The Colors We Wish For

by Sunlight Rays

Rating: teen
Tags: Dark, Alternate Universe, Sad, Drama, Original Character, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 8598

Topaz Glow always makes sure she is the mare she has to be. Even if that means she can never be the mare she is.

Far away, in the magical land of Equestria, grayscale ponies walk the earth. To have hues in one's hair is to be shunned by others.

With every hour, minute, and second, Topaz Glow makes sure she is the mare she has to be.

Even if that means she can never be the mare she is.

Written for Pride Month 2023.

Includes explicit depictions of dysphoria. Reader discretion is advised.

Special thanks to Zenith Sky for brainstorming the story with me, to RubyDubious for stepping up to be the proofreader and editor for this story, and to Hivemind for drawing the cover art!

Published 2023-06-28 22:30:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-06-28 22:30:01 UTC

The Colors We Wear

Time crawled towards seven-thirty, just like the sunlight creeping through the blinds. Second by second, inch by inch, the two abstracts raced to reach their destiny first, the edge of the sun’s rays trying to tickle the clock ticking on the desk while time worked to spin the hands faster.

Just as the edge of the light touched the base of the clock, the minute hand shifted to its lowest position with a final tick.

The clock’s bells let out a metallic shriek as the hammer slammed into them, the small device rattling on the gray wooden desk from the sheer momentum.

Light blue magic wrapped around it, feeling around the accursed thing and trying to shut it up. With a click, Topaz Glow turned off the alarm. She groaned as she sat up in bed, trying to see through bleary eyes and blink the sleep out of them at the same time.

Soon, the familiar scene of her room came into view; her bed, with its white pillow and light gray sheets; her dressing table, which was painted white with a small mirror propped against the wall on it; the walls, which were covered in an immaculate, white wallpaper; a dark gray wardrobe, with equally monochrome clothes stored for special occasions.

Topaz stretched, wincing as her joints popped into place. She rolled out of bed, and let out another groan.

Clearly, even seven and a half hours of sleep isn’t enough for me… Topaz thought to herself as she trudged over to the bathroom and flicked on the light. The white fluorescent light flickered, then shone cold and dry upon Topaz’s fur. It was all she could do to not look at the mare that stood on the other side of the mirror.

Wordlessly, Topaz brushed her teeth, washed her face, dried off her fur, and fitted her contacts into her eyes. She never met eyes with the stranger that stood waiting in the looking glass the whole time, even as she walked out of the bathroom and closed the door. It was never worth engaging with her. Topaz knew that too well.

She knew the pony in the mirror would never tell her who she really was.

…

Topaz climbed down the flight of stairs to her living room. Sunlight flooded through the closed curtains, illuminating the floor in a shower of bright light and lighting up the furniture and the walls in a brilliant display of monochromatic shades. Just out of the natural spotlight, Topaz saw, was a neatly folded newspaper, having been slipped through the slit in her front door. Picking it up with her magic, Topaz headed into the kitchen.

Pouring herself a bowl of cereal, Topaz flipped through the papers, skimming the headlines. She paused as a particular title caught her eye.

“‘Bill on Banning School Teachers from Mentioning the Existence of Ponies with Multichromatic Disorder Passes’… More on Page 8…”

Topaz rapidly flipped through the pages as she carried her bowl of cereal over to her table and scooped a spoon of cereal into her mouth. Finding the article as she munched on her sugary breakfast, she sat down and began to read.

“‘Bill was filed April 2nd… Educational Committee reviewed and approved the bill on the 20th of the same month… Was referred to the Regional Council on April 22nd… After several readings and sessions, the Council passed the Bill yesterday, May 24th… Passed by a vote of 74-22… If teachers mention ponies with MCD they can be punished for policy violation…’ Ugh.”

Topaz unceremoniously tossed the newspaper onto the paper and scooped a spoonful of cereal into her mouth. “Blegh,” she scowled, feeling the sickly sweet, soggy granules and the bland milk rubbing against her taste buds. Still, she forced it down her throat. She would need it for the day she had ahead of her.

Shoving the rest of her breakfast down her throat despite her tongue’s protests, Topaz put away the bowl in the sink and picked up the newspaper. With practiced ease, she tore out the article and walked into her living room, stopping before a corkboard hanging on her wall. Looking up at the countless articles already pinned there, Topaz searched for a spot to pin the new piece of paper. Titles such as ‘Multichromatic Disordered Ponies Banned from Getting Hair Dye Treatment in Beauty Shops and Salons’ and ‘Restrictions on Marriage Between Ponies with MCD and Grayscale Ponies’ dug into Topaz’s eyes, cutting through her body and embedding themselves in her heart with their serrated blades of words. Topaz wordlessly stared up at the titles, the letters in black ink staring back into her soul.

The letters blurred. Topaz wiped away her tears with a hoof. The paper shivered in her magic as her horn flickered and sputtered. Taking in a deep breath, Topaz gripped the article tightly. Grabbing a pushpin from the corkboard, she pinned it up, placing it between all the other articles.

She felt like she was stabbing the pin into her own heart.

“Another special treatment,” Topaz muttered as she turned around. “Just for us 1% of the pony population.”

Grabbing her saddlebag, she opened the front door and stepped outside. Today was going to be a long day.

Topaz stretched and yawned. She glanced at the clock on the wall. 10:57 a.m. The morning business was slow going for her, having finished the backlog of jeweling orders from yesterday. All Topaz had to do was wait for her customers to come pick up their orders.

