Chapters The first thing I noticed as soon as I could feel that I existed, was that my head hurts like hell, and that I wished that I couldn’t feel that I existed or existed at all. The second thing, I am laying on something incredibly smooth, almost like crystals. Lastly, something is laying on top of me, and it’s kinda heavy and squishy. My eyes shot open and I immediately shot to my feet. “Well, I’m still not human…” I whispered. In fact, I was still the same, stupidly colored yellow furred, black maned pegasus with an ass tattoo of a watch. The thing on top of me let out and ‘oof’ when I pulled out from under it.
Low and behold, it was Starlight fucking Glimmer. You know, I could be mad, and I am, but I don’t think Starlight knew that she would become a fucking gravity well while performing some sort of time travel spell. “Aight you asshole, you’re gonna take an extra minute of your time to send me back in time. I had a girlfriend I was hoping to marry and a pet I was hoping to take care of.” I hummed. “Actually I think Blaze might still be around, but I don’t think Luna… is. Oh hi ladies!” So me and Starlight were laying on a table, a round one with some sorta star on it. And there were six chairs.
Now get this, in those six chairs, there were six mares. Accompanying those mares was some sort of lizard. They were all staring at me like I wasn’t covered in hair. Also there was a purple one that was an alicorn… Does that mean she’s the new ruler? She’s pretty runt-shaped for an alicorn if Luna and Celestia were anything to go by. Also did that mean Luna was dead? “Hey guys, do any of you have any idea where Everfree City is? I have somewhere to be, and it’s called under Luna’s wing while watching her plan out the night sky for winter.”
“Starlight, what did I say about messing with time travel?” The purple one asked.
“Not to do it.” Starlight answered with a groan, finally sitting up. “Now I know not to. My head hurts like hay… Oh buck…” Her eyes widened when her eyes fell on me.
“So can I go home? Or is that just not an option?”
“Who even is this guy? Can’t be anypony too important if everything is still completely normal after he was pulled into the present with Starlight,” the Skittles colored one waved a dissmissitory hoof towards me. Wow, I’m glad I am so important that I’m probably not in any history class books
“Hi, I’m Bald Ostrich, once a consort, and coltfriend, of Princess Luna, fought in the Battle of Everfree City, made Luna make some sexy sounds. You know, minor things. I was learning how to make rainbows by flying really fast, I got to make one, but I wanted to learn the exact speed at which I need to be going in order to do so. And without nearly breaking my wings; they’re still sore from doing that.”
“Wait, Bald Ostrich? As in Luna’s consort that went missing a year before she turned into Nightmare Moon?” Purple asked.
“Holy shit…” I think Luna may actually be dead. “Can you actually send me back right this instant? I could’ve stopped-”
“I think if we sent you back, you might mess with our time; you were supposed to go missing or die according to the history books. On another topic… Luna would be happy to see her long lost coltfriend again.” What? “I don’t think you would’ve known; alicorns were quite the mystery back then… But alicorns have very prolonged lifespans. Princess Celestia is still alive, and so is Princess Luna. They live in Canterlot now, the current capital city, but they’re still alive and don’t age.” Huh, I think I heard somebody talk about that place when I first came to Equestria… Fuck, Golden Delicious is long dead, and so is Crab Apple. I never even got to see them again.
“So that just leaves Blaze…” I rubbed my chin. “Well, if you can let Luna know that I do, in fact, exist, then that would be nice. I hope she’s doing alright; did you know that Luna was demonized to all hell? Like straight up, if Celestia is seen as the bringer of everything good in Equestria, Luna was seen as the bringer of everything that’s apparently bad. Like death, disease, I read that plagues were somehow Luna’s fault . Like ponies in the past were fucked up and downright awful towards her, which is probably why she became Nightmare Moon in the first place.”
“The… story book just says Luna was jealous! How can you-”
“I was literally alive at the time. I’ve seen propaganda that painted Luna in a terrible light. I wanted to kill somebody because Luna would often hear of what’s said about her and cry into my fucking shoulder because of it. I know this is wild to believe, but Luna is a fully functioning adult that can, and is capable of dealing with her own jealousy. Yeah, she was jealous of her sister for being so fucking tall, but she never let that make her evil. No, she was made out to be something demonic, so she became a demon.” I tapped my chin a couple times.
“So have you heard of Kitsunes? Had one as a friend, would be nice to know if they went extinct or not; I wanna know because apparently those fuckers can live forever.”
“Those still exist, but they live very far away from here. I know of a Kumiho in the Everfree forest that’s been guarding a specific room in the Castle of the Two Sisters. It chases off just about anypony that tries to get into that room to try and loot it. It’s a few hours of walking. I tried to study it, but the thing always chased me off, or simply disappeared before I could go and talk to it.” Huh. I simply chuckled.
“What?”
“Imma tell you what I told Starlight, your highness, Kumihos will, at a minimum, murder you. If you were actually contacting a Kumiho, you would be dead seven ways to sunday. That’s at a minimum. They will skin you alive for fun if they’re bored enough. You’re lucky I have an idea of who you are talking about; we’re gonna have a visitor coming at any moment now.” I hopped off the table. “I’m gonna go stretch my wings and hopefully get a good, long look at Ponyville. Starlight told me about it and like, it wasn’t a thing a thousand years ago.”
“Wait!” Rainbow opened and raised a hoof. “You’re a pegasus.” Thank you, captain obvious. “And you’re kinda new to Ponyville… wanna have a race?”
“Hmm… Meh, fuck it. I’ll probably lose. I’m down.”
This is not what I signed up for. Why the fuck is half of town out here to watch me get my ass kicked? Sure, I went on that flying training arc, but I don’t think I’m gonna win. On one hand, I am pretty fast, on the other, I fucking suck at turning. I sat on my ass, just staring at everyone while Rainbow was off gloating about how she’ll probably win. “Alright, Ostrich, are you ready for me to kick your butt?”
“Prefer just being called Ostri.”
“Ostri. Because I’m feeling generous, all you have to do is make one trip around the outskirts of Ponyville. I have to do it three times,” Rainbow said with the smuggest little smirk. Great, she’s one of those bitches. Cocky asshole.
“Aight bet,” I got up to the starting line with her. “Good luck, Skittles.”
“My name is Rainbow Dash!”
“Cool. Eat shit,” and the Pink one finally decided to countdown and have us begin. Somehow I was neck and neck with Rainbow, and she was kinda shocked by that. Like she actually did a fucking double take when she noticed that I was keeping up with her. There was no way I could actually talk to her at this speed, so I figured it would be hella fucking funny to just make a rainbow to finish the race. I often did lose some ground whenever I had to turn or bank(Rainbow was a natural; she had some right in being as cocky as she is), but I was fast enough to make up for those turns, and I was picking up altitude in order to perform that rainboom. Though one lap is all I needed to win, so Rainbow really did just fuck herself. Even if she was technically a better flier than I was on pure maneuverability.
I could get her a dildo if those are a thing.
After I got high enough, Rainbow completed her first lap, so I started zooming down, faster, and faster, and faster. I could literally feel my wings burning from over exertion; I am going to feel that one tomorrow. One thing led to another, and boom rainbow. A wave of colors blew through the air as I broke the sound barrier… I think. I never really got to measure how fast I was going. Then I won the race thanks to Rainbow fucking herself over. I skidded to a stop on the ground, slowing down just enough… It was a really cool landing.
Until my face planted into the ground. Ow.
“Sweet Celestia…” I sat back up and shook the dizziness out of my head. “I don’t think I’ve seen anypony other than Rainbow Dash do a sonic rainboom…” Twilight was standing there in shock. And so was the whole crowd for that matter. The Rainbow Dash in question stopped flawlessly next to me, bearing a similar expression to everyone else. However, she was quicker to recover.
“That. Was. Totally. AWESOME!” Rainbow pumped a hoof. “That is the first time I ever lost, ever! Haha! I didn’t know you were that fast!”
“Rainbow, you do realize what that makes Ostri, right?”
“What Twilight?”
“He's probably the pegasus that started the Legend of the Sonic Rainboom; it did exist before you were born even if you did popularize and name it. There were reports of something similar to a Rainboom around the time he disappeared.” She slowly turned to me. “I have so many questions! Did you meet Starswirl?”
“Oh yeah. That guy. He’s dead, right? Good. Fuck that dude.” Twilight’s jaw dropped. “A racist sack of shit is what he is. Probably a bit sexist, too. Always thought what I was doing was dumb, even if his ideas of honor woulda got everyone in Everfree City murdered. Don’t have heroes kid; they’re all secretly horrible people-” Something tackled me. “Fucking christ, what the… Oh fuck, hey Blaze. You didn’t age at all!” Legit, my fox didn’t age in the slightest; she looked the exact same as she did a thousand years ago.
And she was still beautiful.
“What the fuck happened to you, Ostri? One moment I could sense you, and the next you’re gone! No pain, nothing! You simply disappeared!” She mentally shouted inside my head. “You made me worried sick!” Blaze laid down on top of me before she started grooming me. “Thank the Earth that you’re okay… what actually happened to… you.” Her eyes fell on Starlight. “You did something, didn’t you?”
“She accidentally sucked me off-” Blaze slapped me with a paw. “Okay, she went home and accidentally took me with her. And now I’m here.” Blaze kept on grooming me. “Are you-”
“Shut up. I spent a thousand years mourning you, Ostri. Let me have this.” She glanced at Twilight. “Back off you purple bitch; let me have my moment. My. Stallion. Mine.” Blaze kept on licking me. Twilight slowly started to back away from the angry kitsune.
No, Blaze did not cling to me like glue for a few hours. It was more like super glue. She wouldn’t even let me fly because she could sense how much my wings were aching.
Later that night, I was laying in a bed in Twilight’s castle. Blaze was laying down on top of me, because ‘I will disappear again’ if she doesn’t. It was honestly pretty nice. I couldn’t call it nostalgic; I basically did this yesterday for me. I idly stroked her, because she was still wide awake, basking in my hooves running through her fur. “You don’t seem as enthusiastic to see me as I thought you would be,” Blaze hummed. “How is… time traveling?”
“I wish I could be happier, just rolling and having a very wiggly, excited, magical fox in my arms, but for me, it’s like I saw you just yesterday, Blaze. No time at all has passed for me. I am happy to see you, I’m glad to have you in my company; you’re my best friend after all.” I hugged Blaze’s head. “I love you Blaze… I’m sorry for disappearing on you; I didn’t wanna get zapped into the future.”
“I know.” Blaze sighed. “I’m just happy to have you again.” Blaze simply shook her head and nuzzled me. “You still think this old hag looks nice? You are too kind, Ostri.”
“You literally didn’t age at all. Of course you look lovely.”
“Watch it; Luna may think you’re hitting on me.” We both fell asleep pretty quickly after we curled up together. Just like old times… Blaze slapped me with a tail for that. It was soft and fluffy, so it at least didn’t hurt.
The next morning, well night(I’m still nocturnal), I was awoken to the sound of Twilight opening the door. “Ostri! Wake up! Today is Nightmare Night!” I groaned. “C’mon! Luna and Celestia are coming to town to have a look at you. They even sent a letter before hoof. Let me read it for you:
“Dear, Princess Twilight Sparkle. I don’t recall the name Bald Ostrich,” my ears found themselves pinned against my head. I was forgotten. “But I believe seeing this stallion will refresh my memories. Please keep him at the castle, Celestia and I will come visit, as Nightmare Night is tonight anyways. I am looking forward to seeing you again. Signed, Princess Luna.” Huh. “So you might not be the Ostrich that Luna was thinking of, but I can help you adjust now that you’re basically stuck here.” Oh boy. My girlfriend probably won’t remember me.
“If Luna forgot you, Ostri, then she is a horrible mate and never truly loved you. You gave her everything when you could, your love, your attention… Everything. If Luna so quickly forgot about you, then find somebody else; there must be somebody you can fall in love with.” Blaze nuzzled me. “And I will make sure you aren’t lonely until your time comes; you deserve at least that.” I wrapped my forelegs around Blaze’s neck. “Yes, Twilight, I am capable of telepathy. You should know this from yesterday.”
So after a quick breakfast, I was sitting in the ‘lobby’ of the castle with Twilight and her friends. Each one was dressed in a costume of some sort, probably for Nightmare Night. After I was told what it was, I was originally mad, until I learnt that Luna actually celebrates it in Ponyville all the time. So it can’t be that bad if she managed to enjoy a holiday that demonizes her. Or rather, celebrates her more demonic form, Nightmare Moon.
The doors glowed in gold and dark blue, and soon two alicorns walked in. I recognized Celestia off the bat, even if her mane took a few doses of LSD. Her eyes lit up for a moment when they saw me, which was a good sign. The other alicorn looked kinda like Luna. Except she had very fake fangs, a helmet and regalia similar to Luna’s, except more geared towards being warlike rather than not. After seeing some depictions, I could tell that it was Nightmare Moon…
She was oddly beautiful. Horrifyingly so, but she was absolutely stunning. God, if that’s what Luna turned into, firstly Jesus Christ, secondly, I want to cuddle her until she no longer feels what turned her into Nightmare Moon in the first place. I saw them, staring at the sisters while they stared back at me. I waved a hoof, simply remaining silent. “Celestia, good to see you. The fuck happened to your mane?” Celestia chuckled.
“It has been one thousand years since I’ve seen you, Ostri, and that’s the first thing you say to me?”
“Look, I just wanna know if you’re doing drugs. No way that mane is natural and I don’t think you can dye a mane that doesn’t abide by physics.”
“Ostri! You don’t talk to a Princess like that!”
Celestia actually broke into a giggle from her poker face. Ooo, she’s gotten good at that over the years. “It is quite alright, Twilight. We’re good friends.” Celestia then set her eyes back on me. “It is perfectly natural… I suppose. It became this way shortly after you vanished. As for how, I do not know. In your words: ‘magic is bullshit’. What happened to you?” I looked at Starlight.
“Remember that one mare that showed up?”
“Vaguely. Her colors are vivid in my mind, but her face and mane are long lost to me.”
“Well that mare was Starlight Glimmer. Turns out she was from the future and that she wasn’t lying; she found a way home and it dragged me with her. And so I disappeared. It really sucked too; I think me and Luna were planning on having another picnic together.” I turned to Nightmare Moon. “Speaking of whom.”
Nightmare Moon was engulfed in some light. Soon, Luna took her place. My Luna was a bit shorter and her coat was a little darker, but she was my Luna. We stared at each other for a moment. I swear I could see tears forming in those wonderdrous eyes that I found myself staring into so often oh so long ago. Flashes of recognition, her mouth opened and all that came out was a squeak. We were silent.
“God damn, Luna. Not even being stuck on the moon for a thousand years is enough to make you not beautiful…” I walked forward. “You do remember me, right?”
“I-I do. Golly, how… How could I forget your full name?”
“Because my full name was some stupid, really stupid, shit I made up on the spot that I told you to never use. You always called me Ostri, and so did Celestia. So you probably never even got used to remembering my name….” I chuckled. “God, technically it’s been a thousand years since I was once human… My head hurts to think about that now. But I can forget about my own personal gripes if you’d still have me.”
“Well…”
“You got a new coltfriend?” I cocked my head.
“No! Heavens no!” Luna sighed. “I now realize that you and I only really became a couple because I was desperate for some form of affection, and you were in a world that was completely alien to you. We… Only stuck together out of necessity, didn’t we? We both knew that, in some way, that was true, right? I’m… I’m in a much better place now; some of my subjects actually love me. I have friends now, Ostri. I… I’ve been accepted. I never thought it would happen, but it did, and I’m closer to my sister than ever before.” Oh. I see.
