I was on the Mane 6 Train, but now...I just want to get off. Preface

by IDigAPony

Rating: mature
Tags: Comedy, Princess Celestia, Zecora, My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic
Length: 2323

Celestia and Zecora know it's way past the time when the 6 should have learned about a new kind of fun. What to do...?

Twilight is the sole ruler of Equestria. She's done a lot of things, and so have her five best friends. But there's something they have all avoided. Why? They were starting to get interested and curious about sex, but then they became The Elements of Harmony. So now what?
(This story is a prequel to a list of how each of the ponies reluctantly enters the world of physical pleasure and love. It had started out as the first chapter in the sequel, but it makes much more sense and the preface for the great unfolding so I've removed it from "You've Really Gotta Get Out More" and made it its own story. )

Published 2023-07-22 01:50:00 UTC
Last updated 2023-07-22 01:50:00 UTC

You Mean They STILL Haven't?? Not MY Fault!

Author's Note

This was originally the opening chapter of what is now the sequel. It works better as a preface to the entire series since it relates to them all, not just the first sequel.

You Mean They STILL Haven't?? Not MY Fault!

The two mares sat at the large oak table next to a window in Zecora's hut. In front of each was a large, hoof-carved wooden mug containing a rather potent coconut concoction and a long straw. They were on their second mug and were, at last, discussing a topic that had deliberately been avoided for many years. Now it was time, and they needed the right state of mind to engage in it. Celestia spoke as much to herself as she did to Zecora.

"None of them know anything? Surely somepony, somewhere, must have made an offhoof comment or two to them, perhaps given them some hint or clue. Have they never even heard an inappropriate joke? How could they have gotten this far and not learned about, ahem," she cleared her throat, "that?" She took a large sip through her straw.

"That, I can not imagine," Zecora said, rolling her eyes. "Perhaps it has to do with you being unable to bring yourself even to say the word. What do you think, my friend?" Zecora smiled, "Though I must confess, I am not much better. And tell me, who in Ponyville is going to talk to any of those six ponies about sex? 'Oh, Miss Fluttershy, would you care to hear about the pleasures of the flesh?'"

The two looked at each other and burst out laughing. "Of all the pleasure I get from this brew, not thinking rhymes is a pleasure that's true. No, it's a pleasure that I like!" Zecora laughed.

Celestia swayed a little as she leaned forward and tapped the table with the point of her hoof, "Zecora, as I recall, we agreed that you were going to explain it to Fluttershy, Pinkie, and Rarity while I would explain it to Twilight, Applejack, and Rainbow Dash."

"I do not recall that agreement. However, that did not happen, so none of them know what they ought to know at their age. Their years as the saviors of Equestria occurred at just that time in their lives when mares learn about these things, but our six were to become the Elements of Harmony, and their lives changed." As Zecora sipped the last of her 2nd mug, she glanced out of the corner of her eye at the Princess.

Celestia looked back with wide eyes, "Oh, don't you give that look, my old friend. I wasn't the one who decided all that, it was part of their destiny. I don't think it was wrong of us to assume that they had some sort of understanding of-" she paused and shook her head in disbelief, "Not even Applejack?"

"I am afraid not. Big McIntosh told us that the duties of caring for the animals when they have little ones fall to him. He explained that Apple Bloom is more interested in it than Applejack is. That little filly is smart and curious."

"And loveable," Celestia said with a smile, "What about Fluttershy?"

"Do not be so silly, the animals do not do it in front of her!"

Celestia looked at Zecora with meek hopefulness, "Rarity?"

"From what I have heard, and please forgive my bluntness, but even she is a bit of a prude. And do not even mention-"

"Do not worry, I was not about to. Well, that leaves Rainbow Dash and Twilight."

Celestia levitated the pitcher and split the remaining drink between them. "What about Rainbow Dash? She must know something, everypony knows the reputation of the Wonderbolts. They are known to be a rather…."

"Raunchy crew?" Zecora offered, "That is the way most ponies describe them. Is that what you meant to say?"