She slowly scanned the inside of her shop, looking for anything that might be out of place or pique her interest. The walls and floor of the store were boringly white. Sunlight flooded through the store window and shone on the gemstones Topaz set out on white pedestals as examples of her work, the reflected light coloring the ceiling and floor a light show of red, yellow, green, and blue. Several other gemstones also lay upon their pedestals deeper into the store, illuminated by the lightbulbs installed above them. Nothing was out of place.

Topaz stood up and stretched, groaning as her joints cracked and set themselves back into place. Pacing around behind her work desk, she grabbed her coffee pot and poured herself a cup of coffee. Dropping a cube of sugar into her mug and stirring the hot drink, she looked at the clock again. 10:59 a.m.

Sitting back at her desk and sipping from her cup, Topaz idly tapped her hooves. Bored. So bored. She was so bored that she felt like she could slide off her chair onto the floor, sink with gravity, and bore a hole through the floor into the earth—

The doorbell chimed. Topaz bolted upright in her chair and turned her attention to the door. “Hello, welcome to Topaz Jewelry! How can I— Oh hello, Mrs. Glint!”

“Hello, Miss Glow,” Jewel Glint chirped with her signature accent, one that made Topaz tilt her head internally every time she heard it. “Would this be a good time?”

“Oh, of course! In fact, I was waiting for someone to come in. How can I help you today?”

“Well,”—Jewel paused as she dug into her saddlebag and placed a gemstone on Topaz’s desk—“would you mind sharpening this gemstone for me? ‘Tis for the anniversary of my spouse and me tomorrow.”

Topaz looked at the dull ruby gemstone on her work desk, then beamed up at her. “Oh, I don’t mind at all! Would it be okay if I asked you to come back to pick it up by one in the afternoon tomorrow?”

“Of course, Miss Glow. I look forward to seeing your work. I am sure my husband will like it when he sees it.”

Topaz smiled. “I’ll try my best, Mrs. Glint. Was there a specific style you wished for me to cut this in?” Topaz asked as she fixed the gemstone on her workbench and prepared her spell, her horn lighting up.

“Round style, please.”

Topaz nodded, focusing on the gemstone. “Alright. I’ll get to work on the jewel right away!”

“Oh, and—”

Topaz paused mid-spell, her horn glowing. She looked up at Jewel with a quizzical look. “Yes, Mrs. Glint?”

“Would you mind if I stood here and watched you work on the gemstone for a few minutes? I have always wanted to see how the process works, and I have… perhaps half an hour before I must head to my next destination.”

“Oh, you’re absolutely welcome to stay! It would be nice to have some company while I work away, for sure.”

“Thank you, Miss Glow,” Jewel Glint said with a small nod.

Nodding in return, Topaz turned back to the gemstone. Rough and obtuse, the reddish stone lay there, waiting to be shaped into its beauty. Topaz lit her horn and turned the stone around and over, lightly tapping her magic against the gemstone and awakening her innate talent. Instantly, a plan on how to shave the stone flashed in front of Topaz’s eyes.

Holding the reddish gemstone steady, Topaz applied the spell. A brilliant blue light encased a side of the gemstone, the ruby piece shining under Topaz’s eyes as she carefully began to carve away at the rough surface.

Slowly, rotating in Topaz’s magic, bits of the reddish jewel fell away, partly revealing a silhouette of the disk-shaped cut she was aiming for. Stopping the flow of magic, Topaz picked up a magnifying glass and inspected the surface. Still coarse, she mused, but getting there.

“I must say, Miss Glow…”

Topaz flinched, breaking out of her focus on the jewel in her grasp. She looked up to see an impressed-looking Jewel Glint. “Yes, Mrs. Glint?”

“Apologies, ‘twas not my intention to frighten you. I was trying to tell you that I must take my leave. There are preparations I must tend to for our anniversary tomorrow.”

Topaz nodded. “Alright, then. I’ll see you tomorrow, I assume?”

“Indeed. Oh and, Miss Glow?”

“Yes?”

“I had a thought while watching you carve out that gemstone…”

Topaz sat up in her chair, her eyes on her customer. “I’m all ears, Mrs. Glint.”

Jewel Glint waved a dismissive hoof. “‘Tis nothing, really. Just a random thought about how ponies like you, even if you are devoid of color, are capable of grinding a rough gemstone into valuable jewels.”

Topaz blinked for a moment, then gave Jewel a small smile. “It’s only possible because the gemstones themselves have brilliant colors hidden within them. Without them, no matter how hard I polish them, I would not be able to make them shine.”

Jewel nodded. “Fair point. However, ‘tis your job to make them shine, is it not? I would give you credit for helping the jewels shine with their brightest potential.”

Topaz didn’t know how to respond. In the end, she settled with, “Thank you, Mrs. Glint.”

“Always, Miss Glow. Now, I must take my leave. I shall see you tomorrow.”

“Have a good day, Mrs. Glint!” Topaz shouted after her customer as she left the store.

Letting out a sigh, Topaz slumped back into her chair. She ran her hooves up her face and mane, the words Jewel Glint left echoing in her head.

‘Ponies like you, devoid of color, are capable’...

‘Devoid of color’...

Topaz shook her head and turned her focus back to the piece of jewel. She would not be distracted by a mere casual remark.

Picking up the jewel again, Topaz reapplied her magic, continuing to carve away at the piece of ruby that awaited her treatment. Slowly, more of the circular cut became apparent, the facets appearing one by one.

‘Devoid of color’...

