The Adventures of Nora the Human Prostitute

"Yo, Rarity."

Nora wasn't quite sure why she was often so blasé in her greeting to the fashionista - she didn't put on a hyper-casual act with anypony else. Perhaps Rarity's natural stiff, prissy aura just made Nora instinctually veer toward the direct opposite with her speech patterns. Who could say.

"'Yo' yourself, darling," she said with a wink.

These ponies, man. Such goofballs sometimes. Nora chuckled behind a hand.

"Something amusing, dear?" inquired the marshmallow-hued pony.

"Oh, nothing really, it's just funny hearing you say that word," she confessed.

"Whyever would that be? I can be 'hip' and 'with it', too, you know!" she bounced back uncharacteristically, before giggling herself. Someone was clearly in a silly mood. "Would you like to come in?"

"Actually, I was hoping we could stand around outside for a couple hours and chat," she said, gesturing at the busy streets behind her.

"Okay, we can discuss your underclothes in public if you like."

"Kidding, Rarity! Kidding!"

Nora beckoned with her hands, making her intent known as Rarity made a move to step out of her front door. She retracted at the human's interjection, smiling wryly. Oh, she knew all right... Nora didn't usually try this kind of banter with Rarity, for fear of her taking something the wrong way, but today it was her on the back foot.

The strangely mischievous mare invited her in, and they sat down in her work room, piles of fabric towering around them. It was almost a touch claustrophobic, actually.

She was presented with a saucer and filled teacup as they exchanged further pleasantries - lady stuff. Nora didn't mind it. You tended to get this more with Rarity and Fluttershy, as opposed to the blunt directness of the group's own pair of athletes. Different vibes with different pones, she supposed.

When the idle chatter died down a notch after only a few minutes, Rarity placed her front legs on the table between them, getting down to business.

"Now, about why you're here, darling."

"My top, yeah. Is it ready?"

She had brought a stash of bits to reimburse her friend. She was half worried that Rarity would insist on working for free, otherwise. She was like that with her friends, and throw in Nora's 'unique form' being a prime opportunity for experimental styles, and one may find the unicorn in a mood to decline payment. She had given Nora a lot of gear for nothing in return already. Still, she had fought her enough on money before to be able to insist on compensating her. Even if she probably did wonder where the bits were coming from.

"It certainly is, darling," she said, moving to a freestanding screen at the end of the botique workshop. With an elegent flick of her horn, she threw the screen to one side. "Ta-da!"

It looked good. Dark in color with crimson lace and trim, just as requested. It'd show the goods a little, too. Racy, but... classy.

"It's wonderful, Rarity!"

The outfit was wrapped around a wooden mannequin torso, familiar in shape. It wasn't her first time seeing it. That had ended with her questioning why Rarity had made a dummy with her measurements. Of course, she responded, quite reasonably, that none of her other displays would work. Rarity had false ponies galore about her shop, and even some more exotic creatures too, now that Ponyville was more of a melting pot, all adorned with elegant outfits and fabulous fashion, but still, the idea of her bust being put up there for all to see was a bit embarrassing. It's not like there were any other humans around - it was obviously her chest. That was how she felt at the time, at least, and Rarity had assured her it wouldn't be left around when she wasn't making something for her. In hindsight, Nora didn't know why she had taken issue with it at all. Sure, it was kind of odd, but between then and now, a lot of ponies had seen a lot more of her than that facsimile would reveal. Case in point, her new low cut ensemble, that she'd have probably sucked a dozen dicks in before the end of the month.

"Isn't it just? Not my best work, mind. I obsessed over the material for what felt like weeks, darling!"

"It's only been a few days, Rare."

"Ah, but fashion moves faster than time, Nora."

Sage wisdom, no doubt.

"If you say so..."

Nora extended her right hand, feeling the material. Light, soft. Well made. Shoulderless and strapless to boot. She'd look dynamite in this.

"And that's not the only thing..."

Rarity sidestepped over to another workstation, picking up something by a sewing machine. Where was this going? Nora hadn't requested anything else. She really hoped Rarity hadn't thrown in any freebies, she worked hard enough as it was.

"Wuh?" was Nora's ineloquent response to the surprise. Rarity probably would have had something to say about articulation, but she suppressed it.

The unicorn wore another smile, one that seemed to barely contain itself on her face. It wasn't unusual to see her like this when she had something big to unveil. She was holding some canvas, the back of which faced Nora, concealing the contents of the image.

"You know how I'm always saying how inspired I feel working on items for you, darling?"

"Hmm, yeah..."

For some reason, she didn't like where this was going.

"Well, not only am I fascinted by your species electing to remain dapper at all hours of the day, I've also spent some time ruminating on the nature of the apparel you so adorably require."

Er...

"Er..."

What?

"And so, I put my brilliant mind to work. What kind of things am I making for you most often? Designs that hug the chest, and the waist. Those secret clothes of yours," she said with another wink. Ugh, why was she so hung up on the existence of bras and panties?! Nora wanted to keel over in embarrassment at the mare's enthusiasm with her unmentionables.

"Well, I figured, why should humans have all the fun? I could adapt that sort of design for a pony quite nicely. With my particular artistic skills, of course. And so..."

She flipped the canvas, showing Nora a detailed sketch of a mare showing off a pair of tight-fitting panties. From several angles. The damn thing was even labelled.

"I congratulate you on being the first to bear witness to my new avant-garde 'derrière delights' line!"

Oh, no no no. There was so much wrong with this.

Nora's mind melted slightly as her flustered panic broke out. She couldn't be serious, right? Rarity couldn't have known the cultural associations tied to underwear since ponies didn't, well, wear any, but surely she could tell that it wasn't normal to go waltzing around in it on the regular from the fact that Nora always had at least one degree of separation between her personal attire and the outside world... in Rarity's presence, anyway. Measurement-taking aside.

That wasn't the last of the problems. They looked ridiculous on a pony ass.

The tail looked like it'd get in the way too much, the mare in Rarity's sketch lifting it up awkwardly to fit the fabric hugging her flanks, and the sheer insanity of the portrayal of that tight, dinky little bit of satin smooshing two fat pony cheeks together would haunt Nora for years to come. She knew Rarity's influence in this town. She knew that if she launched pony panties to a crowd of innocent onlookers, they'd adopt it. See it as a cute, quirky trend. Nora couldn't take it. She'd have to move, lest she forever be faced with conversing with mares dressed like they belonged in the red light district while she's trying to barter for carrots at the town market.

