Me, Myself, and I

by ShadowStar_IMHP

Rating: everyone
Tags: Original Character, Comedy, Fluttershy, My Little Pony: The Movie, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe, Human
Length: 4994

Chris Johnson was given an offer he couldn't refuse. An offer by old man Discord, to change the destiny of Equestria itself. Or at least an Equestria.

The Bermuda Triangle struck again; a man fell out of reality into Discord's bathtub. Chris Johnson was lost in the multiverse, unable to return home, and he was given an offer.

Discord would send him to an Equestria to prevent the Tree of Harmony from being destroyed. He would gain a new body, one adapted for the magical land. However, when Chaos Magic is involved, there is always a twist. Chris found himself in the body of a baby Chimera with two other heads. His SuperEgo was now a goat head on his left side, and his ID was a dragon head on his right.

Can Chris pull himself together and work with his other aspects, or will history repeat itself? There is also the problem of him being a baby monster in the magical land of Equestria.

Art cover provided by Mix-Up

Published 2023-07-05 04:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-08-13 04:16:44 UTC

Making a deal with Discord

'Finally, a decent vacation.' Chris thought to himself as he lounged on the cruise ship's deck. He had vacations from work before, but he had the funds to buy tickets and, this time, escape the monotonous life in the city.

The cruise ship's intercom turned on, broadcasting the Captain's voice. "Greetings, passengers; you can now see Bermuda's shoreline ahead. We are docking in about five hours on this… what the hell? Where did that come from?" then the intercom shut off.

Chris sat up and looked to the ship's right side, seeing dark, ominous clouds moving in the cruiseliner's direction. The intercom came back on. "This is the Captain speaking. I'm sure you notice the storm front on our Starboard side or right side as you face the front of the ship. It's just a small sprawl. Our radar makes it about two miles across. For your safety, we recommend that passengers head indoors as it passes by; swimming in the pool is prohibited until an hour after we pass the storm."

Chris stood up, and a wave of dizziness struck him. He staggered to the railing as the storm moved with surprising speed. The rain soaked him, and the nearby people had vanished. Chris didn't know what had happened as he moved to the lounge.

A second wave of dizziness and time seemed to frieze for Chris. Raindrops hung suspended in the air; he could see people in the lounge pointing to him, yet not moving. Above, the clouds glowed a green shade, and then the world dropped out from under him.

The ship was gone leaving Chris suspended in the air. "Aghhh!!" he yelled as he plunged into the water.

His lungs ached, demanding he takes a breath, but he resisted till he breached the surface and gasped. Desperate, he went through the oddly calm water to the… "What the?"

Chris's hand touched the side of the giant rubber ducky. "How did a Rubber Duck get here?"

A booming voice responded, "The real question is how a Human gets into my bathtub." A lion's claw the size of a car scooped him and the rubber duck out of the water. Chris could see more of his surroundings as the paw-like hand lifted him.

A massive bathtub was now below him, floating on an island surrounded by a chaotic mess of reality. It was islands of various land masses and buildings made out of candy. Chris passed out when he saw the two yellow eyes staring at him with red pupils.

"Well, I know I'm a stunningly good-looking fellow, but passing out is rude," Discord said as he pulled the plug of his tub, and the ceramic, metal, and everything but the water went down the drain. The water splashed upwards into the sky. "Now, what to do about you." He said as he eyed the human in a pair of red swimming trunks.

Chris's head hurt, and he opened his eyes to see wallpaper with butterflies. He glanced at what he was sleeping on, seeing a teal sofa. "Huh, that couldn't have been real."

"Oh, I wouldn't say that." Discord's voice came from behind him. Turning to his right, he saw Discord on a matching chair sipping from a teacup. "Do be a reasonable guest, and don't scream. I made some chamomile tea; it's very soothing."

Discord then poured another teacup full, "Sugar?" he asked as he lifted a sugar cube from a small bowl.

Chris sat up, blinking as he tried to get his mind around the fact he was speaking to Discord, the spirit of chaos himself. "One sugar, please."

The cube fell into the teacup with the sound of a soda can opening, and he passed it over to Chris. "So, human, I rarely get a guest here. Mind telling me your name and how you interrupted my bathtime?"