Her magic flickered then faltered, and the ruby gemstone clattered onto the workbench. Topaz stood up, the wooden chair scraping against the tiled floor. She couldn’t focus. Not with the words Jewel said earlier buzzing in her head.

‘Devoid of color’...

‘Ponies like you’...

Why is this being an issue all of a sudden? Topaz thought to herself, pacing to and fro behind her work desk.

This isn’t the first time I’ve heard something like that. Far from it.

Is it because of the article I read this morning?

‘Devoid of color’…

It’s just a simple remark, why can’t I get over it?

‘Devoid of color’...

‘Ponies like you’...

Why am I like this?

Topaz stopped in her pacing, still behind her work desk. She couldn’t bear this; she had to do something. Anything. Just something that would take her mind off Jewel’s words and the…

The harsh reality I wake up to find myself in, Topaz’s thoughts finished themselves for her.

Opening a drawer, Topaz pulled out a sign that read “momentarily vacant: will return soon” and put it on her desk. She walked out from behind the desk and headed into the bathroom. She turned the lights on, closed the door behind her, made sure she locked it, and faced the mare in the mirror.

Under the cold, blindingly dim light of her bathroom’s fluorescent lamp, she met eyes with a grayscale mare. One that had a jet-black mane, a pebble-colored coat, and dark gray eyes. Or at least, one that appeared to have dark gray irises.

Carefully, with her magic, Topaz pulled out the contacts from her eyes. Looking at the mirror again, she came face-to-face with a mare. A mare that had sky-blue eyes. A mare with color.

A mare I can never be, Topaz mused.

The image in the mirror blurred, and Topaz blinked away her tears.

She picked up the contacts and put them in. Blinking rapidly and letting them settle in, she looked at the mirror again.

There she was again. The grayscale mare. The one she had to be.

“This is so stupid…” Topaz muttered to herself as she prepared to leave the bathroom. She shouldn’t be like this. She just needed to get over herself, to not think about who she wanted to be, to just be like the others.

Like she was told by everyone during her foalhood.

Topaz walked out of the bathroom and turned off the lights, not looking at the mare in the mirror as she disappeared. She had a gemstone to carve.

…

When Topaz came back to her desk, she noticed a pegasus hovering near the display windows, looking at the jewelry samples.

Blinking to make sure her eyes were no longer wet, Topaz cleared her throat. “Hello! Can I help you with something?”

The pegasus turned towards Topaz, then gave her a small wave. “Oh hey, Top. Was wonderin’ where ya went.”

Topaz’s eyes widened in surprise. “Sky? What are you doing here?”

Dancing Sky merely shrugged. “Eh, just lookin’ around, waitin’ for ya to come back from wherever in Tartarus you were off to. It’s lunchtime for me, and I was just lookin’ to chat, y’know? Nice cut you got there goin’ with that ruby, by the way.”

Topaz smiled lightly. “Thanks, Sky. How’s work been for you?”

Again, Sky shrugged, fluffing up her immaculate white plumage. “Eh, same old, same old. They always give us the same tasks up there; we have sunny skies scheduled all week, make sure no stray clouds enter the area, keep the breeze steady so it doesn’t become a furnace down there, blah blah blah. It’s the same old boring drill,” she finished, rolling her eyes as she recounted the mundane tasks at work. “What about you? Any fun or exciting customers?”

Topaz shook her head. “Nah. Just had to take care of some backlogged orders, and now I’ve got this”—she picked up the piece of ruby from her workbench—“piece of gem I need to carve up for Mrs. Glint until tomorrow. It’s her anniversary tomorrow, apparently.”

Sky beamed up at that. “Oh, nice! Tell her I said happy anniversary when she comes by, will ya?”

Topaz smirked at that. “You haven’t even met her face-to-face, Sky.”

“Well, do I have to? Plus, she might know me even if I don’t know her!” Sky retorted, throwing her hooves in the air and feigning indignance.

“Alright, alright, I’ll pass the word along,” Topaz tittered.

“You’d better.”

The pair fell into silence, and Topaz sat down at her chair, getting ready to resume work on Jewel’s order. Then she looked up at Sky again. The moment their eyes met, Sky looked away, idly twirling her hooves as she hovered near Topaz’s workbench.

“Something wrong?”

“No, it’s just, um…” Sky looked at the ground, scraping the ground with a front hoof as she nervously rubbed her leg with the other.

“C’mon, Sky, you know you can tell me anything. You know my lips are sealed except for when I talk.”

Sky deadpanned. “Har har. Very funny.”

Topaz beamed up at her. “Thanks, I try to be!”

Resisting the urge to facehoof, Sky continued on. “But uh, in all seriousness… can you lend me some bits?”

Topaz grinned. “Sky, I owe you money. Remember the thousand bits you lent me when I needed money for setting up this shop?”

“Right, and I’m still waiting for the four hundred bits you’ve yet to pay,” Sky said, pointing a hoof at Topaz.

“Actually, it’s three-fifty now. I’ve been buying you a lot of hayburgers whenever we go eat lunch together, y’know?”

Sky laughed. “Wow, really? You wanna play it like that, Top?”

Topaz shrugged, not taking that smug grin off her face. “Hey, they cost money, and I’ve been keeping tabs on them. If I do anything for your benefit, it counts.”

“Well, I haven’t really mentioned interest rates yet, have I?”

“Oh-ho, you’re pulling that now, huh?”

Sky shrugged, returning the smug grin Topaz had until a moment ago. “You pull the free food card, and I pull the interest rate card. It’s only fair, y’know?”

Topaz deadpanned. “Uh huh, really funny, Sky. How much do you need to borrow, anyway?”

