Author's Note
Oh look, I made a romance fic without Anon in it. Neat.
And to clarify, Spike is an adult in this story, and was from the beginning of the show. Yes, even in the flashback.
As always, I appreciate any and all feedback!
Not Enough
Spike paces back and forth in his grand bedroom. Canterlot Castle has some incredible living arrangements, and that is especially true for Princess Twilight Sparkle's personal assistant. The large purple dragon holds his clawed hands behind his back, his gaze fixated on the floor as he keeps up the nervous habit. After a few seconds, he looks upwards at a nearby clock. It's 6:45. He has fifteen minutes. Just fifteen minutes until the time when he agreed to help Rarity carry her bags to the train.
Today was the usual visit from Twilight's (and, by extension, Spike's) friends from Ponyville. After taking the role of Equestria's ruler, Princess Twilight naturally had to move away from the Castle of Friendship in Ponyville and into Equestria's capital, Canterlot. As her assistant, Spike had to come with her. Well, technically Twilight gave him a choice, but there isn't a single thing on this planet that could cause Spike to want to leave her side.
At least... there shouldn't be.
Spike glances at a framed photograph sitting on a nearby shelf. He picks it up and smiles to himself. The photo is years old. It depicts a much, much smaller Spike struggling to carry a comical amount of shopping bags. Next to him, Rarity poses for the camera, seemingly happy as can be. Spike chuckles as he places the photo back down. Things were simpler then.
Back then, his feelings for Rarity were just a childish crush. Everyone knew that. Deep down, even he was aware of that. And yet...
Spike turns away from the shelf and immediately locks eyes with his reflection in a mirror hanging on the opposite wall. Seeing his own disheartened expression, he approaches the mirror to get a good look at himself and sighs. He's everything he ever wanted to be. He's big, he's strong, he's handsome, he's brave, he's famous, he's successful...
But he's not enough.
Taking a seat on the edge of his bed, he subconsciously begins flipping the medal that he almost never removes from his neck between his claws. He has been complimented on his "glow up" countless times. When he first moved to Canterlot after Twilight's coronation, he wasn't very popular with the nobles. Especially not after the whole "Princess Spike" debacle some time prior. And yet, after months upon months of dedicated training and research, he became a dragon worthy of respect. Lo and behold, the nobles DID come to respect him.
Or maybe they're faking it in order to indirectly kiss up to the princess some more.
Either way, it doesn't really matter to Spike. Why did he do those things? Why did he push himself, both mentally and physically, to the absolute limit? Most assume it's because he wanted to be a better assistant and advisor to Twilight, but that's wrong. After all, if there's one thing Spike knows for sure, it's that he already was the world's greatest assistant. No, Spike had a much different reason. A reason that is, frankly, even simpler.
He made a promise to the pony he loves.
"Oh, thank you so much for helping me with these last-minute stitches!"
Rarity, the Element of Generosity, happily puts the finishing touches on a gorgeous dress in her guest room at Canterlot Castle. Meanwhile, Spike, who at this point still falls just short of seeing Rarity at eye level, continues to sprint around the room to acquire the things that Rarity needs as she needs them. They've done this so many times that she no longer needs to tell Spike what she needs, he just knows from her body language and the patterns he's noticed about dress making in the years that he's known her.
"It's no problem, Rarity! I'm just a little surprised you didn't have it done already."
"Oh, Spikey, I did! But you never know when inspiration will strike, and when it does, you, too, must be prepared to strike! While the iron is hot, specifically, as they say!"
"And you're sure you'll be able to get it done by tomorrow?"
"I am 100% positive! Especially with your help, darling."
"I-I'm always willing to lend you a claw whenever you need it!"
"Don't I know it, Spikey-Wikey? Speaking of~"
"Huh?"
"It's done!"
Rarity takes a step back before draping the gown over a nearby mannequin. Spike places the various items in his arms onto a nearby table to admire her work. To the surprise of no one, it's absolutely gorgeous.
