War of the Chests

by Very Sleepy

Rating: mature
Tags: Sex, Comedy, Profanity, Scootaloo, Random, Wallflower Blush, Human, Rainbow Dash, Other, Equestria Girls, Porn
Length: 6215

Since the dawn of time a silent underground battle has been waged between girls with flat and fat chests

Since the dawn of mankind there has existed a secretive war waged between two vehemently opposed factions. An endless struggle for dominance greater than the battle of good vs evil. More influential in its nature than light vs dark. More decisive than and impactful than any other conflict humanity has since faced.

This is the war between large or small breasts.

This particular story will contain the usual naughty parts later on, but is the main focus is meant to be comedy.

Editting and proofreading by: The Great Derpsby
Cover Art by: Uotapo

Published 2023-09-24 15:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-09-24 15:10:01 UTC

Chest Based Conspiracies

“Cloudy! There you are! Oh, thank god I found you!” Rainbow Dash called out in a panic, frantically running up to her fellow Canterlot High School classmate standing by her locker.

“Oh hey there, Rainbow,” Cloudy Kicks replied, “what’s going-”

“Pretend like we’re talking!” she interjected, shoes sliding across the floor as she came to a screeching halt in front of her.

“We-... but we are just talking…”

“Good… good, you have some experience in this,” Rainbow Dash muttered quietly, as she gave Octavia a side eye glance as the girl casually walked by them in the hall.

“What is this all about?”

The girl gave a quick sigh of relief now that the potential threat was gone. “It’s about Thunderlane.”

“My boyfriend? What, did he do something stupid again?”

“No, but he’s about too!” Rainbow replied.

“Ummm… what do you mean?”

“I have reason to believe he’s about to break up with you…”

“Uh huh… you’re full of it,” Cloudy replied with a roll of her eyes, slamming her locker shut as she started to walk away. “Is this another one of your pranks? Thunderlane and I are getting along perfectly fine.”

“Yeah… I know. You practically shouted that at everyone when you came to Monday’s soccer practice with that limp,” Rainbow groaned. “But he’s still going to break up with you.”

“....Alright, since it seems you're dead set on playing this seriously,” Cloudy huffed, turning to face her. “What makes you so sure that Thunderlane wants to dump me?”

“He doesn’t want to dump you, obviously, but he’s going to be forced to dump you!” Rainbow Dash fiercely retorted. “Thunderlane is a straight A student who just made it onto the varsity football team. He’s on their radar. It’s only a matter of time before they make a move on him and snatch him up for themselves!”

“Oh my god,” Cloudy groaned into her palms. “Please for the love of all that is holy…. please don’t tell me this is about Boob Club!”

“Of course it is! Everything is about Boob Club!”

“There is no such thing as Boob Club!”

“That’s just what the bitches in Boob Club want you to believe!” Rainbow growled. “And that’s why they always get the better of us!”

“You’re out of your mind…” Cloudy shook her head as she moved to quickly escape the rainbow-haired lunatic, only for her path to be insistently blocked.

“Walk away from this and that’ll be the last Monday soccer game limp you’ll ever have!” Rainbow warned testingly. “I mean, admittedly it did cause you to bungle our game with Crystal Prep so this is a pretty poor strategic decision on my part as team captain, but I still insist that us slender sisters need to stick out for each other!”

“Slender sisters?” Cloudy Kicks shot her a look.

“You know… us girls who aren’t as endowed down here,” Rainbow said with a gesture to her less than impressive chest area. While many girls at CHS had developed into mighty mountains, she was sporting a mere ‘speed bump’ variety. “The same exact reason why girls like us aren’t allowed in Boob Club, and the only reason I’m trusting you right now.”

“Okay, I’m not that flat. Mine are just… perky,” she shot back defensively.

“Call them whatever you want. It doesn’t change the fact that guys have no problem maintaining eye contact with you,” Rainbow replied.

“They’re just being respectful of me!”

“It’s respect in lieu of admiration. Nothing to exactly write home about.”

“...Whatever, fine… I’ll play along with this for a while,” Cloudy sighed. “So tell me, what proof do you have that this super secret and exclusive club wants to break Thunderlane and me up?”

“I don’t have any…” Rainbow replied with a tinge of obvious regret.

