Sides of Shadowsby AmeliathefatcatChaptersScarsStepfamilyShotsStrugglesSummer ProgramScarsAuthor's Note A/N: In my AU all of the characters have normal skin tones and hair colors unless they have dyed it. See my Instagram to see how they look Indigo: Japanese-American Sunny: Mixed Afro Latina/white Sugarcoat: German and has Albinism Lemon: Ashkenazi Jewish Sour: Argentian Scars I opened the gift my favorite sister-in-law gave to me. I might not have a favorite brother, I’m not allowed to, but I do have a favorite sister-in-law. “Sunny Bunny, congrats on representing CPA for the Friendship Games. I got you something special you can wear on the family vacation this summer love Berry Crisp” I read the letter. I open the box and saw a beautiful bikini. Perfect for the cruise we’re going on this summer. Berry Crisp second best style in the family. I obviously had the best. I took off my dress to try it on. It fit me beautifully, showing off my beautiful curves. It was more Risqué then Papi wound prefer, he needs to understand I’m no longer a child, I’m seventeen. I stared at myself in the mirror. I loved how the top looked on me. I loved how it showed off my well toned body. Then I looked at the bottoms. It didn’t cover my scar. I kept staring at it, I tried not to cry. I hated my scar, papi and mom tell me that scar makes me beautiful, but they don’t have to deal with girls staring during gym. Freak Diseased Disgusting Disfigured Fleur and Suri’s words still hurt all of these years later. Yes it was middle school, but I swear they still muffle stuff under their breaths. Papi and mom keep telling me not to listen to them, Auntie Abacus tells me my grades are much then theirs so I doesn’t matter what they think. But it does, Fleur and Suri are some of the most popular girls in the grade. Yes I’m popular but not nearly as popular as them. At the end of the day I’m the principal’s niece and people don’t want to get my on bad side. “Hey Sunny, can I come in?” Berry Crisp asked knocking on my door. “Yes,” I whispered still staring at myself. My sister-in-law walked into my room. She smiled at me as she sat on my bed. “You look very beautiful. Sunny what’s wrong?” She asked seeing the look on my face. “Stupid scar,” I muffled sitting next to Berry. “The bikini is beautiful but it shows off my scar. My scar makes me feel ugly,” I whispered. “Your scar is a sign of your strength,” Berry told me kissing my forehead. Everyone tells me that, being strong doesn’t make the scar any less ugly. “This is the problem with supermodels, they give girls unrealistic expectations about their bodies.” “It’s not that,” I yelled cutting her off. Yes I’m jealous supermodels but it’s not just that. My scar brings up all those memories, it’s a constant reminder of what I went through. Constantly reminding me that I’m not normal. Constantly reminding me that my body failed me when I was only seven years old. It always reminds me that my stupid kidneys decided one day to stop working. “Sunny?” Berry asked. I started to cry into her side. I hate crying, crying shows weakness and I’m not weak. Berry rubbed my back and stated to sing me a lullaby. Lullaby she sings to my little niece and nephew. For some reason the lullaby made me feel even worse. I cried harder, my make up started to run down my face. “Sunny? It’s ok,” she whispered. “NO ITS NOT, you don’t get it. No one gets it. No one in this family gets it,” I yelled and immediately regretted it. Yes I’m the only in the family to be on kidney dialysis and need a transplant. But Berry was the one to donate a kidney to me. “I’m sorry,” I whimpered apologizing to her. “It’s ok, you been through so much,” Berry whispered rubbing my back and kissing the top of my head. “You saved my life, I shouldn’t have yelled at you,” I apologized again wiping my face. I’m forever grateful for Berry Crisp, she gave me my the gift of the life. “Ray called me crazy when I told him I wanted to donate my kidney to you before we even met. We were only dating for a couple years,” Berry whispered. It was true my third oldest brother Ray Shine had only been dating for less than two years when he brought her over for Christmas. I remember vividly sitting on the recliner on dialysis. Papi bringing my dialysis machine down stairs so I could still be with everyone. I remember the dress Berry was wearing when she told me she was a possible match and after graduation she would love to donate her kidney to me. That was the best Christmas ever. Two Christmases later I had a new kidney and Ray and Berry were engaged. “I still remember the dress you were wearing that Christmas, despite how sick I was I remember everything about that Christmas,” I whimpered like a small child. “Would you believe me if I say that dress still fits? My body has changed a lot since I was in college but that dress still fits. Hopefully it will still fit by the time you get married and I’ll wear it to your wedding,” Berry joked. “If my brothers ever let me get married,” I laughed. “Sunny, scars tell a story you should be proud of them. It might come in time but you will be proud.” I rolled my eyes at Berry and looked at my scar. Berry pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head. “I understand, go and get dress. Your father is taking the family out for dinner,” Berry smiled leaving my room. I starred at myself in the bikini one last time and smiled at myself. Even with my scar I looked gorgeous. A/N: So Sunny suffered from kidney disease. When she was seven her kidneys suddenly failed nearly killing her. She was on dialysis for several years and got a kidney transplant around the age of 11-12. She is also the youngest of 9 kids and is the only girl StepfamilyI was working out in the garage that I turned into a home gym. I had to be fit, had to win the Friendship Games. “Ninety-four,ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven, ninety-eig.” “Indigo, can you drive me to the mall?” Aurora Dust yelled opening the door to the kitchen. I lost my push up and feel on my face. “Shit, Aurora, what did I tell you about interrupting my work outs?” I yelled at my stepsister. Aurora rolled her eyes at me. “Don’t do it,” she huffed throwing a towel at me. I got up and wiped the sweat from my forehead. “What do you want from the mall anyways?” I asked annoyed. “To hang out with my friends,” she replied rolling her eyes again. “Which friends? I know for a fact Lime Peel isn’t going to be there,” I asked. Lime Peel, Aurora’s best friend and the annoying little sister of my beautiful girlfriend, Lemon Zest. “I have other friends, I know Lime is grounded and had to go with her mom for Lemon’s allergy shots. Just drive me to the mall. It’s my church friends by the way,” Aurora huffed. “I’ll buy you pre work out or something.” “Ok, but someone else needs to drive you home. Isn’t Flash working today and his job is at the mall? So after his shift he can drive you home?” I asked. “I guess so.” ~~~~ I took a quick shower and got changed into my everyday clothes. I pulled on my dad’s flight jacket and put on my Sofu’s dog tags. I walked outside to my car where Aurora was