What a way to break up. I was hoping to propose to this woman at some point.
“Okay then…” I let out a long, deep breath. “Cool. Love you too, Luna.” She opened her mouth again. “Don’t, Luna. Just don’t even talk right now. Blaze, what is she thinking right now?”
“I can tell it isn’t about rekindling your relationship. I won’t say anymore though.” Very cool.
“Welp. I thought I died, but turns out I traveled across time and space, and I learned that the woman I loved, with every bit of my being, didn’t actually love me! Wow! I am so glad to be alive!” I let out a laugh. “God I shoulda just fell asleep and got eaten by a bear that night…” I bowed. “Well, nice seeing you, Luna. Wish you the best of luck; I still love you despite this, but I don’t think I wanna look at you right now. I’m gonna go find some dead-end job that wants somebody who works night shifts.” With that, I started making my way to the door. I didn’t need to look back to know I was about to be followed. “Blaze, stay in the castle. I need some time alone.” I stepped out into the night and took a flight. I eventually found a random set of ruins in a huge forest near town.
I touched the ground and walked inside, only to find… This was home. This was where I lived. Despite it being a thousand years, it was still nice, if a tad bit ran down. I found mine and Luna’s old room. On the floor was a book with glowing ink, I read it and it talked about some voodoo bullshit I didn’t care about. Especially since it was whispering some creepy shit about power. I had no interest in that, so I threw it in the fireplace and lit it with a flint and steel that was nearby.
I simply sat on the bed, which was still in pristine condition, staring into the flames. As they burnt the book, I simply sat and stared into nothing, nothing but the contemplation of it all. I never knew what it was like to have a family. I got close, and it got dragged away from me. Then when I had a chance at getting close again it was gone. Simply, Gone. Every single bit of it was just a sweet little lie in my ‘family’s eyes. She, Luna, was no longer family to me.
I laid my head on the pillow at the foot of the bed, wide awake, until the sun came up. I didn’t sleep through the day. I just sat there, hoping to die. I was alone again.
Author's Note
And thus, the first chapter is up!
After the sun rose, I found very little reason to get out of bed. There really was not much of a reason to get out of bed. Sure, I was alive, but I had no reason to really want to live. I grumbled and groaned, rolling onto my stomach, figuring there really was not a point in lying around and moping over how my thousand year long relationship wouldn’t last. Sure, Luna was stuck on the moon, but I guess people change. Even if they were stuck on the moon, basically dead for years. It’s just a shame that she never really even thought to give me a chance, and just immediately dumped me after seeing me for the first time in forever.
Given that this was my room, there was a pretty solid chance that some of my stuff was still around. For instance, the nightstand on my side of mine and Luna’s old bed. My body felt numb and tired from the severe lack of sleep I had, but I kept going. I opened the drawer and found a bag of bits and a necklace of some sort. I chuckled, recognizing what this was. It was practically yesterday since I saw this thing, after all; I just woke up and apparently a thousand years had passed. You see, this was gonna be an idea I brought from my old world.
Ponies did wear jewelry, especially if those ponies were royalty. Now, the main thing with that jewelry was that none of that included rings. So I figured a wedding necklace could be something like a substitute and some sort of homage to me not exactly being a pony. Beside that necklace was another. One had my cutie mark etched into it, and the other had Luna’s. Luna would wear the one with my mark on it if we got married, and I would wear the necklace with her mark etched into it. I stared down at the necklaces, admiring how pristine they both looked in the sunlight.
God I spent so many bits on these things. May they never see the light of day again. I closed the drawer shut after grabbing the bag of bits.
I left the necklaces.
I looked in the lower drawer and found a knife, an old bone that was probably Blaze’s, and nothing else. Man, I really didn’t have shit, did I… I found my old medal, the one I got for defending Everfree City. I quickly pocketed that, hoping to either sell it, or just keep it for the memories it brought.
“You know, Ostri, I figured you of all ponies wouldn’t loot historical ruins,” Celestia’s voice came from behind me. From her tone, I could tell she was joking. “Ostri? Are you even going to respond? Emote? Pretend to be scared that I caught you doing something that would be illegal if you literally didn’t own everything in that nightstand?” I let out a deep breath. “By the harmony, I think that you and Luna breaking up has done more to you than I could imagine.”
“Of course it did. We were basically family, Celestia. I may joke about my lack of one, but I genuinely sometimes yearn for one, either through adoption, marriage, anything. I just want a family, and if I could get one in this horrible life, then it’s a bonus. It was… nice to be dating Luna; it was like having somebody who actually gave a shit about you. Then I wake up, in the future, and boom, alone all over again! Woohoo! Man am I glad I spent the last fucking year of my life on fucking nothing! I took literal arrows for Luna, slaughtered an army for her safety, and then I learned that Luna ‘didn’t love me’ or some shit. I was hoping to marry her in a few years, but some purple shithead…” I sighed. “I shouldn’t get mad at Starlight; she didn’t know she would accidentally drag me into the future with her. I shouldn’t be mad at anyone. I-It just sucks, you know?”
“It… Ostri, do you wish to talk about it? I’m sure I can-”
“No. I know what you’re gonna say, and I can probably guess why you’re here. Luna said she was sorry about what she said and wants to give me another shot?”
“Well… Yes. How did you know that?”
“You wouldn’t have sought me out, Celestia. I know you and I ended off on us being friends, but we were never exactly close. I wish we did get closer; I was genuinely enjoying your company up until I disappeared. But uh… yeah, you wouldn’t have sought to comfort me, especially when Luna was probably crying after what I said to her…” I hummed. “You know what, fuck it, take me to wherever Luna is, I’ll… give her a chance.” I wasn’t going to. No. I was going to tell her to stay the flying fuck out of my life.
Celestia didn’t need to know that though.
“Would you rather fly, or would you like to experience modern magic?”
“As in?”
“Teleportation, it was discovered sometime after you left. I believe Starlight might’ve accidentally kick-started the magical revolution when she showed up.”
“I’d rather fly then. I don’t know how ready I am to see Luna again.”
“We’ll be flying to Canterlot, and I know that Sonic Rainboom took a lot out of your wings. The only pony I know that can do it, without needing to stop for a rest, is Rainbow Dash.”
“...Teleportation wouldn’t be too bad then.” Celestia’s horn lit up and reality blinked around me. The next thing I knew, I was in a throne room. Luna was sitting on the throne, and Twilight and some of her friends were sitting in front of the steps up to it. I looked around for a couple seconds and couldn’t stop myself from grinning. “Man, magic is bullshit, but I have to admit, being able to teleport is cool. It’s a thing humans want to do, and basically never could manage to do due to the lack of magic…” I hummed. “Well, I did something that the rest of humanity can’t do, which is teleport. That’s cool.” I concealed that little giggle with a wing.
“Ostri,” Luna spread her wings and lept to the air. She gracefully glided down, landing right in front of me with equal grace. “I… I believe I owe you an apology.”
“Cool.”
“Ostri, this is serious. We could… be ‘a couple’ again.”
“Okay, cool. You weren’t even planning to do that until you saw how borderline suicidal I got after you dumped me. Hell, I’m still considering letting myself starve to death.” I tapped my chin a couple times. “So, Princess, what truly made you think ‘maybe I shouldn’t dump my boyfriend after finding out he’s still alive’? I’m curious. Because yesterday you were all ‘I don’t think we were ever in love’ or some stupid shit.”
“Ostrich! You can’t speak to a Princess like that!” I slowly leaned to the right to give Twilight a ‘really, muthafucka’ look, before standing straight.
“Well… I know I should’ve given you another chance. Golly, even with a thousand years of living-”
“Cool. Luna, I am going to tell you something and I’m going to want you to make a promise about that something.” Luna cocked her head to the side. God dammit, Luna-no, your ex being adorable is not a good reason to kiss her ass. “I want you to promise me that you’ll leave me alone. I don’t care about how much time has passed since the end of this conversation. I don’t give a shit if you suddenly love me again. I don’t give half a damn if you want to date me ever again. Just leave me alone. I don’t want anything to do with you right now.”
“But I-”
“Dumped me. You dumped me, Luna. I literally got shot with an arrow for your well being before. I’ve slaughter dozens of griffins who wanted your stupid fucking head. Despite that, you dumped me.” I started walking towards the balcony I finally took notice of. “As I said, I am going to go find a new path in life, one that hopefully leads me away from you. If, somehow, you gain my good graces again, cool. You probably won’t though, Luna.” I sighed. “I love you, I still do. God all i wanna do is nuzzle and kiss you like a guy with puppy love, but you… I don’t trust you, Luna.” With that, I hopped off the balcony and started gliding down towards Ponyville.
By the time I landed, my wings were hurting like a bitch, but I knew I had to get Blaze before I did anything. If nothing else, she would at least keep me emotionally stable, and she was probably my best friend. And so far, she’s been the most loyal to me, sticking by my side while facing down a whole army, and literally waited in my room for a thousand years just in case I was somehow still alive. You can’t buy or get that kind of loyalty anywhere else. Of course, by the time I turned around, Blaze was sitting in front of me, tongue panting, looking adorable.
“I… Assume you’re going to tickle me until I stop frowning?” Blaze nodded. “Well, I won’t complain about spending more time with you. You had to be lonely while I was gone, right.” Blaze nodded.
“I thought you died, Ostri. And then when it turns out that you’re still alive… I was so happy. Can I tickle you like old times, and then we can go play fetch? I know that last one feels a bit demeaning to me, but… I liked playing it with you despite that. It felt… nice to have you around, a thousand years ago, to have a friend. I never properly got to tell you this, not without it seeming sarcastic but… I loved you. Not in the romantic way, but I loved you, and I still love you. You are my favorite stallion in the universe, and I would give anything to spend another day with you.”
“You know what, Blaze? You can tickle the shit out of me. We can play fetch…” I couldn’t help but feel a whole lot better now that Blaze had voiced how she felt about me. It was… heartwarming to hear that. To know that I was at least actually cherished by somebody. “Once we get a place to stay first; we need a roof over our head. I know this bag has to have at least a month’s worth of rent and food; my first job paid enough for me to get a house, a thousand years ago, apparently. Then we can play, cuddle, do anything you wanna do. I’ll do it.”
“That would be nice. We can sleep under the stars; I can keep us dry with my shield, and I know you liked using me as a bed.”
“Okay… yeah, I did. You are stupidly soft, which is great because of how much fluff is added when you ball your tails up.”
“It would also save us money until you can get a job. That way we won’t be running on borrowed time; your bits can only last so long if we’re spending twenty a day in a shitty hotel room.” And so we started casually walking towards the center of town, where I thought the town hall would be, and if towns and cities haven’t changed, there should be a map along with a bulletin board near the town hall. The map’ll be helpful for finding us a hotel, and the board will be helpful for finding a dead end job to bury myself in.
So there were four main attractions in Ponyville, looking at the map here. One was obviously Twilight’s castle, as it was fucking huge, and y’know, the home of a princess. The next point of interest was Sweet Apple Acres, the most popular apple orchard in all of Equestria, and owned by the Apple Family… the same bunch of folks who helped me when I first came to Equestria. New generation, but same folks. Maybe they told stories about me? Probably not; I was apparently pretty obscure in history if only Starlight and Twilight knew about me. Or two nerds. I doubt the Apple Family would even bother to remember me after a year of me disappearing.
The third thing was Rarity’s home and clothing store. What ponies would need for clothes? I don’t fucking know. Apparently clothes are almost exclusively for work uniforms, fancy parties, or if you were a rich person. I didn’t see a need for it; I had fur. Fur that got thicker in the winter and thinner in the summer. Fur kept you warm, or cool during those seasons respectively, and so, clothing was not a need for me. Also, since I’m no longer dating Luna, I don’t need a suit to show up at whatever stupidass, fancy party I was gonna have to go to if I were still dating her.
So being single has some perks… Not good ones, but life with Luna had long since left my mind after I closed that drawer with the necklaces.
Lastly on the list of important buildings was something called the School of Friendship. I slowly looked down at Blaze and back at the name of the School. “Why the actual, flying fuck…” I hummed. “Blaze, can you, somehow, someway, explain to me how the fuck somebody would struggle so hard with being friends with people that they actually have to attend a school about friendship?”
“You’d have to either be stupid, or incredibly socially awkward…” Blaze chuckled. “The motel is not too far from here at least.” Blaze’s ears flicked. “Twilight Sparkle is standing behind you and she is not very happy.”
“...We could go on a train, or run into the middle of nowhere and just build a house.”
“Ostri…” I slowly turned, and yup, angry alicorn. “You do know you just made Luna cry, right?” I nodded. “Do you even care?”
“Twilight, I don’t care that much. I love Luna, still do, still wish I could be with her. Does it matter though? She broke up with me, not the other way around. I just made it clear that I do not want to even give Luna another chance. She didn’t give me that second chance, so I’m not giving her one. Y’all didn’t seem to give a shit when I was very clearly upset when Luna dumped me, so why should it matter now that it’s the other way around? Because I made a cute girl cry or something?”
“Ostri, this could potentially drive Luna into becoming Nightmare Moon again!”
“Damn bro, that sucks…” Hold it. “Ain’t that like… Luna but evil?” Twilight nodded. “Mmm, yeah that actually sucks. Though on one hoof, I can keep Equestria from going to shit by being in a relationship that has no love in it. On the other hand, I could be happy… and not in a relationship with the same woman that wronged me.” I hummed and tapped my chin. “So how likely is Luna gonna become Nightmare Moon over this? Because she didn’t seem to care all that much when she first saw and dumped me.”
“I don’t know! Would you want to risk it?”
“Eh, yeah. I don’t wanna date Luna again. Kay, bye Twilight! Thanks for letting me stay the night at your castle and whatever!” With that, me and Blaze booked it towards the hotel. The two of us curled up on the bed as soon as we had a room booked, and quickly fell asleep. The bed was shitty, but Kitsunes make for excellent substitutes, and mine was more than willing to sub in for a bed.
Anyways, I became aware that I was human again, playing Call of Duty on a Gameboy. I rubbed my chin. First, that game sucked, secondly, a Gameboy would probably explode if it ran a modern Call of Duty game. I chucked it, not caring for it, before looking down at my hands. Did I manage to become human again? What about Blaze? I didn't really have much going for me when I was human, just a dead end job and a really shitty apartment I couldn’t enjoy because I had to work sixty hours a week. I sighed.
“You aren’t human, Ostri, you are merely dreaming… You humans look odd. I know Twilight has described them after going through the Crystal Mirror, but it is a bit surreal to be seeing one. Especially… you.” Luna’s voice was immediately recognizable. I groaned, turning to face the Lunar Princess, who for some stupid fucking reason, thinks talking to me now would be a good idea. “Can we actually talk? I know what I said was harsh, but you won’t hear me out at all after we broke up. Not even for a chance to possibly be my consort again.”
“Yeah. There isn’t much more that needs to be seen.” I focused really hard and… Cool, I’m my pony-self again. Good, being human didn’t bring good feelings. “Why do you even want me to be your consort after literally just dumping me?”
“Ostri, we may not be dating, but we can still be friends at a minimum. If I spend more time with you again, I may even fall in love with you all over again; I still certainly find you attractive.”
“Cool. So what was Twilight talking about, you know, you going ‘Nightmare Moon’ if I don’t accept your apology and start dating you immediately?”
“Well, I was upset that you didn’t even bother hearing me out. You simply left before we could properly have a conversation. You were at least my friend, and I clearly made you upset, yet you won’t allow me to apologize. Please, Ostri, accept my apology and at least allow me to make you my consort. Not as a coltfriend, but simply so you do not have to work. I know how hard it is to adjust to a new time. You do not even need to look at me, just stay in the castle until you grow accustomed to newer times..”