“Ugggggg….” Cloudy groaned and rolled her eyes again as she slid past Rainbow, only for the girl to slip back in front of her again.

“BUT, I have a plan to get it! I just need your help!” Rainbow firmly insisted. “I have a partner with… how should I put it… some special talents,” Rainbow went on. “She’s our ticket inside so we can blow the lid on this entire operation and everyone can finally stop calling me crazy.”

“And who would that be?” Cloudy asked.

“I’m right here,” Wallflower Blush spoke from the side, immediately causing Cloudy to jump in a startled fright.

“What the hell?!? Where did you even come from!?” Cloudy exclaimed.

“Ummmmm, I’ve been here the entire time,” Wallflower replied.

“Like I said,” Rainbow boasted proudly at her find, puffing her “chest” out. “Special talents. Her chest is flat. As flat as a pancake. Flatter than both of ours combined!”

“T-that doesn’t make any sense!” Cloudy replied.

“I’ve theorized her unique chest is what rendered her the most ignored girl at CHS. Heck, I don’t even know her name!”

“That’s… hurtful,” Wallflower replied with a look of sadness. “I’ve told you repeatedly, it’s Wallflower Blush.”

“This mystery girl will be our mole. She’s a ghost! No one will even see her coming!”

“This is all getting kinda mean,” Wallflower spoke.

“So why are you helping Rainbow then?” Cloudy asked.

“Well, to be honest, she’s really the only one at school who has talked to me so far… The closest thing before all this was when Brawly tripped over my foot and thought I was a trash can,” Wallflower smiled for a moment as the pleasant memory of that exciting day rushed back through her.

“Ahhh…” Cloudy Kicks clenched her teeth in awkwardness… sincerely wishing she had been paying more attention to the girl when she said her name.

“Come with me,” Rainbow Dash said, hooking an arm around her shoulder as she led her off. “It’s about time you learned just how high this rabbit hole goes…”

“For the record,” Cloudy spoke as the three unendowed school girls descended into the depths of their high school, “the only reason I’m humoring this insanity is because I have a date with Thunderlane tonight. Figure all of this will turn out to be a story he’ll get a kick out of as he gets busy not dumping me.”

“Yes! Yes!” Rainbow cheered. “You’re thinking of how to keep Thunderlane around. Good! Use that!”

Cloudy rolled her eyes again, leaning over to whisper to Wallflower.“Is she always this crazy?”

“Only when the topic is about Boob Club,” Wallflower shrugged.

“And do you believe in that conspiracy too?”

“Honestly? I don’t really care. But I did make a promise to my parents that I would get at least one person at school to remember what my name is…” She gazed at Cloudy with a slightly hopeful look.

“Uhhhhhh… well chin up! I’m sure that will happen soon!” Cloudy painfully spoke with a suppressed cringe.

Wallflower sighed dejectedly. “...It’s fine…My parents forget it too…”

“Rainbow? Where are you taking us?” Cloudy immediately shot in to desperately change the subject.

“My secret spot. I just needed somewhere in school for some privacy. The janitor's basement is the best place for that now ever since he got deported. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but CHS is packed to the brim with BBIs, and they have their eyes and ears everywhere but down here.”

“BBIs?”

“Big boobed individuals,” Wallflower clarified. “Any girl with an above average chest size. She thinks they’re all part of this secretive club. But she is kinda right about how many girls here seem to be gifted in that regard.”

“That’s just part of the growing concern,” Rainbow growled as she approached the dirty brown door of their destination. “But more on that later. For now, focus on the reason why we are here.”

“And that would be…?”

“Interrogation,” Rainbow replied as she snapped a finger to Wallflower. “Get to documenting like we planned. Don’t miss a single second.”

“Sure, sure. Whatever,” Wallflower shrugged as she pulled out her phone and started a recording.

“Interrogation?!” Cloudy gasped. “Wait… you don’t mean…”

Rainbow kicked open the door, revealing among the greasy unkempt room of stacked cleaning supplies was a stacked Amethyst Star. The busty girl sat gagged and tied to a chair, struggling against her tight binds that tied her wrists and ankles to it.

“Oh my god…” Cloudy spoke at a complete loss of words.