waiting for me. I pulled out of the driveway and started driving to the mall. At a red light I turned the radio station. On the dash was my bumper stickers MY AIR FORCE BUMPER STICKERS. Why were my bumper stickers in my car not on it. “Aurora. What hell did you do?” I yelled. “Making your car not look like the red neck moible,” she rolled her eyes at me. “AURORA, my car is not the red neck moible,” I yelled. “It kinda is with those Army bumper stickers,“ she smirked. “Air Force, I come from an Air Force family. It’s not a red neck thing to support our troops,” I yelled as cars started honking. “The lights green. Air Force, Army, what’s the difference?” She asked rolling her eyes. “There is a difference, be lucky I’m not leaving you on the side of the road,” I yelled again. I was so furious at Aurora. She’s so obnoxious, and I hate her so much. I wanted to leave her on the side of the road so much but I would be super grounded if I did. Aurora has no claim to my car, her father, my stepfather didn’t spend any money on it, neither did mom. My car was gift from my uncles (dad’s buddies) and my Sofu. My car is beautifully restored 1986 Toyota Land Cruiser, my dad’s first car was also 1986 Toyota Land Cruiser. Although my car wasn’t my dad’s exact car it made me feel close to him. “I’m your only ride most of the time. You have to respect me or at least respect my car,” I huffed paying attention to the road. “Comet is at college and his Jeep got totaled back in December, so he can’t drive you around. Flash lives on the other side of town, unless you want to wait for him you need to respect your driver,” I told my stepsister. The way my stepbrother’s Jeep got totaled was kinda funny. He was at a Christmas party with his friends and his car was parked on the side on the road. His Jeep was hit my an out of control mail truck. No one was hurt so it makes everything super funny. Well it’s funny to me and Flash, well until we were told we have to drive Comet around since he’s not getting a new car until the lawsuit pays out. Whatever I just want to drop Aurora off and not have to deal with her for a few hours. “Here, bitch,” I said pulling into a parking spot. Aurora got out of my car and walked into the mall. I got out to put my stickers back on it. “Yo, Zap.” I turned around to see Vinyl Scratch. Another military brat. They’re dad is a high rank military officer and I believe he is semi retired now. “Hey Scratch, I hate my stepsister, she removed my Air Force stickers, again,” I complained. “That bitch, she ruined my proud daughter of a fallen soldier sticker. Ugh,” I yelled trying not to cry. I don’t cry (ok rarely cry) because crying is a sign of weakness. My therapist says I should cry and it’s not healthy to hold in my emotions and blah blah blah. ~~~~ “Hey Indy, are you ok?” I rolled down my car window to see my step cousin standing there holding a kids meal. I got out of my car and sat on the hood motioning for Flash to sit next to me. “No, I hate Aurora, she ruined my proud daughter of a fallen soldier bumper sticker. She’s such a bitch all the time,” I said as Flash handed me the kids meal. “She’s in middle school, at least she didn’t spill a cherry slush in your backseat.” “I don’t let anyone eat in my car, thanks for the kids meal I really needed it,” I told Flash opening up the box. Chicken nuggets, chocolate milk, Apple slices, and French fries, the same meal my dad use to buy me when I was little. Before his accident, before he became a flag. “My bumper stickers is the way I honor my dad. Aurora doesn’t understand what is like to lose a parent. Yes her parents went through a nasty divorce but at least her mother is alive. I was six when he died and I don’t have a lot of memories of him. Awesome extra nuggets and sweet chili lime sauce and smoky BBQ sauce, thanks again cool loser. I wish I got more time with him, according to his buddies I’m just like him. I feel like mom doesn’t really miss him as much as I do. Sofu misses him, he has a shrine to dad in his room at the retirement home. His buddies miss him a lot, especially the ones who were with him when the accident happened. I think I’m missing dad even more now since you know the friendship games and he won’t see me win,” I cried opening the dipping sauces. “How do you know Crystal Prep is gonna win?” Flash asked, he must be joking CPA always wins CHS always loses. He playful punched his arm and started to eat my chicken nuggets. “Any big thing in my life I miss dad a lot. When I went to the regional basketball tournament and everyone but Lemon got food poisoning, or when I graduated from Japanese school, and he will won’t see me off the Air Force academy after I graduated from CPA,” I cried again. Flash pulled me into a side hug. “It’s ok, Indy,” he whispered rubbing my back. “Emotions are high and you probably won’t want to talk to a wondercolt like me. But everything is ok. I’ll text Uncle Thunder and Aunt Lotus about what Aurora did,” Flash said checking his phone. “Gotta go, I’m break’s over soon,” Flash said getting off the hood and walking into the mall. I finished my kids meal and drove back home. ~~~~ “Indigo, can I come in?” Thunder Spirit asked knocking on my door. “Come in,” I told my stepfather. He walked into my room and went over to my bed. “I talked to Aurora about what happened today. She should have respected your property but you can’t threaten to leave a child on the side of the road,” he said. “I didn’t. She doesn’t understand how important Air Force stuff is to me, how it connects it to my actual dad,” I whispered pulling a blanket over my head. “Your mother and I had a talk with her about respecting people’s cars. She’s has to pay you back for the bumper sticker and Flash back cleaning and stain remover and grounded until she does.” “Whatever, when is she staying at her mothers appointment? Why can’t see just live there?” I asked. “Indigo, my ex-wife is barely able to take care of herself. It’s best for Aurora to stay with me,” Thunder sternly said. “I hate her, I hate Comet, I hate you, I hate everyone,” I yelled. “Indy don’t tell your stepfather you hate him,” mom yelled from down stairs. “I hate you too, I hate this family, the only one I love is dad,” I yelled again. “Indigo Zap, I know you don’t mean that. Thunder, sweetie, come downstairs and help me set the table. Indy needs calm down,” Mom called from downstairs. Thunder left my room. Mom was right, I didn’t really mean what I yelled, I do hate Aurora but I don’t really hate Comet or Thunder. Ugh, I’m probably starting my period soon so hormones are making my emotions worst. I got out of bed and walked over the dad’s flag hanging on bedroom wall. I remember dad’s funeral, I remember mom and I being present the flag on casket. I was too young to understand to truly understand what happened to my dad. I believe that he had become the flag. Mom let me hang up dad’s flag in my room. “I miss you daddy,” I whispered. I took a few deep breaths and walk went downstairs for dinner Author's Note A/N So Indigo and Flash are step cousins and Flash is the only member of her step family Indy actually likes. Indigo