Twiggled: A RariTwi Exquisite Corpse

by SigmasonicX

Rating: teen
Tags: Romance, Thriller, Cheese Sandwich, Rarity, Profanity, Adventure, Derpy Hooves, Human, Twilight Sparkle, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Alternate Universe
Length: 14213

Princess Twilight ventures outside of her castle in disguise with her dog and meets a cute girl! Then strange things happen...

Princess Twilight ventures outside of her castle in disguise with her dog and meets a cute girl! Then strange things happen...

An exquisite corpse is a form of collaborative art where each participant only knows about part of the whole work, and must complete their part with limited context. In this case, each writer only had access to the previous chapter, resulting in the story getting confused, yet still moving forward undeterred. The exception is me having full context when helping out the others.

Participating writers were me, SylkWeaver, Gearcrow, Dord, kits, Nonchalant, trAce, femikol, and The Red Parade.

Published 2023-07-08 06:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-07-08 06:50:00 UTC

1. The Missing Princess (SigmasonicX)

Queen Twilight Velvet fidgeted in her seat. She and a small number of selected palace staff had gathered in a conference room to discuss a matter of grave importance.

“While we previously claimed that the princess was still in bed soon before lunch, we have since determined it was in fact—” the head servant pinched the bridge of his nose and then continued “—a pile of pillows placed underneath her blanket with a rudimentary system of air pumps to simulate breathing.”

The queen sighed. “So you’re telling me my little Twilight has been outside the castle for hours now? With no security at all?”

The royal guard captain saluted. “My queen! Give the word and we’ll retrieve her shortly.”

Velvet waved her hand. “We can’t make a big show of this. If anything, it could be more dangerous for her if people knew she was outside the castle.”

The head servant bowed his head. “My queen, if you will. Our kingdom is a kind one. Surely there is no risk to giving Princess Twilight some room to explore the city on her own. Knowing her, she’ll come back on her own before nightfall.”

The queen squinted in consideration. “Perhaps you are—”

“This world is imperfect.”

Everyone immediately turned to look at the new arrival. She wore a black uniform with white ruffles. Her blonde hair was down and she had a monocle over her good eye.

She clenched a gloved fist. “Make no mistake, the outside world is dangerous. If only I could wipe away the impurities and make it as beautiful as me.”

The queen nodded shortly. “Quite right, Duchess Muffins. It’s far too dangerous for my princess.”

The head servant raised a finger. “If I may—”

Duchess Muffins interrupted. “My queen, allow me to find the princess. I will be far more subtle than your guards, and I will bring the princess back to safety shortly.”

The queen stood. “Very well, I will leave this task to you. Please have her back by nightfall.”

The duchess smiled. “Consider it done. This meeting has concluded.”

The queen stepped out without another word, and the others left shortly after, with only the head servant giving the duchess a second look. Still, even he could do nothing more than sigh as he returned to work.

The duchess stepped outside of the castle and into the shadows underneath an archway. She then spoke into the darkness, cleaning her monocle with a cloth. “By stealing the magic of Princess Twilight Sparkle, I will finally be able to overthrow the kingdom. I want you to bring her to me alive. You are allowed to hurt her if it comes to it.”

If anyone was watching, they would have been surprised to see someone standing behind the duchess as though he was always there. He wore a dark poncho and cowboy hat, tilted down over his face. Between his hands was a black accordion, which he squeezed menacingly in response.

Meanwhile, Princess Twilight Sparkle—or rather, the perfectly ordinary commoner named Sitwee—was having the time of her life. Being able to visit all the places she previously only saw from a distance while en route to her public speaking events was a dream, and her being able to spend it with a beautiful tourist made it even better.

Said tourist had stepped away to admire a poster on a store wall, twirling a finger through her purple hair. “My, your country really does have such a lovely princess.”

Twilight was in the middle of petting her dog, and when she looked up, she did a double take. Rarity was looking at a picture of her—of Princess Twilight Sparkle—sitting in a throne with her hair down and spread across her shoulders, with bright purple eyes shining unimpeded. She reached up and double checked that she still had her hair up in a ponytail and had glasses on. Good, that meant Rarity wouldn’t be able to recognize her.

Still, she couldn’t help but stutter. “Y-yes, thank you, I—our princess would really like you saying that.”

Rarity looked back over her shoulder. “You wouldn’t happen to have run into her at any point, have you?”

Twilight forced a smile. “Can’t say I have.”

Rarity waved her hand. “Well, I’m sure you will someday. Now, where to next, dear?”

Twilight looked around. Having been outside the castle so little, she didn’t actually have any clue where she was going, and they were just going to the most interesting place she saw from where she stood. That worked out so far. “How about we get some gelato?”

Rarity clasped her hands together. “That does sound wonderful! It would be good to have something cold right now.”

As they walked to the gelato shop, Twilight admired the clear blue sky. She looked down and smiled as Spike made funny grunting dog noises as he walked alongside the two of them.

“So, my scintillating Sitwee, have you been to this shop a lot?” asked Rarity.

Twilight nodded. “Of course! I go all the time!” Did that sound believable? She continued, “In fact, the owner and I are friends!”

The princess felt her dog bump his head into her leg.

Twilight waved her hands. “I mean, not that great friends. He’s not going to treat me differently than any other customer.”

Rarity blinked. “I see. Well, I’m sure he must be a nice fellow.”

As they arrived at the gelato cart, Twilight mentally kicked herself when she saw the person manning it was a woman. Blushing at her unforced error, she scratched the back of her head and said, “Oh, I guess they have a stand-in anyway, so just forget everything I said.”

Rarity didn’t seem to be paying attention, instead humming as she looked at the offerings. “Sitwee, what flavor do you recommend?”

Twilight’s eyes widened. Of course, that was the obvious question after pretending to be an expert. She quickly scanned the menu, trying to determine what would be best. In the end, she shrugged and quickly said, “Oh they’re all good, that’s just the sort of place this is.”

Rarity smiled. “Splendid. Very well, I suppose I’ll try out the lavender and raspberry flavors.”

Lavender did sound like an interesting flavor. If she was going to get a second scoop, though, maybe it was better to get the standard flavor of vanilla just as a baseline.

Twilight stared at her gelato upon receiving it and she felt her mouth watering. As a princess, she had all kinds of food, including desserts, but something about this fresh gelato from a street cart felt appetizing like nothing else. After the two of them sat down, she slowly extended her tongue and took a tentative lick of the vanilla. Her eyes immediately widened and sparkled.

“This is remarkable!” exclaimed Rarity. “I know they said the gelato here was good, but this really is on another level from what’s at home.”

Twilight couldn’t respond as she vacuumed up her gelato, barely giving herself time to taste it. When she saw Rarity looking at her, she froze.

Sweating despite the cold food, Twilight said, “Yup, always good, even for someone like me that has it every other day.”

The tourist gave a simple smile in response and went back to eating.

Not wanting to give her time to figure out that this was her first time here too, Twilight searched for some way to distract her. Suddenly it came to her: small talk! That’s what she needed to do. She cleared her throat. “So, Rarity, are you by yourself?”

Without hesitation, Rarity responded, “I’m quite single, yes.” Twilight blinked, and this time Rarity was the one to stutter. “I-I mean no, I came here with several friends. We’re all looking around the city separately, but we’re going to meet back up at the hotel tonight. Still plenty of time before that, so don’t let up on the touring, Ms. Local.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t.” Twilight winked. “And I’m quite single too.”

The princess’s face fell. She immediately regretted saying that, especially as she looked down and saw Spike shake his head. It didn’t help that Rarity’s response was to giggle.

Twilight stood up. “Anyway, next place!”

“I actually have someplace in mind for that, darling.” Rarity pulled out her phone. “You know the Temple of Celestia, I assume.”

Twilight nodded. Even she knew of the most touristy of tourist destinations in the city.

“Well I’m not interested in going there, but there is a charming little bookstore close to it that I’d like to check out.”

Twilight blinked. She leaned over, almost spilling some of her gelato. “Wait, Rarity, you want to go to a bookstore?”

“Not a place many tourists are interested in, I know, but I saw pictures of it earlier and it just looks so wonderful.”

Twilight smiled brightly. Rarity really was the best person she could have chosen to spend the day with. She shoved the rest of her gelato cone into her mouth. “Alright, let’s go!”

Rarity smiled. “I didn’t expect you to like bookstores so much, but it does fit you.”

Twilight wasn’t sure how to take that, so she simply said, “Thanks.”

Still not too far into her gelato, Rarity continued licking as they walked. Following her directions, the bookstore was soon in sight.

But then Twilight saw the last thing she wanted to see now. Royal guards coming straight down the street and toward them.

She froze. What to do now? Her disguise was working on a tourist, but would it work on royal guards?

Twilight looked around for a way to discreetly escape. She spotted two seedy looking men jumping in surprise as they saw the guards and ducking into an alley. Then those two men… started kissing!

Twilight put her hand to her mouth. Of course! From the movies she saw, diving into an alley and kissing was the best way to avoid people coming after them! That’s how she’d avoid the guards!

But wait, who was she going to kiss?

“Sitwee, why did you stop?”

Twilight turned and saw that Rarity was looking at her with a curious expression.