“She wasn’t hard to catch,” Rainbow humbly bragged as she strutted inside. “Cows like her aren’t exactly known for their athletic ability. Not at all like us slender sisters.” It was quickly made obvious as to why the prismatic haired girl referred to her captive as a cow. “Have a looksie down here, plain as day. Two rank E pair of bazongas. She is one of them.”

“This is a crime… a literal crime…” Cloudy breathed.

“You’re right. It should be a crime to grow them this large,” Rainbow sneered as she marched over to the bound and bustilly breasted bitch, crossing her arms defiantly in the face of all the evil she and her bosom stood for. “So here’s the sitch, Amethyst, if that is your real name, I’ll make this easy on you since I know your kind don’t have much going on in the noggin. You’re going to tell me everything you know about Boob Club. Where you meet, what you’re planning, and how to stop you cows from getting what you want. If you don’t…. well, I’m afraid that’ll just mean it’s about to get a whole lotta Geneva up in here.” She ripped the tape covering her captive’s mouth off. “So get to running your mouth.”

Amethyst gasped, taking a moment to breathe in and out steadily as she collected herself. “Okay…. First of all,” she panted, “*Here’s the sitch*? Jesus, what year is it? And secondly, like, do you even know what waterboarding is, Rainbow? Because all I’m seeing is that you brought one of those kickboards some kid might take into the pool.”

“What else would it be? And don’t try to change the subject, fat,” Rainbow growled. “Tell me what you sluts are up to! I know you’re one of them! Admit it!”

“Yeah, no, we’re done here,” Amethyst groaned. “Cloudy? Can you go fetch Principal Celestia for me? Pretty please?”

“Y-Yes… of course!” Cloudy shook her head rapidly to clear the shock from it. “I’m so sorry, Amethyst! I had no part in this! You’ve taken this WAY too far, Rainbow!” she called out as she sprinted away.

Even as she departed she could still hear Amethyst’s loud and obviously annoyed voice berating Rainow. “Will you get it out of your head already! There is no such thing as the Boob Club, you idiot!!”

“Three weeks detention,” Principal Celestia growled angrily now that she had joined the school girls in the dark and dingy janitor’s closet. “What were you thinking, Rainbow? Outright kidnapping one of your fellow students?! Honestly, I expected better from you, young lady.”

Rainbow merely grumbled indignantly, fuming visibly at her now freed captive.

“There’s no need to be so harsh on her, principal,” the now free Amethyst spoke benevolently, though with a smile that suggested far more mocking pity than anything else. She cast a gaze down at the athlete’s chest, “I think she’s obviously been punished enough.”

“Well, you are the student affected by her,” Celestia noted. “Do you think three weeks is too long of a punishment?”

“Oh no. Three weeks is plenty,” Amethyst giggled as Celestia led her away. “Personally, I would have given her more.”

“Very well then. I’ll see you to the nurse’s office and you, Rainbow Dash,” Celestia added with a fierce glare, “I’ll see you after school.”

“And thank you for helping me, Cloudy,” Amethyst beamed at her before wrapping her arms around her classmate. “You’re a good friend. Say hi to Thunderlane for me.”

“Oh… okay. Thanks,” Cloudy smiled at her. Moments later she was allowed to breathe a sigh of relief as the principal and student departed, ever thankful that she had been spared from Celestia’s administrative wrath. “See, Rainbow? I told you that you were being crazy but you just didn’t listen!”

“I didn’t listen? Have you seen the mammaries on Principal Celestia?! There’s no way you could miss them. She is one of them,” Rainbow shot back. “If I was cursed with tits like Amethyst, she wouldn’t have given me any detention.”

“And you’re still going on about your conspiracy!? Oh my god, you are so freaking dense!”

“No, I was just waiting for you to dig yourself into a hole,” Rainbow Dash chuckled, “because everything went according to plan.”

“What plan? All you did was demonstrate you’re deranged enough to run for President.”

“Well, admittedly the three weeks detention part was always up in the air, and I’m absolutely livid about that. But other than that, you were just like Amethyst: predictable,” Rainbow tsked in mock disappointment. “I knew you would betray me in front of her. Make her cocky. And just like her, you didn’t even notice there’s someone else here besides me.” She triumphantly pointed to Wallflower Blush.

