Author's Note
Written for the Quills and Sofas Speedwriting Ordinary World Contest on 6/17/2023.
Existence
Beep beep beep beep beep.
Sunset’s eyes shot awake. In seconds, she found her phone, turned the alarm off, and quickly got ready for work. It was another Monday–another week, another shift, another un-glorious eight hours she had to waste to live. The weekend had disappeared into a blazing oblivion.
Within half an hour of breakfast and shower, she walked to her apartment door and stuffed the key into her pocket. Out the door, she went with her bike. Lifting herself onto it, she unlocked her phone. The wallpaper, a photo of the sevens’ last school event together, hit her like a brick again.
Making a snap decision, she turned on a song she hadn’t listened to in a while. A good kick sprung the kickstand up. Despite not feeling like biking when waking up, here she was half-forcing herself to and half-wanting to. She always enjoyed the ride to work once she got going.
It was a constant cycle. Wanting to, not wanting to, shifting between interests constantly, leaving important things half done and fulfilling relatively unimportant things. Such as tasks at work. To do perhaps another day. It felt good to do them, but upon so, she always realized how the months had passed away.
Sighing, she started propelling herself forward and began to pedal. Today would be fast, yet slow, interesting yet average. Since it was a truck day, it’d at least contain more variety than usual.
Tap tap tap tap tap tap.
There went her fingers, clocking out on Friday, itching to nab the handle and go home for the weekend. Days, when at work, dreamed of doing what she wanted. Yet hardly did much besides lazing and browsing the internet when the time came. It was hard to feel motivated, much as she knew she needed it. Waiting for a moment of inspiration that she often had to force herself.
The bike wheels strode forth with her as she exited the store. The air was cool despite the hot day. Here she was, on the verge of limitless potential activities, going straight home again. The streets flew past as she braked up and down hills. It was a momentary joy in the natural world she enjoyed, though hardly went out for beyond work.
Soon enough, she was back home. Comfortable, alone, supplied with everything except the scratching of the urge to escape it. A dormant feeling that rose occasionally. She went into her self-created prison. The bike was rolled into a spare room. She could be lazy about not keeping in her room every other week when she didn’t have to watch Applejack’s cousins.
Stripping down to the only home clothes needed, she turned on her laptop and flicked on the TV, forgoing the need to cook. She could just eat later than needed when she felt; whatever was easy yet unhealthy. Occasionally, she cooked for real. Mostly, only she had when watching those annoying cousins. On her own, she needed to feed herself real food. But little did she.
Click click click click click click.
The car’s turn signal flashed as she pulled to a stop, glancing in the mirror, and turned the corner, before speeding up again. She looked at Twilight Velvet for approval. A slight curt gave her the feedback she needed. It was odd, knowing she never needed approval for most of what she did in life, or shared with others. Yet, on a subconscious level, fighting to not need it as a form of her value and worth.
Within seconds, she found herself at fifty-five miles per hour. After so many hours practicing in a graveyard with the beyond generous mother of the college-away Twilight and circling in town, it felt weird that driving at such speeds felt normal now. Just like many things, the strangeness of it wore off and became a thing she wanted to, wanted not to do, despite needing it.
After all, it’d been a week since they last practiced driving. And that was only an hour. And two days before that, not even half an hour. Weeks simply burned away between what she wanted to do in life. Sunset felt it often. In between was a frame-by-frame replay of being sucked into niche online activities. It was a love-hate relationship, with thousands of things tugging at her mind.
Soon, she found her way back home, thanking for the practice. One more she was alone, standing in the falling sunlight. She checked the time. The day dealt a mental blow. Had it really been more than a year since she’d graduated and her friends dispersed into the world? This long since got this part-time job? Still relying on financial support with her roommate?
She unlocked the door and began her daily rituals. She still had no driver’s license. Being a dimensional immigrant was no excuse. It’s just how her slow, slow, ordinary life went. Even despite that, it was up to her to continue improving her life.
Despite occasional progress, things often stalled, between herself and others. It was a harsh, tugging reality that she wanted to escape yet not escape. Time was slow between what she wanted. That, too, was a constant war to think about.
