Rainbow Dash, Your Fanfiction Is Weird!

by errant

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Rainbow Dash, Comedy, Quibble Pants, Sex, Twilight Sparkle, Profanity
Length: 2563

Twilight and Rainbow have a disagreement: is it weird that Rainbow writes steamy self-insert fanfiction starring herself and Daring Do?

Rainbow Dash and Twilight Sparkle are true, fire-forged friends. The strength of their bond has been tested by villains, adventures, and the little frictions of day-to-life.

There is, however, one bitter point of contention between them - an argument that is never put to rest no matter how many times it is rehashed.

Twilight thinks it is really, completely weird that Rainbow writes steamy self-insert fanfictions between herself and her personal idol Daring Do.

Rainbow thinks it is really, completely normal and Twilight is just being a prude (and needs to stop bugging her about egghead things like commas and verb tenses).

[Sex tag for discussion about erotic literature - nothing graphic or descriptive]

Published 2023-06-26 14:50:02 UTC
Last updated 2023-06-26 14:50:02 UTC

One and Done

The sun shone brightly on a clear summer day while Princess Twilight Sparkle flapped her way through the sky with all the fluidity of a brick that's temporarily forgotten how gravity is supposed to work.

"Come on, Rainbow!" she called to her flying companion who soared behind her and to her right, kept aloft by easy strokes of her wings. "You're falling behind!"

Rainbow Dash just snorted in disdain. "Filly, please. I could outfly you with one wing tied behind my back."

"That's not how aerodynamics work," Twilight snapped back.

"Who needs aerodynamics when you're awesome?" Rainbow retorted.

"Who needs friendship when you're a total showoff?" Twilight countered, before she gave a loud, triumphant whoop of joy and dove down into a steep dive. "Last one to your house is a . . ."

She never finished the sentence, because at that moment a cerulean blur rocketed past her, outracing the crack of thunder as she broke the sound barrier with the same effort most ponies used to trot down the street.

Twilight glared after her as she pulled up out of the dive and flapped her way to a graceful landing on the sculpted cloud that formed the structure of Rainbow's home, floating gracefully just outside Ponyville (and conveniently outside the borders in which Ponyville could extract taxes from her). As her hooves touched down, she had to remind herself that there was no need to cast the cloud-walking spell - her pegasus anatomy charged the bottom of her hooves with a magical field that repelled the molecules of water in the clouds with even greater intensity than they normally did towards solid matter, courtesy of the Poulain Exclusion Principle.

"What's the matter, Twilight? Not as aerodynamic as you thought you'd be?" Rainbow Dash stood in front of the cloud house's open front door, smirking as she leaned against the wall.

Twilight rolled her eyes and levitated her saddlebag and books off her back. "I was perfectly aerodynamic," she said, trotting through the cloudy doorway into Rainbow's home. "I was just a little slower than you."

"It's okay, Twilight. So's everypony," Rainbow quipped.

Twilight sighed as she entered the foyer, the cloud house’s interior made from solidified, magically-shaped clouds polished by pegasus magic until they resembled marble. It was very pretty - and Twilight knew that it was also very comfortable for ponies who preferred to take wing thanks to Rainbow Dash's insistence on having as much 'flying' space as possible, and the way she'd magically woven the cloud structure to mimic the look and feel of ancient Roam, graceful sculpted columns and sweeping, arched windows included. "Yeah, yeah. How about something to drink after our trip?" she suggested, walking through the cloudy foyer and into the living room. "We had to fly all day, after all."

"Sure," Rainbow agreed, trotting through the living room and into the kitchen. "How about some nice, cool apple cider?"

Twilight gave a noncommittal grunt. "I'd rather just have some water, if you don't mind."

"Fine by me," Rainbow replied from inside the minor disaster area formally known as her kitchen. "Go ahead and make yourself comfortable."

"Thanks," Twilight said, trotting over to the lone couch and plopping herself down onto it with a level of grace and decorum that would certainly fail to impress anypony who assumed Princesses came equipped with poise and grace as standard features. She placed her saddlebags down on the floor beside her and then levitated out her prize, the books she and Rainbow had flown all the way to Canterlot to purchase, the newest adventure of a certain courageous pegasus hero: 'Daring Do and the Kingdom of Umbra'."

Rainbow Dash popped back into the living room, two cups balanced on her outstretched wings. "Here you go," she said, passing one of the cups to Twilight.

Twilight accepted it gratefully and took a sip. "Thank you," she said. As Rainbow turned to sit down herself, Twilight spied a pile of papers sitting on the couch next to her. Picking them up to relocate them lest she accidentally spill some water on them, she glanced briefly at the words they bore. First, her eyebrow arched, then a deep blush flared across her face and her wings sprang to extension in surprise. "Rainbow, are you still writing these?" she cried.

