The Dumb and only Chapter
On a small beach with golden sand, a group of ponies were enjoying a day out. Twilight Sparkle was relaxing with her five closest friends, and Cheese Sandwich. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash were currently on a stroll together, the speedy pegasus occasionally showing off to her companion. Rarity and Applejack relaxed side by side chatting with Pinkie Pie and Cheese. Twilight was currently a few pony lengths from the two couples, eyes closed, enjoying the feeling of the salty wind in her mane.
Further up the shore, within an easy trotting range, Celestia and Luna sat under a large sun umbrella, talking quietly between themselves. Little did the relaxed pair of royals know, but their day off was about to be interrupted...
Discord suddenly appeared between the pair. “Good afternoon ladies.”
“Hello Discord, I’m glad to see you here.” Celestia smiled back.
Luna sat up and took a step away from the lord of chaos. “Yes, although you are interrupting our moment.”
“Well... if this is an interruption...” Discord mused. A sly grin crept out onto the lord of chaos’s mug and he shared a look with Celestia.
Discord quickly picked Celestia and Luna up by their asses, his claws lightly dug into Celestia’s cutie mark as he left both princesses dangling in his grip. The lord of chaos smirked as he glanced between the two ponies he had captured. “Whatever should I do with two juicy princesses?”
“Let me go!” Princess Luna struggled, swinging back and forth to try and break from of the tyrannical hold, a light blush upon her dark muzzle at being dangled in such an uncompromising position.
Meanwhile, her sister cheered gamely as she let her white hooves dangle loosely. “Oh, noes... whatever shall I do? I’m captured by such a tall, handsome, powerful creature.”
“You know...” Discord admired his sunny catch, licking his lips. “I would smack that flank, but my other hand is currently busy.”
“I can help.” A Discord copy in bathing trunks with a rubber ring appeared before the trio.
“Oh, alright... But don’t you let Twilight catch you slapping the moon.” Discord winked at Luna.
The lunar princess huffed. “Just let me-.”
A loud slap rang out across the beach as Beachcord slapped celestia’s rump. The solar princess let out a moan and shuddered.
Luna recoiled. “Really sister?”
Beach Discord ran both hands down Celestia’s barrel, affectionally playing with her fur while the original chaos lord continued to dangle both princesses, clutching tightly to their rears.
Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash gazed at the four from further down the beach, at a loss over what to do at such an odd spectacle. Fluttershy nervously turned to her companion, “Should we... help them?”
“Uh...” Rainbow Dash hesitated wings at half mast. “I dunno, Celestia looks way into that."
“Maybe this being retired thing means she wants to be more open about her relationship.”
“With Discord, maybe. Why did he have to grab Luna too?” Rainbow Dash wondered aloud.
As the pegasus pair continued to hesitate, Luna’s horn began to ignite.
“Uh uh uh,” Beach Discord snuffed out the glowing horn like one would a burning candle.
“My magic!” Luna exclaimed, her horn fizzling and failing altogether.
“Put my Luna down!” Twilight demanded as she landed heavily in the sand before Discord.
“Your Luna? I hold the sun and the moon.” Discord grinned down at the young alicorn.
“Weee!” Celestia cheered as she continued to hang blissfully. A loud slap rang out as beach discord delivered a second hot slap to the flank.
Twilight grimaced. “Can you not, there are other ponies around.”
“Not what? This?” Beach Discord smirked as he again slapped Celestia’s ass.
Luna made a gagging sound.
“Yes!” Twilight looked about ready to explode, totally not used to seeing her long time mentor like that.
“Oh, but she's my sunny pony.” Beach discord gloated as he began to reverently feel up the sunny alicorn’s side.
“No, she’s mine!” Discord asserted as he stood taller and renewed his tight hold upon the two princesses' rear ends.
“I thought you said ours.”
“Yes, but I’m the main Discord so therefore I get the best parts.”
Twilight growled with frustration and stomped a hoof. “Then let go of my princess and go do whatever it is you want to do with Celestia someplace else! My friends and I were trying to have a nice, enjoyable day at the beach.”
“Luna, do you really want a pony who’s so... demanding?” Discord eyed the sulking princess of the night.
“I’ll say, how about a creature who can give you all the fun under the sun? Even at the beach!” Beach Discord added gleefully.
“Pass. Now release me.” Luna flatly replied, a warning eye upon beach Discord as he edged closer toward poking her cutie mark.
“Yeah, I’m the only one who is allowed to-” Twilight froze as she realized what she was about to say. “...Do things with Luna’s cutie mark. And stuff...”
