What It's Like

by Kaline-chan

Rating: everyone
Tags: Twilight Sparkle, Princess Celestia, Sad, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 1225

Princess Celestia is so lonely... She lives vicariously through Twilight.

Princess Celestia is so lonely being ruler... Everyone sees her as royalty, but she feels no one truly sees her as a person. Twilight Sparkle is her only hope for knowing what friendship is like. She isn't free to be herself, and that's been slowly wearing on her for years. Quick drabble about her feelings and etc.

Published 2012-09-30 09:54:01 UTC
Last updated 2012-09-30 09:54:01 UTC

Chapter 1

What It's Like
by Kaline Reine

Disclaimer: I do not own MyLittlePony or any of the ideas, characters, or settings from the series. This is just a fanfiction story.

WARNINGS: Dark, angst fic. Might have some adult content... Pairing (if there is one) is most likely to be Princess Celestia X Twilight Sparkle.

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No one knows what it's like... No one knows the sorrow of how it feels to be so completely and utterly alone. Beyond reach, beyond hope, beyond anything...

The life of a princess certainly is not an easy one. I've known for a long time that it wouldn't be all fun and games. But I never thought I could fall this far. No one will approach me as a person, like a real pony. To them I'm an idol, or some kind of goddess. Not worth even a hay penny, if you ask me.

I snort indignantly, as I wait for one of the visiting dignitaries from another region to finish making his speech and leave. I'm in the crowd. I want to blend in, but the entire herd seems to be shying away from me. There is a large circle around me where no one will go. It should make me feel special, but it makes me... Unwanted. Diseased. Scorned.

They all must really hate me. What a pitiful ruler I must be...

"Celestia..." She calls me by my first name. It's been ages since I've heard that. Far too long... Everyone refers to me as royalty. As they should, I suppose. I wonder if they all see me as a tyrant.

"Yes, my dear?" I turn to face the little purple unicorn who has just addressed me without title.

"I've finished my report," Twilight Sparkle shuffles her hooves nervously. "And I wanted to give it to you before I leave."

"Thank you, Twilight. I look forward to it."

She gives me an odd look. "Is everything... alright?"

"Yes."

'No.' I think to myself. 'No, and it never will be. Never has been...'

But I won't say this to anyone. Especially not her. It would shatter my star pupil's image of me. And I am my image. It's what makes me or breaks me...

I glance to my left and right, spotting the royal guards. They're trying in vain to blend in with the rest of the herd. It isn't working. I always have to have them with me. They follow me everywhere, like my shadows... I fee like a shadow sometimes. If only they knew the truth. But as I said, no one can ever know.

I'm certain Twilight suspects something. She always has. She's more perceptive than her friends give her credit for. My humble student, she is very good about reporting to me on time. I wish she wouldn't stress over it so much, though. Her assignment was meant to be fun. Not some foolish chore.

Purple eyes caast out over the crowd. How I envy her... Able to do as she wants. Yet, she insists on being adamant about her studies. Such a perfect pony; a shining example of what one should be.

There are lots of ponies here. None of them seem too interested in what the dignitary has to say. Yet, I am surprised at the large turnout. A pleasant surprise from a supportive kingdom, I suppose...

It feels like something is missing. But what?

Finally, the speech ends. Everyone claps and stomps the ground for him. The dignitary is escorted away by his own personal guards. He was such a nice Stallion, it will be a shame to see him go. If I were free to do as I wish, I'm certain I would be quite promiscuous.

I don't have to be flattered with insincere praise when I myself know that I am beautiful. However, I am unable to do anything I want. I'm not allowed to live a life of a my own...

And that is why I must live vicariously... Through her...

Twilight smiles up at me, blissfully unaware of what is going on. She has no idea how I'm using her. It feels so wrong... Like if she knew the truth, I'd never be able to face her again.

"Shall we go?" I ask, leading us out of the crowd. "That was pretty boring anyway."

She gasps. "Celestia... That's so unlike you."

"What?" I snap. "Am I not allowed to have an opinion of my own?"

"Oh, no... That's not what I meant at all," The young mare stammers. "I mean... You can, I guess, it's just... I thought since you're our ruler that you'd be more polite. That's all."

"Must I always be so proper?"

We're making out way into the castle now. I love Canterlot, it's such a beautiful place. If only I weren't surrounded by such darkness clouding my mind... I'd be able to fully enjoy such beauty.

Once we are alone, I turn to look at her. Twilight Sparkle... Aptly named; for she is so full of life. How I wish I could be like her. Actually have friends. Be free of all which binds me. Yet, I can say nothing on the matter. I must continue to do my duty as ruler of Equestria. How it pains me so...

"I guess it's okay," She smiles sheepishly. "So are you ready to hear my report?"

I just look at her. I can't help but be spellbound by her eyes... They're so beautiful.

"Uh... Celestia? ...Princess?"

"Huh?" I shake my head. "Oh, it's fine dear... Yes. Give me your report."

Twilight seems to suspect something is wrong. I'm sure she has for a while now. Yet, she rambles on about her various adventures with her friends. I love hearing about all of them. I smile, as she recounts this week's adventures. They seem so nice. The quirky but lovable types.

Applejack, Rarity, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, and Pinkie Pie... Each of them are so dear to me. It's as if I know them. And yet, if I passed them on the street, they would only know me as royalty. It's such a shame.

I wish I had friends of my own. But there is only one person I can really consider a friend... And I feel so dirty for using her.

"Have you ever been in a relationship?" I ask her suddenly.

"N-no... Why?"

"Only curious," I state coldly. "You'd tell me if you were, right?"

"Of course. But if it's alright, I have to leave now. I want to make sure I make it home by nightfall. Thank you for the lovely time."

"Yes... It was my pleasure, as always Twilight. Be safe."

I lightly nuzzle her head, my way of saying goodbye. I do not care about such foolish things as boundaries... Who needs them anyway?

"Goodbye Twilight." I smile.

"Bye..." She whispers, turning quickly to leave.

I see her hesitate at the door. And then she goes.

I retire to my work... As always... Alone.

-END-

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A/N: It's been a while since I've written anything purely for fun. This was really enjoyable for me. I've had this idea in mind for quite a while. Hope you enjoyed. Sorry it was so short, this was just meant to be a quick drabble. It won't be contiued, but I'll write other stories.

-k.R.