“Holy crap!” Cloudy Kicks jumped again as she was caught by complete surprise. “Were you always there?!”

Wallflower merely sighed as she handed over her phone to Rainbow.

“She was. And my mystery helper got everything on recording,” Rainbow bragged.

“Again, my name is Wallflower Blush,” the unknown girl stated, but the other two teens were already turning their attention towards her phone as they hit play on the video. Sure enough, she had started the taping as soon as Rainbow had barged into the room to shake her captive down, keeping it focused on her and Amethyst while she bluffed about her enhanced interrogation tactics.

“And you know I was just playing dumb with the kickboard thing. I know waterboarding is probably soaking a board of wood in water then hitting someone with it to make it really sting, but that wouldn’t work on any of the girls in Boob Club. I believe they’ve trained themselves against torture by getting off on all pain. Total masochistic cows…”

“...I’m just going to ignore that,” Cloudy said as she focused on the video as it came to her part. “...My god. Is that what my voice sounds like? Ugggggg.”

“Wait-wait! Pay attention now,” Rainbow urged.

“You’ve taken this WAY too far, Rainbow!” Cloudy was heard calling out in the video as she sprinted out of frame. “Will you get it out of your head already! There is no such thing as the Boob Club, you idiot!!” Amethyst was seen saying… purposefully loud… like she wanted Cloudy to hear her as she departed, but abruptly lowering her volume with a devious smirk at Rainbow before saying, “because we don’t call it that, Rainbow. I call it the Paizuri club!”

“The Paizuri club?” Rainbow shot back. “Since when do you speak latin?”

“It’s japanese! I speak the language,” Amethyst scoffed.

“Uggg, you don’t speak japanese, Amethyst! You’re just some weeb who watches a ton of anime!” Rainbow groaned.

“Typical baka behavior,” she replied with a roll of her eyes. “Just as I would expect of someone in the Naizuri club. I’m basically part Japanese by now.”

“Yeah, I wish you grew up in Japan too. Now shut up and tell me everything you know,” Rainbow glared at her.

“Fine. Our group gets together every week below the school where every girl with an actual existing chest meets and discusses how to keep flat brats like you in your proper place, down in the dirt where you belong. But our influence doesn’t end there. Oh ho ho no… This goes waaaaay deeper than you think, cupcake.”

“Huh, if that’s all true, why are you telling me all of this…” Rainbow breathed slowly.

“Because…” Amethyst lips curled into her most devilish, fiendish smirk yet. “No one will ever believe you,” she cackled. “Now go and put on your tinfoil hat while you try to convince Cloudy and the rest of your worthless kind of our existence. We’ll be laughing from the shadows every step of the way.”

“You bitch!” Rainbow growled angrily. “You’ll never get away with this!”

“Ick. Cliche. That’s not very sugoi of you, Rainbow,” Amethyst mockingly pouted. “Oh… and tell Cloudy to savor her last few moments with Thunderlane. That hunk is as good as ours…”

“I knew it! You evil cows were going after Thunderlane!”

“Oh please, that’s hardly evil. We are rescuing him from a crummy relationship, you flat baka brat!” Amethyst spat. “Thunderlane is a prime piece of kawaii ass! He’s out of Cloudy’s league! You girls never respect the league! Don’t you think a guy like him deserves more than…….. uggggg… whatever all this is,” she shuddered after nothing more than a look down to the athlete’s small, pitiful breasts. Even just calling them breasts felt like an insult to every woman of worth in the world. “It’s like they say, if you love something let it go.”

“Well thank god I haven’t fallen for you because I still want to keep my prisoner.”

Sounds of rapidly approaching footsteps were heard from the hallway. It was Cloudy leading Principal Celestia over.

“Oops! Guess you’re not going to get that either! Looks like that’s all of our time. Have fun being laughed at by everyone~” Amethyst taunted her with one last giggle before taking a calming breath. All hints of malice and animosity vanished from her face as she assumed a believable expression of panic and fear. “I-I-I’m in h-here! S-Senpai Celestia! Please help me!!!” she cried out. “Rainbow Dash has lost her mind!!”

The video was stopped there, Cloudy Kicks was already present for that part when their principal came in with her patented admonishing glare.