She was going to kiss Rarity?! Sweat started pouring down Twilight’s face as her eyes drifted down to the tourist’s lips.

Was there truly nothing else she could do?

2. Kissing a tourist (SylkWeaver)

Rarity leans a little closer at Twilight's lack of a response, curiosity quickly turning to a gentle concern for her impromptu tour guide. “Sitwee? Is everything quite alright? You’re looking a little red in the face… you’re certain you’re well enough to continue this tour?”

Twilight’s eyes flick towards the royal guards that are still marching their way stoically towards them at the same pace as before. Her eyes flick back to Rarity, and then over to the alley which still contains the two men passionately making out.

Rarity continues talking, blind to the disguised princesses internal turmoil. “Not that I haven’t enjoyed your company so, but if you require rest I would hate to keep you!” Rarity leans closer and finally invades Twilight’s space for the first time, reaching her hand up to the princesses forehead and laying her palm gently against it. With the exception of the castle's servants and her own mother, Queen Twilight Velvet, nobody has ever dared to do something as intimate as caress Twilight's face before.

Rarity isn’t the only one surprised when Twilight kisses her suddenly.

Twilight's brain hiccups and stutters slowly back into working order mid-kiss after having briefly short circuited from the barrage of thoughts. She screams at herself internally at her impulsiveness, glad to have her mouth occupied at the moment so that the screaming remains internal. She holds the other woman by her sides firmly, unsure where to put her hands.

Rarity initially freezes up at the abruptness of the kiss, standing completely stock still. After a second of hesitation and confusion, she leans into the kiss. Wrapping her arms around her disguised tour guide's neck, Twilight's hands still holding her firmly by the waist.

After a few years of incredibly confusing bliss, Rarity is the one that pulls away first. Having been so enveloped in the moment, Twilight is startled by the cough from behind her.

“Erm, excuse us, misses?” Turning slowly to the source of the voice, she finds the two royal guards from before standing right in front of them. Twilight cringes back away from them, clutching gently at Rarity’s arm. Her dog, Spike, presses close to her leg, sensing her anxiety at the situation. She had gotten so enveloped in the kissing part of keeping people from coming after you that she had completely forgotten the incredibly crucial diving into an alley part.

Twilight glances over at Rarity nervously and finds Rarity looking at her in turn. The face of the pale tourist that she kissed so abruptly is flush with color now. Her cheeks are a beautiful and rosy crimson, drawing Twilight's attention to the adorable dimples she has. Dimples caused by the smile she’s been making since Twilight kissed her. Rarity turns away from Twilight to look at the guards once more and Twilight's eyes follow nervously.

“Ahem! Mmm, yes! What can we do for you two dashing gentlemen today?” Rarity recovers her composure much quicker than Twilight can, smoothing her bashful and slightly goofy smile away into the more polite smile she was wearing earlier.

The guard standing slightly closer looks between the two slowly for a moment and Twilight swears that his eyes linger for a second longer on her before he pulls out a rolled up scroll. “We’re looking for some guys that look like this. I don’t suppose you’ve seen them?” Twilight tries not to let her relief at them not addressing her be too apparent.

Rarity looks at the image for a while, tapping her cheek thoughtfully with a finger. “Not that I can recall. You’ll have to forgive me, officers, I’m not a local here. What about you, Sitwee?” Rarity’s eyes drift slowly over to Twilight.

Twilight tries to fight the rising butterflies that Rarity’s look gives her, focusing instead on the sketch. Despite not going out of the castle before, the faces on the scroll look weirdly familiar to her. Twilight allows her eyes to drift with her thoughts, drifting towards the nearby alleyway. The two men from before are still sloppily making out. Spike growls a little from his spot below everyone, reminding Twilight that he’s there.

Glancing back at the scroll, Twilight can see that the guard has followed her gaze towards the alley. He turns the scroll around, looking from it to his partner with a solemn nod. “Thank you, ladies. Sorry to bother you. We hope you both enjoy your stay here in Canterlot.” The two guards immediately turn to make their way over to the alley. Unsurprisingly, the two men they’re after don’t waste any time in beating a hasty retreat once they realize the guards are headed their way.

Without even having to utter a word Twilight made it through that harrowing encounter with her kingdom’s royal guards. She turns to look at Rarity excitedly, the edges of her mouth turned up into a goofy smile. Rarity’s cheeks haven’t stopped emitting a rosy glow. With the two guards having left the two of them in peace, she’s allowed her smile from just after the kiss to at least partially come back.

She coughs gently into her left hand, her right arm still being clung to by Twilight. “So, ah, not that I’m complaining of course, but… That kiss was-” Rarity doesn’t get a chance to finish whatever thought she was working towards as Twilight becomes suddenly very aware of their continued closeness.

Letting go of Rarity’s arm Twilight starts sputtering out a hasty apology, looking around for anything that could be a good explanation for her behavior. Something that isn’t the truth of her deception and her actual identity as the princess. “Ah! I’m sorry! I’m so sorry! I didn’t- I just- You were right there and I panicked and-” She stops talking as a finger falls over her lips, her eyes flicking back to Rarity’s still present smile.

“It’s okay, darling! I’m not mad! It was… it was nice.” Rarity’s eyes appear slightly distant as she says this, looking somewhere beyond Twilight for the briefest of moments. Her eyes refocus quickly and she stares intensely at Twilight. “But I don’t like to be toyed with, Sitwee.” Twilight flinches at the emphasis that Rarity puts on the fake name that she gave. Her eyes cast downwards guiltily at the thought. Twilight nods gently, knowing that Rarity is right.

A soft hand takes Twilight's chin, tilting it up slightly so that she’s now looking Rarity in the eye again. The woman smiles warmly at her, bringing Twilight's spirits back up slightly. “What say we continue having a good time on this tour of yours and see what the day has for us, hmm? You’re very nice Sitwee, but I hope you can understand that I can’t exactly jump into the arms of someone I just met.”

Taking a few breaths to calm her nerves, Twilight returns the smile as best she can. “Um, yeah, yes, please. I’m sorry. You still want to go to that bookstore near the temple?”

“Hmmm…” The very pretty tourist turns away from twilight, “Well… I suppose it can wait. You’re my charming tour guide after all! Where do you think we ought to head next?” Despite what she just said about taking things slowly, Rarity doesn’t pull any punches with her flirting. The fluttering of her eyes mixed with the way she accentuates the word charming both work very hard to destroy Twilight's carefully rebuilt composure.

Twilight curses to herself over having asked the question in such a way. This is still her first foray into the city and that book store sounded plenty interesting. She glances down at Spike, hoping that he would have some advice on the matter. Unfortunately for her he hasn’t stopped being a dog and can only give her what seems to be an apologetic head tilt. Or maybe he’s just doing that because that’s a thing dogs do when you look at them sometimes.

A man in a poncho watches the disguised princess and the tourist closely. He flexes his accordion slowly like you would a muscle, slow enough that it doesn’t even make a sound.

Finding the princess hadn’t been too difficult for a man of his skills. Her disguise isn’t even that good if he’s being honest. Then again, Senor Queso would never discount the effectiveness of simple articles of clothing at obscuring one's identity.

But really, she isn’t even wearing a hat like he is, she just has some glasses and tied her hair in a ponytail. He tilts his head, letting the brim of his cowboy hat obscure his eyes slightly while he smiles to himself. It was a good effort, but some things really do separate the pros from the amateurs.

He watches the two women interact from a distance, watching them share a kiss with great interest. With this new information, he takes the time to study the tourist just as closely as he has been studying the Princess. The Duchess Muffin had ordered the Princess to be brought to her alive, even if he had to hurt her. An idea for how to get the princess to come with him willingly is starting to take shape.

He watches as the royal guards leave the women alone, rapping his fingers gently against his accordion. Years of experience tells him that it would be best to wait for a clear opportunity. He can be patient for now.

3. An Accordion and Temptation (Gearcrow)

As a child, Twilight read no shortage of stories about foolish princesses doing foolish things, and she’d always felt a certain mix of casual disdain and surprised awe at the heroines of said stories. On the one hand, she’d found them careless and irresponsible, after all, a failure to perform–to be what a princess is meant to be–had ramifications on so many people beyond the princess in question. On the other hand, the freedom to be bold and to only heed the desires of the heart, with no regard for the outcome, was exciting and terribly tempting. In the end, it seemed, temptation had won out.

They were sitting on a bench next to a large fountain in one of Canterlot’s nicer parks. Not that Twilight had ever been there before, of course, but she’d seen it on maps, and when the beautiful and bewildering Rarity had asked her “tour guide” to take them somewhere beautiful, this was all she could think of. Twilight wasn’t necessarily sure a park qualified, but Rarity did seem content eating ice-cream under the mottled boughs of the parks tall oak trees. More importantly, however, she’d not seen a single guard since they arrived at the park.

“Sitwee,” Rarity said, nibbling on the stick of her now finished ice-cream, “this really is quite a lovely place, but every city has parks. Isn’t there something you could show me that is more unique, so to say. Something only a local like yourself would know about?” She dazzled Twilight with a wide smile as she asked, and the run-away princess had to look down to hide the fiery blush that was creeping up her face. Rarity said she’d enjoyed it, but Twilight still felt like a fool for having kissed her earlier, even if it had only been to prevent captivity and a premature return to the palace.