"Well, don't be shy, what do you think?" Rarity prompted, scooting forward an inch eagerly in wait of feedback.

"Well..." Nora started. "Well... it's..."

She paused, unsure how to put this. How could this happen? It just wasn't fair.

"It's... different..."

"Isn't it just? Oh, I can see it now. This will be everywhere! A whole new set of clothes to market! Great for sales, too."

"Um, Rarity?"

"Yes, darling?"

"You can't."

Rarity paused, titlting her head with blissfully unaware musing. "Why ever not, darling? Don't you like it?"

"It's... it's just... well..."

Does. Not. Compute.

Nora's brain was on the verge of shutting down completely, when Rarity interjected once more.

"Darling? I've got something I'd like to say, if you please."

Nora looked up at her friend, though tearing her gaze away from her own shoes had been a mammoth task.

"Y..." was all she got out, the affirmation dying in her throat.

"You just got..."

"PRANKED!"

The voices synced up, taking her off guard. At once, a pink blur spun out from behind several stacks of fabric, cartwheeling without difficulty from either the crowdedness of the room or the laws of physics. The blur slowed down, skidding along the floor on its hooves, until the culprit stood before her, wrapping a hoof around Rarity's neck as the two stared up at Nora with big, beaming smiles.

"Got you!" cried Pinkie, gleefully sticking out her tongue.

"Oh, ohohoh," started Nora, half laughing, half crying. She had never been so relieved to be pranked.

"Come now, darling. Did you really think I'd do such a thing? Such attire looks gorgeous on you, don't get me wrong, but some things should stay on two legs," said the perky Rarity.

"I can't agree more," said Nora, relief still washing over her. "Hah, haha."

She laughed in a stilted manner, like someone coming down from the verge of a heart attack.

"We figured you looked kinda glum, and wanted to remind you we're your chums!" said Pinkie, balancing on a single hoof as her legs strutted out in all directions.

"And when Pinkie here approached me with the idea of pranking you, I had just the thing in mind!" said Rarity with some delight. So it wasn't Nora's imagination - she had been in a good mood.

"Oh thank god," she whispered under her breath. "Well, you girls got me good. Does this mean I have to prank you back?"

"Ooh, yeah, do me first, me first!" screamed Pinkie, apparently pleased with the prospect of future victimhood.

"Well, I hope it brighened up your day a little, darling," added Rarity, with some more tact than her pastel friend.

"Between this and my new top, it's been a heck of a morning, alright," Nora conceded. She did wonder slightly what the motivation was. Pinkie said she'd looked down. Perhaps this was just a friendly welcome back to normality now that she and Twilight were on good terms again? Or maybe she had just seemed bummed out when she wasn't getting much in the way of custom the few nights prior. A lack of sex could really sour one's mood at times.

"I figured you were in a teasing mood, Rare. More than usual, at least."

"A lady never tells."

"I totally thought you were gonna burst out laughing, Rarity!" added Pinkie. "I nearly did a super fantupple ninja leap out of my totally secret hiding place to pull down on your smile, because it was thiiiiiis big," she finished, stretching her hooves out as far apart as she could to indicate the apparent measure of her pal's amusement.

"I, um, wouldn't go that far, dear," she said, "Though I must admit, the anticipation was getting to me, just a little."

"You were in such good spirits, I was going to suggest we change your name to Levity," Nora cracked.

"LEVITY! HA!" yelled Pinkie, doubled over and leaning into Rarity's face as she guffawed. The ladylike businessmare took a step to her side at this, getting out of the Pinkie's clutches.

"It wasn't that funny, Pink," Nora concluded, before stretching, mood now stabilized. "Well, glad you two had your fun, at least. I should grab my top. Oh, and your fee, Rarity," she remembered, bringing out a bag of sparkling coins and thrusting them at the white mare, who took them in a magical grasp.

"Always a pleasure, darling," the fashionista replied earnestly.

"You got much more to work on today?" she asked, content to continue with some milder conversation.

"Oh, I'm going gem hunting later. Our little Spikey Wikey is back from his trip! I'm meeting him at the castle next, actually."

"Oh, cool."

"Hey Nora!" came a thunderous voice to her left, reminding her of the other pony in the room. "You should totally tag along with me to Sugarcube Corner! I'm gonna bake up a batch of new, quadruple chocolate chip cookies! The likes of which the world has never seen before..." she squinted, her eyes darting left to right as she leaned in to punctuate the end of her sentence, adding an ill-fitting seriousness to the goofy remark.

Still, Sugarcube Corner was the Cakes' lair. Nora could do without that awkward situation in the making.

"Actually, I think I'll go with Rarity, see our favorite dragon boy. If that's okay with you, Rare."

"But of course, darling."

"Awwww."

Pinkie visibly, and quite literally, deflated, before immediately perking up again.

"Oh well," she summised. "All the more for me!"

And with that, the pink terror was gone, a spring in her step as she all but hopped out of the building without another word.

...Just Pinkie things.

The two remaining ladies exchanged a familiar dumbstruck glance, the kind always seen in the wake of Pinkie's antics.

"...Shall we?"

"Quite."

There was some fanfare at the castle, it seemed. A few of the gang had made their way over to celebrate the roving drake's return. Applejack and Fluttershy, to be precise.

"Howdy, ya'll," greeted the orange farmer.

"Um, hello," rounded off the timid pegasus.

The pair met Nora and Rarity in one of the many inner chambers, seemingly loitering and making small talk with one another when the duo arrived.

"Hey, gals," said Nora with a wave, while Rarity gave a polite nod. "Looks like Spike draws quite the crowd these days. He hasn't been gone that long."

"Oh, well, it's always nice to have a friendly face or two ready to greet-"

"Ah agree, lotta hullabaloo, ain't it?" interjected Applejack, cutting off Fluttershy's train of thought. Not forceful enough to continue, the butter-coated mare shrank under a raised wing, hiding. "Ah mean, ain't like this is the first time dragons have come to visit Ponyville. Still, ah suppose it's only neighobrly of us ta make a fuss."

