Dis/0rd3R

by TheInfamousFly

Rating: mature
Tags: Second Person, Dark, Pinkie Pie, Suicide / Self Harm, Alternate Universe, Twilight Sparkle, Sad, Drama, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1024

When Pinkie Pie is diagnosed with BPD, Twilight begins to worry about its effect on their relationship

When Pinkie is diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder, Twilight researches the illness so she can better help her marefriend. What she discovers however, begins to rock her conceptions of Pinkie's personality and the foundations of their relationship.

Created as my Experimental entry for the 2023 Thousand Words Contest.

WARNING! Contains in-depth depictions of mental illness, including thoughts of anxiety, depression and self-loathing.

Published 2023-07-01 22:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2023-07-01 22:40:01 UTC

Demanding reassurance

Twilight's been reading for a really long time and she seemed pretty upset about what Ink Blots said about you so maybe you should go in and oh she's crying that's sad you hate it when she's sad well you hate it when anypony's sad because you are just a funnel for other people's positivity to fill up until you burst like a balloon stretched too thin and why is she telling you she's sorry because she hasn't done anything wrong and anyway even if she had you would forgive her because she's yours and she's perfect the way she is and now she's telling you that she was supposed to have treated you better and that makes you angry because now she's basically saying all those years you spent together being friends and fighting monsters and saving Equestria didn't mean anything because she didn't know this one little fact about you and anyway no pony knows you better than Twilight except maybe for Maud because she's the best and why is Twilight crying, isn't this difficult enough without her crying?

It's hard enough to be mad at Twilight when she isn't crying and you aren't really mad at her, you're just mad at the voices in her head which are making her act like this because you know that deep down she doesn't want to change all the years you've spent together and now you're realizing that this is her breaking up with you and you knew that she would go away eventually because she's a princess with super-duper princess powers and royal duties and anyway everypony leaves or makes you leave eventually so you had better give her a kiss goodbye and head out before you start breaking down because the best days of your life are over and now it's time to start over in another town and hope the ponies there never find out what's wrong with you and maybe if you make enough pastries and tell enough jokes and throw enough parties they won't realize that you are just a hollowed out place where something used to be and at least you still have Gummy, until he eventually decides he's tired of you too.

You just ask if you two can still be friends even though she doesn't love you now that she knows what's wrong with you and now she's crying harder and now she's telling you that she will always love you and that she will never leave you unless you ask her to and that she's not breaking up with you she's just telling you how sorry she is and all you can do is hold her until she stops freaking out and tell her that she doesn't have to apologize because she hasn't done anything wrong and that even if you could, you wouldn't change a thing because you love her and even though you feel bad sometimes the good parts make it worth it.

She tells you she's sorry for making you feel like she was going to abandon you and that she's afraid someday you will hurt yourself or do something really terrible and she'll know it was her fault for not being kind enough and you tell her that you would never do that to her because deep down she's just like you except to her the world feels like a horribly tangled mess constricting around her but that's okay because if she can deal with you being empty sometimes then you can deal with her being worried all the time and maybe together the two of you can be whole someday.

Emotional lability

"So, how did it go?" Twilight asked, getting up from the waiting room chair.

"It was great! We talked about my parents and my siblings and my childhood and my family history and he gave me something to help with the mood swings. He said I have Borderline Personality Disorder."

"I'm sorry...what did you say?"

"I said Ink Blots told me I have ~~bipolar disorder~~ Borderline Personality Disorder. So, where did you wanna get lunch?"

Reasons why this is bad

Most obviously = Symptoms

Volatile emotions

Impulsive and often dangerous behaviors (such as binge eating)

A pattern of unstable relationships with friends and family including efforts to avoid real or perceived abandonment by plunging into relationships or leave them prematurely

Depersonalization, disassociation and distorted identity

Chronic feelings of emptiness (nononono)

~~Acts of self-harm and suicidal ideation~~(nonononononononononononono)

Reasons why this makes you a terrible friend

You've known Pinkie for years and you never realized anything was wrong

You were there when (more than once) she tried to cut herself off from everypony after the slightest rejection and you didn't realize anything was wrong because you are a terrible friend.

All those funny little quirks you and everypony have been laughing at all this time have actually been hints there was something horribly wrong and did I mention how much of a terrible friend you are?

~~You are supposed to be educated and well-informed and you are supposed to take care of everypony and what good is all your magic if you can't even help somepony who's suffering right in front of you?~~

Reasons this changes everything

For the rest of your life, whenever Pinkie tells you how much she loves you or overdoes it on Hearts and Hooves Day, you are going to be wondering if it is because of her BPD

~~BPD is passed genetically so if you two ever have foals, it's possible they will have it too~~

The stability that you thought your relationship had never existed and your relationship will likely never be stable and you are just going to have to live with that and anyway you'll deserve it because-

CONCLUSION: -you are a terrible friend. Your relationship is doomed, but not because Pinkie is neurodivergent but because you are a TERRIBLE FRIEND who let this go on for too long without noticing it or doing anything about it you stupid, narcissistic-