“And I’ve adjusted to a new body, new diet, a different dimension, and still did fine. I don’t need your help, Luna. I’ve got plenty of bits to go through, and I do not want to have to deal with you anymore. Sure, maybe one day we can have tea and laugh at the time I thought I was gonna marry you, but that someday ain’t today, tomorrow, or any day in the next year. Luna, let me give you advice so you don’t piss me off and make me hate you. Because I still do love you, I really do.” I sighed. “Just give me my space, alright? Let my wounds heal, and before you know it, I’ll happily want to chat and have tea with you. But I don’t think I would want to date you again; not after being discarded without a second thought.”
Luna nodded. “Can you at least be civil and allow me to finish what I was going to say before you flew off the first time?”
“I could. I could not. I could just have Blaze wake me up because she wants a morning walk, you never know.”
“I wanted to tell you that it was nice to see you again, and I was hoping I was wrong, that our paths should cross and join into one. I was hoping that maybe, just maybe, you would tell me I was wrong, that you did love me, and that you weren’t just sticking around to make me happy. I wanted to say that, and the pure look of disappointment and depression in your eyes when you thought I was breaking up with you… It hurt me, Ostri. I still love you, and I always have.”
“Luna, I literally fought an entire army for you, because that army wanted you and your sister dead. Did you seriously think I didn’t love you after that?”
“I…”
“Plus I assume you just pulled a lot of what you just said out of your ass.”
“...I did, but not the part about still loving you. I still do, but I didn’t know if you truly felt the same way.” Huh. “I also wanted to tell you that I don’t know how fair it would be for me to have a relationship when I could barely give you any of my time. I don’t know how, but ruling seems to be even more hooves on than it was a thousand years ago, and it’s a miracle if myself or Tia can even get an hour to ourselves. I could barely give us the time our relationship needed, and I wanted to free you from a mare that’s always busy with doing what she loves.”
“...That makes some actual sense. Well Luna, hopefully in a year or two, we’ll be friends again. Maybe you can find some way to retire and maybe we can properly give a relationship a shot. But that’s a lot of maybes, and… even then, I put being romantically interested in you behind me. I think you’re beautiful, gorgeous, but I don’t think I could be attracted to you ever again.” I hummed. “Again, please just leave me be, Luna. I have to do a lot of job hunting in the upcoming weeks.” Luna nodded.
“Oh! I sent a letter to Twilight, so she shouldn’t be angry at you anymore!” Luna quickly said.
“Cool. Cya,” we shook hooves and I woke up. A small smile formed on my face; trying to hate Luna was hard. And actively resenting her was getting hard to do…
And that whole shit show was behind us now.
Sunlight faintly shone through the curtains, the sun had just risen, meaning it was time to get started with my day. I patted Blaze on the head, and she quickly got up. “Jeez, I was gonna tell you to just sleep in; I was just gonna find a job or two to do.”
“I am coming with you; you are not leaving my sight, Ostri.”
“Because the last time you did, I disappeared?” Blaze nodded. “Fine, I’ll enjoy the company anyways.” I walked into the bathroom to take care of my business and hopefully brush my teeth. The motel was generous enough, for how cheap the room was(just ten bits a night), to give you a full-sized tube of toothpaste and a toothbrush. In a few moments, I took care of my morning routine and was tailed by my kitsune out of the hotel room.
“So, Ostri, I was hoping to ask you about if I could study Blaze and ask you a few questions about early Equestria; there aren’t a lot of records and you are a pegasus.” Twilight was sitting out, in front of my room’s door, wide awake, and probably a bit sleep deprived. I slowly turned to Blaze. “Well, Ostri?”
“Blaze, how fast can you run?”
“Very.” I spread my wings, and neither of us needed to say a word to communicate what we must do. I took to the sky and flew as fast as I could, making a Sonic Rainboom, while Blaze did her best to follow me from the rooftops of Ponyville.
We never managed to escape the Twilight Sparkle.
Author's Note
so, I entirely rewrote this chapter. When I wanted Luna and Ostri to actually be adults and properly end off their relationship. Next chapter, there might be a certain demon spawn making an appearance
Understanding the Elements
So, I bought a chess set, because Blaze saw it in a window and was interested in it for some reason. Aside from the names of the pieces, it pretty much played out like chess. I was pretty decent, for somebody who doesn’t actively play chess, but apparently Blaze was nuts at it. So far, I won the first game, and that was the only game I won. Like after being fully explained as to what each piece does, Blaze took to it immediately and started kicking my ass every game. All without reading my mind or some shit too. Now I can safely say I was getting… Out foxed… I’m here all week.
“Checkmate.” Blaze hummed as she did, in fact, checkmate me with over half her pieces left. “So Ostri,” I looked up from the chess board after knocking my Princess, who was the King in human chess, over. “How old are you? Because I have been thinking ever since Luna dumped you, and I’ve been thinking even more since you claim you still love her. Just how old are you?”
“Well, I woke up in Equestria shortly after graduating high school, so about eighteen or so. I think I’m nineteen though; a bit hard to tell now.”
“So that is quite young, especially for a pony.”
“Yeah. Why are you asking now?”
“I learnt that ponies have birthdays, that they celebrate for some reason…” She hummed. “I was hoping we could do the same for you.” Blaze’s ears twitched. “But also it means you are quite inexperienced when it comes to dealing with relationships, correct?” I nodded. “How often have you interacted with people?”
“Not a lot. I was an orphan, after all.”
“So I have been thinking… I think you being with Luna, and speaking with Celestia is quite bad for you. Luna is simply trying to manipulate you. And I must ask, would Celestia seek you out if you were depressed? Celestia didn’t seem to care too much when you flew off in distraught. In fact, nobody did. Not even Luna. Not even after you said to her… And while I am at it, you may as well put some distance between yourself and those six mares. They’ll just try and guilt you into dating Luna again even if you two apparently left your relationship as friends.”
“Wait, Luna didn’t even care when I flew off?” Blaze nodded. “You aren’t lying?”
“I am not. Trust me, Ostri, I only act with your best interests in mind. And Luna will find some way into making you two date again; she wants control over you. As for why, I am not sure. I know Celestia probably still thinks you are a strategic genius, and with you dating Luna would tie you to Equestria. Hence any ‘juicy’ little secrets you have would only be of use to the Equestrian nation.” Huh… “I know. Trust me, Ostri, I would not be saying any of this if I did not think this is a genuine issue. Your naivety is going to get you into trouble because of how blindly you want the affection of a loved one.”
I silently stared down at the chess board. “You still-” Blaze leaned in and nuzzled me on the cheek. She then stood up, rubbing into my side before wrapping her tails around me. She then proceeded to start grooming me. “Blaze?”
“This is a sign of affection, Ostri. I would not do this unless I considered you a very close friend. And while I was once friends with Celestia, I do not find as much joy in grooming her as I do when I groom you. For kitsunes, if we even let you touch our tails, that is the ultimate sign of trust and affection.” Blaze then gave me a very canine-esk kiss. “I love you, Ostri. I simply want to protect you, and now that I know how young you are mentally, I… I think of you as my own little kit. Nobody is harming you without getting through me first. Not Luna, not Celestia. Nobody will hurt you while I am here.” Huh…
I leaned into Blaze’s chest and let out a deep sigh as I found myself feeling drowsy…
Then somebody started pounding on my motel room’s door. I sighed. “I can get the door,” Blaze offered.
“No, if I lay in your fur any longer I will fall asleep. I’ll get the door…. Who’s on the other side, by the way?”
“It is Twilight and her friends.” Oh brother. “I know. Are you certain you do not want me to get the door for you? I can tell them to ‘fuck off’ as you would say. Or we can ignore them.”
“C’mon Ossi! I know you’re in there!” Pinkie’s voice was very squeaky. “We want to talk to you!”
“I don’t think that’s an option, Blaze.” We both sighed. “Talk later?” My fox nodded. I got out of bed and walked over to the door, I mentally and emotionally prepared myself. I took a couple deep breaths before finally opening the door. Twilight and her friends, Twilight at the forefront because she’s a pretty pony princess and her friends aren’t, were all practically grouped around my door. “Why are you guys here? Like legitimately, why? I don’t wanna talk to any of you.”
“...Well, Princess Celestia has informed me that the way we’ve been treating you so far is a bit unfair. After all, you and Luna ended your relationship off as friends… You clearly are not a bad pony, so I shouldn’t get angry at you over your love life. That’s Cadance’s job, after all. So, me and my friends were about to go out on a picnic and figured we should invite you. Mostly at Rarity’s request,” Rarity batted her eyelashes at me, she was holding a fan up so her nose was just barely poking over it. I blinked a couple of times. “And I’m a bit curious about you myself, beyond you being from the past, you are quite interesting. According to records at the time, you simply appeared one day. You walked into town with a caravan of Earth Ponies and quickly found yourself in royal hooves.”
I stepped out of the motel room and closed the door.. A picnic can’t be too bad. “Say, can Blaze come along? The two of us were just having a little bit of a chat; some nice bonding time too. Given that Blaze is my best friend…” what is some bullshit I could come up with. “She would help me feel a bit more comfortable? I’m not the most socially outgoing dude ever, and Blaze helps boost my confidence.” I could practically see Fluttershy bouncing up and down when I asked that. The best part was, that was partially true; I suck at being social.
“I sure wouldn’t mind,” Twilight shrugged. The door was quickly caught in Blaze’s magical signature, and the fox casually strolled out. Not too long after, she was lying on the ground, Fluttershy babying her, with her tongue out. Now Blaze went from almost motherly to the biggest fucking baby on the planet because of the yellow pegasus. After a few moments of being babied, Blaze stood up, Fluttershy being held by the scruff, happily following us. It was kinda cute.
“Ostri, I like this mare. Don’t touch her; she’s mine.”
“Oi, I thought I was your favorite pony, you dickhead.” Everyone’s eyes widened, then became dinner plates when Blaze simply giggled.
“Ostri, you will always be my number one… Just don’t touch this mare.” She looked left and right. “Just trust me.”
“Meh, aight.”
“What did she say after she paused?” Apple Jack asked. “Ah don’t like how Blaze said something but none of us could hear it.”
“That is the art of telepathy, my little farm pony. I was merely telling Ostri some advice; it’s not a good idea to immediately chase love after your heart’s been broken…” Blaze grinned. “Rarity, stop staring at Ostri’s rear end. I know you think it looks nice, but my pony isn’t interested in mares right now.”
“H-how?” Rarity stuttered and sputtered as she just stopped, pointed at Blaze, and had a mini seizure.
“Ostri fully knows that you are interested in him.”
Rarity’s reaction was priceless.
After a while of wandering around, we found a nice spot in a random field, and quickly had a picnic blanket set up. Fluttershy was a giggly mess, happily trying to touch Blaze’s tails, even though the kitsune looked like she was trying her best to not growl at the pegasus. While everyone ate and happily chatted, I kept watch on the forest. Apparently, where Everfree City once stood, was just that massive, possibly evil and fucked up forest. Where the weather is free or whatever. To me it just seemed like planet earth; I don’t mind clouds going along with the flow and snowing when they feel like it.
“Say Ostri, wanna have a race on the ground?” Rainbow tapped my shoulder.
“Nah. I’ve just been wondering about… stuff. Me being dragged out of the time I was supposed to be in… It feels weird. Not jarring; I was literally dragged out of my home before. I just figured adjusting to a more modern time would be harder; it really isn’t. Luna said she struggled, but I suppose she’s a mare of tradition or whatever…” I hummed. “It just feels… eh. I dunno. I should maybe be a bit more sad now that I will never get to see some folks I was hoping to see again. But three out of the six people I talked to are still kicking.”
“...Who are you missing?”
“I dunno if you guys heard of them, but… I believe two of the last three people were a part of a very, very early day Apple Clan. Crab Apple and Red Delicious; they helped me get kick started in life with just a bag of bits. Hell, I never woulda been in Everfree City if it weren’t for them. I woke up in the middle of a forest, no clue how I got there, in a body that wasn’t mine, and they took me in for a bit. Hell, Red wanted to sleep with me if what Crab had to say was true.” Apple Jack’s jaw dropped. “What?” Twilight and Starlight were just rubbing their chins while they listened to me.
“You know my great, great, great,” several greats later. “Great Aunt and Grandma?” I nodded. “What were they like? I heard stories of their hospitality; it’s what we Apples pride ourselves on.”
“I can’t really say; they were the nicest folks I met. But I only got to speak with them and be around them for a day. I was hoping they’d stop by Everfree sometime, maybe grab a cup of rum and chat with them. Then uh… Yeah, no. That never happened,” I sighed. “I kinda found myself missing them at times. I don’t have much to my name, even back in the past, but I wanted to repay them for helping me out so much.”
“Ostri, what do you mean by ‘in a body that wasn’t mine?” Twilight asked.
“So uh, about me appearing randomly? That’s true. Even I don’t know why the fuck I ended up in Equestria. I used to be human; some hairless monkey type of thing.”
“Oh… That would explain why you weren’t utterly blown away by being in the present,” Twilight rubbed the back of her head. “So who’s the last pony you were missing?”
“Somebody named Chrysalis. We didn’t get to interact much, but I found her in a net, fed her, and we were sorta friends. I only met her a week before disappearing; that was zero time to get to know her. Luna and Chrysalis were best friends though. I wouldn’t have minded getting to know… What?”
“Chrysalis tried to kill us not even four months ago,” Rainbow’s hoof slammed into the ground. Damn. Guess that bitch went bumfuck crazy at some point then. “How did you even become friends with her? She had to of mind control you!”
“No. She was trapped, so I showed her some kindness and freed her. She was hungry and fed on love. Again, I just fed her and chatted with her. It was brief, but we were pretty chill… Man, this fucking sucks.” I got up and groaned. “All of the people I once knew are either dead, or immortal. And the immortal ones change just enough to feel completely different. Dunno what Luna went through after she came back from her banishment, but she changed enough to be different from the woman I fell in love with. Celestia is a lot more reserved from the bumbling Princess a thousand years ago. And Chrysalis might be too far gone to save.” I dropped my head onto my hooves. “The only one that even acts remotely the same is Blaze; she’s really all I have left.”
“That… has to hurt a lot. If you want me to, even if it will mess with the timeline, I can send you back in time. I-I uh… If only I bucking paid attention while performing the time travel spell! Then…”
“Starlight,” I didn’t raise my head from my hooves. “Don’t talk like that. What happened, happened. Boohoo, I’m a little sad, but the world will keep on spinning. No matter how many times I get knocked down, I’m going to get back up. No matter the universe, time, or place, I will get up and bulldoze through what I have to keep on living. Determination is what fuels humanity, Starlight. Yeah, you fucked up, but I ain’t gonna do Blaze like that. We’re both basically all we have, and separating us would probably end poorly for whoever…”
“I can help you make more friends, Ostri. I am the Princess of Friendship, after all.”
“I’m good. It just fucking hurts a little, especially to look at either of the Royal Sisters. I was literally going to marry one of them a thousand years ago, and I was becoming friends with the other. Now I just see two familiar faces with nothing that’s familiar underneath their hides. Celestia seemed somewhat innocent, for a woman that was fighting battles for her country and beliefs at the age of fifteen at least, and now… I can see her eyes constantly running calculations on how to act in a social interaction. I can see her processing just how to possibly spin any situation in her favor. It’s almost fucking terrifying at how calculated even just her breathing is. Everything she does is very deliberate and it’s scary as hell.”
“And Luna?”
