It's 'Cause You're Always on that Darn Phone

by RunicTreetops

Rating: everyone
Tags: Second Person, Pipp Petals, Comedy, My Little Pony: A New Generation, Slice of Life, Human, Romance, Anon
Length: 3449

Look, you love Pipp. You really do. You just wish that after being sent to another world where magic is real and fantastical creatures are a normal occurrence, you didn't have to worry about keeping up with influencers.

After washing up on a beach unknown to you, you found yourself in Maretime Bay, a place full of talking, magical ponies. It didn't take long for you to realize that you were in another world, but at least you had some new friends to give you a helping hoof.

Of these ponies, Princess Pipp Petals became particularly interested in you, and you quickly became an inseparable duo. Well, sort of.

You can't say you necessarily expected to end up in a different world, but if you did, you probably would have hoped that your cute alien girlfriend wouldn't be a social media influencer.

Published 2023-07-11 08:20:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-07-11 08:20:00 UTC

It's 'Cause You're Always on that Darn Phone

"Ahh, that's so cute, Nonny! This is going right to Clip Trot!"

"Er, I'm not sure if-"

"Aaaaaand posted! Ooo, you're always so popular!"

"...Hehe, yeah..."

You trail off unenthusiastically as Pipp continues to fiddle with her cell phone. You love that mare, but you don't always see eye to eye with her when her "hobbies" are involved.

Princess Pipp Petals of Zephyr Heights is many things. Cute? Yes. Good at singing? Also yes. Too obsessed with social media for her own good? Yup. Extremely small? Absolutely, just don't let her hear you say that. Kind? Enough to dote on you after you woke up one morning having washed ashore on an alien beach. Your marefriend?

That's a big yes as well.

About a year and a half ago, your life was going on as usual. You worked a dead-end job, you had bills to pay, and you were mostly just getting by. However, after falling asleep one night, you had a nightmare that you were drowning in the endless abyss known as the ocean. Just as you began to feel water filling your lungs, you forced yourself to awaken, only to find yourself on an actual beach vomiting up seawater. This, understandably, made you panic a bit. You didn't even live anywhere near the ocean! And to make matters worse, there were two alien-like creatures standing above you. You would later come to befriend the two creatures, which turned out to be a couple of pegasus mares named Pipp Petals and Zipp Storm, the princesses of a place called Zephyr Heights.

Of course, you would only learn that after you stopped hyperventilating.

To your surprise, the short, pudgy pink one quickly rushed to your side, while the taller, thinner white one stayed back while looking apprehensive.

"Pipp, stay away from that thing! We don't even know what it is!"

"Ugh, come on Zipp, look at it! It's totally freaked out!" Pipp turned to look at you with a smile. She's very short compared to you, but when your butt is stuck in the sand and you're in the middle of freaking out it's a bit harder to tell, even after she approaches you. "Easy there, easy. We're not going to hurt you."

"Unless you try to hurt us."

"Not helping, Zipp."

Zipp sighed and walked up alongside her sister. Pipp sat in the sand next to you and did her best to soothe you. Zipp remained standing.

"At the very least, he has clothes on, so we can assume he's not a wild animal."

"How are you feeling? We were walking by the beach and we thought a body washed up on shore! You gave us a real fright when you suddenly woke up and staring puking water everywhere."

You looked into her bright green eyes and she gave you a gentle smile. Understanding that, at the very least, they don't look like they're going to eat you or something, you took a moment to focus on your breathing. After calming down a bit more, you finally spoke up.

"Where am I?"

The next thing you knew, you were being given the lowdown on a world completely alien to you while being whisked to a nearby... "Brighthouse." Whatever that is. They wrapped you in some towels, gave you a warm drink, and introduced you to their friends Sunny Starscout, Izzy Moonbow, Misty Brightdawn, and Hitch Trailblazer.

Thus, you became acquainted with Maretime Bay, a place that would become your new home for the foreseeable future. With no knowledge of how you ended up here in the first place, it has been a bit difficult figuring out a way to get you back home. Thankfully, these ponies are surprisingly accepting of their new fur-less friend. At least, the first six ponies you met are. Pretty much every other pony is either scared of you or mesmerized by how "strange" you are. They sort of make you feel like a caged animal at a zoo, but you can't just avoid going out in public for the rest of your life.