Celestia blinked at the statement, "Well, yes, a Princess hears these things."

"I am surprised, but Rainbow Dash is perhaps one of the shyest of them all. I understand she waits until all the other Wonderbolts have showered and left before she does. They love her enthusiasm and don't tease her... too much. That leaves your most faithful student and our new ruler. I'm afraid on this topic she knows less than any of them."

Celestia bit her lower lip and turned away.

"I am quite familiar with that expression, Celestia. Is there something you would care to share with me?"

The alicorn sighed in resignation, "Well, there was a time, when she was younger, several years before she became one of the Elements of Harmony, when I, well, I walked in on her. She was sitting on her bed with her legs apart, examining herself, and naturally, I thought... Well, she was my ward, she was practically my daughter, and I didn't encourage that sort of behavior, especially in my most prized student. "

"Ahhh, I see, so you assumed she was-"

Celestia interrupted, "I'm afraid I may have jumped to that conclusion, yes. To my great regret, my reaction was one I now deeply regret. It wasn't until years later that I discovered a book on reproduction under her bed. she had shoved it there all those years ago. It was opened to the chapter on puberty and the changes mares bodies undergo. She had simply been reading and learning about her body." Celestia sighed sadly, "I scolded her and told her that what she was doing had a name, and it, was something only naughty ponies did. I think I was pretty vague about it. I may have left her with the idea that one simply does not touch oneself down there, with only a few exceptions. She promised me she would never do anything like that again, that she would always be my most faith-" Celestia's eyes opened wide, and her jaw dropped open.

"Your most faithful student?" Zecora enlightened her with the question.

"I-I can't believe it. All these years, she was telling me that she was my faithful student and I should be proud of her, that she hadn't, that she wasn't..."

Zecora looked at her reproachfully. "Is there something you'd like to say, Princess"

Celestia hung her head.

Zecora spoke kindly, "I'm beginning to wonder who really has the problem with sex. What was Twilight telling you? What wasn't she doing?"

Celestia looked toward the window and said softly, "That she wasn't...masturbating."

"Do you think she even knows what masturbation is? I do not think she knows much at all about her reproductive organs other than her monthly cycle. You do know that this will not go on forever, that there will be a day..."

Princess Celestia looked at Zecora, "There has to be."

"And what do you think will happen, my friend," Zecora took a big sip, looked at Celestia with a raised eyebrow, and smiled, "when Twilight Sparkle has her first orgasm?"

Celestia's eyes opened wide in horror, and she looked at Zecora, "Do you remember what happened after she tried her first pancake? That's all she would eat for a week! I had to hide the royal griddle!"

"Well, unless you know of a way to hide her vagina..."

Celestia's eyes darted around as the pieces fell into place. "She's going to kill me."

"I would not worry about that, even when she discovers sex, she is still a very shy pony. I can not imagine her ever feeling comfortable talking with you about it, no matter how many orgasms she has missed because of your words, despite your best intentions."

Celstia unsuccessfully tried to suppress a grin, "I suppose you're right. You must admit, it will be wonderful for her, for all of them. I don't wish to be rude, dear friend, but I would love a little more of this coconut concoction."

"I agree, though I think this is more of a need than a want. I'll add a little more of that something special." Zecora took the pitcher to her kitchen area and began mixing another batch. In a moment, she was back with it.

Celestia raised her mug, "Here's to the Elements of Harmony discovering that incredible new piece of music." Each of them took a large sip. Celstia smacked her lips. "Do you think any of them has discovered any part of it yet?"

"I do not think so. If they had, I believe we would know about it," the zebra sighed, "So what do we do now?"

"Zecora, I'm afraid we'll have to deal with explanations as the opportunities present themselves,"

"Do you mean to say take it as it comes?"

Celestia nodded. Zecora looked out the window, smiled, and then looked back at Celestia, "I am afraid they will be the ones doing that."

Celestia looked at her in shock, then laughed so hard that her drink came out of her nose. After cleaning herself up, she turned to her friend, "Zecora, I worry about their attitudes on the subject. In so many ways, they are very mature, but I feel that in this area, they may be a little bit…".

