Losing Ponies Sucks

by TheKing2001

Rating: teen
Tags: Sad, Octavia, Comedy, Starlight Glimmer, Profanity, Twilight Sparkle, Lyra, Slice of Life, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Berry Punch, Alternate Universe
Length: 6457

Starlight tries to cope with losing Trixie.

After Trixie dies, Starlight resorts to alcohol and shuts her self in Trixie’s wagon. When Twilight and the others have to go on a trip to save Equestria once again, Starlight wanders around the town drunk till a few ponies take her home and help her.

(Alternate ending in this universe https://www.fimfiction.net/group/217012/sunsets-and-the-others-lives. Here's the group if you wanna join.)

Published 2023-07-13 08:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-07-27 04:04:32 UTC

Chapter I

I sighed sadly as Starlight stared absent-mindedly ahead of her. She seemed to be staring through Trixie’s coffin all the way outside through the walls. Surprisingly, Trixie had wanted a simple coffin. At one point in my life, I’d have expected she would have wanted something grand and well, Trixie like. Something loud and out there.

“Ah ain’t ever see Starlight like this before Twi,” Applejack whispered in my ear.

“I know. These things take time. You know that better than any of us,” I replied as I cautiously watched the milling townponies in the funeral home. Surprisingly the whole town showed up. I will admit, as much as me and Trixie didn’t get along, I still felt it was slightly inappropriate for the ponies who ran her out of town to be here.

Don’t get me wrong, I love Bon Bon but she did laugh at Trixie and didn’t really help her. Don’t even get me started on Raindrops, Shoeshine, Golden Harvest and Berry Punch. They’re good mares who made a stupid decision but they just shouldn’t be here. Raindrops was talking quietly to Cloudkicker in a corner, occasionally flicking nervous glances to Starlight and us.

“They shouldn’t be here,” Starlight mumbled as she wiped a tear away. “They hated Trixie.”

Me and the others made nervous eye contact. I have a feeling some one was gonna go off and based on how volatile Starlight was right now, I bet it’s gonna be her.

“They’re here to support you is all,” Fluttershy said quietly. “That’s all, Starlight. Nothing more.” Starlight stared at her and I looked away. I absolutely hated the dead look in her eyes.

“They never supported Trixie so why I should want the ones who ran her out here?” Starlight asked as she stared at Trixie. “She was my wife correct?”

“Yes darling,” Rarity said gently. “But let’s not start anything.” Starlight shakily climbed to her hooves and shook her head.

“Then I should be allowed to kick them out. Nopony who was rude or disrespectful to her deserves to be here,” Starlight stated firmly. I shared a worried look with Rainbow as Octavia and Lyra continued playing their respective cello and lyre.

Starlights gaze fell over the townponies and none met her look. The flower sisters either looked up at the ceiling or in Lily’s case, she found the ground more interesting. Starlights gaze fell on the group I mentioned earlier and her eyes narrowed as she started to slowly walk up them.

“We should probably do something,” Rainbow said nervously. Or well, as nervous as she would allow herself to sound. “This could get pretty ugly.”

“Ah agree,” Applejack admitted and I nodded as we followed her. Starlight pressed a hoof to Raindrops chest.

“Get out,” she said simply.

“I’m sorry?” Raindrops asked in confusion. Starlight pushed against her chest again angrily with more force.

“I said get out. You shouldn’t be here. You, Bon Bon, Golden Harvest, Shoeshine and Berry Punch need to leave. I don’t want you here. You all were rude to Trixie. Hell, Golden Harvest vandalized her wagon,” Starlight grumbled. “I want you mares gone before I have Rainbow and Applejack escort you out.”

“Would you seriously kick us out Rainbow?” Raindrops asked. Rainbow sighed and looked away.

“It’s Starlights decision. Trixie was her wife and Starlight is my friend. If she wants you gone and asked me to, then yes I would,” Rainbow admitted as she rubbed her head with a hoof.

“Applejack?” Bon Bon looked to her for support and Applejack stared her in the eyes.

“Ah’m sorry cousin. Ah know y’all are here to show y’alls support and all but if Starlight feels uncomfortable well that’s her right. Ah think she asked ya to go.” I stepped closer to Starlight.