Cloudy was absolutely speechless as Rainbow shot her the widest smug smile she had ever seen. There was no way all of that was real. Amethyst was just messing with Rainbow Dash… Pulling her leg a bit by fanning the flames of her own chest-based conspiracies… right?

“This is big,” Rainbow Dash announced to her and Wallflower. “The fat chests have all teamed up, I say it’s high time us normal girls do the same!”

Cloudy supposed, at the very least, this matter was worth digging a little deeper into…

A few days later, in the very same dark and dusty janitorial storage room, a number of small chested Canterlot High School teens met in poorly-concealed secrecy. A dozen chairs had been set out before a wooden podium, only five of which were currently being used.

“Okay… I guess we’ll get started now…” Rainbow Dash said, checking her phone’s clock with an obvious look of disappointment. “Really thought more girls would attend our first ever group meeting, given the magnitude of what we’re dealing with here.” She shot an accusing glare at Cloudy and Wallflower, sitting in the first row, a look that just shouted: ‘one job’. “I mean, come on! They’re plenty of normal girls like us at this school!”

“Every girl I asked just ignored me,” Wallflower shrugged, unsurprised by the results.

“Yeah and everyone I asked to join the club thought I was just insulting them,” Cloudy sighed. “One girl even threw her drink at me.”

“Huh, so that’s why you’re so wet,” Rainbow noted. “Well, it doesn't matter. There’s no problem starting off small.” Scootaloo was heard snickering from the back row. “But since it’s our first meeting, I thought we should all go around and introduce ourselves. Now, obviously we can skip moi, because I’m sure my reputation precedes me,” she humbly offered before gesturing to Wallflower. “How about you first?”

“Uhhh… hi everyone, my name is Wallflower Blush,” said Wallflower Blush as she stood and pointed to a name tag that clearly read: Wallflower Blush. “I’m really just here so I can get a single person to remember what my name is, which is, again, Wallflower Blush.” She took her seat before briefly adding again, “Wallflower Blush.”

“Okay… I guess I’m up next. My name is Cloudy Kicks, I’m sure I’ve seen most of you around school. I’m mostly just trying to keep my boyfriend around… but I honestly don’t have any idea why I’m here. I’m not entirely convinced Amethyst wasn’t just messing with Rainbow Dash and all of this seems insane.”

“Yep, I agree. It is completely insane something like this is hiding below all of our noses for who knows how long!” Rainbow replied.

“That’s not what I-”

“Alright, next! Onto the new girls! How about you, Lavender?”

“Hi! My name is Lavender Lace,” a rather bubbly girl spoke as she stood up from her chair. “I’m 18 years young and I know this is probably oversharing, but I am a Gemini.” She smiled as she took her seat again.

“...........Th…That’s it?” Cloudy said after a moment of silence. “That doesn’t tell us anything about you! All that astral sign stuff is complete hog wash!”

“Oh, and what sign are you, Cloudy?” Lavender shot back.

“Uhhhh, I think I’m an Aries.”

“Yeah, I thought so,” Lavender replied with a roll of her eyes. “Typical Aries.”

“Well that’s… certainly something,” Rainbow coughed. “How about someone a bit more normal? Let’s hear from you, Scoots!”

“Ummmm, okay, hi everyone,” Scootaloo spoke out. “I’m really just here to support my big sis Rainbow Dash. But I agree with her, all of these huge breasted girls have had it too good for too long. Like, Diamond Tiara in my class has had boys lining up to ask her out to prom while I don’t get any! She even told me she’s thinking of starting a bidding for herself.”

“Well said, Scootaloo,” Rainbow said with a proud nod. “Just one of the many things we need to fix.”

“Also, I just wanted to get this out there,” Scootaloo went on, “I know we’re in the same grade, but I have no connection to the girl sitting beside me,” she jerked a thumb over to Silver Spoon, a girl with her legs perched up on the empty chair in front of her, blowing a bubble of gum while rapidly scrolling through her phone. “She’s been going through her zoomer phase and it’s been hard on… everyone around her…” she sighed.

“What up, fam,” Silver Spoon apparently spoke. “Name’s Silver Spoon. Club sounded totes legit, straight up ballers in here. I be hella salty with those fatty thicc chests out there flexing on us and taking those common W’s. Girls need a vibe check when we poppin’ off! No cap!”