"I don't know. One moment I was on a cruise ship heading to Bamuda, and a storm appeared out of nowhere. The next, I was falling into your bathwater." Chris looked over the mix-matching figure. This wasn't a cartoon; everything was too real.

Discord tapped his chin, then set the teacup down. "What color was this storm?"

Chris sipped his tea before answering, "A green color; well, the clouds were black, but it was like someone was shining a green light behind the clouds."

Stroking his beard, Discord sat back. In the silence, Chris took another look at the spirit of chaos. His beard was long, longer than in the cartoon; he looked old. The once black mane was now long and white.

"Ah, you must have passed a rip in your reality; it's a common situation; just given how big a universe is, the chances are slim for it to happen in a habitable world. Most pop up near large gravity wells like blackholes," said Discord after he thought about it.

"Can you send me back?" Chris asked. Discord glanced at the human on his couch and snapped his fingers.

The two now sat on an asteroid floating in space; at least, that is what Chris first thought, seeing the blue and green planet below. Then he saw the other planets, hundreds, no there were more thousands or even millions of Earths all around them stretching into infinity.

Discord smirked. "I can, if you can point to your Earth. These are all the Earths with Homosapians on them; I excluded the ones without your species."

Chris blinked. "I can't tell."

Discord snapped again, and there was just one Earth. "That's the problem; I can open holes in the dimensional fabric, but I can't send you back home without knowing where you came from. However, I have an offer for you."

Chris noticed he still had his teacup and took another sip as he listened to the draconequus. Discord continued, "I made a terrible mistake; it destroyed Equestria and the ponies' Harmony. I was young and foolish then; I thought I was helping." Discord's voice was soft at the end of the sentence.

Chris set his cup down. "Are you talking about Chrysalis, Tirek, and Cozy Glow?"

Discord shook his head. "Oh no, those three got what they deserved. I'm talking about causing the Tree of Harmony to be shattered. I didn't understand what it was doing. All that chaotic magic of the Everfree, the Tree was keeping it anchored. Or, more precisely, a release valve and controlling the magic over the world. Without it… well, magic became uncontrolled. Spells became stronger, and Earth Ponies' magic became more pronounced. Even the Pegasi could create tornados all by themselves."

"Not to mention the other species. It was chaos, but not the kind I enjoyed. With the Windigos banished for good, nothing could stop the fighting. Twilight Sparkle, in her brilliance, made her greatest mistake. She attempted to make a new Tree of Harmony, the Unity Crystal."

Chris interrupted, "When the crystal was separated, it took all the magic."

Discord nodded. "Yes, and of course, the magic flooded out when Sunny Starscout reunited them. Nearly destroyed the whole reality."

"So what does this have to do with me?"

Discord smiled. "I can't undo my past, but I can prevent another universe's Discord from following the same script. I send you into an Equestria reality where you can change the tide of destiny. You be able to stop the Tree from Harmony from being destroyed and be able to help guide Twilight Sparkle in guiding Equestria into a better future."

"I take it you can't just let me live here, a roommate?"

Discord's eyes flash. "Not an option, eventually you go crazy as your mind struggles with the chaos. Now each reality has its own rules and changes outsiders to fit. It's why I can't enter human realities; I end up subatomic."

Chris had time to yell, "Wait…" before Discord snapped, and he fell into a swirling vortex.

Discord smirked as the portal closed, and he took another sip of his tea, then looked up and addressed the reader. "I still got it," he laughed as the scene changed.

The birds were singing, the trees rustling, and Chris was slapped across the face. "Wake up; we need to figure things out."

Chris's mind took notice that the voice was familiar, very familiar. He rubbed his cheek and opened his eyes. "Yeah, I'm awake. Had the strangest dream."

The voice spoke again. "It wasn't a dream, and it got even stranger." This caused Chris to look around. He was in a forest, a very dense forest; it wasn't what caused his thoughts to come to a stop. His hand was a lion's paw. "Wait, did Discord make me a draconequus?"

"No, he didn't look to your left." Turning his head to look, Chris found himself eye-to-eye with a baby goat head growing out of his left shoulder. "Behold, Chris, it's I, Chris Hendricks Johnson. At least a part of you, I haven't quite figured it out. Oh, wake up the other one of us on your right."

