Intelligence Witholding

by Pony Vision

Rating: teen
Tags: Slice of Life
Length: 5090

My smarts are the only thing keeping me alive, but perhaps it's time for my big reveal...

My intelligence is what's kept me going so far, for even when common sense says otherwise, I'm usually right. But what happens when ponies start asking questions I can't or won't answer? When suspicions start arising, I'm going to have to pull off my best act yet, or perhaps revealing my secret would be simpler? Eventually I'm going to have to choose.
I am a liar, a deceptionist, a deceiver by nature, but what if the truth really does set you free?

This is my first ever fic. Any and all criticism is welcome, but at least try to make it constructive! And as for all you Haters out there, I will say now: I do not care how much this subject has been done, I love it and I'm putting my own spin on it.

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-12-01 11:08:01 UTC

Finding The Targets

Another day, another discovery. Or at least that's what I always say. and I'm usually right. In fact, I'm most commonly right about pretty much everything, which gets me a barrel-full of mixed responses. Some find it incredibly annoying, while others are fascinated by my ability to "predict the future", as they call it. Others still find it amusing to put this so called "power" to the test. It very nearly always passes. I have of course been accused of using spells, but that theory has been shot out of the sky by some tests that were run. Me being a unicorn has nothing to do with my aptitude of knowledge.

The only reason I'm good at anticipating outcomes is because I have an incredibly high level of intelligence, as well as some astonishingly fine attention for detail. I don't see it as a gift or a power, I see it as a tool, in a way. I don't use it for good or for evil, I use it for science! I'm probably the first pony to ever even think about truly learning about the world around us. Of course everypony knows that clouds contain and are made of water, but how did the water get there? Why did it condense into a semi-liquid form? And I'm not talking about the manufactured clouds from Cloudsdale, I mean the ones that form naturally. These are the sorts of questions I ask, ones that poke at the fundamental level of things.

While it does unnerve some ponies, most others have begun to appreciate these questions, especially the more astute ones. While I do appreciate and use my talents of discovery, I am never one to boast. I have seen a few others with profound aptitude for a certain craft, but they had unfortunately been braggarts, and consequently had been shunned and on a few occasions exiled. For me, others seem to do the bragging, but luckily are paid no attention.

There is, however, a different reason I disapprove of boastfulness. I wouldn't like to overdose, ever! ERROR-)!#

(Sorry about that, but I can't input certain information, or that happens. I'll see if I can override the security and remove the block, but until then you'll be seeing some of that.)

Well, when I first arrived in Ponyville, I found it rather odd that nopony knew some of the things I had deduced and talked about them freely. TREMENDOUS mistake. One night in a bar, I started a conversation with the bartender that quickly moved to my field of interest. Unfortunately, he found quite a few of the things I told him to be "witchy", as he put it, and very promptly proceeded to oversee my arrest on account of..... actually, I'm still not entirely sure how he persuaded the guards to arrest me. Probably told I knew some form of Dark Magic. I shudder at that awful thought. Anyways, I quickly found myself en route to Canterlot Castle to be fined, put in court, and most probably jailed.

When the day finally came, I found myself to be on trial with the judge being none other than Princess Celestia herself! I still don't know what that bartender could possibly have said that would have resulted in me being judged by the Princess. When asked what I thought of my crime, I told them the honest truth: "I've not the foggiest what I have done wrong or why I am on trial with the highest of all judges."

This of course got a collective gasp from the assembled, except for her honor. She looked oddly smug and I could feel something tugging at her humor. ERROR-)!#. "Your Highness, I politely request permission to speak freely." I asked. With a knowing smile she replied,"Granted." I simply asked, "Why the dickens do you look like you know exactly what's going on here and that I was going to say this before I did?" This, of course, got another collective gasp from the entire populace of the court room, as well as disapproving looks from multiple patrons. Their hatred and loathing felt like toxins being pumped directly into my bloodstream ERROR-)!#. Then, to eveypony's surprise, the Princess chuckled.

"Well, I personally see quite a lot that's wrong with the bartender's description of your crime. Would you mind telling me exactly what you told him?" she asked. "Well of course not!" was my rather enthusiastic reply.

