Twilight.

She will inherit Equestria when the time comes. I've mulled about this countless times before. And here I am again.

I've given her the tools, the strength to become a princess. But it comes with a price, of course. I know not how she will proceed, but the fact that she will have to choose someday remains.

And it will break her heart. By now, I know she already knows.

It is my own fault, even if fate had forced my hoof. Such a thing was supposed to be a burden only for me and my sister to bear. But then they chose Cadance. And then they chose Twilight.

I do not expect absolution for all this. At this point, I am merely hoping for everything to be alright in the end, however that may be.

.

.

.

Another folly? For simply accepting it eventually? Perhaps.

When you're as old as me, you will make mistakes. You may see it before it happens, but by then, it is likely too late.

And I've seen it happen - experienced it, been responsible for it - again and again.

Again and again.

It doesn't really get better each time. It's akin to stubbing your hoof: it will keep happening, and it always hurts when it does.

But you have to learn how to take it in stride and keep going, correcting your failures and fixing yourself in every lesson. You have to. I had to. And you will learn and relearn what you are in the dark, every few decades or so.

.

.

.

What is the definition of insanity? Is it not trying something over and over again, expecting something different each time?

What am I then, for never stopping? Always staying the course, always trying over and over again? Eleven centuries, eleven lives I've lived, like a stuttering record if you looked at it from afar.

It is odd how the hope and light keeps you going, even as you limp and stumble for being a walking ancient artifact.

That certainly describes my memory in some spots. You just forget. And at times, it will be things you don't want to forget. Names of people, the feeling of having friends, ~~the feeling of power~~

Forget that.

.

.

.

Right now, as the sirens wail outside and the bombs shake the shields we have erected this evening, I feel some part of me crack once again, more than I already feel since the start of this stars-forsaken war.

I don't know how to approach this yet.

I have talked with Luna. I should talk with her soon.

But in any case, I feel I should do something, anything. I can't just stay here any longer, smiling and waving. I've seen the front. We are barely holding, and we're slowly being torn apart.

I must do something.

.

.

.

I will tackle this tomorrow afternoon. By then, the report shall come in as well, and I may write soon once more.

Farewell. Good night.

Author's Note

"And you will learn and relearn what you are in the dark, every few decades or so."

Maybe this time, she'll try something else.

Original post: https://www.reddit.com/r/equestriaatwar/s/mcIdO80CjE

(Oh my goodness. I can't believe I forgot to put this up here for so long.)