“Oh, little Twilight is suddenly shy about her adventures.” Beach Discord mocked as he withdrew to the safety of Celestia’s side.
Twilight huffed and stood her ground. “It’s what some ponies call private. But I’m not sure if you understand what that means.”
“Well, that’s rich, coming from the second loudest mare in Ponyville,” Discord smirked.
Horror and shock cascaded across Twilight's face but she quickly recovered with a stamp of her forehooves. “I’m not going to ask how you think you know that-”
“Because... Fluttershy is louder.” Discord’s grin intensified as he leaned in closer toward Twilight.
Twilight glanced at her shy friend who had suddenly decided to hide under Rainbow Dash’s wing. “What? Nevermind-”
“Amazing isn’t it? And neither she nor Rainbow Dash have powers like us five.” Beach Discord mused loudly. “Those two were quite a spectacle to accidentally pop in on.”
Twilight’s horn flared up and magic engulfed Luna’s body as she tried to pull her love free. Discord almost fell face first into the sand trying to hold onto her butt.
“Give her back Discord!”
“But it’s so fun to be able to say that I alone hold the sun and the moon. And you know... I rather think I’ll keep them for just a bit longer.”
“Oh, better idea!” Beach Discord suddenly piped up and snapped his fingers as Twilight again attempted to wrest control.
Princess Luna shot out of Discord’s grip and smacked into Twilight, wrapping around the younger alicorn like a boneless toy. Twilight stood stock still for a long moment in horror while Luna swore in old Equish and Celestia giggled.
“Dissy, that reminds me of your-”
“Why yes, yes it does...” Discord gave his sunny horse a wiggle and she wobbled around, as boneless as her sister.
Celestia giggled. “This feels so weird. Care to tell me why you made my sister and I all floppy?”
“Because...” Discord smiled keenly as he vanished.
Twilight took a step back and glanced around as she slowly unravelled the larger alicorn from herself. When nothing happened she turned her attention to Luna and began to probe her body with magic. “Well, I-”
Smack!
Twilight suddenly found herself eating sand and her magic faltered.
Beach Discord held up a scorecard, it read 7!
Discord stood tall, spinning a floppy Celestia around slowly. “I claim the sun and you clearly have dominated the moon. Now I, Discord... Lord of friendly chaos will defeat you. For I must, if I am to claim the sun and moon.”
Twilight picked herself up. “But, I don’t want to hurt Luna.”
“Don’t worry Twilight, I didn’t feel a thing when Discord hit you.” Celestia grinned like a cheeky filly as she hung limply upside down.
“See, it’s perfectly safe fun between four of the most powerful creatures in-”
Discord did a double back flip as Twilight hit him in the face with Luna. The purple alicorn immediately turned to her wobbling marefriend, “are you okay?”
Luna giggled. “that actually felt really good and our score holder has graded your blow well. Hit him again!”
Twilight glanced at Beach Discord and noticed him holding an 8. “Right.”
With determination and a slowly growing playful smile on her face, Twilight leapt toward Discord, Luna at the ready in her magic.
Discord found his footing just in time to fend off a flurry of blows. Celestia whooped and cheered Discord on. Princess smacked into Princess sounding like two rubber squeaky toys being used for dueling. Each time either combatant would land a blow upon the other, beach Discord held up a scorecard in his hands, feet or tail.
Sand flew everywhere as Discord whirlwinded Celestia, then slapped her cutie mark for good measure. The sunny alicorn began to pulsate with magic. Discord again struck out with an intense burst of attacks, driving Twilight back with an onslaught of blows bouncing off her head and back.
Discord paused as the sunny glow faded.
“What was that?” Twilight shook herself, seeing stars bouncing around like drunk pegasi.
“I’m winning, that’s what.” Discord smiled cheekily.
“Power ups are enabled.” Beach Discord added as he held up their total scores to date, now listing Discord as in the lead by 71 points.
“Right.” Twilight hesitantly slapped Luna’s cutie mark. Nothing happened.
“Guess the moon does not feel your advances as the sun does mine...” The lord of chaos grasped his dangling mare by the arse in both hands then licked her cutie mark, long and slowly. With a shudder, she began to glow again.
With Discord approaching, glowing Celestia slowly swinging around and around as he readied a strike, Twilight teleported.
“That’s a fowl!” Beach Discord called out, striking ten points from Twilight.
Hidden in bushes at the edge of the sand, Twilight turned to the mare held by her magic. “What do I do.”