Chris turned to see a drooling baby dragon's head attached to his right shoulder. He reached up with his paw and shook the Dragon's head.

The baby dragon started cursing, "Fucking Discord, that no good… um… why are there two animal heads on my left shoulder?"

The Goat chuckled. "It seems we are a Chimera. More precisely, a version with three heads at the neck. Be glad you aren't the serpent tail."

The Lion and Dragon tried to look behind them to see the body of a lion, two tiny dragon-like wings, and a red dragon's tail. Lion Chris spoke, "Okay, so why are we all, me?"

Goat Chris sighed. "My working theory is that were split into the Ego, Super Ego, and ID."

The Dragon yelled, "I'm Super Ego! Because I'm super, and a dragon that makes me super."

Chris felt his left paw lift as Goat Chris facepalmed. Then explained, "That's not how it works; instincts, hunger, desire, and other basic needs drive the Id. The Super Ego is morality, ethics, and intellect. Where the Ego is the center, the most grounded."

Dragon Chris blinked. "So you are Spock, I'm 'Bone' Mccoy, and that means the lion cub here is our Kirk?"

Goat sighed. "We must get out of here; if you two haven't noticed, we are a cub or, for the Id over there, a baby. On top of that, I think Discord dropped us in the Everfree."

Dragon growled, then said, "Fuck, that slimy old bastard."

Lion sighed. "Yeah, he is still a jerk, even if he is old."

Goat nodded. "My sentiments exactly. Now I think Ego, you have full control of the body as I can only use our left foreleg when you aren't using it."

Dragon uses the right foreleg to stick his thumb in his ear and wiggles the fingers.

He looked at the paw as it move and slap him. "Focus Id. We need better names; all this Id, ego stuff is getting on my nerves."

Goat nods. "As much as I agree, let's leave the forest now. Then we deal with things that aren't life-threatening."

"I agree with Goatboy; I'm hungry, and there's nothing to eat here."

Chris got on all four limbs and started making his way forward. From his left, Goat asks, "Where are you going? We have no clue where civilization is."

Chris smirks. "We do look up."

The Goat and Dragon look up, seeing a faint line of smoke. Chris then adds, "That has to be from a fireplace. It's too consistent for it to be a campfire and too small to be from a forest fire."

Dragon laughed. "Hey, Goatboy, he got you there!"

A sigh escaped the Goat as they headed forward. "Well, someone has to say it."

The other two heads look at the Goat. "Welcome to Equestria."

Author's Note

Well, I'm Back! With a whole new adventure. My muse has been driving me crazy with ideas, some good, some great, but not all were complete.

This one I had in the back of my mind for some time. Humans in Equestria often have the human become Pony or other creatures in the magical land. Some even had them arrive in the body of villains, but what about the monsters?

The world of Equestria is full of dangerous beasts, some mundane, others more magical. I chose the Chimera for this story. The idea of a guy dealing with other variations of himself is funny to me. There are two types of Chimera, three if you include MLPs, Tiger Chimera.

The first is a Lion, Goat, and snake-headed tail; the other, the snake, is replaced with a Dragon's head at the neck, wings of a dragon, and depending on the artist, a dragon's tail. The last one is the type you find in Dungeons and Dragons, so that's what I'm using.

Why a baby? Well, you will find out in the next chapter!

Oh any ideas what their names should be?

Over the river, or not.

Chris started to walk and probably fell face-first into the dirt. "Hey, careful there, Chris." The Dragon head spoke as he brushed the dirt off his face.

Chris let out a sigh. "Sorry, it's not easy being quadrupedal when we were biped for all our life." After a few more minutes to figure out how to walk, Chris headed toward the smoke trail as the woods closed around us. After a few more minutes, the Goat said, "Is it just me, or is it getting dark?."

The Dragon's head bumps into me as we look at our third head. Chris nudged the Dragon with my forehead before asking, "Crap, you right, the trees are getting thick."

Dragon lifted my right paw and motioned to the trees. "It's already too late; we lost the smoke trail."

Dragon let out a loud curse, and I sighed before speaking up. "If we just head in the same direction, we will eventually find the exit."

The Dragon's nostrils flared with a puff of smoke. "Our sense of direction sucks. We got lost in a shopping mall once."

Goat chuckled. "To be honest, that mall was crap."