“Let’s not make too much of a scene please Starlight,” I whispered in her ear. “This isn’t the place.” I nodded around us subtly where some of the townsponies were watching quietly and nervously. Derpy was lifting Dinky up to see Trixie. Apparently the filly wanted to be a magician after seeing one of her shows. Trixie was pretty good with her. Good enough for her and Derpy to become friends.

“Okay I know,” Starlight whispered back. “I’m trying.” I levitated some tissues over to us and wiped her face.

“Let me get Ruby and we will go,” Berry Punch promised as Starlight nodded at her. Berry trotted off presumably to get her daughter and returned a few seconds later with a small filly on her back. “I’m sorry for your loss by the way. If you wanna talk, you know where to find me. I know what it’s like to lose a partner.”

Starlight numbly nodded as the group turned to leave before Ruby jumped off Berry’s back and trotted up to Starlight, staring up at her.

“I’m sorry,” Ruby hugged a foreleg and Starlight stared at her before hugging her back.

“Thanks,” Starlight mumbled as the filly nodded and galloped off.

“I’ll uh see you at home,” Bon Bon said to Lyra. Lyra nodded at her as she continued playing in her weird sitting posture. I always thought it was uncomfortable and painful to me. The earth pony trotted off after looking back at us and sighed. Starlight trotted up to the casket and slumped off, talking quietly to Derpy and Dinky.

“Well that happened,” Cloud Kicker said casually and scuffed her hoof on the carpet with a nervous expression. “I’ll uh go find somepony else to talk to. I think I saw White Lightning and Sassaflash around.” The pegasus trotted off.

“This isn’t fun,” Pinkie muttered. “Aren’t these supposed to be like a celebration of life? I don’t see much celebrating going on.”

“Well Trixie only ever really opened up to Starlight,” I admitted and looked around. “Not many ponies really knew much about her other than her stage persona.”

“She looks surprisingly peaceful,” Pinkie said as she stared. “I’ve never been to a funeral before. That I’m aware of at least. Going out in your sleep like she did must be the best way to go.” I gave a nod at that. I have to admit, dying in your sleep had an appeal to it.

“I think Starlight gave a beautiful speech,” Rarity announced. “Very well put together. I assume you wrote it, Twilight?”

“Uh I helped a bit,” I said sheepishly. “She mainly told me what she wanted as she drank a beer and I just wrote it down.”

They all nodded and smiled a bit forcefully as we watched Starlight sitting down. I had a feeling this was going to be the new norm for a few years now. At least a good while.

Chapter II

“Any sign of Starlight tonight?” Rainbow asked curiously as we sat in the Cutie Map room. I shook my head slowly and sighed. It’s been three years since Trixie died and Starlight still went out to hit almost every bar she could find. Well, more like she got wasted at the only bar in Ponyville, wandered around before going back into the same bar and Big Mac brings her home at the end of the night.

“Nope,” I sighed as I tossed a bit back and forth in my magic. “I expect either Big Mac or Applejack to bring her home soon. I would go but well I tried to help her stop drinking last week and let’s say that started a fight. Ponies need space and such.”

“True that,” Rainbow agreed. “It’s been what three years since Trixie died? You think she would have gotten past the alcohol phase by now.”

“Three years, four months, six days, seven hours, fifteen minutes and twenty seconds,” I corrected automatically and Rainbow gave me a flat stare.

“Do I even wanna know how you know that?” Rainbow asked. I gave a shrug as I levitated two cups of apple cider into the room and Rainbows eyes lit up.

“Starlight has been keeping track. I heard her mumble it this morning,” I explained as I sipped my cider. “And in her defense, Trixie was her first relationship, first friend other than us and first marriage. I knew she wouldn’t just get up one morning and be like everything is fine.”

“I’d be more worried if she did do that. Bottling things up is kinda her thing.”

“True that as you say,” I agreed. “Drunk Starlight is kinda fun. Sad and depressed Starlight isn’t. Makes me worried about what she would do if she’s alone.”

“Hey,” Rainbow abandoned her mug and flew over to me, placing a wing on my back. “Starlight won’t ever end things. She’s a strong mare. I like that about her among other things.” The door swung open and our ears flicked up to the sound of a pony being dragged.

