The Pink, the Yellow, and the Yak

by RB_

Rating: teen
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Cheese Sandwich, Prince Rutherford, Comedy, Pinkie Pie, Slice of Life
Length: 1010

Turns out, yaks give the best relationship advice. Who knew?

Cheese Sandwich has a relationship question. Prince Rutherford, of all creatures, has an answer.

Written for the A Thousand Words Contest II in the comedy category. Find the other entries here!

Edited by the amazing Arkadios! Inspired by the Horslips song Mad Pat.

Published 2023-06-30 00:10:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-06-30 00:10:00 UTC

His Fancy Has Taken Him to Some Distant Place

"So," Cheese Sandwich said, sliding into his seat, one hoof up on the table, smile on his face. "How do you know Pinkie Pie?"

The yak across the table was unfazed. "Pink Pony and Prince Rutherford go way back."

"Is that so?"

The two of them were packed into Sugarcube Corner with two dozen other friends of Pinkie Pie. Streamers were hung across the ceiling, cakes and treats sat on the tables, and the drinks were all non-alcoholic. It was a Pinkie party, alright.

And she had thrown it without Cheese, not that that bothered him. He could help in other ways, like socializing with the guests... including the large ball of hair in front of him.

"Pink Pony stop yaks from going to war! Pink Pony honorary yak! Yaks give her horns and everything."

"Wow!" Cheese said, mentally adding another tally to the 'amazing things Pinkie Pie has done but never told me' list.

"How does Yellow Pony know Pink Pony?" Prince Rutherford announced by way of asking.

"We're engaged," Cheese replied. "It's like being married, but not yet."

"Yaks are very happy for Pink Pony and Yellow Pony!" Rutherford said.

"Why thank you, big guy!"

"Prince Ruthorford is moderately-sized."

"Right. Sorry." Cheese brightened up. "Hey, since you know Pinkie and you seem so worldly and wise, can I ask for some advice?"

"Rutherford is very wise," the yak said, appearing to puff up slightly. "What Yellow Pony want?"

"I've—" Cheese looked around, to make sure no one was listening (no one was, they were all far too busy having a good time). "I've got the itch."

"Yellow Pony should see doctor."

Cheese shook his head. "Not that kind of itch. I've got the itch to mosey.."

"Rutherford not sure what Yellow Pony mean."

"I'm a travelling pony at heart, y'know?" Cheese said. "Used to walk all over Equestria, just me and Boneless, then Boneless 2, then Boneless three, then—you get the idea. We'd go all over the place, sharing joy and throwing shindigs..."

He sighed, wistfully. "But now I'm with Pinkie, and I want to settle down with her, really I do, but I keep getting the itch to hit the road again." He threw his hooves up in the air. "I'm a pony in need of locomotion!"

He tilted his head back down to look at his guest. "You feel me?"

"Prince Rutherford not want to feel Yellow Pony." Rutherford tapped his hairy chin with a cloven hoof. "But Prince Rutherford kind of understand."

"You do?" Cheese said, leaning forward.

"Not really."

Cheese deflated. "Oh."

"Yaks not travel far from Yakyakistan normally," Rutherford explained. "It too cold in Frozen North, even for yaks!"

"I guess you wouldn't get it, then," Cheese said.

"That not mean Prince Rutherford never dream of travelling," the yak continued, and Cheese liked to imagine there'd been a wink added to that, behind all that hair.

"Then you do get it!" Cheese exclaimed, puffing up once again.

"Not really."

"Oh." Cheese deflated once again.

"Let Prince Rutherford try a different way. Is Yellow Pony's relationship with Pink Pony not perfect? Because if not, then Yellow Pony smash Pink Pony! Metaphorically."

"I do," Cheese said. "Every night. Not metaphorically, though."

"Yellow Pony give too much information."

Cheese ignored that. He didn't have to think about his answer to Rutherford's query. "No, my relationship with Pinkie is perfect. It's the best thing that's ever happened to me, and I've had a lot of good things happen to me."

"Then Yellow Pony no smash!" Rutherford barked. "It simple."

"Then what do I do about the itch?" Cheese asked.

"Take Pink Pony with you."

Cheese blinked. "Huh?"

Rutherford put his cloven hooves up on the table. "Relationships all about give-and-take. If Yellow Pony not happy, tell Pink Pony, not Yak! Pink Pony will understand. Yellow Pony would do anything to make Pink Pony happy, yes?"

Cheese nodded enthusiastically.

"Then Pink Pony will do anything to make Yellow Pony happy. If Yellow Pony need to travel sometimes to be happy, then Pink Pony should go with Yellow Pony!"

"...Huh," Cheese said. "That seems so simple, so obvious, so... right!"

"Of course," Prince Rutherford replied. "Yaks best at giving relationship advice. One more thing."

Cheese paused in his celebration, already planning where they'd go in his head. "Oh? What's that, big guy?"

"Moderately sized."

"Right, right."

Rutherford reached up and brushed his bangs away, looking at Cheese directly for the first time with a stare that pierced like pointed sticks through marshmallows.

"Yellow Pony need to be able to wait until Pink Pony ready."

"What do you mean?"

"Pink Pony may not want to travel yet," Rutherford said. "Pink Pony want to make Yellow Pony happy, but Pink Pony also want to make Pink Pony happy! If Pink Pony no want to travel, then don't make Pink Pony travel for Yellow Pony's sake. Relationships all about give and take."

"I see," Cheese said, stroking his chin. "Pinkie would want me to be happy, so she'd do anything, even if it would make her unhappy. but I want her to be happy, so I should be prepared to give up what I want to make sure she's happy so that I'll also be happy!" He took a deep breath. "Wow this relationship stuff sure is complicated."

Rutherford let his bangs fall back into place and laughed. "Now Yellow Pony get it!"

"Alright!" Cheese exclaimed. "I'll tell her right after this party!"

He paused. "...What's this party about again?"

A noise from the stage caught their attention. Pinkie was standing on it with a microphone.

"Hello, everypony! Thank you for coming!" she said. "I invited you all for a very special announcement, and I just can't hold it in any longer, so!" she turned around and pulled a rope. A banner unfurled from the ceiling.

It read, 'I'm having a baby!'

Cheese read it. Then blinked. Then smiled!

"Oh boy," he said. "Looks like that trip's going to have to wait!"