Dragons? Plural? Nora wondered if AJ's accent was playing tricks on her comprehension skills, or if she had understood her correctly.

"Oh, I wasn't aware Spike was bringing guests," added Rarity, confirming to Nora that she hadn't misheard.

As if on cue, four figures walked in through an nearby entrance. The striking thing, to Nora, was that three of them walked in on two legs.

There was Twilight, flanked by two lumbering lizard-like bipeds, the likes of which she had never seen, with Spike trailing behind. Upon seeing Rarity, he natrually quickened his gait, eyes glossing over as puppy love gripped the sappy dragon. Nora, however, was more interested in the two behemoths in front of her - okay, they weren't giants, but given this was her first time not being the tallest creature in the room since she had teleported to magical horse land, it gave her pause for thought nonetheless.

She had enough context clues to put two and two together, though she never thought she'd actually see it with her own eyes. It was something she dreamt of seeing as a kid, and having two in front of her now actually felt stranger than arriving in Equestria in the first place. "Woah..." she exclaimed. "Real life dragons..."

This prompted a tugging at her leg, a slightly irate pint-sized dragon glancing up at her. "Um, hello," he said, clearly broken free of his Rarity craze by her remark, at least temporarily. "Real dragon, that you've known about for months, two feet in front of you."

"Oh, I just meant... uh... real life grown dragons!"

Her attempt to smooth things over had only made them worse, Spike's brow furrowing in frustration. Whoops.

"Not to say that we don't appreciate our little Spikey Wikey," chimed in Rarity, causing invisible hearts to fill the boy's eyes as he turned to her.

"Eheheh, well, I'm nothin' much, really."

As a scaly claw reached for his neck in faux humility, Nora mentally thanked Rarity for the save. Even if she could get away with calling him little and she couldn't.

She took some time to drink in the appearance of the new dragons. One was a striking blue; a pretty, lithe thing, she didn't look how Nora would have pictured such a creature at all. She seemed to carry herself with a degree of elegance and authority. Her counterpart was a dark-ish red, taller than the cyan dragoness, and counting his orange head fin thingies, he had a little height on Nora herself. He looked more the part of a beast, with sharp fangs jutting out of his overbite and more of a buff, combat-ready build. Like Spike, they carried themselves more like humans, especially in posture - the shoreter one had her hands on her hips, while the grumpy looking red one walked in with folded arms. His hardened stare broke, however, when he laid eyes on her.

"What the heck is that?!"

A pointed claw extended in Nora's direction in a near accusatory manner. Twilight took the opportunity to make introductions, befitting her role as friendship princess. Never off the clock, that pony.

"Ember, Garble, this is my good friend Nora," she said, plainly, though it was evident that the red one - Ember, she guessed from his color - wasn't exactly satisfied with this answer. His associate, having noticed her thanks to his outburst, also looked on curiously, though with less exasperated shock.

"I'm a human," she said lamely. Meeting new people - or, well, ponies, usually - wasn't always a blast. She got this a lot, and it got old quick. It wasn't that she didn't understand their curiosity - really, it was quite reasonable. But being on the receiving end of the same questions became draining. She counted herself lucky that the routine didn't crop up too frequently these days, with her presence in the small rural village well and truly established by now. Still, she was willing to put up with going through the same old song and dance if she got to talk to a couple of dragons for her trouble. Spike was one thing, but he was practically a pony in her eyes. He probably wouldn't appreciate that, but she couldn't help it, he had all their mannerisms, and he was only little, after all, even if his recent wings did give him the ego of a rebellious teenager sometimes.

"Nothin' I ever heard of. Are you some kind of pony pet or something?"

Nora actually contemplated this. Well, technically, that one time with the collar and leash...

Her thoughts, and the brash dragon's arrogance, were cut in twain by a well placed elbow to his side, his female counterpart wearing a slight frown.

"Garble, what did I tell you about first impressions?"

Oh, so he was Garble and she was Ember? Nora figured the reference to fire would suit the red one more, but maybe that was the influence of pony culture digging into her brain. The adorable equines often had names befitting of their looks - either their color, like Rainbow, or their cutie marks, like Applejack. Perhaps dragons would consider that profiling.

"Sorry about that. It's nice to meet you. I've never seen anything like you before," Ember finished, strolling up with an extended claw. Nora took it with a hint of trepidation, not knowing the strength of the being in front of her, but mostly with reverence and awe. She was touching a dragon! A real, living, breathing dragon! How cool was that?!

As she shook hands with the more mild-tempered of the two, she tried to find some words, realizing that it was her turn to speak.

"W-Well, I'm kind of one of a kind..." she said, trailing off as she maintained eye contact with the she-beast in front of her. Wise, orange eyes gazed back, as if pondering what to make of the entity in front of her.

Nora looked behind her, seeing that Spike was very much occupied talking to Rarity and the others, which caused her to feel a little less rude at paying him little attention, given this gathering was more or less in honor of him. Twilight and Garble moved in closer, and the four of them made a little square, conversation now fully in swing.

"You look freaky to me. You stand like a dragon, but you look soft and weak, like a pony."

"Garble!" Ember exclaimed, rubbing her temples and she closed her eyes in frustration. After a second, she looked back at Nora. "He's... new to this whole 'friendship' thing."

"That's actually why they're here!" chimed in Twilight, a grin sprouting on her muzzle.

"It was Spike's idea," continued Ember.

"And a certain dragon lord forced me to go," Garble pouted. Dragon lord, huh? He sounded powerful.

"Garble's actually made decent progress - he didn't even insult me when we met! But his attitude could still use, ah, fine tuning..." relayed Twi sheepishly, whether out of embarrassment at a prospective student not shining under her tutelage, or out of consideration for Garble's feelings. Probably the former, given the latter's apparent disinterest with friendship.

"And I figured the best way to learn was to see it in action. And I know ponies do friendship better than us dragons. Smolder's doing really great since she started school," informed Ember.

Dragon lord? Smolder? Too much information, too fast. It was like being in one of Twi's lectures. Nora tried to absorb as much as she could, even if she didn't have full context for everything just yet. If there was a dragon at a pony school, that'd have to be the school of friendship, currently out for summer. Nora's friends helped run the place, apparently, but she hadn't seen it in action herself.