Luna gazed lovingly into her panicking mare’s eyes. “You know what to do. Think, sensual Twi.”
“But...” Twilight bashfully pawed at the sandy soil. “That was just us when I did that. I’m not an exhibitionist like those two.”
“We are currently hidden from view,” Luna remarked, a cheeky grin creeping over her face. With what little strength the princess of the night had, she inclined her head slightly.
Twilight readied herself then reached out and gently licked her partner's horn.
A small sparkle spread across Luna. “You did better than that last night. Again! We show that chaos creature why turning me into this boneless form was a bad idea.”
A hefty blush spread across Twilight’s face.
Down on the beach, Discord was enjoying the feeling of being the center of attention. “Oh, Twilight! Come out, come out wherever you are!”
“Maybe your public show of affection chased her away?” Celestia offered as she dangled upside down. “After all, unlike your method of holding me, she does appear far more re- Twilight!”
In a burst of purple magic, Twilight and Luna appeared close by. Luna was positively glowing.
“Prude confirmed,” Beach Discord remarked.
“At least she is willing to play with Luna’s power ups and whatever she just did must have been juicy,” Discord added as he advanced upon Twilight, ready to strike.
Twilight lashed out, hard and fast. Discord parried several blows with his sunny mare. Small bursts of light and sparkling stardust marked each sister on sister impact as the two floppy ponies impacted again and again.
Discord suddenly appeared behind Twilight and whacked her back. A loud squeak sounded as Celestia bounced from student to sand while the young alicorn flipped and landed hard.
Twilight rolled out of the way to avoid a hard downward blow leaving Celestia bouncing off the sand with a poof and squeak.
With her friends' cheers ringing across the beach, Twilight leapt up, bucked a swung Celestia back at Discord then whacked Discord square in the chest with Luna.
“Ooh, that tingles!” Discord giggled as he retreated from Twilight’s follow up attacks.
With another clonk on the head, Discord suddenly discovered his body changed. “Wait-”
Discord’s one free hand reached to his lips and his eyes went wide. “Gender magic?” The feminine voice caused Twilight to falter.
Celestia giggled from her upside down position, admiring the changed body of the lord of chaos. “Look Dissy. You’re a pretty girlie now.”
Discord glared at Twilight and Luna. “What magic is this? Did you try to alter my spell?”
“No.” Twilight retorted. “I just... well.. did something to Luna to power her up.”
“Did it involve your gender change magic again, Darling?” Rarity asked as she and Applejack approached cautiously.
“No.”
“What about recently, surely there must be a residue within you that has been passed to Discord?” Rarity playfully asked, her eyes shining with amusement upon Discord.
A hearty blush settled upon Twilight’s muzzle. “I never use it on me... but what does that have to do with it?”
A sly smile slipped across Celestia’s face. “Dissy. I think your chaos met lingering magic held in my dear sister.”
Discord stood as tall as she could, “hit me again Twilight, I wish to be transformed back to my usual self once more.”
“Can’t you just... do it yourself?” Twilight asked.
Discord shrugged. He casually slung Celestia over his back so all you could still see was her tail and hind legs. “Who knows... chaos has mixed with alicorn magic in unknown ways thanks to your brilliant gender bender.”
Twilight and Luna share a look. “Well, if you say so.”
“One hit, then we re-”
Thump! Squeak!
Luna impacted on the lord of chaos’s schnozz. He shook himself, pleased to be back to normal. However, as he quickly readied Celestia for the attack, Twilight again swing Luna at high speed, almost knocking him over.
With the upper hoof, Twilight proceeded to beat the living daylights out of Discord. He, she, he, she, it, both, he, she, he.
Discord teleported out of the way of yet another rubbery smack then smashed his glowing sun horse into Twilight’s face. Celestia’s head and neck wrapped around Twilight’s as she tottered around, her magic faltering. Discord gave his mare’s flank a hard tug but Celestia was too wrapped up. Booting a flailing Luna out of the way, Discord gripped his sun horse by the arse with both hands and pulled hard.
Twilight spun around several times then collapsed in the sand.
“How's that!?” Discord checked the score and frowned at his fellow Discord. “What do you mean she leads with three points?”
“It was pretty funny seeing myself change genders.” Beach Discord smirked back.
Discord poked his tongue out at beach Discord.
Twilight slowly stood and shook herself. “Thank you for waiting, Discord that was unusually sportsman like of you.”