father died in an Air Force accident when she was little and misses him very much and wants to be in Air Force like him ShotsTo say that I hate getting my allergy shots wound be an understatement. My brain goes numb and I’m usually knocked out for the day. I starred out of the window as mom drove to the allergy clinic . Blasting awesome beats through my headphones. “It's peanut butter jelly time, Peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time.” I pulled off of my headphones and turned around to see my sister holding my phone. “What the, Lime. How did you get my phone?” I asked reaching to the back seat to take my phone back. Lime crossed her arms and huffed. “I’m not the one who’ll die if she touches a peanut why am I here?” Lime asked. “Girls don’t fight, Lime you are grounded that’s why you are here. Plus we need someone to watch Lemon on the ride home in case something she goes happens,” Mom said. “Lem’s a drunk toddler when she gets her shots. Last time she got her shots she puked on me on the way home.” “At least you can eat any food you want without dying,” I said putting my headphones on. I hate how severe my allergies are, I’ve gotten mild reactions from hair products and my girlfriend kissing me after eating trail mix. I can’t even touch peanuts or tree nuts without breaking out in hives. My allergy shots are suppose to prevent me from anaphylactic shock in the long run or something like that. I don’t know how it works but if it means I don’t end up in the ER because I touched an almond I’m good. I have not need to use my epipen at all this school year and I’m so happy about that. The last time I had a reaction was a few weeks ago. Indigo gave me a kiss on the cheek before she headed to her physics class and I headed to algebra 2. I thought I was just nervous for my test and blushing because Indy kissed me but no I was having a reaction. Sunny took one look at my face and took me to school nurse. I puked on Sunny’s shoes before we got to the nurse’s office. The nurse gave me Benadryl and called my mom to pick me up. I got to stay home the next day and spend it with my dad playing video games. I got a three day weekend out of it and more time to study for my math test. Indy came over with my favorite candies apologizing for giving me an reaction. “Lemon, sweetie, what do you want from the deli?” Mom asked as we pulled into the clinic parking lot. “ Pastrami and hard salami,” I said turning off my music. The one good part of getting my shots is that there is a kosher deli fifteen minutes from the clinic. So days I have my shots we have deli sandwiches for dinner. ~~~ I took a seat in the waiting room after mom checked me in. It would be a long wait, so I just continue to listen to my music. I’ve been seeing my allergist since I was a toddler. Going to the allergy clinic four times a year for the last Fourteen years or so, yeah my sister is fourteen and my first appointment was when she was in mom’s stomach. Fourteen times four plus two equals, hmm give me a sec. Fifty eight times, roughly. I used my phone’s calculator to see how many times I’ve been here. I also thought about how scary some of my reactions have been, although not one of my most serious ones my scariest one happened when I was about six. I was at Sunny’s house and we were playing hair salon and Sunny used some of her hair product in hair. It must of have some nut oil or something my scalp was inflamed and super itchy. Being so young we didn’t know what was happening. I didn’t go into shock but it was still scariest reaction I had. Maybe because I don’t remember the times I go into shock. My worst reaction happened when I was nine, all I remember is eating a candy bar at Hebrew school then waking up in the PICU. Apparently the candy bar was ‘might contain trace levels of peanuts and tree nuts’ and I didn’t know that before eating it. I went into shock right away and my epipen was in the other room. I nearly died that day at Hebrew school. ~~~~ “Lemon Zest for Doctor Sniffles,” a nurse called snapping me out of my day dream. I turned off my music and followed her to Doctor Sniffles office. She took my weight, my height, my blood pressure, heart rate, pulse, temperature all of that doctor office stuff. She asked a lot of questions to make sure I’m good for my shots. When she asked if I could be pregnant I wanted to say I’m a lesbian but mom gave me a look and I just said no. The nurse left and said Doctor Sniffles would be I shortly. More waiting. Waiting, waiting, waiting. “How are you doing Lemon Zest?” Doctor Sniffles asked as he entered the room. “Good,” I replied. “How’s school going for you?” He asked. “Good, I’m gonna compete in the Friendship Games in two weeks,” I replied. More small talk later, Doctor Sniffles did a quick physical and put the blood pressure cuff and pulse ox on me. Shot time. I was starting to freak out, I hate these shots so much. Doctor Sniffles filled the three syringes with the medicine. I closed my eyes as Doctor Sniffles gave me the three shots. “Ouch,” I whispered after the last shot. “Very good, just need to wait for fifteen minutes to make sure there are no ill effects then you can go home,” Doctor Sniffles said. Every thing started to feel woozy and wonky. Ok the bad feeling was setting in. Fifteen minutes later mom helped me into the car and buckled me in. As soon as we started to drive I fell asleep. ~~~~ “Lemon, sweetie, we are home it’s time to wake up, we are home,” Mom whispered waking me up. I was very groggy as mom helped me out of the car and into our house. As soon as I got to my bedroom I passed out again. I spent the rest of the day sleeping. I didn’t even come downstairs for dinner because I was sleeping. I woke up in the middle of the night ate something before going back asleep in my room. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be able do to stuff and not sleep all day. StrugglesTwo hundred days self harm free, I’m two hundred days self harm free. The cocktail of drugs are finally working, working without turning me into a flipping zombie. I’ve gotten so much better since I moved in with my aunt and uncle last year. But I could always slip and fall. Slip and fall back into the psych ward. If I end up in the loony bin or jail one more time my grandparents are gonna disown me and I’ll lose my inheritance. “Hey, Evita,” I whispered as my psychiatric service dog put her head on my lap. She gave me a nuzzle and it calm me down. My doctors’ recommend getting her after my second suicide attempt. When I was still living with my parents, Evita calm me down. That mutt saved my life. Last year I was so close to ending it all, and for real. But Evita took the knife from me and called 9–1-1. I don’t deserve her, she deserves a better owner than me. Evita jumped onto my bed and started to give me kisses. Covering me with puppy slobber. I saw a text from my Aunt Honeycomb. I had chores to get done. Keeping busy keeps the voices at bay. It also helps with my mood swings apparently. I looked at Aunt Honeycomb’s list. Better get on it, if I don’t I might be kicked out. I got dress, grabbed my bag