“....That’s, ummmm, okay?” Rainbow Dash remarked after several blinks. “I’m sorry to hear that…I think…? But the more the merrier, I guess.”

“#Squad ✊” Silver Spoon cheered with a fist in the air.

“Right, right…” Rainbow said as she shook her head to clear her thoughts. “That's everyone for now. Let’s get to it then. I guess the first order of business would usually be to decide on a name for our organization but-”

“Oh! How about the Busty Busters!?” Lavender happily interjected.

“That just sounds like a group of guys who bust nuts on busts,” Wallflower replied. “But, personally, I thought the term Rainbow used was a good club name: Slender Sisters.”

“So our club acronym would be…?” Cloudy asked.

“....Never mind…” Wallflower mumbled.

“You know, if we grow our group to have members all over the world, I was thinking we could call ourselves International Breasts and Titty Control,” Scootaloo interrupted next as she thought out loud.

“And that acronym would be?” Cloudy repeated

“What? It doesn’t spell anything weird!”

*bang* *bang* *bang*

“We’re not here to choose a group name! We already have one!” Rainbow proudly announced with a knock of her wooden gavel as the rabble from the group quieted down. “As it turns out there are thousands, maybe even millions of other flat-chested girls, just like us, all over this planet, who have joined together in a group. I’ve been in contact with them over the internet, and they’ve been more than helpful to our cause and are very open to new members. So, from here on out, we’ll be taking on their name and becoming a branch of their organization.”

“Oh really?” Cloudy remarked with a raised brow. “Sounds a little too good to be true. What’s our group name going to be then?”

“The Flat Earth Society,” Rainbow joyfully proclaimed.

“Oh my god…..” Cloudy groaned into her palms.

“HA! You a whole mood, RBD. FR FR!” Silver Spoon laughed.

“Wait… isn’t that the conspiracy group filled with crazy nutjobs, Rainbow?” Scootaloo asked with a raised hand.

“Well of course they are going to get labeled like that when they are going up against the BBI’s. The fat chests aren’t exactly known for playing fair.”

“No… Rainbow Dash… the Flat Earth Society is a bunch of loonies who think that Earth is literally flat,” Wallflower explained. “They aren’t talking about flat chests.”

“Never heard of that, and what’s so hard to understand here? All of this is just big breasted propaganda! The boobs control everything! No one is actually dumb enough to think that the planet we live on is actually flat. Come on, it’s laughingly transparent,” Rainbow scoffed.

“But NASA is nothing but lies with their obvious CGI renderings of our ‘spherical’ planet…” Lavender muttered quietly to herself to the side.

“And I think you’re all losing focus here. It doesn’t matter what name we call our group, what matters is the reason why we’re here.” The athlete shuffled through her papers before slamming a piece of tape on one and attaching it to the front of her podium for all to see. It was a picture of a woman’s chest, sporting a rather impressive and more noticeably, bare rack.

“Ummm, you know we’re still at school right, Rainbow?” Cloudy asked. “Are you really allowed to show us all pictures of naked tits like this?”

“In an actual civilized world, I wouldn’t. But like I said, they control everything from the shadows. Of course they are going to write the rules to best suit themselves. Because, make no mistake,” she emphasized her words by pointing to each small chested girl in her small audience, “those busty bitches are the enemy. Every single one of them. They can’t be trusted. No matter how nice or friendly they pretend to be around you.”

“Aren't you, like… friends with some of them, Rainbow?” Scootaloo innocently asked. “I mean, I see you hanging out with Rarity and Fluttershy a lot and having a good time with them. Don’t they have some pretty massive boobs?”

“You don’t have to contradict me in front of everyone, Scoots.”

“Oops! Sorry, sis!”

“And I only put on the appearance of friendship with them for the same reason they pretend to be friends with me. Gathering intel, scooping out the other side, and keeping up the appearance that we aren’t part of a secret organization.”

“So…. it’s just being friends for underhanded purposes? Isn’t that being a little manipulative?” Cloudy asked.

“I know right? Those big titted bitches will do anything to win,” Rainbow growled.

“B-But you just said it’s the same thing you’re-....uggggg….” Cloudy groaned.