Sky blinked, then sheepishly looked away with an awkward smile. “Oh, uh, about two hundred bits.”

Topaz ran the math in her head. Hundred bits I’ll get from Mrs. Glint tomorrow… Two-fifty bits I’ll get today or tomorrow… Need an average of fifty per day to pay the bills… Yup!

“Definitely affordable!” Topaz beamed up at her friend. “Just come to my house after I close up, and I’ll give you the bits. You know where I live.”

“That I do,” Sky nodded. “Thanks a bunch, Top. You’re a lifesaver.”

“Don’t mention it. Besides, how can I say no when you’re asking me so nicely? It’s not like I see you doing that every day.”

“Oh, shut up,” Sky grumbled, blushing as Topaz giggled. Then she looked at the clock. “Oh ponyfeathers, I need to get back to work!” she shouted as she bolted out the door, Topaz jogging after her. “I’ll see you later, Top! Thanks for the money!”

“See ya!” Topaz waved after the pegasus from the doorway, who left only a couple of white feathers as she dashed away into the skies, her gray-hued trail a clear contrast against the blue sky.

Topaz continued to look at the sky as her friend faded away into a dot in the distance, a faint smile on her face. Then she stretched and headed back in. She had a jewel to carve.

“Should have prepared myself better for today…” Topaz groaned as she dragged herself up the stairs. She was welcomed by her featureless gray bedroom door, sluggishly pushing it open with a loud creak.

She had thought that, after lunch and finishing up the piece of ruby Jewel Glint had asked her to sharpen, her business would be slow. She had expected next to no customers to come in until it was time for her to close.

She was dead wrong.

Glitter Light, the local fashionista, had stormed into the store, a whole chest of rough diamonds in tow. Apparently, she had a contract to finish by the end of the week and she needed to get these diamonds carved for her commission.

“Topaz, honey, I am terribly sorry, but I must ask you to help me!” The manic mare had shouted, grabbing Topaz by the collar and shaking her back and forth frantically. “I need you to shave these diamonds and make them shine by tomorrow!”

Sure, the advanced payment was nice, and the extra incentive that would come at the end of her request should she fulfill her duty by the deadline was quite simply exquisite, but Topaz found herself wishing that her horn didn’t feel like it was on fire after finishing a third of the requested amount.

Pressing a bag of ice she had grabbed from the fridge downstairs on her horn, Topaz stumbled into her dull, boring bedroom. There wasn’t much to look at. Surrounded by white walls, a white dressing table with a small mirror, a white bed with light gray sheets, and a dark gray wardrobe was all Topaz had in the small room.

Topaz groaned again as she shuffled over and slumped on her bed. Her horn, although feeling less hot now, still ached, and that was giving her a massive pain in her forehead. She let out another groan as she flopped over onto her back. Water dripped down from the cold bag. Topaz didn’t mind it, though; it was helping her cool her horn and head after the telekinetic marathon she just pulled.

Topaz shuffled so she could put her head on her pillow. She let out a pleased sigh as she felt herself press into that soft headrest. She closed her eyes, letting herself simply relax without doing or thinking about anything. She liked it. The calm sound of her clock ticking, the soft and warm sensation of her bed, and the cool feeling of the ice against her horn and forehead were blissful.

Topaz opened her eyes and sighed again. She would lie there for just ten more minutes, then go into the showers to wash the workload out of her body. She turned her gaze sideways when something caught her eye. Something thin and dark lay on her pillow, a sharp contrast of black against white.

With her magic, she picked it up. She held it up in the air, examining it in the white fluorescent lights. It was a strand of hair. It must have fallen out from her mane. It had a black end and a bright brown end, a slow gradation of two colors.

Topaz grimaced. It was time to dye her mane again. She would have to coat her horn again, too, given how much work she did with it today.

With a complaining groan, Topaz rolled off her bed and shuffled to the dressing table, sitting in front of it. She pulled open a drawer, pulling out a bottle of black hair dye.

Topaz sighed. She really hated this.

In the mirror was a mare. A gray unicorn mare. Her mane was jet black, a featureless fabric woven from a thousand strands of hair that weren’t hers. Her fur and horn were a dull shade of gray, a color that held no emotion and carried no soul. Her body didn’t tell her story. She wasn’t who she wished to be.

She wished to tear it all out. She wanted to pull out every strand of hair and file her horn down until she bled. She wanted her colors back. This… This illusion in the mirror. It wasn’t her. It couldn’t be her. This is not who she is. This is not what she is.

But it was who she had to be.

Topaz blinked. She hadn’t noticed her breaths getting sharper and shallower. She hadn’t noticed her grip on the bottle of hair dye getting stronger to the point where her hoof holding it was shaking. She hadn’t even realized those droplets of tears rolling down her cheek.

With a sigh, she set the bottle on the table and wiped the tears away. This isn’t who she is. But it was who she had to be.

Why did she have to be like this?

Why couldn’t she have normal gray hair like the others? Gray hair that looked so dull and boring? It would save her so much trouble. She wouldn’t have to live a lie. She wouldn’t have to live as someone who she wasn’t.

She hated this. She hated herself. She hated that she didn’t have the guts to be who she was. She hated that she had the audacity to lie in everyone’s faces, including her friends. Including Sky.

Hate. Hate. Hate.

But this was her reality, and this was what she had to do.

Topaz pulled out a brush and a bowl from the same drawer and set them on the table. She squeezed the bottle, pouring the dye into the bowl. Putting the bottle down, she picked up the brush with her magic and dabbed it in the dye. She then raised it to her hair and began working away.