“She hurt the most, but… I move on. Like imagine going to sleep next to your lover, brother, somebody you just hold dearly. Don’t matter who it is, just imagine somebody you cannot live without. Then you wake up the next day and they not only barely recognize you, but then they suddenly don’t like you. I think Blaze possibly knows why Luna did a one eighty and tried to get back together with me after saying she wasn’t interested anymore. It’s to tie me down to Equestria; Celestia and Luna definitely know I have zero loyalty to Equestria itself…”
“But you fought a battle for Equestria! And I bet it was totally awesome!” Rainbow pumped one of her hooves into the sky. “I mean, you have to be totally wicked! Twilight said you went through that battle without even getting injured; her egghead history books said that at least!”
“I took an arrow to the thigh. So that book’s inaccurate, and battles are never awesome, Rainbow. I can still hear griffins screaming in agony as I shoot fireworks into their ranks after leading them into a literal death alley. I didn’t do that for Equestria, Rainbow. Those people wanted my marefriend’s head on a pike. They wanted Celestia’s head on a pike. They wanted to kill everyone in that city, but I wasn’t thinking about everyone in that city even if I took measures to make sure they were all safe. I fought that battle to keep two people I cared about safe, and those two people happened to be the rulers of Equestria.”
“So why did Luna want to keep you after she turned you down?” Twilight asked.
“Think, Twilight. You see a stallion, who literally revolutionized war by using fireworks as weapons, something nobody else thought of before, and choosing to use guerrilla warfare, with zero loyalty to the country he is standing in. If I want to, I could go to some other country and give them strategies and schematics for weapons, and then that country will come for Equestria. Me ‘loving’ one of the rulers will give me some sorta loyalty to Equestria, so then I can’t go and tell some random guy things he can use to conquer this stupid, stupid country. Celestia probably recognized that and probably told Luna. And since Luna failed, I’m surprised that Celestia herself hadn’t gone and tried to have her shot.”
“...There was no love in what Luna was doing.” Twilight summarized that pretty nicely. “No wonder you haven’t given Luna another chance. I… I’m sorry for being so cross with you over that.” Twilight chose that time to lay her head over my neck, wrapping her wings over me. It was very similar to how Luna used to hug me while I was laying down. “Hopefully you can find your place in the world again, I really do. You deserve it.”
“...Thanks Twilight. You know, despite how you were acting earlier, you’re not all too bad,” I glanced around. “Y’all are quite nice, honestly. I know I’ve really only talked to Rainbow and Twilight, but I wouldn’t mind having you guys as friends.” I yawned. “God, I was up all night looking at job listings near the town hall… Only to figure I should try to leave Ponyville either tomorrow, or sometime next week.” I let out an even bigger yawn and Blaze shortly followed suit. “Big yawn, Blaze.”
“Thank you, Ostri.”
“Say, Ostri,” that was Apple Jack. “Ah know we haven’t gotten off on the right hoof, but Ah was wonderin’ if you would like to stop by my farm before you leave. You… even if you're quite an old one,” we both chuckled at that one. “You are a bit of a family friend. And it would be nice if my family and you got reacquainted; I certainly wouldn’t mind.”
“Ostri, I hope you know that Twilight and Apple Jack find you attractive-” Blaze got hit in the face by Apple’s stetson.
“Shut up you darn puff ball! Stop reading my mind!” Blaze let out a surprisingly human laugh that sent shivers down all of our spines.
“It’s as obvious as the sun. Twilight is holding Ostri in a very intimate way and thinks his wings are nice looking. You just like how muscly he is for something so ‘scrawny’. I don’t need telepathy to see that you two are attracted to him… my nose can also pick up on this.”
“...So hormones?” I asked. Blaze nodded. “Damn. Well AJ, Twilight, I wouldn’t mind dating either of you. When I’m done aimlessly wandering like an idiot, I might give either of you a chance.” I hummed. I slid out from under Twilight, or rather, tried to. She fell asleep on top of me. I could feel my cheeks burn slightly as everyone laughed at my predicament.
Author's Note
so as you know, this chapter with through several rewrites. I wanted to include chrysalis in here, but she’s gonna get her own chapter next chapter
I just spent the whole day with the Apple family at Apple Jack’s request, and I gotta say, even a thousand years later, and these guys were the nicest folks on the planet. Making sure I was comfortable, Apple Bloom, Jack’s sister, was adorable. Big Mac was a fucking hunk, like he was huge and gentle as hell. Granny Smith was a bit iffy, but she wasn’t too bad. I was kinda stuffed with apple flavored desserts and snacks. It was… nice honestly. It felt nice to have some people who don’t fully hate you in your life.
Now I was just lying under an apple tree, reading a book called Daring Do. It was some sorta Idiana Jones, but if it was by ponies. That being said, it was kinda fun, cheesy, but fun. Daring Do was also a bit boring as a character; just kinda boring no reason why. I happily hummed until something headbutted my shoulder. I ‘hmphed’ and looked up. Apple Bloom and two new fillies were sitting in front of me. Apple was the one who headbutted me. The three kids were just staring up at me, and I already knew who Apple Bloom was; how could I not when she helped cook some of the food I ate?
Also she is very adorable; she literally used puppy eyes to make me stay a little longer on the farm. The other two fillies, though, I’ve never seen. It didn’t take a genius to figure that they were her friends.
“Howdy, Ostri! I had a couple of friends who wanted you,” she got close to me. “Or specifically, Scootaloo wanted to see you. She heard about yer race with Rainbow Dash.” Oh great. “This,” Apple Bloom pointed to the orange one, a pegasus with a pinkish mane. No, I don’t think it’s actually pink, but it looks like a dark shade of pink. Maybe I’m color blind. “Is Scootaloo,” Apple Bloom pointed at the minty unicorn. “That is Sweetie Bell.”
“And we’re the cutie mark crusaders!” They were so loud that my ears were ringing. Ow. Jesus, my ears are in pain.
“Are you Luna’s coltfriend?”
“Did you actually beat Rainbow Dash in a race?”
“Is that a timber wolf?” Wait, what? The fuck is that? Apple Bloom was pointing somewhere behind me, low and behold, some wooden abomination, that looked like some sorta wolf, was standing there. Well, more like it was circling us to try and get closer. You know, I don’t need to check twice, think twice, or think for more than a minute, to know that it probably wanted to eat us. I hummed. And my money was betting on this thing being a ‘timber wolf’. So I got to my hooves and scratched at the ground a couple times, getting ready to spring into action. “Hey kids, run towards the barn. I don’t give a damn if you think it would be cool to stand around and watch it, just run.”
In all seriousness, I have never seen one of these things before, but I don’t wanna find out what it can do to a filly. So once the girls started running, the timber wolf started running after them, so I took to the air, zipped through a few trees and tackled it, pinning it to the ground. It did not take more than a moment for the timber wolf to recover and throw me off of it. I went flying and the next thing I knew, I was running away. I don’t want to go toe to toe with that thing, I don’t wanna find out what those fangs could do to me.
Now, I could easily fly away, but I needed to keep it distracted for the girls to get to safety. And unlike me, it cannot be bruised if it’s made of wood, so I had to keep running. Occasionally I would stop, grab a rock, and chuck it at the wolf, only to miss it and lose some ground. I ran around the outskirts of the field where the Apple Family’s home was. A small smile formed on my face when the fillies got back to the house in one piece. Now that they were safe, I could try and fight it.
I stopped, spun around, and got ready to give it the ol’ one two. Hopefully my self defense lessons with Luna will pay off. Or I die. Dying wouldn’t be too bad, honestly. Sure, it would suck, but it sounds peaceful to just be dead. Luckily, it seemed that those self defense lessons were the only good thing I got out of that old hag, since I used a trick she taught me, where you tuck half of your legs(so say both your left legs), to avoid getting pounced on. I skidded underneath the fucker, before breaking into a sprint again. You know, you stupid wood dog, you aren’t the only predator in these woods. In a moment, and with the help of my wings, I was sitting in a tree.
Oh lucky me, the timber wolf was barking up the tree. I hummed. The moment the wolf’s jaw closed, I dropped out of the tree, making my elbow come down first, hitting the thing in the head. The timber wolf’s body fell to pieces after it flinched from me literally body slamming it. I huffed, and puffed, the adrenaline fueling my dead sprint and subsequent flight up a tree had run out now that the threat was gone. The job wasn’t done though. I turned to face the remains… it fucking put itself back together.
“Oh come the fuck on-” it pounced on me, or it would’ve, had a green aura not stopped the fucking thing mid air. “I guess god just has to let me suffer.”
“No idea who ‘God’ is, but I was looking forward to seeing you. I have heard of somepony named Bald Ostrich appearing out of nowhere,” oh, that voice. Great. “I was originally in town to spy on a certain little rat . But the opportunity to visit a friend has risen,” Chrysalis, who had definitely changed a lot over the last few centuries. She was a lot skinnier, her hair was longer, so was her tail. There was now a crown on her head, and her horn was much more jagged. Now, I believe Chrysalis could stand at the same height that Celestia stands at. Her legs were nice, even if they were more riddled with holes. “I shall meet you in your motel later; somepony is coming and I would like to remain hidden.”
The timber wolf erupted into flames as Chrysalis literally melted into the floor… What the actual fuck?
“Ostri! Are you alright? Apple Bloom told me…” Apple Jack came to a stop as she watched me kick dirt onto the burning remains of a timber wolf. “What the hay… how did you light that thing on fire?”
“I dunno. I body slammed it, it put itself together, then some unicorn lit it on fire… Nah, that’s me poorly lying. No, an old friend came out and lit it on fire. A buggy, familiar friend.” AJ’s eyes narrowed on me. “Yeah, Chrysalis is somewhere in town. Don’t do anything about it; she’s clearly here to talk to me. Dunno if she’s actually batshit crazy, maybe I can talk her into calming her tits down, because I hope I can. I just want somebody I once knew to still live as a friend. I know what you said she did, but… I dunno. Starlight tried to rip apart the very fabric of time, whereas Chrysalis just invaded Equestria twice and tried to kill everypony that is deemed important. If you can forgive Starlight for doing that, you can forgive Chrysalis for doing something that is, arguably, far less worse. So please don’t tell anyone about Chyrsalis.”
“You just want one of your old friends back.” AJ, thank you for your subtlety.
“Course I do. I was hoping Celestia would, since Luna doesn’t seem to really give a damn. No, Blaze told me that Celestia didn’t even flinch when I flew off. Hell, she fucking admitted to not really even giving a shit, that she only sought me out because Luna asked her to.”
“...You do know that the Princess could have a reason for not showing much of a reaction to you being upset, right?”
“Blaze has telepathy and, while not on the level of a changeling, can feel what you’re feeling with that telepathy. Celestia didn’t really care that much. And if Celestia did, she didn’t really prove it. I haven’t even spoken with her since I left Canterlot.” AJ sighed.
“Well, Ah certainly won’t stop you from talking to that ol’ bug. You also have my word; I won’t tell anypony, even despite what my instincts are telling me. If you think you can talk her out of whatever she’s planning, then go for it…. Why is she in Ponyville anyways?”
“Said she was spying on somebody. Does anyone know who Chrysalis would want to murder?”
“Probably Starlight Glimmer; she is partially why Chrysalis is no longer the Queen of the changelings.” Oh. Yeah, that would make sense.
“Well, I’ll see you around, AJ, thanks for having me. If I don’t see you again, then know it was nice talking to you and your family. You look a lot like Red Delicious, just with a differently colored coat and mane. Hell, that’s probably her stetson that you’re wearing.”
“So I look like a dead corpse?” Aj’s smirk caught me off guard.
“I didn’t think you’d be one for that type of humor, but I’ll bite. You’re beautiful,” and there’s the blush. I chuckled and hugged AJ before sauntering back towards town. I looked back and chuckled; AJ was broken. Chrysalis was planning on speaking with me again, and it wasn’t wise to keep her waiting. And I don’t want to leave Blaze alone with that crazy bitch; I can’t do much, but it would make me feel better about my kitsune’s safety. In fact, I took flight and zoomed as fast as I could, crashing down in front of the motel without leaving a crater, surprisingly. I scampered to the door to see Blaze simply laying on the bed, staring up at me.
“Now Ostri, what have you been in such a rush for?”
“No bug horses?”
“No, but one is standing behind you right now.” Oh… I walked forward, before hopping up on the bed. When I spun around, there Chrysalis was, sitting on her ass, wearing the sweetest little smile you’d ever see on anything. She was just sitting there, smiling at me, I still couldn’t really get a good look in her eyes; she was on the opposite side of the room. I just hope they don’t look like something went missing in them a fucking while ago. Because… Yeah, then all my old friends are complete strangers, and this old friend had gone mad a while ago. “Greetings, Chrysalis, or is it Queen Chrysalis? What brings you to our neck of the woods?”
“Well, I happened to be in town while… on a business trip, and noticed somepony who should’ve been dead a thousand years ago. After you went missing… you made Luna quite distraught, and made Celestia rather upset. In fact, you made them so upset that Luna fell to her innerdemons and waged war against her sister. Hence why the Everfree is such a mess, and why my homelands were destroyed. All that dark magic oozing out of Nightmare Moon… was too much for the landscape. So, despite how perfect your relationship with Luna seemed, why did you disappear? I’m curious. Why did you leave?”
“I got dragged into a time spell by accident…. Wait, Luna started a fucking war?” Chrysalis nodded. “Jesus. So Luna thought I had abandoned her or some shit?”
Chrysalis nodded. “In fact, she dubbed you a traitor and declared you an enemy of the crown. A month later, with nopony to keep her sane, since Blaze also went and disappeared into the night, Luna waged a war. At least… it is not truly your fault. But I must ask, how did you get dragged into a time travel spell? Nopony even knew how to teleport at the time…”
“Starlight Glimmer.”
“Of course, that wretch ruins everything. Of course she would be the reason why a war started, by taking a Princess’s consort away from his time…” Chrysalis sighed. “So, may we talk? It has been a while since I’ve seen you, and we barely got to talk. I still remember the kindness you’ve shown me. It… it’s one of the few memories from those times that I hold dear. Everything else is sour. Luna turned me away and casted me aside once you disappeared, and Celestia deemed me a parasite after she learnt that I was feeding on love from her sister, which was voluntarily given to me.”
“Well, I have nothing to say; I more or less saw you four days ago, and then woke up in the future. I… reunited with Blaze, and now we’re gonna go traveling tomorrow. Equestria has… ran its course in four days. At least, Ponyville did. No Luna, she dumped me, no Celestia, since she became a very manipulative bitch. The Elements of Harmony aren’t too bad after they’ve been told that they've been treating me a little poorly. And even then, that’s just another reason to tie me down to this country. And despite what Celestia may be trying, since she told the Elements to be nice to me, I won’t have any loyalties to this country or any other country. I simply live where I live, but where I’m living isn’t home.”
“Interesting… perhaps I can join you on your travels? We could chat, you tell me a thing or two about your kind; Luna mentioned that you weren’t exactly a pony, and I am curious. I would also love to hear any war stories of your kind. For a pony with… your reputation is surely to hail from a race of warriors.”
“Well… I wouldn’t mind having a friend come along. Legitimately, it just sucks. Not a fucking week ago, for me at least, I was sitting with Celestia. She had pink hair, we were joking, and I was making jokes that took the complete piss out of her. Then at night, I would spar with Luna, learn how to fly, and then read a book by her side under a moonlit field. It was… wonderful, honestly. I played with Blaze or did an odd job when I wasn’t spending time with the Sisters, and when I was, it was always a pleasure… When I start traveling, I am going to find Celestia and make her tell me what the fuck happened after I disappeared. Because she is so distant, and has grown so much, that it’s hard to remember that she’s the same mare that I would occasionally use as a pillow while she reads a silly little play she wrote up.”
