The Purpose is to Stimulate

by Plotbuster

Rating: teen
Tags: Tragedy, Sunset Shimmer, Profanity, Human, Twilight Sparkle, Applejack, Drama, Anon, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Sex
Length: 2876

Anon holds an open forum in Ponyville.

Anon's caught the scent of controversy on the wind. To prevent a whisper campaign, he rents out the town square to conduct a free and open exchange of ideas.

This goes as well as one could expect.

Cover art by Nobody

Inspired by anonpencil so you know it's gonna get weird

Published 2023-07-03 06:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-07-03 06:20:00 UTC

Welcome to Twilight Town

"So what's going on?" Sunset murmured out of the corner of her muzzle. She'd stepped through the mirror on one of her infrequent visits to Equestria to find the castle empty. Trotting through the empty halls, she'd made her way to the entrance hall to find a vaguely annoyed Starlight Glimmer settling a set of saddlebags over her barrel.

"Oh, Anon's riling up the populace again. Something about 'free expression of ideas' or something." Starlight remarked as their hooves clopped against the cobblestones of the open market. Sunset grimaced.

"He's not one of those free speech advocates, is he?" Sunset had run into quite a few people in her time in the human world that used the excuse to ram their own point down the throat of anyone in earshot, and while she was used to it by now, even she could only take so much without gagging. Starlight merely shrugged.

"I pretty much filter anything Anon says at this point. Unless I hear a few keywords it basically just goes in one ear and out the other." Sunset raised an eyebrow at the mare, tail swishing behind her in agitation.

"Keywords? Like what?" She watched Starlight's shoulders draw in and her ears flatten against her skull.

"Oh, the usual. Everfree, maimed, tentacles..." She visibly shuddered. "...CMC. If you ever hear Anon mention the Cutie Mark Crusaders, just run. A bunker's a viable option too, if you've got one. My suite doubles as a panic room, but bring food if you want in. I like Pinkie parties, not Donner parties."

Sunset nearly stumbled over her own hooves. She'd like to say she was once again comfortable in her unicorn body, but she still occasionally put a hoof wrong. Seriously, though, how the fuck did this mare even know about that? She highly doubted there was an Equestrian equivalent she'd somehow missed.

"Is the Donner party one of the reasons you filter Anon now?" She watched Starlight halt her steps, tilting her head up toward the sky, eyes vaguely following a whisp of cloud through the wide blue expanse.

"One among many. That and he really has this almost mystical ability to make some outrageous horseapples sound like the most reasonable thing in Equestria. Right until you're hip deep in it..." Sunset expected a grimace at her words, but instead she watched a hint of red wash over Starlight's features. The mare quickly shook her head and set off again, forcing Sunset to break into a quick canter to catch up.

'Well, alrighty then. Anon of the silver tongue, eh? Better keep my wits about me if I want to keep my dignity. If Starlight's any indication that is.' The fiery mare's curiosity was certainly piqued, but she really didn't know Starlight well enough to pry. She'd been under the impression that the mare had something going on with a certain stagepony, if Twilight's journal entries were any indication. Nothing overt, but a tidbit here and there about wagon repairs and never having to air out the guest linens for the star-spangled magician.

Thankfully, the conversation had entered dangerous waters right as they entered town square. A sizable crowd of ponies was already gathered, more filtering in from alleys and connecting streets as they gently pushed their way through toward the stage that had been erected in front of Town Hall.

Standing on it were two ponies and the green man himself. One of the reigning Princesses of Equestria would be what drew the eye to the stage normally, but Sunset couldn't help focusing on the human figure that towered above her. It was still a mystery where exactly the man had come from or how he'd gotten here. He certainly wasn't from her new human home, and the means by which he arrived weren't as kind as the mirror in giving him a more fitting form for the equine dominated world.

By the time he'd been made aware of the other bastion of humanity through the mirror, he'd already settled in pretty adamantly, apparently. Sunset still wanted to convince him to make the trip at some point, though. If nothing else she was just curious how the magic of the mirror would effect him. Would it turn him into a pony in the human world, since he was a human in theirs? Seeing Anon in pony form was most definitely an interesting idea.

She'd shown him pictures of her friends on previous visits, and his reaction had been... Mixed. She had a pretty good idea that if she cast a location spell on the picture of herself and her friends at the beach that'd gone missing it'd lead her straight to either his bedroom or his wallet. His mouth, on the other hand, err, hoof, had busily derided their color schemes. Applejack was apparently the only one that even vaguely resembled the humans of his homeland.

His only response to a picture of the human CMC was "Orange girl Bad."

He hadn't elaborated.

Sunset came to a stop at the front of the crowd while Starlight forged onward to the foot of the stage. She levitated her saddlebags up to Applejack, the third figure occupying it, then exchanged a few words with Twilight and Anon. The pair swung their gaze toward Sunset, both waving. Anon smirked at the mare with a raised eyebrow, while Twilight graced her with a warm smile.

