There are giant sloths too
Stuck in another time, another place, a scattered group of ponies work to bring order back to the timestream and find their way home…
Two mares peeked over the top of a grassy hill, looking toward the rocky base of a mountain. Both quivered as a group of ponies in simple clothes and ragged manes marched down a path carrying another pony: one wearing modern clothes and a blank expression.
“I can’t believe Maud just let those caveponies take her,” said Trixie, her hat jutting far above the round of the hill. “She just kept staring at the mountain and did nothing at all.”
“I probably would have done the same thing,” Fluttershy said softly.
With a heave, the group of caveponies placed Maud onto the ground and another pony, perhaps their chief, approached the mare, his mouth moving.
“I can’t tell what they’re saying,” said Trixie.
The pony presented Maud with a fruit, which she promptly took a bite out of.
“Oh, that seems nice at least,” said Fluttershy.
One of the caveponies happened to look in their direction then did a double take, tilting and moving her head around.
“Cheese it!” Trixie whisper-screamed and galloped away. Taken aback, Fluttershy needed another second to do the same.
They ran down the hill and through a forest of prehistoric Equestria until they slowed down in a clearing.
After panting, Fluttershy said, “How can we save Maud from all those ponies?”
“These caveponies are clearly quite primitive,” Trixie said with a swish of her mane, wiping away her sweat. “No hats, not even no clothes. With my performance skills and magic, I can easily frighten and demoralize them, and we’ll be able to rescue her, easy peasy.”
Fluttershy frowned. “I’m not sure frightening them is the best move.”
“And demoralizing.”
“Or demoralizing. These ponies are our past, and they must have the same capacity for kindness. We already saw how they’re treating Maud.”
Trixie huffed. “Well what are we supposed to do, then? If we just walk right in, we’ll be captured like Maud!” She got on her knees and shook her front hooves. “Trixie is an artist, Fluttershy! She needs to perform!”
After a pause, Fluttershy raised an eyebrow. “Did you just want an excuse to do a magic show?”
Trixie looked away. “Maybe.”
Fluttershy smiled. “Oh, well we can still do that. But instead of scaring them—”
“And demoralizing.”
“—and demoralizing them, we can instead amaze and impress them!” She raised a hoof and widened her eyes.
The magician tapped her chin. “Trixie does like the sound of that. Perhaps we can even rewrite history so that Trixie is the greatest magician of all time!” She hummed. “Although that does make me worry that this could encourage baby Trixie to surpass herself and then create a bigger impression when she goes back in time herself and create an infinite loop where she becomes a god.”
Fluttershy tilted her head. “Maybe hold back a bit.”
“Trixie will try.” She looked around. “In any case, we don’t have much to work with. No stage, no boxes, no fireworks—well, besides the ones I was saving for monster attacks. Not even any cards.”
“But we do have animals! Trixie, you’ve been working on animal acts a lot recently, so it’s perfect!”
Trixie tapped her chin. “Hmm, Trixie, Dinosaur Master. That does have a ring to it.”
Fluttershy narrowed her eyes. “Trixie, there aren’t any dinosaurs here.”
Trixie tilted her head. “What do you call those things, then? Those dinosaurs eating those trees.”
She pointed to a group of large hairless animals the size of elephants, with thick tails and long claws that they used to grasp the branches of tall trees, standing on their back legs.
Fluttershy giggled. “Oh, those must be Megatherium—giant sloths!”
Trixie’s face twisted. “That’s disgusting!”
Fluttershy gasped. “They are not disgusting! They’re wonders of prehistory.”
The unicorn flailed her hooves. “I don’t want to touch them!”
“Trixie, you’ve worked with elephants! Their skin texture shouldn’t be very different.”
“Yes, but elephants are the size they’re supposed to be. These are freaks of nature!”
Fluttershy huffed and looked around. Then she sighed. “Actually, I made a mistake. These are dinosaurs, just like you thought.” She scrunched her face. “Also called Megatherium.”
Trixie stood up straight. “Aha, like I thought! Yes, Trixie will go down in history for her dinosaur trick, just watch and see!”
Seeing Trixie’s smiling face, Fluttershy couldn’t help but giggle. “It’s great to see you so excited.”
“Ooh, maybe they can stand on their back legs! That’s always a crowd pleaser.”
“Trixie, they’re already standing on their back legs.”
“True enough, but that’s only the start of the trick. Next Trixie will have them backflip, then fire their atomic breath at me in what seems like the trick going wrong, but then gasp Trixie will appear behind the audience, none the worse for wear!”
Fluttershy started walking toward the sloths. “I’m not so sure about that last part. I’ll go and ask them what they’d be interested in doing.”