"This almost sounds like one of those fabled 'friendship problems' I've heard so much about," Nora mused. "Well, nice to meet you both. What exactly are you hoping to see in town?"

"Ooh, I know," interrupted the purple alicorn, characteristically excited at the prospect of helping somepony. "Nora, YOU should show Ember and Garble around town!"

This drew in questioning looks from all three remaining conversationalists. Nora herself was the first to break the short silence that followed Twilight's suggestion.

"Uh... me?" she queried. It seemed a bit out of the blue.

"Sure, why not? You're new in town, so you know what it's like to have to adjust to pony ways, just like Garble!"

But not Ember, apparently? Nora wondered if she was like Spike, and lived with ponies. She did seem a bit more world-weary than he did, though, so perhaps not.

"With you and Ember both helping him acclimatize to how we do things, he'll pick it all up in no time! It's a one way ticket to mastering friendship, I guarantee!"

"I dunno..."

Truth be told, Nora was giddy at the prospect of getting to hang around with some non-ponies for a while, especially mythical creatures of such renown. She used to love dragons as a kid, and even if these ones didn't look like what had been portrayed in her childhood media, she was still down to get to know them. They seemed less stuffy and sugary-sweet than ponies, too, which made for a nice change of pace, since Equestrian life could get boring in its overly safe, predictable nature sometimes. It was like living in a kid's TV show, she would have sworn it.

But all the same, being responsible for them left her a little nervous. She didn't really know all that much about their species, though from what she remembered from Twilight's ramblings, they kept to themselves until fairly recently. That would certainly explain Garble's... disposition. She also remembered Rarity telling her that the Dragon Lands were less than savory. Her tone seemed to imply a hostile place. Perhaps even violent? Nora was sure it couldn't be worse than what humans were capable of, though.

"I think it's a great idea," agreed Ember, to Nora's surprise. "I've been to Ponyville before, but even still, some of these... customs... confuse me. And I may have a little trouble telling ponies apart still," she said, while Twilight shot her a look that betrayed some annoyance at this quality. "At least you stick out in a crowd."

She did make a lot of sense, putting it that way...

"Pfft, what do we need some weird creature for? She'll kill our buzz. C'mon, Ember, we dropped off Spike, let's just call it quits and-"

He had started to march off, only to be grasped by the wing by Ember, resolute and standing firm.

"No way, Garble, I let you off too easy for too long. I know you can do this. You're a good learner - better than you let on. We need more dragons to get the hang of this stuff, and I need dragons I can trust for the job. Strong, brave dragons," she added, appealing blatantly to his ego. The hollow compliments did wonders, however, and he suddenly seemed to reconsider.

"Well... fine."

"Then it's settled!" said Twilight, clapping her hooves together. "Nora'll be your guide for the time being."

The mare giggled cutely into her hooves.

"Well, alright... now, where do we start?"

Nora had said her goodbyes to Twilight, Spike, and the others, leading her new company out into the streets. She didn't know where to begin.

"So, Ember, you've been here before, right? What did you do?"

She put a talon to her chin pensively before responding.

"Not a lot. Spike double booked me with his changeling friend once, and he was too busy darting between the two of us for us to hang out much. Beside that, mostly just short diplomatic visits."

Changelings, huh? That had been in Twilight's famous dosier, as well. Nora felt like for some reason, some pony god of knowledge and studiousness had decided to make today into one big pop quiz for her. Any more unsolicited cultural info, and she'd have to stop by Quills and Sofas and start writing this all down.

All she remembered about changelings was that they, well, changed. Their shape, and apparently, as of late, their moral compass. If there was much more to it than that, Nora wasn't in the mood to find out, bringing herself back to the task at hand.

"Let's see, friendship, friendship... I guess the best way to learn it is to see it in action."

"Bor-ing!" Garble interjected in a sing-song voice, making a deliberate show of pretending not to listen. Nora rolled her eyes. If he was a typical dragon, the wonder of seeing them would wear off pretty quick.

"Where can we do that?" Ember asked with interest, after casting a sidelong glare at her male counterpart.

"Well... anywhere! There's friendship all around in Ponyville," Nora said, catching herself. Man, these ponies were rubbing off on her. She sounded just like one! She inhaled, thankful that she stopped where she did, or she may have started... singing. She shook off the thought with a shudder. No, no, that's just a dark fantasy. The day she broke out into song in public would be the day she truly lost her mind.

"Anyway..." she continued, trying to recompose herself, the patient Ember waiting for her to conclude, blissfully unaware of the human's narrowly averted internal crisis. "I think I have an idea where to start. The only problem is knowing where to find them."

Ember looked intrigued at this, and even Garble couldn't help but drop his 'la-la-la-la-I-can't-hear-you-la-la' act for a second. The two spoke up in unison.

"Find them?"

"Cutie Mark Crusaders, sailors extraordinaire!"

The fillies were abound on a custom made raft of surprising size and detail. It appeared to use bedsheets for sails, and mixed woods for the bulk of its construction, utilizing salvaged scraps and felled logs both. A majestic flag bearing a logo featuring their shared emblem served as its crowning glory.

Nora stood by the river bank, approaching while her trainees lagged behind slightly. "Yarr, there, maties!"

"Nora!" they chirped together.

"We ain't pirates," corrected Apple Bloom.

"Ah, of course not."

"Just sailors!" said Sweetie Belle, her voice cracking on the second word. That was always so adorable. It didn't happen as often as it used to, though, Nora lamented.

"And I'm the fearless captain!" declared Scootaloo.

"Uh, ah thought we agreed we was sharing the captain role?" chided Apple Bloom.

"Yeah, and it's my turn!"

"Is not!"

Their vessel was starting to slide away under the force of the current, so Nora took to walking alongside the water's edge to keep up. She beckoned over the pair of dumbfounded dragons.

"I was actually hoping you girls could..." they were already starting to get away again. Nora upgraded her leisurely walk into a light jog, while Ember and Garble hovered in the air behind her. "I was actually hoping you girls could help me!" she called out loudly, trying to reach them over the distance and the sound of their own bickering. "If you're not too, uh, busy."

The three stopped their verbal scuffle mid-sentence, freeze framing in aggressive poses for a second as they looked over at the hapless human, before their expressions turned soft once again.

