Finding Your Family

"Three of a kind!" Discord shouted, laying his cards out on the table. Seven and six of clubs, queens of diamonds and spades, and the king of hearts.

"Sir," sighed the dealer, "that's only a pair of queens. The other face card is a king."

"How dare you!" shouted the king suddenly. "I didn't choose to be this way, I was printed this way! I am not a king, but a queen!"

Discord folded his arms. "And here I thought this was a nice place. I didn't realize that my dealer was transphobic!"

Not wanting to cause a scene, the dealer pushed the pile of chips toward Discord.

"Hey, that's not fair!" shouted Licorice Snap, who legit had three of a kind. "I had three sevens!"

"How dare you!" shouted the seven. "I'll have you know that I've never eaten a nine in my life! I'm a one, I was just leaning to one side. Or does that confuse you?"

Licorice pushed his cards forward, completely ignoring the fact that "one" does not exist in a standard deck of playing cards.

That's when Fluttershy stepped in, pushing the chips right back toward Licorice. She turned to Discord and scowled. "This is the second time I've caught you cheating. First, you try to pull five aces, and now this? Do I need to take you back home for the rest of the night?"

"Oh, lighten up," chuckled Discord. "These chips are worthless, anyway. It's not like I can cash these out for bits at the end of the night..."

"It's still cheating, even if you don't take their money," barked Fluttershy, landing on the table and walking closer. Without breaking her gaze, she grabbed another stack of Discord's chips and scooted them back towards Licorice. "I'll not warn you again."

Spike chuckled. While this was the second time Fluttershy had caught him, Discord had cheated five times that Spike had caught. He hadn't said anything, though, as it was at least entertaining, and because Discord's cheating had only twice benefitted himself. The other three times, it had benefitted nopony, just going from a less exciting group of hands to a more valuable one. A pair of threes beating a pair of twos was fine, but a straight flush being beaten by a royal flush was way more interesting and exciting, even if the outcome was the same.

"Your drinks, sirs," mentioned a server, extending a tray between Spike and Thorax. Spike took his lowball of bourbon on the rocks, with actual emeralds being the chilled rocks he would use. Thorax and Pharynx both had a glass of red wine, unchilled and warm. Pharynx, however, had asked for half an orange slice to be placed in his glass.

"So, how do you like tonight's activities?" asked Phanynx, swirling his merlot. "Having fun so far?"

Spike nodded. "It's been good so far. I think I might move over to blackjack before too long, but not quite yet. I want to see how some of this plays out, first."

"Well, don't drink too much. We wouldn't want to ruin what we have coming up."

"Hey, don't spoil the surprise," whined Thorax, setting his glass of port down on a coaster. "He already saw the tables hours before the party. Let him keep at least one surprise..."

Spike shook his head. "I already saw the cake, too. Butterscotch ice cream is a good setup, and it's thankfully nice and big. Plus, I was in the planning committee. I know what's going to happen. It's no surprise, but I'll enjoy it anyway."

As he lifted his drink to his lips, however, he very nearly spat it out. Discord had swapped out his emeralds for amethysts, and he didn't notice until he tasted them. He knew it had been Discord, because while everypony else looked mildly concerned, Discord was chortling with glee.

"No surprises, eh?" smiled Discord, tenting his fingers in front of his snout. "That sounds like a challenge to me. Prepare yourself for the unexpected."

A few seconds passed in silence as Spike looked around, trying to find out what Discord had prepared.

"What are you looking for?" questioned Discord. "If you could see it coming, it wouldn't very well be unexpected, now would it? If you expected it, that makes it not an unexpected event. Come now, Spike, you know better than that..."

Spike sat back in his seat. He checked his glass before taking another drink, this one bigger. "Very well. Hit me with your best shot."

Discord shrugged and shook his head. "If you insist."

He folded his arms and everypony watched in silence as the two had a staring contest. This was perhaps the most still Discord had ever been without first being turned to stone. He didn't move, didn't blink, he just sat there and stared at Spike. And Spike just sat in his own chair and stared back.

After two and a half minutes of silence, Discord fell over, to shocked gasps from the crowd. Many of the ponies that had been watching were behind him, and hadn't caught the moment when Discord replaced himself with a cardboard cutout of himself. Only Fluttershy seemed to be able to guess where he went, as she fluttered up to the ceiling right away and pulled him out of the chandelier.

"Now, nonsense is fine for having fun, but this is supposed to be a quiet, dignified evening. I shouldn't have to fly in my evening gown, letting everypony see my undergarments, nor should I have to climb up onto the table. Discord, you promised you would behave yourself, and you're on thin ice, mister." She turned to Spike next. "And you shouldn't be antagonizing him."

"Right. Sorry, Discord," sighed Spike, extending his claw.

"Oh, apology accepted," smiled Discord. As he shook Spike's claw, Spike pulled away, as Discord had a very sticky claw. "Oh, sorry about that. I was making a sandwich earlier with jellies and jams, and one of them must have ended up stuck there."

"It's fine," sneered Spike. "I'll just go wash it off."

As Spike went into the lavatory to wash his claw in the sink, he questioned how Discord had managed to play a dozen hands of five-card draw without marking the cards with strawberries and sugar. A few seconds after he walked through the door, a shriek was heard, and he burst out, his face bright red. As the fake colts' room sign slid out of the way to reveal the fillies' room sign, he composed himself, and went in the other door.