The Prisoner's Dilemma

by AYC

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Princess Celestia, Slice of Life, Princess Luna, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 5099

How Luna handles criminals.

When you know somepony is guilty, but you can't prove it, what do you do? If you're Princess Luna, you let the guilty ponies decide. Based off the mind game 'The Prisoner's Dilemma'.

Published 2012-10-01 01:00:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-01 14:49:39 UTC

Chapter One

Credits to Hasbro, and the incredible author Trenton Lee Stewart, who made me think outside of the box. This is my first fanfiction, so critique is appreciated.

-

It looked like it was going to be a busy morning for the Princesses.

The normally calm city of Canterlot was abuzz with the noise of hooves on stone and angry voices. In the streets of the mountainside city, two criminals with bags over their heads were slowly led towards Canterlot Castle. The duo was heavily escorted by members of the Night Guard, more so for their own protection if anything. A turbulent crowd of citizens and tourists surrounded them on all sides, screaming profanities and threats alike. The ponies were furious, and to the consensus of the the two Princesses, rightly so.

Celestia sipped her sweetened tea from one of the lofty balconies in her castle and watched the raucous procession in her streets below. Rarely did she see such anger from her ponies these days- but then again, rarely did two ponies commit such crimes. Her ear twitched as she heard her sister enter the room behind her.

"Quite a spectacle." remarked Luna, sidling up to her sister to look out the window. "I haven't seen something like this since Starswirl's daughter."

Celestia snorted, remembering the charismatic daughter of her former student. She turned to face her sister, resting her tea on the windowsill.

"Yes," she replied. "They've caused quite the commotion. They almost got away with robbing the Third National Equestrian Bank of Commerce, Faust knows how. There's not enough hard evidence to incriminate them, but they don't have an alibi, yet, so..." she shrugged and returned her gaze to the crowd in the street.

"We need a confession?" finished Luna. "No evidence it's them, but everypony seems to think so... anyway, who are they? The criminals."

"I believe it's a married couple," yawned Celestia. "named Russet Apple and Gold Coin. Coin is a Unicorn, and Russet is an Earth Pony."

"Apple Family?" said Luna, raising her eyebrows. "That's unusual. I thought they were a good bunch." Her eyes suddenly sparkled in delight. "I guess that one bad apple-"

"Don't." interrupted Celestia, glaring at her sister. She paused before saying, "Luna, I want you to handle this one for me, alright?"

"What?" Luna's eyes widened in shock. "I thought you preferred handling justice cases. Something about my tactics being... distasteful."

"That was a thousand years ago." sighed Celestia, turning back to the window. "I think you should try again. But remember, we don't hurt ponies!"

"I know! I never did!" the younger Princess cried in protest. "I just made them think I was going to. I never did actually get to hurting them, they'd always confess too soon..."

Celestia shot her a look.

"Fine..." the azure alicorn grumbled. "I won't scare them. But how should I handle it? You know, getting them to confess, without violence?"

Celestia thought on this, her brow furrowed. What was Luna good at? She was prodigious in the magical arts, even for an alicorn. Celestia knew, however, that out of the two of them, Luna was the less powerful. But there was the little things she always found herself beaten at when facing her sister; arguing over a last slice of cake, mind games, chess. Her sister always won. Slowly, a devious grin crept on to her face. She knew her little sister better than anyone, and if there was one thing she could do...

"Outsmart them."

Luna raised one eyebrow and flashed a smile to her sister before exiting the room. She poked her head back in for a moment to say, "Oh hey, and talk to Red Tape about the various paperwork, would you? Thanks!" she then hastily shut the door behind her.

No point in protesting that, Celestia though. She had already left. The White Monarch rolled her eyes. "Got it..."

There it was again. Outsmarted.

Canterlot Royal Dungeons

Russet Apple shivered in his cell. He was blindfolded, but could tell that the walls were stone, and that there was one door and no windows. He had given up prying at the magical bag on his head, which was stuck firmly around his skull. His thoughts drifted wildly, wondering how his wife was faring, who would administer their jail sentence, and how he was going to let the jailers know that he needed to use the restroom.

He focused on Gold Coin for a minute. He could almost see her yellow fur and crimson mane, hear her infectious laughter. He felt responsible that she was in another cell, which was silly; this whole thing had been her idea. Damned mares.

