Chapter 6: The Heart always fails when you need it most Part 1

Waking up, I could never really get used to this now could I? What was I doing this time? Looking to my side I noticed I was in my bed, just like the night before but noticed my horn felt weird. I felt weaker than usual if that made sense, it was like I was cut off from my main magic, I could just barely see things before me and tried to get up feeling someone lightly push back down on me. Looking up my vision just cleared, I could see something vaguely white like an angelic figure before me sat an Alicorn woman. The woman was an oddity, It felt weird to even say that she was off putting. There was nothing in her that could be seen as such, just a gentle soul. Her voice carried a pure authority that not even Daybreaker could fathom.

"You're one interesting child. You suffer in a body not your own, yet you try your best to defy the fate that you were dealt when arriving on this plane. Such an interesting child you have called upon, a lost soul, a former human and now the future friend of an Empress, your future is unclear even to one such as me, I see little reason to keep you long but I will aid you for the kindness you have shared friend." She waved one hand, my pain vanished in a second, the fresh feeling through my body welled up., my blade seemed to come to me in a moments notice he/she I wasn't truly sure, looked confused but smiled none the less.

The next few moments were all but a blur, but I can vaguely hear her words even now as I look out the window "You young ash, take care of your soul before you give your heart out, one cannot love and care for others without loving themselves first." Waking from my dream, shooting up from my bed, doctors rushed into the room and tried to ease me, but I was rather annoyed with this doctor crap. I was about to knock one of them out before bursting into the room was Autumn blaze followed by Chrysalis and Adagio, though in their disguises I hoped that Autumn couldn't see through them.

The bed's restraints had been coupled with a few mages on standby, I was more than miserable at this point stuck in this hellish form, this body not my own, a mind and land not my own and not to mention I still had no idea how to get home, I could feel those claws grip and tear at my mind with each passing day I was becoming....normal. I was becoming more pony than human and that terrified me, to the behest of some doctors reassuring me all I could imagine was the sinking feeling that this wasn't the truth and that this was all some dream once again. I could only imagine the bloody body I was getting more used to, the feeling that I would lose my humanity and worst of all lose my life. I can't begin to fathom this and yet my mind was rushed with it over and over time after time.

In my mind I could see it, not some flame nor some cold but a corpse of a thousand words. This corpse spoke no truths nor did it tell me a riddle but all it did was tell of my past, my mistakes, the burning reminders I sit with every day. The world around me turned to ashes, the flames of my mistakes burning bright with the hatred I felt. The world vanished in a puff of smoke, next was my turn and I could feel the burning sensations rise in and out of my gut. Today was the day wasn't it? That time when I became less than human. The cold feeling of the corpse beneath my hands, my hands clenched tight on the arm of the man below me, the paramedics urging me to let go from my friend and to let things be, I was the one who had to sit in the waiting room those moments almost an eternity following the second I could only bare to see the body of my friend, their lifeless corpse before me, twisted and mangled like nothing seen. I couldn't help but wonder if I was going mad, if this was a true problem or was it just in my head playing games with my soul?

From this moment forward my mind was a mess, I could barely tell what was even going on except that constant beeping sound. I could feel my heartbeat quicken and then shoot up drastically with my eyes opening, my body shuddered to life with my hands feeling more like a sheet of ice than flesh. I wasn't sure if that dream was even more a illusion than reality, what was the point in all this torture? I had to sleep in this body, bathe it, treat it as my own flesh and blood and nothing came from this only my own frustration, I hated my flesh.

From this reality, came the realization that I was stuck not just with this body but with this growing thing I could call my life, what would I do with this I wasn't sure but I had no idea how to go forward every door seemed closed just as before just as then and nothing seemed to fit. That damned reflection, I hated it. The same stallion that awoke in bed, going through the motions giving the same damned smile to those he considered his friends, those he grew to enjoy being around and those he wished to care for.