The three grew quiet as the forest's faint light brought an oppressive sensation only broken by thin beams shining through the thick canopy.

Chris slowed down and tilted his head, hearing a faint rumbling sound. "Um, guys, do you hear that?"

"I don't hear anything," Dragon says as he looks around. The Goat's head ears swiveled on his head, and he took control of the left paw and pointed to their right. "It's the river in the show, the one they crossed to get to the castle.

"Okay, Dragon's ears suck. Didn't they say on that survivor man show to follow the water to civilization? At the very least, the water breaks up this forest canopy, and we get some light." added Dragon as his head tilted to the branches. "If this is the Everfree, it never looked this gloomy in the show."

There was a huff from the goat head as I shrugged, then said, "That Discord didn't look like he did in the comic either."

Dragon gruffed, "Dude, don't shrug. It feels like a shiver down the spine."

"I also think those are Poison Jokes near those odd-shaped rocks over there." Stated Chris motioning to the blue flowers growing in a patch of light.

The Goat's face scrunched up as he squinted his eyes. "I just see a blue blob. Well, that confirms this is the Everfree. Let's try that river option. I don't want to get near those flowers; we don't need to be more mismatched."

They headed off the game trail following the sound of water. The canopy grew thinner, and more light shone through; the underbrush, however, took advantage of this and grew thicker. Then we came to a large bunch of bushes that stopped our progress.

The sound of rushing water was very near, and lowering their heads, they pushed through the branches.

Before they realized the mistake, the ground crumbled under their weight and plunged the chimera cub into rushing water below. "Agh… Help." Chris screamed out just as his head went under.

Panic surged through Chris's mind as he struggled to swim with a body he could barely walk. The three heads were heavier than the rear, making keeping their heads above water even harder.

As they sunk, a large shadow moved above them, and as the last bubbles of breath escaped their mouths, a purple-scaled hand plunged into the water.

Steven Magnet looked at the sad waterlog cub in his hand. "Oh no! Come on, don't give up, breathe." He tilted his hand so the heads were downhill and tapped the odd creature on the back. "Come on, breath."

Pain and gagging reflex woke me up as Chris coughed water onto the patch of grass. Once their breathing came easier.

The three looked around the clearing when a voice said, "You are okay? I was so worried little one." All three of our heads looked up in unison to see the purple and orange maned sea serpent Steven Magnet.

Dragon slapped the side of his head and then spoke up, "Thanks for saving us, Steven."

Steven smiled and leaned down. "You are a chatty little drake? Or whatever you are. Too bad you can't tell me where your parents are."

The three Chimera heads looked at each other. Then the Goat said, "I don't think he understands us."

Chris nods. "Your right; look at his mouth. He speaks a different language, and we hear English."

A gnawing sound caught Chris's, Goat's, and even Steven Magnet's attention. The Dragon was gnawing on a stone, then a bit broke off, and he swallowed. Then he noticed the others. "What? I'm hungry, and I figured, being a dragon, I could eat a simple stone."

Steven moved faster than Chris could follow; Steven removed a large bass fish and placed it down before them. "You must be hungry, be a dear, and stay put as I try to find your parents."

From my left, the Goat whispered, "Have you noticed that he doesn't have a mustache?"

Chris looked at the Goat. "I noticed, but what do you think…." The sound of chewing again drew their attention to the Dragon eating the fish ignoring the scales, bone, or manners.

The Dragon snorted. "What? We had sushi before, and it's not like Steven there going to gut it and roll it up with rice. We need food, and this is food."

Goat gasped as Chris laid down and bit into the soft belly of the fish. I felt my left paw lift as he face-planted and spoke, "I'm attached to savages. Discord, why did you curse me so!"

Chris nodded and went back to eating, ignoring the herbivore goat as he went to take a bite of grass. As soon as the hunger faded, Dragon lifted his head and looked around. "Guys, when did Steven leave?"

The Goat swallowed and replied, "A few minutes ago, I believe. Steven went upriver. I guess he's trying to figure out where we came from. He mentioned our parents, but we know he wouldn't find them."

Steven slithered upstream; his serpentine body quickly moved over the river's rocks. He held his head up to gaze over the banks of the river and the bushes along its edge.