He then thought of her alone, all by herself in a cold cell. He hoped she wasn't too scared. She was a tough little thing, but she was his tough little thing, he loved her dearly. She tried to be fierce and independent, but deeper inside, he knew that she was fragile, and worried constantly about her image, her husband, and her friends and family. He wished he could be with her, too hold her, to tell her that they'd make it out of here...

And then what would she do, Russet? He though to himself. Probably smack you and say, "I know. I'm Gold Coin, I always have a plan. Now stop your sobbin' and help me!" He shook his head to clear his thoughts. Gold Coin would be fine.

A creaking sound of the cell door being opened caught his attention.

"Who's there? Jailer?"

His only reply was the sound of the door closing. Did they leave? No, he could here the faint sound of a pony breathing...

"Who is it? Is it the jailer?"

"You are Russet Apple, correct?" asked a smooth, businesslike tone. Another mare. Damned mares.

"Obviously." he snorted. "It says so on the cell door, I heard them jailers talkin' 'bout it. Who are you?"

"That's not important and the moment, Russet. I need you to understand your position, where you stand, legally."

"Legally?" where was she coming from with this?

"Yes, or more like, do you understand what you've done?"

Russet flew into a rage. "What is that supposed to mean? I robbed a bank! I stole from the City o' Canterlot! Almost got away with it, not many can say that! I know exactly where I stand, you bitch, and I'm damned proud! I'll rot in jail for a bit, but I'll be out soon enough!"

He lowered his voice before continuing. "We checked the sentences, how long you keep ponies up in here, 'fore we did it, you know. We know what we were gettin' into! So yes, I know exactly where I stand, legally!"

He huffed in a satisfactory sort of manner, proud to get it all off his chest. He'd predicted what would happen if they were caught! He had been ready for the worst possible scenario, and it felt good to tell that bitch so!

A bemused snort sounded in the small room.

"Equestrian Disciplinary Law, Crime, and Punishment recently went through an... let's say, overhaul. I guess you could say it's under 'new management'. All sentences and jail time regulations that you may have read up on so diligently are now null and void." said the voice.

He was completely blindsided. For the first time in his life, Russet Apple didn't know what to say.

After a long pause, he managed to speak.

"Wh- When did, uh, when did this all, uh, happen?" He stuttered, fear in his throat.

"About twenty minutes ago." the voice answered a-matter-of-factly. "And you should be aware, I am in sole command of the nature of your punishment."

He was glad there was a bag over his head, because his red fur went nearly white with fear. Didn't he just call her a bitch? His mind went wild with fear- he was as good as dead! His plans were crumbling in front of his eyes! He was doomed!

"I... well... I suppose..." for the second time in his life, Russet Apple didn't know what to say.

"Do not fear, my little pony; I shall be as fair as I can to you without letting any personal bias interfere. I am a Monarch, after all."

"But- you're not-" he had heard Celestia's voice before, during speeches in Canterlot when he was young. This voice wasn't hers.

Just like that, the bag was lifted off his head. The light was dim, the walls were stone, and the voice was a tall, indigo Alicorn standing directly infront of him. Her figure towered over him, her pose regal and commanding. Her eyes were full of a dark, deep understanding that comforted and frightened him at the same time, and her starlight mane lit the room in a alien, cerulean glow. A slight smile played around her royal muzzle.

"You're Princess Luna." He choked.

"Yes, I am." Luna replied evenly, glad at the color the earth pony was turning. "And I am going to give you a choice."

Chapter Two

"A choice?" she asked.

"Yes, a choice," replied the Princess. That will ultimately decide how long you'll be sitting in this cell, wearing that magic-negater, wishing you never tried to rob a bank."

Gold Coin smirked. "Nice try, Princess. You may be able to send the foals running on Nightmare night, but you don't scare me."

She shifted in her seat. She'd been led through streets, forcing to endure the wonderful language of the citizens of Canterlot, and then thrown quite literally into a cell. She'd been sitting here for over an hour when the Princess had walked in, taken the bag off her head, and told her she had a choice to make. A choice that would decide how long she would stay cooped up in here.