Trixie rolled her eyes. “Yes yes, fine, I suppose I will be working with amateurs after all.”
They soon arrived in front of the pack of sloths, who continued munching on their leaves.
Fluttershy cleared her throat. “Excuse me, ladies. Could I have your attention?”
The sloths remained focused on the trees.
“Ladies? Hmm, maybe they’re ancient enough that they don’t understand me.”
“Well Trixie knows the universal language!” Reaching into her cape, Trixie pulled out a bag of snacks. “Behold, you great lizard monsters! Peanut butter crackers from the future!”
The nearest sloth paused her feast and sniffed the air. Her front legs fell onto the ground with a thud and, while not exactly fast for her size, she walked to Trixie more fluidly than one would expect from a sloth. However, having not recognized her as a sloth, Trixie saw nothing unusual about this.
The sloth sniffed the bag and Trixie briefly looked back at Fluttershy with sincere excitement before using her magic to pull out a cracker. The sloth snatched it out of the air with her mouth and chewed on it, before releasing a loud groan.
“She likes it!” Fluttershy explained.
“Only natural, it’s the case for all living creatures.” Trixie pulled out another cracker, which the sloth eagerly ate.
Fluttershy chose not to mention that she didn’t like peanut butter and instead turned to the sloth. “Now that we have your attention, miss, could I talk to you?” After the sloth groaned again, Fluttershy responded, “Yes, I can understand you! It’s so wonderful to meet you, and I can’t overstate how much I mean that. I’m Fluttershy, and this is Trixie.”
Trixie waved. “Hello, Miss Dinosaur!”
The sloth paused.
Fluttershy smiled uneasily. “Anyway, we’d really like to do something to amaze and impress the ponies on that mountain over there,” she said, pointing. The sloth followed her hoof. “Are there any tricks you can do? Like neat acrobatic stunts?”
The sloth grumbled.
“Backflips? That’s perfect!”
Trixie waved her hoof. “Ooh! Ooh! Do you have an atomic breath?”
“Trixie, I don’t think—”
The sloth raised her head to the sky, opened her mouth, and a raging orange flame erupted from it. She then closed her mouth and looked down at the ponies.
As Fluttershy sank onto her back legs and blinked, Trixie pumped her hoof in the air. “Yes, this show will be exactly as Trixie imagined!”
Trixie scrambled onto the back of the sloth, and she had little reason to complain after the unicorn tossed her another cracker. “I’ve seen enough. We’re ready to take this show on the road and rescue Maud! Are you coming, Fluttershy?”
“Huh? Oh, right.” Fluttershy flew to the top of the creature and settled behind Trixie. With a quick explanation, the sloth trudged forward toward the cavepony settlement.
The pegasus looked around at the trees passing them by and smiled. “You know Trixie, while I’m not exactly happy about being sent back in time, I’m glad it was with you.”
Trixie looked back over her shoulder and blinked. “Oh? I’m a bit surprised, really. I kind of got the impression you were scared of me. And I don’t blame you after how I used to act.”
“I was scared of you, yes, back when we first met—and when you took over Ponyville. But you’ve changed a lot. You’ve become quite dependable, actually. If it was just Maud and me in this predicament, I don’t know what we would have done.”
Trixie’s eyes darted around and she blushed lightly. “Trixie appreciates you saying that. You’re really dependable yourself. I would have just rushed in to scare the caveponies without you.”
Fluttershy smiled confidently. “And together we are going to save Maud!”
Suddenly Trixie leaned over. “Ooh! Ooh! Look at that!”
Not too far away, a giant armadillo with thick armor plating walked past.
“I know that one! That’s an Ankylosaurus, right?”
Trixie smiled so brightly that Fluttershy could do nothing more than smile back and say, “Sure, Trixie.”
Before long, they found themselves in the cavepony settlement. There were some guards on a dirt path leading in, but the sloth walked past them without even getting a glance.
The village was situated on a large flat area partway up a mountain and was made up of a few dozen huts and some larger structures, made from wood and bricks the color of the brown forest soil. Rather than going toward the buildings, the path led to a wide area that looked over the open air.
In front of a large twilight bonfire, several caveponies gathered. Earthenware plates held fruits and porridge, over which ponies talked vigorously, and many danced in front of the fire, including several laughing foals. They were so caught up in their revel that even the arrival of the sloth did nothing to disturb them.
Finding an appropriate empty area, the sloth riders hopped down.
“Behold!” Trixie shouted, blowing her cape back dramatically.
There was no response. The evening celebrations continued unheeding.
Trixie posed with an awkward smile, slowly waving her front legs.