It wasn't long before a flash of light caught his attention. Moving closer, he saw the spot where the ground broke off and, leaning closer, saw the strange child's paw and hoof prints. He rose and peered into the darkness of the trees.

At first, he dismissed the strange-shaped stone and lowered his head so his eyes wouldn't be in sunlight. A gasp escaped his lips as his eyes focused on the female Manticore statue, complete with a smaller stone cub. Then he spotted the patch of blue flowers.

He pulled back and looked downstream. "The poor thing must have got away from a Cockatrice only to run through those Poison Joke flowers."
He couldn't help but wipe his eyes free of the tears before looking at the Mantacore. "Madam, I can't undo what has happened, but you have my word. I will take your cub to a safe place."

His serpentine body twisted and curved as he changed direction and returned to where he left the cub.

Chris was bored now that his belly was full of fish, grass, and a bit of rock, so he said, "Okay, what is it with Steven not having a mustache?"

The Goat rubbed his chin. "I can't be sure, but I think we are in the time before the show. Steven just hasn't grown a mustache. I assume old man Discord made sure we are young enough not to seem odd as we adjust to our new life."

Dragon snorted. "As if having three heads of three different species isn't Odd enough."

Chris laughed. "Yeah, he is a jerk still. Guess he wanted me, or us, not to be alone."

Their conversation stopped as Steven approached them and sniffled, "Oh, you poor baby." He lifted them and hugged the three. "All alone in this cruel forest. The Everfree is no place for a cub alone, don't worry. Uncle Steven is going to take you to someplace safe."

Steven then set the three on his head and spoke, "Now hold on, the place is a bit downstream, but it's out of the Everfree, and from what I heard from the animals, there's a very kind pony there."

Dragon looked at the other two. "What does he mean, Uncle Steven?"

Chris used his right paw to scratch his chin. "A safe place just outside the Everfree? Ran by a kind pony, wait, does he mean?"

Goat smiled. "It has to be Fluttershy."

The ride through the Everfree was uneventful; there were a few creatures that the three never saw before, not even in the show. The forest eventually ended, and they saw the river approaching a lake.

For a moment, Steven stopped as he looked into the distance at a small tree-like cottage. In the front yard stood the butter-yellow pegasus talking to her mother as her father removed a box from a cart and carried it inside.

Goat nudges Chris. "Look how young she looks. Just like the flashbacks, the sonic rainboom must have been recent. It looks like she's just moving in."

Fluttershy stopped speaking and stared at the approaching sea serpent. "Eep," then flew so fast into the cabin. The speed at which Fluttershy passes Mrs. Shy, her mane style, is blown loose from the wind.

A rainbow blur bolted out of the cabin, and Rainbow Dash slammed her right front hoof into Steven's chin as she yelled, "No monster going to threaten my friend!"

The three gasped as they struggled to hold onto Steven's mane.

Steven held his hands and said, "Wait, I need help. The animals said this was a safe place."

Rainbow Dash flew back a few feet and tilted her head, squinting her eyes. "You need help? Look at you; you are huge."

Steven blinked. "Why I never. I am very fit and lean."

Dash shook her head. "No, what I mean is you can, like, eat a pony in one gulp."

Steven huffed. "I only eat fish, if you must know. Now where is there a responsible adult?"

Mr. and Mrs. Shy approached slowly. Mrs. Shy spoke up barely. "I think we qualify for responsible adults."

Steven smiled. "I'm sorry to intrude, but like I said, I need help, and the Everfree animals said this is a good place."

Mr. Shy nodded. "So it is. My daughter has taken to living on the ground and tending to the animals she found."

Steven reached up and moved the three down to the ground. "I found this little fellow drowning in the river."

Mrs. Shy smiled at Chris. "Aww, it's a baby."

From the cabin, a soft voice spoke, "A baby?" Fluttershy peeked out of the house and then flew over.

Dash landed and looked at Chris. "It is a baby. Huh, what kind of baby is it? There's a kid, a cub, and something like a lizard, but all mixed up."

Steven spoke again. "I believe they were a Manticore cub that ran through a patch of Poison Joke."

Mr. Shy stepped forward and looked down at the cub. "Poison Joke? Is he in danger?"