After a couple of weeks, you decided to just start rolling with the punches, so to speak. If this was going to be your new home, you could at least try to enjoy it. It's not like you were leaving a lot behind back at home, anyway. Plus, getting sent to an alien world full of magic and color is like something out of a dream.

Er, without the near-drowning, at least. That part of the dream SUCKED.

You ended up getting a job working as a laborer. In a world where most of the populous can fly, levitate stuff, or make plants grow spontaneously out of the ground, is was difficult for a human like you to find employment for a while there. It isn't the classiest job in the world, but it isn't too difficult and it pays WAY better than your old job did, so you can't complain. Heck, prices are a whole lot lower here too, so much so that after crashing with Hitch for about two months, you could already afford a decent house. Not too shabby!

And every step of the way, your new friends were there to give you a helping hoof. However, more than any of them, it was Pipp that ended up spending the most time with you. The pretty pink pegasus pony princess was extremely interested in you, almost as much as Sunny. But while Sunny wanted to know what you were and what type of place you came from, Pipp wanted to know how to help you acclimate to this world. Not that Sunny didn't want that for you as well, but she also didn't start a social media campaign to inform the populous of what you are and... well, humanize you, for lack of a better term.

In hindsight, you probably should have taken that as a sign for your current predicament.

Right now, you are seated in one of the comfy chairs at Mane Melody, the salon... musical venue... thing that Pipp runs. She just gave your relatively short hair a complete makeover and is currently obsessing over it, taking a frankly ludicrous number of pictures of it in the process. You would be surprised if it wasn't for the fact that this is a weekly occurrence between the two of you.

You see, after spending so much time with Pipp, she started to grow on you. A lot. Yeah, she's a pony, and technically an alien at that, but who hasn't fantasized about being in a relationship with an alien? So, feeling emboldened by how well you'd been doing in this world (and knowing you have pretty much nothing to lose), you decided to shoot your shot.

Long story short, you're dating a princess now.

It's wonderful. She's wonderful. She's every bit as kind, upbeat, and generally fun to be around as you expected. According to her, she appreciates your ability to remain grounded and calm, even when everyone else isn't. She also really hammers in how "strong" and "handsome" she thinks you are. It IS true that you've gained quite a bit of muscle since getting that new job, but you're still far from impressive by human standards. Maybe you should consider yourself lucky that you're the only example of a human she has to go off of.

"And one more for the Pippsqueaks!" She strikes a pose next to you and you just barely manage to look at the camera in time for her to snap the selfie. "Ah, perfect! Thank you Nonny!"

She gives you a smooch on the cheek.

"Of course, Pipp. Now, uh, I think you have a few more customers waiting."

You nod towards the door, where a short line is forming.

"Oh! Goodness! W-well, you're good to go!"

"Alrighty then. I'll get out of your way."

Just before reaching the door she turns around to look at you, apparently having just remembered something.

"We still on for tonight?"

"I'll pick you up at six."

"Eee, I'm so excited! See you then, Nonny!"

With that, she opens the door and begins assisting the newly arrived customers while you slip outside and take a deep breath. You glance up at the sky, noting that the sun will be setting soon. You're going to be taking Pipp out to dinner tonight, and you had better go get ready before your meeting time.

You arrive at the Crystal Brighthouse in the nicest outfit you own. It isn't a suit, but it is a lot fancier than anything else you own. There aren't exactly a lot of opportunities (or reasons) to get formal wear when you're a human who needs to get all of his clothes custom made. You give the doors a gentle knock, and a few moments later Pipp opens them up and steps outside.

She looks gorgeous. She's wearing a purple dress with a gold trim that compliments her mane and iconic tiara extremely well. While you're not quite as good at noticing it as you're sure other ponies are, you're fairly certain she has touched up her makeup, too.

"You look incredible, Pipp."

Before she responds, you recoil at a sudden flash of light. When your eyes readjust, you realize that she snapped a picture of you pretty much right after she walked out the door. She begins tapping at her phone as she responds to you.

"You look great~! I've never seen you wear that before!"

"Y-yeah, it's-" You're cut off by Pipp suddenly flying to your side, wrapping a hoof around your shoulder, and taking another selfie with you in it. "...New."

Finally, she tucks her cell phone away.

"Well, I love it. Now, uh, where are we going? I know you said dinner, but you didn't say where."

"Haha, just follow me."

"Oh, are you really gonna leave me in suspense? For shame, Nonny!"