"What are you talking about?" Rainbow asked, settling onto the couch with a casual ease that belied the fact that she was balancing a cup of water on one wing and had just grabbed her novel from Twilight’s book in her front hooves. "Of course I'm still writing them."

"But . . . but . . ." Twilight spluttered. "But they're . . . they're about you and Daring Do!"

"Uh, yeah," Rainbow replied with a confused look on her face. "Isn't that the point of fanfiction? It's about the characters you like, and you write what you'd like them to do."

"But this is different!" Twilight shouted, waving the papers in Rainbow's face. "This is about you and Daring . . . doing things together! Very intimate things!"

"You mean having sex?" Rainbow replied, smirking.

"Yes!" Twilight yelped. "Sex scenes, with you and a pony who really exists and who you know personally! It's bucking weird!"

"Well, what about your fanfiction, then?" Rainbow demanded, glaring at Twilight. "You write about ponies doing things too! Why is it weird that I write about me doing things?"

Twilight flushed an even deeper red. "Because I write about fictional ponies! That's normal!"

"So? You still write about ponies doing it!" Rainbow protested.

"Well . . ." Twilight said, pausing for a moment to consider what Rainbow had just said. "But they're not about me, or somepony I actually know!"

"So?" Rainbow demanded again, setting her novel aside and folding her forelimbs across her chest. "How's that make it any different? The characters are still yours and they’re just doing what you want them to.”

"But it's . . ." Twilight paused again, still uncertain as to how to respond. "I . . . it just seems perverted!"

"Look," Rainbow said, sighing and rolling her eyes in exasperation. "It's just a bit of fun, and you're just being a prude."

"I am not!" Twilight cried. "I’m just not . . . comfortable . . . with this whole thing."

"What? Are you really going to let a little thing like sex make you feel uncomfortable?" Rainbow asked with a disbelieving snort.

"It's not about sex!" Twilight retorted, her voice rising in pitch and volume. "It's about how you're writing about Daring Do having sex with you! She's a real pony, one that you know personally, and it's rude of you to write things like that about her!"

"It's not like she's going to know!" Rainbow shot back. "It's just a fanfiction. She'll never find out. It's just for fun!"

"How do you know that?" Twilight demanded.

"I just do," Rainbow replied with a shrug. "It's not like I'm gonna tell her."

"I still don't think you should do it!" Twilight said, pausing as she took another sip of her drink. "It's weird! And wrong!"

"Okay, you know what -" Rainbow said, throwing her hooves up in the air before being interrupted by the sound of a faint shout. "Oh, hey, that must be Quibble Pants!"

Twilight sighed, setting her drink down on the coffee table as she got up. "I'd better go help him up here, then. He'll need the cloud-walking spell."

"No need," Rainbow said, waving a wing at Twilight. "Just use your magic to levitate him."

"And have him fall through the floor as soon as I set him down?" Twilight asked, rolling her eyes as she trotted towards the door.

"Oh, I didn't think about that, hehe," Rainbow chuckled awkwardly.

Twilight rolled her eyes again. "I'll be right back," she said, and then flew out the door to go fetch her fellow Daring Do fan from the ground below.

"Okay, maybe I got a little carried away with the smut scenes," Rainbow muttered to herself as soon as Twilight had left, the words leaving her muzzle with all the grace and eloquence of a herd of stampeding buffalo. "But so what? Twilight's just being a prude, and I'm not gonna let her make me feel bad about it!"

Quibble Pants stumbled through the front door and into the foyer of Rainbow Dash's house, Twilight fluttering behind him. "And that's why Daring Do and the Cursed Amulet is totally noncanonical to Daring Do and the Lost Empire. Now, this new book, Daring Do and the Kingdom of Umbra, on the other hoof -"

"Uh, Quibble?" Rainbow interrupted with a flat look as he and Twilight took seats on her furniture.

Quibble had the grace to blush and bite his tongue. "Oops! Sorry, hehe . . . old habits, you know?"

"Yeah, yeah," Rainbow grumbled. "Look, I need an opinion from a fellow Daring Do fan. A real aficionado, and somepony who knows Daring's a real pony."

"Uh, okay? What's the question?" Quibble asked.

"Twilight thinks it's weird that I've written a couple of fanfics where Daring and I kinda . . . you know . . . have sex," Rainbow finished. "Twilight here thinks it's weird, and I think it's fine. What do you think?"

Quibble blinked. "Rainbow, that's weird as hay."

"Yes!" Twilight crowed.

"She's old enough to be your mom!" Quibble added before Rainbow could respond.

Rainbow scowled. "So what? Older mares can't be sexy? Hay, she's the same age as Twi's mom and she's a hot piece of flank!"

"EX-BUCKING-SCUSE ME!" Twilight yelped, wings flaring wide in shock.

"Okay, maybe 'hot piece of flank' was kinda rude," Rainbow admitted.

"Oh, you think?" Twilight demanded.

"But you know what I mean," Rainbow continued, ignoring Twilight's protests. "So what if she's old enough to be my mom? That doesn't mean she isn't attractive."