“...Now if we start traveling, we don’t have to go to Canterlot first. Perhaps somewhere more secluded?”
“Blaze, what are your thoughts?”
The fox simply didn’t respond. She just sat there, staring at Chrysalis like she was reading her. She cocked her head to the side, before shrugging. “She’s gonna murder you when you’re alone, and then assume your form, Ostri. She only hasn’t yet, because she wants to make sure nobody can find your body,” she slowly turned to Chrysalis. “Is that what you think is going to happen here? Because I may not be able to fight you, but I can easily run and get Twilight Sparkle or Starlight Glimmer who can easily kill you, Chrysalis. We may have been friends, once upon a time, but my loyalty to Ostri takes triumph over my loyalty to you.”
Chrysalis’ immediate change in her mood was noticeable. Now she was slouching, growling, and scratching the ground with her hooves. You see, now she was actually kinda close to me, and now I could see the dead look in her eyes. Her horn was now lit, and it looked like she was actually gonna murder either me or Blaze. “I suppose I can just burn you to a crisp. Nopony would know the difference if you were to die here and now. All I'd have to do is…. Wipe that kitsune’s mind. You will die tonight, Ostri. It was nice knowing you.” Somehow Chrysalis didn’t notice me getting closer to her. “Eep!” I wrapped my legs around her neck, before effectively pulling her into a hug. She let out a little squeak as she looked down at me.
“Look Chrysalis, I really do not want to have you as an enemy. Just ignoring how you could easily murder me, I just… Look, can we not do whatever is about to happen? I much rather have… just somebody as a friend. Somebody I can recognize, Chrysalis. I can’t have that if you want me dead, or if Luna or Celetia simply don’t give a shit about me.” Chrysalis slowly lowered onto the ground while I was hugging her, and she remained silent. “Can’t we just go back to being pals?” Chrysalis actually wrapped her own legs around me, and now we were laying on the ground together.
“I… It has been forever since anypony has genuinely wanted to hug me, or care about me.” Chrysalis sighed, resting her head on mine. “It feels nice. Even with the adoration my Hive once provided, or the many stallions I have had in my company, none of that truly matched having a companion in life. None of it felt truly personal. I was on too high of a pedestal, and those stallions only loved who I was pretending to be. This feels nice… I suppose I can forgo my current plans; it would be nice to have somepony to talk to, somepony who cares about me, and not what I am pretending to be. I’ve…. Been lonely since my Hive has abandoned me. It…” Chrysalis sighed. “This feels lovely….”
“It does, doesn’t it?’ I snuggled into that surprisingly soft carapace of hers. “Wanna still come with me and Blaze? This time, not to murder me, but just to come along for the ride and you know, be buddies rather than enemies.” Chrysalis hummed, having somehow moved me so we were side by side, her tail curled up over me. “Whaddya say, Chrysalis?” Chrysalis hummed some more, and now she was grooming my mane.
“I think you just made a friend for life, Ostri. She is genuinely happy right now.” Oh. “I think you two might get along nicely.” Blaze walked over and laid her tails around us. Chrysalis actually started to purr while we calmly enjoyed the serene silence surrounding us. We were all once alone, but hopefully, together, we’ll be a lot less lonely.
Author's Note
so i changed the title, lemme know if it’s stupid, or not.
Somehow, it never dawned on me that Chrysalis could shapeshift. Given that you know, she’s a changeling, that should’ve been obvious to me right off the bat. The bug in question was currently disguised as a white, slender legged unicorn with a pink mane and tail. Her disguise kinda looked like Celestia, but you know, just a unicorn. If I recall correctly, Celestia used to be a pegasus before turning into an alicorn, while Luna was also a pegasus. How they grew a horn beats me, but I have to assume some sexy unicorn came along and showed them how cool it is to be horny. I chuckled at my inner rambling, before sighing; it felt good to have a recognizable face in my life again.
We were in the middle of packing up, and were taking a break from it by wandering around Ponyville. Neither of us were in any big rush, me because I just didn’t care about how long it took me to get moving, and Chrysalis was in no rush because we were heading to Canterlot as one of our first stops; for some reason that’s the first place the train went after leaving Ponyville. Which made me kinda laugh when I found out about how retarded the Equestrian rail is. Because it’s literally just one track. That's it, one track for the entire nation. It’s all connected by it going in a circle.
Essentially, if you accidentally missed your last stop, you’d have to take the entire circuit again, which takes a solid two months, and pray to god that you don’t forget the second time around. It's an ADHD pony’s worst nightmare. When I explained why that was stupid to Chrysalis, she couldn’t help but laugh her ass off too. Blaze even came up with a minor solution, which was scrap the thing and just make magical teleportation pads. Because those exist apparently, but nobody uses them. For some stupid reason.
Anyways, we were sitting at a cafe, where Chrysalis could partake in the love of any passerby. I went and got Blaze, a huge massive cup pup, because those exist now, I guess, and I could enjoy some black coffee that was loaded with sugar and cream. So I don't actually take my coffee black, who would? Shit tastes awful, and somehow, Equestrian coffee is worse than American coffee. How ponies managed to fuck up so badly when it comes to coffee beans, I dunno, but they also kinda fucked up by treating Celestia as a god. So I guess ponies were just naturally good at fucking up at shit; I heard of a story where Rainbow nearly sold one of her friends off for a special print of a book.
Chrysalis’s cheeks were kinda smeared in icing; the cafe had cake and she just kinda wanted some. Her disguise was actually pretty adorable, and it was even cuter now that there was icing smeared into it. “It has been so long since I’ve had a good piece of cake,” Chrysalis hummed. “So once we are done here, we will get moving? I know you’re procrastinating; you’ve nothing to your name. And I don’t have anything either. You have plenty of canned goods, and Blaze and I don’t need physical food for the most part. We can get on the train now and get going at any point.”
“...Weren’t you just saying you didn’t like how our first stop was Canterlot?”
“I might as well repay Sunbutt and Moonbutt a visit. I’ll be able to tell them that I have… reformed,” Chrysalis shivered in disgust. “Did you know that reforming involves being forced to get along with the Elements? It’s awful! Those mares are more sociopathic than I was while ruling the Hive!” Chrysalis shivered. “Also I would like to yell at Luna for dumping you the way she did; she had no right in doing that. Not in the way she did it. And I can tell it has left you somewhat… empty. Clearly, it still does sadden you.”
“Course it did; we were going to get married. I’m not letting it hold me down though. Time stops for no man, and I can’t let myself stagnate because my heart took a punch in the dick. Get up and keep moving forward, even if your groin just got its shit kicked in.” Chrysalis snorted.
“You almost sounded inspirational for a moment. Then you just had to say your heart had… a penis.” Chrysalis actually giggled. “Good. I like a bit of inspiration, but it shouldn’t be sappy ‘oh achieve my dreams if I believe in myself!”
“Hey now, Twilight only tried to get me to follow that mindset, with sappy inspirational quotes, a couple of times. Then I told her what happened when I tried to pursue that last dream I had,” I chuckled. “The best thing to come out of that relationship was the kinky sex we had; I’m talking about me and Luna cuddling while she’s wearing her very revealing battle armor; Luna is very warm and cuddly. We only had sex once.” Chrysalis snorted. “What? I can not like Luna, and I can still find her attractive and find her sexy. Just a shame that whatever the fuck is in her head makes her a sack of shit.”
“That is true, I suppose,” Chrysalis finally wiped the cake off of her face, having finished it. “Blaze, do you need help? You got a bit of whip cream… everywhere.” Blaze looked up from her empty cup. Somehow she got whip cream behind her ears, on some of her tails, and nowhere near her mouth. In fact, her face was perfectly clean. “...How the buck did you get some of your beverage on your hindlegs?”
“I like sugar, bitch.”
“Look who’s talking.”
“Hey! I fit that description,” Blaze faked a snarl, which made everyone in the area take off running and screaming about a ‘rabid animal’. We all chuckled at that, before Blaze removed all the shit that was on her with telekinesis, and stuffing it all in her mouth. “Okay, let’s get on the train already; this town sucks. And the Elements are terrible.”
“Oi, AJ and Twilight weren’t too bad.”
“Apple Jack is okay, Twilight literally hunted us down just to ask us questions about the past when there are two, perfectly old princesses, one of whom was on the moon, unconscious. And I believe she would've kept treating us rather poorly if it were not for Celestia telling her not to.” I hummed, before shrugging. It’s best to just drop the topic and get the fuck out already. We wasted zero time in heading back to the motel, grabbing my suitcase full of food, and wasted even less time with getting on the train. While we sat in our cabin, that Chrysalis got by mind zapping some fucker into letting us have, I was simply doing something very simple.
It’s called telling Chrysalis to not mind fuck some fucker into letting us have nice shit. Chrysalis whimpered and made dog-like cries as I did that. “I just wanted something nice, okay!” She ‘eeped’ when I hugged her. “I…”
“Hey, I get it. I bet you weren’t really treated as a proper Queen while you were in power, and only received the downsides of it.” Chrysalis started to purr again. “Okay, you are not allowed to purr; it’s cute and it gives me heartburn.” The purring intensified. After that short little interaction, I ended up using Blaze as a pillow while I read some magazine about pretty mares, because that’s all the train had. Some lady named Sunny Skies, who looked oddly like Celestia described what she’d look like if she weren’t an alicorn, was in second place. First place was some unicorn named Fleur De Lis.
Weirdly, all of the Princesses were on here, with pictures of them. Cadance, was in first place, and I had to admit, she was pretty. Plus, Princess of Love; no way she’d break your fucking heart after not seeing you for just a week. Twilight was in last place, of the Princesses because she didn’t ‘have long, sexy legs’. Overall, this magazine looks and feels like it was written by some creep who had erectile dysfunction. Somebody who would… probably mentally break if anyone on the list ever spoke with them. So I threw that out the window, and just decided to sleep for the rest of the four hour trip.
You know, Canterlot is really underwhelming. It just looked like a fancier version of Everfree City, more modern, and that was it. The main focus in the city, despite this being where most of the nobles have holed up, the Canterlot Castle was clearly the main focus of the city. One glance at a map in the train station told me that pretty much every road, no matter how many turns and twists, took you to the castle. Given that Day Court and Night Court were both pretty popular, and a big reason to go to Canterlot, it made sense. It didn’t stop Canterlot from being underwhelming.
Though, after living in Tokyo before ending up in Equestria did this place no favors.
“So, where should we go first?” I asked Chrysalis. The queen hummed, turning to the nearby map, examining it, getting closer and closer to it.
“I know every nook and cranny of Canterlot Castle from the Royal Wedding, but not Canterlot itself… I would like to visit a cafe. That is something I wish I could’ve done, but never had the chance to,” the changeling clapped her hooves. “Can I go there? You don’t have to come, I would just like to know what it is like, to be a mare, sipping on an overpriced cup of coffee with too much sugar in it, and hearing gossip about how Fleur likes to ride every stallion in town! While pretending not to care for it. It would be just so fun!” The way Chrysalis’s eyes lit up in raw unfiltered happiness at the idea, I simply chuckled and shook my head.
“Well, I’ll let you do that. I know I wanna have a word or two with Celestia, and I figure dragging you there could be pretty bad. As much as Celestia preaches about love, acceptance, and forgiveness, I don’t trust her with you. For all I know, she would throw a random filly, who has a lot of mental issues, into whatever the fuck these ponies consider hell, if they slip up slightly. So I can let you do whatever while I talk to that asshat,” I looked down at Blaze. “Go with Chrysalis; she could use the company. Also I think the talk between myself and Celestia will be… a bit heated.”
Blaze nodded, before nuzzling up beside Chrysalis. “I’ll make sure our resident Queen doesn’t seduce anyone.”
“Hey! If I see a hunk, I want to kiss him and maybe make him redder than a tomato!” Chrysalis giggled. “I don’t seduce anyone; as much of a prissy, little prince that Shining Armor is, he is quite attractive. Terrible in bed, but he is very attractive.” Dunno who that is, but damn, that sucks to be you, whoever the fuck Shining Armor is. “We shall meet back here so we can book a hotel room at sundown?”
“Yeah. See y’all later,” Chrysalis hugged and planted a kiss on my forehead before happily pranced up the street with Blaze at her heels. I watched with a small smile, before sighing, and turning to face Canterlot Castle. You know, it might be on the side of a mountain, but it’s not as cool looking as the Castle of the Two Pony Sisters. Maybe it’s my Everfree City pride, maybe it’s me just being spiteful of those two Sisters, but Canterlot Castle looked like it was trying too hard to be grand and the symbol of prosperity. Meh, it doesn't matter how the castle looks, what matters are the two bitches inside.
I’m gonna talk to one of them bitches, try and get an audience with that bitch, and kindly tell them to also stay the fuck out of my life. I started walking up mainstreet before remembering I had a pair of wings. So I took to the sky and started heading towards the castle. If one thing never changes, it seems to be all the nobles; they were giving me the same disgusted look that they were giving me a thousand years ago. Ah, racism, even in a magical land full of horses, it’s always present.
You fucking horses. What? Celestia said it was a slur.
Anyways, I touched down, told the guards my business in being in the castle, and found myself in line, waiting for day court. I was next in line! Fuck yes! God, I started counting how many fingers I had because I was so goddamn bored! How many did I have? One. God, sometimes I miss being human, just to have a smartphone to dumbly look at photos of puppies to kill time. Thankfully, the next pony in line was retarded and, from glimpses of what I could hear(the door was cracked slightly open), was asking Celestia basic geometry shit.
When that fucker was done asking what A squared and B Square gets you, I was finally let in. Celestia’s smile faltered ever so slightly, probably because I looked dead inside, but I noticed it. In some ways, this mare was still the same; same face, just a little harder to make out any emotion behind it. We stared at each other, and the guards seemed to be a little pissy that I didn’t bow, or even say ‘good morning princess’. “So, I believe we will properly chat after you’re done running day court?”
“Straight to the chase as it appears… Day Court will be adjourned in an hour; you may wait in a side room. Ms. Inkwell?” Somebody, who just looks like their destiny is to be a secretary, looked up. She was a cute mare, all things told. I’m not on the market at the moment, but if I were, and if she’s on the market… Nah. Every woman with some type of power in the country is fucking mental. “Please lead Bald Ostrich to my private drawing room. I shall meet up with him once I am done here.” Inkwell, who I’m assuming is Celestia’s secretary nodded. I was let out of the throne room and down the hall.
“So. What’s your history with Celestia?” Inkwell asked. “I’ve seen Celestia in private; it’s rare for her to falter even a little bit. So you two clearly have history.”
“You see, a thousand years ago, I was dating her sister. Celestia and I were becoming friends, and then a little thing called destiny fucked that in half. I’m simply here to have a conversation with an old friend, an old friend who I believe, isn’t the same woman I used to chat and have a drink with. Then again, Luna did dump me within thirty seconds of meeting me… Meh, that’s just life for ya. It sucks shit.”
“What the buck are you on about? Are you mental?”
“I’m Bald Ostrich, typically I go by Ostri, but you can use my full name even if I hate it. I dunno if you’ve heard of me or not, but you probably haven’t. The only two that have recognized me are literal history nerds, so I don’t blame you.”
“I don’t believe I know who you are. In fact, I don’t think I’ve heard of anypony that goes by such a stupid name… No offense,” thank you for that. I am totally cool with you calling my name stupid now.
