Swings and Roundabouts

by Roserado

Rating: everyone
Tags: Alternate Universe, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Bat Pony, Comedy
Length: 1767

Carrot Stick and Rose Rain don't know how to get Wallnut Drive to listen to them. Rose has an idea that Carrot doesn't like.

Carrot Stick and Rose Rain don't know how to get Wallnut Drive to listen to them. Rose has an idea that Carrot doesn't like.

A fun and quick one-shot to get me back in the writing mood. Based on a fun conversation I had in the EaW Discord that gave me this idea. Of course, this takes place in the Equestria At War universe. Equestria At War is a mod for the grand strategy game Hearts of Iron IV, be sure to check out their Discord and Reddit if you're not familiar with it. They also have a group on this site: https://www.fimfiction.net/group/212917/equestria-at-war

Published 2023-06-10 19:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-06-10 19:00:00 UTC

Swings and Roundabouts

Bright lights, loud music, and excited party goers were all around Carrot Stick. From the moment he had arrived at this massive hotel after being "invited" by Wallnut Drive and his goons, there hadn't been a moment of quiet. The entire first floor has been turned into the center of a party that had been going on for days now, and showed no sign of stopping. Surrounded by mercenaries (albeit inebriated ones) all loyal to Drive and with all exits blocked by a wall of drunkards, there was no escape from the ever-present concoction of sights and sounds.

The most Carrot Stick could do to dampen the onslaught of sensations was to keep his flank to a wall and, against his better judgment, sip occasionally from a drink he had picked up some time ago. It tasted like someone had mixed cider, coffee, and wine together in one drink - for all he knew, that could be exactly what this was.

I guess it's not the worst thing I've ever had. He thinks to himself, looking around for the only other reasonable pony in the building. The last time the two of them spoke, they had promised to meet up at this spot if they got separated again, which was something that seemed to happen often in this messy conglomeration of ponies and zebras.

Just as his eyes begin to glaze over from scanning the heads of mercenary after mercenary, the annoyed face of Rose Rain pops out from amidst the horde. Their eyes lock for a moment before a webbed wing slaps the right side of her head, causing her to bare her teeth. The offending thestral, oblivious to his actions, saunters away and melds with the rest of the crowd before the mare can do anything. With a huff, she walks towards Carrot Stick, her expression already relaxing from anger to mild annoyance.

"Having fun?" Carrot Stick asks as soon as she comes within earshot. He looks to the side of her head, noticing how the hair on the right side of her face has been made unkempt by the stray wing hit. "It sure looks like you've been having fun."

Rose's eyes follow his, and she quickly tamps down the uneven hair with her hoof. "You know, Carrot, it seems like you're having a lot more 'fun' than I am." She notes, nodding her head at the drink in his hoof. "Don't tell me you're letting go after only three days."

Carrot looks down at the concoction in his cup and holds back a grimace. "Water isn't easy to come by around here, surprisingly. Plenty of booze, though, and I have to drink something before I collapse from dehydration."

Rose Rain presses her mouth in a line and settles next to Carrot Stick, tentatively sitting against the wall her companion has his flank to. Looking him in the eye, she asks, "So, any success with our not-so-humble host?"

Carrot shakes his head and sighs. "You don't think I would've led with that? No, he's so hard to tie down that the few times I've managed to get a hold of him, he just says some nonsense about 'enjoying the party' and slips away. If there was an obvious way to get him alone with just the two of us, we would've figured it out by now."

The sound of a glass breaking against the floor cuts through the noise, but it quickly disappears just as fast as it came. Rose adjusts the cufflinks on her suit, which Carrot notices has gotten stained in several places. The urge to comment on it is quickly shoved down as he remembers that his own suit is no better off.

"Well, we need to come up with something soon before somepony else gets to him before we can. You know what's at stake here." says the maroon-coated mare. Her ears perk up at something, and she points a hoof at a spot in the crowd. "Ah, there's the stallion himself."

Carrot Stick peers out at where her hoof is pointing, and sure enough, Wallnut Drive is there, a smile on his face and a spring in his step - just the same as the last half dozen times Carrot saw him. He seems to be in the middle of a dance, just like the other ponies around him. His movements are very disconnected to the beat of the current song playing, but from his expression, you'd think he's perfectly in sync.

Carrot isn't surprised to see Wallnut here, nor would he be surprised to see him anywhere on the ground floor. Wherever the party is, Wallnut is always right there in the middle, grinning and laughing like the entire state of Chiropterra isn't breaking down outside at this very moment.

How did a buffoon like that manage to lead an army to capture New Ayacachtli?