I then proceeded to repeat my entire conversation with the bartender.

After that, I duly noted that most everypony had gone several shades paler than their original coat colour. The few exceptions were the Princess, a lavender coloured unicorn mare in the front row who looked intrigued, a pink mare next to her who looked like she hadn't paid attention to my monologue at all and was bouncing, literally, 2 meters in the air, and lastly another orange mare a few seats away with a Stetson on her head. I could not tell what colour she originally was as she currently looked rather grey and her eyes looked very......for lack of a better word I shall say blank.

"Well now, I do believe that the situation has been resolved. You are found NOT GUILTY," said Princess Celestia with a bang of her mallet,"and are furthermore invited to dinner with me, my personal student and her friends. CASE DISMISSED!"

~~~~~~~~~~

"Wow, I never thought of it that way!" said the lavender unicorn, whom I now knew as Twilight Sparkle, Element of Magic. When I had learned who they were, I'd had several impulses in the span of a few seconds, leaving me rather shaky: 1st to destroy, 2nd to consume, 3rd to run ERROR-)!#, 4th to calm down, 5th to stop having impulses.

The conversation seemed to have a routine to it. Twilight would ask me a question, I would answer with my opinion and expand on it, Applejack would try to refute some aspect of it, I'd put a hole in her argument, she'd look sheepish and admit defeat. Rainbow Dash looked incredibly bored through most of it, but I saw her eyes light up like a super nova when we got to the topic of speed and velocity. She actually seemed quite knowledgeable on the subject. Rarity would comment on and applaud each and every argument. Fluttershy just sat there and looked terrified by everything. Pinkie Pie........ where do I even begin?

She randomly yelled out things that had either nothing at all to do with the current conversation or were a fact that hadn't even been mentioned yet that she shouldn't know. She even commentated on the conversation-"He's got a real whooper of an argument there! But what's this? Applejack comes back with a zoomin' quick attack..... only to have it shot down by the opposition with a good helping of....what's it called? Oh, LOGIC!"

She would also pop out of odd, illogical, and just plain impossible places to make short and loud explanations of things said exactly, and I timed this, 0.4 seconds after they were said. I felt like I needed to test her on, well, pretty much every possible thing! She defied all logic, yet seemingly made sense. And the joy coming off her was more of a feast than the kitchen staff could ever offer! ERROR-)!# At one point she said, " Hey mister, what's with those crossed out bits from before?" An extremely confused me deadpanned, "What?"

"Weeeellll, HE hasn't even mentioned your name, your coat colour, where you're from, or anything like that! All THEY know is that you're a unicorn, not even your gender, and I meant those bits where you can't see what's going on 'cause there's a line through it!"

"What was all of that?" I asked Twilight. "Pinkie Pie." was was simple response. "Well now, where were we...." and the conversation continued full speed ahead, although a portion of my mind continued to think about what Pinkie Pie had said. After the dinner, we were all leaving, when Twilight asked where I was staying. "I haven't entirely nailed that down yet....."

"Well you're welcome to stay with me for awhile, until you get yourself a house. It'd be lovely to have somepony with such high caliber knowledge to talk to. And I still need to find a subject you you don't something about!"

So I figured, why not, and agreed to stay with her temporarily.

What I didn't know, was that this was the start of a chain of events impossible to stop, that would completely change my existence. I still don't get why Celestia, of all ponies, invited me to dinner! But I do have an idea...

Knowing Your Prey

I have a feeling that living with Twilight is going to be a lot harder than it sounds. It's not that she talks too much, as the rest of her friends warned me, or that she didn't do much socializing, just spending time with her books. Neither of these things nor any of the other numerous warnings I had received bothered me.It was the pure emotional overload! ERROR-)!#

(Sorry again, still working on that block!)

Spike was helpful though. Meeting him was quite the occasion! Me and Twilight walked in, her carrying her luggage and me carrying the few possessions I owned in my saddlebags. The scene before us was quite amusing. There in the center of the room, seemingly being absorbed by the MASSIVE plush armchair, sat Spike in the strangest of attire: An old looking red and black robe much too long for him, a matching fez whose bobble hung directly between his wide-set eyes, and a bubble pipe which he was enthusiastically blowing on. He was reading the newspaper. With a light cough from Twilight, he looked up and turned the reddest of hues! He continued this mightily humorous scene by trying to cover his odd wardrobe with the newspaper! I simply couldn't contain myself and fell over from the laughing fit I had!