She hated it.

Outer layer, inner layer. Bangs, side, back, top. Topaz knew the process like the back of her hoof. It made it much faster for her to get it over with.

She was painting another layer of lies on herself.

With a final stroke, Topaz finished spreading the dye into her mane. She sank into her chair, tossing the brush into the bowl. Slowly, she looked up at the mirror.

A unicorn mare looked back at her. A mare with gray fur and horn, and a black mane.

She hated her.

Looking away, Topaz looked at the clock on the wall. 7:05 p.m. She would let it sit for about twenty minutes. That should be enough for the dye to seep into her mane. For the lies to solidify into new truths.

Topaz sighed and sank further in her chair. She lay in that position with her eyes closed, not caring about the fluorescent lights flashing past her eyelids, the sound of the clock ticking, or the sound of a hoof rapping against her window—

Wait, what?

Topaz’s eyes flew open as she looked at the window. Beyond the window lay orange skies, the sun setting the once-blue canvas on fire and tinting the clouds gold. Starkly contrasting the vibrant scenery was a colorless pegasus mare, tapping away at the glass.

Dancing Sky.

Topaz rushed over to the window and threw it open. “Sky! What are you doing here?”

“I came here for the bits, ya silly! You said you would give them to me at seven if I came here!” Sky chuckled in amusement as she hovered in the air. Then she squinted. “Uh, why is your mane wet?”

“Oh, it’s, uh—”

“Also what are those on the table? Are those—”

“Look, we’ll meet downstairs, okay? I’ll give you the bits—”

“—hair dye bottle and brush?”

“—so you can…” Topaz’s words died in her throat as she processed what Sky had just said. Oh no.

Doing her best to maintain her composure, Topaz stammered. “Sky, I… I can explain, okay? It’s just that—” Topaz’s words died in her throat when she saw her friend’s face. There was a complex mixture of emotions on Sky’s face, one that she couldn’t read very well. She looked sad, angry, and relieved at the same time, and Topaz thought she saw the faintest hints of a glimmer in the corners of the pegasus’ eyes.

Then Sky blinked, and the glimmer was gone. “Can we talk inside? It is getting a little chilly out here.”

Topaz blinked, Sky’s words breaking her out of her stupor. “Oh, I, uh, sure… Come in.”

“Thanks,” Sky muttered as she fluttered in and pushed the window shut behind her. Then she walked over to the desk and picked up the bottle of hair dye.

“P-please don’t tell anypony!”

“What?”

“Just… Please don’t tell anyone else about this, Sky. I promise you I didn’t want to do this either! I didn’t want to live a lie like this, didn’t want to tell everyone that I’m somepony that I’m not—”

Sky put up a hoof as she turned to Topaz. “Woah, woah, Top, calm down. Nopony said anything about telling anyone ya got hair dye bottles or anything of the sort.”

Topaz blinked. “But…”

“Yeah?”

“You’re not going to tell anyone?”

Sky shook her head. “Nah. Everyone has secrets, Top, and I’m very certain at least some of them are secrets that you can’t ever tell anyone,” Sky looked away as she put the hair dye bottle back down. “I know that all too well.”

“I—”

“Besides,” Sky continued as she turned to face Topaz again, “it would be really hypocritical of me if I were to go around and tell everyone about my best friend having colors in her hair, wouldn’t it?”

Topaz stared at Sky with a bemused expression. “I… I don’t understand—”

“You’re not the only one who has colors in her hair, Top.” Before Topaz could get in another word, Sky lifted her mane with a hoof, and Topaz saw something she would never forget.

Underneath the blanket of ashen gray were brilliant azure-colored strands of mane. The color started from Sky’s scalp, stretching outwards before fading away into the dull cinders of the pegasus’s mane.

Sky ruffled her mane, and the streak of blue hair disappeared under the sea of slate-colored strands.

“You… dyed your hair too?” Topaz finally managed to ask.

“I mean, duh! I don’t reckon a lot of ponies have a mane whose color changes from blue to gray within the same strand of hair without getting them dyed.”

“Why?”

“Let’s be real, Top; can ya imagine someone—anyone—being able to get by with a single bit of color in any part of their appearance? Can ya imagine such a sight when you know how ponies react to colored hair?”

Topaz shook her head. “No, not really.”

Sky scoffed, then shook her head. “Just buckin’… Ever since foalhood everyone gave me shit for having colors in my coat and mane, Top. And I do mean everyone. My friends, my teachers, buck, even my mom hated that I had color. Ya get what I’m saying?”

“…Yeah,” Topaz nodded. “I never saw you with color in your fur, though. Not once when we went to school together.”

Sky scowled at that. “Because my mom would forcibly take me to the salons and dye my coat.”

“Oh.”

“Yup.”

…

“So uh…”

Sky looked up at Topaz. “Hm?”

“Did you dye your feathers too, or…”

Sky let out a snort, a small, hollow smile on her face. “Nah, never had to. They were already white, why dye them when they already don’t have color?”

“I suppose that’s fair.”

“Eeyup, and honestly? I could never be too glad that I didn’t have to dye my feathers,” Sky said as she sat on her haunches, leaning against the side of Topaz’s desk. She patted the floor next to her. Topaz slunk over and sat down next to her, back against the wall and making sure her mane didn’t touch the wallpaper.

After a moment of silence, Sky spoke again. “Well, if there’s any upside to having my fur dyed, it’s probably no longer having pegasi crashing into me, y’know?” She let out an empty chuckle.