"Come on, it'll be worth it, I promise!"

"Pfft. Fiiiiiine." Even though she's flying alongside you, you offer her your hand. She snickers at the gesture. "You know it's really unorthodox to do that unless both parties are walking, right?"

Despite her words, she places her soft, well-hooficured hoof into your hand.

"Well, I can't exactly offer you my hand when you're walking next to me, now can I, Ms. Shortstack?"

"I don't know what that word means, but I heard 'short' and I'm taking offense to it."

"E-er, well-"

"Pfft, haha! I'm kidding. Let's go!"

She practically yanks you down the path that leads into Maretime Bay. She may not know where your destination is, but you suppose there is only one path leading away from the Brighthouse.

Oh well.

Finally, you arrive at the restaurant you had picked out, "The Baratie." There aren't exactly a whole lot of restaurants in Maretime Bay, but from what you know, this one is the fanciest and also has the best food. Rumor has it the chef is a real piece of work, though.

"Well, what do you think?" You turn to look at Pipp, only to see that she's taking a picture of the sign out front. Oh! Now she's posting it to her social media. Who could have guessed? "Uhh, Pipp?"

"Just a sec!" She flies up to you again and takes yet another picture. At least you saw this one coming and were able to smile before the flash went off. "Oh, we just look so CUTE!"

"A-are you ready to go in now?"

"Yup! Lead the way, big man!"

You hold the door open for her and enter the extremely clean building. You're greeted by a blonde, well-groomed stallion with weird, curly eyebrows.

"Reservation for Anon."

"Right this way."

You are escorted to a table near a corner of the building. It isn't all that crowded, but you appreciate the quieter space regardless.

"You made reservations and everything? You really did plan this out!"

"Of course I did. I mean, after all..."

You stop yourself from talking when you realize that she's taking a picture of her menu.

"G-go on!"

"...Nah, it didn't matter anyway."

After a couple more seconds, she places the phone face-down on the table next to her.

"Sorry about that!"

"Do the Pippsqueaks even like this sort of thing?"

"Oh, they're super into our relationship. They can't get enough 'Pipp x Anon!'"

"...Why?"

"It's not like we get a lot of celebrity drama in Equestria. There aren't enough celebrities to go around."

"Are you saying our date qualifies as drama?"

That statement seemed to have caught Pipp off guard, as she looks really guilty all of a sudden.

"N-no! Wh-what I meant to say was that they like to see what celebrities are up to! And, uh, you know me! Good old Princess Pipp, always the celebrity! Hehe..."

If she starts nervously sweating any more profusely it's going to mess up her makeup.

"All right, all right, I won't press you. Now, let's see what's on the menu. I heard that they've got-"

"Oh, I should ask the Pippsqueaks what they think I should get!"

You look at Pipp with annoyance. She doesn't notice on account of her nose being buried in that screen again. You sigh once more and peruse the menu in silence until your waiter returns to take your orders. You both return your menus and the waiter walks away, but right as you're about to start talking to Pipp again, she takes yet another photo of you.

"P-Pipp, can you please stop-"

"Hold that thought Anon, I've got the perfect caption for this!"

"Pipp, I-"

"Aaaaaaaaaand done." She looks up from her phone, having been oblivious to the look you've been giving her until now. "What?"

"Pipp, we need to talk about that darn phone of yours."

"Ugh, you sound like my mom."

"That's-"

"NOT! Haha, just kidding! My mom loves my posts!"

"Well I don't!"

You raised your voice a bit more than you were expecting, garnering the attention of everyone else in the restaurant. You look around and they all sheepishly go back to their own meals.

"Anon?"

"Look, I don't want to tell you how to live your life. You like being an influencer, and I'm happy that it brings you so much joy. But... ugh."

You cut yourself off as the waiter brings both of your meals to the table. Unable to find the right words, you start digging in. Pipp, suddenly looking very guilty and concerned about you, decides to say nothing, and you eat the rest of your meals in silence.

The two of you exit the restaurant. The evening has been really uncomfortable, and you blame yourself for it. You shouldn't have snapped at her like that, but now it feels too awkward to say anything at all. However, you have noticed that Pipp hasn't looked at her phone since you last spoke. As you slowly and silently begin to walk back to the Brighthouse, you feel a raindrop hit your nose, followed by another. The next thing you know, it's downright pouring, and you're both forced to take shelter under a nearby awning.