“Uhm,” Twilight stumbled, “I…” This would all have been a lot easier if she’d actually been out in the city before, and Rarity distracting her with her clever smiles and easy confidence wasn’t exactly helping either.

In stories, all the exciting things always happened in alleyways, or bars, or secret underground meeting places, but most of those options seemed dangerous or imaginary. Maybe she’d take Rarity to a libr… She stopped herself from finishing the silly thought, and something of the despair she was feeling must have been apparent on her face, because Rarity placed her hand gently on Twilight’s shoulder, concern plain in her eyes.

“Are you ok?” she asked.

Twilight laughed and nodded nervously.

“It’s just,” Rarity continued, “with the guards before, and now, you seem a bit uncomfortable. You don’t have to tell me, of course, but if there’s something going on you need help with…” Rarity left the words hanging, clearly hoping “Sitwee” would divulge to her the secrets of her strange and erratic behavior.

Twilight had half a mind to, but the choice was stripped from her by the arrival of a man wearing a poncho. His hair was long and curly, and he had an accordion slung across his chest. He was also tall enough that he blocked out the afternoon sunlight, casting both Rarity and Twilight into shadow.

Rarity looked up at the man, clearly annoyed by the interruption.

“I’m sorry, sir, is there something we can do for you?” she said, sounding much less nervous than Twilight felt. She had no idea who this man was, but despite the accordion and the poncho, there was something intimidating about him. He ignored Rarity’s question and looked Twilight in the eyes.

“Hello, Princess,” he said, voice comically low and gruff. Rarity looked confused, but Twilight, overcome by panic, moved by instinct. Unlike Rarity, who had finished her popsicle, Twilight still had plenty of her ice cream cone left, so she jammed it into the strange man’s face, grabbed Rarity by the wrist, and ran.

She could hear the stranger swearing behind them, though all his expletives were childishly mild, but she didn’t bother turning around to see if he was following. For luck, Rarity was running just as fast as Twilight, though she was clearly bewildered by Twilight’s aggression.

She opened her mouth to ask Twilight what on earth was going on, but before she could say anything, the sound of the accordion rang out across the park, followed by a yellow shockwave that crashed into a trashcan to their left, crushing the bin and sending garbage flying in every direction.

Twilight stumbled and almost fell, and Rarity screamed, but neither of them stopped running.

“Who is that?! And why does he have a magic accordion?!”

“I’m sorry!” Twilight yelled back, pulling Rarity to the ground behind a tree just in time to dodge another blast from the accordion. The park ended less than a hundred meters ahead of them, and Twilight saw an alleyway they could duck into and hopefully hide from their attacker.

“Sitwee,” Rarity gasped, trying to catch her breath, “what do you mean you’re sorry? Do you know who that is?”

Twilight peaked out from behind the tree, trying to spot the man, but had to duck back down to avoid another blast.

“I, uh, I…” Twilight stuttered, unsure of what to say or do. If she could see the man clearly, maybe she could cast a concussive spell strong enough to knock him out, but it seemed risky. She turned and looked Rarity in the eyes. It seemed foolish to keep hiding who she was, but at the moment, they didn’t have time for a longer conversation.

“I don’t know who he is, but I suspect I know why he’s after me. It’s going to have to wait though. We have to make a break for that alley over there, ok? I promise I’ll explain when we’re safe.”

Rarity nodded and after counting to three, Twilight booked it for the alley, praying to the stars above that they’d get away. Rarity followed hot on her tail.

“Hey now, Princess,” the man called from behind them, his gruff affectation abandoned. “I’d really rather not have to hurt you, so why don’t you leave that pretty young lady alone and come with me.”

No sooner had he finished talking than an accordion blast passed just over Twilight’s head, grazing the top of her hair. She felt Rarity stumble this time, falling to the ground and pulling Twilight down with her.

Rarity groaned, apparently having fallen rather hard, but when Twilight turned to check on her, she found that her own shoulder was in a rather large amount of pain. Worst of all, the fall had allowed their pursuer to catch up to them.

Twilight looked up at him, frustrated and scared. If he’d been a guard sent to collect her, he would never had risked hurting her, nor would he have treated her with this complete lack of deference. Rarity pushed herself closer to Twilight and grabbed her arm, as if proximity would protect the two of them. Twilight lifted her hand, ready to at least attempt an offensive spell, but the man held up his accordion and tutted her.

“Hey now, Princess, you wouldn’t want your lady friend to get hurt, would you?”

“Why does he keep calling you princess, Sitwee?”

Twilight ignored Rarity for the moment, staring daggers up at the man. “Who sent you?” she asked, certain it hadn’t been her parents. The man laughed out loud at that, wiping a fake tear from the corner of his eye.

“Never you mind that. I’m not in the business of giving away my employers. As I’m sure you can imagine, it isn’t exactly good for your health.” He pulled a thumb across his neck in an exaggerated motion. “You may call me Señor Queso, and it would be easiest for everyone if you just came with me of your own free will.”

Twilight felt trapped, but something had changed in Rarity’s eyes while Señor Queso was talking, fear slowly being replaced with anger and determination. Sure enough, as soon as he was finished speaking, Rarity kicked up as hard as she could from her position on the ground, slamming her foot up between Señor Queso’s legs. The man buckled over, wheezing loudly, and Rarity jumped to her feet, pulling Twilight behind her.

“Let’s go!” she yelled at Twilight, and Twilight didn’t hesitate. Bruised and hurting, but excited to have gotten one over on their pursuer, the two of them dove into the alleyways of Canterlot. The second to last thought Twilight had before ducking out of the light of the sun was that all of this was likely Duchess Muffin’s doing. The idea caused a growl to start building low in her throat. She’d show that clown that she wasn’t just some clueless prey item.

The actual last thought Twilight had before ducking out of the light of the sun was that the woman holding her hand and running in front of her was really quite beautiful. Stunningly so, in fact. Despite everything, Twilight smiled and laughed. Temptation really had won out. Maybe all those adventurous princesses had actually known what they were about.

4. Ignition (Dord)

They ran and ran without thinking, neighborhoods passed by in a blur with the disguised princess being pulled by her girlfriend with an impressive display of strength.

They finally took refuge in a remote cafe on the outskirts of town.

With the rush of adrenaline stopping, and making sure that the pursuer was lost, the newly-met couple became silent.

The delinquent princess looked around the neighborhood in excitement, being kept hidden from what lies beyond the castle’s walls her entire life made her feel like a child once again.

Rarity glanced up from her cup of tea, gazing lovingly at her “Sitwee” and her innocent little smile, reminding her of little Sweetie Belle seeing Canterlot on their first trip here a long time ago.

“You seem to be very excited seeing ordinary buildings… as a tour guide, no less, darling?”

The disguised princess’s eyes grew wide. She faked a cough.
“No, no, Rarity… these… These are not just ANY buildings.” She stood up, proudly pointing towards some decrepit buildings in the distance. “These are the founding houses of Canterlot!!”

(Squee!)
(Silence.)
(A tumbleweed rolled past them.)

Rarity arched an eyebrow.

“Oh fine!” Twilight “Sitwee” Sparkle fell back on her chair, sulking.

“Don’t be so dramatic, princess, I’m jesting,” the pale girl replied with a sip from her cup.

Lowering her cup, Rarity stared scrutinizingly at her recently-just-became girlfriend. Twilight flustered.

“I told you, I’m not a princess! That Senõr Queso guy probably mistook me for someone else.” The suspect princess looked away.

“Come on now Sitwee. Please...” She had large pupils, with her mouth curved down.

Dang! The princess thought. Her eyes… How could anybody else in the world ever resist that?

No! She can’t. She has to remain steadfast, the scandal of a royal princess running away is bad enough, dating a commoner as well?

There must be a way to get out of this tangled mess while keeping contact with Rarity. Oh right, get her phone number, pretend she has to go home, both sides are happy, right?

But was she going to leave this beauty to her own devices? Leave her to be found by Senõr Queso and his magical accordion device blasting yellow shockwaves? Reciting that last sentence in her mind reminds her of Pinkie’s randomness, they could totally be an item, not going to lie.

Rarity watched her date gesture wildly, likely doing some mental calculations, mouthing something about “Pink and yellow color looking so well together.”

She was starting to get concerned for her date actually, so she asked. “Darling?”

Twilight bolted upright. “Y… YES?”

“What were you daydreaming about, hm?” She flutters her eyelashes a few times for good measure.

She knows! Panic gripped the princess, biting her lips, she blurted out,
“I was thinking about us, babe!” She followed with a poor attempt at fluttering her eyebrows.

Rarity hiccuped. Followed by the most unladylike laughter she ever had.
“BWAHAHAHAHAHA! You! You are so funny, Sitwee! HAHAHA!”

Twilight could only groan and wait for her lady friend to stop wheezing.

“Haha. Wow!” Rarity wiped away a tear, still laughing a little. Twilight facepalmed.

Silence overcame the table once more.

Twilight’s face became serious, she sighed.
“I fear for your safety, Rarity.” She took Rarity’s hand and held it softly.
“Senõr Queso might’ve been after me back there, but he saw you with me as well. He might’ve not known of our relationship in detail, but it might’ve been enough for him and his cronies to paint you a target as well.” Her voice was etched with concern.