"Well, sure thing, Nora! Always happy ta help!" said Apple Bloom.

"What do you need us for, though?" asked Scootaloo.

"Well, I'm trying to teach some friends about friendship," she said, gesturing at the dragons to her rear, "And when I think of unbreakable friendships, I think of you three!"

"Gosh, that's awful kind of ya," said Apple Bloom, blushing.

"Hey, if they're your friends already, why do they need friendship lessons?" asked Sweetie Belle.

Damn it, that was a good point. Nora thought on her feet, not wanting to have her plan thwarted by the unpredictable insight of a child. "Well, because-"

"Because we aren't friends," mumbled Garble, crossing his arms as a disinterested look washed over him.

Nora ignored him, hoping the girls wouldn't hear. "Because they aren't good at being friends with other people. Er, ponies."

She was pretty sure half the town was used to hearing her make that blunder by now, and only a few probably had the context for why.

"Aren't we more cutie mark consultants than friendship consultants?" asked Sweetie Belle.

"Ah thought we were specialists, not consultants," added Apple Bloom.

"Well I say we're advisors!" Scootaloo yelled.

"Consultants!"

"Specialists!"

"Advisors!"

Nora facepalmed. So much for Plan A.

"This is... friendship?" asked Ember. "It doesn't seem so different from things in the Dragon Lands after all! Is the one who emerges victorious from the conflict the one who wins the most friends? Oh, or their first choice of friend? Or, or, maybe they're like... the alpha friend? The Friend Lord?"

Nora's palm had barely left her face before turning about, finding itself right at home once more. "Friendship isn't a conflict. Sometimes friends fight, is all. Heck, sometimes when you can fight with someone and not stay mad, you know you're really good friends."

"Then... would you like to fight?" Ember asked, crouching slightly in what Nora assumed was a fighting stance.

"I didn't mean physically! I meant a fight of words."

"Like competitive slam poetry?"

"What?"

Nora thought she had heard Garble whisper something under his breath.

"Nothing!"

This day was not going to plan.

"But... they get to fight," Ember said, pouting a little as she pointed at the boat. It had sailed on beyond their range again as the trio had been ensnared in futile coversation. As Nora sprinted to reach the makeshift ship, she came level to the squabbling gaggle of small ponies, and sure enough, things had erupted into a physical scuffle, hooves flying in all directions.

"Lemme steer!"

"No, me!"

The ship beached itself on the muddy banks, and the three fillies stumbled over.

"What's gotten into you three? As if your bickering weren't bad enough, I thought you only pulled these crazy stunts back when you were trying to get your cutie marks."

Nora hadn't been there to witness their prior escapades, but they were the stuff of local legend. Knowing each of their sisters also probably played a role in her knowledge of events, to be fair.

"Don't you just help other ponies get their own, now?"

"That's what we were doing," said Sweetie.

Scootaloo nodded in agreement. "We were helping Driftwood with his soon-to-be-awesome sailing cutie mark!"

"Say, where is he?"

As if on cue, a small, runtish looking colt clawed his way up off the back of the raft, coughing up water.

Yeesh, thought Nora, good thing they stopped when they did.

"I've been... keelhauled."

He collapsed on the back of the ship in a daze.

"Driftwood!"

"Is he moving?"

"And does his flank look any different?"

Nora sighed in frustration as the trio turned to tend to the boy. Well, two tended to him - Scootaloo was just poking his flank with a stick, as if waiting for a cutie mark to appear.

"I don't understand," came a voice from behind her, taking her by surprise.

She turned to see Ember had caught up, with Garble in tow. He pointed and laughed at the sputtering pony on the raft. "Haha! Reminds me of one dorky little dragon I know."

An elbow to his ribs shut him up.

"Ow! Okay, I know I said I wouldn't say that anymore..."

"To be honest, Ember, I don't understand either," she confessed.

"What's with their obsession with those butt thingies?" asked Garble. It wasn't exactly eloquent, but at least he was finally taking an interest, sort of.

"Well, for ponies, their cutie marks reveal their destiny. I think."

"Well dragons don't have those," he complained, throwing out his hands. "What good is this to us?"

Good question.

Out of nowhere, a loud cracking sound erupted from behind them. Nora turned, only to see that the ramshackle boat had collapsed under the comibned weight of the four mini ponies standing in one spot.

"Get to the lifeboats!"

"There ain't any lifeboats!"

Nora sighed, again. She'd have to start keeping a tally.

Wading in ankle high, she pulled them out by the scruffs of their necks. She was pretty sure they could almost stand in this water - they were right by land, after all. She got poor Driftwood first, before grabbing the other three one by one and pulling them to shore.

"Ah told you ya shouldn't have wasted so much time prettying the thing up, Sweetie Belle! It needed structural honesty!"

"That's structural integrity," Sweetie corrected.

"Honesty!"

"Integrity!"

Driftwood, thankfully back on all fours, was looking at his own flank, which Scootaloo was still poking with a stick.

Guess they're having an off day.

"Let's... try something else."

Nora strode through Ponyville, her companions following closely, one with mild boredom, the other with mild perplexion. Nora herself felt mild exhaustion. This was going to be an uphill battle, it seemed, between Ember's well-meaning cultural misunderstandings and Garble's fiery temper. That her first bet hadn't paid off only added to her troubles. Twi had left too much responsibility at her feet. These weren't just random strangers, after all, they were practically representatives of another nation; it seemed the dragons didn't really get out much. Perhaps this sort of treatment was why.

"You've not been here very long, correct?"

Nora turned to the cyan reptile. "How could you tell?" she asked sarcastically.

"I think I would have heard about you on my last visit here, not too long ago," continued Ember, oblivious to the rhetorical nature of the question. "Where did you come from?"

"Far away," she answered plainly, not really wanting to get into the logistics of it all.

"Further than the Dragon Lands?"

"Much further."

"You don't have wings. How did you get so far? And are there more of you where you come from?"

Okay, time for a change of subject.

"I'd rather talk about you," she said. "I've never seen a dragon before," she paused, remembering her error from earlier, "Besides Spike, of course."

"We don't like hanging around puny little ponies," chimed in Garble.

"Lucky I'm not a pony then, eh?" she said with a wink, trying to lighten the mood, but earning nothing more than a roll of the eyes. With a sigh, she continued. "So what do dragons eat?"