Starlight rejoined her at the front of the crowd while Twilight cast a spell encompassing herself, AJ and Anon.

"Ahem, can everypony hear me? Hello ponies of Ponyville! We've gathered you all here at Anon's request to address an issue I've personally been wrestling with for the past few years. I'll let Anon explain further. Applejack will be joining us as a moderator of the discussion."

AJ tipped her hat to the crowd while Anon stepped forward, giving the crowd an exaggerated bow.

"Let's talk about sex, baby."

Sunset let out a choked cough as Anon's magically enhanced voice plunged the Square into absolute silence. She felt a hoof on her back and turned to see Starlight giving her a commiserating glance.

"Word around the watercooler's telling me ponies might be getting a little uncomfortable with my 'sex positive' attitude. A little birdy even told me, thanks Flutters, that I might be degrading the general morality of the town in some ponies opinion."

The crowd erupted in murmurs and more than a few blushing faces, as well as a loud 'eep!'

After letting his statement sink in for a few moments, Anon gestured back toward the purple pony Princess behind him.

"I discussed it with Twilight, who informed me she was aware of the prospective problem and had been working on possible solutions for quite a while now."

Twilight stepped forward and cleared her throat, hoof scuffing the stage nervously before apparently strengthening her resolve.

"Ahem, yes. After much thought and discussion with my advisor on the matter, I've come to the decision that residents of Ponyville will henceforth be banned from discussing matters of a sexual nature in public or private."

The mare gestured back to Applejack as Sunset got a sinking feeling in her stomach. This was... Not going to end well. The apple pony merely tipped her hat again and uttered a single word.

"Based."

Anon looked back and forth between the two mares with an astonished expression.

"Wu-wait, what? This was supposed to be an open forum discussion! We were supposed to talk about this, discuss concerns and possible solutions!"

Anon looked completely floored by the announcement. Applejack stepped up and laid a hoof on his hip, pulling his attention down to her.

"Look, sugar cube, Twi here's the Princess. She thought it over, talked it out with me and made her choice."

Sunset watched Anon flinch away from the mare, looking wildly between her and the Princess before making a sweeping gesture that encompassed the stage and the crowd beyond it.

"Then what was the point of all this? What happened to the open forum? You were supposed to be an impartial moderator!"

Applejack shrugged her shoulders, a hoof flicking the brim of her hat up as she looked at the taller creature.

"Twi figured it'd be easier ta just co-opt this here shindig since y'all had it all set up already. No one ever said nothin' about me bein' impartial, neither. Ah'm more of an echo chamber far as this here topic goes."

Anon gaped at the pony before his gaze snapped to the morose looking Princess sharing the stage with them. He gestured out toward the agitated crowd.

"Twilight, be reasonable! I've helped ponies with this! What about Vinyl and Octavia? I convinced them to finally accept their feelings for each other, and they've never been happier!"

A cello bow and amplifier raised out of the sea of ponies as if in silent support.

"I convinced Discord to give those jam jars sentience so that weird pony could finally stop feeling guilty about whether he was taking advantage of them or not!"

A sticky hoof could be seen poking out of the crowd, a jam covered golden band glinting in the sunlight. "We're getting married!"

"I could point out a hundred ponies in this crowd that've benefitted from talking to me about this stuff! How can you just ban the subject entirely?"

Twilight let out a long suffering sigh before stepping forward.

"Look, Anon, I don't have the time OR the inclination to take this on a case by case basis. Me and Applejack agree it's icky and makes ponies uncomfortable. Besides, there's no empirical evidence that supports your argument. We can discuss this as long as you want, well, until the decree comes into effect later this afternoon that is. Just understand my decision is final."

Anon clutched at his bald head, as if to yank on nonexistent hair.

"But that's a logical fallacy and shows extreme bias! There's no empirical evidence because you won't look for it? Because it's icky and makes you uncomfortable? What the fuck, Twilght?!? I just pointed out several examples!"

Applejack sighed, scratching her neck with a hoof.

"It ain't just Twi, Anon. Ah talked it over a bit with the cousins, and a fair few of 'em came down on mah side. It's our Celestia given right ta simplify this inta a generality, and far as ah see it, generally this here subject makes ponies uncomfortable. Might even be corrodin' their moral fiber."

Sunset couldn't help but stare at the tan pony. Was her Applejack like this? There was no way, right? She didn't always add much when girl talk got a little 'spicy', but Sunset had heard some truly raunchy stuff pass the farmer's lips on more than one occasion.

"Applejack, I'm not even going to try to break down the multiple levels of stupid you just displayed." Anon murmured, probably quietly enough that only the ponies sharing the stage with him and the very front of the crowd could hear it. He and Applejack shared a deadpan glare before he turned to the crowd again.