“Well looks like Starlight is back,” I said as I stood up to greet her. I opened the doors with my magic and stared at Applejack and Pinkie in confusion. Starlight had her legs tied together and an apple stuffed in her mouth. “What in Celestias name is going on here?”

“She tried to fight us,” Applejack said simply. “Ya might have some townponies later askin ya if this qualifies as ponynappin by the way.”

“She’s reallllllyyyy drunk!” Pinkie exclaimed in what I’m trying to decide was her attempt to make us deaf or whisper. I’m honestly not sure.

“Oh by the moon,” I facehoofed. “Untie her please.” Applejack nodded and bit into the rope, untying the knot and Pinkie dusted Starlight off.

“There! Good as new!” Pinkie grinned. “How ya feeling Starlight?” Starlight shakily climbed to her hooves and glared at us all. Or well, attempted to. It looked more like squinting combined with holding back a sneeze.

“Well I’d be if I didn’t get ponynapped,” Starlight snapped as she swayed. “Royal Guards! Policeeeee!” I’ve been taken by a strange pony!”

“Uh Starlight? You’re in the castle. And Applejack brought you home,” I stepped in front of her. Starlight glared at me and I paused. “Are you feeling alright? I can get you some water.”

“Well if it isn’t my best friend Twilight,” Starlight hiccupped and I sighed. I reached out and placed a hoof on her back. She started swinging with a hoof and I jumped back.

“Careful,” Applejack warned. “She’s a mite angry.” I rolled my eyes and sighed. Talk about an understatement of the century there.

“Don’t touch me! Only Trixie can touch me,” Starlight growled and stumbled around. “You’re probably glad she’s gone. You hated her from the start. All of you did.”

“That’s not true and you know it,” I said gently. “You’re just drunk. Go to sleep Starlight.”

“Woah there’s a dozen of you,” Starlight mumbled as she tried to focus on me. “Getting off topic. You wished we were never friends and that we never got married? Jealous because nopony likes you?” My ears flattered against my head and I stepped back. I knew this was alcohol talking but it didn’t make it any less easier to hear. Or hurt any less. She was right though, nopony really ever showed any interest in me that way.

“That’s enough,” Rainbow snapped as she stomped a hoof on the ground, spreading her wings to seem bigger. “That’s not the case at all and you know it. Plenty of ponies like Twilight, she’s just too blind to see it or act on it. She probably has a book on it.”

“Hey!” I glared at her. “I’m right here you know.” Rainbow rolled her eyes and shot me an apologetic look.

“Go to sleep sugarcube,” Applejack said quietly. “Before ya say something that hurts both of y’all.” Starlight glared at her before sighing and hanging her head.

“Fine,” she groaned. “I’ll be in our wagon.” She stumbled out the doors and I vaguely could see her tail as she vomited into a bush. I really hope that it wasn’t my rosebush. Roseluck might kill us both if she did.

“I’ll go help her to the wagon,” Rainbow volunteered. I was about to but maybe it’s best if it is Rainbow or Applejack. “Did Berry Punch kick her out or something?”

“Yeah pretty much,” Applejack admitted. “She cut her off after Celestia knows how much shots. She also had a pretty high tab that we paid for her.”

“Thanks AJ,” I sighed as Rainbow flew out the door. “I’ll be sure to get you and Pinkie the bits in repayment.” Applejack waved a hoof dismissively.

“It ain’t a problem Twi.”

“Yeah!” Pinkie chimed in. “We’re friends. It’s what we do for each other.”

“If only we get Starlight some real help,” I sighed. “Drinking like this every night isn’t healthy. I’m honestly surprised she hasn’t died of alcohol poisoning yet.”

“Ya wanna know what Ma used to tell me?’ Applejack asked suddenly.

“What?”

“Ya can’t help somepony who ain't willin to help themselves.”

Chapter III

“Starlight? Are you in there?” I faintly heard Twilight and her knocking on the wagon door.

“Yeah please stop knocking. I have a really bad hang over. Come in,” I groaned and smacked my lips. I could really use a water and a bunch of pills for this head splitting migraine I currently possess.

The wagon door opened and Twilight trotted in with bottles of water and pain pills on her magic. I instantly winced and covered my eyes with a foreleg. No offense to Celestia but I hated the sun on the days I had hang overs. There’s just no way I could describe the pain.