“Eh, if you didn’t recognize me, it wouldn’t matter.” Eventually, I found myself a chair, alone. I… honestly don’t know what to do. On one hand, this is a drawing room, on the other- is that Celestia’s diary? Oh-ho-ho. That is something I am going to read while I’m waiting… This is a recent rendition; it only goes back about two years ago. It starts off going on about a certain, purple pony that Celestia took under her wing. About how she’s so proud of how far Twilight Sparkle had come since leaving for Ponyville, and even expressing her happiness when that unicorn ascended…
D’aw, there’s a little sketch of the two of them reading a book by the fireplace, late into the night. Twilight was fast asleep, tucked under Celestia’s wing. The book was long forgotten, Celestia was just looking down at Twilight as a little filly. Okay, as much as I no longer care for this mare, I can appreciate just how adorable it is. And also admire just how much Celestia genuinely cared for this random filly that showed magical talent that Celestia hadn’t seen in all of her life.
Then I skipped ahead to something… more recent. It went into detail about seeing me for the first time, how it was both exciting and terrifying. On one hand, or hoof, Celestia was excited to see me again. Especially after being missing for the better part of a thousand years. It highlighted how… she actually finds me handsome, how she was actually kinda sad about- nope, nope. Not a shot in hell Celestia didn’t plan this.
This shit wouldn’t just be lying around in her drawing room. This would be under her bed somewhere. So I set the diary back where it was, and figured sleeping would be a better pastime. Of course, as soon as I finally managed to fall asleep, the door cracked open, and I shot back up onto my arse, and started sitting like a human. Celestia walked into the room, looking somewhat tired, before plotting her butt in the chair and reclining into it. A relaxed sigh escaped her lips before her ears shot up. Her eyes shot towards her diary before she glared at me.
“You read that, didn’t you?”
“I did. I didn’t read the whole thing, but I did. Didn’t know that you had a thing for Fluttershy at one point, but whatever.” I said with a cheeky little grin. Celestia’s blank expression was priceless. “Don’t give me that look; that mare’s adorable. I’m sure she’d love to ‘punish’ you for being such a naughty girl in Day Court today. You know what they say about the quiet ones: They’re the toughest bunch in the crowd. With how everyone is treating you, I bet you’d love yourself a mare, or a stallion, that makes you feel powerless in bed.” Celestia simply facehoofed.
“I should banish you to the moon for that one.”
“Do it. I always wanted to be an astronaut… Not really, being on the moon sounds like it would suck shit.” I brought a hoof up to my lips as I was chuckling. If it weren’t for the hoof, I would’ve ended up laughing my ass off. Sadly, I think both of us knew that I did not just show up for a friendly conversation. As Celestia took a deep breath. “So, are you trying to make me and Luna a couple again? Because I know Luna, and I doubt she’d run back to me after making her disinterest in me clear. And I definitely made it clear that I don’t plan on re-entering a relationship with her; I want to, I would’ve loved to keep dating her actually. But I can’t trust her to not just drop me at the drop of a hat again.”
“Ostri, do you understand your importance? You used to make Luna so happy, and I’ve taken a lesson or two from you even if my younger self could not. My little sister’s happiness should come first, and foremost to me. What she’s been through, her fall into darkness, her entire emotional state was my fault for not stepping up as her sister, and making sure she’s happy. And while Luna didn’t realize it, she does genuinely love you, and misses you as well. I certainly did; I know the two of us cried when you initially went missing.”
“Man, that's crazy. You sure didn’t seem to cry when I showed up and was thrown out, by your sister, like a sack of shit. But… that isn’t why I am here, Celestia. Whether or not we’re still friends entirely relies on how you treat me; like a person and not some cow you can lead to water. Because this cow will sooner kill himself than follow your lead. I’m here to ask you just what happened during that month between when I vanished and you banished your sister? Chrysalis told me you two waged war.”
Celestia grimaced. “It wasn’t just a month before I banished my sister, Ostri. She fell to her inner darkness and waged war against me for years. Her alter-ego, Nightmare Moon… hated me. She hated me because I represented the very country that shunned her so. Despite everything, she still treated her soldiers, which made up her Lunar Guard, with respect, and according to some of her captains, treated them well. My forces often… slaughtered my sister’s due to the sheer difference in numbers. Our final battle ended with my sister trying to retreat and then… I used the Elements of Harmony on her, sending her to the moon. Despite having more… barbaric tactics thanks to you, we both fought on an open field.”
“So you’re saying, if this ‘revolution’ managed to happen without me getting dragged into the future, I coulda overthrown you by not leading my soldiers into death like the Lunar Guards’ captains were a thousand years ago?”
“...That is a blunt way to put it, but yes. Most captains at the time, and most generals, cared more for honor rather than actual victory. You were technically a general due to you leading our forces against the griffins for one battle. Your tactics were… brutal to say the least. You can understand why I wrote you out of most curriculums for Equestrian history. Though if you stuck around, I had a feeling you would’ve tried to mediate and stop myself and Luna from going to war to begin with.”
“You’re right on that one. I don’t wanna fight the woman I’m dating, and I don’t wanna fight my friend. Given it’s either ‘fight the love of your life, or a good friend’ which, at the time, Luna and you fell into those categories respectively…” I sighed. “Kinda miss that, but you and Luna definitely do not care about me anymore. Or at least, not as a friend or anything remotely close. You, despite literally being the same mare, are almost recognizable in terms of raw personality. You’ve become smart, scarily so… Do you still wanna be an actress?”
“...Nopony has spoken with me about that for ages. Not even Twilight Sparkle knows that about me yet,” Celestia sighed. “I have always hoped to take a disguise, take a day off, and try performing in a play. Woe is me! I am forever trapped in a golden cage!” Celestia started doing all the theatrical motions and everything… She's good. “How was that? You think I could get away with being an actress for a day?”
“Yeah. Maybe meet up with that handsome stallion that’s playing the male lead after the play, perhaps make due on some love? As much as you feel like a stranger now, I feel like you at least deserve somebody to love. Have you got anyone in the last thousand years? I know you weren’t very interested after that one asshat tried rubbing up against your thighs on the first date.”
“Of course you’d remember what I told you about my first date…” we both chuckled. “Unfortunately, ruling a country almost entirely by myself left me no time for a relationship. Only three hundred years ago did I actually begin to be able to delegate anything and have any free time for myself. So about Luna, do you think you two could ever date again? I know it made you so happy to just snuggle up with Luna in front of the fireplace and help her out occasionally with her paperwork.”
“Nope. Why are you so goddamn adamant about me and Luna dating again? Do you need me anchored down in Equestria that badly?”
“I… I thought it would make you and Luna happy again, that perhaps, we could go back to the old days.”
“Celestia, remaining in the past is a solid way to remain stagnant. I love Luna, I miss her, I miss hanging out with you. But what did we have back then? That isn’t going to come back. I know that I’m in the future, and as much as I miss the past, the past is not the present, and the only way to the future is to keep marching on. Celestia, you may not know it, nor would Luna, but you two are like entirely different people to me right now. I would love to get to know the both of you more even if you’ve been trying to keep me in Equestria for whatever reason. Whether you’re telling me the truth or not about why you want me to stay in Equestria, I don’t care because I ain’t hanging around here for too much longer. But I know that what the three of us once had is long dead.” I sat back in my chair. Celestia’s ears were drooping, she was slouched over. “I never said we couldn’t be friends again, Celestia, but you’re gonna have to do a damn good job at keeping my trust.”
The next thing I knew, I was being hugged by Sunbutt. “I believe… I will make great strides to keep it then-”
The door slammed open with a thunderous thud. I jumped slightly, but being tucked under an alicorn’s wing kept me from fleeing the scene. “Sister!” Luna walked in wearing a starry sleeping cap, and a simple night gown. Wow, she looks adorable… Meh, I got a changeling and a kitsune to cuddle with. One of which is way cuter. “I have found out what ‘Modern Metal’ is recently and would like to ask if we can abolish that as a musical genre- oh hey Ostri!” She happily waved at me like we were best friends. We aren’t even that anymore, Luna.
“I’m going to go find Chrysalis and see how she’s enjoying being a noble prick. See you two around,” I slid out from under Celestia’s wing and walked out the door.
Author's Note
with time, all wounds will heal. but the scars will still remain.
The sun was just beginning to set as I finally found my way out of the castle. I sighed. I’m going to assume I walked into a trap, because there is no way Luna was somehow still awake at this hour; she doesn’t even wake up until seven or nine depending on the season. And it was still way too early for her to be awake. I would know; I only followed her sleep schedule for a bit in order to spend more time with her. Of course, I nodded to the night guards, before coming face to face with Chrysalis, who was disguised. “Howdy Sunny,” that was Chrysalis’s disguise name. “Fancy seeing you here.”
“Come on, we’re talking to Luna.”
“What?”
“You heard me. Lovebutt is in town, and I want to talk to Luna. I have reason to believe that the Princesses were trying to keep you in the Castle until Lovebutt got to speak with you. So come on, I have a Lunar Princess to yell at.”
“So where’s Blaze?”
“She’s hiding in a bush right now.”
“Just outside the wall, Ostri. I believe you and Chrysalis can handle Luna, Celestia, and ‘Lovebutt’ at the same time. Especially if you aren’t planning on being violent.”
“But I want to go home and go bed-” I didn’t get to argue, because Chrysalis threw me on her back, and started to drag me back into the castle. I still made no effort to fight back; she has magic, and I don’t think she’d let me get out of this. “C’mon, Chrysalis, I don’t wanna talk to the Princesses, I just got done talking to them!”
“And I want to make something very clear. Because if they don’t understand what I am going to tell them, I will drill it into their thick skulls and make sure they understand that they should leave you alone. I cannot do anything to them, but I will let them know that I am not completely socially inept. All Celestia and Luna think is ‘try again and maybe he’ll accept our apology’ when they both probably don’t even mean it. So I am going to tell them to give you some space and let you heal, because the longer that they do not, the longer it will take for you to heal. And you best be damned if I am letting my friend hurt the way you are.”
Chrysalis led us right back to the same sitting room I was in, set me down with her magic after taking her disguise off, and bucked the door in. Three alicorns slowly looked up towards us. On the coffee table was a cake that Celestia was helping herself to, Luna had gotten out of her sleepwear and was staring wide-eyed at us, and the Pink One was glaring at Chrysalis. “Ladies, I come in peace. No, I’m not mind controlling Ostri, as that would be a pretty poor thing to do to my best friend. I am simply here to chat, as… I am here to renounce my evil ways.” Chrysalis bowed. Chrysalis led me over to a chair, sat in it, before tucking me up against her chest. It… felt nice honestly.
I rested my head on one of Chrysalis’s forelegs, and sighed. I would probably take a nap if it weren’t for where we were.
“How can we believe that you’re not mind controlling Ostri into hating us?”
“His irises would be tinted green. Secondly, I do not cuddle with anypony I am mind controlling; I don’t wish to get attached to them, as I probably need them for a mission. I am willing to get attached to Ostri purely because he is one of the ponies that has treated me nicely, I don’t need him to complete any missions; I want to be close to him, and he has yet to have the chance to treat me harshly… Celestia. Do not think I forgot about how you tossed me out, shunned me, and denied my Hive provisions after your guards wiped out half of it. I am not here to be friendly or giddy about potentially becoming your friend again. Don’t even bucking try it. And Luna, do not think that we are going to be friends again.” Chrysalis sighed. “I am here on behalf of Ostri, because he doesn’t seem to want to tell you two to buck off.”
“Well, I would, and told Luna to fuck off. And in all fairness, I came to Celestia earlier.”
“I know you came to Celestia, you stupid, stupid little stallion. I bet she had something out to emotionally draw you in, and then cry about how she missed her younger days? Because that is a very typical way of trying to keep somepony around to manipulate them; I would know as it is only what my kind has done for centuries… Then King Thorax took over. I no longer care for my Hive, I know that they hate me, and understandably so. So I am not here to yell at you for that,” Chrysalis bowed to Pink. “And I have no Quarrels with you, Mi Amore Cadenza, even if you and I hate each other. And I do apologize for what I have done for you, even if I can not compensate you for the emotional trauma you’ve been put through.” Chrysalis gave me a nuzzle. Hey, at least Chrysalis was being civil, so she hopefully won’t get murdered.
“So… Ostri,” Celestia had finally opened her mouth. “I did not know you managed to reform Chrysalis.”
I shook my head. “It’s more like she’s behaving because I’m a good pillow.”
“Your back is quite nice to use as a pillow, you are correct.” Chrysalis had a more… playful glint in her eye. “Care to have me be more than a cuddlebug? I can please you way more than Luna has.”
“Nah, not yet at least. Though I do wanna test how good the side of your stomach is as a cushion. You are surprisingly soft for having an exoskeleton.” We both chuckled. “Anyways, Chrysalis is trying to improve on herself, and has been doing a pretty good job at it; she’s been lovely around me at least. So please don’t kill her, send her to Tartarus, or whatever the fuck.”
Celestia nodded. “...We won’t touch her. You two are not dating, are you?”
We both nuzzled each other, before laughing our asses off. I was actually crying by the time Chrysalis recovered. “No, we aren’t dating… Yet. I can understand that Ostri is still getting over getting dumped, and letting him recover before making a move. He is quite attractive, and quite friendly; I would not mind taking him as a mate.” She actually kissed the back of my head. “However, I am refraining, and will not make a move unless he asks me out on a date.” I blinked a couple of times, before looking up at her. I was still wheezing, but that took me by surprise. It took everyone else in the room by surprise given that they flinched. “Ostri, I want you to know that if I overstep any boundaries, then yell at me. I am your friend, and I would like to dive deeper into our relationship. But I will not make any moves if you are not searching for love.” Chrysalis nuzzled the back of my head.
God damn, Chrysalis, way to touch my heart… Fuck, Chrysalis is borderline psychotic, and she’s been more considerate about how I am feeling than Luna was. A small smile etched its way onto my face, hummed, and I went and nuzzled Chrysalis back. I didn’t wait to see how the Queen reacted, as she immediately shut up after I nuzzled her. “So, what’s with Princess Cadance being here? I know it’s not a coincidence that she’s here, not after probably having received word that her aunt’s old lover was ‘back from the grave’ or whatever. So, what’s up with you?” I nodded to Cadance. The mare was all too happy to begin talking when I gave her the chance to.
“Hello Ostri! My name is Cadance, you probably heard of me if you somehow knew my name. So you were alive a thousand years ago?”
“Yeah. And now I’m here, in the future, wondering why the fuck I haven’t thrown myself off a cliff while keeping my wings closed already. Then I remember that I have a kitsune that would somehow bring me back to life, yell at me for killing myself, and then kill me again for making her cry. Anyhow, you never answered my question, and I don’t like being toyed with; your aunts don’t get that though.”
“Well, when I got word that you dumped Luna, after she was so worried about you, I had to come to meet you in the flesh. Why did you dump my auntie?” I blinked a couple of times. “She told me in her letter that she dearly missed you, and that-”
“Luna,” I turned to the Princess in question. Cadance opened her mouth again in the corner of my eyes. “Shut the fuck up, Cadance, the adults are talking.” Wow, she has a brain, because she slowly closed her jaw. “Luna, how fucking stupid are you? Because as far as I’m aware, you dumped me, and I turned you down after you tried to make me feel bad about you dumping me. Did you seriously decide to lie to your fucking niece, the princess of love, to try and get her into talking me into dating you?” I hummed. “That was a dumb way to phrase that, but you…” I facehoofed. “You know what? Fuck it, I’m done. I’m done with you, Luna. Celestia, you can also go fuck yourself, since you probably had a hoof in this. Chrysalis, let’s grab Blaze, and let’s go find a hotel.”