“You can thank Beachcord for that. He was most distracting.” Discord leapt into action, his limp, glowing sun horse bounced off sand, Luna and more sand as he franticly tried to score another mighty hit.
And then Celestia’s glow faded.
Twilight and Luna smiled victoriously. With their combined. still empowered might, they beat floppy Celestia out of the way before landing a huge blow upon Discord’s head that send him deep down into the sand with a poof. Celestia landed with a squeak on the sand next to the hole.
Luna cheered as the dark power up aura around herself faded, “huzah, round two to team Tuna!”
“Tuna, isn’t that a fish?” Twilight stared at her lover surprised.
“Well, we are breaking free and play fighting are we not, I figured a silly name would be most suitable, given the circumstances.”
Twilight shrugged.
Celestia giggled, “I like it. Beach Dissy, would you be a dear and pick me up please?”
“Of course, my love.” Beachcord carefully picked up his limp sun horse and gave her a kiss as he cradled her.
Discord shot out of the hole in the sand and snatched his mare back. “That was a good hit, but be a dear and stay there while I find cake.”
With that, Discord and Celestia vanished.
“Where did he go?” Twilight asked.
“Did we win? Can I go back to normal yet?” Luna eyed Beachcord expectantly.
“Well, you see... They appear to be in the kitchens at Canterlot Castle and no. There is one more round to this fun playfight.”
“Luna, I think we should try another of those...”
“Sensual powerups?”
“Yeah, that.” Twilight huffed as a faint blush returned.
“Don’t take too long darling, I’m sure Discord will be returning in a moment.” Rarity called out cheekily as Twilight and Luna vanished.
Pinkie Pie suddenly tingled all over and her mane frizzed. Cheese eyed his marefriend carefully. “Do we have an indicator that Celestia and Discord are ready to return?”
“Indeedie. And it is a doozy.”
“I present, the legendary cake horse of the sun!” Discord’s voice boomed out across the beach as he and Celestia reappeared.
Except that... the once floppy Celestia was anything but normal. While her head and shoulders looked normal enough, the rest of her body had expanded. Growing more and more like a giant balloon the further down you went till her once normal sized looking tail appeared more like a twist at the end of a giant balloon. Discord gave her a quick kiss on the cheek as he rearranged his hold upon her forelegs. As the kiss settled into her system, the whole upper balloon pony began to glow, her cutie marks being brightest and most sunny.
“What have you done to Celestia?” Rarity asked, wide eyed.
“Cake happened.” Discord shrugged. “Now where’s Twilight?”
“But she’s... a bit more than simply plus sized.” Rarity continued to gape, “A-are you sure you’re alright, your heighness?”
Celestia smiled dryly. “While I admit, this does feel rather odd. It’s not the worst thing Discord has done to me.”
With a poof, Twilight and Luna reappeared nearby.
“Ready for round three?” Beach Discord asked. “Wait, I don’t see anything different.”
And indeed, nothing had changed.
“Did poor Twily run out of ideas?” Discord playfully teased as he loosely swung his balloon like Celestia around above himself.
At the sight of her mentor looking so large and floaty, Twilight lit up. “Luna, I have an idea.”
“You do?”
“I’m going to pop her. Well... you are.” And with that, Twilight laid Luna flat in the sand and carefully flattened her with her hooves before giving her a gentle kiss on her horn. Twilight massaged the sparkling horn slowly before quickly arraying the midnight blue wings outward like blades. Once finished, Twilight picked Luna up in her forehooves and transferred her to a magical grip.
“Alright, Dis-”
Bam!
Twilight was flattened into the sand under the mighty blow from Discord. “Too slow.”
With a smirk, the lord of chaos proceeded to follow up with a two handed strike.
Twilight teleported into the midst of her friends as Celestia’s extra huge rear impacted with a massive thud on the sand.
Rainbow Dash immediately took flight, wary of Discord.
Applejack took a step away from her friend, “woah there Twi, I hope you’re not tryin' to involve us in whatever that is.”
Twilight shook herself, dislodging the stars that floated around her head. “No, not at all. Come on Luna.”
Twilight turned to face Discord just in time as he threw Celestia like a giant beached whale at the group.
While the earth bound ponies braced for impact, Twilight swung Luna as hard as she could and deflected the large blown up mare back at her thrower.
Luna burst out laughing at the sight. “Sister... you look... ridiculous...”
Celestia bounced lightly on the golden sand, her forehooves flailing pathetically as she tried to get a grip on the sand. Her enlarged rear began to float skyward. “Discord can you shrink me down a bit, I’m beginning to feel like a beached whale.”