"Wow, Rarity. It's beautiful."
"Isn't it? Now, let's see how it looks for real!"
"For real? Whose dress is it?"
"Why, it's mine, of course! I had to strike the perfect balance between being jaw-droppingly fabulous at Twilight's coronation tomorrow and not being so fabulous that I draw attention away from Twilight on her big day." Within seconds, Rarity has donned the dress. Spike nearly begins drooling. It's a gorgeous dress made only better by the gorgeous mare wearing it. "Well, what do you think?"
"Rarity... you look AMAZING!"
Rarity doesn't even blush, but she does giggle.
"Why, thank you, Spike." Rarity's eyes widen as she lets out a terrified gasp. "Spike! I didn't make you a suit! Oh dear, this awful! This is terrible! This is the WORST! POSSIBLE! THING!" Spike simply looks at Rarity with an amused expression, catching the attention of the marshmallow mare before she has a chance to faint on a conveniently placed couch. "What?"
"I'm not going to be wearing a suit."
"You're WHAT?!"
"Tomorrow is going to be a really busy day for Twilight and me. With how many responsibilities I have, a suit will just get sweaty and torn up by the time the coronation actually starts. And I'm barely going to have time to make it to the coronation in the first place, let alone put on a suit in-between my responsibilities and the main event."
"Oh, Spike... I'm sorry to hear that. You always look so fetching in the outfits I make for you."
"I don't look nearly as good as you do, Rarity."
"Oh, you flatterer. Hmhm." Rarity closes her eyes for a moment as if she's reminiscing. "I suppose I should appreciate it while I can."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, after the coronation, I'm going to have to go back home to Ponyville. That's where both the boutique and the school are, after all. Meanwhile, you'll be staying here. I mean, it's not like we're never going to see each other again or anything, but it's definitely going to be harder to keep in touch."
Spike's expression darkens. This is something he has thought about many times, but he always tries to push it to the back of his mind. If there is one thing that could possibly tempt Spike into leaving Twilight's side...
It's Rarity.
"...Appreciate it while we can, huh?" Spike's voice is a mumble, but it's just loud enough for Rarity to hear.
With a slight sigh, Rarity walks up to Spike and wraps a hoof around him, rubbing her cheek against his own. Normally he loves it when she does that, but this is the first time she's ever seen him wearing a frown after she pulls away.
"...Spike?"
Spike hesitates. The room is silent for a few awkward seconds before he finally responds.
"R-Rarity?"
"Yes, Spike?"
Spike takes a good, long look at Rarity. His eyes drift to her dress, then to her face, then down at himself, and finally back to Rarity. He finds it difficult to look her in the eyes.
"Do I..." Spike trails off. "Am I..." Once again, he can't seem to find the right words. "What am I to you?"
Rarity's eyes go wide as she visibly recoils. It's a question she clearly wasn't expecting. All at once, her confident demeanor shatters. Her eyes dart back and forth nervously, looking at anything but Spike.
"W-what do you mean?"
"Like, how do you see me?"
"W-well..." This time, it's Rarity who struggles to find the right words. "You're a wonderful friend, and a terrific helper. You've made my life better with your mere presence."
Rarity forces a smile, but even Spike can tell how nervous he is. He sighs. He knows exactly why she's being so dodgy. It's because she knows how he feels, and because she knows he knows she knows how he feels. Right? ...Right. What else would it be?
"...Thanks, Rarity."
"W-why the sudden question?"
"I'm just, you know... thinking."
"Well, how do you see m-!" Rarity cuts herself off. Spike looks at her as she covers her own mouth with her hoof. It seems that she asked that question instinctively, no doubt her incredible networking/social skills at play. And yet, she also doesn't want to hear Spike's answer.
Spike sighs one final time. It's now or never. Gathering his courage, he finally says his piece, even if his face is beet red the entire time he says it.