The next moments were all a flash before I found myself bound to the floor beneath me, stored I imagine deep underground by the feeling in the air alone the same feeling as a heatwave and rain mashed together. From the darkness a voice called to me but this voice sounded like me, Cadence, my friends, my family, everyone all at once its tone clearly annoyed yet passive "The universe dumps the soul of a future madman into my domain and expects me to grant you some sort of answer? Pfft, what rubbish those fools above claim to know of, you're no saint and I'm no devil, You child are merely a vessel for this soul you wield and for that you must be given the proper time to acclimate don't you think?" The black creature reached with one its gangly limbs, covered with blood and covered in blisters like a diseased animal. The hand grasped my head before my eyes clenched tight awaiting that swift end until a slice came, not at my throat or head but into my chest, from this tendrils of pure black grasped and pulled themselves into my body, the pain was unimaginable but yet I was alive by this mad being's design and chosen for this pasture.

The black hands of the mass pulled away, The hands this time vanished as it cackled, coughing in the midst of this laugh, the enjoyment clear in its tone as it spoke "Now? You're as cursed as those accursed "Immortal" Alicorns, you will see how fruitless your struggle is in this coming age friend, you will understand how it is to be like the bloody empress, the slayer of the moon, the world ender of the sun and the purple mare burdened with death's very touch. You will see how life cannot exist without sacrifice and learn the hard way your place in such a world my dear friend" The voice cackled once more, this time a large tongue I think slithered onto my face and lathered me with juices, pulling back and with a snap I awoke once again.

The words I heard, the swarming mass in my gut threatening to spill out before me? I couldn't comprehend the pain and yet all I could feel was the sneaking suspicion this wasn't the last time I would be tormented, there was much to come I imagine.

***

I could feel my day coming close, I could feel the cold touch of the blade before me, today was the day I'd "recovered" but I hide it well I hoped, I didn't want to burden those around me with this problem. A voice shot me out of my stupor, this one was as sweet as honey and just as enjoyable, Cadence. The radiant woman before me could only smile as she walked up to me I in return gave her a small smile she seemed to not notice anything wrong so I did my best to be the friend she wanted.

"How's it going Cadence? Hope you're having a good day, I'm sorry that I got out of the hospital again, Honestly I'm stumped as to why these things keep happening, feels like I should I hire a doctor to live with me at this point honestly" I sighed, shaking my head at this, she could only chuckle in response, before flicking my head.

"Oh don't pish posh it Eon, you're a human and as you have said this body is not one you're used to so who knows what the extent of your complications could be in the future?" She smiled brightly, good to see her being hopeful for her friend, wished I could have the same hope for myself sometimes. The two of us could only give each other a smile before something snapped her from her stupor "Oh yes! I did have something to do today and well I was going to ask if you wished to meet someone rather special to me, Here she comes actually, she can be so impatient sometimes!" The woman sighed, seemingly more amused at this than annoyed. Before long, a woman of rather astounding stature stood before me, like Cadence although very different than I imagined. She was a bright purple and although a good foot taller than myself she wasn't very imposing, she was covered in dazzling gems from head to toe in an odd attire, if I had to make a comparison it would be like something you'd see in one of those high school anime's.

The bright purple Alicorn looked rather confused at Cadence before speaking, she seemed young, younger than Cadence I think but honestly sounded older and give her more buxom frame I wouldn't be shocked if she was honestly. I preceded to create a bit of dialogue, I didn't like sitting in silence, especially with the days I've had "Oh well, Hello Miss I hope Cadence isn't too much of a bother, name's Eon, Cadence's royal friend if you will" I held out a hand to the woman but she didn't seem to grasp it but smiled none the less.

"Oh I've heard a bit about you but my name's Twilight, I'd never consider her a bother Mr. Eon she's been my best friend for ages now honestly sometimes I need her more than she needs me, I get a bit too into it as she sometimes says but I'm not entirely sure what she means by that"

Cadence rolled her eyes at this comment "Oh quit being so modest Twilight we both know you and your books have a special relationship when it comes to how long you've spent deep in them, honestly You should marry some of them the way you go into it" Twilight only groaned at this before her wings flexed.

"Quit it! I already have Izzy and Sunny to tease me about my schedule as is, I don't need you to and Its not a "Special relationship" I just love to read!" The alicorn seemed more amused than annoyed but the two seemed to bicker like sisters more than friends, it was cute honestly. It was kind of cartoonish how they bickered but that must've just been a trick of the eyes.