Press press press press press press.
At last, She had done it.
The Sisters of Fate were dead. On to God Of War III… whenever she felt like it or wasn’t obsessed with something else. That often flip-flopped depending on the course of the day.
After four hours in one week, poured into this obsession, they were dead. Of course, it had only taken so long because she was dedicated to doing it on her own. Experiencing, solving, and exploring video games for herself felt a wonder like few others available to her. Beyond this alright town she lived in, and occasional trips courtesy of others, her money situation forced her to stay. Ignoring everything in the world and honing in on the challenge, becoming the story, was an indescribable fog of enjoyment.
Looking at the clock, it was late. Sleep. Another thing she constantly needed yet refused to do most of the time, sleeping around her job. A bad habit, yet one she rarely broke. The fans whirred off as she turned the console off and headed to her bed. To stare at her phone and browse, then sleep before her body forced it. Or forced staying awake and go to work with hardly a wink.
For once in a blue moon, Sunset decided to put her phone on the charger and take an eight-hour recharge. Helping herself was something she needed to do more often, and too often relied on others to do. Such as the game. In her pride, it was hours before her friend told her how to beat the final boss. She knew she needed to look it up and learn herself, yet refused to. It was a constant balancing out of trying to realize what she was doing to better herself.
Fading asleep, her lucid dreams were inspired by the game.
“Yes yes yes yes yes yes!”
With Night Light’s rare help, since Velvet was too often freaked out, she survived the interstate today. Turns out Velvet had used reverse psychology when she told them to know when asked. Everyone knew Sunset would do it no matter what, having finally felt brave enough. It was scary, of course, but she drove forth under steel-nerved tutelage.
She had done herself a major victory.
Instead of lounging, wasting a valuable afternoon, she got the bug to simply ask to go driving, as vaguely discussed. Too little, she discussed plans or ideas only to never fall through, discard them, or half-do them and shelf them for months later. With help on parallel parking, she ought to be able to take a driving test soon. Soon meant weeks, given her current life, but it was a victory nonetheless.
Hours and hours of driving Velvet around town, aimlessly traveling elsewhere and back on highways, had paid off. The speed on the interstate was a mere smidgen up. It was weird,
how strange and fearful it was until she was simply doing it.
The cars ahead and beyond required constant watching. Being right-eyed, with mostly peripheral vision on the left, made it a tad difficult. But she’d adjusted to it. Driving amongst a herd of cars, however, was rather easy. Entering and exiting was the hard part, but she’d get better in time. That was another battle, knowing when and when not to save things for later, as well as truly coming back to them.
Blink blink blink blink blink blink.
Here she lay in bed, pondering her existence. Sunset was, yet was not, She enjoyed what she did. She was, therefore she was. Life is often strange. Living in her own little world, far away from the lands of Equestria.
It’d still be another year before she could even visit again. And yet another two after that for a simple visit. She could never truly leave this realm. It was home. To be torn between the two births of her existence was a struggle she’d never quite resolved.
For all the problems in her life, she had to look ahead, keep at it, and still improve. Be herself and push back the burdens. No matter how inadequate it all felt or days or week felt wasted, it was essential to believe in herself.
In this ordinary world, in this ordinary life, amidst a storm of joy and strife. Despite being small, pressured under it all. Be herself, be true. She mattered. She had to reflect on that.
Sunset was in a weird stage in life, stuck despite possibilities. It takes a frustratingly long time to move on to the next stage. It’d come, and then she’d feel the same all over again and miss this. Despite knowing that, she had to be herself.
In this unexplainable world, the mysterious gift of life, only she could control it. Reflection, realizing, improving, learning, and believing in herself. Believe in others too and help them on and know this feeling as well.
Sunset fell asleep, pondering, now dreaming.
Whether she felt cursed or blessed, no matter her state of life, only she could reign it. And only she could guide her destiny. Whether happy or sad or in turmoil or depressed or any emotion in between,
She fell deep into her dreams.
You are your fate, what you make of yourself.
Keep on smiling.