Wallnut attempts to perform some kind of dance move unfamiliar to Carrot Stick, but smacks his jaw against one of his hooves in the middle of it. After a moment, he shakes his head and puts on a smile like nothing happened at all. Carrot rolls his eyes. "I don't get how somepony like him came out on top. He's just… just so…"

Carrot squints his eyes at the thestral, trying to think of how best to describe him. The right phrase to describe all of what annoyed Carrot about Wallnut Drive seemed to elude him. Impressively obnoxious? Ridiculously self-assured? Stupidly lucky?

"Hot?" suggests Rose Rain.

Carrot Stick does a double take. He makes a face of utter confusion at the mare beside him, who raises an eyebrow. "What? You were thinking it too."

"Wha - no, I wasn't!" Carrot exclaims. "And, come on, are you really saying this warlord who took over your home and conquered mine is… attractive?"

Rose purses her lips, seemingly undisturbed by his question. "Yes? Just because he's a despotic moron of some fashion doesn't mean I can't appreciate a nice flank when I see one."

Carrot's mouth hangs open briefly before he closes it and turns away from his companion. "I can't believe you're thinking about his… flank… when we've clearly got better things to be thinking about? Like how we're going to get him away from all this partying and somehow convince him to let us turn this mess into a functional democracy?"

Rose opens her mouth, then slowly closes it. She brings a hoof to her chin and taps it, suddenly in thought. Before Carrot can ask, she says, "What if that's exactly how we get him?"

…What in the world is she talking about.

"Rose, what are you-"

She covers his mouth with her hoof. "No, hear me out. Wallnut isn't interested in anything we say when we approach him about what happens after the party is done or what kind of government he's going to create - he's just not interested in any of that right now. But, what if we can get him to come somewhere private, just the three of us, for… another kind of party?"

Carrot moves her hoof away. "You cannot be suggesting what I think you are! This is beyond ridiculous, and even if it wasn't, how can you be so sure he even likes stallions? How are you so sure I like stallions? It will never work!"

Her mouth turns down into a frown. She quickly glances at Wallnut, still in the crowd, before turning back to Carrot Stick. "First, I've seen him badly dancing with as many mares as he has stallions. Second, I saw you eyeing him up just a few minutes ago, so don't even start. And finally - do you have any better ideas?"

Carrot quickly opens his mouth with an "I…" but quickly cuts himself off, knowing he doesn't. A grimace arises on his face, and his eyes drift to the drink he's still holding. After a moment's hesitation, he brings it to his lips, tilts back his head, and downs the rest of it, the taste of coffee grounds, apples, and white wine unceremoniously washing over his taste buds.

He wipes his mouth with the cuff of his undershirt, before tossing the empty cup to the side. He takes a moment to look back at the stallion that brought them here once again. Wallnut is still wearing that beige army uniform, and he unintentionally notes how, despite it seeming loose fitting at the front, it tightens up at the back, hugging the thestral's waist. His flank, though, is uncovered, and now that Carrot is looking at it, looks to be quite-

"Okay, fine. I see what you mean. I'll give it a shot." Carrot Stick relents, prompting Rose Rain to smirk. He begins to walk towards their target, and Rose quickly follows alongside him.

"What have we got to lose?"

Carrot groans as light hits his eyes, still closed but still sensitive. A mild headache assails him as he tries to wake up and gauge his surroundings. He peeks an eye open and finds himself in a bed he doesn't remember sleeping in, and in a room he barely remembers walking into. He glances to his right, where he sees Rose Rain on the other side of the bed, and a strangely empty space between them. She seems to be waking up just as he is, and as Carrot throws off the covers and recollects himself, the bathroom door loudly creaks open.

Carrot could only watch as a barely-clothed and visibly hungover Wallnut steps out, toothbrush firmly locked between his teeth. Clad in only a towel to cover his hindquarters, the stallion simply glances at both of them and goes back into the bathroom to spit out the toothpaste as they brush the sleep out of their eyes. A moment later he returns, clears his throat, and looks back and forth at the two ponies in his bed.

“Ugh… look, I’m gonna be honest; I need your help. I’m… I’m gonna put on some clothes, try and figure out what in Tartarus is going on and do my best to get things sorted. Once things look a little less chaotic… mmm… you can try your hooves at governing; that sound good?” he asked, managing a smile that convincingly hid his assumedly brutal headache.

“And…” he starts again, “maybe we can do this again sometime?” he asks with a hopeful smile.

The pair look at one another, both thinking the same thing. Rose grins, and Carrot follows suit. “I’m sure we’ll be the best of partners, Wallnut.”