Turning to twilight she looked at me rather confused "So I'm hopeful this isn't rude of me but you're the only human right? When Cadence told me of such a thing I wanted to really see something like that for myself, I've never heard of your kind and I was hoping if you could answer a few questions for me if that's ok?" Being reminded of myself, didn't help my mood but I couldn't falter around them, not now nor ever. I nodded with a smile "Sure Miss Twilight, if you don't mind having some time out of your day today then I'd be glad to answer your questions."

She nodded excitedly and bounced a bit while shaking my hand with a bright smile, to which Cadence chuckled at the sight and I could only settle myself after being thrown around a bit much like a toy, after a bit of recollecting I couldn't help but feel this strange sense of sadness come over me, I wasn't sure but in a snap I made the choice to make a small excuse and leave.

I wasn't sure myself of what this was but what I knew was the reminders, the feeling that I'd never get home, that ache to see my family, my friends, my home. I was sure that over these past few weeks and nearly 4 months in I've become friends with Sunset, Starlight, Cadence and De Fluer to some extent but was I really sure about this life? My whole existence plucked into a magical land filled with beings I could never truly relate to, sure I wore their skin but I was never a pony, I was a human.

My mind was a mess and I knew it, I couldn't hope to keep my facade up forever, to play the friendly guy who welcomed and enjoyed the company of the staff, from my thoughts a clapping of shoes behind me broke me from my stupor before me was a smaller mare, long and pink hair full of locks to the very edges as she looked to me shyly I meekly responded "M-Miss? May I ask if you're alright are you lost?"

The mare seemed confused but only gave a tiny whisper "I'm not lost..." She appeared rather young, maybe a teenager? This mare was a confusing person to say the least, I sat in one of the chairs near the balcony I was at and awaited her to which she softly sat down as well.

"Miss I don't mean to barge but were you listening in on me and I'm sorry if you heard anything distressing please don't alert the staff or cadence I just...want to be left alone, I think, not really sure anymore...." She seemed to get the idea but rather than leave she gently spoke "I-I....I don't mean to barge as well Mr. but....well when I hear anypony who feels the way you do? I can't help but want to help them feel better...I'm not entirely sure myself but I'm more attuned to emotions than most and I just wanted to ask...a-are you ok?"

I wasn't sure if I wanted to answer, was I really ok? I knew in my heart that I wasn't and that I was more or less contemplating my own existence in this new land but was that really a bad thing for me? I wasn't sure anymore, not in the least confused about who I was or what I was in this new world and if my memories of my family and friends would remain or be replaced and I'd just be another pony. This would never be easy I'd imagine.

"I won't be unfair and say that I'm doing chipper if anything, I'm doing horrible. I'm lost in a land I don't know, I have no idea what or who I am, I don't know if I belong in this castle aided by those I can call friends, treated as a royal friend, I just don't know if I deserve such a thing as luxurious when so many have no means of money, friends, family or even a home."

We both sat in silence for a few moments before the timid yellow mare spoke "I'm not entirely s-sure what you're going through....you sound alone and in need on comfort but I can say this Mr?" To which I said Eon "Eon.....You may find yourself alone in such a land but you must believe that there is a reason you're here, any of us are here for one reason or another, I can't fix your problem and tell you everything will be ok tomorrow or the next day, I can only say that...you deserve what you've been given even if you don't believe it yourself. You deserve to live."

I sat with a lump in my throat, nodding, the smaller mare gave a small smile and promised we'd talk again if by chance again but she had to get back to her friend rainbow and make sure she wasn't destroying more of the Empress's gym equipment. I gave a small smile in return and a silent thank you, the mare nodded before departing and those words sat in my head for a while. I couldn't help but wonder if what she said was true, maybe I wasn't destined for luxury or some lavish extreme life but I deserved to live I was sure of....I just wasn't sure of what I am and who I was to be.

Maybe my day would get better, at least that is what I hoped. My name, what was that? Was it Eon or was it Alexander? Was my name just another piece of me gone to the wayside in this new world or could I truly be me? The stallion in the mirror or the human withering on the inside. During the day I began to wander the city, something of late I hadn't done and noticed a music night was going on soon at this pub nearby, It was interesting and all things considered one or two drinks wouldn't hurt with an excitement I had thought lost long ago I prepared myself for such a time. Cadence was a bit confused why I would want to go to a pub but I had told her it was just to get more used to the city as a whole, I couldn't be stuck in the castle all the time right?