I hopped out of my chair, and gave one last glimpse of Luna. She was actually crying. “Save yer feckin’ tears, you stupid cunt.” I led Chrysalis out, but it seemed the Queen still needed to have the last word.
“Luna, you disgust me. Learn how to treat your mate, you heartless bitch,” The Queen spat.
Chrysalis lifted me up, and we were suddenly melting into the floor… And we were in front of the gates. After we retrieved Blaze, we quickly found ourselves sleeping in a cheapo hotel, which was only twenty bits a night. Sure, the bed was shit, but that’s what Blaze was for. However, I was in the mood for a shitty bed, so I laid down on it, and grabbed my head with my forehooves. God, this fucking sucks. Why can’t Luna and Celestia let me live my goddamn life? I thought we were getting somewhere again, when Celestia claimed to be trying to earn my trust again, and nah, nah… Sick the motherfucking Princess of Love on me, you fucking pricks. I give up on dealing with them. If they fuck with me again, they will not find me, ever. No one will find me. I will happily fly to some secluded island and live my life out in isolation.
I rested my head on my forelegs and started crying. Then something laid on top of me. “I can tell that the Princesses managed to make things worse for you,” that was Chrysalis. “Worry not, they will not bother you again. I will make sure they can cause you no more heartache.”
“I’m just sick and done being a fucking emotional punching bag! One moment, me and Celestia were actually beginning to understand each other again. One moment, me and Luna were happily going about our lives separately, and I was actually beginning to be happy again! And then what? What do my old friends do? Nah, medal with my life, fucking bug me at every god damn turn. When I came to yell at Celestia, that was on me, this? This fucking shit? Nah, nah, nah. I am so sick of ponies. I’m so sick of being a pony. Fucking god- at least when I was a human, I expected to hate my life. Here? Nah, it’s just been an emotional shitshow for no goddamn reason!” I could feel my eyes begin to sting as my tears began to stain the bed.
Chrysalis nuzzled me. “I know, I can sense how you’re feeling… Do you wish to continue venting? I'm here for you, Ostri. Blaze is here for you. We won’t make fun of you if you want to cry. What Luna and Celestia are doing to you is… Simply terrible.” I raised my head, before letting my head hit the mattress. Hopefully… Tomorrow will be better.
So the next day, I figured it would be my turn to explore Canterlot, while Chrysalis makes sure we have enough bits to buy a wagon. It was decided that a wagon would be cheaper, in the long run, than paying for train tickets constantly, and probably more fun; I always wanted to go on a road trip, and that was as close as I was getting to a road trip. So Chrysalis stayed in the motel, counting my bits, while Blaze stayed in her company. Now, Blaze’s eyes didn't have a green tint, so I’m assuming Blaze just wanted to spend time with Chrysalis. I heard giggling after I left. One peek in the window told me all I needed to know.
Chrysalis was getting tickled by Blaze as soon as I left the motel room.
So Canterlot… it’s nice looking. It’s not that big, because it’s stuck to the side of a mountain, but it’s pretty big despite that. Though in terms of area… It probably wasn’t much bigger than Everfree City was. And there were probably less ponies living in Canterlot. There were fewer, larger homes in what is basically the same footprint of the old capital. Not that it mattered, since these ponies are no longer ponies I need to tend to. After all, I only slaughtered a battalion of griffins for my friends, not because of Equestria. And those… Friends are shitty friends, so these nobles won’t get any protection from me. Like it matters anymore.
Anyways, I found myself sitting outside of a cafe, sipping on some water, because I didn’t wanna waste money on a coffee(it was five bits for just a small cup of that shit!). And water was free. So there I was, happily humming away at a tune. Oddly, now that the Princesses are probably gonna leave me alone, I felt way better. And this left me with my thoughts on Chrysalis. Now on one hoof, I don’t want to get hurt again. On the other, we’re both lonely and want love for one reason or another. Chrysalis needs love to live, and probably wouldn’t mind being loved… I just want to love somebody and feel appreciated. Chrysalis… is pretty, that’s for god damn sure. Like… I dunno, she’s got nice legs, she’s fucking tall. Tall mares are cool. Also she’s adorable when she gets excited… Hm.
Yeah, when I get back I might ask Chrysalis if she’s down to start dating. We both could probably be a really good couple, and we could tell our beloved Diarchs to go fuck themselves together! Of course, because my thoughts are stupid, I shook my head. Ain’t no shot in hell Chrysalis would… She has been nuzzling me and even said she wouldn’t mind being my mate. Yeah, I’ll go tell her how I feel once I’m done exploring. I was just about to get up and go explore some more of Canterlot, until I heard the chair across from me whistle as it was scooted back with some light blue magic.
“I knew I’d be able to track you down,” I looked up from the newspaper I was reading… How the fuck did Cadance find me? “The Guards in Canterlot were ordered to keep an eye out for a stallion matching your description, and to report your every move. I think it’s a bit creepy, but I’m not one to question why my aunts do what they do. I’m only here to ask you one question. What actually happened between you and Auntie Luna? From what I heard, you two were sweethearts. And after talking to Auntie Luna… She admits to genuinely missing you, or how you so adamantly defended her when given the opportunity. You clearly also loved her, and… It seems like you hate her now.”
“Cadance, I am not going to yell at you; you were just told the wrong shit. I just want to ask… Why should I date somepony that has wholeheartedly told me that our relationship was just a front to them? That there was never really ‘love’ between us? Luna…” I told her. I told Cadance what Luna did to me. When I was done, she had hopped around the table and draped a wing over me.
“Why the buck is Luna not giving you space? I know, I know she knows what she’s doing; she’s just as clever as Celly. Yet she decides…”
“I believe you know of my role in history?” Cadance nodded. “I think Celestia still thinks I am excellent with war, even if I don’t know what I’m doing. All I did was introduce guerilla warfare to Equestria, have a tussle with a griffin general, and blow up his army with fireworks. So I have two theories and neither makes sense to me. She either missed me and genuinely sucks at making me want to stay in Equestria, or she thinks I still hold value and wants to keep me anchored- Get the fuck down!” I tackled Cadance after seeing a flash in my peripheral vision.
The sound of glass shattering filled my ears. Luckily, me and Cadance rolled away from the window, so I don't think we caught any shards of glass, but I won’t hold my breath. Standing before me was… a Griffin, an angry looking one with a crossbow clutched in one of his claws. “Move aside, pony, I just want the Princess.” He had a few knives strapped to his side.
“Hmm…” I hummed. Now I have an idea, a bit of a violent one, but an idea. “Sure,” Cadance, who was still lying on the ground stared up at me in awe. “What? I have zero loyalty to Equestria; I don’t give a shit about what happens to any of its Princesses either.” The griffin happily tried to shove me aside, thinking I would happily let him do whatever the fuck to Cadance. That was his mistake. I quickly used my teeth to swipe a knife off his little strap, before shoving it in the back of his head. He had zero time to think, before crashing to the ground, and was definitely dead. I slammed my hoof down into the pommel of the knife, driving it deeper into his skull; I’m making sure he’s dead.
“O-oh m-my! What in Equestria!? You just killed somepony!” Cadance shouted. “And… you also saved my life in doing so. I thought-“
“I was lying. Whatever the fuck he was gonna do to you probably wasn’t going to be pretty. I’m not a sociopath; I wouldn’t let somebody get dragged off to get murdered, tortured, raped, whatever the fuck he had planned for you. What matters is that somebody, for whatever reason, probably wants you dead.” I kicked the griffin’s corpse. “And this won't be the last attempt on your life, if watching shitty movies is anything to go off of.” I tapped my chin.
“So what do we do?”
“Go tell your aunts, don't leave the castle unless you got a fuckload of guards. Hell, if you can, you’re probably allies with changelings now. Ask if one is willing to act as your doppelgänger. Then when you leave, send them out first, and then sneak out a backway if you have to go do Princess things. That’s all my advice, c’mon, let’s get you somewhere safer than out on the streets.” I looked at a guard who was staring at me. I don’t know where the heck he came from.
“Sir I would-“
“Would you rather have Princess Cadance dead? Or would you like this assassin to be dead instead?”
“I was just saying, on behalf of the Royal Guard, thank you. You acted faster than any of us could, and you did it so… cleverly. I think the captain would be happy to hear that his wife is safe, and would be even happier to hear the methods used to keep her safe. I sure as buck wouldn’t have thought to ‘give up’ anypony I was guarding in that situation.” We started heading towards the castle. Because standing around in the open, while knowing somebody wants you dead is a really solid way to wind up dead.
I simply started chuckling. “I didn’t do shit. That fucker just made the mistake of showing himself too early. Probably some rookie or some shit, but that’s whatever.” I nudged Cadance. “How are you feeling? You did just watch me kill a guy?”
“You feel no remorse for killing that griffin?” Cadance shivered. “I can’t imagine going out like that.”
“Oh, I feel bad, but I chose the lesser of two evils… I’ll probably have nightmares over this; sometimes I have nightmares over the Battle of Everfree City. I just do what’s necessary to keep somebody safe.” I looked at the guard, and noticed that the guard following us was also a pegasus. An idea sprouted in my head. “We have wings, let’s just fly to the castle.” Nopony had any argument against that, so me, the guard, and Cadance took to the sky, and we were off to go deliver the news.
The Friendship Festival, Wow.
So, I just delivered the news to Celestia and Luna about what had happened. Sunbutt was sitting on her throne in contemplation. “I am not sure who would want Princess Cadance dead; nopony would want to threaten one of Equestria’s Princesses, when Equestria is the most powerful nation on Equus… I have a few theories, such as Tirek trying to make a comeback, but I could be wrong. Ostri, perhaps you would have any ideas you’d like to share?” I shrugged. I honestly didn’t care that much. Sure, Cadance was in danger, but she’s still alive. So really what happens from here doesn’t feel like my problem. “Perhaps you have a few ideas as to how we can keep her safe?”
I shrugged. “No clue, your highness, but I don’t see how this is my problem. I kept Cadance alive initially, and that’s all I had to do at the moment. I don’t particularly care about what happens afterwards. I will say that you probably shouldn’t let her leave the palace without a disguise, and maybe run magical scans on everyone to make sure they aren’t gonna wanna kill somebody. I think magic can do that, but I dunno; I’m not the one with the horn. So if you’re done questioning me about whatever the fuck I don’t give a shit about, then that’s cool. I’m gonna go shop for a wagon with Chrysalis and get started on my little roadtrip with her and Blaze.”
The doors opened, and some white guy came walking in, along with Twilight Sparkle for some fucking reason. “I heard something happened with my wife?” He asked. Yeah, it was a white unicorn with a purple mane with a pinker-purple streak in it. The dude was huge for a unicorn, jesus.
Cadance nodded. “Something did happen, Shiny. Somegriffin tried to kill me! Then… Ostri saved my life,” she was sitting up by the Princesses. “Though he doesn’t seem to really care about what happens now.”
I shrugged. “Course I don’t. I don’t hate you, Cadance; that’s why I saved your life, since you tried to at least be friendly and understanding after I got mad at your aunt. But if somebody wants to wage war with you bitches, that’s not my problem. I’m just trying to regain my footing after getting tossed into a world full of magical, talking horses, and then regaining it again after being tossed into the future of that world full of magical, talking horses. I really don’t care about this bullshit, and have zero loyalty to this country or its leaders. I’ll happily defend somebody if you pay me though; I could use some extra bits to pay for that wagon.” I nudged towards the door. “I also would rather just go about my life, and not deal with you asshats.”
“You don’t care about my wife being in danger?” Shiny’s hoof came down with a thunderous crack. “Do you have any sense of justice?”
I chuckled. “I did, but your Princesses ran through every single fuck I used to give. The smartest pony on the planet would not be able to come close to calculating the amount of bullshit they’ve put me through, and I don’t think any quantum physics expert would be able to come to any reality where there’s a slight chance that I care. Your wife’s still alive, ain’t she? Be happy I didn’t sit by and let her get nailed, in the head, by a fucking crossbow, because she was trying comfort me. Hell, be happy the person that tried to kill her, didn’t drag Cadance off to rape and then kill her. Because I stepped in when I needed to.” I nodded to Cadance. “I might guard you, and I would, but I wanna get away from Equestria. So good luck with your future endeavors, don’t grow into your dickwad aunts.” I spun around to Twilight, who was glaring at me. “Why are you here? Shouldn’t you-”
“You know, since you were here, I was going to invite you to the Friendship Festival, but after what you just said? My sister in law could’ve died!” This bitch just slapped me! And it didn’t hurt that much.
“Man, that’s crazy.” I started rubbing my cheek. “Oh yeah, Cadance is sitting right, fucking, next to Sunbutt and Moonbutt, unharmed. Still alive, given that she’s breathing air, blinking, and wide eyed right now. Probably traumatized since I shoved a knife into a dude’s skull right in front of her, but that’s also not my problem. I also thought I was clear with how little I give a damn right now. So, Sparky, I won’t attend your retarded festival even if you actually want me there or not; Friendship’s a dumb thing to celebrate. Cherish your friends, not fucking- I give up. I’m gonna go back to my motel if you guys don’t mind.”
“Now,” Celestia’s horn lit, and I found myself unable to walk out of the room. Mostly because her magic was holding one of my hooves down. “I believe you could benefit from attending the Friendship Festival; you could learn the values of friendship, and possibly make some new friends. So why not stick around and attend?”
“...Because fuck you. I’m not exactly in the mood to listen to you right now, Celestia.”
Celestia’s ears drooped a little. “I’m… Ostri, you can bring Chrysalis, you can bring Blaze. I’m certain you three can at least enjoy yourselves.” I could almost hear the ‘please don’t leave Equestria’ that she probably wanted to say, but couldn’t.
“I swear to fuck, you motherfuckers are about to get bombarded by the same motherfuckers that tried to kill Cadance during this festival. I’ll stick around to tell you ‘I told you so’. If I’m feeling generous, I will happily help out. I’ll have to really enjoy the festival to raise my mood…” I shrugged. “Sure, I’ll stick around for the festival. Then you all can go fuck yourselves Once it’s over.” I would’ve added an offhoof remark, but I also like not getting sent to the moon for ‘insulting the heart of Equestria’ or some shit. I’m also surprised I’m hearing of this festival just now, since the newspaper I was reading earlier had nothing about it… Then again I was mostly doing the word search I found halfway through it, so I didn’t really read it.
That was a fun word search, lemme tell you. All the words were about breakups and depression being bad for you. Weirdly, it was a word search printed by Princess Cadance.
Anyways, I was finally let go from that shithole. Not without receiving the stink eye from Shining Armor. Well, he actually tried to sucker punch me. I ducked under his swing, grabbed his hoof with my teeth, before slamming him into the ground. That… Was actually kinda hard, this motherfucker was huge, and was actually kinda hard to throw around. “Man, I can feel the love tonight. I bet Simba and Nala would happily sing about how there is love in the air on this wonderful Tuesday.” I put my hoof on Shiny, keeping him pinned. “Next time you swing at me, I’m breaking your leg. My moral compass is a little shit right now, so I might just break your nose while I’m at it. Now go tend to your fuckin’ wife before you get angry at me for not wanting to guard her with my life. You’re captain of the Royal Guard, literally just stick by her; she’ll be way better protected with you nearby than me anyways. Now fuck off, will ya?” Shining Armor grunted, and I was allowed to leave without further annoyances.
When I got to our motel room, there was a fresh, new wagon sitting out in front of it. In the distance, I could hear some fuckers singing about shit I could not be asked to listen to. Blaze was laying in the wagon, and she perked up when she saw me. “You took so long, that Chrysalis went and bought a sizable wagon; it only costs about thirty bits, and I can make it move fairly easily with my telekinesis, so none of us have to pull it.” She hopped out of the wagon, rubbing up against me. “You reek of Pony Princesses, what happened?”
