I quietly groaned as i placed the top of my hands behind my head and glanced over at Bon Bon sleeping in my bed. We were having one of our weekly sleepovers. Sunset, Octavia, Derpy and Vinyl were asleep in the other two rooms to give us our privacy. They didn’t have to do that but we appreciated it.
I couldn’t sleep though. Too much thoughts going on in my head. I always had a bunch of weird thoughts that I never shared with anyone. Sunset proved my theory about unicorns and other creatures being real sure but the other stuff was more depressing I suppose. I always thought about how I would die. Preferably in a not so painful way. I’d prefer to go out in my sleep. Then again, everyone wishes for that.
I also think about who is going to die first out of my friend group. Hopefully I’m not the last. That way I don’t be alone till I die. I hide it well but I’m afraid of being alone. It’s my biggest fear. It’s why I hated my parents being on their music tours all the time. And why I always had friends over sleeping at the house. I never told them the true reason of course. With a sigh, I swung my legs out of the bed and stood up.
I typically sleep in just my underwear and bra when Bon Bon is here but not when the others are around. For the obvious reasons. Bon Bon slept in one of my shirts and her pajama pants. I couldn’t sleep so a glass of water might help. Hopefully of course. I quietly slipped out of the room and got down a glass, filling it with water and downing it.
With a sigh, I laid my palms on the counter and sighed, dropping my head down. Being unable to sleep like the worst feeling. Well, maybe not the worst. I imagine being stabbed is pretty bad.
“Lyra? What are you doing?” I lifted my head slightly and glanced behind me. Bon Bon was standing behind me and rubbing her eyes. “It’s like three am.”
“Can’t sleep. I didn’t mean to wake you. You can go back to bed.” Bon Bon rolled her eyes and sighed.
“Not without you. Come on and come back to bed please. We can talk there,” Bon Bon grabbed my hand and stumbled to the doorway.
“Fine,” I sighed as I allowed her to pull me along to the bedroom. Typically I’d be eager to get dragged by her like this to the bed. She nudged the door open with her foot and pulled me inside, closing it behind us.
“What are you thinking about?” Bon Bon mumbled as we laid back in bed. I immediately placed my hands behind my head again and sighed.
“I’m not thinking about anything,” I lied. Bon Bon groaned and rolled over to face me.
“I can tell you are. You get a look on your face. Why don’t you trust me Lyra? We’ve been together for almost five years now.”
“What the hell are you talking about Bonnie? I trust you with my life. Why would you said I don’t?” I demanded.
“You rarely tell me what you’re thinking about. You get randomly distant some nights. What is going on inside that head of yours?” Bon Bon replied as she looked away. “Am I not good enough anymore?”
“No! That’s not it at all. You just won’t understand. It’s complicated,” I quickly kissd her on the forehead. “You are more than enough.”
“Then what is going on?” She stared at me as I rolled onto my side.
“I’m gonna die one day. We’re all gonna die really. That terrifies me. I don’t want to be alone. What if I die before you? You’ll be alone till you die. Or what if you die before me? Then I’ll be the one who’s alone. I hate that idea. It scares me. Being alone is terrifying. Why do you think I don’t care much for my parents? They’re rarely here. It’s just me and their large house. I think about the most random shit all the time. It always is when I’m trying to sleep. Typically I play the lyre but the house is occupied right now,” I admitted. “It’s complicated.” Bon Bon listened quietly as I finished my speech.
“How often do you think about death?” She asked in her soft voice that I adored.
“Often. I’m not suicidal if that’s what you’re thinking of. Just something I worry about ya know?”
“No not really. I try to avoid thinking about death. How do you imagine you’ll go out?” She asked me. I let out a long sigh.
“I’d prefer to go out in my sleep surrounded by my friends and you if I go first. No pain and all that for me. But people are rarely that lucky. Most die in some painful. Ya know, heart attacks or getting murdered. Hell, old people die from just falling down four steps. It’s insane how weak our bodies are.”
“I’d like to go out quietly. Not a big funeral or anything like that. A small event. I haven’t decided if I want to be buried or cremated,” Bon Bon replied. “What about you?”
“At first I wanted to be buried,” I admitted. “But now I think I want to be cremated. Strictly for the purpose for when we both die and if Sunset ever goes back to Equestria, she can keep my ashes. Equestrians sometimes live long lives so if she ever outlived us all, I’d want her taking care of my ashes. Seems like something she would be honored to do if I asked.”
“And how do you know she won’t use some spell to make her life shorter so she can die with us? In all honesty, she’s most likely going to die around the time we all do. She has no plans on going back permanently to live there. She calls us her family, remember?” Bon Bon pointed out. “We are still young and in high school, Lyra. We have a lot of years left together till we die. Don’t worry about the future and just worry about now. Whatever happens happens. I don’t care as long as it’s with you.”
“You’re right. It’s stupid of me,” I sighed as she cupped my cheek.
“Worrying is not stupid. How often do you have these random thoughts?” She chided.
“All the time,” I chuckled.
“Well quit keeping them to yourself. Come find me. We sleep in the same bed almost every night because I’m always here or you’re at my house. I want to hear them all.”
“Are you sure? Some of it is pretty random and weird.” Bon Bon gave me a flat look.
“I’ve known your since freshman year. I don’t think you could possibly get any weirder than you already are. And yes I’m sure. It’s what partners do for each other,” she answered before kissing me. “Now hold me. I’m cold and wanna go to sleep.” I gave a chuckle as she rolled over to face away as I raised my arm. She quickly slid back, pressing her back against my chest as I wrapped an arm around her.
“Good night Bons. I love you,” I muttered into her hair as I felt sleep start to take me. Guess talking helped more than the water did.
“Love ya too Lyra.”