***

When night came I was quick to get my Chrysalis and Adagio interested, they hadn't had a drink themselves in a while so we'd have a hang out tonight and I had a sneaking suspicion they'd be interested in what I had planned. From the moment we entered the pub I wasn't shocked at the crowd that had appeared but it looked more like a modern pub than something you'd see in those medivial tv show, clean bars and oddly nice staff and seemingly a happy group of people all around and tonight was the karaoke night and I wasn't the most outgoing but tonight i felt like I could say what I felt in a bit of a song and maybe people would like it?

I waited patiently and thought I wouldn't do it honestly, felt less courageous now that it was time but with a lump in my throat I got onto stage with those eyes watching me...I couldn't help but freeze up but that deep part in me seemed to get started.

So here we go, we're walking on
Side by side and arm in arm
I stand to count the disappearing dreams
But through the fog my friends are what I see

Fog seemed to accumulate around the stage without even me seeing it, almost like I called upon it at will but at the time all I could think about was telling how I felt, this other me seemed to be in the driver seat.

You're on the path that you seem to know
But you don't know where to go,
and from the darkness it seems to be,
that there's another me!

Chrysalis had mentioned that just as the fog peered from the room this sense of darkness and dread overcame some of the crowd some even seemed scared but all the more calm with the words from my mouth.

Just let it out, bloodthirsty shouts
You stab my heart when you let out those awful cries
stay with me, I want you to show me the world through your eyes
The answer that you wish to see
I have discovered that it was right inside of me
Learn the tactics and reach the end
You must learn to fly higher game!

Step after step, I try to carry on
But arm in arm together we are strong
I reached my dreams, and watched them slip away
But all my friends I found are here to stay

Adagio told me that a vague mirage of the empress, me, sunset, them, autumn and starlight all shimmered with brilliant colors flooding the stage beneath my feet.

I feel so lost, as I walk down this road,
even though its so familiar,
And from the darkness that is coming in,
another me is born!

Just let it out, bloodthirsty shouts
And let it pierce right through this small broken heart of mine
come along, I want you to see with your eyes instead of mine

Inside your heart, you'll find the truth
Nobody else can answer your questions for you
But only if our goal's the same
Can we win life's harsh cruel game!

Just let it out, bloodthirsty shouts
You stab my heart when you let out those awful cries
stay with me, I want you to show me the world through your eyes

With every mention of this other me, my world became more and more dim my eyes seemed to reflect this as Chrysalis noted my eyes turning a dark shade purple, like something else was in control entirely.

Inside your heart, you'll find the truth
Nobody else can answer your questions for you
Learn the tactics, and reach the end
You must learn to fly higher game,
So we can win life's harsh cruel game!

(Lyric by Aden Music for Kaiwata Sekabi)

The second the song ended, my world exploded back into view and I stood there rather confused myself until the cheers of the crowd blasting into my ear drums, it was rather embarrassing and even some of the mares giving me sultry looks did put me in a rather odd spot to say the least. Some of the staff even congratulated me on a well job done. From the crowd three...no four figures stumped me, Nightmare Moon, Daybreaker, Cadence and even that young lady twilight, clear as day and even as the crowds bowed the voice of the sun broke me from my stupor "I do hope that isn't all you have young one, I had my hopes up you'd be fumbling about but seems there is more to you than just being a friend to our empress of love~" That drew a flaming hot flush to my face, she had me cornered in just a few words and I wasn't sure what to do but as if by some unseen hand my eyes glazed over and that other me, took over.

La ta ta ta ta
We're in an endless fantasy

Wonder why I can't satisfy
Overnight, feeling like I'm dying
Everything is in my grasp, this world I hold it in my hands
I've got, I've got only my bones

In my vision, my own limbs looked like bones, boney fingers crackling together just nicely with a crunch or here the mood I hoped to set, one of despair and one of revere.