and put Evita’s vest on and got ready to leave. I took the bus to store, I’m not allowed to drive. I’m deemed too ‘mentally unstable to drive’. I guess there is a fear that the voices or hallucinations will cause me to get into an accident. If I drive I’m a threat to myself and others. First I went to the pharmacy and picked up my prescriptions. I put the meds in my bag and walked the blocks to the store. I walked into the store and looked at the shopping list. As I walked though the store, I started to feel the word close in on me. You are useless You don’t deserve to be in the Friendship Games Yes you do, you are very competitive Cinch only picked you for diversity points “Sour, Sour, are you ok?” I was on the dirty floor and saw Sunny Flare kneeling by me. “Sour, are you ok?” Sunny asked again. “Sour, let’s go to the back room,” Sunny whispered as I put my arms around her shoulder. How could she take me to the back room? Probably one of her million family members work her or something. I sat down on an old sofa and Sunny handed me a soda. I took a sip and my brain started to calm down. “W-W-haat happened?” I asked like an idiot. I knew what happened, the voices happened. “Evita ran up to me, I followed her and I saw you having a break down by the cookies. Are you feeling better?” Sunny asked. I didn’t respond. “No, no juegues con la perrita, está trabajando,” Sunny said turning her head to a small child trying to play with Evita. Sunny was with one of her nieces when Evita got her. “Want me to drive you home?” Sunny asked. All I could do was nodded my head yes. Sunny left briefly to buy her groceries and mine as well. “Crumble, Tía Sunny needs to talk to her friend, can you listen to your music?” Sunny asked her niece as she buckled the kid into her car seat. “Ok,” the little girl said. Evita sat in backseat next to Crumble. I looked at my hands in my lap. I played with my green bracelet, it was for mental health awareness. “Thanks Sunny,” I managed to muffled not looking up. “No problema.“ I kept quiet and when we got to a red light, Sunny gave me a smile. “How old is Crumble?” I asked. Why was I asking how old that brat was? “Crumble is four, she is Ray and Berry’s daughter. They are visiting since both of them are off of work for the week,” Sunny replied. I looked at the backseat, the child on her tablet, singing some Spanish kids song, my mutt sitting on the seat next to her. My cousin was going to have a kid soon and I wonder if I’ll be allowed around it. If I’m not allowed around the child will I be allowed to live with my uncle and aunt. If I moved back in with my parents will either end up dead, in the psych ward or jail. “How many nieces and nephews do you have?” I asked “Nine with two on the way,” Sunny replied. Of cause Sunny had a lot of bratty nieces and nephews she’s the youngest of nine flipping kids. I’m the middle of five and I haven’t talked to my older siblings since my first trip to the psych ward. “I can’t wait to have a family of my own someday, have a beautiful spouse and beautiful children. I’m not able to get.” “Shut up Sunny why would you want to ruin your body even more to have a little brat,” I yelled. I am not the matinal type and don’t understand why any sane women would want to go through that. I don’t understand why my cousin spent a shit ton of money to have a baby with her wife. “I don’t get it, why would women have multiple children to help save her failing marriage but care for middle ones issues. Try to hide the mentally unstable one and cover up her suicide attempts because what if HOA finds out?” “Sour, calm down you are spieling. I’m pulling over, you need to calm down. Sour Sweet.” Everything went black. I felt my heart rate rise and dizzy. One of the side effects of my psychotic medication was issues with my heart rate, blood pressure. I don’t really know what hell it affects but it makes me faint. I really hope Sunny didn’t call an ambulance because it would lead to more problems. “Sour, baby, it’s ok, you are going to be ok.” I open my eyes to see I was in hospital with my aunt by my side. “Aunt Honeycomb where am I?” I asked stupidly, I was in the ER. “Baby, you fainted, over the summer your doctors are going to trailer different medicines. Current medicines are putting too much of a strain on your heart,” Aunt Honeycomb said brushing my hair. Great more drug changes this can only end so well. After finally finding meds that work for my brain it has to be changed because it doesn’t work for my body. I just wish I could be normal and not have to deal with all of these medications. Author's Note Last chapter, it’s not the best but I’m on a trip and really busy and I just want to get this done with Summer ProgramI refreshed my email again. Still nothing. I looked at my calendar and then at my clock. I have to hear back soon. I have to have gotten in, I need to get in. Then the wifi dropped. “Shit,” I muffled. “Data what did you do?” I yelled. “Suggie, I’ll get the wifi back,” my kid sister yelled from her room. I walk down the hall to her room. My little sister was a child genius like her big sister and brothers, unfortunately she’s a hacker. In my sister’s pink princess bedroom she sat at Autumn’s old Mac that he gave to her when he left for Pen State last year. “What did you do?” I asked again. Data didn’t look up and continued to work on her program software. “I had to cut the wifi to test out this code. I can now control the whole house from my desk,” Data said. I rolled my eyes. “I need the wifi to check my email about my summer program. You don’t understand how important this is to my education. This will help my chances of getting into Cornell,” I told my sister. “Why do you want to go to Carvel?” Data asked. “Cornell not Carvel, C-O—R-N-E-L-L not C-A-R-V-E-L, the same school mom went to. Did you just hack my email? What did mom and dad tell you about hacking our emails?” I asked Data. This child truly scares me sometimes. Autumn, Rain and I have VPNs to stop her from hacking us all of the time. Somehow this seven year old has managed to hack three VPNs. “I didn’t hack you, I remember your password,” Data said. Great I have to change my password, again. I saw three new emails, two of them were junk emails, and the third one from the summer program. I pushed Data out of away and opened the email. “Dear Sugarcoat, congratulations you have been accepted” I quickly read the first line. Then I read the rest of the email. I got in, I got in. I even got a small scholarship. I printed out the email and logged out of my email on Data’s Mac. I read the email again, I wasn’t allowed to talk about it on social media. I’m not an idiot that posts everything to social media. I won’t lose this opportunity because I had to brag on social media. I pinned the email to my bulletin board above my desk. I starred at my bulletin board and what I had hanging there. Photos from Autumn and Rain’s graduations, from when Rain and I won the Science Olympiad event last year, many of my awards I have one, now front and center my email for my summer program. When I get into Cornel next year my acceptance letter wound be front and center Author's Note Quick chapter this time, that’s all
