Twilight Invents The Steam Engine

by CalmBreezes

Rating: teen
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Profanity, Random, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy
Length: 1007

She also burns down the treehouse library

Do ponies even need steam power?

A terrible mistake written for Bicyclette's second A Thousand Words contest in the 'Experimental' category, since there was no category for 'disaster'. Proofread by prayer.

Published 2023-06-20 12:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-06-20 12:00:00 UTC

The easy part was the fire

In retrospect placing a red hot brass container on a wooden table carved straight into the body of the tree she was inhabiting had been a less than an ideal action. Fire safety is no joke. Spike would know, but he's not complaining. Embers make for a good bed for a baby dragon and he was sleeping like one as their treehouse burned to cinders around him.

The problem with all your worldly possessions burning is trying to recollect what exactly was lost. Sure, Twilight could remember every single book that was currently burning into a pile of ashes, but what about everything else? Did she own a toothbrush? She must have. Looking at her reflection in the puddle illuminated by the light of the conflagration, she agreed with herself that she had very nice teeth. Dental hygiene was almost as important as fire safety, especially for a unicorn. Teeth were the third most important magical organ in a unicorn's body right after the spleen and the horn.

But what color had the toothbrush been? And how many rolls of floss had she owned? For something so important she never really did pay attention to the finer details of something so momentous. Flossing did not just prevent tooth decay, but also had a proven connection to preventing dementia in the twilight years of Twilight's years. Maybe the nice old couple next to her burning house would know something about this, she rarely had a chance to talk to them, but now as they ran around screaming for help as the fire engulfed their house she did. She wouldn't though. Whoever had invented roof thatching had obviously never been interested in experimental alchemy.

Twilight was never one to dwell on the past. It was time to move past this silly mistake and look to the future and stay positive. Like her clothing. She could not actually remember how many pieces of clothing she had owned and now lost, but it could not have been many. She very rarely wore clothes. Too bad about the winter saddle though, that had always been her favorite. Wonder why she had stopped wearing it. She should let Rarity know about the birthday dress, it might have just been a piece of pink cloth slapped together in five minutes, with a silly bow strung around the neck, but it had been a gift. And those are the most important things a pony could own. Wish she remembered what other presents had burned along with her treehouse.

The firefighters arrived. How nice. And who dared to claim public services in Ponyville were somehow lacking? Thank Celestia at least five ponies whose only reason to exist was to fight fires had been born or moved in to Ponyville at some point. If not for them the fire might spread all the way to the foal and filly hospital right next door to the old couple's house. Now that would be embarrassing. Wonder what happens in town without any ponies with firefighter cutie marks. They probably have a lot of ponies with insurance actuary cutie marks.

Too bad Rainbow Dash was on holiday. She sure could use some rain right about now. That was always the danger with completely stagnant weather that needed full time professionals to control it. A single strike and the entire years harvest could be lost thanks to a drought. Or an incompetent weather team could drown entire cities if they wanted to. It's a miracle nothing bad ever happened with ponies having complete and utter control of the weather around Equestria. She never did find out how other nations dealt with the lack of changing weather. Or was it just Equestria? Did ponies choose to actively live in an area with no weather, or did their presence somehow stop weather from functioning? If it did, what other kinds of unseen horrors beyond rational thought did their presence have on this land? Was this all a never-ending nightmare?

Oh Twilight, Twilight thought, stop questioning things. This is why Celestia was so adamant about having her write every single independent thought and interaction with other ponies she had on parchment and magically send them to her to be archived for all eternity. She probably had every single other unicorn do it as well who posed any kind of threat to her rule. Can't have powerful rogue unicorns running around the dimensions plotting her downfall after all.

The heat of the flame was starting to make her drowsy. Good thing it was just her and Spike in that treehouse during the unfortunate event. No secondary characters or pets thrown in haphazardly who would be forgotten in times of terrible danger. The cold gravel under her hooves look inviting, but that would be silly. It was just as good of a place to sleep as any, but as soon as the fire was extinguished it would be too cold to sleep on. Besides, she'd probably have a house by the time she woke up tomorrow morning. No pony in Ponyville was homeless.

Even Pinkie, slaving away as an unpaid assistant in the kitchen of Sugarcube Corner, had a spacious loft to sleep in, and even a secret Pinkiecave to spread party joy around the town. Did the Cakes know about it? Or did Pinkie go around digging secret caves and tunnels around town? That was creepy. Almost as creepy as an all powerful alicorn invading their dreams every night to protect them from nightmares, their minds open to unhindered observation and monitoring. Oh Twilight, another seditious thought. Better take out the whip of harmony and beat those naughty thoughts out as soon as she miraculously found a new place to live in.

As the steam from extinguishing the fire rose above the destroyed treehouse and sparkled beautifully in the moonlight, Twilight's last thoughts were about how much Trixie sucks. The stupid asshole didn't even live in a house. What a loser. Fuck Trixie.

Your faithful student,
Twilight Sparkle.