At first, Gold Coin was stunned. Then she immediately started berating the Princess on not following her own laws and regulations. She'd ranted for a good five minutes, nailing the Princess on every transgression that she could think of. Then the Princess very calmly stated that she'd changed the law.

She felt very stupid right about then. She'd forgotten that Monarchs could do that from time to time.

"I do not wish to scare you." said the Princess, with just a hint of an indignant air. "Should I wish to instill fear unto you... well, let's just say that one of us is a better Illusionist than the other."

"Don't count me out, Your Highness." Gold Coin smiled deviously. "The reason we got away from your oh so amazing royal guard is because I created-"

"Multiple copies of yourselves, each running down a different alleyway? I know." it was Luna's turn to smirk. "I read the report. Not a bad tactic, I suppose, but you sure left an image of what you looked like with each of the guards. Didn't last too long before you got tired of running and casting illusions, and then they found you."

That shut Gold Coin up. She looked down at her hooves, defeated, but almost immediately regained some of her swagger.

"Well we hid for a whole damn two hours, you know! Wasn't easy! Most criminals, they just get caught at the scene of the crime, but not us! No, Russet and I know our stuff!" as she talked, she felt pride working its way back into her voice.

"Yet you showed a lack of foresight by not predicting that I may change jail time lengths and punishments."

And her pride was gone. She looked at the floor, muttering, "Yeah, but that's pretty much cheating, that's against the rules, isn't it?"

"So is robbing a bank."

She snapped- she'd had enough of the smartass Princess!

"You said you had a choice for me, right? You gonna give it to me or just try to make me feel stupid all day?"

"Certainly. You can either stay silent, or rat out your husband."

What? Her mind slowed down, processing what the Princess had told her. Tell on... her husband? Why would she do that? Russet had her back in every way that she had his. They were a team! If the Princess thought that she would just throw that all away and tell on her husband?

"You don't really think I'll-" she began, ready to give the Princess a piece of her mind.

"Allow me to explain in a more detailed manner." continued the Princess. "Your husband, Russet Apple, will be given the same choice; either stay silent, or confess that you committed the crime.

"Should you both choose the route of silence, and neither of you confess, then you shall each be given a three-year sentence. Somewhat fair, considering the original sentence would have been seven years for the both of you.

"Should he rat you out while you stay silent-"

"He better not..." interrupted the unicorn.

"Ahem. Of course not. Should he confess you committed a crime while you stay silent, he shall receive six months of jail time and you shall be given six years. This works both ways, so if he stays silent while you confess his guilt, he'll get six years while you get half a year."

"And finally, should you both confess and blame each other, you both get five years jail time."

There was a pause. Gold Coin thought carefully, about what they would decide on. They would both have to stay silent- that was the best route, as far as she could tell, so now she just needed to confirm that route with her husband.

"Well then can I-" began Gold Coin.

"And no, you will not be informed of his decision, nor will he be informed of yours. You shall make your decisions alone, and your partner will be told of your choice only after your jail time has been decided. I have already told him the rules and left him to think on his own choice.

"So it's your call. What do you think your loving, dependable husband will choose for you? And more importantly, what will you choose for him?"

Gold Coin slumped against the wall. It was one thing to get jail time, but this... this was a very tricky gamble.

"I'll leave you to think on that. These cells are as comfortable as a sewer, so think hard on how long you want to spend in here." Princess Luna allowed herself another smirk as she shut the door behind her.

Palace Gardens

"So how'd it go?" asked Celestia as her sister sauntered towards her.

"Quite well." answered the blue Alicorn, with a smile that thoroughly frighted Celestia. She knew that smile all too well. It was the smile she had when you walked right into her trap, or when she figured out how to checkmate you in chess.

Celestia didn't know whether to be reassured or terrified.

Chapter Three

The prisoners were given two days to decide on whether to stay silent or confess for their partner in crime. Gold Coin thought on it, and decided the best course of action within about half an hour after Luna left. She spent the rest of the two days relaxing as best she could.

Russet Apple, however, could not choose. He trusted his wife, and he knew she trusted him, but would she choose what was best for him, or for her? Was she planning something? Okay, that was stupid- she always was planning something. She would know the move he should make. She'd have confidence he'd choose correctly. Trouble is, he had no idea which was correct.