ScarsAuthor's Note A/N: In my AU all of the characters have normal skin tones and hair colors unless they have dyed it. See my Instagram to see how they look Indigo: Japanese-American Sunny: Mixed Afro Latina/white Sugarcoat: German and has Albinism Lemon: Ashkenazi Jewish Sour: Argentian Scars I opened the gift my favorite sister-in-law gave to me. I might not have a favorite brother, I’m not allowed to, but I do have a favorite sister-in-law. “Sunny Bunny, congrats on representing CPA for the Friendship Games. I got you something special you can wear on the family vacation this summer love Berry Crisp” I read the letter. I open the box and saw a beautiful bikini. Perfect for the cruise we’re going on this summer. Berry Crisp second best style in the family. I obviously had the best. I took off my dress to try it on. It fit me beautifully, showing off my beautiful curves. It was more Risqué then Papi wound prefer, he needs to understand I’m no longer a child, I’m seventeen. I stared at myself in the mirror. I loved how the top looked on me. I loved how it showed off my well toned body. Then I looked at the bottoms. It didn’t cover my scar. I kept staring at it, I tried not to cry. I hated my scar, papi and mom tell me that scar makes me beautiful, but they don’t have to deal with girls staring during gym. Freak Diseased Disgusting Disfigured Fleur and Suri’s words still hurt all of these years later. Yes it was middle school, but I swear they still muffle stuff under their breaths. Papi and mom keep telling me not to listen to them, Auntie Abacus tells me my grades are much then theirs so I doesn’t matter what they think. But it does, Fleur and Suri are some of the most popular girls in the grade. Yes I’m popular but not nearly as popular as them. At the end of the day I’m the principal’s niece and people don’t want to get my on bad side. “Hey Sunny, can I come in?” Berry Crisp asked knocking on my door. “Yes,” I whispered still staring at myself. My sister-in-law walked into my room. She smiled at me as she sat on my bed. “You look very beautiful. Sunny what’s wrong?” She asked seeing the look on my face. “Stupid scar,” I muffled sitting next to Berry. “The bikini is beautiful but it shows off my scar. My scar makes me feel ugly,” I whispered. “Your scar is a sign of your strength,” Berry told me kissing my forehead. Everyone tells me that, being strong doesn’t make the scar any less ugly. “This is the problem with supermodels, they give girls unrealistic expectations about their bodies.” “It’s not that,” I yelled cutting her off. Yes I’m jealous supermodels but it’s not just that. My scar brings up all those memories, it’s a constant reminder of what I went through. Constantly reminding me that I’m not normal. Constantly reminding me that my body failed me when I was only seven years old. It always reminds me that my stupid kidneys decided one day to stop working. “Sunny?” Berry asked. I started to cry into her side. I hate crying, crying shows weakness and I’m not weak. Berry rubbed my back and stated to sing me a lullaby. Lullaby she sings to my little niece and nephew. For some reason the lullaby made me feel even worse. I cried harder, my make up started to run down my face. “Sunny? It’s ok,” she whispered. “NO ITS NOT, you don’t get it. No one gets it. No one in this family gets it,” I yelled and immediately regretted it. Yes I’m the only in the family to be on kidney dialysis and need a transplant. But Berry was the one to donate a kidney to me. “I’m sorry,” I whimpered apologizing to her. “It’s ok, you been through so much,” Berry whispered rubbing my back and kissing the top of my head. “You saved my life, I shouldn’t have yelled at you,” I apologized again wiping my face. I’m forever grateful for Berry Crisp, she gave me my the gift of the life. “Ray called me crazy when I told him I wanted to donate my kidney to you before we even met. We were only dating for a couple years,” Berry whispered. It was true my third oldest brother Ray Shine had only been dating for less than two years when he brought her over for Christmas. I remember vividly sitting on the recliner on dialysis. Papi bringing my dialysis machine down stairs so I could still be with everyone. I remember the dress Berry was wearing when she told me she was a possible match and after graduation she would love to donate her kidney to me. That was the best Christmas ever. Two Christmases later I had a new kidney and Ray and Berry were engaged. “I still remember the dress you were wearing that Christmas, despite how sick I was I remember everything about that Christmas,” I whimpered like a small child. “Would you believe me if I say that dress still fits? My body has changed a lot since I was in college but that dress still fits. Hopefully it will still fit by the time you get married and I’ll wear it to your wedding,” Berry joked. “If my brothers ever let me get married,” I laughed. “Sunny, scars tell a story you should be proud of them. It might come in time but you will be proud.” I rolled my eyes at Berry and looked at my scar. Berry pulled me into a hug and kissed the top of my head. “I understand, go and get dress. Your father is taking the family out for dinner,” Berry smiled leaving my room. I starred at myself in the bikini one last time and smiled at myself. Even with my scar I looked gorgeous. A/N: So Sunny suffered from kidney disease. When she was seven her kidneys suddenly failed nearly killing her. She was on dialysis for several years and got a kidney transplant around the age of 11-12. She is also the youngest of 9 kids and is the only girl
StepfamilyI was working out in the garage that I turned into a home gym. I had to be fit, had to win the Friendship Games. “Ninety-four,ninety-five, ninety-six, ninety-seven, ninety-eig.” “Indigo, can you drive me to the mall?” Aurora Dust yelled opening the door to the kitchen. I lost my push up and feel on my face. “Shit, Aurora, what did I tell you about interrupting my work outs?” I yelled at my stepsister. Aurora rolled her eyes at me. “Don’t do it,” she huffed throwing a towel at me. I got up and wiped the sweat from my forehead. “What do you want from the mall anyways?” I asked annoyed. “To hang out with my friends,” she replied rolling her eyes again. “Which friends? I know for a fact Lime Peel isn’t going to be there,” I asked. Lime Peel, Aurora’s best friend and the annoying little sister of my beautiful girlfriend, Lemon Zest. “I have other friends, I know Lime is grounded and had to go with her mom for Lemon’s allergy shots. Just drive me to the mall. It’s my church friends by the way,” Aurora huffed. “I’ll buy you pre work out or something.” “Ok, but someone else needs to drive you home. Isn’t Flash working today and his job is at the mall? So after his shift he can drive you home?” I asked. “I guess so.” ~~~~ I took a quick shower and got changed into my everyday clothes. I pulled on my dad’s flight jacket and put on my Sofu’s dog tags. I walked outside to my car where Aurora was waiting for me. I pulled out of the driveway