"Anything that gets in our way!" declared Garble.

"Gems, mostly," admitted Ember.

Nora slapped her forehead. "Right, of course."

She had actually known that tidbit, having seen Spike chow down on more than a few varieties of the stones. Come to think of it, she had been shocked the first time she was party to one of his little snacks, aghast at the waste of such valuable rocks, until she learned they weren't so uncommon here.

"You can eat other stuff, though, right?" she asked, thinking again about Spike. He was hardly on a mineral-exclusive diet, after all.

"When it suits us. Why?"

"Have you ever tried a cupcake?"

"I don't think so."

"If you had, you'd remember. C'mon, this morning was a wash, let's get some lunch."

Nora's own rumbling belly was enough to motivate her suggestion, and she had the perfect place to take them: Sugarcube Corner. Sure, she normally steered clear since the incident with Mr. Cake, but she was tired of dodging Pinkie when she asked her to go there, like she had earlier, and with two dragons in her company, she was sure their presence would dominate the proceedings, leaving her nothing to worry about. Besides, a chance to introduce them to Pinkie may help smooth things over - sure, she could be a little annoying at the worst of times, but she had more friends than Nora had sexual encounters, so her résumé spoke for itself.

Garble actually pumped his fist that this. "Now you're speaking my language!"

Well, at least he was keen.

After a minute of walking in silence, she attempted again to break the ice, as well as trying to scratch the itch of curiosity about dragons that lived in her brain.

"So... what's it like where you guys live? Do you sleep on big piles of treasure? How big do you get? Can you walk in lava?"

Her fascination had distracted her from her temporary defeat for now.

"Uh... usually, pretty big, and yes," answered Ember. "Can I ask you another question about where you come from?"

"Sure," she said. It seemed only fair, even if it wasn't her favorite line of discussion.

"What are those for? Does everyone have them where you live?"

She poked a claw softly into the flesh of Nora's chest.

Nora went beet red, jumping back slightly at the contact and reflexively clutching her chest where Ember's cold claw had just been.

"OH, LOOK, we're nearly there! C'mon!" she said, breaking into a light jog as the bakery entered the group's view on the horizon. She'd been through those kinds of questions enough with ponies already.

As her red and blue followers caught up, she quickly pushed through the front door of the establishment, eager to waste no time. Her favorite party pony was manning the register, which was a spot of good news. As she waited slightly for Garble and Ember, she waved to Pinkie, who, catching sight of her, returned the gesture with enthusiasm.

She strolled up to the counter where treats of all kinds lay out on display. "Hey, Pinkie."

"Hiya, Nora!"

Nora cast a glance back at the two dragons. "Let it be known that friendships can blossom over good food."

She turned back to the pink earth pony in front of her. "I'm supposed to teach them about friendship," she said with the faintest shrug. "If you could do anything to help..."

She didn't have to finish the request, cut off by an almighty gasp. Pinkie seemed like she was trying to swallow all the air in the room, her pupils shrinking to pinpricks, head thrown back in apparent shock. When her gasp died, her throat able to contain no more air, she clamped her mouth shut, before letting out a tiny, squeaky, "Really?"

Nora nodded.

"WOOHOO!"

Okay, so that's what she was building up to.

The dragon-human convoy all clutched their heads at the exclamation, the volume definitely unwelcome. Nora flashed an uneasy grin at the two. "Eheh, thanks, Pinkie," she managed.

"No problem! You know how much I love making friends, and the only thing better than making friends is making my friends learn how to make more friends of their own! It's like a big, never-ending cycle of friendliness! It's all so... friendly!"

"So, where do we start?" asked Ember, uncertainty written into her expression.

"Ooh, that depends! You could ask their name, that's usually a good starting point, but sometimes when I meet new ponies I don't ask their name at all, like when I met Twilight, I just gasped, suuuper loud, like just now, and I ran, vroom," she mimed the movement with her hooves, "And then I went and threw her a surprise party! Parties are a great way to make new friends. Or you could play a game, or go on a trip across Equestria, or escape a life or death situation together! Or-"

She was getting closer and closer to Ember with each step, the overwhelmed dragoness backing away with every such movement. It was like a game of cat and mouse. It was almost amusing, seeing such a proud and presumably strong creature backing away in fear of a little, excitable pony.

"Or you could save their failing business, or solve a mystery together, or accidentally take their bag at the train station, and then when they come up to you and say 'is that my bag', you say 'I'm pretty sure it's mine', but then you see the bag she's holding has a red ribbon on it, which you always put on your bags to make sure you don't lose them like last time, silly - so then you say 'oops, my mistake', and you swap bags, and you ask her where she's going and she says Fillydelphia, and you say 'no way, me too!', and you find out you're on the same carriage, and you chat all the way there and exchange addresses so you can be pen pals! Or-"

"My head hurts!" wailed Ember.

"My stomach hurts," complained Garble.

Okay, this was going nowhere fast. While Garble just looked irate at the pink onslaught, Ember was still backing away for dear life as Pinkie chased her across the floor of Sugarcube Corner, filling her head with one in a million scenarios that would form the basis for a long-term friendship.

"Pinkie... hey, Pinkie!"

The energetic mare stopped in mid-air, lingering there for longer than seemed physicially possible, before falling onto the wooden shop floor.

"That'll do. We'll just, uh, take a round of cupcakes."

"Okie dokey!"

As Pinkie bounced off to retrieve the goods, Nora motioned for the group to take a seat. So much for that plan.

"Is friendship always so... loud?" asked Ember.

"And annoying?" furthered Garble. It must have been bad, because even Ember didn't reprimand him for that one.

"She's just... eager. Maybe too eager for newbies like you," concluded Nora. This hadn't been her best thought out idea - the dragons seemed averse to overly cutesy nonsense, and that was something Pinkie oozed. It was a good quality, really, but not what they needed right now. "Let's just tuck in."

After a minute or so, a tray of three cupcakes was placed on the table in front of them.

"One fresh batch of super awesome, taste-tastic cupcakes, make by yours truly," Pinkie beamed pridefully. "Though you really should have tried my quadruple chocolate chip cookies, now they're all gone," she said sadly.

"Another time," said Nora, slipping her some bits.