“Of course, my love.” Discord bowed then shank his mare down to an almost normal size.
Twilight stuck her razor sharp Luna into the sand and sat down. “Alright. I feel finished. Turn Luna back now.”
Discord teleported in front of Twilight and faked a strike.
Twilight simply stared right back at the grinning lord of chaos. “Luna. Back. Now.”
“Well, you’re no fun.” Discord pouted.
Pinkie Pie bounced over. “No fun? Well, how about this to conclude?” Pinkie Pie picked Luna up and impaled her horn into Celestia’s enlarged barrel.
Twilight yelped in surprise as the pair flew off across the sand sounding and flying like a rogue balloon with a hole in its side. They crashed down in the waves. Luna was quickly met with a very panicked Twilight while Celestia was calmly helped to her feet by Discord.
Both sisters were back to normal.
Luna breathed a sigh of relief and gave Twilight a quick kiss. “That was... strange. Thank you for keeping me from Discord’s clutches.”
Twilight couldn’t help but smile as she gave Luna a quick hug. “Well it was fun for a moment, but it’s nice having you back to normal.”
The couple shared a loose winged hug as they began to trek back to the gathered group of ponies further from the waves.
“Indeed. And I was most impressed by how well you two accepted Discord’s sudden little game of chaos.” Celestia quickly caught up to her long time student. “And Pinkie Pie, that was good creative thinking.”
“Oh, that was easy.” Pinkie bounced happily on the spot a few times.
A chuckle broke froth from the mighty mare of the sun. “I’m sure it was.”
“Just don’t ever take Luna like that again,” Twilight poked a warning hoof at Discord.
The lord of chaos quickly retreated to the far side of Celestia and raised both his hands to defend himself, “no need to worry your little head Twilight. If today has proven anything, it’s who has claimed the sun-” he gestured to himself with a smirk. “And the moon...” with one hand he gestured to the youngest alicorn.
Twilight nodded once in affirmation as she rejoined her friends. She glanced between the assembled couples, met by warm smiles at her open show of affection for the dark blue mare at her side.
Rainbow Dash alighted next to Fluttershy, her eyes upon the approaching beach Discord. “So... with that weirdness all over. Who wants to play a more normal kinda game in the water?”
“Twilight and Discord are tied. Pinkie Pie wins with her excellent finisher.” Beachcord announced.
Pinkie Pie’s party cannon fired, the mare herself suddenly on top, forehooves raised in victory. “Nice try Twily. Maybe next time.”
“Actually, I think I need to beat the monster,” Discord replied nonchalantly.
“What monster?” Dash eyed the serpent.
“Not a ..scary monster?” Fluttershy added with a shiver.
“Even better, who’s up for a three way?” Beach Discord offered eagerly.
Luna gagged.
Twilight cringed. “Ewww, why would you even offer that?”
“I’ll take it.” Celestia confidently affirmed.
Luna stared at her sister like she suddenly had two heads. “Sister. Surely thou has only one lover?”
Celestia and Discord shared a loving glance. “Indeed. Although there is more than one Discord present.”
Twilight gaged.
Celestia giggled. “Oh dear Twilight. Honestly, more Discord helps keep things lively, something you two may come to realize after a thousand years or so.”
“And because there are two of me today, I have the doubly good time with my wife and me. Ta ta!” and with that, Discord mounted Celestia and rode her, chasing beach discord down the golden sand beach and out of sight.
“I do not need two of me to please Twilight.” Luna huffed.
“No. But it does seem like Twilight likes you as a stallion too.” Rarity smiled. “I think that is enough creative magic to last many years.”
Applejack added. “It’s a good spell, Twi. Ah will admit to that.”
“Thanks. Say... what do ponies want to do now? I feel the need to put whatever it is that just happened out of my mind.” Twilight gave a brief shiver.
“I’m going in the water.” Dash leapt up, grabbed Fluttershy and sped off toward the sea.
“I’ll take that action!” Applejack hurried off after the pegasus pair.
“Ooh, yes come on Cheesie!” Pinkie Pie chimed in, eagerly leading her stallion off.
“Shall we?” Luna offered Twilight. The younger alicorn nodded in affirmation.
...and with that, the sun began to pulse and wiggle slightly in the sky
“Oh come on...!” Twilight cried out then faceplanted into the sand.
Author's Note
So this was rather fun to write and I would like to think I managed to sneak in a bit of character development alongside the silliness.
