Trixie Bombs

by danatron1

Rating: teen
Tags: Starlight Glimmer, Trixie, Comedy, Princess Celestia, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1005

Trixie is invited to dinner with Celestia. She accidentally brings high explosives.

After being stood up by Starlight and Trixie, Twilight arranges a do-over dinner with Celestia. Twilight insists that everything go perfectly this time.

Starlight promised it will. Unfortunately, Trixie has a firework on her head.

Written to be exactly 1000 words for the 1000 word contest (Comedy). Winner of Bicyclette's judge's prize.

Cover image made by me. Thanks again to SpoonierThanThou and Steady Gaze for pre-reading. Rated teen for references to bombs and potential death.

Featured 24/06/23

Translations: Ukrainian

Published 2023-06-24 16:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-06-24 16:10:00 UTC

No Third Prances

"That's, what, the third time you've ruined Twilight's plans? I've got some catching up to do" Starlight teased as she walked me through the streets of Canterlot. "Seriously though, I'm amazed she's giving us another chance. You know what Twilight's like; she barely gave you your last chance."

Exactly, Twilight wanted more of me. "After enough disasters, ponies forget the individual events. They roll into one," I explained, as an expert in making frenemies. "It's endearing, really."

"It's endearing to me, you great and powerful gremlin." Starlight playfully bumped into me. Everyone found me lovable, Starlight was just the only one to admit it. "Promise me no 'Moonshot Manticore Mouth-dives' this time?"

"Oh he was a rental," I assured her.

"You're lucky no kids were watching. You never would've gotten away with almost killing yourself during a show for foals," Starlight reminded. "You know I love your antics, Trix, but this is dinner with Celestia. Twilight wants to prove I'm learning friendship, and I do too. Be on your best behaviour, okay?"

She was beginning to sound like Twilight, although I could tell this was important to her. "Fine, for you Starlight. I promise."

"Welcome, come on in!" Twilight beckoned us from the door, wearing a forced smile of composure.

Twilight leaned towards my ear, "This dinner is extremely important to me Trixie. The princess has graciously given you a second chance, so keep your... Trixieness under control! No getting into trouble, okay?"

"Relax Twilight, Trouble was a rental."

Twilight stared at me inquisitively.

Reaching the dining hall, I was awestruck. Stage setting was all about sending a message, and Celestia knew how to send a message of importance. Artwork and tapestries decorated every wall of the dining hall, and surrounding each plate was more cutlery than I'd ever owned. A comically oversized soup bowl crowned the table's centrepiece, and Princess Celestia herself sat waiting for me. She spared no expense preparing an extravagant three-course meal. Perhaps befriending Twilight had its perks. First impressions were everything, and for Starlight, I would set a good one. I claimed the closest seat to Celestia.

"Miss Lulamoon, is it?" Celestia greeted. She knew of me? What was I saying; of course she did. "I look forward to getting to know the new friend of Twilight's pupil. I believe we tried to book your show for Prince Blueblood's function."

I recoiled slightly in surprise. "Trixie assumed those were spam."

Something felt... off. My hat was shifting abnormally, feeling heavier than normal. Almost as if it were- oh.

Ohh.

That hat.

The hat with the bomb in it.

The hat I'd prepared to explode as the finale for an upcoming performance.

The firework hat.

I looked at Twilight, doing my best to signal "I'm not trying to assassinate the ruler of Equestria or anything, but I think I'm rigged to blow" with discrete hoof motions. She simply stared back, silently screaming with her eyes. Turning, I saw Celestia looking down at me, confused, like I'd just answered a question with a funny robot dance.

Judging by her expression, I did, and she was still expecting an answer.

I hadn't been paying attention, had I?

"Oh yes, absolutely!" I shot in the dark.

"No no, we're just friends, your highness," Starlight interjected, "...I think."

Celestia rose. "I'm... going to check the entrée. Please, dig in, don't wait for me."

Perhaps if I simply pretend nothing is wrong, nothing will go wrong? I was the first to light my horn and pick up a ladle. Big mistake.

The fuse lit.

I dropped the ladle, but it was too late. A giant hissing firework perched atop my head. I was great, but not deathless. This was bad. I needed to think fast, do something to extinguish the fuse. Starlight had grabbed my ladle, and began pouring me a bowl of soup. In that moment, my great and powerful mind came up with a plan. I am a genius!

Starlight, with observation skills as sharp as a spoon, was still lecturing me; "Careful, Trix, we want to make a good first impression. Try not to get any soup on your hat."

Maintaining eye contact, I decisively enacted my plan. In one graceful motion, I yanked off my hat and slam-dunked it straight into the soup bowl.

The red liquid sloshed against the sides, leaping out of the bowl as my hat sank unceremoniously to the bottom.

Starlight, unaware of the bomb, slow-blinked at me while mouthing the word "What." She stared, slack-jawed, like I'd just morphed into Queen Chrysalis herself. A wall-eyed Twilight, splattered with soup, was speechless in disbelief, her mind in another dimension. I nervously grinned, looking sheepishly between the two.

Starlight's eyes glared daggers through my body, pinning me in place as she reconsidered every choice she'd ever made up until this point. Her confusion melted into an infernal wrath. She glared, challenging me to find one place in Equestria where I'd be safe from the blinding energy charging in her horn.

Perhaps my plan wasn't perfect. Still, I'd prevented-

KABOOM

Mount Appetizer erupted, a pillar of soup coating every inch of the room. Crystal decorations shattered, the table collapsed, and fragments of bowl rocketed in all directions. Crackling sparkles rained down, celebrating the chaos.

A souped-up Starlight was frozen in disbelief. Twilight, absolutely lost in the sauce, fainted.

Celestia rushed back into the room. She looked from the painted walls, to the obliterated table, then finally to me. She stared curiously, her face betraying some amusement. If I could collapse into a black hole right now, that would be ideal.

I looked to Starlight for help, but got none. My mind reeled faster than a starving fisherman, grasping at straws that weren't there. Celestia and Starlight briefly shared an incredulous grin. The Judge and Jury then turned to face me, demanding an explanation for why was soup dripping from the ceiling.

I stammered out the only excuse I could think of;

"I am... reeeeally clumsy."