Fluttershy leaned to Trixie’s ear. “Maybe you need to go right into the tricks.”
Trixie nodded, cleared her throat, and lifted her hoof. “Behold!!”
The air displaced around them as the sloth leapt into the air and did not just a simple backflip, but a 1080-degree rotation before landing with a loud thud.
The caveponies all remained focused on other things.
Trixie’s eye twitched. “Well then!” She took a deep breath. “BEHOLD!!!”
Fluttershy barely had time to jump away as the sloth blasted Trixie with flames. After several seconds, the only thing left was a smoldering crater. The pegasus gasped loudly. “Oh no! How could that trick go so wrong?” she said robotically.
“Fear not!” Trixie shouted from the other side of the audience as she ran back to the pegasus. “A true magician never dies!”
She raised her hooves for applause. Instead the only response she got was a teenage pony looking up from his stone tablet, exaggeratedly rolling his eyes, then looking down again.
Trixie growled. “What’s with you ponies?! This is good stuff here! Things nopony has ever seen!”
Fluttershy put her hooves together. “Oh, of course! While this is fantastical for you and me, the caveponies would have seen these animals act like this the entire time!”
The sloth grumbled.
“Apparently she does this every weekend,” Fluttershy added, scrunching her snout.
Trixie glared at the sloth. “You could have told us that from the start, dino-brain!” She stepped away to look around.
Fluttershy touched the sloth’s front leg. “She doesn’t mean that.”
“OK, what have we got?” Trixie said, darting around. “A couple twigs? I could do a card trick with those, right?”
Lifting several with her magic, Trixie walked up to a stallion who was in the middle of a raucous conversation. “Excuse me, sir!” she said. “Pick a stick, any stick!”
The cavepony briefly turned to Trixie before turning back to the others with him. Then he quickly turned back to Trixie with wide eyes and stood up, making a raspy gasp. “Pony use magic!”
The entire celebration went silent then suddenly erupted into a frenzy of screams. Food spilled onto the ground. Manes were pulled in despair. Ponies were knocked over as everyone galloped away. Foals cried as they held stuffed animals.
All in all, the caveponies were frightened and demoralized.
In a short order, the entire settlement was abandoned. All except for Trixie, Fluttershy, the sloth, and Maud Pie, who stood alone among the civilization’s ruins.
“Oh good, you saved me,” Maud said plainly.
Trixie haughtily chuckled as she walked to the earth pony. “Well well well, looks like our plan worked.”
Fluttershy looked around with a frown. “It could have gone better, I think.”
The three mares and the sloth walked out of the settlement, finding that even the guards had abandoned their posts. Trixie put her front leg around Maud’s back. “So how did they treat you, Maud? Were you going to be sacrificed?”
“No.”
“Oh, were they worshiping you as a god, then?”
Maud shook her head. “No. They just gave me a house for free, told me about their free healthcare and basic income system, and recommended I visit their job search office where I’ll be able to easily find a job with a 20-hour work week that isn’t even necessary for me to live a comfortable life.”
Trixie blinked. “Oh.”
Fluttershy smiled uneasily. “Sounds like it was a nice place, then.”
“Seems like it,” Maud agreed.
They continued walking in silence.
Suddenly, there was a loud bang and the earth shook. They turned back and saw the mountain the cavepony settlement was at the base of explode in ash, with glowing orange lava briefly visible underneath it. The ponies frantically galloped away, the sloth veering away to join its herd. Once they felt they were far enough away, they stopped and looked back.
Lava oozed down the top of what was now obviously a volcano, and it seemed like it would avoid the settlement. However, that wasn't the case for the ash, which overtook the settlement and buried it.
“Oh dear,” said Fluttershy.
“Well that’s good!” Trixie said. “Thanks to us, the caveponies left before the volcano erupted!”
Maud nodded. “And now the village has been frozen in time, for future historians to uncover.”
Trixie gasped. “Volcanoes can do that? Maybe that’s how we get back to our time!”
“I’ve dreamed of getting coated in volcanic ash, but it would be quite fatal,” Maud said.
“Probably not, then,” Trixie conceded. “I guess we’ll have to stick to the janky method we’ve been using.”
Fluttershy pulled Trixie and Maud into a hug. “With you two, I’m sure we’ll make it.”
Face unchanging, Maud added, "Also, those weren't caveponies. They lived in outdoor brick homes. I don't understand why you're even calling them that."
Choosing to ignore Maud's comment, the three mares continued their journey through the moonlit fields of prehistoric Equestria.
Author's Note
This somehow evolved out of my attempts at a May Pairings fic.
