Cold Brew's Coffee Shop

by Furenstein

Rating: everyone
Tags: My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Original Character, Comedy, Horror, Crystal Ponies
Length: 1434

A new coffee shop opens in the Crystal Empire

A coffee shop has recently opened in The Crystal Empire. All of the people working there love their jobs, and all the customers love the food and drinks that are offered.

Published 2023-06-30 12:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-06-30 12:50:00 UTC

I Love My Job

I love my job. I love everything about it. The green carpet flooring to the weird metal things that jut out of the walls and lie around the room, I have the best job in Equestria. I sigh happily as another customer enters the cafe, a content smile forms across my muzzle.

"The Distinguished Gentleman, please." The mare orders, one of our best sellers.

In a flash, I turn around look at a strange piece of metal behind me for approximately three seconds, before turning around with the drink. 46ml of expresso-o, some weird thing the boss came up with. I've never tried it, but it sells well so it must be good. 20ml of steamed milk, 13ml of strawberry ice cream, 21ml of honey, topped with whipped cream, a cherry, and a chocolate chip cookie on the side.

She hands me a bit in exchange and thanks me before sitting on one of our bright green chairs in the corner of the cafe. The table she sat at was already in use by another mare named Emerald Snow. I knew her name because she had been sitting in the same chair for the past four days straight. Don't worry, she's alive, she's still breathing, but she hasn't moved a muscle since she finished her drink. I can't even remember what she ordered.

The two mares stare blankly into each other's eyes, the only movement between the two of them is when the one mare takes a drink or nibbles from her cookie. Neither of the mares blink or even speak a word to each other. When the mare who recently ordered finishes her meal, she leaves the cup on the table and walks out of the cafe, without uttering a single word.

The door chimes and another customer walks in as soon as the mare is out the door, the stallion is surrounded by bright yellow squares and a wisp of the same color flows around his hooves. His eyes shine brightly as he walks up to my counter.

"Business Bogey." He states, the first drink on the menu.

34ml of some tea I've never heard of, 10ml of cold water, 170ml of crushed ice, 10ml of ice cubes, topped with 15ml of vanilla syrup. I make the drink in the usual way, looking at the machine behind me and then giving the drink to the stallion. He gives me a bit in return and then sits down to enjoy himself.

I take a small break to look beside the strange metal device behind me, to something I can understand and admire, the napkin shelf. It's just for art though, we don't give any of our customers napkins here anyway, not that anypony ever uses the ones that are sitting at the tables anyway. 295 napkins in total sat in little red holders on the shelf. They weren't neatly placed or organized, it only added to the beauty of the room.

One of my coworkers walk behind me at a leisurely pace, I don't remember his name right off, but I know he's the janitor here. He looks at me, and with no customers right now, I look back at him. We stare blankly at each other, a content smile on each of our faces, and for a few seconds neither of us move, but then, he speaks.

"I really like my working hours." He says to me happily.

I reply, equally happy, "I really like my working hours."

A mare interrupts from the doorway, I don't remember her name either, but she watches the outside for some reason. Literally, she's paid to stand outside and look at things, is my boss great or what? Anyway, she calls in from the doorway, "I really like my working hours."

My coworker and I each laugh softly at that, and before we can get back to work, the handymare walks out of the bathroom and says, "I really like my working hours."

I love my job, and all my coworkers also love their jobs.

While a picture of a cat with a mustache looks longingly at the cafe, another stallion walks in and approaches the counter. My coworkers return to work, our break now over.

"A summer garden to go, please." He says. 192ml of lemonade, 77ml of crushed ice, 19ml of lemon syrup, garnished with a slice of lemon on the side of the cup, and a cookie dyed green.

I hand him a cup after preparing it in the usual way, to which he grabs and it spontaneously turns into a to-go cup. He hands me a bit and then leaves the store without another word.

Looking to the right side of the store, I see my favorite customer, Dapper Whiskers in his usual spot. Half of his body protrudes out of the wall like the many metal boxes, the other half notices me staring and looks back at me blankly with a smile.

He is an elder being and he says in a raspy voice, "I got a discount. I got a discount. I got a discount. I got three discounts, this is my favorite cafe." He smiles at me. "I'm so in love with this place."

He complained multiple times once, so I gave him multiple discounts after he had already become fused to the wall. He didn't like the music we were playing, and he thought the price of The Distinguished Gentleman was too high, but now, he's another satisfied customer. How long has he been in here? 10 days? 12? I can't remember.

I can't blame so many people from not wanting to leave the cafe, besides, I'm no better. I've been here since opening day, same as all my coworkers. We're open 24 hours a day, and I work from 6am to 6am, every day, just like all my coworkers. I haven't been home in so long, but I'm getting paid handsomely, 27 bits an hour.

Now that I think about it, I can't even remember if I had a family before I started working here. I don't particularly care though, my coworkers are my family now. I haven't even left my post from behind this counter since I started, I haven't been eating, I haven't been sleeping, I haven't even used the bathroom, nor do I feel the need to do any of those things.

I love my job. I love everything about it. I have the best job in all of Equestria.

A stallion ran into the cafe, and I recognized him immediately. It was Cold Brew, our boss, the most generous and nice boss anypony could ever have. He looked frantically around the store before walking over to me, he didn't seem pleased.

"Amethyst, what happened?" He yell-whispered.

"Nothing, why, what's wrong?" I asked, the smile on my face fading.

He inhaled sharply. "There is a stallion in the wall." He pointed at Dapper Whiskers angrily. Dapper Whiskers smiled back happily.

"Don't worry boss, I gave him a discount." I reassured.

"A discount? There's a stallion! In the wall!" Cold Brew was getting angrier.

"Three discounts." I said happily.

Cold Brew stared at me incredulously before he huffed and walked back towards the door. I thought he might've been leaving, but instead, he flipped the open sign to closed.

"Cafe's closed! Everypony out!" Cold Brew shouted at all the customers.

In unison, all the customers, including Dapper Whiskers and Emerald Snow said, "They're asking me to leave for no reason."

Afterwards, Cold Brew stood in silence as he waited for the two ponies who'd stayed to leave. After a while of nopony moving, he approached Dapper Whiskers in a huff.

"What, are you stuck from the chair? Are you being eaten by the wall because the chair is in the way?!" The chair suddenly disappeared and Dapper Whiskers left the cafe without saying a word. Similarly, the chair Emerald Snow was sitting on disappeared, and she walked out of the cafe too.

"I leave for two weeks and suddenly people start living here." Cold Brew mumbled.

"Well you can't really blame them, boss. We've all been living here, too." My coworkers approached the counter I'd been standing at since our grand opening.

"What do you people do when the store is closed?!" Cold Brew asked, angry and in shock.

"The cafe is open 24/7. We're never closed." I replied with a smile.

Cold Brew slammed his hoof so hard against his head, I could feel the shockwave from the force of it from the counter.

"All of you are fired."