“Fluttershy was, of course, my primary suspect for my initial investigations, having the biggest freaking pair of tits at school. I mean, have you seen those massive udders? Sheeeesh! At what point do we stop calling them tits and start calling them tumors?”

“Okay! That’s it!” Cloudy Kicks announced with a huff, jumping up to the podium, front and center and shoving Rainbow Dash to the side. “I’d like to file a motion to this so called *group* involving certain people, who shall remain named, Rainbow Dash,” she said with an accusatory point at the rainbow haired girl off to the side, having fallen into a pile of boxes, “to stop being so completely disgusting when referring to girls with big breasts.”

“What? How on earth am I being gross?”

“Well for starters, drop the tumor talk! And while we are at it, why don’t you stop referring to these girls as being ‘chest pregnant’!” The crowd of school girls visibly winced at that one.

“Ick, no to that,” Lavender said.

“Not a fan, fam,” Silver concurred.

“Yeah, I know they are the bad guys and everything but that does sound a little gross, sis,” Scootaloo admitted.

“Yes! That’s exactly the point!” Rainbow declared as she bounced back up to the podium and pushed Cloudy to the side. “Being fat-chested and pregnant are two very gross things. We are in complete agreement, so I don’t really know what your guys’ issue is with all this. I’m tabling this discussion until you can all get your thoughts sorted out,” She hammered her gavel again.

Cloudy grumbled incoherently to herself as she walked back to her seat.

“And I am not the enemy here, that’s all of the BBIs over in Boob Club,” Rainbow said, flipping through her presentation papers as she sought to get things back on track. “Here, this is the biggest takeaway I received from our allies over at the Flat Earth Society. Let me pose a question to all of you: why are some boobs so big?” The audience of girls all exchanged looks and shrugs, staying overall silent. “It’s because they are hiding something they don’t want anyone to know about: the power to mind-control men. See for yourself!” She slapped down another image on the front of the podium as the crowd gasped as one. It was the same picture of a woman’s impressive bare rack as before, but this time her breasts were edited to be slightly transparent. Concealed inside the twin pair were two twin miniature satellite dishes. “Exhibit A! These are the Cleavage Concealed and Controlling Curves, or CCCC for short. Their breasts may appear to be soft, supple, superior… and fun to touch…but make no mistake, they are the most dangerous part of a BBIs body. I cannot stress this enough. The bigger the tits are, and the more of the breasts that are exposed, the more power these devices have to exert their will on those around them. In fact, some breasts are so powerful they can work their magic while being completely concealed.”

“Fluttershy?” Lavender asked.

“Fluttershy,” Rainbow replied with a nod. “And it doesn’t just stop there. This dark power that all of them have has the ability to transcend space and time itself. Even in works of fiction, mind-controlling one’s subject has always been a spell requiring one to be present to cast. But in reality, a man seeing a mere picture of a woman’s tits, taken years ago, thousands of miles away, can still fall under their twisted sway.”

“S-So what happens if a guy falls under their spell?” Scootaloo asked with wide eyes.

“Anything that those chest preggo bitches want. The boys have no idea that women hold this power over them. If they want money they will make men fork it over. If they want his cock, you bet your ass they will turn them dumb and stupidly smiling as they drag them into their bedrooms, and if they want to cause chaos… well…”

“...T-they made my first dad abandon my mom and run off with a big-titted nurse he met at the hospital….” Wallflower muttered with tears in her eyes. Rainbow nodded solemnly. No man would ever willingly abandon a loving family like that. Not unless he was forced by a darker, twisted, evil force for their own selfish reasons.

“Yep… that’s basically what we’re up against. We fight on the side of justice, but I won’t lie, we are vastly outnumbered and out funded. But that doesn't mean we should just give up. No, we really need to put our heads together to come up with a plan to-”

“This is insane!!!” Cloudy Kicks exclaimed, stomping her foot down on the ground. “Rainbow, you’ve gone off the deep end even more than those Flat Earthers have! We would know if something this crazy was possible. There is no way something like this could be kept secret over thousands of years! Right, girls?” She looked around and noticed every other girl present was in deep contemplation as their leader’s speech resonated with their own personal life experiences. They were eating up every word.