Topaz didn’t share her laughter. “So…”

“Yeah?”

“What about your eyes?”

Sky blinked. “Oh, my eye color?” Topaz nodded. “Contacts. I figured, y’know, the easiest way to change my eye color without having to do anything to my body was contacts, so…”

Topaz nodded. “Yeah, same.”

…

“So…” Sky spoke up after a moment of silence. “What’s your story, Top?”

“Hm?”

“How’d you come to, y’know…” Sky vaguely gestured towards Topaz’s mane and fur.

“Oh, uh. Well…” Topaz trailed off. She turned her eyes towards the window, looking at the sky burning a bright orange as the sun slid down towards the horizon. She took in a deep breath, closed her eyes, then opened them. “I didn’t have much thought about having colors until I went to high school. I thought I had to do it. I mean, it is the norm to not have colors, no? Everyone was always talking about how it was wrong to have colors in your appearance, that it meant you aren’t normal, and that there was something wrong with you. And really, I was just glad to stay out of trouble’s way.”

She turned to look at Sky. “It’s funny, really. Mom was the one who took me to salons to get my hair and coat dyed, just like yours did for you. But she always seemed unhappy doing it, you know? Like she never wanted to put that hair dye on me. I just didn’t realize that until…” Topaz trailed off again, a somber light filling her eyes.

Sky gently put a hoof on Topaz’s shoulder, listening without saying a word.

Topaz took in a deep breath. “I brought it up to my mom. I asked her why everyone was expecting me to wear hair dye, and… It led to a fight. I said I didn’t want to live as a grayscale pony, that I just wanted to live as who I really am, and Mom was all against it. She said that I wouldn’t be able to live at all the way I was without hair dye. I asked what the issue was with trying to live as who I am, and she said that… They wouldn’t view me as a pony, but as… As a freak, as something who is pretending to be a pony but is actually not.”

Sky gently squeezed Topaz’s shoulder. “I’m sorry. That must have been hard for ya.”

“That wasn’t the hardest part,” Topaz replied. She was staring at the opposite wall now, gazing into something that seemed to be a thousand yards away. “My mom said she never wanted to put dye on me, but she was doing it because she feared that I would be ostracized by everyone if she didn’t. She said that if I didn’t use hair dye, I’ll never be the ‘beautiful, colorful pony’ I wanted to be, but instead a monster shunned by everyone.” Topaz let out a sigh. “I still regret ever bringing the topic up with my mom in the first place.

“But yeah, that showed me that something was royally fucked up with the way things were, and that’s why I started to keep an eye out for articles and whatnot.” Topaz turned to look at Sky. “Have you been keeping up with the news lately?”

Sky shook her head. “Nah. Too many depressing articles. Why? What’d they do this time?”

“Nothing special, just… Just another bill to keep us ponies with colors from being ourselves. This one banning teachers from talking about ponies like us in school.”

“Bah,” Sky spat, scowling at the distaste in her mouth. “Do you really need to keep up with news like that, Top? It’s not helping your mental health in the slightest.”

“I know, but… Remember the time when they banned colored ponies from using hair salons? I just… I just want to know ahead if something like that happens ever again, you know? I just don’t want to… sit here and get ambushed by legislation I had no idea about.”

Sky let out a sigh. “That’s true, but… What can you do even if you know about it in advance, other than prepare for the changes it will cause? It’s not like any of us can rewrite that law.”

…

“I don’t know,” Topaz finally said. “All I know is that this is not the life I wanted to live.”

Sky huffed, crossing her hooves across her chest. “Tell me about it. Constantly having to worry about getting caught for having color in my mane, having to dye it all the time, getting stressed out because of how it’s messing up my strands…”

“It’s not just that, Sky.” Sky looked at Topaz, whose eyes were shimmering from emotion. “I can’t be who I am in this world.”

“Top…”

“I’ve been living a lie for my entire life,” Topaz whispered. Her eyes were wide, and she was looking down at the floor. “I’ve had to live as someone who I’m not for twenty-three years. Twenty-three years of wearing this… This thin fabric of lies.”

Topaz turned to look at Sky. “I don’t want to live a lie.” A free tear trickled down her cheek. “I just want to be free, Sky. Why can’t I be happy with the way things are?”

Sky shuffled towards Topaz, extending her wings for a hug. Topaz gently pushed her away, and at Sky’s quizzical look, pointed to her mane. “Dye needs to be washed out.”

“…Right. Sorry,” was all Sky managed to say.

Topaz let her hoof limply fell to her side. She took in a shaky breath, and she curled up, hugging her legs against her. Another tear trailed down her cheek. “They keep making law after law, eating away at the things we feel safe with. So many ponies just simply couldn’t watch us having colors in our manes. Why wouldn’t they just let us be?”

“I don’t know, Top. I’m sorry I couldn’t tell ya,” Sky said, slowly rubbing Topaz’s back with her hoof.

Another shaky breath. Another teardrop. “We didn’t do anything wrong, did we?”

Sky shook her head. “We didn’t do anything wrong to them unless you count existing with colors in our manes as a crime. If anything, we’re committing wrongs against ourselves.”

“Why do they hate us, then? Why are they doing this? What do they have to gain by doing this?” Topaz sobbed as she looked up at Sky. Tears were now freely flowing down her cheeks. “No one sees me as who I am! I keep getting comments from my customers about my appearance, about how gray and monotone I am, and how good I look with the color scheme, I can’t even… Even try to correct them!”