and started driving to the mall. At a red light I turned the radio station. On the dash was my bumper stickers MY AIR FORCE BUMPER STICKERS. Why were my bumper stickers in my car not on it. “Aurora. What hell did you do?” I yelled. “Making your car not look like the red neck moible,” she rolled her eyes at me. “AURORA, my car is not the red neck moible,” I yelled. “It kinda is with those Army bumper stickers,“ she smirked. “Air Force, I come from an Air Force family. It’s not a red neck thing to support our troops,” I yelled as cars started honking. “The lights green. Air Force, Army, what’s the difference?” She asked rolling her eyes. “There is a difference, be lucky I’m not leaving you on the side of the road,” I yelled again. I was so furious at Aurora. She’s so obnoxious, and I hate her so much. I wanted to leave her on the side of the road so much but I would be super grounded if I did. Aurora has no claim to my car, her father, my stepfather didn’t spend any money on it, neither did mom. My car was gift from my uncles (dad’s buddies) and my Sofu. My car is beautifully restored 1986 Toyota Land Cruiser, my dad’s first car was also 1986 Toyota Land Cruiser. Although my car wasn’t my dad’s exact car it made me feel close to him. “I’m your only ride most of the time. You have to respect me or at least respect my car,” I huffed paying attention to the road. “Comet is at college and his Jeep got totaled back in December, so he can’t drive you around. Flash lives on the other side of town, unless you want to wait for him you need to respect your driver,” I told my stepsister. The way my stepbrother’s Jeep got totaled was kinda funny. He was at a Christmas party with his friends and his car was parked on the side on the road. His Jeep was hit my an out of control mail truck. No one was hurt so it makes everything super funny. Well it’s funny to me and Flash, well until we were told we have to drive Comet around since he’s not getting a new car until the lawsuit pays out. Whatever I just want to drop Aurora off and not have to deal with her for a few hours. “Here, bitch,” I said pulling into a parking spot. Aurora got out of my car and walked into the mall. I got out to put my stickers back on it. “Yo, Zap.” I turned around to see Vinyl Scratch. Another military brat. They’re dad is a high rank military officer and I believe he is semi retired now. “Hey Scratch, I hate my stepsister, she removed my Air Force stickers, again,” I complained. “That bitch, she ruined my proud daughter of a fallen soldier sticker. Ugh,” I yelled trying not to cry. I don’t cry (ok rarely cry) because crying is a sign of weakness. My therapist says I should cry and it’s not healthy to hold in my emotions and blah blah blah. ~~~~ “Hey Indy, are you ok?” I rolled down my car window to see my step cousin standing there holding a kids meal. I got out of my car and sat on the hood motioning for Flash to sit next to me. “No, I hate Aurora, she ruined my proud daughter of a fallen soldier bumper sticker. She’s such a bitch all the time,” I said as Flash handed me the kids meal. “She’s in middle school, at least she didn’t spill a cherry slush in your backseat.” “I don’t let anyone eat in my car, thanks for the kids meal I really needed it,” I told Flash opening up the box. Chicken nuggets, chocolate milk, Apple slices, and French fries, the same meal my dad use to buy me when I was little. Before his accident, before he became a flag. “My bumper stickers is the way I honor my dad. Aurora doesn’t understand what is like to lose a parent. Yes her parents went through a nasty divorce but at least her mother is alive. I was six when he died and I don’t have a lot of memories of him. Awesome extra nuggets and sweet chili lime sauce and smoky BBQ sauce, thanks again cool loser. I wish I got more time with him, according to his buddies I’m just like him. I feel like mom doesn’t really miss him as much as I do. Sofu misses him, he has a shrine to dad in his room at the retirement home. His buddies miss him a lot, especially the ones who were with him when the accident happened. I think I’m missing dad even more now since you know the friendship games and he won’t see me win,” I cried opening the dipping sauces. “How do you know Crystal Prep is gonna win?” Flash asked, he must be joking CPA always wins CHS always loses. He playful punched his arm and started to eat my chicken nuggets. “Any big thing in my life I miss dad a lot. When I went to the regional basketball tournament and everyone but Lemon got food poisoning, or when I graduated from Japanese school, and he will won’t see me off the Air Force academy after I graduated from CPA,” I cried again. Flash pulled me into a side hug. “It’s ok, Indy,” he whispered rubbing my back. “Emotions are high and you probably won’t want to talk to a wondercolt like me. But everything is ok. I’ll text Uncle Thunder and Aunt Lotus about what Aurora did,” Flash said checking his phone. “Gotta go, I’m break’s over soon,” Flash said getting off the hood and walking into the mall. I finished my kids meal and drove back home. ~~~~ “Indigo, can I come in?” Thunder Spirit asked knocking on my door. “Come in,” I told my stepfather. He walked into my room and went over to my bed. “I talked to Aurora about what happened today. She should have respected your property but you can’t threaten to leave a child on the side of the road,” he said. “I didn’t. She doesn’t understand how important Air Force stuff is to me, how it connects it to my actual dad,” I whispered pulling a blanket over my head. “Your mother and I had a talk with her about respecting people’s cars. She’s has to pay you back for the bumper sticker and Flash back cleaning and stain remover and grounded until she does.” “Whatever, when is she staying at her mothers appointment? Why can’t see just live there?” I asked. “Indigo, my ex-wife is barely able to take care of herself. It’s best for Aurora to stay with me,” Thunder sternly said. “I hate her, I hate Comet, I hate you, I hate everyone,” I yelled. “Indy don’t tell your stepfather you hate him,” mom yelled from down stairs. “I hate you too, I hate this family, the only one I love is dad,” I yelled again. “Indigo Zap, I know you don’t mean that. Thunder, sweetie, come downstairs and help me set the table. Indy needs calm down,” Mom called from downstairs. Thunder left my room. Mom was right, I didn’t really mean what I yelled, I do hate Aurora but I don’t really hate Comet or Thunder. Ugh, I’m probably starting my period soon so hormones are making my emotions worst. I got out of bed and walked over the dad’s flag hanging on bedroom wall. I remember dad’s funeral, I remember mom and I being present the flag on casket. I was too young to understand to truly understand what happened to my dad. I believe that he had become the flag. Mom let me hang up dad’s flag in my room. “I miss you daddy,” I whispered. I took a few deep breaths and walk went downstairs for dinner Author's Note A/N So Indigo and Flash are step cousins and Flash is the only member of her step family Indy actually likes. Indigo father died in an Air Force accident when she was little and misses him very much and wants to be in Air Force like him
