A Thousand Ways For A Pony To Die

by KillerSteel

Rating: everyone
Tags: Random, Adventure
Length: 1407

Mac tries to save the farm by striking a very strange deal.

Sweet Apple Acres, a quaint farm on the edge of the countryside, producing a food source that keeps the local town Ponyville alive and thriving. Income is good, work is hard, and life is pleasent. What could possibly go wrong with a nice little farm like this?

How about all the money mysteriously disappearing with the appearance of a San Palomino Desert Nomad? A strange people, them; unicorns who didn't follow their ancestors in settling down in the mountains, instead choosing to move from place to place in the deserts of Equestria. But why would one appear here?

Why would all the money disappear? And why would the nomad offer such a strange deal in return for helping the farm get back on its hooves?

And why would Big Mac of all ponies accept?

Published 1970-01-01 00:00:00 UTC
Last updated 2012-10-12 04:22:18 UTC

Prologue: Freeway To Tartarus

BAM!

“Eeeyup, ‘nother tree done.”

You know, Big Macintosh was a strange pony. He’s big, red, muscular with a chiseled jaw and an accent. You’d think the mares would be all over him, right? That he’d be the one lady magnet in the little town of Ponyville?

And you know, you’d be right to say he would be. If only he said more than just ‘eeyup’ every day. It’s not his fault though, ponies keep asking him yes or no questions, and he just answers in the quickest way possible. Fact is, he doesn’t really like talking to ponies, finds it gets in the way of his work sometimes. Ever since coming of age on that ol’ farm, he’s been working every day.

Takes a stallion of real pride and dignity to hold a job up like that! It also takes a stallion of severe stupidity to not listen to his sister...

“Mac, listen t’ me!”

“Oh, sorry.”

“Listen, farm’s runnin’ short on funds this year. Th’ harvest came up bad this time aroun’...still dunno how it happened,” Applejack rubs the back of her neckl. her brow furrowed in concentration.

Yeah, that’s true. Sweet Apple Acres may supply Ponyville with food; it’s the biggest chunk of import and export in the town, but it’s just not breaking even this year. Complaints circulated through the town about bad apples, and everypony pointed their hooves at AJ and her family for not taking care of the farm. Sales plummeted, and now they were saving every bit they could make. Poor Applebloom was suffering; work with no allowance would make any filly shout for the system to come down.

“Ah know.”

“Well, y’all have any ideas to fix it?”

“Y’all’re the thinker in this family, AJ.”

“Ah know, but Ah need some help. I’ve gone t’ Twi’ about it, and all she’s suggested is openin’ business t’ other ‘venues’. Apples’re what we’ve farmed fer generations!”

“Hmm,” Mac tapped his chin, sitting down. Was there a way to make more money? It’s true that the Apple family has focused entirely on its orchard for so long... it’d probably cost more to go to other forms of business. Could they get more apples out of this harvest? Maybe ask Pi- ohhh no no no, not her. Talking to AJ and Applebloom were one thing; they were family, Mac was happy to talk to them, but bringing that mare to the farm? It was insane!

AJ sighed, tapping the dirt with her hoof. Both of them wracked their brains for a solution, nary exchanging a word, until they both decided that the farm wasn’t gonna be able to expand further without spending every last bit they had. It was true, too; property was mighty expensive, even in Ponyville. Not to mention all the legal red tape, and Granny Smith was getting too old to handle all the numbers; she helped out from time to time with AJ’s number crunching, and despite her age, she was crazy good with math. Mac couldn’t keep count of all the times she’s saved AJ from those fancy court cases...what were they called? ‘Lawsuits’?

“Ah got nothin’, sis. We been doin’ this too long t’ consider switchin’.”

“It’s not a switch, it’s expansion. Then again, Ah figure it’d drain th’ res’ of our savings just to get off th’ ground.”

“What would we expand into, anyway?”

