You wake up slowly, with birdsong in your ears. It's been years since the last time you went camping in the woods, but the air smells wonderfully clean and fresh, scented strongly with pine.
You sit up, your eyes open.
You're on a layer of old, dead leaves, beneath tall, green trees. You see no other people, no tents, not even a sleeping bag.
You're pretty sure you really HAVEN'T gone camping in years. So where are you, and how did you get here?
You stand up, and look all around. You spot some birds singing in the trees, but no signs of humanity.
What's the first thing to do if you get lost in the woods? You used to know, before you were kicked out of the Cub Scouts for complaining that you didn't like to walk ten miles every Saturday.
Those were the most boring three weeks of your life.
If you have a wristwatch, you're supposed to be able to use it with the sun to tell which way is north, right? You glance at your wrist...and of course, you don't have a watch. Who wears a watch to bed, or anywhere else, in this age of smartphones?
You don't have a phone in your pyjama pocket either. You check the ground where you woke up, but there's nothing of any use, not even a pillow.
You walk around the nearest tree, looking for moss. They say moss grows on the north side of the tree. But this tree has moss on every side.
You shrug. One thing you DO remember is, if you go downhill for long enough, sooner or later you should either find civilization, or the ocean.
So you start walking.
***
As you walk, you see more birds, and squirrels, and the occasional bunny. Once you see a deer, but after staring at you for a moment it runs away.
After about an hour, you reach a wide river. You can walk along the river, but the riverside is muddy and boggy, and clogged up with brambles and thornbushes. But you can go around them! It just makes your travelling slower.
As you round a tall tangle of thorny branches, you see a large, brown creature.
You don't think you could ever run faster than a bear. No point in running away.
You say, "Nice bear. I won't hurt you if you don't hurt me."
The bear opens its mouth, with a long, loud "RaAAAAaaaarr!"
But somehow, you feel the bear doesn't really want to hurt you. Maybe it just wants to...not fight.
You smile. "Is it ok if I eat some of these berries? Are they any good?"
The bear growls again, but you don't feel like it's an ANGRY growl. It's just...saying hello.
You pick a few of the red, lumpy berries. They look like raspberries, and they taste pretty good.
You eat enough berries to take the edge off your hunger, but you feel like you'd rather eat something more subtantial too. You turn towards your new bear friend...hoping the bear IS a new friend. "Do you know where I can find something else to eat? Maybe some nuts?"
The bear makes a low, rumbling sound, takes a few steps away from the river, looks at you, and takes a few steps farther, and looks back again.
The bear wants you to follow it. You're sure of it!
You let the bear lead you back into the forest, where it shows you how to find two different kinds of nuts. The bear cracks the nuts open in its strong paws, but you crack them between rocks.
Getting lost in the woods is a lot more pleasant than you would have expected.
After eating a pretty decent breakfast, you wave goodbye to the bear and continue downriver.
***
You hear an explosion. Was that a gunshot? Does this forest have hunters? Are they here to rescue you from dying in the wilderness?
After the second explosion, you spot a pale, blond haired figure, who's mostly hidden behind some tall brush. You also see a rifle, pointed at a large animal.
Someone's trying to shoot your new bear friend!
"Hey!" you yell. "Don't shoot! That bear's tame! It's...I don't know, someone's pet or something. It's a GOOD bear!"
The rifle fires again. Your bear friend runs away, but with an uneven, laboring limp.
"You bastard!" The rifle swings around towards you. But you pick up a rock, and throw.
You didn't think, you just acted. Struck in the head, the hunter falls to the ground.
You run towards the rifleman...and it isn't a man. It's some kind of weird creature, a sort of velvety-skinned marshmallow thing, with a round body, cylindrical legs wider at the bottom than at the top, a long neck, and a snouted head.
The eyes are huge. What you thought was long blonde hair is some kind of mane, with a matching tail.
This hunter already tried to point the rifle at you once. Do you want to give it...him?...another chance? You don't want to risk it.
You pick up the rifle. With your other hand, you check inside a pack the hunter is wearing over its back. When you find bullets, you take them and put them in your pyjama pockets.
The hunter also has a long dagger in a belt scabbard, so you take that too.
When the hunter finally wakes up, you smile at it/him. "I don't know what you were trying to do, but I don't think I can let you do it."
The hunter stares at you, wide-eyed. He whinnies and nickers and snorts. He shakes his head. A horn in the middle of his forehead, which you hadn't noticed amongst the forest's shadows and his disheveled hair/mane, softly glows. You feel a pull on the rifle.
"Nuh-uh!" you say. You shake the rifle in your hand. "I don't want you to kill my friends OR me."
The hunter whinnies loudly. He had a gun and a dagger and a backpack, but he can't talk, just make horse noises? What's wrong with him?
Finally, the hunter staggers to his feet, and tries to run away. He doesn't move very fast. You suppose you could shoot at him, but you decide you don't want to. When he was pointing his gun at you before, maybe that was just a misunderstanding.
It takes him a while, but the hunter finally staggers out of sight, and by the sounds of his hooves clopping on the ground, you think he keeps going farther and farther away, until he's completely gone.
You try to go in the direction your bear friend went. Maybe the bear needs your help!
***
"Bear!" you say, looking at the large animal sprawled on the ground. "Are you ok? Tell me you aren't dead!"
The bear rolls over, moans softly.
"Oh. So you're alive, but..."
The bear sadly rubs a rear leg, the same it was limping with before.
"Alive, but not really well either. You poor thing."
You know this bear could rip you to pieces if it gets upset. You cautiously reach out towards the wounded limb. The bear doesn't seem to mind, so you touch it.
Twenty minutes later, you've ripped off one arm of your pyjama top and used it to bandage the wound. Good thing it's easy to wrap around the lower leg and to tie in a knot to keep it in place.
"I'm sorry I don't know how to treat a gunshot wound," you say. "But I think this might be better than nothing."
The bear murmurs.
"This morning, you showed me some things we can eat. Let me go find lunch. I'll be back as soon as I can."
However it happened, you've defintely made a new friend.
When you and the bear share lunch, you're sure of it: wherever you are, however you got here, maybe this place isn't so bad after all.
Author's Note
I thank Carlos S. for helpfully critiquing my story idea (as opposed to some other kinds of critique, I guess.)
Thank you for coming to my wilderness survival RrrraaARARRrrRAAAARRRRR! talk.