“Top…”

“Because if I correct them, they’ll know who I am, and the moment they see who I am, I’ll…” Topaz trailed off, her eyes widening as her breath became ragged. “I’m going to lose everything I have,” she finished, whispering in fear.

“Top!”

Topaz snapped out of her trance, looking up at Sky with teary eyes, her breaths heavy. Sky put Topaz’s hoof in hers and gently squeezed it. When she spoke, her tone was soft and comforting. “No one’s going to take away the things you hold dear, okay? No one’s going to make you lose everything. I promise.”

Topaz took in a deep, shuddering breath, hiccupping as she stifled her sobs. “H-how do you know that? You… You hide who you are with dye too. How, how can you be so sure that they won’t… Won’t do that? What about- what about all th-those laws and bills and—”

“I think we can stop caring about those for now,” Sky interjected. “As to how I can be so sure… Honestly, I can’t. There’s nothing that helps me say, ‘I’m sure of that because of these reasons,’ but…” Sky took in a deep breath. “Things will get better at some point, I’m sure. That’s just how things work; they don’t get infinitely worse for an infinitely long time. While I can’t tell exactly when that would be, I can say it will happen someday.”

Topaz stared at Sky. Exhaustion covered her face, and her bloodshot eyes were dim and dull. “Would we even see it in our lifetimes? And even if we do… What would be the point if we don’t have anything left by that point?”

Sky hesitated, biting her lower lip as she struggled to come up with an answer. Eventually, she said, “We’ll have to wait and see. I sincerely hope things get better soon, just as much as you do. And really, until it does happen… We’ll just have to keep pretending, holding onto hope that things will improve for us someday, and just… Hiding who we are until the day comes. That’s the best I can give ya.”

Topaz stared at Sky, and Sky gazed back at her. No words were said—none needed to be. Sky could tell all too well what the tears streaming down her friend’s face, the shimmering mixture of emotions behind those gray eyes—fake gray eyes—and the trembling of her lips meant.

“I’m sorry,” was all Sky could whisper.

Topaz looked away without answering. She gazed out the window at the sky that was turning from a fiery orange to a dim purple with every passing minute. Through blurry eyes, she stared at the colors that painted the skies and tinted everything they touched with their hue.

Everything except her.

Her eyes flitted to the clock on the wall. 7:47 p.m. “I need to rinse my hair, I’ll be back,” she said as she stood up and headed to the bathroom.

Sky nodded. “Take your time, I’ll be here until you’re finished.”

Topaz didn’t say anything as she pushed the bathroom door shut behind her. Sky let out a sigh, then looked down at the bit of black hair dye that had gotten on her hoof. Must have gotten it on there when I was squeezing her shoulder, she mused as she clucked her tongue. It’s gonna wash away with time, anyway.

Topaz stood in front of the bathroom mirror. With her magic, she carefully pulled out the contacts from her eyes and put them in their container, then looked back up at the mirror again.

There she was. The mare with blue eyes. The mare with colors. The mare she was.

The mare she couldn’t be.

Topaz tore her gaze away and turned on the shower as she stepped into the stall. The stream heated up quickly, and soon scalding hot water was soaking her entire body. She closed her eyes as she let out a sigh.

The bathroom was silent save for the shower running and Topaz’s sniffles. Water swirled at Topaz’s hooves, the excess dye getting washed away in the torrent of hot water. The stall became stuffy, filled with steam that rose and swirled around the stall along with the steady flow of water stirring the air. Topaz kept her eyes closed and stood still. She didn’t want this moment to end.

Then she opened her eyes, and she saw the black water coursing past her legs and hooves.

Topaz raised a hoof and ran it through her mane. Black dye oozed out of her hair, swiftly getting washed away in the torrent gushing around her. She scrubbed her mane again, this time a little harder. More black water. Again, and again. Harder, even harder. Soon she was scrubbing away at her mane, trying as hard as she could to scrape out the black from her hair.

One hoof wasn’t enough. Topaz sank to the floor of the stall and began scratching her head with both her front hooves. Even harder she rubbed and scrubbed. Her forelegs ached, but she ignored the cries of her muscles. She wanted to get it out.

Topaz lowered her head. Tears began to fall down her face again. She didn’t mind it. Black dye mixing with water coursed down her face. It ran past her eyes, touching their edges before trickling down her cheeks and falling from her chin.

Topaz tugged and yanked at each lock of hair. It hurt. She didn’t care. It was better to hurt like this than to hurt on the inside. Teardrops poured down her face. She felt a burning sensation inside her. She wanted to pull that fire out and put it on her mane so she could burn her mask away.

But she couldn’t.

Slowly, the water turned grayer and lighter, before becoming completely clear. The dye stopped leaking from her mane. Topaz’s frantic pulls at her mane slowed, too, along with the liquid streaming down her face. The water continued to pour down on her. But it didn’t wet her face as much as it used to.

Wordlessly, Topaz turned the knob and shut off the stream of water. But she didn’t get up.

Once again, she wrapped her hooves around herself and curled up.

…

Sky wordlessly looked out the window, watching the sky slowly fade to black. The last colors of the sunset burned on the horizon, the final embers of fiery orange glowing their last rays.

Sniffles, then sobs.

Sky turned her head to the bathroom door. The sobbing didn’t stop. Her friend’s anguished cries penetrated the wooden barrier, flying through the air before punching a hole in Sky’s guts.

They twisted themselves into knots.

Sky got up from her spot on the floor, then walked to the bathroom door. She knocked twice. Sky heard nothing but strained sobs and hiccups.

“Top, I’m going in, okay?”