“See, darling? That’s what I don’t understand. Who are they? Why are they after you? And most of all, what was that accordion magical shockwave… thing that Queso guy used?” Rarity leaned closer to Twilight across the table, eyes staring, refusing to be swayed.

Twilight wanted to look away, to spare her from the truths, yet when she looked back into those irises, she saw not a weak, dramatic diva queen Rarity painted her to be, but a woman full of conviction, determination, faith, and trust. A trust in Twilight more than anything. Those beauties shine brighter than any eyeliner, lipsticks or brushes she uses.

Her admiration was interrupted with a gentle peck on the lips.

“It’s alright, darling. You don’t have to.” A hand stroked Twilight’s cheek.

Twilight closed her eyes, deep breath, before speaking.

“It has something to do with the Duchess.”

She raised her hand before Rarity could interrupt.

“Her full name is Her Lady Duchess Muffin Garland McGuffin Mary Platinum Aurum Agatha the Fifth of House Manehattan. Or just Duchess Muffin.”

“I’ve heard that name mentioned in the royal news sometimes. Though I believe they’ve never gotten a single picture of her.” Rarity got up, picked a newspaper from another table. “Today’s printing as well. ” She cleared her throat and started reading aloud.

Canterlot Daily News
Royal Announcement:
The search for the missing runaway Princess Twilight Sparkle continues on without rest with Prince Shining leading the search. Yet the young heiress of the Royal Family still eludes officials.

Both King Night Light and Queen Twilight Velvet had declined to give out their thoughts on the current matter. Lady Mi Amore Cadenza, the rumored current partner of Prince Shining, has also been sighted entering the Royal Palace. House Manehattan has also been sighted … (More at page 7)

…
“Sighted doing what!?” The mentioned princess jumped up in anticipation.

Rarity gulped, turned a few pages before continuing.

Page 7:
… House Manehattan has also been sighted fortifying their castle for unknown reasons, surrounding the walls with armed forces. Connections between the princess’s disappearance and the House’s behavior are still unknown, with both parties going silent to the outside world. Though unrest has begun to build up with citizens of the two states fearing some form of civil war between the Royal House and Manehattan. We can only…

“Stop.” Rarity heard a faint voice coming from across the table.

Looking up, she saw “Sitwee” putting her head against the tabletop, shaking softly.

She was crying.

“Darling? Are you alright?” She slowly crept towards her partner, leaving the papers on her seat.

“This… This is all my fault….” came a shaky reply.

Rarity gently patted the princess’s hair. “It’s alright princess. Everything is going to be alright.”

Silence, saved for the occasional hiccups and sob coming from Twilight.

When the Princess finally calmed down, Rarity gave her own handkerchief to wipe away tears.

“Thank you Rarity.” Mumbled Twilight as she took Rarity’s napkin.

“Always for you, darling.” Twilight couldn’t help but smile at this tenderness.

“By the way… Why did you call me a princess? I already told you that Queso person got it wrong.” The runaway heiress looked away in guilt.

“Your reactions to the news said everything, dear.” Rarity knelt down beside Twilight’s chair and kissed her cheek.

“House Manehattan, Duchess Muffin, they want me alive for whatever reasons…” Twilight gently touched Rarity's face.

“It’s related to Senõr Queso and his magic accordion somehow right?”

The princess nodded.

“But… I still don’t know the Duchess’s purpose, goals, and intentions right now. It’s why I can’t go back to my parents at the present even if I wanted to.”

Rarity stroked Twilight’s bangs, exposing her eyes and gazing into them.
“You can’t be playing investigator alone, darling…” Rarity lovingly replied.

“My family and even Canterlot can be at stake if I don’t know the whole situation.” Twilight protested.

“That’s why you’ll need the ‘Rarity Investigates’, dear.” Rarity somehow managed to put on a monocle, find a magnifying glass, and proceed to lay down dramatically on a random couch, much to the irritation of the waiter working overtime.

“I can’t put you at risk because of me, Rarity!”

“You don’t put me in this situation at all, Twilight.” Their forehead pressed together.

“I put myself in this position for you, dearest...” Rarity closed her eyes, a single tear escaping her eyelids.

“Because… Finally, I think I’ve truly fallen in love with you.” Twilight’s eyes grew wide, and so did her smile.

“I love you too, you drama queen.”

In a tiny cafe at dusk fall, two girls shared a simple kiss that said more than a thousand words. Realizing their feelings for each other, their resolve strengthened, gone are the fears, anxiety, and uncertainty, replaced by the feeling of partnership, compassion, and love.

Even if Duchess Muffin sent henchmen more powerful and stranger than Senõr Queso’s magical accordion to capture Princess Twilight for whatever wicked purpose she had, they are going to brave the coming storms, together.

“I see our path ahead, full of despair and hardship, and I will walk it with joy in my heart.”

In a hidden alley not far away, a pair of eyes watch the couple from the darkness.

5. Do Crime (kits)

“Such a lovely shade of violet,” thought Rarity as she continued to stare into Twilight’s eyes. So cute and so very full of… alarm? Rarity scarcely had time to wonder what had so startled Twilight before her girlfriend grabbed her and hurled the pair of them under a table. The impact with the floor knocked the already tenuous breath out of her. The hair on her arms prickled and stood on ends as a low hum vibrated her skull. Then the plate window of the cafe shattered and sprayed across the small cafe.

Despite the ringing in her ears, Rarity could make out villainous laughter. Fending off Twilight’s clutching grasp and ignoring the hushed “Rarity, no!”, she peaked out from under the table.

A short, very poorly dressed man stood out in front of the cafe. Dressed in a tight yellow shirt, purple, of all colors, overalls, and holding forth a golden accordion he bounced from foot to foot as he cackled. “Poor little princess!” His nasally voice seemed to rub against Rarity’s ears in quite the same way a kazoo did. “You thought you could escape? There is no escape from Seniõr Ques–”

There was a hollow thunking sound, and the man’s head tilted ever so slightly. Then he toppled forward to reveal a pair of figures standing in the moonlight.

“Mother fu– ah!” whined the leftmost figure, and shorter. Removing her hand from a half meter section of pipe and shaking it. “It was like hitting a brick wall.”

The rightmost figure chuckled. “Missed the sweet spot, eh, Dash?” Ignoring the glare the injured girl gave her, she stepped forward. “Anyone in here hu– Rarity?!”

“Holy shit! Dude, are you okay?” Both figures hopped through the broken sill.

“We’re quite alright now, Sunset dear,” said Rarity as she helped Twilight out from under the table.

“We?” Rainbow Dash raised an eyebrow. “I thought you swore off dating after Appleja–”

Sunset step on Rainbow’s foot. “Care to introduce us to your friend?” The slight pause before “friend” gave Rarity an out should she wish it. Sunset was always, well, not polite, but considerate.

“Oh, of course.” Rarity pulled Twilight forward. “This is Sitwee. We met earlier tonight and have been having an absolutely lovely evening together. And this is Sunset.”

Twilight took Sunset’s outstretched hand and gave it a small shake. “Um, thanks for, um,” Twilight gestured towards the broken window. “Stopping that creep.”

From over by the bar where the waiter was still recovering from the sonic blast, Rainbow piped up, “Dammit, Rares. I’ve told you to do it right!”

Sighing and massaging the bridge of her nose, Rarity gestured to take in both Sunset and Rainbow. “These miscreants are Sunset Shimmer and Rainbow Dash. They… ugh, fight. Crime.”

Twilight had glanced towards Rarity while she gave her amended introduction, and was nearly startled off of her feet when she looked back to find Rainbow Dash right in front of her, leaning in to examine her far too closely. “Sitwee, huh? She’s cute!”

A siren in the distance drew their attention. Sunset grabbed Rainbow, but turned towards Twilight and Rarity. “It’s been great to meet you, Sitwee, but we’re not exactly, um.”

“Fucking pigs don’t like us horning in on their turf!” shouted Rainbow.

Twilight opened her mouth to defend her brother, but caught herself before she revealed her identity to these two. “Actually, we’d both rather avoid the attention of the constabulary as well.”

Dash and Sunset glanced at each other and Rainbow’s face split into a wide grin. “You should keep this one, Rares.”

“I hadn’t planned otherwise, darling.”

With a chopping motion, Sunset killed the banter. “Let’s get off the street.” She gestured towards a small alley across from the Cafe. “After you.”

Rainbow and Sunset lead them into a small nondescript apartment on the first floor of a small, nondescript building just off 2nd and Charles. Muffled radio chatter became clear as Dash opened the door.

“... authorities are still looking for the missing Princess. Queen Velvet asks that any…” With an annoyed squawk the radio went silent as Rainbow hip checked it on her way to the kitchen. A small tiled corner of the room, with a two-eye range, fridge, and microwave.

“You two want anything to drink?” Dash asked as she rummaged around in the fridge.

Twilight gave a polite “yes, please,” but Rarity declined with the shake of her head. She wasn’t quite desperate enough to taste whatever offbrand energy drink Rainbow had purchased this week.

“And bathroom’s right through there,” Rainbow Dash said and pointed at one of the two narrow doors in the back wall.