The two of you stand there, awkwardly huddled up next to each other. You're soaked, you're cold, and neither of you know what to say. You glance at Pipp, noticing that her makeup is completely ruined. Finally, you sigh.

"Pipp, I..."

"You don't have to say anything, Nonny." She doesn't look at you while she speaks. "I get it."

"..."

"..."

You close your eyes for just a moment and take a deep breath. Without another word, you reach into your back pocket and pull out a small ring. The band is golden, and it beautifully shows off a perfectly cut green gemstone. Said gemstone matches the shade of Pipp's eyes, and the ring as a whole pairs well with the tiara that she rarely removes. You hold out your hand, presenting the ring to your upset, sopping-wet marefriend.

That, at least, gets her attention. She turns to look at the ring, then up at you, surprise and confusion on her face.

"What's this?"

"I... er..." You take another deep breath. "This is really silly in hindsight. Th-this is a ring. I know you can't exactly wear rings, but it's a human custom and I'd feel weird not giving you one."

"Wh-what is the custom?"

"It's just a popular gift to give your partner on your first anniversary."

Pipp gasps and looks at you with wide eyes. She catches herself stuttering for a moment, apparently in shock. So shocked, in fact, that you're still holding out the unclaimed ring.

"I... I didn't... oh Nonny, I'm so sorry! I totally forgot!"

You can't help but chuckle. Doing so makes you shift your position a little bit, resulting in your back getting pelted with more rain.

"I don't mind, Pipp. Really. But, uh, are you gonna accept the ring, or should I put my hand back in my pocket?"

"S-sorry!" She takes the ring from you and admires it closely. Her shock quickly melts away and is replaced by a warm, contented smile. "This is beautiful, Anon. I... I don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything. I, er, haven't really been a model boyfriend tonight."

"Oh, hush! You've been wonderful! I should have been paying more attention to my surroundings! Maybe then I would have at least remembered that it's our first anniversary."

"...Maybe now is a bad time to ask, but were you really making all of those posts for the sake of 'celebrity drama?'"

Pipp sighs.

"Nothing gets by you, huh? No, I wasn't. To tell you the truth, I've been compiling all of those photos for a reason."

"You mean other than your social media?"

"Right. I was hoping to make a big compilation of the time we've spent together. I..." She sighs once again. "I know that one day, we're probably going to find out how you got here. And when that happens, you're going to go home. I just... want to have as much to remember you by as possible for when that day comes."

Oh, Pipp. You find yourself at a loss for words. You simply look down at the mare, who looks like she's on the verge of tears. Without saying anything, you bend down and bring her face towards your own before planting your lips on hers. She inhales in surprise, but quickly returns the gesture. After a few seconds, you pull away again, but you still stay very close to her.

"Pipp, no matter what happens or whatever we may learn, I'm not going anywhere. I promise."

"W-what?"

You pull her into a cold, wet hug.

"Why would I go anywhere else when you're here?"

You hear Pipp sniffle a little bit before returning the hug.

"That was, like, the corniest thing I've ever heard, but it was also, like, the most romantic thing anyone has ever said to me!"

"What can I say? I'm a bit of a Casanova."

You share a laugh, just in time for the rain to start letting up. After a few moments, the two of you step out from under the awning.

"I'm sorry I was so distracted tonight, Nonny. I'll try to rope myself in a bit more in the future."

"And I'm sorry for snapping at you. I should have just had a reasonable conversation with you about it to begin with."

"Hehe. So, we're good?"

You bend down and give her a smooch on the forehead.

"Yeah, we're good. Shall I walk you back to the Brighthouse?"

"I'd like that. I really want to show off this ring to the girls!"

You laugh once more as you take her hoof in your hand yet again.

Later that night, Pipp would make one more post alongside a picture of the ring you gave her.

"Happy one-year anniversary, Nonny. Nothing would make me happier than getting to have many more with you."

"I wonder if I can fit my tail through this. Wear it next to my flank or something, ya know?"

Zipp rolls over in her bed to look at her sister, her bloodshot eyes visible in the light of the lamp that Pipp is using to admire her new ring.

"Pipp?"

"Yes, Zipp?"

"Can we go to bed now?"

"...Maybe just one more pic."

"Uuuuuugh!"

Author's Note

You know at first I didn't like Pipp all that much, but over time she has easily become my favorite G5 pony.

As always, I appreciate any and all feedback!