After a slightly more formal introduction, I learned of Spike's special ability to instantly send and receive scrolls by burning them. I found it most interesting, but filed the thought away for a more appropriate time. I have digressed terribly! Back to the subject at hoof. Twilight experienced so many emotional shifts during the day, that I couldn't tell what her natural emotional state was even if I tried!

I have managed to procure a plot of land and some builders trusted by Twilight to construct my soon-to-be permanent dwelling. It feels odd to say that after spending so much time not having a home. It will be paid for out of my ENORMOUS savings account. The thing is practically bottomless! You'd be surprised how well some ponies will pay for my... services.

But until they finish my house, Twilight has generously offered to keep me sheltered. "Besides there are 3 things that still need to happen. One, you need the official Ponyville tour! Two is a surprise, but you'll find out soon enough. Three, I STILL need to find something you aren't knowledgeable about! So let's get on with number one!"

I had actually never really seen the town or it's inhabitants, I had spent almost all of my time here (Not that it was very long, mind you) reading books and conversing with Twilight. I was rather looking forward to it. "We're going to take a roundabout path, so we'll end up back here! The first stop is right on the edge of town, so let's get going!" She seemed very cheerful, but I could taste a bit of dread underneath her happy shell.

"Here we are, Fluttershy's cottage! She's also the local vet." In my opinion, it didn't really look like a cottage. For me, 'cave' described it better. A nice-looking cave though! I hadn't even known there was a house there until we were at least 20 meters from it. And all the creatures! There were more species there than I could care to name! We walked up to the door. When Twilight knocked, although once again I think a more accurate description would be 'touched', we heard a muffled "Eeeep!" come from inside.

When she opened the door, she looked like she was expecting a mass murderer. "Oh, it's just you Twilight! How can I help?" "Well," she replied, " I'm giving our friend here 'The Grand Tour' and thought I'd show him your house. He certainly seems interested in the fauna." That last statement made me realize I was staring and snapped me back to reality. "Well if he's interested I could show him around, you know, if that's okay with you, I mean..."

What followed was as colourful an experience as you can get, quite literally! There were so many fine beasts and outrageous flora that when we left, all my mind could think about was colour! And all the kindness I tasted there! Simply lovely!

The next stop, as I was told by a very peppy Twilight was Applejack's farm, also near the edge of Ponyville territory. "She was the orange mare with the Stetson, right? Three apples for her cutie mark, green eyes, freckles..."

"Woah there mister!" interrupted Twilight. "Looks like somepony's paying real close attention..." "No, I...." It dawned on me what she was getting at. "NO, it is not like that at all! I just happen to have a fine sense for detail." She replied a tad on the snarky side, "Oh yeah? Then why don't you tell me about Rainbow Dash, who we'll also probably find there?" "Alright then, challenge accepted. Pegasus. Rainbow mane and tail: red,orange, yellow, green, blue, purple. Cyan fur, magenta eyes. Cutie mark is a white cloud with a red-yellow-blue lightning bolt. Likes speed and winning above most else."

Twilight looked dumbfounded. "Wow..."

We reached Sweet Apple Acres and found Applejack and Rainbow Dash bucking some apple trees. "Well howdy there Twilight! Fancy you popping by!"

"I'm just giving my new friend the tour."

"Well while y'all are at it, care to give me an' Rainbow 'ere a hand? Sure would go faster with you two helping out!"

"Come on Twilight, the exercise could do us both some good!" I said, immediately going to the nearest tree and bucking it. Applejack looked surprised. "Now how'd ya do that?"

"Do what?" I asked, a little confused.

"How'd you get all them apples off in one kick? Took me two solid years of practice to get that right!"

"Oh! Well being a traveler comes with it's dangers, so I've attended many schools and mastered a few forms of self-defense. All I did was apply it to the tree."