Sunset gestured the two of them towards their couch. A well used, but comfortably plush affair against one wall of the small living room. Rarity saw Twilight’s flash of confusion as she looked at the cramped (Rarity would say intimate, were she to be generous.) sofa with more than a little concern. Rarity guided Twilight to sit on the couch. Sunset opted to sit on one arm, while Rainbow came back with three metal cans and tossed one each to Twilight and Sunset. She gave Sunset a significant look, then grabbed a folding chair, turned it around, and sat backwards in it.

Clearing her throat, Sunset spoke. “Now that we’re not out where everyone can see us, I think you owe us a bit of an explanation.”

Rarity sighed. It was only fair, and her friends did deserve to know what they might be getting into. She only hoped her story didn’t make them too exuberant in their desire to “set the streets alight” as they’d once so colorfully put it. “Well, dears. Get comfortable, because it’s quite a tale.”

“So let me get this straight,” Rainbow said, grinning. “This Mr. Cheese dude is after ‘Sitwee’ for some reason,” the near audible quotes around the name made Rarity wince, “And that’s got the cops and royal guard and and and the entire freaking House Manehattan involved?”

“I don’t think they’re working together,” mumbled Twilight. Rarity noted that she seemed much more subdued than earlier in the evening. Perhaps it was the assassination, or whatever, attempt, or maybe it was just the way Dash’s personality tended to squeeze everyone else out.

“Don’t forget about the ‘magic accordion,’ ” Sunset said. “Really wish we’d grabbed that off the bozo. Magic toys like that sell for a lot.” She stared into her drink for a moment. “Though I don’t like the idea of giving a weapon like that to the kind of people who’d buy it from us.”

“Eh,” Dash shrugged off the thought and opened another can. “Pinkie’d like it.” She titled the can up and began to gulp its contents down.

“I hardly think giving it to Pinkie Pie would be safer than any of your more normal contacts.” At Twilight’s alarmed look, Rarity gave her a comforting pat on the arm. “Pinkie’s quite a dear, but she sometimes gets far too excited about and far too comfortable with magical explosions and music.”

“Well,” said Sunet. “We’re down to help you two out. Neither of us would leave a friend hanging. And Rarity’s girlfriend is our friend. But,” and Sunset glanced at Twilight, “I want to know who you actually are first.”

“Dude, Sunset. You are slowing down.” Dash hopped over her chair to sit on Sunset’s lap. “That whole ‘missing princess’ thing and now Rarity has a new girlfriend, and some bozos who can afford to chuck magic at exploding harmonicas? She’s gotta be–”

Sunset placed a hand over Dash’s mouth. “Yeah, but I want her to tell.”

Rarity opened her mouth, but a glare from Sunset had her closing it again. All eyes fixed on Twilight.

Twilight breathed in deeply, using the calming technique Dame Cadance had taught her. “My name is Twilight Sparkle, and–”

A pounding knock at their door cut her off.

6. No Solicitors, Please! (Nonchalant)

“We know you have the Princess in there, open up!”

The voice was slightly muffled by the door, but its gruff and demanding tone left little to the imagination.

There was a beat of silence from the girls inside as the probably-armed-and-badge-bearing solicitor banged on the door again.

Rainbow Dash coughed into one hand. “Well, that’s probably a cop or a guard. Don’t think House Manehatten knocks.”

“And here we are with their freshly missing member of the royal family,” Sunset said. “Doesn’t paint us in a great light.”

Everyone paused for a moment to stare at Twilight. There was more aggressive knocking. Rarity sighed and gestured helplessly at Sunset, who groaned and stepped closer to the door. Affecting a slightly airy and scared tone, she addressed the stranger. “Wha-who? The missing Princess? What’s that got to do with me? I’m just here with my roommate! Who’s knocking?”

The entire time, she was staring at the other three girls with a flat expression.

“This is the Royal Guard, we heard police reports of a disturbance across the street and witnesses mentioned someone who looked like the Princess being dragged away from the scene,” the alleged guardsman said.

In the ensuing lull, they could all faintly hear other doors along the hallway being similarly accosted.

“So… you’re accusing everyone here of hiding the Princess?” Sunset didn’t even have to fake the confusion in her voice.

“Better safe than sorry, miss,” came the reply.

“Doesn’t inspire much confidence, really,” Rainbow Dash chimed in. “Oh, I’m the roommate, by the way.”

“Our job is to protect the Royal Family, not to reassure the public,” the guard said. “Please open your door, in the name of the Crown, so I may ascertain that you have not kidnapped Her Highness.”

Rainbow and Sunset shared a look, then turned to Twilight. Rainbow helpfully raised her length of metal pipe in a silent question.

Twilight stared at the door. Then at the pipe. Then at Rainbow’s eager expression. She shook her head furiously.

Sunset thought for a second, leaning against the door frame. “Even if we had the Princess here, would it really be smart to have her outside right now? We heard the commotion at that cafe from in here! Is that handled?”

There was a faint scrape across the door. The guard was likely no longer posed to force it open. They hoped. “You’re right about that, miss, but we still need eyes on Her Highness. Can’t protect her if we don’t know where she is. Or if she’s hurt.”

Everyone inside the cramped apartment eyed each other as they considered the point. At this point they couldn’t refuse the guard entry and maintain the facade of concerned citizens, but Twilight continued to shake her head and–was she eyeing the windows?

Rarity grimaced and got up from the tiny couch. “It’s fine,” she whispered. “Twilight and I will hide just outside the window and you two let the man in.”

“Fine, we’ll let you in in just a minute,” Sunset shouted through the door. “Just, uhh, let me put on some proper clothes first?”

“Why would you not be wearing clothes?” The guard sounded genuinely confused.

Rainbow gently bonked her own head against her pipe. “Dude, it’s like, eleven at night. Why are you wearing armour?”

A faint rustle. “Armou–oh! Right! Yes, I’m definitely wearing armour because I’m a guard and I’m working right now,” the “guard” said, singlehandedly appending several quotation marks around his title in the minds of all four girls.

Rarity was startled from her mounting dread by a hiss from Twilight. She realised that the Princess was already halfway out the window and onto the ledge. “Let’s go, Rarity!”

She wasted no time scrambling after her new girlfriend, and looked back at Sunset, who had her hand on the door handle. “He might have one of those magic instrument weapons,” she cautioned. “If he isn’t who he says he is.”

Rainbow nodded and stepped back against a wall to put her hands behind her back. “Exploding harmonicas or not, no-one expects a metal rod to the head,” she assured.

Rarity shook her head and took Twilight’s hand to finish climbing out the window, pulling it shut after her. The two edged along thin strip of grass behind the bushes denoting the property line and relaxed as much as one can when trying to peek into a window that may or may not be under the scrutiny of a magically-armed thug and also having an annoying amount of twigs prodding at your back and legs.

“So, what do you think,” Rarity muttered dryly, “Working for the Manehattens, Mr. Cheese himself, or just an abnormally scatterbrained actual guard?”

Twilight appeared to consider this for a second as she watched Sunset open the apartment door and welcome in a man in a slightly ill-fitting breastplate and helmet. “I don’t see an accordion or trumpet or anything, so maybe it’s just the Manehattens,” she said. They remained silent as Sunset went about offering the man an energy drink and making the standard gestures of “feel free to look around.”

They continued to idly spectate as the unofficial-crime-fighting duo allowed the man to inspect the apartment thoroughly. A few minutes later, he stood by the door and bowed his head gratefully. One hand went up to what was presumably an earpiece, and he stepped out. Rainbow Dash closed the door behind him and wiped her brow with one hand. Sunset pressed one ear to the door for a second before rushing over and opening the window.

She stuck her head out and addressed the pair outside. “I think he bought that you were never here, but I heard the rest of the goons heading outside. I don’t think it’s safe for you here. Mr. Cheese didn’t come up in conversation, but I think I caught a flash of patchwork bowtie under that breastplate he was wearing.”

Twilight rubbed the bridge of her nose. “What now? There aren’t many places we can go, and three different groups looking for me know I’m in this area!”

“Yeah, but at least only one of them wants to kill you,” Rainbow chimed in. “Well, so far, at least.”

Twilight let out a high pitched whine.

“What, was it something I said?”

Rarity opened her mouth to lay into Rainbow Dash for being so insensitive, but a large, bassy, tooth-rattling hum interrupted her.

A voice rang out around the neighbourhood.

“Princess Sparkle, we know you’re nearby, and most likely in this building. Mr. Cheese just wants to… talk, and we’re prepared to make that happen any way we have to. If the police or the Guard get involved we’ll simply use the instruments at our disposal to deal with them.

“You have ten minutes to come to the entrance, where we’ll take you to the boss. Your lady friend can even come too. Hm?”

There was some whispering that washed over everyone, just far enough from the amplification spell that it wasn’t discernible.

“My associate says, however, that the crazy one with the pipe–his words, mind–is not welcome. Anyway, come with us, or we start giving the lovely locals a show they won’t be around to remember. Ten minutes.”

Twilight stood up. “Guess I don’t have much of a choice, do I?” she mumbled.

“Of course you do!” Rarity growled. “We’re not letting them take you to get… Cheesed? Without a fight!”

“As much as I don’t want innocents hurt, she’s right,” Sunset added. “You’re symbolically important, at the least. And you know something they want kept quiet. If they knew that you told us, we’d be on the chopping block as well.”