As the mare left them in peace, Nora tucked in, glad for the light snack to keep her going. Say what you want about Pinkie, but she can cook. Nora had missed her cooking, getting much less of it since her frosty relationship with the eatery they found themselves in began.

Ember picked her cake up by its lower end, turning it around under her watchful gaze. She almost looked suspicious of it. "What is it?"

"Just try it."

She opened her jaws and demloished it with one chomp, chewing in exaggerated motions as stary crumbs fell to the floor. Not exactly elegant, but the smile that washed over her was reassuring.

"'S'good," she complimented behind a mouth full of cake.

Meanwhile, Garble sat with his arms folded, unmoving.

"Garble," said Ember, swallowing the rest at once. "You should try this."

"Nuh uh," he said childishly. "This stuff is way too girly! You call his food? I can put my claw right through it!"

Nora guessed dragons were used to their food being more, well, solid.

"Besides," he went on, "Mine's pink."

True enough, pink frosting decorated his confection.

Nora was surprised that even a dragon would turn their nose up at something for such a reason in this world - she was so used to the saccharine culture of ponies, that by now it wouldn't have even occurred to her. While they could be a little immature, so far it felt like dragons may have more in common with humans than they did with ponies.

"It's good," she prompted, only for him to turn his face away.

"You're acting like a hatchling. Eat the food," scolded Ember.

"No."

By the way Ember was staring it him, her claws digging into the wooden table, Nora felt like an all out war was about to erupt over this stupid cupcake. As tensions flared, she was about to say something, when another voice caught her attention.

"Nora?"

She looked up to see a curvy blue pony walk out from the back room, a messy apron over her front and a smile on her face.

"I haven't seen you in here for a while. Tell me how you've been."

Oh, crap, Nora thought. Mrs. Cake.

"Y'know what," she told Ember, "He's right, no need to worry. Thanks for the food, Pinkie!" she called out. "Sorry, Mrs. Cake, no time to chat, these two have to go."

She all but ran out of the store, a dragon on each arm.

The three assumed what seemed to be their default states for the day: once again, Ember was confused, being dragged off by a frantic Nora mid-conversation. Once again, Garble was irate, still in a tantrum about his cupcake. And once again, Nora felt ready to collapse, the stress of it all taking its toll.

"That was close," she whispered under her breath as a concerned Mrs. Cake peered at them through the window. "Lunch over, let's go somewhere else."

Time was slipping by, and Nora was running out of ideas to keep her guests entertained, and more importantly, educated. Garble had made about as much movement in his understanding of friendship under her guidance as a snail race playing in slow motion.

"Ugh," she sighed, rubbing her head slightly.

"That was... strange," said Ember. "But I enjoyed this 'cupcake' you spoke so highly of. I can't help but notice we don't have any friends, though," she said, gesturing to the empty space around them.

Well, she didn't have to put it quite like that.

"Well, I think we've become closer," said Nora. "We've learned about each other, I introduced you to some new food, I'd say we're becoming friends, at least."

Ember smiled at this. Garble just snorted.

"What good is friendship lessons if it only helps us make friends with you?"

She hated to admit it, but once again, he had a good point.

"Well, I-"

How was she going to reason her way out of this one? She had hardly taught them transferrable life skills. They'd watched a squad of fillies sink a raft, and tried to force Garble to eat a cupcake.

"I think that, uh..."

C'mon, stall, stall.

"I think... sometimes friendship is about... common ground."

That's it, Nora told herself, channel your inner Twilight. Go full lecture mode.

"We've bonded because we're both different. Equestria isn't home for either of us, and that shared hardship helps us to relate to one another. Finding you have similar experiences or interests with someone is a great way to meet them or their level, and become fast friends."

She beamed, standing tall with hands on her hips pridefully. That actually sounded like it made sense.

"Could've fooled me," he grumbled, before stretching, a yawn escaping him.

"You're not seriously tired already," said Ember, plainly.

"Hey, we were flying for ages to get to pony land, don't give me that!"

Nora sensed an opportunity here for reprieve. "We can head back to my place if you want and take five," she said.

"Take five what?"

"It's an expression... never mind. We can take a break."

"But, we have so much more to learn," said Ember, before Garble let out another exaggerated yawn. "Oh, fine."

She deflated slightly, relenting to the pressure the others exerted. Nora, meanwhile, sighed in relief, hoping this would buy her some more time. Surely there had to be a pony in this town that could help her, right? Ponies and friendship went together like cheese and crackers. So why was nothing working?

On the walk home, a few stallions said hello to her as they passed. A tip of the hat, a nod and a greeting, one even whistled at her as she walked by. These ponies were not strangers to her - she had worked with them all.

"You seem popular enough," noted Ember. "Maybe we could learn by watching you and your friends."

Nora gulped, thinking about exactly what kind of 'friends' these were.

"Hehe, uh, nah, really, they're just being polite," she lied, trying to shake off the attention.

"Hey, Nora," called out a passing pony stud, waggling his eyebrows. "I'll be out late tonight..."

She clenched a fist in suppressed anger. A little too on the nose for her liking.

"Ehehe, don't know what you mean!" she called back, before shooting him a cold look, jerking her head subtly to the dragons to her left as if it say 'not now', at which he sheepishly skittered off.

"Well, we're almost there!" she said, changing the subject in the hopes of throwing them off the scent.

"Good, my wings are killing me," grumbled Garble, at which Ember rolled her eyes but said nothing.

When they eventually happened upon her humble home, she held the door for them, beckoning them inside. "Make yourself at home," she said. "If you get hungry, the fridge is full. Well, not full, but not empty, either. Bathroom is upstairs."

She certainly hoped dragons understood the concept of bathrooms.

The two walked in, some awe on their faces despite the spartan look of her abode.

"What's with the looks?"

"It's just... weird for me, still. I feel like I'll never get used to buildings."

Ah, right; they probably slept in caves, or something.

"I never want to," moaned Garble, collapsing on the couch.

"Well, I'm gonna head upstairs for a bit, and plan where to take you guys next," she said, hand on the banister. "I won't be too long. Just relax a while, okay?"

"Sure thing," said Ember.