Okay, Russet, he told himself. Gold Coin's got your back. She'll stay silent. You should too, that way you both get off well enough. Three years, when spent with someone you love, isn't that bad. And the food's free. But then again, he countered, what if she expects me to be the gentleman, and let her blame me while I stay silent? It'd be the chivalrous thing to do. She'd get out quicker, and then she'd owe you one. But then you get six years! That's a long time... alone, with bad food. He didn't know how long he'd make it without Gold Coin's cooking. And anyway, that wasn't fair! He loved his wife, but she can't just expect me to spend six years of my life in a cell? I ought to tell on her! She'd stay with me. We'd be suffering, but at least we'd be together. But she wouldn't do that, she's got your back! She's probably going to stay silent.

Around and around it went, making the poor stallion's head swim.

Princess Luna's Private Chambers

The game was going quite poorly for Celestia. It hadn't been fifteen minutes and she'd lost both of her knights, a rook, three pawns, and a bishop. Luna had held on to all her pieces but one pawn, which Celestia had snagged with a knight, and then immediately lost the knight. She sighed.

"What's the matter, sister?" asked Luna. "You're playing worse than you normally do. What is it?"

"Gee, thanks." muttered the monarch. "Well, I guess I'm a little concerned about those prisoners. You haven't hurt them, riiight?"

"Sister!" the younger Princess was indignant. "We have done no such thing! Why, the nerve to suggest that we-"

"Luna."

"That we would do something as horrible as that, it offends us! Why, we-"

"Luna! You're doing it again."

"Oh- um, ahem, I didn't hurt them. I never have hurt prisoners, and I never will!" huffed Luna.

"I believe you. But it's been two days, Luna. Most of these matters are decided a bit, well, quicker."

"I told you! I'm not in control of the output here! I've given them the choices, and they must decide. I can't rush them or they'll mess up."

"And do what," Celestia said, raising an eyebrow. "Make the wrong choice? This whole thing makes no sense anyways."

"There is a right and wrong choice in that game for each of them. They must think as long as they can before they decide!"

"Didn't the unicorn decide within under an hour?" Celestia moved her pawn forward- but wait, that left her last bishop exposed.

"Well... yes," stuttered Luna, observing her sisters pieces. "But she's made the right choice, I feel."

"Which was?" better to move the bishop itself, take out the rook. The little black rook fell with a clatter as Celestia used her bishop to knock it down.

"Hmph. I liked that rook. Sorry, anyway, I can't tell you. Confidentiality, you understand."

"What! You're ridiculous. You're just bitter because I'm fighting back here, aren't you?"

"No, not really." She moved her Queen two spaces to her left. "Check and mate, I believe."

"What! That's not possible! You can't-"

"Rook is here, the knights mean you cannot move there, and Queen can kill you in one move."

Celestia studied the board furiously, looking for any way out. There was none.

"Damn it! Who invented this Faust-Damned game anyway..." Celestia grumped.

"You're just bitter because I'm fighting back here, aren't you?" parroted Luna.

"Don't you start. Just... handle the prisoners, okay?" she moved to leave the room. "Don't scare them too much!"

"They'll make the right choice!" smiled Luna. "And sister,"

Celestia looked at her sister, sitting contentedly by her chessboard, fire in the hearth and the moon she raised filling the room with a mixture of orange and silver.

"The game count is now seventy four to thirteen, in my favor. Goodnight, sister."

Celestia did something truly un-royal right then. She rolled her eyes.

Canterlot Dungeons

Russet was in a truly grim state.

His had thought from each angle a hundred times before, and each seemed both possible and reasonable. Damn mares and their mind games! It seemed to him, now, that no matter what he chose Gold Coin would be frustrated with him. He could end up endangering her to a longer sentence, or he might accidentally allow her to condemn him to six long years. The earth pony rubbed his head. He wished he had his hat. The guards had taken it.

*Knock knock*

The cell door knocked twice before it swung slowly open. He could see not the princess, but a unicorn in the Canterlot Guard armor. A mare. Damnable mares.

"Russet Apple!" barked the unicorn in a voice that sounded vaguely familiar. "Your jail sentence has been decided! You shall be in this room for five hundred years!"

"What? Who are-" he began, thoroughly befuddled at this crazy mares' actions.

The guard raised her helmet, revealing eyes he knew all too well. "It's me, you dork!"