“Even so,” Twilight said, looking more like a princess than she had most of the evening, “I can’t let this go on. At least I’ll buy time for the Guard to mount a resistance.”

Rarity groaned and stood up. “Alright then. Rainbow, pipe me.”

The other girl handed her the metal rod with zero hesitation. “I got more, keep this one.”

She turned to face her Princess-and-girlfriend. “Let’s get this party started, shall we?”

7. Down With the Swissdom (trAce)

“Anyway, come with us, or we start giving the lovely locals a show they won’t be around to remember. Ten minutes.”

He flipped the switch that turned off the megaphone’s amplification spell and handed the device back to his partner. “There we go. That should get them outta there.”

“W-we ain’t actually gonna k-kill anyone, right?” The kid was damn near shaking straight out of their Oxfords.

“What? ‘Course not. We’re criminals, not killers. That was just to light a fire under the Princess. Don’t want to be here when the Guards show up, after all.”

What the first half of his statement did to alleviate his partner’s fear was undone by the second. “D-do ya think it’ll work?”

“It better, or we will have to make these tenants start howling—with laughter, Simmers, don’t be a fool.” His partner slowly lowered their hand. “Folks laughing sounds like crying when you’re far enough away. We just get Page to do one of his little standup routines and we’re golden. ‘Sides, Mr. Cheese would have our heads if we killed someone’s ma or pa.”

Thankfully they didn’t have to resort to such drastic measures. After only a minute, Mr. Cheese’s men watched the Princess and her new side piece walk out of the apartment building’s front door and approach them. The man and his partner broke from the rest of the gang.

“Whatcha planning on doing with that pipe, little lady?” He stopped short, eying the short metal pipe in the dainty girl’s hands.

“It’s a fashion statement.” She managed to sound completely natural, yet icy cold at the same time.

“That so? I should get myself one of them things, then. I’d be the talk of Downtown.” He pulled a cigarette from his back pocket and lit it. If they were going to be difficult, he was at least going to be comfortable. “Even so, I’d be obliged if you dropped it. Not trying to get my boys hurt, you get me? We’re all civil people here.”

“You threatened innocent people,” Princess Sparkle interjected. “That’s not civil.”

“’Course it was; that was business. Business is always civil.”

The Princess chewed on her cheek before puffing up and putting on a tough face. “My priority is the safety of my citizens. If this is just ‘business,’ then I must insist that you have your members that are still accosting people within their homes come out before we go anywhere. We are, after all, being civil.”

He took a long, tired drag of his cigarette. Why were kidnappees always like this? “Counteroffer, Princess: you stop stalling and the population of this neighborhood won’t start ticking down.”

The pair’s looks of horror were matched only by the iron grip his partner latched onto his arm with.

“I thought–”

“Shush, Simmers. Well? Your choice, Princess.”

“You are despicable.” The word dripped out of her mouth like poison.

He shrugged. “Business can get pretty messy, too. There’s a reason our cleaners work on call.”

“Ros, you said we weren’t gonna–”

“Not now, Simmers! Come on, get–” he pried his arm out of the kid’s claw and turned to point at the group of cars everyone was waiting by. “Go back and wait with the rest of the–”

The metallic ringing of Rarity’s pipe and the thump of the goon’s body hitting the pavement were the last sounds everyone heard before the parking lot erupted into chaos.

⁜⁜⁜⁜⁜

It all happened too fast for Princess Twilight.

One moment, she was desperately trying to come up with excuses to keep talking, and the next, Rarity was batting for the outfield. She heard shouting—a lot of shouting—all around her before a loud blast abruptly brought her back to her senses.

Just in time to get pulled off her feet.

“Sorry, Princess,” Sunset grunted as she dragged Twilight unceremoniously behind one of the nearby cars. “When shit goes down, you want to start moving. Speaking of moving, a car might not be the best place to hide. They love to explode, you know?”

“Y-yeah.” Twilight’s brain was in its last stage of playing catch-up, but she was able to force out a nod.

“Cool. Keep moving, stay safe, and leave this to us.” With a parting finger gun, Sunset slid over the car hood and into the fray.

Right. Right. Keep moving. That’s… doable.

Twilight got to her feet, crouching as she made her way down a line of vehicles. A cacophony of harmonica noises from the thugs heralded explosions that ripped through the lot. She just had to make it to the hedge on the side of the property. Barely 30 feet away. Easy.

She nervously popped her head up to assess the situation. Dash and Sunset were all-out brawling with Mr. Cheese’s men like they were– well, she supposed they are pros at this point. It looked like the lackeys couldn’t decide whether to take their chances up close or risk hitting themselves with their magic harmonicas. Rarity seemed to be managing well enough in the chaos too, adopting a more hit-and-hide tactic.

All clear for the moment. Twilight took off, sprinting through the open space and throwing herself into the sheltering shrubbery.

“Ow.” Turns out branches aren’t the comfiest landing. “Ow, frick.”

Just as she was beginning to relax, another form came crashing into the hedge, making Twilight nearly jump out of her skin. A tired-looking Dash flashed her a peace sign.

“What’s up, girl?”

“Dash? Are you okay?”

“Yeah, I just need a quick breather. Why, you good?”

“Well, I’m safe.” She did what she was told, but to be honest, it didn’t really sit well with Twilight. “I’m worried about Rarity, though. I… I know I shouldn’t, but I kind of want to help out–”

“Oh hell yeah, girl. Never too late to start fighting The Man.”

“… Dash, I am ‘The Man.’”

“Oh, sorry bro. My bad.”

“No, I mean I’m literally nobility. Princess.” She could see the gears grinding in Dash’s head.

“Well,” – Dash shrugged – “we all have our flaws. Need a pipe?”

“Um, sure.”

Dash stretched out, reaching over Twilight’s head and rummaging around in the brush before yanking a yet-unseen metal pipe down. “Here you go. Emergency pipe, I hid some all around the city,” she clarified upon seeing Twilight’s incredulous stare. “Picked it up from a friend.” With that she pushed herself up from the leafy hideout and disappeared from Twilight’s view.

“Oh shit, I think the Manehattans just got here too.” The spitfire said from outside the hedge. “And I’m hearing sirens in the distance. Damn, Princess, you really do have the whole city after you.”

Twilight just let out a sad groan.

How could this day get any worse?

8. A Scout, A General, and A Princess (femikol)

Tempting fate, Twilight realized, was never a smart idea.

“Do not tempt fate,” Words that should be engraved onto her tombstone as a reminder for her next life, as well as everyone else that would spare it a glance as they took themselves and their loved ones to the cemetary. She’d have to jot that down as soon as possible.

‘How could this day get any worse?’ She repeated that asinine thought in her head as she swung her metal pipe at goon after goon. ‘I just had to – ugh! Why did I ask?!’

“Hey, Princess!”

“What?!”

“Over here!”

Twilight silently cursed her companion as she fought her way to Rainbow’s side, striking down nine, twelve, fifteen of Cheese’s men – nonlethally – as she made her way from the lot to the next block over. How Rainbow got there so fast she had no idea.

“I’m here!” She clubbed her last pursuer, for now, and used the metal pipe for balance as she caught her breath. “What is it?”

Rainbow lifted a finger and pointed at something the next block over. “Those are yours, right?” Rainbow’s own pipe spun in its owner’s hand before landing on Rainbow’s shoulder. “‘Cause if not, uh…”

Twilight blearily followed Rainbow’s finger. ‘What’s she…? Oh, come on!’

One, two, three… fourteen. That wasn’t the number of goons she could see. It was the number of squadrons. Of goons? No. Of cars. Everywhere, down what blocks she could see. Cars all making their way toward her.

“Get back here, Princess!” A voice – the one of the goon she’d been talking too not minutes before, “Come quietly, and nobody’s gonna get hurt!”

“B-but sir, Mr. Cheese says we weren’t–”

“And we’re not! Shut up, Simmers!”

‘Yes, Twilight. Of course it can get worse!’

“Any day now, Pinks,”

“What was that?”

“Nothin,” Rainbow turned away from the landbound fleet and to the building occupying the block. A gargantuan thing, Twilight noted. Ten stories at least, made of concrete. Time hadn’t been particularly kind to it, with it amply discolored, and several of its windows were either broken or missing. “Come on, Pinks!”

As if on cue, a hook was fired from one of the windows, making a beeline for the both of them. Twilight had no time to react – which was probably a good thing – before it pierced the asphalt just behind her, leaving a web of cracks large enough that even a bus couldn’t cover it. Twilight shrieked and leapt back, throwing a hand over her chest to quell the stampede in her chest. A platform was sent down, attached to the wire which Rainbow lept onto and held out her hand.

Rainbow laughed. “About time! Come on!”

“But – Rarity!”

“Don’t worry! Your girlfriend’ll be fine! We’ve got Pinkie on the job!”

‘Pinkie?’

Putting Rarity in a stranger’s hands was… a hard sell. But Twilight wasn’t exactly in a position to help her herself, so begrudgingly she grabbed Rainbow’s hand and stepped onto the platform. The hook began to retract, a bit too fast for Twilight’s liking, and her grip on Rainbow’s hand tightened.

“Easy, Princess. We’ll be fine,”

Twilight looked down. Goodness, the city was in chaos. Everywhere; cars, and goons, and more cars, and more goons, and… and Rarity. She was still holding her own, thank the stars.