Nora ascended to the second floor with a weary gait, disheartened at her failed attempts to help the pair of dragons. It seemed her reservations about being up to the task were spot on. It still puzzled her that friendship was apparently something that needed teaching - so much so that there was a school dedicated to the concept. If nothing else, it made her consider the nature of relationships in Equestria, and even beyond.

Friendship.

Sure, humans had a word for the concept, but it wasn't something put on a pedestal, a prize to be won or a puzzle to be solved - it was just a natural consequence of positive interaction. How do you teach that? Why do people here need to be taught that? It made her head spin. If even the ponies didn't have it all figured out, she didn't feel good about how some of the other civilizations might be doing. Although she didn't quite have a handle on the lay of the land yet, what little she had heard didn't paint the plains beyond Equestria's borders in the best light at all times. Still, at least here current mentees were trying - well, one of them was.

Dragons. Real life dragons. And no, now that she was alone and at no risk of spilling out something offensive, Spike did not count. He was barely passed her knees! He wore an apron! She loved the little guy, sure, but Ember and Garble were different beasts altogether. She did feel something of a strange kinship with them, being outsiders and all. She considered that maybe her bullshit earlier was more from the heart than she realized.

Entering her room and pushing the door so that it was mostly closed, she kicked off her shoes and flopped on her bed in a manner that was overly dramatic, but since no one was watching, she felt she could get away with it. Not quite on the level of Rarity and her fainting couch. She could be as much of a cartoon as Pinkie, sometimes - the two had weirdly complimentary energy levels that you wouldn't expect, it's no wonder they got her good this morning.

Ah, shit. Rarity. She suddenly remembered that in her rush earlier, she had left her new ensemble behind. Well, at least her debt was paid - she could grab it later, if she had time. She was beginning to doubt she'd even be free enough to work this evening, or that she'd have the energy. The way things were going, she was in for a long day. And just how long were these guys staying in Ponyville, anyway? Until Ember felt Garble had learned enough? Was it her job to feed and house them for now? Normally the idea would seem preposterous, but ponies were generous enough by default that it seemed the sort of thing they might do without thinking twice. Hell, she'd been the beneficiary of that already.

Gripping the sheets underneath her form loosely with one hand, she threw her other over her face, closing her eyes to think. Friendship, friendship, friendship. Dragons, dragons, dragons...

Light slowly crept into Nora's world. It arrived before the sound - a mumbled collection of noises she couldn't place. They seemed distant, unimportant, but they pulled her into consciousness.

As she sat up with a start, realizing that sleep had overcome her, her eyes darted about for the clock.

Damn.

She'd been out nearly two hours! How had things gotten this bad? It was the middle of the day. She moaned, wondering if her late nights were adding up. She had been feeling a tad more fatigued than normal lately.

As her bare soles touched down on soft carpet, she acclimatized to the world around her again in the way that everyone does when shaking off an unplanned nap - that is to say, groggily.

But there was that sound again.

Sounds, rather. They bled into one another, blending into some unrecognizable symphony. It kind of sounded like voices, but she couldn't hear any talking.

Deciding to get up and check on the state of her guests (and the state of her kitchen, if Ember's disposition toward Equestrian food was any indicator), she made for the ajar door, creeping down the upstairs corridor. When she left her room, however, the sounds she heard became clearer, and more familair. She knew these sounds. She was well versed in their manufacture. As low grunts reverbed and echoed back into soft moans and gasps, quiet but now distinct to the trained ear, Nora knew one thing: someone was having sex in the vicinity. She wanted to claim this was an instinct, some sort of superpower granted to her for her years of service to promiscuity, but to tell the truth it was pretty damn obvious now that she was getting closer. To make matters more interesting, it was clear that someone was having her sex in her house. A house in which the last known occupants were Garble, Ember, and herself.

Nora glanced down over her body.

Well, it definitely ain't me.

She shifted to her toes, creeping toward the staircase with overwhelming curiosity. She knew what she heard, but surely they couldn't be... in her...

She had to see this.

Reaching the top of the stairs, there was now no disguising the source of the noises. Garble's slightly gravelly voice, and Ember's more refined, feminine chirps told her full story. Plus, there was only one animal she could think of off the top of her head that would be hissing during the deed. That wasn't the only draconic element to the passionate orchestra, however - she could hear smoke being bellowed out between deep breaths, and the shifting of scales as they made contact, brushing against one another musically.

She tried to peer under the banister, but couldn't get an angle of things.

Just go back to bed, Nora. Pretend you didn't hear anything. There's no way they can be doing what you think they're doing, anyway. This is probably just a crazy sex dream you'll wake up from any second.

Any... second... now...

Nora pinched herself on the arm.

...Oh.

It wouldn't be the first time she had crazy fantasies in her dreams, but apparently, this was all extremely corporeal. That still left her with a choice, however: bedroom, or downstairs.

She shifted slightly on the spot, thighs rubbing against each other. If she went back to bed, she wouldn't be able to ignore it - just the sound of them going at it had her worked up. And if she played her cards right, just maybe...

That was it, she was committed, consequences be damned. It was her home, anyway, so they could hardly call her a pervert.

Taking a decisive first step onto the staircase, Nora leaned forward, trying to get a vantage on the duo with no luck. It seemed she'd have to walk down fully, which wouldn't exaclty se subtle, but screw it.

Reaching the bottom of the stairs, heart pounding, she turned to see Ember laying on her side, one hand holding her ass as Garble piped her on Nora's living room floor. They had moved her couch out of the way, clearing a space in the center of the room, over her fuzzy purple rug.

It looked like things were coming to a climax - Ember's moans had been getting louder and louder since Nora first awoke, but now it seemed more like bestial screeching. Garble remained resolute, thrusting into her with no obvious sign of exertion. The two paid her no mind whatsoever. As time passed - how much, she could not say - Nora watched as Garble's eyes rolled up slightly, and Ember's roars peaked in ferocity, while she scratched up the floorboards off the side of the rug all the while. At once, Garble leaned back, his hands on Ember's lower back, while she arched her back, throwing back her head and letting out a final, inaudible gasp. Trickles of white goo started leaking out of her, spilling slightly onto the floor.

A few seconds after this all transpired, Ember, still panting and heaving, seemed to finally notice the awestruck human.

"Oh," she said in labored, breathy tones, "Hi Nora. You said... huff... to make ourselves at home."