“I brought water and pain medication,” Twilight set them down gently next to my nightstand. Or well, our nightstand I suppose I should say. Still a bit weird calling stuff mine when this is your wagon. Three years later and I still can’t really call it mine. I’m still just waiting for you to gallop full speed into the wagon, excited to show me some new magic trick.

“Thanks,” I said as I levitated the pills into my mouth and washed them down with water, crushing the bottle in my magic and tossing it in the trash can. “Three points.”

“I’m sorry?” Twilight asked as she tilted her head to the side in confusion and I stared at a picture of me and Trixie smiling on the top of Mount Everhoof. How she convinced me to spend our honeymoon up there, I’ll never know. We were freezing the whole car ride up there. Well, till we got in our cabin and bed. We especially got warm after what we did in bed later that night. No Starlight, now is not the time to think of that.

“Nothing. Just a little game me and Trixie used to play when we threw trash away,” I answered.

“Oh. How much do you remember from last night?” Twilight asked cautiously.

“Uh not much. How did I get home? Did I walk? Because the last time I tried to walk home, I ended up on a train in the Crystal Empire,” I said sheepishly. “How stupid did I get?”

“Well uh you accused me being glad Trixie is gone and that I hated you two being married,” Twilight admitted.

“Sorry,” I mumbled. “I know that isn’t true.” Twilight rolled her eyes and placed a wing around me as she sat down on the mattress we had replaced the hammock with.

“I know. We really need to talk about your drinking again Starlight,” Twilight said sternly. I gritted my teeth and rolled my eyes. Not this again.

“Twilight, I just woke up and I have a hang over. Even if I didn’t, I don’t feel like talking about this again. I get you’re looking out for me and all but I’m fine. It helps me out. Helps me forget for a good while,” I said through my gritted teeth. “Well until the next day at least.”

“Have you ever thought about medication? Or talking to someone? I know you’ve talked to me and Applejack a little bit about it but maybe someone professional could be good help,” Twilight offered hopefully. I hated when she used that tone. Always hurt to say no when she used it. Looked like Pinkie after you said no to one of her parties. So I just reverted to my old response.

“We will see,” I said casually and she nodded with a smile.

“Great! Just remember you have lots of ponies and a dragon here for you. I just wish I got to know Trixie better. Stupid of me of all ponies to have held onto a silly grudge. But she did make you happy and that made me happy. Your happiness is all that matters,” Twilight muttered into my mane as she hugged me. And this is why Twilight is my number two best friend. Sorry Twilight but nopony will ever top Trixie. Heh, that sounded dirty. No Starlight, think clean.

“I know. And thanks again for putting up with my lame drunk ass once again.” Twilight pulled back and gave me a frown.

“None of that talk. You’re not lame, you’re a great pony. I don’t think you should entirely quit drinking, just ease into slowing down. This is the fourth or fifth night you’ve been drunk and I’m afraid one of these days me or Spike will find you dead,” Twilight admitted. We both stared at your hat and cloak hanging on the wall. I’ll admit, I sometimes sleep in your cloak or just hold it when I think about you and it gets bad.

“Can you believe it’s been three years?” I asked quietly. “It feels like it was just yesterday.” Twilight sighed and nodded slowly.

“I know. It surprised us too. We were talking about it last night. As for your question, Pinkie and Applejack brought you home. Me and Rainbow were already up talking.”

“Do you think Trixie would be disappointed in me?” I asked and gestured around her wagon at the bottles. The two glasses from when me and Trixie had drank together still sat on the nightstand gathering dust. I refused to move them from where she had left them. Weird but I know. I can’t bring myself to change anything in her wagon from how she left it. The only thing me and Trixie changed was expanding and changing out the hammocks for a mattress for on the road and more comfort.

“I think,” Twilight wet her lips and looked away. “That if Trixie was in your hoofsteps, she might be in your exact spot. And I’ll be honest, there’s a small chance I would be too. You’re like family to me. Along with Spike. The other girls are close to me yeah, but you live with me. You’re like a sister to me. Losing you would utterly break me.”

“So you won’t abandon me for drinking?” I asked nervously. Twilight rolled her eyes as she maintained her hug and I hugged her back.

“I’ll never abandon you Starlight. Ever. I haven’t when we had trouble with your friendship lessons and I won’t abandon you because of this.”

