Finding Your Family

"Now, Twilight, I think it's great that you want the flagship at the front of the fleet where everypony can follow its lead, but I think that's maybe exposing it a little too much."

"What are you talking about, Thorax? Having the ship out front gives the head of the fleet all of the information on the enemy it's intercepting. The commander of the fleet needs that information as soon as possible!"

"Yes, but that's what a comms officer is for. Keeping the commander at the rear means he can see everything that his team is doing, without the need to have multiple comms teams to relay that information back, sometimes stepping over each other. He can more easily issue vital orders forward without having to turn around."

"Or she," corrected Twilight, "and it's easier for the crew to hear those orders when their forward-facing ears are pointed in the same direction as the captain."

Thorax narrowed his eyes as he leaned forward. "Alpha six," he growled.

"Hit," answered Spike, putting a red peg on Twilight's aircraft carrier.

"Bravo six!"

"Hit."

"Charlie six!"

"Hit."

"Delta six!"

"Hit."

"Echo six."

"Hit and sink."

Thorax leaned back. "Now, where is your destroyer?"

Spike sighed. They had played Battleship so often that they'd made up their own rules, and had accused each other of cheating time after time. Spike's job now was to moderate their game and make sure that their decisions did not violate any of their made-up rules.

"Spike, I'd like to move my Destroyer," announced Twilight.

"It's not your turn," announced Spike. "Thorax's turn ended with a hit, which gives him another turn."

Thorax brought his hoof up to his chin. "If moving your ship is what you're trying to do... India two."

"Hit."

Twilight lowered her head into her hooves.

"Juliet two."

"Hit, sink and match."

"Well done," offered Twilight, pushing her hoof forward.

"And to you as well," Thorax answered, pulling her hoof toward him and kissing it. "Best of seventy-one?"

There was a knock at the door, and Spike stood up, wobbling a bit, as he'd been sitting all day. As he opened the door, he issued his canned response. "Apologies, but Princess Twilight and King Thorax are currently engaged in an accurate representation of a naval battle simulation to help tune the adequacy of the Equestrian Royal Navy and the allied Changeling Royal Navy. Please come back during public audience hours."

"Looks like they're just playing Battleship," snorted Pinkie, bouncing in. "Yesterday, they were bouncing on the bed!"

Both Twilight and Thorax blushed and looked away, covering the back of their necks with their hooves.

"Uh huh," sighed Spike. "Now's not the time to bother them, Pinkie."

"That's fine," said Pinikie. I wasn't going to bother them, anyway. I was going to bother you!" She grabbed Spike by the elbow and tugged him toward the door. "Twilight, I'm borrowing your assistant for a few minutes!"

"Take your time," answered Twilight.

"I'm inclined to ask why," inquired Thorax.

"We have to plan his bachelor party!" answered Pinkie.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa!" interjected Thorax. "As Spike's best bug, not only is it my responsibility to plan out the bachelor party, but also to deliver the first speech. How else am I supposed to earn my place right by his side during the wedding?"

Twilight turned to Thorax. "Wait, he asked you to be his best bug?"

"Please don't take it personally, Twilight," begged Spike. "I can only choose one. I can't make you, Shining, Thorax and Big Macintosh the best mare, stallions and bug all at once. You're wonderful, but I couldn't decide between you, and I just happened to see Thorax first."

"You can help plan the party and write the speech," offered Thorax, wrapping his hoof around Twilight's shoulders. "We can still do it together."

Pinkie sat down. "Right then. Now that the party planning committee is all here, let's begin."

"First things first," proclaimed Thorax, "let's talk venue. There're some really great new spots back at the hive; they're a little experimental, but--"

"Oh, no," waved Twilight. "You're talking about the one you told your brother about last month?"

Thorax's face turned red. "I thought you were asleep."

Twilight shook her head. "You're not taking him there. He may be more mature than most dragons his age, but he's marrying Scootaloo, not a changeling that looks like Scootaloo. We'll be having the party here in the castle, and we have to protect the image of the castle as a place that is dignified."

"My changelings are very practised at their craft. They can arrive looking like dignitaries and turn into six different Scootaloos when they're inside."

"I said no."

"Well, fine, then. I'll take him to the hive, and we'll make our own party! With Blackjack! And hookers!"

"Can't we just... not?" asked Spike.

"See?" glared Twilight. "Spike doesn't want anything to do with your gambling."

"Blackjack isn't gambling," waved Thorax. "It's a game of skill and strategy. Roulette is gambling. Slots are gambling. Blackjack is not gambling."

"It's also not the problem," sighed Spike. "Just... No hookers, and don't downgrade it to strippers, either. Please, keep it tame..."

"Huh," huffed Pinkie. "You know, that's just what Scootaloo said yesterday."

"Really?"

"Yeah. She also said not to ever mention that this is the last party she'll ever be allowed to attend without Spike being invited along with her, and also not to mention that she's never going to be allowed to mount a stallion again."

Spike swallowed. He wasn't sure why she would stipulate any of that, but the fact that she had unnerved him. That she had even thought about it being a trap at all made him question whether or not it was a good idea to go through with this.

"How about Apploosa Hold-em?" offered Thorax. "That's a game that takes a lot of strategy and skill."

"Oh, yeah?" challenged Twilight. "Prove it."

"Gladly. Spike?"

Spike looked up, sweating. "What?"

"Apploosa Hold-em," repeated Thorax, sliding him a deck of cards.

"Oh. Right."

"Deal me in, too," said Pinkie, sliding around the table. "Minimum bet, two peppermints." She dumped a small bucket of peppermint candies on the table, dividing them up between the players, including Spike.

Thorax pushed one candy forward as the small blind. "Twily, you have to put two candies forward before Spike can deal. That's how the blind bets work."

"Uh huh..."