"Rarity, I think you're incredible. You're the most beautiful girl I've ever met. You're as generous as they come, and I feel like a better dragon just by being around you. You make me want to... I dunno, be my best self, I guess. I know I'm Twilight's assistant, but... you're just special to me. I... I lo-"
Spike is cut off by Rarity putting a hoof to his mouth. She gives him a nervous, tired, understanding smile.
"You don't need to say it, Spike."
To Rarity's surprise, Spike takes her hoof off of his mouth.
"Why?"
"H-huh?"
"What is it that I don't have?"
"W-what are you talking about?"
"The princes in your fantasies! The stallion of your dreams! I-I dunno, Trenderhoof! What do they have that I don't? What do you want me to be?!"
"Spike, are you-"
Spike closes his eyes and looks away from Rarity. He's being childish. He knows he is. A part of him is embarrassed by his actions as he's doing them. And yet, this is something that he has held in for far too long. Something that he won't get another chance to say.
"I love you, Rarity! And I know you don't love me back!" Rarity simply stares at Spike, her eyes wide and her lower lip quivering. "Is it because I'm a dragon? Too small? Too young? Too... I don't know, annoying?!"
"..."
"I'm not stupid, Rarity. I'm older and wiser than when we met. Heck, I may be small, but I'm an adult now! I know full well that I haven't exactly been subtle, and even more than that, an incredibly talented pony like you can read others like an open book anyway. You've known how I feel for a long time. Were you just waiting for me to do something about it? Hoping I'd get over it? Or..." Spike turns around completely, now facing the opposite direction from where Rarity is standing. "Were you trying to manipulate me to get what you want? You know, like you taught Fluttershy to do a few years ago."
Rarity is speechless. She stares at Spike's back in complete shock. However, it isn't the "fainting couch" kind of shock. The genuine flurry of emotions going through her head all at once is almost too much to bear, and even if she could find her voice, she wouldn't know what to say.
"...I'm just not enough, am I?"
"Spike..." Rarity's voice is so quiet, her mouth so dry, that Spike doesn't hear her.
"..." Spike suddenly turns back around, revealing his pink, tear-filled eyes. "Just give me some time."
"What?"
"Give me... five years."
"Five years?"
"In five years, I'll be a dragon worthy of your love. I'll be everything you ever dreamed of, and more! I promise!" Spike speaks with a feigned confidence through his tears, his shaky voice and puffy eyes not doing him any favors.
"Spike, I..."
"You don't have to say anything." Spike takes a deep breath as he attempts to compose himself. "For now, can we just keep being friends? We... we'll pick this conversation back up in exactly five years."
Spike holds out a clawed hand. Rarity glances down at him, her gaze slowly going from his eyes to his hand. After a few seconds, an empty smile makes its way to her face. She places her hoof in his hand and shakes it.
"Five years, then. I'll be waiting, Spike."
"Thank you for assisting me, darling."
"It's no problem, Rarity. I'm always happy to help!"
Spike effortlessly loads the last of Rarity's many, many bags onto a cart. The two are in the comfort of her guest room, the very same room that she stayed in the day before Twilight's coronation.
"I must say, you get quicker and quicker every time I come here."
"O-oh, do I? Hehe..."
Spike sheepishly rubs at the back of his head, a blush making its way to his face. He is doing everything in his power to act like he isn't nervous. After all, today is the five-year anniversary of his promise to Rarity.
He failed. He isn't enough. He has seen himself in the mirror. He's everything he wanted to be, but is he everything Rarity wants him to be?
No. Not by a long shot. It's not enough.
Spike turns to look at Rarity again. It has only been five years, but despite that, she looks more alluring than ever to him. His heart still skips a beat when he sees her, which is just another reminder that he isn't enough for her.
He nods his head nonchalantly. He has made up his mind. He's just not going to say anything.
Heck, Rarity probably forgot about the promise, anyway. That... would probably be for the best.
"Hey, Spike?"
"What's up? Did I miss a bag?"
