Conversations With My (Ghost) Father

by PuzzlingInsanity

Rating: mature
Tags: Slice of Life, Narcotics, Anthro, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1106

Puzzling Insanity receives a surprise visit after a night of trying to drink her feelings away.

After an attempt at self-medicating due to survivor's guilt, Puzzling Insanity is visited by someone she hasn't seen in years.

Narcotics tag for alcohol use and the consequences of it

This story was inspired by a recent flare-up of survivor's guilt that I experienced in relation to losing my father.

Published 2023-06-04 19:10:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-06-04 19:10:01 UTC

Apparitional Absolution

The door swung open and slammed against the textured blue wall of the trailer bathroom. Uneasy on her hooves, she barely made it in front of the white porcelain toilet before she fell to her knees, a bottle of cinnamon whiskey in one hand and her tearstained glasses in the other. She felt another wave of nausea hit her as her red-rimmed eyes crossed for a moment.

She tasted cinnamon, alcohol and stomach acid as her night of drinking came back to haunt her. Fresh tears made their way down the matted orchid-gray fur of her cheeks, and as she continued to vomit, her thoughts turned toward why she had spent all night drinking in the first place.

Puzzling Insanity had thought that she was doing so well with therapy, finally starting to get over the survivor’s guilt that plagued her since the loss of her father, Green Beret. She knew that healing and grief weren’t linear, but the emotions and guilt had hit her like a speeding train, and she had been unable to handle it.

And now, she was facing the consequences of an attempt to self-medicate. After what seemed like an eternity, she finally stopped vomiting and let out an ear-piercing screech of anguish, tears continuing to stream down her face. She looked down at the bottle in her hand, tempted to take another drink until a voice stopped her.

“What in Faust’s name are you doing, Puzzling Insanity?! I thought I raised you better than this!”

Puzzling looked over her shoulder and saw a glowing elderly stallion with an army-green coat, pale cornflower blue eyes, a red ballcap on his head and a look of concern on his wizened face. “Oh, my Faust,” she said. “I’m so drunk I’m hallucinating.”

Green Beret shook his head and said, “I’m not a hallucination. I just couldn’t stand watching you destroy yourself like this anymore.” Tears pricked at his eyes as he pointed at the bottle. “You can’t keep punishing yourself over what happened.”

The young mare’s lower lip quivered as she said, “B-but it’s all my fault you’re gone, Dad.”

“No, it’s not all your fault,” the ghostly veteran countered. “Your mother told you what happened; I had another heart attack and my heart was just too weak for me to go on living.”

“If I had treated you better, maybe your heart wouldn’t have been so bad! Maybe you wouldn’t have had so many heart attacks, and maybe you’d still be here!”

Green Beret felt tears prick at his own eyes as he saw his daughter suffer. He wiped them away and said, “Turn around and look me in the eye.”

As she did so, he placed a hand on her shoulder, causing her to feel a chill.

“Stress comes with being a parent. And while raising you was more stressful than I’d like to admit, you have my word that it was not entirely your fault that I passed away. Puzzling, sweetie, I was old and sick. My heart was bigger than it should have been and it just… gave out.”

“You’re not lying to make me feel better, are you?”

The old stallion shook his head and said, “No. I never lied to you when I was alive; why start now? Now get rid of that alcohol. I’m not leaving until you do.”

Puzzling looked hesitantly at the bottle, then at her father. “I don’t want you to leave again,” she said, her eyes filling with fresh tears.

“I have to eventually,” he said.

“I know. Can you at least stay until I fall asleep?”

Green Beret nodded and answered, “I think I can manage that.”

A tiny smile crept across Puzzling’s muzzle as she said, “Thank you, Dad.” She turned back around, opened the bottle, poured the contents into the toilet and flushed it. “Dad?”

“Yes, honey?”

“What’s the afterlife like?”

The stallion gave her a smile and said, “It’s a beautiful place, almost like another realm that overlooks Equestria. When I’m not watching over my loved ones, I’m usually fishing or catching up with your aunts and uncles up there.”

“There’s fishing in the afterlife?” Puzzling asked, trying not to laugh.

“Yep,” Green Beret answered, “and I’ve caught things you wouldn’t believe!” After a shared laugh, he thought of something. “How’s your mother?”

Puzzling Insanity gave him a sad smile. “She misses you so much more than I think you know,” she said, “but I guess she’s doing okay. She’s going to New Oatleans and Cozumare in a week.”

“That sounds like fun,” he said. “You going with her?”

She shook her head no. “Too far away.”

As the time passed and they kept talking, Green Beret noticed Puzzling becoming more and more tired. He smiled and said, “I guess it’s almost time for me to go, isn’t it?”

“Can you tuck me in and tell me a story before you go?”

“If it helps you fall asleep, sure,” the stallion said. “Come on, let’s go get you tucked in.”

Green Beret helped Puzzling into bed and gently draped the blanket over her, making sure that she was comfortable before he sat at the foot of the bed and decided which story to tell.

“Once upon a time, there were three Ursa Minors living in a cozy little cabin…”

By the time he had finished his story, Puzzling was asleep. Green Beret gave his daughter a kiss on the forehead and smiled. Just as he started to fade away, he could see a smile forming on her face.

He returned to the afterlife to see that Princess Luna was waiting for him. “You were right, Princess,” he said. “How did you know?”

“Because I know what it is like. Guilt can be all-consuming and lead to self-destruction. You were, and still are, undoubtedly a wonderful father. She is very lucky to have had a stallion like you to call ‘Dad’.”

Green Beret felt fresh liquid pride well up in his eyes at Luna’s words. “I-I’m just happy that I won’t have to see her torture herself anymore,” he said, looking down at his sleeping daughter. Quietly, he choked out, “I love you, Puzzling.”

The next morning, Puzzling Insanity woke up with an awful hangover, but she felt like a huge weight had been lifted from her shoulders. She couldn’t remember going to bed, and her cat was going nuts. Suddenly, she heard a voice whispering four words in the back of her head repeatedly, and a smile stretched across her muzzle. Looking up and closing her eyes, she quietly said, “I love you too, Dad.”