The Master of the Meta Deck

by marmalado

Rating: everyone
Tags: Comedy, Pinkie Pie, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1090

Twilight decides to play a trading card game with Pinkie. She thinks she's got it in the bag. Spoiler alert: she does not.

There's a new trading card game sweeping Equestria, and Pinkie has decided to have a go at it with Twilight.

Sore underestimation ensues.

For the A Thousand Words II Contest, under the Comedy section.

Now with reviews by:
- Ghost Mike (Pretty Good)
- PresentPerfect (Recommended)

Published 2023-06-10 07:20:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-06-10 07:20:01 UTC

She Tried So Hard And Got So Far, But In The End, It Didn't Really Matter

"Now, I'm gonna place a Flight Energy on this Dinosoar here...then I'm going to play a Teammate card. Obnoxie allows me to draw three cards."

Twilight took three cards from her deck, putting them into her hand. Slowly but surely, she surveyed the new cards -- two Assist cards and a Stage 2 monster. A frown settled on her face.

"Problem?" Pinkie asked, a grin forming on her own face.

Twilight scoffed. "Pinkie, please. I know this game like the back of my hoof. You're supposed to take your time examining your cards first. Rushing through it is how you make critical mistakes."

"All righty, whatever you say..."

Before proceeding, Twilight took a deep breath and studied her newly-drawn cards again.

"Place the Armor Plate Assist Tool on Dinosoar, which grants it immunity from effects of attacks. And finally..." She jabbed a hoof at the attack listed on the card. "For three Energy, I'm going to play Sonic Nightmare, for 130 hit points!"

Pinkie, keeping the smile on her face, applied the appropriate damage counters to her active monster. "Oooooh, just one off!" she said. "You got close."

"Thank you."

"Too bad it'll all be for naught."

Twilight's eyes widened slightly. She watched as Pinkie picked up a card and got the snowball rolling right down the hill.

"I'm going to play five monsters onto my Bench." she declared, as she grabbed five cards from her hand and began placing them onto the table. Twilight recognized one of the monsters as Koasion -- not just its usual basic form, but its Z form. She began to pale.

That's one of the game-breaker cards... She had seen it all too well before, reading stories of players who had been stumped by Koasion. A powerful Solar type, its main attack Cry of Penance allowed it to flip three coins to Kill a monster.

On the online game, Twilight had found a sneaky hack of sorts, one she was sure worked even if everyone told her otherwise. The way it worked was this: if she kept clicking the computer mouse as the coin was being flipped, she could obtain heads, and leaving it alone would make it tails. But this was the real world. She and Pinkie were playing a real game.

And for whatever reason, Pinkie had a tendency to flip heads most of the time.

Twilight glanced at her own Bench. None of the four monsters on it were strong enough to Kill Koasion, whether as an OHKO or otherwise. She could feel sweat beginning to pour down her face as her mind began racing through the strategies she had read online, strategies that she knew wo-

"Aaaaand with that, I win!"

Twilight blinked. Her gaze slowly moved towards Pinkie's active monster, which already had four Velocity Energy attached to it.

Said active monster just so happened to be Koasion.

"Wh- what- huh- how...Pinkie?!"

"Aww, easy!" Pinkie waved a hand. "See, Koasion has this Hidden Ability, Celestial Metamorphosis. That allows it to attach 3 Unique Energies to one of my monsters. I decided to attach them to Koasion, attached a Solar Energy to meet the attack cost, and whammo!" She giggled. "That's what you get for being distracted."

Twilight could feel her body physically deflate slightly. "But- but I studied everything! I poured weeks into pinning down the best strategies, the best cards, the best meta decks, even..." She looked in despair at her own Bench, then scoffed. "They should ban Koasion."

"Why? That's only for cards that really break the game." Pinkie said. "Koasion is the hottest monster in all the meta decks right now, and for good reason. Look at this card!"

"Pinkie, I've looked at the card already, I don't-"

"Not that card, silly!" Pinkie rummaged through her hand, taking out a Baby Koasion monster. "This one."

Twilight stared at it.

Her jaw dropped.

If this Animon is in your hand at the start of your turn, your Active Koasion may use the attacks of any of its Evolutions. These attacks are not affected by Weakness, Resistance, or any effects on your opponent's Active Animons. After you have taken three turns, put this Animon onto your Bench, or discard this Animon if your Bench is full.

"Soooooo I used its Memory Fortuna Ability to use Koasion's UV Flurry for 200 hit points, which leaves it unable to attack..." Pinkie frowned for only a moment. "But it got the job done!"

"Pinkie..." Twilight slowly slid off of the stool she was sitting on, her corona grabbing her cards and beginning to pile them up. "That's the fifth game you've beaten me at. How'd you get so good?"

The party pony didn't answer right away, instead gathering up her own cards and putting them in her saddlebag. She made sure to grab her lucky coin, too, slipping it into the front pocket. All the while, a smile remained on her face, even though Twilight's flabbergasted gaze was boring into her.

She hopped off the stool and slung the saddlebag along her back, only remembering to grab the official paper template for the game at the last minute and slipping it in.

Her mouth opened.

"I've been playing this game long before it became an Equestrian hit, Twilight." She looked back at her friend. "That's how."

Twilight just stared in disbelief.

"Well, gotta get back to the bakery! If you ever want some cooleriffic tips, come see me!" Pinkie began hopping away. "Toodle-oo to you!"

Twilight's expression began to twist.

Before she knew it, she was galloping back to the castle, saddlebag in teeth and fire in her eyes.

As she swung open the library door, Starlight jumped in her seat and stared at the alicorn for a few moments in shock before a smug smile formed on her face.

"Operation 'Buck Meta Decks' didn't work, huh? You ready to make one now?"

A huff of air blew from Twilight's nostrils as her eyes became narrowed.

"...Yes."

"Good. I'll go get the books."

Author's Note

I know I made the reference way too obvious, but if I'm being honest? I do not care. :ajsmug:

This isn't a good attempt and most definitely won't win, but I tried. That's what counts. I'll probably make four more fics for the contest and see where things go from there.

Don't take this too seriously, though. It's Pinkie. Universal law is that no one questions Pinkie.