His eyes lit up in realization. "Coin! How'd you-"

"I had a magic-negater on, not a hoof-negater." Gold Coin muttered hurriedly unlocking his cuffs, which had been attached to the wall. "They seem to think I can't throw a decent punch. We have a bit of time before the guard wakes up, I cast an Illusion on him so he looks like me."

"You undressed another stallion?"

"Yes, and you can thank me later! Come on, Russet!" She stood by the door, impatiently motioning for her husband to follow.

He stepped towards her, only to feel her magic stop him from moving another step.

"Oh yeah, and one last thing..."

She kissed him quite passionately. She then proceeded to dropp him on his hindquarters and began to hurry down the hall. The stallion blinked, euphoric.

"Come on, Russet!"

Still dazed, he quickly trotted after his scheming wife. Damned mares, he thought. Damned mares.

Chapter Four

Canterlot Dining Hall

The fabulous meal was coming to a close. The chefs hastily carted out dessert, a scrumptious looking slice of chocolate cake for Celestia and a small bowl of strawberries for Luna. The younger Princess ate very quickly, taking large mouthfuls and chewing loudly. She was done within seconds, and immediately hopped out of her seat.

"Well, I'm off to check on the prisoners!" announced Luna. She was grinning like a madmare, her voice chipper and a spring in her step as she bounced away from the table.

"Did they decide? Did they choose right?" asked Celestia eagerly, looking up from her pastry.

"Did they choose correctly, sister, and I think they did. I hope so! Guards," she nodded to a group of Night Guards. "With me, please."

"What do you need them for?" inquired Celestia.

"No reason." Luna giggled innocently.

"Luna..."

"See you latter, Tia!"

"Luna!"

"What?" she turned around, halting the guards.

"Prison is that way." said Celestia, pointing with her hoof the direct opposite direction of which Luna was heading.

"Oh! I know. Good night, sister!" she walked off with her posse of Night Guards in the exact same direction, ignoring her sister entirely.

"But... but..." Celestia watched in confusion as her sister rounded a corner out of sight. "Forget it! I'm going to bed."

Canterlot Castle Sewer Entrance

"This is why I married you, Coin."

Russet was beaming. His wife had thought her way through this thing to the letter. They'd paraded through the castle, almost noisily, posing as an inebriated pair of lovers, a guard and a servant. They'd giggled, acted embarrassed when noticed, and generally acted the entire time like they were heading for a bedroom. It had worked flawlessly, and they'd avoided any guards and nobody seemed to know or care who they were.

"You mean, my body didn't help any at all?" she asked, fiddling with the lock with a manepin she'd stolen.

"I didn't say that."

They were standing in the Castle Sewer Entrance, which was located in a small room in the castle kitchens. It was the exact opposite side of the castle as the prison, so they'd had to walk a long time to get there. They'd shut the door behind them and barred it with a shelf that was used for storing food.

The lock clicked open. Gold Coin stood up proudly and slipped the manepin back into her mane.

"These sewers lead out of the city?" asked Russet, opening the grate. There was a ladder leading to a damp-looking passage below.

"Yeah. They wind up at a sewage plant about half a mile aways and below the city. We'll have a bit of walking to do." replied Gold Coin, taking the first steps down into the sewers.

"Lovely. Where to from there?" Russet followed his wife.

"Probably Manehattan. It's closer than the other cities and it'll be easier to blend in there. Hold on a sec'."

Gold Coin cricked her neck muscles and squeezed her eyes shut. The dark tunned loomed in front of them, black and foreboding.

"What is it, honey?" Russet Apple turned to his wife, concerned. "You alright?"

"Yeah, it's just that dumb magic-negater has some after-effects. Lucky the guard I knocked out had a clipper on him or we'd be in trouble." a small burst of magic shot from her horn, twisting before settling as a glowing golden orb that hovered merrily around the pair's heads. "There we go!"

"Very nice." Smiled Russet. He shut the grate behind him, then took a few steps to catch up with his wife.

"I didn't tell you yet, because I didn't have the chance," he began, walking steadily alongside his wife. "But this was really quite clever. You really outsmarted the Princess."

"Faust yeah I did! I hope she learns that not everypony will play her little games." Gold Coin smirked.