"Well, I bet can still out-buck you with all your fancy-shmancy schoolin'!"

"As if!" cried Rainbow, who had been uncharacteristically quiet. "I could out-buck both of you!"

"Well then," I replied, "it's a race!"

We exhausted ourselves bucking the trees, and all the while Applejack and Rainbow Dash had told me about themselves. I could feel the sparks between them, although I wasn't about to blurt it out to the world. ERROR-)!# When we finally finished it was as Twilight had predicted: A tie. "Well, you're just lucky I'd already been bucking for most of the morning, or you'd have been toast!" Rainbow yelled as she flew away. "She jus' can't live without 'er pride." a chuckling Applejack confided.

"So are you ready for the next stop?" asked Twilight. "Definitely!" I replied.

So on we went to the next place of interest: The Carousal Boutique. Owned and managed by Rarity, prodigy clothes designer. The moment we walked in we were whisked away to modelling pedestals by a white blur.

"Oh, we simply must get you something my friends!" The 2 hours that followed were terrifying, She put me into so many articles of clothing I couldn't feel my legs! When I was finally let go I left with several more items in my wardrobe.

"Do come back dears!" was the last she said as we left.

"Onto the last location, which is Sugarcube Corner! Come on, we haven't got much time!" It was only just past 3 o' clock, but the excitement I tasted coming off her told me that this was probably the 'surprise' mentioned earlier.

The building we approached looked to be made of confectionery treats! We entered and found it to be completely dark.

.....

"SURPRISE!"

So many things knocked me off my hooves at that moment. The sheer volume of the wall of sound that assaulted me and my poor ears, the actual intended shock of the situation, Pinkie Pie appearing in and taking up my field of vision from the top down, and some other things I simply cannot recall.

And stretched across the room was a huge banner that read:

......

Intergrating Into The Herd

'WELCOME TO PONYVILLE QUANTUM BIT!'

There was cheering and whooping all around me. "What is all this?" I asked in possibly the stupidest tone I have ever used. "This is your surprise!" Twilight yelled over the loud music that had just started up. "Pinkie throws a party for almost any occasion, including welcoming new residents and even just visitors to Ponyville! It's her special talent, and it pretty much sums up the explanation of her cutie mark!" We were now shouting at the tops of our lungs to be heard over the impossibly loud bass.

Bass, that only one pony I knew could play.

I looked to the makeshift stage set up over the counter and saw one of the few ponies I counted amongst my inner circle.

Vinyl Scratch, otherwise known as the famous... "DJ-PON3 IN DA HOUSE!" I heard her scream through the microphone, right before an ear-splitting bass drop.

I caught her eye and she turned the turntable to auto, then jumped off the stage and made her way towards us through what must have been the entire population of Ponyville. "Hey there Quantum! I wondered who the new guy in town was! I do only know one Quantum Bit though, so I guess I knew I'd be seeing ya'!" Twilight looked rather surprised. "Hold it, back up a bit-you two know each other?"

"Well, yes." I answered. "We both attended Canterlot University, Vinyl just a year after me. Our research and learning areas overlapped a bit, and we were a team in several projects."

There were only two reasons I could ever dislike Vinyl. She was a good friend, had a lovely sense of humor, helped me out when I needed it. It's just that...

"Yeah!" Vinyl said in that ever joyous pitch she spoke in."QB over here even helped design those fine, custom-built babies of mine you see on stage all the time! They're way better than any a regular store could offer! Say, I never actually got around to thanking you properly...." she tailed off with a sly grin.

And there it was. She always seemed to boast. Could she boast about herself? Of course! She had plenty to boast about. Did she ever when I was around? No. She always managed to draw too much attention to me!

Also there's the matter of her..... methods of thanks. I never quite understood why, but my bed has been the target of her desire for many years. I've told her in almost every possible way that I'm not interested, yet still she persists. I suppose it's just one of those things you have to put up with. She doesn't mind not being there, it's just that she rather would be there.

I knew where the conversation was headed, having been down it many times with her." Vinyl, when I showed you the idea you burst into tears of joy, said 'Thank you!' so many times I lost count after you hit triple digits, paid for the entire thing and still paid me for the work, ideas, patent, and even a bonus! You've thanked me plenty!"