"How about I make my point right now? Hey, ponies, who wants to bone down right now? Who wants a one way ticket to Pound Town?"

The crowd was silent for a few moments, then a few hooves started creeping up out of the multicolored forest of fur. Near the front a hoof was suddenly dragged out of sight, accompanied by a couple wails of dismay and a distinct "Hey! What the hay!"

The crowd parted slightly to reveal a tangle of limbs, eventually resolving into three familiar mares. Two of them looked confused while the third had a very annoyed look on her muzzle.

"What's the deal, Lily? We're supposed to do our bit." The odd mare out let out a huff and gestured toward the stage.

"Look, I think he's cute, okay? Don't judge me, I don't talk shit about your weird kinks, Rosey."

Sunset glanced back up to stage to see a war between pride and embarrassment raging on Anon's rosy features. He stuck his chest out while at the same time rubbing the back oh is neck awkwardly.

"I didn't, um, mean me SPECIFICALLY. Just, you know, in general. Heh."

With a ripple from the crowd, suddenly a LOT more hooves shot up into the air. A few talons and claws as well. Sunset, for her part, hoped Anon could see the smirk on her muzzle. There had been a few dozen hooves in the air before he'd clarified his statement. Anon was doing pretty well for himself.

Twilight rolled her eyes, a faint blush on her cheeks as well as she gestured toward the crowd.

"What were you trying to accomplish here, Anon? I feel like this is only making my point for me. Three mares just threw themselves on the ground in protest at your statement."

Sunset's muzzle scrunched up in irritation. Okay, this was getting a bit too out of hoof. With a snort she leapt up onto the stage, gesturing behind herself as her horn flashed. Her magically augmented voice cut through the burble of the crowd.

"Twilight, seriously, that's ridiculous. Not only were they obviously just going through the motions, one of them wasn't even part of it until they dragged her down with them. You could just as easily say they were forcing their opinion on their friend, and endangering her at the same time."

Applejack stomped a hoof with a huff.

"Still two outta three..."

Sunset trotted over to the obviously horribly confused Anon, patting his hip with a hoof as she frowned at the nervous Princess.

"Obviously, Anon's point was that plenty of ponies are perfectly fine with expressing their desires, even in public. Barring discourse on the subject, especially in private, isn't going to do ANYTHING good. It's only going to enforce a stigma where it's already present, as well as making ponies censure themselves out of fear. I never thought YOU of all ponies would be in favor of limiting the free dissemination of knowledge in the pursuit of truth."

'High school hasn't been a total waste of time if qoutes like that are fresh enough I can pull them out of my plot.' Sunset thought with a smirk.

"The truth that ponies are horny? Nopony needs that." Twilight waved her hoof dismissively. Sunset turned slowly toward the Princess with wide eyes.

"Besides, it's not like the punisment's anything that horrible. I'm not banishing anypony from Equestria, or throwing them in a dungeon. Or, banishing them from Equestria and throwing them in a dungeon in the place I banish them to."

Anon took a deep breath, straightening up and turning to face the Princess fully. Sunset slowly sidled up to him, feeling a hand land between her withers.

"Then what exactly is it?"

Princess Twilight's horn lit up, the flap of the saddlebag Starlight had brought with her lifting up. Sunset's eyes widened in incredulity as the contents floated out into view.

* * *

Sunset walked out of the statue, a skittish green man close behind her. She stood with hands on hips as a trickle of clumsy humans followed them, more than half of them falling to hands and knees. They stumbled or crawled out of the way until nearly a hundred men and women were crowded in front of Canterlot High.

The green man touched her lightly on the shoulder eventually. With a sigh, she reached into a nearby bush and pulled out a backpack. Pulling a leather book out, she tossed it at the base of the statue, watching it slip through the seemingly solid marble.

She stumbled back, falling onto her ass at a sound like a gunshot, eyes wide and a squeak pulled out of her as a wide crack slithered up the face of the smooth stone.

The green man caught her eye, and they stared at each other for a long moment before exchanging a shrug.

With a hand up from the green man, she pulled her phone out of the backpack and opened up the Rainbooms group chat. She felt his arm slide around her back and grumbled lightly, leaning into him and laying her head on his shoulder as she typed.

He might not have turned into a pony when he came through the portal, but that was probably for the best for everyone involved. Besides, fingers were really a lot better for some stuff, and Sunset had a lot of frustration to work out.

'Girls, I'm in front of the statue. I'm gonna need three buses, about a hundred tents, and enough food for a hundred vegetarians for a couple days.'

'Twilight, I need to borrow your family's finance guy. I need to figure out how to move a lot of gold without crashing the economy.'

'Last thing. I'm gonna need a locksmith or as many boltcutters as you can get your hands on.'

Putting her phone away, Sunset scratched at her cheek where the muzzle pressed into her skin.

Author's Note

I honestly have no real stake in this. The idea just popped into my head and I couldn't contain it.