There was a pause where only the sound of their hooves on the stone damp stone floor could be heard.

"Russet?" asked Gold Coin. She didn't sound as confident as she had a minute ago. "What option were you going to take?"

"Eh?" Russet looked sheepish. "I don't really know. I think I was leaning towards staying silent, though."

In the half-light of the magical orb, Gold Coin smiled. "Thanks, Russet."

"No problem, Coin. Can I ask you something as well?

"Of course!" she said.

"Why did you wait two days? Couldn't you have broken me out earlier? I'm not complaining, no, just, I guess, wondering."

"It's okay, you don't need to sound so nervous. I needed time to regain a bit of magic. That magic-negater didn't stop my magic from recharging, it only stopped me from casting."

"Oh. I suppose that makes sense."

The walked on in silence.

"I wish I could see the look on that Princesses' face when she realizes we escaped." laughed Russet Apple.

"Haha, yeah." Gold Coin grinned. "She think's she's so smart. And yet we managed to outwit her within two days. Some Princess." she laughed loudly.

Then a third voice came out of the darkness, one the two criminals knew only too well. "Some Princess indeed, if she did not consider all the alternatives." the voice came from directly in front of them.

Within seconds, the passage was awash with dozens of blue orbs. Princess Luna stood about five feet infront of them, backed by two Night Guards on each side. Russet turned to run, but four more Night Guards had appeared in the tunnel behind them, their reptilian eyes glaring. They were surrounded.

"Gold Coin and Russet Apple," smiled the Princess as her magic scooped up the wayward felons and casted a sleeping spell upon them. "I'm glad you both made the right choice."

Canterlot Hallways

Luna walked happily away from the prison, confident that both prisoners were indeed secure this time around. She'd guessed that Gold Coin would make an escape, but had decided to allow it. This gave her the opportunity to instill a bit good old-fashioned fear in the two of them. She hoped she came across as the fearsome, 'All-Knowing Empress of the Night!' She snorted with laughter. No, she didn't want that, merely she wanted to let them know that she was ready for any situation. She could handle whatever they threw at her.

A slightly unkempt-looking Celestia turned down the hall in front of her. Upon seeing her younger sister, Celestia called out to her.

"Luna! I figured it out!"

"Oh did you?" asked Luna as her sister walked to her.

"Yes. Okay. So. Here's how it works, right? Okay. So each prisoner has two options, say Option A and Option B, right? So Option A is to stay silent, and Option B is to rat out on their partner. If they both choose A, it's three years. Right so far?"

"Yes, you are correct so far. Here, walk with me." They meandered through the halls, heading to Luna's bedroom.

"And then if one chooses Option A while the other chooses Option B, then the squealer gets six months and the other, who stayed silent, gets six years. That works both ways. Correct."

"Yes."

"But if they both choose Option B, then they both get five years. Right?"

"Correct again."

"So which did they choose? Did Russet choose A? I feel like he would. Did he?"

"No." replied Luna calmly.

"He chose B? But Gold Coin was going to do that! I thought so for sure!" Celestia was exasperated.

"They both made the same choice, I'll tell you that." Luna was grinning that grin again, and Celestia had failed to notice.

"They both chose Option B? I didn't see that coming at all-"

"Tia. They didn't choose Option B." They were outside Luna's door now.

Celestia's exasperation became pure confusion. "Then what in Faust's name did they choose?"

Luna grinned her winning grin as she entered her room. "Option C." she responded giddily, before shutting the door behind her.

Celestia sat in the hall for a good minute straight. Her eyes were not focused on anything in particular, but her brow seemed to be furrowed in concentration.

"Ach! I give up!" she shouted. "I'm going to bed!"

Canterlot Dungeons

Gold Coin listened as the jailer shut the door behind her. She counted to ten, forcing herself to count slowly. Then she sprang into action.

The Princess had seen to it that her front hooves were chained to the wall this time, but she had neglected to do anything about her back hooves. Gold Coin leaned in to her belly, like her mother had taught her, and raised her back hooves to her head. She sifted around in her mane in a very awkward fashion, until she felt it dislodge and fall to the floor with a faint tinkle. She grabbed the bobby pin with her mouth.

Some Princess, she thought. She set to work on picking the lock.

To be continued...