"Okay, back up a bit again. She attended Canterlot University? To be a DJ?!" Twilight asked with that same, stupefied look on her face.

"Well it was her special talent." I replied, barely holding back my laughter at her facial exdpression. "She only did a course on sound waves, frequencies, their effect on ponies, etc. I was doing the full on science courses."

"Well that at least makes sense!" Twilight said with a sigh of relief.

"By the way, Vinyl?" I asked, my curiosity piqued. "How did Pinkie Pie manage to get a performer such as yourself to come to this most plain of small towns? No offense meant!"

She answered very quickly, almost as though it was rehearsed. "One, she's an Element of Harmony. Two, she's a very good, life-long friend of mine. Three, a few other reasons..." Same smile, same tone, not going there.

"So we gonna party or what?!" Vinyl Scratch exclaimed. She hopped back onto the stage and the music once again took on her signature beat.

Then I saw a pink blur that seemingly phased through all the ponies in the crowd. Based on what I had been tasting coming off her, I already knew what to expect.

"HI THERE!" Pinkie yelled at me, somehow being louder than the music. "Are you enjoying the party, of course you are, who doesn't like parties? Definitely not me or you, but there is Cranky, he's a donkey and he doesn't like parties so much, he likes peace and quiet, and HEY, I never introduced him to Vinyl, I should totally do that and...... wait a second, I came to talk to you! I see the line thingies are gone! By the way, HEY MISTER, COULD YOU HURRY UP WITH THE PLOT, I THINK THE PEOPLE ARE GETTING BORED!"

.........

My mind was still at 'Cranky'. "Pinkie, you really ought to go see a psychologist for an extensive course."

"Now why would I do that?" Suddenly, she froze, and I could distinctly hear turning gears and a ticking noise emanating from her head. "Oh yeah!" she exclaimed. "You're new so you think I'm crazy but I'm not crazy I'm just excited this is what happens when I'm crazy!" Suddenly, her hair.... deflated and her eyes focused on opposite ends of her sockets. She truly looked like she belonged in an asylum, and for unknown reasons I saw a terrifying image of her cutting a pony to pieces.

That's when the wave hit. I tasted so many emotions in that short space of time she occupied her personae, which I was later informed was named Pinkamena, that my brain overloaded and did a reboot. I screamed in agony and everypony's focus was suddenly on me.

"Are you okay? What happened? Do you need medical assistance?" Twilight fired the questions at me in rapid succession. "I'll be fine" I said. "Just a really bad migraine. Well, isn't this a party?" I waved my hooves at the general crowd.

With that everypony returned to their various activities. So for the rest of the night I chatted, danced and socialized in general. But through the entire event I could taste a certain unicorn's suspicion. I do not know if she herself felt it, but I knew that at least her subconscious was onto me.

And I've only been here for four days!

Close assosiation Pt .1

It was going to take the builders several more days to finish constructing my house, so Twilight very kindly offered to accommodate me a while longer.

"You've been such a wonderful guest, and the library has more than enough room!" she assured me.

"Well then, I suppose I'm going to have too find some way to thank you." I said. "I would hate to take advantage of you."

"Really," she replied, "it's fine! There's no need for thanks."

"At least let me provide assistance around the library then. It's the least I can do."

"I'm afraid that right now there's really not much to do. It's been real quiet around town, although knowing Ponyville, it's probably just the calm before the storm."

As if on queue, the door burst open and a wildly flailing and very loudly crying Rarity flung herself through the doorway.

"Oh Twilight, the WORST POSSIBLE THING has happened!" She made the motion of fainting, then a plush couch flew in through the door and caught her. I really ought to investigate that. "Oh, I am simply RUINED!"

"What is it Rarity?" Twilight asked in a rather nonchalant, yet irritated tone. It would appear that this happened all the time. It also indicated that Rarity was a drama queen.

"Oh Twilight, I have a new range that I'm designing for Hoity Toity that's going to go on show to the whole of Las Pegasus!"

"But Rarity, that's great news!"

"It would be if my model hadn't broken his hind leg! I simply MUST see my garment's effects on a living, breathing pony before they go on show! Whatever shall I do?"

"Well you could always find a new model." Twilight responded, stating the rather obvious answer.