ShotsTo say that I hate getting my allergy shots wound be an understatement. My brain goes numb and I’m usually knocked out for the day. I starred out of the window as mom drove to the allergy clinic . Blasting awesome beats through my headphones. “It's peanut butter jelly time, Peanut butter jelly time, peanut butter jelly time.” I pulled off of my headphones and turned around to see my sister holding my phone. “What the, Lime. How did you get my phone?” I asked reaching to the back seat to take my phone back. Lime crossed her arms and huffed. “I’m not the one who’ll die if she touches a peanut why am I here?” Lime asked. “Girls don’t fight, Lime you are grounded that’s why you are here. Plus we need someone to watch Lemon on the ride home in case something she goes happens,” Mom said. “Lem’s a drunk toddler when she gets her shots. Last time she got her shots she puked on me on the way home.” “At least you can eat any food you want without dying,” I said putting my headphones on. I hate how severe my allergies are, I’ve gotten mild reactions from hair products and my girlfriend kissing me after eating trail mix. I can’t even touch peanuts or tree nuts without breaking out in hives. My allergy shots are suppose to prevent me from anaphylactic shock in the long run or something like that. I don’t know how it works but if it means I don’t end up in the ER because I touched an almond I’m good. I have not need to use my epipen at all this school year and I’m so happy about that. The last time I had a reaction was a few weeks ago. Indigo gave me a kiss on the cheek before she headed to her physics class and I headed to algebra 2. I thought I was just nervous for my test and blushing because Indy kissed me but no I was having a reaction. Sunny took one look at my face and took me to school nurse. I puked on Sunny’s shoes before we got to the nurse’s office. The nurse gave me Benadryl and called my mom to pick me up. I got to stay home the next day and spend it with my dad playing video games. I got a three day weekend out of it and more time to study for my math test. Indy came over with my favorite candies apologizing for giving me an reaction. “Lemon, sweetie, what do you want from the deli?” Mom asked as we pulled into the clinic parking lot. “ Pastrami and hard salami,” I said turning off my music. The one good part of getting my shots is that there is a kosher deli fifteen minutes from the clinic. So days I have my shots we have deli sandwiches for dinner. ~~~ I took a seat in the waiting room after mom checked me in. It would be a long wait, so I just continue to listen to my music. I’ve been seeing my allergist since I was a toddler. Going to the allergy clinic four times a year for the last Fourteen years or so, yeah my sister is fourteen and my first appointment was when she was in mom’s stomach. Fourteen times four plus two equals, hmm give me a sec. Fifty eight times, roughly. I used my phone’s calculator to see how many times I’ve been here. I also thought about how scary some of my reactions have been, although not one of my most serious ones my scariest one happened when I was about six. I was at Sunny’s house and we were playing hair salon and Sunny used some of her hair product in hair. It must of have some nut oil or something my scalp was inflamed and super itchy. Being so young we didn’t know what was happening. I didn’t go into shock but it was still scariest reaction I had. Maybe because I don’t remember the times I go into shock. My worst reaction happened when I was nine, all I remember is eating a candy bar at Hebrew school then waking up in the PICU. Apparently the candy bar was ‘might contain trace levels of peanuts and tree nuts’ and I didn’t know that before eating it. I went into shock right away and my epipen was in the other room. I nearly died that day at Hebrew school. ~~~~ “Lemon Zest for Doctor Sniffles,” a nurse called snapping me out of my day dream. I turned off my music and followed her to Doctor Sniffles office. She took my weight, my height, my blood pressure, heart rate, pulse, temperature all of that doctor office stuff. She asked a lot of questions to make sure I’m good for my shots. When she asked if I could be pregnant I wanted to say I’m a lesbian but mom gave me a look and I just said no. The nurse left and said Doctor Sniffles would be I shortly. More waiting. Waiting, waiting, waiting. “How are you doing Lemon Zest?” Doctor Sniffles asked as he entered the room. “Good,” I replied. “How’s school going for you?” He asked. “Good, I’m gonna compete in the Friendship Games in two weeks,” I replied. More small talk later, Doctor Sniffles did a quick physical and put the blood pressure cuff and pulse ox on me. Shot time. I was starting to freak out, I hate these shots so much. Doctor Sniffles filled the three syringes with the medicine. I closed my eyes as Doctor Sniffles gave me the three shots. “Ouch,” I whispered after the last shot. “Very good, just need to wait for fifteen minutes to make sure there are no ill effects then you can go home,” Doctor Sniffles said. Every thing started to feel woozy and wonky. Ok the bad feeling was setting in. Fifteen minutes later mom helped me into the car and buckled me in. As soon as we started to drive I fell asleep. ~~~~ “Lemon, sweetie, we are home it’s time to wake up, we are home,” Mom whispered waking me up. I was very groggy as mom helped me out of the car and into our house. As soon as I got to my bedroom I passed out again. I spent the rest of the day sleeping. I didn’t even come downstairs for dinner because I was sleeping. I woke up in the middle of the night ate something before going back asleep in my room. Hopefully tomorrow I’ll be able do to stuff and not sleep all day.
StrugglesTwo hundred days self harm free, I’m two hundred days self harm free. The cocktail of drugs are finally working, working without turning me into a flipping zombie. I’ve gotten so much better since I moved in with my aunt and uncle last year. But I could always slip and fall. Slip and fall back into the psych ward. If I end up in the loony bin or jail one more time my grandparents are gonna disown me and I’ll lose my inheritance. “Hey, Evita,” I whispered as my psychiatric service dog put her head on my lap. She gave me a nuzzle and it calm me down. My doctors’ recommend getting her after my second suicide attempt. When I was still living with my parents, Evita calm me down. That mutt saved my life. Last year I was so close to ending it all, and for real. But Evita took the knife from me and called 9–1-1. I don’t deserve her, she deserves a better owner than me. Evita jumped onto my bed and started to give me kisses. Covering me with puppy slobber. I saw a text from my Aunt Honeycomb. I had chores to get done. Keeping busy keeps the voices at bay. It also helps with my mood swings apparently. I looked at Aunt Honeycomb’s list. Better get on it, if I don’t I might be kicked out. I got dress, grabbed my bag and put Evita’s vest on and got ready to leave. I took the bus to store, I’m