Chapter IV

I leaned against the bar with a grin, watching my patrons. It was always my dream to own a bar growing up. My grin grew even bigger when my friends trotted up.

“Hey Berry!” Golden Harvest grinned back at me as she, Raindrops and Shoeshine sat down in front of me at the bar.

“Hey guys. You guys want the usual?” I asked warmly. I knew all of the residents drinks by memory. I’ve only had this bar for the past six years but it feels like I’ve owned it my whole life.

“Yeah please,” Raindrops smirked. I gave her a nod as I got down a bottle of whiskey and three glasses, unscrewing the cap with my mouth. I spat it on the table and I poured the glasses full. I pushed the glasses across to the mares.

“There ya guys go!” I said a bit louder to be heard over the music in the corner.

“Busy in here,” Shoeshine commented as she looked around and took a sip of her whiskey. “Haven’t seen it this lively in a few days.”

“Yeah it’s nice. Bringing in all the bits. Ruby’s birthday is coming up,” I smiled. Golden glanced at the door and frowned suddenly.

“Here comes your best patron and loyal customer,” Golden sighed and we all followed her gaze. I sighed sadly as Starlight trotted in and looked around before sitting down at the bar at her usual spot in the corner away from everypony.

“I’ll be back,” I said as I slowly walked over to Starlight. “What can I get for ya?”

“Wine and tequila with a splash of absinthe,” Starlight said. I raised an eyebrow at her. Her normal drink was whiskey or bourbon. Not this.

“Are you sure about that? I wouldn’t recommend playing with absinthe,” I warned as I caught my friends watching out of the corner of my eye.

“I’m sure.”

“Okay,” I sighed as I got the drinks she wanted and started mixing it. I didn’t fill the glass as I normally do. Mixing alcohol like this is not a great idea often. Well without absinthe I would say go for it. “Here you go miss.”

“Thanks,” she muttered as she lifted the glass and took a sip. She sputtered and coughed, her eyes watering. “I don’t know how Trixie could drink this mix.” Now that would explain the alcohol change.

“Anything you wanna talk about?” I asked and rested my hooves on the bar top. I’ve been asking that question for the past three years she’s been drinking here. And she’s always said the same answer of no. This time she seemed to be considering it.

“Sure,” she finally said as I got us both a glass of whiskey and a chair. I pushed her glass to her and sat down across from her with my own. Benefits of owning your own bar, I could drink a small amount with ponies who need a listening ear. I pride myself on talking to the ponies who seem sad and drinking because a pony did that for me once.

“What’s on your mind?” I asked after sipping my glass of whiskey, savoring the familiar burning sensation.

“Just lonely is all,” she admitted as she drank from her own glass. I knew why she was here. The whole town knew. It didn’t hurt to ask though. “I shouldn’t talk to you about this.”

“And why’s that?” I asked.

“Didn’t you and your little gang laugh at Trixie when Golden Harvest spray painted her wagon as a few others ran Trixie out?” Starlight asked bitterly and I winced. I will admit, laughing at her wasn’t my greatest moment.

“Golden didn’t spray paint the wagon. Snips did. Golden just saw it happen,” I answered quietly. “And I regret laughing at her. The others regret it too. We should have been kinder to her. You were right, we will never get that chance again. If I could go back, I’d be much kinder to her. I didn’t really know her but my daughter loved her shows. Not many ponies other than me can make my daughter happy like I saw her that might Trixie first came to town. Let’s just say Ruby ripped me a new one over how I acted. And trust me, Noi went off on Golden about how she acted too. That was the first time our daughters ever yelled at us.”

“I guess forgiving you would be the right thing to do,” Starlight said after a moment of silence as I refilled her glass. “As many flaws as Trixie had, she would tell me to forget about it.” I didn’t expect that. I suppose Starlight did rub off on Trixie in that regard. Sounds like something Twilight would say honestly.

“Why don’t you tell me something about her?” I suggested with a smile.

“What do you wanna know?” Starlight asked as she swirled her glass before downing it.

“Anything. You knew her best after all.”

“She liked the weirdest food combinations. I once saw her eat celery with Tabasco sauce and peanut butter,” Starlight chuckled. “Let’s just say I didn’t let her kiss me for about three days after that.”