"Wait, are you talking about Daring or Twilight's mom now?" Quibble asked.

"Uh, hello? I'm right here," Twilight said, waving a forelimb in the air.

"It doesn't matter," Rainbow said, continuing her conversation with Quibble as if Twilight hadn't spoken. "That's not the point. What matters is, do you think it's weird that I'm writing fanfics about Daring and me?"

Quibble scratched his chin thoughtfully. "Well, yeah, it is kind of weird, especially given how much older she is. But I don't see what the big deal is - it's just fanfiction, after all. It's just a fantasy at the end of the day."

"It's not about how old she is, Quibble!" Twilight insisted. "It's about how she's writing about a real pony! You know, one that we actually know? And she's writing about her doing sexual things! It's just . . . well, it's just rude!"

"Have you ever thought about a pony you found attractive? You know, fantasized about being with them?" Quibble asked, shrugging. "Is that rude, so long as you keep it to yourself?"

"No," Twilight admitted. "Because it's private, and it stays in your head. And . . ." she trailed off.

"And what?" Quibble pressed. "Go on, finish your sentence."

"I don't think that's something to talk about in front of ponies," Twilight finished with a blush.

"It's fine!" Quibble replied. "We're all grown mares and stallions here! We're allowed to have dirty thoughts."

"I don't have dirty thoughts!" Twilight insisted. “None that I’d want to share, anyway. They’re just fine staying in my head where they belong.”

"I do," Rainbow admitted, smirking. "My dirty thoughts about Daring Do are really dirty. In fact, I can't wait to write more of them tonight! Hay, maybe Daring Do and her loyal companion will hook up with a certain older unicorn mare from Canterlot as part of their adventure."

Twilight spluttered for a few moments before she managed to find her voice. "Please don't do that," she said, her voice dropping to a pained whisper. "It's wrong."

"Look," Rainbow said, rolling her eyes. "I was just joking about writing about your mom. Besides, you're the one who keeps bugging me about my fanfiction."

"But . . ." Twilight said, trailing off. "I just . . . it's just weird to think about, that's all."

"Maybe you're both just weird," Quibble suggested with a smirk.

"What?" Rainbow demanded.

"You're both equally weird," Quibble said again. "You're both writing about ponies bucking." Rainbow opened her mouth to respond, but before she could say anything Quibble interrupted her. "And that's okay! You both have your own ways of enjoying writing, but you both still enjoy it, right?"

"Well . . ." Twilight said, trailing off.

"And Twilight's not going to stop writing because you don't like what she writes," Quibble added, glancing at Rainbow pointedly.

"Of course not!" Twilight replied, shaking her head vigorously.

"And Rainbow's not gonna stop either, just because you don't really like what kind of fanfics she writes," Quibble said.

"Hay no!" Rainbow agreed.

"Well, you should just let each other enjoy things your own ways," Quibble said. "You're both just trying to have fun." He stopped, frowning in thought. “Now why does that sound familiar?”

"He’s right," Rainbow said, smirking and poking Twilight in the shoulder. "It's just a bit of fun, and you're just being a prude."

"I am not!" Twilight protested, gently flicking Rainbow on the nose with her wing.

"Sure you aren't," Rainbow said, grinning as she poked Twilight back.

"Look," Twilight said, rolling her eyes as she leaned back and playfully batted Rainbow's wing away. "I still think it's really, really weird that you're writing these fanfics, but . . . that doesn't mean you should stop. You're not really hurting anypony, and I guess I shouldn't complain about anything that broadens your literary horizons."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever," Rainbow said, rolling her eyes. "It's just a bit of fun, right? Just for fun?"

"Just for fun," Twilight said, nodding in agreement. "Now, how about we get back to reading these new books so we can talk about them without spoiling each other?

"New non-canonical books, you mean," Quibble interjected.

"We know," Rainbow and Twilight chorused, rolling their eyes in unison.

"But we'll still read them anyway," Twilight added, smiling as she levitated her book into the air and began to flip through the pages.

"Yeah, yeah," Rainbow said, opening her own book.

"Even if the first three books were better, I still like talking about them with you two," Quibble Pants said, cracking open his copy.

"Oh, and Rainbow?" Twilight asked, attention already being sucked into the newest adventure story. "Remind me to teach you about the difference between how to use commas and how you mutilated them in that fic of yours."

"Huh? Oh, sure," Rainbow said, a sheepish blush spreading across her face. "I'll, uh, I'll do that. Later. Totally."

Two disbelieving chuckles answered her, and with that three friends turned their attention to their respective books, content to simply enjoy each other's company now with the promise of lively conversation later.

Author's Note

So, I was thinking about how it would have been nice to see Rainbow, Twilight, and Quibble Pants form a little Daring Do fan group and appreciate their love for the books together . . . and then this happened.

Likes, comments, and such are always appreciated!