not allowed to drive. I’m deemed too ‘mentally unstable to drive’. I guess there is a fear that the voices or hallucinations will cause me to get into an accident. If I drive I’m a threat to myself and others. First I went to the pharmacy and picked up my prescriptions. I put the meds in my bag and walked the blocks to the store. I walked into the store and looked at the shopping list. As I walked though the store, I started to feel the word close in on me. You are useless You don’t deserve to be in the Friendship Games Yes you do, you are very competitive Cinch only picked you for diversity points “Sour, Sour, are you ok?” I was on the dirty floor and saw Sunny Flare kneeling by me. “Sour, are you ok?” Sunny asked again. “Sour, let’s go to the back room,” Sunny whispered as I put my arms around her shoulder. How could she take me to the back room? Probably one of her million family members work her or something. I sat down on an old sofa and Sunny handed me a soda. I took a sip and my brain started to calm down. “W-W-haat happened?” I asked like an idiot. I knew what happened, the voices happened. “Evita ran up to me, I followed her and I saw you having a break down by the cookies. Are you feeling better?” Sunny asked. I didn’t respond. “No, no juegues con la perrita, está trabajando,” Sunny said turning her head to a small child trying to play with Evita. Sunny was with one of her nieces when Evita got her. “Want me to drive you home?” Sunny asked. All I could do was nodded my head yes. Sunny left briefly to buy her groceries and mine as well. “Crumble, Tía Sunny needs to talk to her friend, can you listen to your music?” Sunny asked her niece as she buckled the kid into her car seat. “Ok,” the little girl said. Evita sat in backseat next to Crumble. I looked at my hands in my lap. I played with my green bracelet, it was for mental health awareness. “Thanks Sunny,” I managed to muffled not looking up. “No problema.“ I kept quiet and when we got to a red light, Sunny gave me a smile. “How old is Crumble?” I asked. Why was I asking how old that brat was? “Crumble is four, she is Ray and Berry’s daughter. They are visiting since both of them are off of work for the week,” Sunny replied. I looked at the backseat, the child on her tablet, singing some Spanish kids song, my mutt sitting on the seat next to her. My cousin was going to have a kid soon and I wonder if I’ll be allowed around it. If I’m not allowed around the child will I be allowed to live with my uncle and aunt. If I moved back in with my parents will either end up dead, in the psych ward or jail. “How many nieces and nephews do you have?” I asked “Nine with two on the way,” Sunny replied. Of cause Sunny had a lot of bratty nieces and nephews she’s the youngest of nine flipping kids. I’m the middle of five and I haven’t talked to my older siblings since my first trip to the psych ward. “I can’t wait to have a family of my own someday, have a beautiful spouse and beautiful children. I’m not able to get.” “Shut up Sunny why would you want to ruin your body even more to have a little brat,” I yelled. I am not the matinal type and don’t understand why any sane women would want to go through that. I don’t understand why my cousin spent a shit ton of money to have a baby with her wife. “I don’t get it, why would women have multiple children to help save her failing marriage but care for middle ones issues. Try to hide the mentally unstable one and cover up her suicide attempts because what if HOA finds out?” “Sour, calm down you are spieling. I’m pulling over, you need to calm down. Sour Sweet.” Everything went black. I felt my heart rate rise and dizzy. One of the side effects of my psychotic medication was issues with my heart rate, blood pressure. I don’t really know what hell it affects but it makes me faint. I really hope Sunny didn’t call an ambulance because it would lead to more problems. “Sour, baby, it’s ok, you are going to be ok.” I open my eyes to see I was in hospital with my aunt by my side. “Aunt Honeycomb where am I?” I asked stupidly, I was in the ER. “Baby, you fainted, over the summer your doctors are going to trailer different medicines. Current medicines are putting too much of a strain on your heart,” Aunt Honeycomb said brushing my hair. Great more drug changes this can only end so well. After finally finding meds that work for my brain it has to be changed because it doesn’t work for my body. I just wish I could be normal and not have to deal with all of these medications. Author's Note Last chapter, it’s not the best but I’m on a trip and really busy and I just want to get this done with
Summer ProgramI refreshed my email again. Still nothing. I looked at my calendar and then at my clock. I have to hear back soon. I have to have gotten in, I need to get in. Then the wifi dropped. “Shit,” I muffled. “Data what did you do?” I yelled. “Suggie, I’ll get the wifi back,” my kid sister yelled from her room. I walk down the hall to her room. My little sister was a child genius like her big sister and brothers, unfortunately she’s a hacker. In my sister’s pink princess bedroom she sat at Autumn’s old Mac that he gave to her when he left for Pen State last year. “What did you do?” I asked again. Data didn’t look up and continued to work on her program software. “I had to cut the wifi to test out this code. I can now control the whole house from my desk,” Data said. I rolled my eyes. “I need the wifi to check my email about my summer program. You don’t understand how important this is to my education. This will help my chances of getting into Cornell,” I told my sister. “Why do you want to go to Carvel?” Data asked. “Cornell not Carvel, C-O—R-N-E-L-L not C-A-R-V-E-L, the same school mom went to. Did you just hack my email? What did mom and dad tell you about hacking our emails?” I asked Data. This child truly scares me sometimes. Autumn, Rain and I have VPNs to stop her from hacking us all of the time. Somehow this seven year old has managed to hack three VPNs. “I didn’t hack you, I remember your password,” Data said. Great I have to change my password, again. I saw three new emails, two of them were junk emails, and the third one from the summer program. I pushed Data out of away and opened the email. “Dear Sugarcoat, congratulations you have been accepted” I quickly read the first line. Then I read the rest of the email. I got in, I got in. I even got a small scholarship. I printed out the email and logged out of my email on Data’s Mac. I read the email again, I wasn’t allowed to talk about it on social media. I’m not an idiot that posts everything to social media. I won’t lose this opportunity because I had to brag on social media. I pinned the email to my bulletin board above my desk. I starred at my bulletin board and what I had hanging there. Photos from Autumn and Rain’s graduations, from when Rain and I won the Science Olympiad event last year, many of my awards I have one, now front and center my email for my summer program. When I get into Cornel next year my acceptance letter wound be front and center Author's Note Quick chapter this time, that’s all