“That sounds disgusting,” I scrunched up my face in disgust. “I’m sure you did weird stuff too.”

“I snore. Loudly. How she ever got sleep in our bed is beyond me.” We both chuckled at that.

“I never did say sorry. Maybe one day we can be friends. You seem like a decent mare and I wish I could have known Trixie better. I will admit, I was very happy when I found out the two of you got married,” I admitted as we both drank from our glasses. “Me and my friends are going out tomorrow night for dinner. You should join us.”

“Maybe,” Starlight slurred. I forget how much she had drink till I glanced at the four empty whiskey bottles. I didn’t realize that much time had gone by. “I miss her ya know?”

“I know. I would lecture you on your drinking but well considering I did the exact same thing once it’s not my place and would make me a hypocrite,” I said. Starlight nodded as she stood up and promptly falling over. “Hey Raindrops?”

“Yeah?” The pegasus asked as she set down her bottle of whiskey. “Whatcha need?”

“Never mind. You’re wasted and I need to get Starlight home. I need somepony to watch the bar for me,” I said as I walked around to Starlight.

“I’ll do it,” Golden Harvest volunteered. “I haven’t drank that much. Mainly because of these two here hogging the damn bottle.” I rolled my eyes and grunted as I shoved Starlight onto my back.

“Let’s get you home.”

Chapter V

I sighed as I slammed a hoof a few times on the castle door as Starlight shifted on my back. Thank Celestia for earth pony strength. The door opened slowly and I peeked my head inside, looking around.

“Uh Princess?” I called out hesitantly before stepping inside fully. I don’t think Twilight is the type but I’d really rather avoid getting arrested for trespassing. That would kinda suck. “Huh, guess noponys home.”

I trotted a bit more inside and resisted the urge to face hoof. This was a pretty bland castle in my opinion. Really could use some more decorations. Surprised Rarity didn’t go well, Rarity on it.

“Who needs this many libraries?” I grumbled as I stared at the three libraries side by side. I knew the Princess was a book worm but three libraries? That’s pushing it.

“They can take our alcohol but they can never take our freedom!” Starlight shouted out as she waved a hoof around.

“Got that right sister,” I rolled my eyes and smirked as I stared at a scroll. “What the hay is this?” I stepped closer and raised an eyebrow. “Dear Starlight, the map called us away for a friendship problem in Celestia knows where of Equestria. I’ve asked Mrs. Cake and Cheerilee to check up on you in the morning if you find this. Lyra always wanted to know if you could work a earlier shift two days from now because it’s gonna be a rush day for them at Bon Bons Bon Bons. You really need to quiet drinking so much. Yours truly, Twilight. What the hell is a friendship problem?”

“It’s where problems have their friendship!” Starlight giggled as she peered over my head. “Your mane is soft. Like a pillowww.”

“Uh huh. I don’t think the Princess would be entirely enthused with me if I left her student drunk and alone in a large castle,” I mused and turned around to start trotting to the door. “I mean I guess I can let you ride the couch back home. I’ll just have to hide the alcohol so you don’t get into it.”

“You don’t gotta hide anything from me Punch Berry,” Starlight mumbled as she yawned.

“My name is Berry Punch,” I corrected automatically. “Not Punch Berry. That sounds like a day where ponies are allowed to run around punching me and I’d prefer to avoid that at all cost.”

“Fair enough,” Starlight mumbled into my mane. “Getting hit isn’t fun. I can walk.” She slipped off my back and started stumbling to the door. “Onward! To adventure to save the whiskey from the evil prohibitionist!”

“The prohibition ended a few hundred years ago Starlight,” I said as she staggered out the door and tumbled down the steps.

“Starlight is okay!” She called out and stuck a hoof up, wiggling it around. I slammed a hoof against my face and groaned.

“Let’s just get home. Tonight’s been eventful enough.” Strange to think that way for me. At one point in my life, I’d have jumped at the opportunity for any form of adventure.

I galloped down the road and sighed internally. How she can be this fast while intoxicated was impressive and bit concerning. Celestia knows what else she could be capable of. Drunk unicorns scare me but I’d never say that out loud. Hell, unicorn foals can shoot lasers when they sneeze. I remember when Pumpkin Cake started shooting holes in the roof of Sugarcube Corner. Thought it was a freaking light show.