Still no answer. Nothing but the sounds of Topaz crying and trying to hold it back and failing miserably.

Sky pushed the door open. An intense cloud of steam greeted her as she walked in. She pushed the door close behind her and looked inside the shower stall.

There, on the floor, was her friend. On her side, her hooves wrapped around her chest, sniffling, tears flowing down her face.

Sky wordlessly stepped into the shower stall, then kneeled down. She stretched her wings, pulling Topaz into a gentle hug.

Topaz leaned into Sky, holding onto her and wrapping her arms around her. Her cries became harsher as she buried her face into Sky’s shoulder. All Sky could do was gently pat Topaz on the back.

“It’s going to be okay, Top… It’s all going to be okay…” Sky murmured in Topaz’s ear, rubbing her back.

Topaz didn’t answer. She only cried harder, clutching and clawing at Sky’s chest and back. Sky thought she seemed like she was drowning.

Maybe she was.

Sky’s eyes fluttered to life as bands of light danced across her eyelids.

The first thing she saw when she opened them was the sleeping face of Topaz Glow, propped on a pillow next to hers. Sky glanced around. The not-so-familiar grayscale landscape of the unicorn’s room came into view, memories flitting into her mind.

The window, with the shutters half open and letting sunlight flitter in—

“Are those… hair dye bottle and brush?”

Topaz’s desk, with the same dull grey tones as the bed sheets and the walls—

“So… What’s your story, Top?”

The foot of the bed with its wooden bedpost—

“Why do they hate us, then? Why are they doing this? What do they have to gain by doing this?”

Sky shook her head and looked at the clock. 6:17 am. Sky grunted, then relaxed. She still had time; she only needed to be at work by 9.

A whimpering sound came from her right, and she turned around to see Topaz’s asleep face once more. She could see dried-up tear stains on her cheeks. Stains that were being covered up by fresh tears.

Topaz tossed and turned as she tried her darndest to get out of the nightmare that had her in its vice grip. More tears joined the ones already gliding down her cheek as she squirmed, and her whimpers only grew in intensity.

Instinctively, Sky reached out a wing and held her tight. She gently rubbed Topaz’s back and whispered in her ear, “Shh… It’s okay, Top… I’m here, it’s going to be okay…”

Gradually, the crying and the tears died down, and Topaz’s expression became calm once more. She let out a small groan, then squirmed closer to Sky, snuggling deeper into her embrace. Sky reciprocated, holding Topaz tighter.

A small smile floated up to Topaz’s face. Sky reached up and gently brushed her mane out of her eyes. As she watched the smile grow wider, Sky wondered what Topaz was dreaming of.

Topaz stood in a grassy plain, a cool breeze blowing against her fur. Blades of grass that came up to her socks swayed in the wind, tickling against her legs. The ground was wet, a vivid reminder of the rainstorm Topaz had just gotten out of. The plain stretched out endlessly, and all Topaz could see around her was grass waving back and forth in the wind that billowed through the fields.

Far away, the Sun began to rise. Rays of light chased away shadows, illuminating the landscape in its golden shade and providing warmth to all that walked the land. Topaz looked behind her. Thunderclouds were rolling in the distance, lightning occasionally flashing underneath them. She paid them no mind; they weren’t going to come back to her.

Topaz looked down at herself. She was not the gray mare she was used to being; a bright pink hue covered her coat, and when Topaz held a lock of her mane up to her face, she saw the telltale orange color glinting off of it.

“Feels good to be colorful, doesn’t it?”

Topaz looked to her left. Sky hovered in the air, grinning at her unicorn friend. She, too, was no longer gray-and-white; shades of brilliant blue painted her mane and fur, and her white plumage shone brighter than Topaz had ever seen against her usual gray backdrop.

Topaz opened her mouth to speak. She had questions, so many of them, and she wanted to ask them all, but she couldn’t find the words for them.

Watching Topaz open her mouth only to close it, Sky giggled. “Relax, Top. It’s just you and me here. No need to worry about anyone else finding us like this here.”

“…Is this Elysium?” Topaz finally managed to ask.

Sky shrugged, then crossed her front legs across her chest. “Maybe? I don’t know. But hey, what does it matter? All I care about is the fact that no one is here to tell us who we should be.”

“True.”

…

“Hey, Top.”

Topaz looked at Sky. “Hm?”

Sky grinned at Topaz again. “Wanna race? Whichever one of us gets the Sun above her head first wins.”

Topaz blinked, then slowly grinned back at Sky. “You bet.”

Sky nodded, then braced herself. “Alright then. Ready.”

Topaz braced herself as well, digging her hooves into the earth. “Set.”

“Go!”

Both ponies galloped away, running alongside each other toward the Sun. The cool wind brushed through their manes and fur, bristling them and making their hair stand on end. Running alongside each other, Topaz looked at Sky, and Sky looked back at Topaz. Both of them were smiling. Through the winds caressing their skins, their smiles widened, then turned into laughter.

Topaz laughed and hollered as she ran through the fields, smiling and shouting without a care for the first time in forever. Her laughter echoed throughout the plains, even as she galloped away into the horizon.

At that moment, Topaz was free.

Author's Note

Once again, I give my thanks to Zenith Sky for brainstorming the story with me, to RubyDubious for volunteering to proofread and edit the mess that was the rough draft, and to Hivemind for drawing the cover art. This story would never be as good as it is right now with out all of your help.

Dedicated to my good friend Arachne, who's been there for me during the times I've needed someone the most, and gave me advice that I will be living by for however many decades to come. Thank you for everything.