Another Freakin' Death-Fic

by TheApexSovereign

Rating: everyone
Tags: Princess Luna, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic, Spike, Comedy, Cutie Mark Crusaders, Random, Princess Celestia, Main 6
Length: 1032

Ever noticed how all these sadfics look the same?

Ever notice how all these death fics look exactly the same? I should know, I wrote some. This is basically how each character's death usually plays out, only completely and utterly exaggerated.
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A trollfic written by someone who really likes sadfics. Don't get offended, and if you do, come on man. Really?

Published 2012-11-23 20:40:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-11-23 20:40:01 UTC

Scootaloo dies, so Rainbow Dash gets very very sad.

Scootaloo dies, so Rainbow Dash gets very very sad.

"Hey Scootaloo!" a familiar enthusiasm filled voice called out. The addressed filly, sleeping in the grass for some reason, picked her head up and saw the sky-blue pegasus flying towards her.

She landed on all fours and gave Scootaloo an enticing offer she obviously won't refuse. "Hey squirt, wanna ride on my back while I fly, do tricks, try out for the Wonderbolts, sleep in my awesome cloud home, hang out with my friends, and do other things you'll never be able to do because you're a failure?"

"Sure!" she proclaimed, not even stopping for a moment to realize how dangerous and stupid this whole thing was.

"Wait," Rainbow stopped, holding up a hoof to emphasize her point, "Shouldn't you be in school?"

"Yeah."

"Why aren't you?"

"Because of the reason."

Rainbow shrugged, "Good enough for me." The pegasus leaned to the side to allow the young filly to climb on her back. "Alright, I'm not going over the safety rules, because safety's for eggheads!"

"Role model!" Scootaloo cried.

"I'm not even going to tie you to my back or get a lifeguard in case of emergency, because I'm that much of a badass!" With the usual drill out of the way, the story can finally get on with the reason why we're reading it.

Rainbow Dash soared through the sky, through the clouds, and through the air. It was exhilarating, breathtaking, adrenaline-rushing, descriptive wording. Scootaloo felt so alive. She couldn't wait until she got her cutie mark and learned to fly! Then she could be just like Rainbow Dash.

With the emotional weight of the story suddenly dropped on the reader like the thumb of God, an overused word that describes tragedy or something relating to tragedy was typed.

Scootaloo fell off Rainbow Dash. Kind of a funny image if you picture it.

Scootaloo, as light as a sack of feathers, fell to the earth like she was constructed of dark matter. Rainbow Dash chased after the screaming filly. The fastest flier in Equestria hoped to catch her before she splatters on the ground and becomes the special sauce they use for the sandwiches at KFC.

After a drawn out fall sequence, Scootaloo splats on the ground into strawberry jam.

Rainbow screamed into the sky, "NO! Why couldn't you be Rarity!?" Speaking of Rarity, R.D. didn't even question why she could catch a full grown-mare and the Wonderbolts but not a 20lb filly.

That's when Rainbow was hit with a cold hard fact: This was a fanfiction, and continuity doesn't apply to fanfictions. "NNNNNOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!" The pegasus, now a broken piece of shit, screamed into the sky just as a storm of 'dramatic rain' rolled in.

Rainbow cried in her house because of her own stupid mistake. She didn't even go to Scootaloo's funeral, because that's how much respect she has. Well, it doesn't matter considering Scootaloo doesn't even have a family. She lives in the clubhouse because that's what everyone thinks, so it must be true.

Twilight and her other friends, and not 'Applejack and her friends', or 'Fluttershy and her friends', just 'Twilight and her friends', grew worried and checked in on her.

They descriptively knocked on the door, and a piece of shit Rainbow Dash answered. "Wait, how are you guys up here?"

"I used the cloud-walking spell." Pinkie replied, then looked at the reader, "See? Continuity! It's totally like the show, so gimme thumbs up and a favorite! Also, post as many 'these feels' pictures as you possibly can."

Everyone laughed at Pinkie's cleverness. "Oh Pinkie, you're quite the clever one with '4th wall' jokes. Haw-haw." Rarity laughed, it was so super funny.

Applejack walked into Rainbow's home and placed an all-too-friendly hoof on her shoulder. "Y-see Rainbow, ah'm more southern than usual in the fandom, gosh darn it. That's whah ah'm talkin' like ah popped right outta 'Honey Boo Boo'. What's wrong?"

Rainbow Dash wailed like a crybaby, "Whaa! My stupid mistake got Scootaloo killed! WHAAA!"

Twilight, being the sensitive bloke that she is, offered some sage advice that'll surely make the heartbroken spirit feel better. "Accidents happen, Rainbow Dash."

The not-cyan pegasus gave a logical response, "WHHAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!" The larger font, bold, and all caps gives the line more emotion. You're crying, right?

"Friendship is Magic!" Twilight cheered, knowing she should write this to Princess Celestia.

"But that's not it!" Rainbow added, walking to her couch littered with empty tubs of ice cream. She picked up a remote and muted the soap opera she was watching. "I was Scootaloo's role model! I was like a god to her! She was like my sister, or daughter, or pet. Shit, I don't know. But she was somethin'!" The feels were so great that even Jesus Christ himself started crying. That's how sad this fic is. Not the ham fisted-ness, or the obvious cliches, no, this was truly saddest fic you have ever read ever. Ever.

Fluttershy, who the author almost forgot was in this story, was given a cheap dialogue at the last second that was totally uncharacteristic, but not as uncharacteristic as other authors make her with her King Kong-weighted shyness. "Rainbow, I'd give you a long cheese-filled speech, but there's an 'in a nutshell' version. So I'll give you that one."

Everypony leaned in expectantly as Fluttershy took a defining breath, "Get a life, shit happens, visit Scootaloo's grave one last time and never look back."

Rainbow was snapped out of her depressing sadness, "Guh! Okie Dokie!"

Rainbow stood at Scootaloo's grave, which was on a hill for some reason. "Cheesy speech, I'm sorry, Wonderbolts, my success, in your memory, I'm sorry, I failed you, I'm an idiot, self-pity, getting a grip, I'm sorry, you're the best fan in Equestria, I'm sorry, I love you, did I say I'm sorry?"

Rainbow walked away and left behind a D'aaww inducing picture of Rainbow and Scootaloo at some convention that never happened in the show.

The End.

Next time: Twilight dies, so Celestia gets very very sad (and bitches about immortality)

Anyone else notice the influx of 'R.D./Scootaloo dies so Scootaloo/R.D. gets very sad' fics?