Peace Attempts and Panic Attacks
Peace Attempts and Panic Attacks
I run past the door for the first time today, finally having the courage.
I stop at the end of the hallway, looking at myself in a mirror.
I see a disheveled Fluttershy staring back at me, matted fur, split ends, bags under my eyes.
You can't keep living like this, Fluttershy.
I know, I've got to do something…
I hear it bash against the door. I instinctively huddle on the floor, water already in my eyes.
I can't do it.
I can't.
I have to try, I think as I try to calm myself.
I finally stop crying as I get my thoughts together, standing up.
Maybe I can make peace by offering it something.
But what?
It hasn't been outside that room for weeks, maybe it wants food.
But the food is back down the hallway…
Oh, no.
I stare down the hallway as I try to mentally prepare for going back.
You can do it, Fluttershy.
I ran down the hallway… and tripped, landing right in front of the door.
No, no, no, no, no!
I rush away, hooves slipping on the floor as my vision blurs.
I make it to the bottom of the stairs, collapsing on the floor.
I hear it bash itself against the door over and over, each time I curl up into a tighter ball.
My vision goes black as I whimper to myself, tears streaking to the floor.
The thought of the door opening won't leave my mind, making my world shake and spin.
My vision comes back as I calm down, still too afraid to look up.
I lay there for an unknown amount of time, losing all sense of time.
Eventually, I lift my head, shaking profusely. Looking around, I see I am alright, for now…
I sit up, remembering what I was doing.
Oh, yea, food offering.
I get up and slowly walk upstairs, as if making a noise will release it.
I make it to the fridge and open it.
With shaky hooves, I pull out the few remaining carrots I have left.
These probably won't be enough.
It'll have to do for now.
I make my way back downstairs even slower than I came up.
At the bottom of the stairs, I just stand there staring at the door, thinking of how I will be able to force myself to do this.
I have to try…
I lay down on the floor, belly first. Holding the carrots in my mouth, I inch my way towards the door.
Every centimeter makes my heart rate go up.
I'm… I'm… I''m doing it.
That's when it crashed against the door again.
I close my eyes, resolving to continue as my body shivers.
I can't live in fear…
I must.
Tears flow from my eyes as I feel my hoof bump into the door frame.
Here goes nothing…
I take a carrot in my hooves, almost dropping it several times.
I shakily stick it under the door as I can feel another panic attack coming on.
I shove as many carrots under the door as I can with my eyes closed before I scamper away, leaving all the carrots at the door.
I make it to the stairs again before I pass out.
I woke up, opening my eyes. The room is far darker than before.
How long was I out?
I look instinctively at the door.
All the carrots are gone…
Looking close, I see scratch marks on the floor.
It's never done that before…
I hyperventilate, my vision blurring again.
Don't pass out again.
Don't.
Thankfully I don't pass out, I do collapse to the floor though, audibly whimpering.
What do I do now?
I think it ate all the carrots. Do I feed it something else?
I clench my pain and stand up.
I have to try, again…
I clamber up the stairs and back to the fridge. I open it and pull out two apples.
I set them on the counter, cutting them in half.
Should fit under the door now.
I slink down the stairs before deciding to take a different approach.
I might be able to slide them under the door from afar.
I crawl within two feet of the door, hunkering down.
Here goes nothing.
I flick the first half of an apple towards the door as it bashes against the door again.
I curl up before I start to shake.
Be brave.
You can do this.
I look up and see the half is nowhere to be seen.
Steeling my nerves, I flick the second half.
This one I watched go under the door.
It doesn't react, so I send the third one.
The third one gets stuck under the door. I watch it for a split second, before it disappears into that room.
I send the fourth one, then back off from the door.
Looking back, I see it's also gone.
It starts crashing into the door repeatedly, harder than ever before.
I need to get to the other side, it's safer over there.
I stand up, stretching my legs as tears stream down my face.
I charge down the hallway with my eyes closed, too afraid to open them.
I slam into the mirror at the end of the hallway, causing it to crash to the floor.
I fall to the floor beside it, keeping my eyes closed as I curl up into a ball, shaking uncontrollably.
My mind goes numb as the sound of it crashing into the door is drowned out by the ringing in my ear intensifying.
My vision goes black as my breathing shakes.
I lay there crying as my senses fly away from me; leaving me stranded and alone.
I scream for help as my voice catches in my throat.
"Help!
"Rainbow!
"Twilight!
"Pinkie!
"Rarity!
"Applejack!
"Anypony!
"Please…"
I get no response as my senses slowly return to me.
I open my eyes, looking through the mirror laying beside me.
The door is open now.
