minutes. A natural born athlete. Kind of scary how fast she was going. Like something out of a nightmare.”
“Aria, we already have money.” Adagio said. “And one other thing, I don't care.”
Aria frowned and placed Rainbow down. “Hey, I gotta talk to Auntie Dagi here for a minute, go play forehead bat for a while.” Aria said.
Once Rainbow was gone Aria turned back to Adagio with a frown. She knew Adagio didn't like Rainbow any more than she needed to. But a little faking would be nice. Aria only pretended to love the monkey worm with legs as much as she felt was necessary. It had been a hard few years with Adagio doing her best to contribute zero effort into helping with Rainbow and things were just going to keep being hard unless she brought it up.
“I know you hate her but-”
“So you do know, good, I was worried I would have to remind you.” Adagio joked.
“She's been really down lately because of you.” Aria finished.
“Me?” Adagio asked. A genuine shock to her voice. What could she have done to make that brat care about what she thought? She was doing her best to be nothing to that brat. “I don't think so.”
“Really, Adagio.” Aria said. “She's trying a lot to be nice to you and impress you and you wont even give her a second glance.”
“Want me to care about her?” Adagio spat. “Teach the kid to sing opera or something. Make her do anything that's actually useful for us.”
“She's four years old.”
“Never too soon.” Adagio said, ending the conversation.
“Don't hit the kids. Don't hit the kids. Don't hit the kids.” Aria mumbled to herself repeatedly as she stood outside on the curb. Not only was she certain she would put someone in the hospital before the week was over, she had to do it wearing the worst clothes she had ever seen in her life. Khaki green button up with a sash and khaki shorts, the worst kind of clothing in the world and she had to wear two sets of it.
“I don't think I have enough sandwiches.” Rainbow said, looking through her backpack.
“They'll have vending machines, we'll just buy something if we run out.” Aria said. Assuring Rainbow there was nothing to worry about was easy. Rainbow was an easy to please carefree kid who didn't need much more guidance than being told where to shoot. So when there was a troop of scouts that promised her plenty of physical exercise while learning skills, she took it. And forced her way into the boy scouts instead of the girl scouts because Rainbow thought the uniform was lame.
The only condition was that Aria needed to supervise, a deal she wasn't able to turn down because Rainbow had also paid for her joining and fare for was now going to be a week long camping trip. Something Aria would have liked on it's own, with a music player, guitar, actual mattress, in her own backyard at a lake house she owned, instead of in an actual forest surrounded by children.
The bus came around the corner and stopped in front of Aria. She moved to get on but stopped when kids started to come out.
Aria put great effort into not cracking and screaming at them for stepping on her lawn. According to the scout leader this was the last stop so decided to do the run down here. Aria wished that she could send the message to his mind that they could have done this on the bus instead.
“Here's some more sandwiches.” Sonata's voice chimed in a sing song voice behind her. She was shoving more sandwiches into Rainbow's bag. The “Kind” soul she was. Sonata was deceptive like that, seeming nice. She wasn't, not for a mile, she wasn't stupid either no matter how much Aria called her that. At times she could tell Sonata was trying to get Rainbow killed on purpose. Just small suggestions that didn't come across as joking.
“So are they leaving anytime soon or what?” Adagio said from Aria's other side.
“Soon, I hope. Come to see Rainbow off?” Aria asked.
“Nope.” There was a flash and a whir of wires, coils, and film. “Just wanted to get another picture of you in this cute little uniform.”
“Please don't make me go.” Aria begged.
“She stole the money from MY wallet. MY money says YOU'RE going.” Adagio said stabbing her fingers into Aria's side.
“Now I do have some bad news for anyone bringing along their game boys.” The scout leader said. “Where we are going there will be no outlets, which means no way to charge them. Once they're dead, they're dead.”
“Oh no.” Aria said, hair standing on her neck.
“That also means no AC,” Oh no, “No light bulbs or lamps,” Oh no, “no vending machines or fans. We'll be roughing it in the forest for a whole week and having lots of fun without technology.”
Aria groaned, “Oh how do I get myself into these messes?”
“I think it's on account of you being so stupid.” Sonata said.
“Fluttershy.” Rainbow dash said. The bottle landed on her, and so she had two options, kiss her or tell her a truth. The rules before were that they would have to kiss or do a dare but the dares were shot down as a rule because of how out of hand they got. Rainbow Dash was hoping to get kissed a lot tonight, not like she needed practice or anything. And it wasn't like she found all of her friends super attractive and she was worried her more masculine attitude kept them from seeing her as attractive. Nothing like that.
“Truth.” Fluttershy said, disappointing Rainbow.
“That's OK, my kisses are legendary after all, not sure you could handle it.” Rainbow said.
“Oh please Rainbow, ask her already so it can be my turn again.” Rarity said.
“Fine, Fine. Fluttershy,” Rainbow thought of an easy question that wouldn't be too out of place, and easy enough for someone like Fluttershy to answer. They had all made the mistake early on on getting too personal with the shy girl that they found out things they wish they hadn't. “Who, do you have a crush on?”
There was a small chorus of ooh's from Pinkie, Sunset, and Rarity.
“Is it one of us?” Pinkie asked.
“One question at a time, Pinkie.” Applejack said. Reigning in the pink party girl.
“It's, um,” Fluttershy mumbled the last part.
“What was that darling?” Rarity asked.
“It's Adagio.” Fluttershy said, disappearing behind her knees she hugged.
“My aunt?” Rainbow said shocked. “But you've known her since you were five.”
“I know.” Fluttershy said from behind her knees.
“Don't crushes like that usually fade over time?” Twilight asked.
“Nah.” Sunset answered. “I used to have a crush on my personal teacher who practically raised me.”
“Human or pony?” Pinkie asked.
“Alicorn, actually. I actually told her I had a crush on her when I was a filly.”
“What happened?” Fluttershy asked, emerging from castle knees.
“She laughed, told me there's no wrong way to fantasize, and left it at that.” Sunset said.
“Okay but can you please not have a crush on my aunt? That just feels wrong.” Rainbow said.
“You're whole family is hot Dash, you're just gonna have to get over it.” Applejack said. “It hurts to hear but that's the honest truth.
“You're all just lucky I'm not actually a saiyan.” Rainbow said, glaring daggers at Applejack.
Fluttershy mumbled, “Not even real anime.”
“We are not having this discussion again!” Rainbow yelled.
Author's Note
Another one because I had time to kill and wasn't tired enough to fall asleep, I tried being funnier in this one but I don't think it landed. It would be best to keep in mind the whole first draft no outside comments on it as I work in mind. Like obviously I'm trying to make it good but I'm not putting in the effort for that. Mainly because I don't actually have any ideas when I open the word doc.