“I saved the Pink One from getting shot in the head, and then kicked the shit out of her husband.” Blaze grinned. “Anyways, Sunbutt wants us to join in on some fucktarded festival, so we’re gonna have to attend that before we can get going.” Blaze sighed. “I know, it’s about friendship.”
“That sounds pretentious and stupid.”
“It is.” We both chuckled at our shared, newfound hatred for ponies. “So, where’s our favorite bug pony? I wanna let her know what the hell we have to attend.” Chrysalis poked her head out of our motel room’s door. “Ah, there you are. I assume you just heard of the retarded shit we have to go?” Chryssy nodded. “Anywho, what were you doing?”
“Canceling our motel room; we don’t need it now that we have a wagon to sleep in. It has a nice bed in it, and we have a kitsune to sleep on if need be. So we have to go to a festival… Well, I suppose it would be a good chance to show that I have reformed…” Chrysalis shrugged. “Let’s just go and get this over with. With hope, we can leave because we’re feeling ‘sick’ and want to go throw up in a bush… and then teleport back to the wagon and leave as soon as anyone realizes what is going on.” I nodded.
That’s when I remembered something. “So Chrysalis, you know how you said you wouldn’t mind having me be your mate?” Chrysalis nodded, her ears perked up. “Well… Any possible love I held for Luna’s dead, Celestia sure as hell ain’t getting any room in my heart. So far, aside from Blaze, you’ve considered how I’ve been feeling the most out of anyone. I have a newfound appreciation for those who give me space when I need it, and take care of me when I need it.” I cleared my throat and walked up to the Queen and bowed. “I would be honored if you took a chance with me; this stupid festival could be our first date!” I swear, you could see the loading bar in Chrysalis’s eyes while she processed what I had just asked her.
It was kinda cute.
“You… actually wish to court me?” Chrysalis tilted her head. To answer the question, I trotted up to Chrysalis’s side, and nuzzled into it, looking up at her. “I… See. I suppose we both should get dressed if this is our first date together. Sadly, I know I don’t own any dresses; they all got blown up. Do you happen to have a suit?” I shook my head. “Phooey. Oh well, we can just go in our birthday suits; I would rather be able to watch your muscles as you move, rather than have them be hidden. I’m certain that you’d rather be able to see my legs, you little pervert.”
“Oi, having a dress means you just get to tease everyone with your nice legs any time you let’em slip. Though… I do like your legs, very nice. Why are there holes in them if you don’t mind me asking?”
Chrysalis shrugged. “Buck if I know, I haven’t paid any thought to it… Does it make my legs look less appealing?
“Nah, it makes you look cooler, if nothing else.” I grinned and looked Chrysalis up and down. “Your face is the best part of you anyways; a dress would be nice, but I doubt it would do anything to your face.” We chuckled, before Chrysalis got in the wagon, and Blaze started moving it with her voodoo bullshit.
Along the way, we found a fireworks store. I had an odd feeling that I might need a bunch in the future, so I bought a couple dozen, and a box of matches. I rather not deal with Murphy, hence the fireworks. They were pretty cheap for how big they were supposed to be. Eventually, we were pretty much at the edge of Canterlot, where Blaze decided to try and hide the wagon, or even do the following:
“I shall lead the wagon down Mount Canterlot,” Blaze said as we got out basically in front of Canterlot. Because I guess that’s where we’re supposed to enter the festival.
I shook my head. “Just leave it out here, nobody’ll steal it, it’ll be fine!” It probably won’t, but not because the wagon’s getting stolen. When we got into the festival it looked… underwhelming. My whelmed meter is a little over under, actually, but a little away from over. On the brightside, a lot of ponies were sending glares to Chrysalis, who wasn’t paying them any mind. She just strolled forward with all the regality that comes with her being a Queen. I occasionally saw one of the Elements amongst the crowd, probably doing something to help out with the celebration of friendship! Oh yeah, for some fucking princesses were out and about.
This time they had guards, wow. Celestia tried to walk over to us, but Chrysalis grabbed me by the scruff of my neck and dragged me into an alleyway. With a teleportation spell, we ended up on the opposite side of the plaza from where Celestia was. “We are not going to have that horse ruin our date. This is for us, not for her.” She gestured towards a little water gun booth. “Let’s partake in some of the festivities, shall we?” Blaze yipped before running ahead like any excitable animal. The booth guy ran away at the sight of us though, screaming ‘changeling!’ For some reason.
Ponies, racist little shits.
Anyways, I managed to get a booth owner to remain calm long enough to buy cotton candy from them. Me and Chryssy shared a puff, while Blaze got her own, getting some in her ears somehow, but not her lips or cheeks. How? I dunno, but Blaze is basically a magical entity, so she doesn’t have to make sense. Overall, we were having a decent time as long as we ignored all the propaganda about friendship being magical or some shit, because that was a goddamn lie. Especially when a few ponies pass by and give me the stink eye for cuddling the thing they were already giving a stink eye to.
Chrysalis and I booped noses when we didn’t realize we were out of cotton candy.
Oh hey, everyone’s singing a song about friendship. How cool. Chrysalis visibily cringed, and somebody tried to pull me into the song and dance. I didn’t, I don’t want any part in this shit. Twilight flew by and hit us with water while soaring into the sky while singing about how she’s the Princess of Friendship.
I only didn’t set a firework off in my mouth because Blaze wouldn’t let me.
Oh fuck, a storm cloud.. Nevermind, that’s an airship carrying the will of Satan. Once the ship touched down, some dog looking-bitch walked down, announced the Storm King, and then his commander. The commander came out in a stupid cloud of smoke, staring down at the Princesses that I was inching towards. Fuck me and my moral compass; I’m actually going to help them despite everything that’s happened. Twilight got done trying to talk to the unicorn with a broken horn, I decided it was my turn to speak up.
“Hey, tell your King to go fuck himself,” I had a bundle of fireworks next to me. “Go get back on your ship, or you will regret waking up today.”
“And what are you going to do if I don’t leave, hmm?” The unicorn, who was named Tempest Shadow, asked. “Shoot fireworks to celebrate your defeat?”
“Listen, everyone here was having a dandy ol’ time, celebrating friendship. Me? I’m just enjoying my date that you interrupted. Quit being a cunt and talk, or leave. Because… I may look like it, but I’m not a pony. I am more than willing to kill you, burn down everything you care about, and then slaughter any and all troops…” Tempest didn’t budge. “Meh.” I tilted the fireworks forward, aiming them up at the entrance. I lit it before anyone could stop me. Tempest was surprisingly quick to react, jumping out the way… The ship got blown to shit though. Everyone in the crowd sat in horror as burnt, humanoid bodies flew to the ground, some were not fully intact, and almost all of them were dead. Chrysalis hopped in front of me and used a shield. The Princesses collectively shielded the crowd from the debris from what remained of the ship.
When Tempest hit the ground, she turned to me with wide eyes. “W-what did you just… Just do?” She was actually shaking slightly in fear.
“You didn’t take heed to my warning, lady. As much as I hate everyone standing behind me, I also don’t like the idea of your stupid king enslaving them, or doing whatever the fuck he wants with the Princesses. Chryssy, use your magic to strip her of anything that could be used as a weapon.” Immediately, four… balls fell to the ground and quickly rolled towards us. Huh. Twilight tried to touch one when it reached her hooves. “Twilight, don’t fucking touch that. If you have any common sense, you’d know that’s a weapon, and it’s probably designed to deal with alicorns. So maybe… Don’t touch it.” I grabbed a knife I had concealed under my wing.
“I-I… You just killed my entire army!” Tempest was backing away from us, shivering in terror.
“Man, nobody remembers that one pony, that one pony that wiped out a fucking clan of griffins?” I looked around. “Well, once upon a time, a pony loved a Princess. Because he loved that Princess, he defended her, and her capital city from griffins who wanted her head. That pony killed every single griffin that tried to hurt the Princess… That was nearly a thousand years ago, if I recall correctly,” I tilted my head. “That pony was me, Bald Ostrich, by the way. If that bit wasn’t basically erased from history, these ponies would probably have some backbones.” I shrugged. “Oh well. I’ll just reteach the world that you don’t attack my home while I’m alive.” I pointed the knife at Tempest. “Now, surrender, or I will cut your stomach open and let you bleed out while you contemplate everything you thought was a good idea. If you’re lucky, I’ll just stab you in the heart!” Yeah, I’m riding on all that sweet, sweet anger and hatred that’s been festering since Luna dumped me.
I will make due on my threats if Tempest doesn’t surrender.
“I… I concede. “ Tempest fell to her knees, so I put the knife up.
“Coolio. Well Celestia-” Oh sick, even she is shaking slightly… Hah! An arm hit Luna and she’s covered in blood, and her eyes look like the eyes of somebody who just shat themselves. That’s funny. “I did my job. I’mma go take a nap, have fun!” Chrysalis and Blaze followed me, until we got dragged into the aftermath of this bullshit.
So, after chucking Tempest Shadow in the dungeons, I was dragged up to the throne room, again, sitting across from the Princesses. Blaze was at my left, Chrysalis at my right. The three of us were facing all four Princesses. Luna was still slightly covered in blood, but I’m willing to bet that she’ll live. I was sipping on some water, while Celestia was taking several deep breaths, likely trying to figure out what to say. Overall, I’m having a dandy old time. Oh, and Cadance and Twilight were there because they were technically rulers of Equestria as well.
“I suppose I shall start,” Luna said. “Why did you help us? And why were you at the festival?”
I shrugged. “For your second question, you literally watched your sister force me to go to that shitshow; I didn’t wanna go. I actually wanted to leave Equestria for good. For your first? Well, I was actually using the festival as an excuse to go on a date with somebody, and Canterlot being invaded by an evil-looking unicorn and a shitton of humanoids seemed like it would interrupt my date. And possibly hurt Blaze and the pony I’m dating; I wasn’t gonna sit back and let that happen.” I shrugged. “By the way, I attended your festival, so I’m out.” I sat up to immediately get the hell out of here.
Twilight grabbed me with magic. “You don’t feel any remorse?! You killed an entire airship full of creatures!” She shouted.
“Would you rather have everyone you know and love be dead? That’s what happenes when you lose a war. Shit like that happens because that was what was going to happen when you tried talking to Tempest Shadow. You. Don't. Talk. Shit. Out. With. Ponies. Like. Her. You kick their shit in and show them why you are not to be messed with. And yeah, I feel a little bad, I'll definitely lose some sleep over it, but guess what?” I nuzzled Chrysalis. “My date is safe, Canterlot is safe for now, and you’re still alive. Some nice, silver lining.” I shrugged. I also couldn’t help but chuckle when everyone was seemingly shocked either at how me and Chrysalis are dating, or how nonchalant I am about this.
“I would like to ask you, Ostri,” Celestia finally spoke up. “I feel as though Equestria is inbound for a war. Would you be willing to assist us? I heard what you said; you at least care about my little ponies not getting hurt.” She smiled. “After the war is over, I will-“
“You got four alicorns, a fuckload of Lunar Guards, and a fuck ton of Solar Guards. The Storm King’s commander is behind bars. You also have magical artifacts that place your country as the strongest in the world. What is going to happen is you’re going to let me leave, or I am going to come back with fireworks and shoot them off in the palace. I’m seriously sick of your shit, with you making me attend festivals, manipulating me at every turn, and pretending like you even care about me. I will kill you, Celestia, if you don’t get the fresh fuck out of my life,” I snarled. “Now, let me leave. That’s all I want.”
Luna glared at me. “What happened to the stallion I fell in love with? You are so nonchalant about mass-killing sentient life, and you’re threatening myself and my sister? Have you no care, you ungrateful whelp-“
I started laughing like a maniac. “Oh. So now our relationship meant something to you! Wow! If only you fucking started with that after we first reunited, and I would’ve happily helped you stomp out the Storm King’s race. And I, not thinking of the people that I just killed, as people help a lot with not feeling remorse; I’m going to hell. Won’t stop me from having nightmares, but it helps. And Luna, you wonder why I threaten Celestia, when you two have done nothing but cause me to wish I was aborted before my biological mother decided to abandon me. Now…” I sighed. “Am I allowed to leave? That’s legit all I’ve been trying to do for a week straight, so let me leave.” Celestia simply nodded. She was crying. “Save the tears, you fuckin’ twat.”
Luna flew from her throne, before landing in front of me. “Ostri, I just wanted to let you know that… I am so sorry. I now understand just how much our relationship ending has affected you. But I do not understand why you decided to become a monster! When you first killed those griffins, you were at least capable of showing remorse! You just killed just as many, if not more yetis, and you don’t care! Even if you’re feeling angry, if you hate me, you should still care about what you just did!” Luna slapped me across the face. “You, you do not deserve to be loved if you keep that attitude up.”
“Ah, that one thing I’ve believed in since I was born. Luna, you’re telling me I’m a sack of shit, for protecting your subjects for you? Yeah, my reasoning was a bit selfish, but what about that is different than when I killed those griffins? I fought them because they wanted you dead. I did it because I loved you and wanted to keep you safe. I killed those yetis because they were threatening Blaze and Chrysalis. Sure, what I did also protected your ponies, but I did it for my loved ones, not for the masses. Hell, there’s probably a tiny part of me that did it for you, because that part still loves you for whatever fucktarded reason I have.” I let out a long, deep sigh from my nostrils. “I fucking hate you, Luna.”
The doors behind us slammed open and a yeti walked in. “I am looking for the one who blew up his majesty’s vessel and captured Captain Tempest,” he looked at me directly. “The Storm King has an offer for you,” how the fuck does he know who I am? “If you walk away, and allow the Storm King to conquer Equestria, he will not harm you. He will not harm your loved ones. If you-”
“Ah man, that’s crazy. I was just about to leave anyways. Though lemme get this straight,” I lunged and pinned the fucker to the ground. “You lay a hand on Chrysalis or Blaze… Send a word to your king. If he leaves me alone, I have no reason to fight him. If he comes for my friends, I will make him watch as I crush his heart. I will wipe you, your fucking wife, everyone you know and love, off the face of the fucking earth. Do. Not. Fucking. Test. Me.” I grabbed my knife. “Just for a reminder of why you leave me alone,” I snarled. In one swift movement, I cut one of his thumbs off, before cutting the other thumb off. The yeti beneath me screamed in agony. “Now, go tell your King to fuck off.” I hopped off of the piece of shit, before turning to Blaze and Chrysalis. “Let’s leave. There’s nothing left for us here.”
Right before we got through the doors, I turned back for a split second. “Luna. I did love you, truly loved you, even without you being the only mare I talked to a thousand years ago. Go to our old bedroom and look in my nightstand. I want you to know what you ruined by being a cunt.”
With that, Chrysalis grabbed Blaze, and I flew out of a window after breaking it.
The three of us landed in our wagon, we hopped on, and started heading up north. I wanna see what the griffons are up to. “Hey Ostri,” Chrysalis finally spoke up. I sideyed here. “Remind me to catch you when you are angry; it’s kind of hot.” We both had a good laugh, and we both leaned into each other as it was time for the start of our new lives as nomads.
This is the start of a new day.
Author's Note
A tad bit on the shorter side, but I believe this would be a place to send it off. Ostri gets to live his life, seeing the world. Equestria’s rulers don’t exactly like him anymore, so he has nothing to tether him down to a nation he has no care for.
Maybe I will write another sequel, diving into Chrysalis’s relationship, or another story that would be a collection of small stories about Ostri’s journey across the world.
Either way, this was Dawn of a New Day, thank you all for reading thus far.