“Whatcha lookin’ at?” Rainbow peered down, following Twilight’s gaze, before she let out a whistle. “That’s your girl?”

“Yeah,”

“Man, she’s a looker. Even from here,” She gave Twilight a smile. “You really know how to pick’em, Princess,”

Twilight didn’t know whether to feel proud or defensive. Fortunately, the indecision was a nice distraction.

* * *

“Dashie!” Twilight’s blissful period of frivolous debating was interrupted when she and Rainbow stepped through a window, and a woman dressed in an offensive amount of pink wrapped both of them in a spine-crushing hug. “And Princess Twilight too! Oh my goodness, you found her!”

‘Wait, she was looking for me?’ Twilight opened her mouth to ask just that, but Rainbow beat her to speaking.

“Sure did!” Rainbow grabbed the binoculars around her neck and spun around to the window. “Getting through Cheese’s goons was easy enough, but Sunset’s still down there. Miss Princess’ girlfriend needs some saving,”

“Mhm! Mhm!” Pinkie said as her head bobbed up and down. Despite what sounded to Twilight like bad news, the large smile plastered on the woman’s face didn;t so much as budge. “Don’t worry, leave this to Pinkie! I’ll find Sunny! Oh, and Princess!”

In a flash, Pinkie was standing next to Twilight, an arm draped around her shoulders. “We’ll get your special somebody back! Don’t worry!” Twilight opened her mouth to let out a very regal, very well composed ‘huh’ but Pinkie was already gone; having grabbed an odd cannon-looking contraption and bolted out a nearby door. Twilight could only stare at the door, before her brain caught up with her.

“Wait, she’s really–”

“Yup. She’s off to save your girl. She’ll be back soon,” Rainbow’s attention had gone back to the outside. “Anyways, there’s far too many of those guys to take the fight to Cheese,” She clicked her tongue and set her binoculars back down.

“So, Princess, are you doing alright?”

Twilight drew in a breath. Was she doing alright? Well, no. It was hard to be ‘alright’ when multiple gangs all had it out for you, apparently. Her girlfriend was down there fighting swaths of goons by herself, and she was sitting up in a building she probably couldn’t leave anytime soon. The only consolation was…

“Well, I have the guard showing up here,” She looked out the window and toward the horizon. “Soon, I hope,”

“The guard?”

Twilight rolled her eyes at Rainbow’s incredulous expression. “Yes, the guard,” She waved her left ring finger at the other woman. “I said I was a princess,”

Rainbow stared at the signet for a moment before she shook her head. “Yeah, you did. Can’t argue with ya there,” She fiddled with her binoculars, and gestured out the window. “They’d certainly help with… this. How can we spot ‘em?”

“Look for the train. Lavender, armored. You can’t miss it,”

“Oh, like that one?”

‘What?’ Twilight’s heart skipped a beat. She spun around and pressed her hands onto the windowsill, leaning as far out as gravity allowed. Sure enough, in the distance, hidden in the orange glow of the sunset, she saw a faintly pink silhouette slowly but surely snaking its way toward her. ‘It’s… it’s the guard. There they are,’

“Sheesh, you really pulled out all the stops for this one, huh, Princess?” Rainbow’s voice snapped her back to reality. “Grab them, kick in Cheese, easy-peasy!”

Rainbow moved to the other side of the room, and to another window on the opposite end, and Twilight raised an eyebrow as she grabbed a rope and tied it to a defunct radiator.

“What are you doing?”

“Well, we gotta get you to those guards, right?” Rainbow took another part of the rope and tied it around her waist. “Come on. There’s nobody between us and that train station. I can get you there easy,”

9. Bring the Dawn (The Red Parade)

“Did you read the briefing report?”

“Yes ma’am, we got the intel only half an hour ago.”

Starlight Glimmer grunted, tightening the straps on her vest. “Then why do you have so many questions, Captain?”

“You’ll have to excuse me if we find the situation somewhat hard to believe.” The Sergeant gazed at her with steeled, battle-hardened eyes. As the train rushed down the track, trails of light flickered in through the window. Occasionally one would land on a soldier’s face, making them burn with a furious orange glow before rapidly fading away. “How’d ROD lose an asset like this anyways?”

“We didn’t lose it,” Starlight muttered. “We didn’t even know it was here until we got the message.”

From above them there was a brief burst of static. “Captain Sunrise, we’re two minutes to the LZ.”

Strawberry Sunrise stood from her seat and marched to the center of the train, drawing the attention of the other guards. “Four-Two! Listen up! You all heard the briefing from Agent Glimmer, our objectives are to eliminate the hostile presence in the area, secure our HVT’s, and locate and eliminate our VIP target. LZ is hotter than Las Pegasus on a summer day, brace yourselves for CQC combat.”

“What’s our ROE, ma’am?”

Strawberry glanced at Sunlight, who sighed. “Non-lethal takedowns only, ROE is strict here.” Her response was met with a chorus of disappointed groans.

“You heard her,” Strawberry said, hefting up her battered and scarred riot shield. “Less than lethals only, no returning fire unless fired upon.”

“We have assets on the field,” Starlight added. “Check your fire.”

“This just gets better and better,” muttered one of the guards.

“Thirty seconds to insertion.”

Strawberry reached up and snapped down the plexiglass visor attached to her helmet. “Alright four-two! Show me what you’re made of, hear?”

“Yup-yup!” shouted the carriage full of guards.

The brakes squealed and the train began to slow. Starlight stood, bracing herself against one of the handles, and tried to steady her racing heart. The entire carriage shook as the train lost speed, but even before it fully came to a halt a light began flashing and Strawberry called out. “Okay, green light! Go, go, go!”

In front of her, the massive doors slid open and the guards jumped off the train, the first few ones off taking defensive positions while the rest deboarded. The few henchmen on the platform responded immediately, charging right at the formation.

“Taser, taser, taser!”

An arc of electricity crackled through the air, as the lead henchman collapsed to the ground with a scream. As the others hesitated, Strawberry raised her baton in the air. “At ‘em!”

A line of guards changed towards them, the sounds of weapons smashing against shields ringing through the air. But the surprised thugs were no match for the onslaught of guards now pouring out of the train, quickly swarming the station.

“Ma’am! LZ secure, no sign of assets in the area.”

“Captain, we’ve taken prisoners, wagons on the way.”

Starlight scanned the area, squinting at the distant rooftops.

“Ma’am, Mountain is reporting hard contacts, no incoming fire yet but they’re hearing shots in the distance. Unconfirmed as of now.”

“There!” Starlight tore off down the street, eyes locked onto a distant building.

“Glimmer, wait! Dammit, Four Two, we’re Oscar Mike! Move, move, move!”

“Are you crazy?”

Rainbow sighed and shook her head. “Do you have a better idea, Princess?”

Twilight looked out the window, at the distant alley far below her. “This… This is suicide!”

“Look, suicide is staying here. We need to move, like, now, and unless you can magically sprout a pair of wings from your butt, you’re going to have to swing.” Rainbow pulled the line taunt. “Perfectly safe!”

Before Twilight could articulate one of thousands of reasons as to why this was a bad idea, someone began pounding on the door. “Who’s that?”

“Who do you think, more of Cheese’s men!” Rainbow tapped her foot impatiently. “That door’s not gonna hold forever!”

Twilight looked down at the streets still flooded by enemies. “O-Okay. You’ll be right behind me?”

“Yup.”

Twilight gripped the sides of the window frame tightly. “Just give me a second.”
“Three.”

Twilight squeezed her eyes shut and held her breath.

“Two.”

Rainbow shoved her and Twilight fell out the window screaming. With limbs flailing and wind screaming in her ears, Twilight panicked as she saw the ground rushing towards her. Before she could hit it, however, she found herself swinging towards the building opposite from her.

Great, she thought. So instead of hitting the ground, I’ll splat into the side of the building.

“RAINBOWWWW–”

Before she could even finish getting her quality scream in, she flew through an open window and straight into the arms of… someone. Her momentum caused the two to crash into the ground.

“Ow!” Twilight scrambled up to see someone clad in body armor sprawled out below her.

“Freeze! Don’t move!”

Twilight tensed up, ready for a fight as another armored person rushed at them, shield ready.

“Wait,” shouted the one on the ground. “It’s the Princess!”

The other guard halted. “Princess Twilight! We’re with the Guard, you have to come with us.”

Starlight crashed through the doorway, panting. “There!” She sighed in relief. “Looks like guards got here first.” Across the hall, the two guards were escorting Twilight down the opposite hall.

Before Starlight could join them, Strawberry seized her arm.

“What’re you–”

She froze at Strawberry’s expression.

“I don’t know who they are, but they aren’t with me,” she whispered as Starlight’s blood froze over.

10. The Rescued Princess (SigmasonicX)

Rarity bashed the ruffian with her pipe. Dazed, he pulled at the slide whistle between his lips, resulting in the expected sound as he fell to the ground.

She huffed. Of course all this had to happen on her one day off from working with the Resistance. She acted like a tourist—and really, she hadn’t had much opportunity to see the sights, so she might as well be—and met up with a cute local girl. Then that girl turned out to be the princess, and now she couldn’t keep track of all the factions after them. What even was her way out of all this?