Oh, I'm crying to the darkest sky
There's no light in this lonely night
There's nothing I want no more
But even then somehow I
Can't stop getting all (oh)

To the fortress above, lies glory and gold
Soon we will watch as our future unfolds
Through all the ruins, I'll live like a corpse
I'll keep up this undying hope
Just give me more power

Roll the dice, we'll take a chance
And live out through this dance
Stuck in this endless nightmare
Madness keeps us in a trance
Give into all your sins and dance the night away
Even in our emptiness, our pride will stray
Ba ba da da da da

For this with one motion, I had seemingly drawn cadence to the stage she followed me in this dance to the amazement of the stallions and the ire of the mares, a quiet duo, one of grace and following the other in each others hand safe and alone, to some.

La ta ta ta ta
We're in an endless fantasy
La ta ta ta ta
Come on now hurry don't you see
La ta ta ta ta
We're in an endless fantasy
La ta ta ta ta
The ground is breaking beneath
I can't help from falling down

In my site, I can't see no life
Hold me tight, I won't be alright
If what I wish just won't come true
Then this is what I'll do
I can't stop getting mad, oh

Letting go of Cadence she seemed rather confused, my hands letting go of her waist softly she seemed a bit annoyed I had stopped before I softly put my hand up in a quiet manner, getting the motion she exited the stage quickly with the band in the background giggling like school girls.

I don't know how to be a king
I wander all over the world aimlessly
The dreams that I seek, all in my sleep
It's taking control over me
Don't give me more power

My horn shined brilliantly, flowing with power my beet red eyes flowing with pure magic from the expression alone some seemed a bit scared even as the cloak of magic formed over my body.

Close up your lungs cause' now we're gonna drown
Lose your mind to the madness, now we'll take the throne and crown
Come and we'll let waves wash us all away
Even if our pride and greed eats us we'll say
Ba ba da da da da

Even when there's a little chance of hope
It's so far away like the stars in my sight
I'm never gonna reach em but just know I'm gonna throw
My hand up to the sky

Just give me more power

Grab onto me and dance now endlessly
Chase after hollow hunger even when we're on our knees!

From the crowd, with a motion of my hand I brought them up with mere words alone, all of them cheering for a moment before I snapped my fingers and in my hands two dice fell onto a table as The voice in me continued.

Roll the dice, we'll take a chance
And live out through this dance
Stuck in this endless nightmare
Madness keeps us in a trance
Give into all your sins and dance the night away
Even in our emptiness, our pride will stray
Ba ba da da da da

La ta ta ta la
We're in an endless fantasy
La ta ta ta la
Come on now hurry don't you see
La ta ta ta la
We're in an endless fantasy
La ta ta ta la
The ground is breaking beneath
I can't help from falling down

(Hollow hunger: Lyrics by Dangle on Yt, go check him out bois!)

To emphasize my point I even fell off the stage, using magic to catch myself effortlessly. The crowd seemed quiet for a moment as I ended with some confusion and some with stars in their eyes, the crowd erupted into cheers with some shouting that I should settle down the Empress after that, that seemed to snap me out of it with a bright red flush on my face and repeated denial, despite my efforts I never saw those four, they seemingly left after my little performance. My night was filled with drinks and praise from both stallions and mares even some asking me to come by again. I would consider it, whatever was in me seemed satisfied for now but I wasn't sure if I had it in me to keep it going for that long again, my throat was a bit strained after all.

The morning after was a bit more lively than I expected with some glances from the staff who had seemingly heard of my singing and the fact that I had done the tango with Cadence with dozens to see, some gave me confusion and some gave me a bit of ire as if it was sacrilege to do so. To be fair I'd guess it wasn't a common sight to see royalty dance with the commoners but I hoped it wasn't much of a affair to Cadence.

The morning seemed more bright than I had expected, maybe what that young mare had said was coming to fruition. Maybe just a little at a time was all I needed. hopefully that pain in my chest, the feeling I got when before a storm would steer me the other way.

END of Part 1

Author's Note

Ok so I DEEPLY apologize for the lack of uploading, I completely understand if some of you find this chapter cheesy and as always any critique is welcome. I hope the little bits of romance are enough because going forward I want to develop this friendship between cadence and our hero deeper, not romantically but you'll see. Anywho I apologize for the lack of updates I've been busy and haven't had the best of motivation but some comments got me back into the swing of things!