"Immature? I fear I must agree. I have often seen their behavior when such things are discussed and not unlike fillies.

"To say it plainly, Zecora, when it comes to the facts of life, in their thoughts, they are not much older than fillies. What do you think that means when the opportunity presents itself?"

"I do not know, Princess. If it is to happen with a stallion, it might prove embarrassing and awkward."

"Surely you are not suggesting that it might be with another MARE?!"

"I am unsure of any stallion or mare that would not be a little intimidated at the idea of engaging in something so intimate with a pony of their stature. They are the saviors of Equestria."

"Yes, but back to what you said a moment-"

Celestia paused in the dawning realization of what Zecora was suggesting. Her eyes grew wide.

"ZECORA!"

The wise zebra smiled, "I'm afraid it would be a logical following of events."

"That two of MY GIRLS might…."

"Learn of the ways of Eros together? And why not?"

"It's just that I never considered it. But to do so without love…."

"And who is to say there would not be love? Does it seem to you that two of them might not fall in love?"

Celestia gave the matter some thought. Zecora pondered it as well. The two turned and looked at each other.

Celestia's brow furrowed, "You don't think..?

Zecora laughed, "Are you crazy, my Princess?"

"No, I suppose you're right."

Zecora spoke, "What about…?

"Hmm, it could be a possibility," Celestia mused, "but it wouldn't last long."

Zecora chuckled. "I see what you mean." The two of them suddenly looked at each other, and their eyes went wide, "OF COURSE!"

"I must be blind, it's so obvious! Oh, those poor things, I don't think either one of them is aware of it," the Princess said.

"I can see either of them with others in the group in such a relationship, but they are the most mature, and both run so deep. It is kind of nice to think of them as together."

"We are not there yet, my friend, though as I think about it, I wish we were." Celestia said, then suddenly smirked, "To tell you the truth, I find so much humor in the thought that despite their being the most mature of the six, they are both the shyest and prudish at heart."

"Yes, and please forgive me my crudeness, but if they do turn to each other to explore the mysteries of physical pleasure, I suspect they'll find it easier to let the other see the truth of their heart than let the other see what is between their legs."

Celestia screamed in hysterics and fell over laughing. "Oh, Zecora, that is so true! If that moment ever comes to pass, and I would never invade such a moment, but the struggle to keep their, ahem you know, hidden, would undoubtedly prove to be very funny."

Zecora swayed a little, then looked at Celestia and smirked, "And look at you! *hic* you will not even say the word!"

Celestia blinked slowly, "Yes, I will."

"Oh, I do not think you can. You are as embarrassed as any of those girls."

"Excuse me? Just who do you the-*hic* think you're talking to anyway?"

"Well, let us find out, shall we?"

"Fine!"

"Fine!" Zecora said with a wicked grin.

Celestia looked confused and then slowly realized what Zecora had in mind. "NO! I will NOT do that! I will NOT say that"

"That is what I thought."

Celestia threw her head back and whined pitifully, "PLEEEEEASE Zecora, don't make -*hic* make me say it."

Zecora smirked at her.

Celestia stared at her with a wicked eye, "Do you know who wrote it in the first place? I ought to have them strung up by their striped tail!"

Zecora smiled slyly and began while Celestia mocked her with a goofy lip-sync "There are so many things, but few are finer

No matter the place, a kitchen or diner,

Even if you are a platinum miner

Or perhaps a professional silver shiner

And a forty-eighter or forty-niner,

Or a proud standing oaker or beautiful piner

That nothing is sweeter or purer or finer..."

Celestia staggered and yelled as loud as she could.

"Then Princess Celestia's royal vagina!" She laughed until she fell over and passed out.

The sound of her voice echoed throughout the Everfree Forest.

Zecora dragged her to the sofa, got her into it, and put a blanket on her. She bent over and kissed Celestia on the forehead, "Good night, my dear friend, sweet dreams. I'll be sure to have the morning antidote ready for both of u