"N-no... I just wanted to talk."
Spike's eyes dart around nervously.
"O-okay... sure. Of course!"
Rarity takes a seat at the foot of her bed, and Spike sits down next to her. Unlike five years ago, he's easily twice her height (and perhaps triple her width).
"A lot has happened since you and Twilight moved here, huh?"
"I'll say. How many policy changes have Twilight and I gone through?"
Rarity giggles.
"Hmhm, no, Spike. I meant with us. For all intents and purposes, I've accomplished my dreams. I've opened up a couple more stores, my name is known across Equestria as one of the greatest fashion designers to ever live, and I even have Sandbar and Yona working as my protégés."
"Haha, yeah! You really are incredible, Rarity."
"But that's nothing compared to you! Just look at you, Spike! You're a national hero!"
Spike rubs the back of his head again.
"Technically international if you count the Crystal Empire and the Dragon Lands."
"My point exactly! And if I didn't know any better, I'd say you were much more confident than you used to be. Which is saying a lot!"
"Heh, th-thanks, Rarity. ...W-wait, 'if you didn't know any better?'"
"Come now, Spike. Aren't I 'an incredibly talented pony that can read others like an open book?'"
"Y-yes, but-"
"And I haven't forgotten our promise, Spike." Rarity's voice is now much more hushed, her tone serious.
"Oh..."
"...Would you like to take it back?"
"W-what?"
"A lot can change in five years, Spike. I wouldn't be surprised if another fine lady has caught your eye. Especially when you go around looking like that."
Rarity bats her eyes at Spike, something she hasn't done in... well... five years.
"N-no, that's... Rarity, why are you acting like this?"
"Whatever do you mean?"
"You stopped doing stuff like this after we made that promise, but now you're right back to doing it again? I... I don't get it!"
Rarity sighs. She looks down briefly, but quickly goes right back to looking Spike in the eyes. Her expression is completely serious.
"Spike, do you still love me?"
"..." Spike hesitates. In a complete reversal of five years ago, he finds himself at a loss. He doesn't want things to end like this, but... well, it's on him for failing to keep his promise. "I do, Rarity. You're pretty much all I think about when I'm not being an assistant/advisor. I'm sorry."
Rarity looks at Spike for a moment before a warm smile makes its way to her face.
"Whatever are you sorry for?"
"I didn't keep our promise. I... I'm just not good enough yet. I'm still trying, I swear! But-"
Rarity places a hoof to Spike's mouth, giving both a sense of déjà vu.
"Do you love yourself?"
She slowly lowers her hoof, giving Spike a chance to speak. He hesitates, but only for a moment.
"Yeah. Yeah, I do."
"Then that's all I needed to hear."
Rarity, in a very unladylike manner, leans towards Spike in a fraction of a second. Before Spike has time to react, she has pressed her lips against his own, causing his eyes to shoot open and a deep blush to make its way to his face.
After a moment, she backs away, but she keeps leaning on Spike's shoulder. His mind is fuzzy, and he feels like his heart is going to burst.
"Rarity?"
"Five years ago, you didn't give me a chance to respond to you properly. I could have told you then and there that you were 'enough.' You've always been enough, Spikey. I couldn't ask for a more reliable partner."
"P-partner? But, wait. Why didn't you say anything between now and then?"
"Because I saw how driven you were. I will admit, I felt a bit bad at first, but as you kept up your training and your education, you seemed more and more happy with yourself. Hehe, and just look where that got you!" Rarity motions towards Spike's massive stature, then towards his medal. "You were always enough for me, Spike. I was just waiting for you to be enough for yourself."
"I... I don't know what to say."
"Care to do what words can't, then?"
Rarity bats her eyes at Spike, obviously insinuating something. After one final moment of hesitation, Spike smiles the biggest, most gleeful smile he's ever smiled and wraps his large arms around Rarity, pulling her into a warm, gentle embrace.
"I love you, Rarity."
"I love you too, Spike."