“We could take up cherry farmin’,” Applejack tapped her chin in thought. Miss Jubilee was doing a good job with her work over in Dodge...but would cherries really be wanted here in Ponyville? And could bushes really be bucked? She’s never tried, but the things would probably uproot at the first sign of stress. “Probably not...”

“Well, what does Ponyville want? The Cakes seem t’ be makin’ a lot with their pastries.”

“A partnership? Not bad, not bad,” AJ slowly nodded, a smirk growing on her face. A partnership with the most successful bakery in town would be very good... it may even pull Sweet Apple Acres out of the coffin of debt!

A shrill scream from the house catches the attention of the siblings, and they turn to see Applebloom sprinting towards them like the King of Tartarus was after her. She slammed her hooves into the ground to stop, only to flip head over hoof and roll towards the two, crashing into Mac’s chest.

“Y’alright, lil’ sis?”

“Yeah, Ah’m fine, but that’s not the problem!” Her flailing hooves didn’t help much for the emphasis already present in her voice, though Mac did have to back off so his little sister didn’t accidentally buck him in the chest; even Apple Bloom had a pretty strong kick for a filly her age!

“What’s up, Applebloom? Did y’all get caught up in another one a’ Scootaloo’s crazy plans again?” AJ rolled her eyes; Applebloom was always getting caught up in one insane plot after another. This was probably just another scheme for getting their Cutie Marks before their time.

“All the money’s gone!”

… Ohhhhh, that’s way worse!

“Say what?!” Applejack sprints off before Applebloom could even register a question was asked, leaving Big Mac and her little sister in the dust.

“Y’all’re jokin’, right?” Big Mac blinked, eyes fixed on the house. They had quite a few bits stowed away in the house, all kept in AJ’s room too! How’d they all just up and vanish!?

“Ah wouldn't joke about this! Ah haven’ been in AJ’s room all day until two minutes ago, an' her special jar was jus' gone!!” Applebloom flipped back onto her hooves, now deciding that spinning in panic like Winona chasing her tail was a better way to calm herself down. Mac on the other hand just keeps watching the house, wanting, praying that he’d just see a furious Applejack walking out, lecture at the ready for her little sister about lying.

But it never came. Applejack did indeed walk out, but she just... stumbled, like the world was about to slip out from under her. She and Mac locked eyes, and all he saw was her shaking her head and looking to the ground.

And under the shade of the orchard, cloaked in green, another observed the scene playing out in idle thought. The sadness of the family, though cruel, was necessary, and this was the best way to incite a ‘deal’ with them. Question was, who would take up the bargain after the price was told, and just how would they cope with it? One thing was certain, however.

Everything was going according to plan. All that was left was the approach, and the business proposal.

He was stunned. Paralyzed. Couldn’t do a thing. His mind couldn’t even comprehend what would happen should he meet the thief, or how to fix things, or even how to make his sister stop shivering on the porch. Everything just retreated back into his head, hoping for his logic and emotions to meet up and negotiate a plan, but... nothing happened.

He just blankly stared at the porch, just as AJ sat and stared at it. Apple Bloom was still running around and screaming like a mad mare, and Mac’s best guess as to where Granny Smith would be was in the house in her chair, thinking. What plan could help fix this? The money was there that morning, so nopony stole it at night, and it was there when AJ went out to deal with the farm with her brother... did anypony sneak in while they were working?

Apple Bloom and Granny would’ve seen them though, nopony’s that sneaky... did they teleport in? Sound would’ve carried pretty far, and not many unicorns can do that, at least, Big Mac hoped not many could do that...

Everypony was so caught up in their own personal circles of Tartarus, that when the pony cloaked in green stepped out, it was like stepping into a ghost town. Nopony noticed them as they walked across the field from the orchard and up to the house, eyes locked on AJ.

Now then, from a quick look, the red stallion and orange mare seem to be separated by a few years. Would that make the mare the middle sister, given the yellow filly currently chasing her tail? Possible. So, what would be behavioral of a middle child? The pony pondered during their approach, unaware of the eyes now tracing them.