“Slow down for Celestias sake!” I shouted as I jumped over Roseluck.

“The horror! The horror!” Lily shouted and I rolled my eyes. Most dramatic trio I’ve ever met in my life.

“It was awful!” Daisy agreed. Somepony needs to give me a roll of duct tape and the town would be lot quieter. We don’t call those three the early warning system for monsters for nothing.

“May Luna strike me down now,” I muttered as I skidded to a stop and stared at a house. Lyra and Bon Bons house to be precise. I couldn’t keep up with Starlight, especially if she teleported around I’m pretty sure drunk teleportion is not a good idea. I trotted to the door and pounded on it. “Open up Lyra! Or Bon Bon! I’m not picky at this point!”

“What in Equestria do you want?” Bon Bon grumbled as she swung the door open. “It’s past my bed time.”

“What are you, five?” I chuckled. “Listen, I need your help.”

“With what? Did you misplace more kegs at the bar again?” Lyra giggled as her head appeared over Bon Bon.

“Lyra get off me please,” Bon Bon mumbled as Lyra jumped off her back. “Thank you.”

“It’s worse than any monster attack or me losing kegs. Drunk Starlight. Rampaging around town on a quest to stop the prohibitionists from taking all of Ponyvilles whiskey.” The rampaging part was a bit of a exaggeration but meh who cares. Both mares stared at each other before staring at me and blinking.

“Oh thats funny!” Lyra laughed. “You had me going for a minute there.” Bon Bon rolled her eyes and made eye contact with me.

“She’s serious,” Bon Bon said and sighed. Starlight stumbled past waving a plastic sword in the air. Where in Equestria she found one of those, I’ll never know.

“We must defeat Daring Do!” She slurred out and faceplanted. “Sorry Punch Berry. Didn’t mean to fall on you!” Lyra stared at her with wide eyes and sighed.

“You were right. This is awful. I gotta get my camera for pictures after this is all over. Gotta have something to tease my friend about of course!” Lyra grinned as she darted inside the house out of my view.

“Lyra Heartstrings!” Bon Bon growled. “Get your flank down here this instant. Forget the camera!”

“I don’t understand that mare of yours some day Bon Bon,” I admitted as I watched Lyra’s shadow running around upstairs. Bon Bon grumbled incoherent curses and shook her head.

“Neither do I.”

Chapter VI

“So how exactly are we going to stop her?” I asked as I galloped next to Lyra, panting as I tried to keep up with Bon Bon. How in Equestria that mare could run that fast was beyond me.

“Buck if I know!” Lyra called back as she slid under a carriage. “Bon Bon usually calls the shots when we chase down ponies!”

“What the hay are you talking about?” I demanded. “Do you two have a secret kidnapping ring that I didn’t know about?”

“It’s complicated!” Lyre shouted as we skidded to a stop and all three slammed to a stop, slamming into Bon Bons flank and we all toppled over each other.

“Lyra I love you but please remove your hoof from between my legs,” Bon Bon growled. “Now is not the time.”

“Sorry!” I exclaimed sheepishly as I pulled my hoof away. “Trust me, I don’t want my hoof there anymore than you do!”

“Oh sorry Berry,” Bon Bon muttered as we all three shakily stood up.

“What the hay was that?” Lyra demanded. “We haven’t that type of hiccup since the Giant Tortoise Incident Of Trottingham!”

“The what?” I asked curiously. “Celestia, why do I have weird friends?”

“Shush!” Bon Bon hissed and pointed a hoof at Starlight stumbling down the alley and running into the dead end. “We got her. Lyra, did you get the rope and magical inhibitor?”

“Got it,” Lyra said with her eyes glued on Starlight. “Are we doing what we did in Canterlot that one time?”

“Yup,” Bon Bon nodded. “Berry, distract her with a conversation. Lyra’s gonna slap the inhibitor on her horn so she can’t use her magic and I’ll tie her up. Applejack gave me lessons in hog tying.”

“Got it,” I answered. “How are we sure she won’t attack us?”

“Well we don’t,” Bon Bon admitted as she started tying her rope.

“Well that’s reassuring,” I muttered as I rolled my eyes. I slowly edged forward to the sitting drunk mare. “If I die, raise Ruby for me. She’s not allowed chocolate after six pm.”