“The fat-chests make it their business to ensure the secrets of their true power never get out,” Rainbow said to her with a disappointing shake of her head. “Their mind-controlling abilities wouldn’t be nearly effective if their targets knew they were manipulating them.”

“So that’s how we beat them, right?” Scootaloo voiced out now, her voice full of fleeting hope. “We get the word out! T-tell every guy we know how they are being controlled by these villains!”

“It cost me three weeks detention just to try and convince Cloudy Kicks here to hear me out… and, as you can see, she still isn’t completely on board. I can’t imagine what it would take from me to have the guys believe the truth. Furthermore, they wouldn’t want to believe it. Years upon years of breast-based mind-controlling and breast propaganda have made them happy to live in a world ruled by the chunky chests.”

“Big yikes! TFW those big chests out here being mad sus AF,” Silver Spoon growled, as the true weight of what they were all up against settled into them all. “Hella salty. Finna bout to catch these hands, fam.”

“Rainbow… does this breast mind-controlling power work on all men, like, seriously?” Lavender asked.

“Well…. not all. Nature did create certain men who are immune to their power,” Rainbow admitted. "As if nature itself found their very existence appalling and is trying to fix it."

“That’s great! Let’s just get this immunity or whatever out to all men and render the big boobs ineffective against them! Problem solved!”

“The immunity is called being gay, Lavender,” Rainbow groaned. “So congrats, there’s plenty of rainbows everywhere, but with everyone gay you just stopped all babies from being born and ended humanity.”

“....But that would still be more of a win for us than it is for them, right?”

“...Well technically…yes…but-”

“Perfect! Then it’s decided,” Lavender beamed, hopping up onto the podium to proudly announce, “the Flat Earth Society will hereby turn all men in the world gay!”

“My god, no!” Rainbow exclaimed, pushing her away. “There’s so much wrong with what you’re saying!”

Cloudy Kicks planted her head in her hands. “Please, please don’t give me any common ground with Rainbow Dash, Lavender.”

“Being gay is something you’re born as. You can’t just turn men homosexual just like that!” Rainbow went on.

“Well you might not be able to,” shot Lavender defensively. “But I certainly can with a bit of swamp gas, but seeing as there’s no swamps around here, there is a simpler method we could try.”

“What is it? And does it work on girls?” Scootaloo asked curiously, noticing she caught a look from Rainbow. “A-Asking for a friend.”

“Actually, it does not. Guy exclusive,” Lavender explained. “You see, I’ve discovered there’s actually a temporary period of time men turn gay, and therefore, theoretically, become immune to any breast bewitchment, and it happens far more often than you think...”

“What are you talking about?” Rainbow asked.

“I’m talking about the period of time after a guy nuts! They turn completely gay!”

“That’s not being turned gay!” Cloudy groaned.

“As expected of an Aries, you would think that, but, I’ve seen it happen plenty with my old boyfriend. They come up to me lovingly and in the mood, things get hot and heavy as we make our way to the bed, I get him off with my mouth and BAM, everything stops there and then he wants nothing to do with me. What would you call that?”

“If wanting nothing to do with you was the criteria of someone being gay, this school would be getting national attention every pride month,” Cloudy shot back.

“Hang on, Cloudy…” Rainbow interjected, deep in thought. “Lavender is crazy… but she may be onto something here. This is something I’ve heard of before, but I’ve never pieced it together until now.”

“Don’t tell me you-... I mean, of course you would believe this madness too,” Cloudy threw her hands up in the air in defeat.

“Let me put it this way… What makes more sense? Your teenage boyfriend with hormones coming out of his ears, like all guys do at our age, has you alone, naked, having fun in his bed, and then suddenly…” she paused, pointing a finger in the air for dramatic effect. “-he feels like quitting just after climaxing, the best freaking part for them OR the climax caused him to temporarily turn homo.”

“Well when she puts it that way… the gay thing sounds more reasonable…” Wallflower admitted.

“I vote for the gay option,” Scootaloo added.

“Gay, no cap,” Silver nodded in agreement.

“I’m surrounded by idiots…” Cloudy said, dead inside.

“Interesting…” Rainbow pondered to herself, the first sparks of actionable plans lighting up in her head. “Ladies… let’s see what the Flat Earth Society can do with this information…”