It was a few years after my coronation that Celestia told me about it. In some ways, I wish she had sooner, as though a few extra years to think would have helped. But what I really wish was that she’d never told me at all. She placed this burden on my shoulders, an impossible choice that would forever loom over me, poisoning every happy moment with a dark stain.
She meant to be kind. Told me that there was no rush, I should take my time and not worry about it. Just remember it, and when the time was right, I would know.
The time was never right. I could only use it once, and I had more than just one friend. It was the Gala ticket all over again, except this time there weren’t any extras.
I tried to follow her advice. Tried to push it to the back of my mind, trusting that I’d know when it was time. All that did was let it fester in the dark spaces between my thoughts, tainting them with its venom. Any moment could be the moment. I was always watching.
Years passed in agony. Paralyzed by indecision, I moved through life in a fog of fear and doubt. Always watching and waiting for the ‘right time’.
I never told anyone. How could I put the weight of that choice on anyone else? No, just this once, I would carry the responsibility on my own, without the aid of those who had come to my rescue in the past. Because you’d all have hated me for the choice I was to make.
Years turned into decades. Sometimes the good times were bright enough that I barely noticed the shadows lurking in my mind. But I always remembered how limited they were. I watched you all age around me, weathered like pebbles by the tides, while I remained untouched. Time was running short, but I hadn’t made a choice.
Then Fluttershy got sick.
I thought, surely, this was the moment? I sat by her bedside along with so many of her friends - animal and pony alike - and watched her wither away. Knowing, always, that I had the power to stop it. To end her suffering. But…
But then what? I had only one golden ticket. I had to use it wisely, and Fluttershy… Fluttershy was at peace. So connected with nature, she wasn’t afraid of death. She’d have hated me, if I chose her instead of someone else.
She died while I was still wrestling with my decision. I never even told her.
We cried, and mourned for her. Discord, more than most. He looked at me, and I could see in his eyes that he knew. He knew what I could have done, and did not.
He doesn’t talk to me anymore.
Wracked with guilt and grief, I promised myself I would act sooner. I would make my choice.
Pinkie Pie was next, and though it pained me, I did not even consider her. She had made it clear, her mane gray and surrounded by her children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, that she was looking forward to seeing her husband again. I did not tell her. I knew that she would not have accepted.
I hope she sees him.
I thought my choice would get easier when there were fewer to choose from. I couldn’t have been more wrong. The weight of your deaths stacked up atop me; my burden only grew heavier.
Rarity died suddenly. There were no last words, no gentle goodbye’s in a sterile hospital. A life of stress at her business had left her heart weak. It was only a matter of time. I cursed myself for being so indecisive. If I’d been faster, I could have saved her. But I wondered if she’d have even accepted, or if she’d try to give it to someone else.
I never got the chance to find out.
Two of you remained. I felt as though I was being crushed. Celestia sent me a letter. For the first time, she brought up my choice again. She said only one thing;
Choose quickly.
I wish I could have.
Forced to pick between the last of my closest friends. Both of you aged but sturdy and stubborn rocks. I thought for sure you’d both last until I’d made up my mind.
Rainbow Dash did not.
A life of athleticism had left her vitality strong, but pushing her body as far as it could go had consequences that she was now reaping.
I hate myself everyday for the first thing I thought when she was taken to the hospital.
If she died, my choice would be easy.
I never told her. She died.
My choice is no easier.
Now you’ve taken ill, the last of my closest friends, and I am forced to finally make the choice I’d been presented with all those years ago.
As an alicorn, I am immortal, but I have enough magic to share with one other pony. Just one. The Kiss of the Alicorn. I can grant one other pony in this world immortality, so that I am not alone.
“No.”
Twilight sucked in a breath. “Applejack?”
The old, wrinkled mare in the bed simply shook her head. “I don’t want yer gift.”
“Please! Please don’t leave me alone…” Twilight trailed off as she felt her cheeks grow wet.
Applejack reached out a single, bone-thin hoof to comfort the alicorn. “I’m sorry, but… I want to see them again. Our friends, my parents, everyone. I don’t want to live forever.”
“Neither do I! But I didn’t get a choice!” Twilight yelled, her wings flaring. “Why should you!?”
Applejack just smiled at her sadly. “You wouldn’t force that on me. I know you better than that. I’m sorry, sugarcube.”
Tears flowed in thick rivers down Twilight’s cheeks as she slowly curled in on herself. “None of you would have accepted, would you?”
“I was always going to be alone.”