“Sure,” Lyra commented as I trotted up to Starlight.

“Hey Starlight,” I said casually as I sat down on my haunches in front of her. “You got some exercise in tonight, didn’t ya?”

“Oh heyyy barkeep!” Starlight giggled as she waved her forehooves wildly around. “Ya here to join me on the holy quest we’ve been assigned by Monsieur Bourbon?”

“Absolutely!” I grinned enthusiastically. “I personally prefer whiskey but to each their own. Why don’t you hand me that plastic sword? I’m the sober one after all. Don’t want you accidentally hurting yourself after all now do we?” Starlight hesitantly pushed the sword my way.

“Ya got that right!” She exclaimed as Lyra and Bon Bon inched forward in my peripheral.

“You ever think about the future?” I asked her. “Let me tell ya, I think about it all the time. Ruby is getting so big. Soon enough I gotta get her a bigger bed and get her ready for high school. Can you believe that?”

“Wowwww!” Starlight swayed as she nodded. “Foals are scary man. They can grow up in front of your eyes.”

“It’s rewarding though!” I shot back as Lyra levitated the black piece of metal closer to Starlights horn.

“Me and Trixie wanted to adopt. Surprisingly, she had suggested it. We got inspired by Lyra adopting two fillies,” Starlight chuckled.

“That’s nice of you,” I nodded as Lyra prepared to pounce. “If I had the bits, I’d probably adopted a filly.”

“That’s nice-,” Starlight froze as Lyra slammed the inhibitor on her horn as Bon Bon swung her lasso a few times and grabbed Starlights hoof together. She grunted as her jaw slammed into the dirt.

“Hold her down!” Bon Bon groaned as Starlight tried to roll away. I jumped forward and held her down as Bon Bon started tying her hooves together.

“Why don’t you tie me up like this anymore?” Lyra complained as I lifted Starlight onto my back.

“Don’t even answer that Bon Bon,” I warned. “I don’t even wanna know the answer.” Bon Bon chuckled as I took a step forward.

“What do we do with her?” Lyra asked eagerly. “Put her in the dungeon?”

“You have a dungeon? Why?” I asked. The two mares gave me a look and I rolled my eyes. “Forget I asked. She can sleep on the couch. I’ll talk to the Princess soon. She should be back tomorrow I think.”

“Okay,” Bon Bon shrugged. “Fine with us.”

“How did you two get so good at tying down creatures? Where did you even get this equipment?”

“Sorry. Can’t tell you,” Lyra replied. “It’s for your own safety. Don’t want you arrested.” Now I was more curious.

“Okay.”

I slammed a hoof into the castle door as a dragon opened the door.

“Oh hey Berry,” Spike said. “I promise I didn’t accidentally burn your flowerbed.”

“Uh okay? I’m here for the Princess,” I answered with a raised eyebrow. I didn’t even know my flower bed had been burned.

“Thank Luna,” he muttered. “Right this way. She’s in the library.” I followed himself and entered the library as he slammed the door shut. Twilight was laying on the floor reading.

“Princess,” I said and bowed slightly. “Is now a bad time?”

“Twilight please,” she corrected instantly. “And I’m always happy to talk to anypony in the town. How can I help you Berry?”

“I’m here to talk about Starlight, Twilight.” That sounded foreign to say to me.

“Have you found her? She didn’t come home and I’ve been worried sick!” Twilight asked hopefully.

“She’s asleep on my couch. We had a little adventure,” I chuckled. “I’m here to offer my advice on how to help her.”

“I’ve tried everything,” Twilight admitted as she slumped over. “There’s nothing I can think of.”

“Sometimes you have to do the simple options,” I answered as she gave me a confused look. “I quit drinking because I had to raise my daughter after Cherry died. That opened my eyes so to speak. You have the school of friendship opening up soon, right?”

“Right but what does that have to do with Starlight?”

“Give Starlight a job. She’ll be so focused on her work she won’t have time to drink. Give her something like counselor or a teacher,” I suggested as Twilight raised an eyebrow.

“How certain of this are you? I don’t want my students stealing alcohol from her desk.” I hesitantly placed a foreleg on Twilight’s shoulder.

“I’m hundred percent certain.” Twilight slowly nodded as she smiled.

“The job is hers.”