Steven shook his head. "Poison Joke is a nasty little plant that changes a being that touches it. They are small blue flowers but do some nasty things. I don't know of any cure, but it only affects you when you touch the plant. So they are safe, just altered by magic."

Dash flew up to hover in front of Steven's face. "You said a Manticore? How he came to be with you?"

Steven sighed. "I saw them struggling to swim and got them out of the water in time. Once they recovered from nearly drowning, I went upstream and found where they fell into the water. I looked for their Mothe and found a female Manticore and another cub turned to stone by a Cockatrice. He must have run away from the Cockatrice, through the Poison Joke, bush, and into the river."

Fluttershy gasped, bringing her hooves to her mouth. Then she grabbed Chris and hugged them. "You poor thing. Don't worry. You are safe here."

Chris looked over her withers and then to his other self. "Guess our first task is complete. We made it to Ponyville."

The Goat was squinting as his eyes water; Chris's eyes were getting heavy as well, as he blinked a few times.

Fluttershy held them out and looked them over. "Oh, you must be sleepy. You had a very stressful day."

Steven nodded. "So, is it alright for him to be here?"

Fluttershy looked up. "Of course, Mr… um, sorry I didn't hear your name."

"I'm Steven Magnet. Can you tell me your name?

Mrs. Shy smiled, seeing how her daughter opened up, "I am Mrs. Shy, and this is my Husband."

Dash fluffs up her chest. "I'm Rainbow Dash, the fastest pegasus in Equestria."

Steven rubbed his chin. "And with a mean right hook."

Dash rubbed the back of her head. "Sorry, I thought you were going to hurt my friend."

Softly, Fluttershy said, "I'm Fluttershy, and I guess I should name these three." She looked down at the three. The Goat was winking one eye after another, Chris blinked a few times, and the Dragon's eyes slowly closed as he nodded off. She spoke softly, "I think Wynkem, Blynkem, and Nod would work for names."

Mrs. Shy smiled. "Like the fairytale I used to tell you."

Fluttershy nodded. "I better get these three into a bed."

Steven looked back at the water. "I wish I could stay, but I need to get back into the water. My scales get all nasty if they dry out. Take care of the three tired tikes. If you need me, ask a bird, they know where I made my home." With that, he turned and waved as he headed for the water.

Fluttershy placed the cub on her back and headed into the cabin.

Mrs. Shy "Now Fluttershy, I know you want to take care of animals, but a baby." She looked at the cub "Manticore, and one that had been affected so by magic would be even more challenging."

"I take them to Dr. Fauna in the morning. Hopefully, she will have a better idea of what to do, and hopefully, we can undo that nasty poison joke magic." Fluttershy said as she entered her new home.

Chris struggled to stay awake as Fluttershy carried them to a small room. Fluttershy set them down on a cloud mattress. "I'm sorry, I don't have much furniture yet. Sleep well, Wynkem." She then kidded the Goat's forehead.

"I make sure you are safe, Blynkem" She kissed Chris's forehead." She looked at the Dragon, who was already asleep. "Pleasant dreams, Nod."

She turned and saw a small white bunny looking at the new intruder. "There you are, Angel Bunny. I want you to behave. These little guys lost their family." Then she picked up Angel and closed the bedroom door.

Mr. Shy looked at her. "Fluttershy, where would you sleep?"

Blynkem didn't hear the reply as sleep took him to the realm of dreams.

Author's Note

Yes, I know it's not a very long chapter. With how much I work at home and at my job, I get maybe one or two days to write. So don't expect long chapters in this story, I'm writing for fun, so I'm just goofing off and causing chaos in Destiny's plan!

They falling asleep seemed a good place to break for a new chapter. What do you think a three-headed Chimera would dream about? Are they still linked enough to have one dream, or did they diverge enough to be three different dreams? Being a product of Chaos magic, do you think a certain teal eye Princess calling herself Nightmare Moon would take notice?

Find out next time, whenever!

More personal note, I'm shocked at how out of practice I am. Getting back into writing is a challenge. Please note, if you aren't aware, I have a few disabilities, including Dyslexia, so spelling and grammar are difficult for me. Sometimes I write a word one way only to misspell it later or write a name differently. I am using the Grammarly Program to double-check my work; however, it's a program and will not correct everything, so please forgive my mistakes. If you point them out to me, I will make corrections.