My Past Is Complicated

“My room looks oddly different,” I mumbled to myself as I sat up in bed. I looked around with a raised eyebrow and sighed. I had my typical baking supplies all over my room and posters of cupcakes and cake on the walls along with pictures of my sisters and I. But it still seemed different in a way I couldn’t describe. Like I wasn’t alone.

I heard faint movement to my left and glanced over at it. I was hoping Limestone didn’t accidentally let her pet lizard out again. As much as I liked Scales, I didn’t like waking up with him on my face or chest. The wall shimmered and I poked it curiously and it rippled.

“Oh it’s a dream!” I giggled and clapped my hands. A large cake appeared in front of me and I grinned.

“I don’t think you should be happy when Sunset isn’t. After all, you took her smile.” I glanced back to the left and stared in fear as multiple clones of me started to melt out of the darkness.

“W-what the heck is that?” I mumbled as more and more clones started to appear. They all were repeating the same phrase.

“Why would you do that?” They kept getting closer and I pressed my hands to my head, covering my ears.

“Because I was scared!” I shouted. The clones froze and stared at me.

“So that’s the reason? You were scared?” I looked forward and a copy of me stepped to me. She had blue hair among her pink curls and white skin with pink. Her eyes were mostly red. “Imagine how Sunset feels. She’s literally been turned into a target and you did nothing to help her.” The other clones disappeared as she waved her hand and she glared at me coldly.

“You wouldn’t understand,” I mumbled. “I thought all of the times we had together were fake. I love her for God’s sake! I’m happy she and Derpy are happy don’t get me wrong but still. I wanted that to be me, damn it! I wanted to be the one with her in Equestria. I wanted to be the one sharing a bed with her and yet here I am. Alone as always.”

“I do understand because I am you. That’s the stupidest thing ever. If you loved her, then you should have stuck with her. Because that’s what people do. Instead you turned your back on her like the other former elements did.”

“I was afraid of losing them. I was afraid of getting hurt by the other students. I’m not like Rainbow or Applejack or Sunset! I’m not brave. I’m not strong and I’m not a hero. I’m Pinkie Pie for crying out loud. I’m a coward who let’s others take the lead. I always watch from the back and follow orders!” I shouted and wiped a tear away. “I’m not strong enough to stand up to anyone! I sure as heck didn’t stand up to Gilda when she was bullying me and Fluttershy!”

“Sunset was afraid of losing you guys. She has been getting hurt these past few weeks and you’ve all watched,” my clone countered angrily. “I honestly can’t help you any further. You and I aren’t the same anymore. It takes courage to stand up to friends.”

“I don’t have that! I’m not like the others. I’m the entertainment of the group, that’s all!” I defended myself. “It’s not easy being the laughingstock of everything twenty four seven!”

“Then change their opinion!” She shoved me off the bed and I fell with a thud on the floor. “Make them see you differently? You think Sunset just stood by and did nothing? Hell no. She bent over backwards for you and the rest of the school. Shows how much you all actually believed in her.”

“I’m sorry! I’ll figure it out myself. I’m not sure how though,” I stood up and sighed. “My rear hurts.”

“Sorry about that. I may have gone overboard,” she admitted sheepishly as her hair turned blue. I took a nervous step back as her eyes turned red and the pink skin was completely white. “I’ll see you around. You’ll need me in the future.”

“What does that mean?” I asked as she walked out of my room. I quickly chased after her and the hallway stretched on forever it seems. A dark hole opened under me and I screamed as I fell. I shot up in bed, panting and crying.

“Oh my god that was terrifying,” I mumbled as I fearfully looked around my room. I really hated the idea of falling. It was the scariest thing. People laugh at you and all. And if you fall from high enough you will die and I like living. Living is good. If I was dead, I couldn’t eat cake or cupcakes or share them with my friends. I haven’t been giving out baked goods recently after the most recent anon a miss post said both me and Bon Bon had a feeder fetish whatever the heck that was. I was probably the most innocent of the group along with Fluttershy. The others still haven’t told me what a feeder fetish was. I curled into a ball and cried.

“You girls looked awful! Are you sleeping well?” Rarity asked as I idly played the drums. What once was a happy activity for me rarely makes me happy anymore. Rainbow had dark bags under her eyes and Applejack looked utterly exhausted.

“I’m fine. Just tired is all,” Rainbow mumbled. “Haven’t been sleeping well these past few days.”

“Ah’ll be fine,” Applejack muttered as she tossed a chocolate milk container into the can. “Two points.” All eyes fell on me as they stared at me worriedly. I hadn’t been talking since I got to school. I’ve been just avoiding everyone. I quickly stood up and threw my lunch away.

“I’ll be back. I’m going to the bathroom. Don’t wait for me guys. Totally not going to cry again.”