She caught sight of Sitwee—no, Princess Twilight Sparkle—at a window with Rainbow Dash. Seeing her purple ponytail brought immediate comfort. She wasn’t sure what it would lead to, but surely staying with her was what her heart wanted.

Then she saw Rainbow push her out the window.

Rarity gasped, smacking another ruffian. He wielded a soundboard that promptly played a notable cinematic scream as he fell over a sidewalk railing. She rushed forward just as, to her relief, Twilight’s rope went taut and she fell reasonably safely into the ground floor window of the train station. Still, she would need to talk to Ms. Dash about this later.

Peeking through said window, Rarity saw her princess walking with several people in armor. They certainly weren’t with that wily band they were fighting, so they must be the royal guards. Part of her felt relief that Twilight found real safety, but another part of her realized this meant the princess would never be able to sneak out like this again.

Never be able to see her again.

Rarity bit her lips. Then after a second that she chose not to spend thinking, she leapt through the window.

Twilight walked sullenly. Her mother kept telling her that it was dangerous outside of the castle, and lo and behold, she was completely right.

Well, she said it was due to the commoners, and she was really just parroting Duchess Muffins when she said that. And Twilight had just met several commoners, hadn’t she? They were a bit rough to be sure, but they were nice, and they protected her from… Duchess Muffins’ underlings. She could smack herself. Why did they entertain anything Muffins had to say? Let alone her claims that all the violent activity among House Manehattan was being done by an outside figure named Director P.

Well, at least she could bring her mother direct proof that House Manehattan was dangerous, instead of just newspaper rumors.

She looked at the guards. She didn’t recognize them, but even with all her time spent in the barracks with her brother and his friends, she couldn’t know all of them. The hallway came to an intersection, and peering to her right, she saw two people she did know: Captain Sunrise and Agent Glimmer. They’d be the best people to talk to about this.

“Take me to Captain Sunrise,” the princess said in her most regal voice, pointing down the hall.

Looking back at the two figures, her blood suddenly went cold. Why did they look so scared?

Before she could process this, she felt cold metal clamp around her neck. Her hands shot up to feel it. She couldn’t see it, but she knew what it was: a magical seal.

Soon after, the guards pulled her hands down behind her back and handcuffed them. She struggled hard, but there was little she could do without magic. Twilight regretted dropping her pipe; even if it wouldn’t have helped against this many foes, being able to smack some of them would have felt less embarrassing. She should have actively resisted help from anyone she didn’t know.

She hoped Rainbow didn’t feel bad about sending her right into danger.

And she hoped Rarity…

Rarity…

Somehow the thought of not seeing her stung more than being taken prisoner. If only she could see her one more time…

There was a loud clang and the man standing behind the princess fell over.

Gasping, the princess spun around. There was Rarity, sweating and with scuffs all over her clothes, but still as beautiful as ever. She winked. “Miss me?”

One of the other two guards—or rather Manehattan grunts—grabbed at Rarity’s pipe. She tripped her, but still, she was forced to drop the weapon. Searching the ground, she pulled something unusual from the downed ruffian’s armor: a purple keytar! So they were still carrying magical instruments even in disguise.

The third ruffian rushed toward Rarity, but a quick swing of her instrument pushed him back—which wouldn’t have amounted to much if he himself hadn’t tripped over the tripped guard and fallen over.

Rarity looked over her supposed weapon. “Sit—Princess Twilight, how do I use this?”

Twilight caught herself staring and shook her head. “Well, you have to channel your innate magic into whatever you use to play it—your fingers in this case—but you have to keep in mind the principles of innate—”

Rarity blinked.

Watching the prone villains get up, Twilight shouted, “Just play a song!”

Nodding, Rarity frantically struck the keys, playing a short little ditty, and suddenly, a massive shockwave erupted from it, not only blasting away the ruffians but also tearing the paint off the walls and shattering windows.

The keytarist looked back and forth between her weapon and the results of her attack. “Is that what’s supposed to happen?”

Twilight’s eyes were wide. “Uh, well, I mean, I guess if you trained in magic for, like, over a decade like me, but that’s not normal for a first time.” Sensing an opportunity, Twilight fluttered her eyelashes. “Rarity, you are magical in every way.”

Rarity put her hand to her cheek and waved the keytar. “Aw, darling, you’re so sw—”

There was a gunshot.

Starlight and Strawberry dashed forward, leaving behind the bodies of other so-called guards. “Shit! Shit!” chanted the red-haired captain with every step.

“Civilian down!” Starlight shouted into her radio. “Unknown assailant! Asset is in sight! All units to building D!”

Right as they reached the hallway intersection—and the princess, who had kneeled down, crying over the body of the woman who saved her just a moment before—a transparent yellow wall appeared in front of them, stopping them in their tracks.

“No!” shouted Strawberry as she banged on the barrier.

“Now now, captain,” someone said from around the corner. “It isn’t appropriate to show such emotion on the battlefield.”

A woman stepped into view. She wore a black uniform with white ruffles. Her blonde hair was down and she had a monocle over her good eye. And she was immediately recognizable to anyone who knew anything about the politics of the city.

Starlight clenched her fist. “Duchess Muffins, you were behind all this!”

The duchess lazily spun her hand. “Yes, it was I. My machinations lay undetected for years, for I am a master of deception.”

The agent spread her arms, electricity crackling between her fingers. “Do you think this barrier will stop us?”

Strawberry grabbed her shoulder. “Agent, stop! It doesn’t matter how fast you take down the barrier, you can’t move fast enough after to save the princess. Not with the duchess right there and her agents all around us.” She narrowed her eyes and faced the blonde tyrant. “Or should I say, Director P?”

Muffins hummed. “Oh yes, I suppose there’s no reason to hide that now. In a matter of hours, I will have the means to conquer the kingdom in one fell swoop. You two are quite competent, and I’d be willing to carry over your employment, depending on how you choose to act. But I’ll consider that later.”

With a snap of her fingers, a man in a black poncho and hat appeared from the other corner and promptly snatched up the princess. Too tired from crying, she did nothing to resist.

Soon, the only person left behind the barrier was the civilian woman, still laying in her own blood.

Tapping Strawberry on the shoulder, Starlight said, “We need to double back, hopefully we’ll catch up with them.”

The captain nodded, taking one last look back before sprinting away.

Rarity’s mind drifted through the fog. Disparate sounds and images flooded through it, and she was unable to focus on any of it.

But then the song came. With it came thoughts of the day. Thoughts of… her.

Twilight… her love. She needed to see her again.

Twilight… was in danger!

Rarity shot up from the couch, panting.

“Woah, easy there!” someone said. That voice… it was Sunset!

Her vision cleared as she looked around. She was in Rainbow’s apartment, still wrecked from all the action it saw but empty of any ruffians. Instead, she saw the faces of Sunset, Rainbow, and Pinkie staring at her with clear relief in their eyes.

“Thank Celestia,” Pinkie squeaked. “You’re OK!”

She dived in for a hug, knocking Rarity back. “Oh! Good heavens, Ms. Pie, you do realize I’ve been shot, right?” The second time in that many minutes, Rarity shot up. “Wait, I’ve been shot!”

She felt around her midsection. There were bandages, but she felt no pain there at all.

Still with Pinkie clamped around her, Rarity looked to Sunset and asked, “But how?”

Sunset shrugged. “Well Rainbow saw the way you blasted those losers away with a keytar, so we figured, with so many of those magical instruments laying around, one of them had to have healing magic.”

Rainbow scoffed. “And it turned out to be this sweet red electric guitar, of all things! I gave that one to Sunset and picked up this baby with lightning magic,” she said, pulling out a blue electric guitar.

“I got the drums!” shouted Pinkie as she appeared behind them.

Rarity looked down to see that indeed Pinkie was no longer holding her. She repositioned herself on the couch and crossed her legs. “How long have I been out?”

Sunset nodded. “An hour, which really isn’t bad for a gunshot, all things considered. Still, in that time, the political situation went crazy fast. I honestly have no clue what we’re supposed to do other than wait it out.”

Rarity narrowed her eyes. “Where is Twilight?”

Sunset and Rainbow both looked at each other, twisting their faces, but showing no restraint, Pinkie said, “She’s been taken to the House of House Manehattan, Bubble Manor! The royal army is stationed outside of it, but they’re too scared to go in.”

Rarity got up and reached down for the keytar placed on the ground next to her. “Well then, sounds like we have something better to do than wait it out.”

Sunset tilted her head. “Rarity! I mean, sure, it looks like we can all use these instruments way better than those goons, but rushing into an enemy base without a plan, without practice—”

“Sounds awesome!” shouted Rainbow. “Sorry Shimmy, I know you were trying to convince her not to do it, but you just made it sound too cool not to do.”

Sunset sighed then threw up her hands. “You know, fuck it. I’m in.”

Rarity smiled and looked out the window. “Don’t worry your pretty little head, Sitwee. We’ll be together again in just a moment.”

“Ohhhh!” Pinkie exclaimed. “Sitwee is like SciTwi, but intentionally mispronounced! I get it!”

Rainbow blinked. “What?”

Author's Note

Yes that's right, this is ending on a cliffhanger! It's entirely possible the confusing adventure will continue on from here at a later time.