"If only it were that simple! My range is designed to complement a very specific figure, and nopony else I can find is the right fit! Unless..."

She hopped off her sofa, which whizzed back out of the door, and made quite a display of measuring me and inspecting my build.

"Yes........ yes! You'll work!"

"Pardon me, but what are you going on about?" I asked. She seemed quite elated about whatever it was.

"I'm saying that you have the correct contours to make my designs flourish! And with what I've got in mind, those deep blue eyes of yours will shine like diamonds!"

"So you're requesting that I model for you?"

"Why yes! But you won't have to come with me to Las Pegasus. Even if my model isn't well by then, Hoity Toity is sure to have someone to take his place!"

"Well, I guess it couldn't hurt to help out a friend. If I am considered as such, that is."

"Darling, in Ponyville, we are all friends!"

"Very well then. Goodbye Twilight! I shall see you when next I do."

"Bye Quantum, Rarity. I'll see you later then."

So we trotted out the door and down the road to Carousal Boutique. I had a rather vivid memory sequence involving my first visit.

"Excuse me Rarity, but will this experience be much like my first visit?"

"Oh, terribly sorry about that! It's just that you're new and I tend to 'zone out' when a new sculpting possibility just walks in through my door. Never fear, you're not the first to experience one of my episodes. Most of my friends can attest to that. Don't worry, I'll be gentle this time, Pinkie Promise"

She then went through a series of motions that looked completely alien. She made a cross with her left hoof over her chest and then closed her eye before sticking her hoof into it, all the while reciting this chant: "Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye."

Immediately, Pinkie popped out of a nearby flower pot with the dirt and flower on her head and yelled, "You better keep that promise!" She then jumped out of the impossibly small space and flew into a nearby bush. I went to look in the bush, but she wasn't there! She'd just vanished!

"Believe me darling, you don't want to think about it."

"I'll go along with the ploy for now, but one day I shall understand her! Mark these words for they may be the last that I mention regarding the matter. She may well drive me over the cliff of insanity if my current experience is anything to go on."

So on we went, despite the slight interruption. When we arrived, Rarity called out to someone.

"Sweetie Bell! I'm home! And I've found a replacement!"

"Who is Sweetie Bell?"

"Oh, I'm sorry! I forgot to mention, I have a not-so-little sister. Do be warned, she is rather exuberant and VERY forward. Never does she mince her words."

"It's fine. I rather like forward ponies."

At that very moment, the subject walked through the door to the house area of the building. "Hey Rarity! So who's the new guy? You are new in town aren't you? 'Cause I've never seen you before."

She was only just shorter than Rarity. Now I understood the not-so-little part. Even so, I am slightly tall, and I looked down a bit to make eye-contact.

"Why yes," I replied, "I am new to town. I've only been here a few days. I am going to be Rarity's living mannequin for a day."

"So you're the replacement? Nice pick sis! He's pretty cute!"

"Sweetie Bell!" Rarity scolded her sister. I could feel the plasma of my blood rushing through my face.

"Well it's true! He's quite the stallion. Are you two planning anything?"

"No we most certainly are not! Go to your room until further notice! I can't believe you'd be so rude!"

With her head hung low and her tail between her legs, she left the room back the way she came.

"I'm terribly sorry, but I did say she was forward."

"Don't worry about it. You did warn me, but it could have been worse. At least it was a complement."

"I suppose... Well then, shall we get on with today's task?"

"Of course."

So for the day following, Rarity told me quite a lot about herself while going about her business. Her special talent and unique ability to magically locate gems and minerals, the story of her getting her cutie mark, her run-in with diamond dogs, basically her life story. And through each and every one I tasted happiness, or joy, or some other enjoyable emotion. She had lived a very happy life.

"And.... done! Finally! I have completed my designs, and by Celestia do they look good on you! If Hoity Toity can't retrieve a truly top-notch model for me, they may detract from my creations' beauty! You really do them justice!

"Well, I am overjoyed that you were able to help! I will have to find a way to thank you, but until then, you'll have to make do with meager words. Ahem. Thank you ever so much for assisting me, Mr. Bit!"

"Ms. Rarity, you are most welcome."

With that I headed back to the library for some quality reading time.